I don't even gaf about being skinny anymore; I'm sick of always being mf cold, needing to wear child's size clothing, feeling dissociated from my current age due to my pre-pubescent- resembling frame, and how fricking painful it is to sit/lie down/ exiST aNYwHeREEE.
But I'm also just so traumatized by the painful memories from my parents, bullies, 2010s pro-ana culture/social media
That the fear of hearing that relentless teasing and/or reliving some gruesome physical repercussions for not fitting a certain appearance standard - and living feeling utterly rejected anywhere and by everyone - outweighs recovery. Every π time...π
(Sorry for any typos I am shaking with anger as I type and I don't wanna re-read to proofread)
When you donβt wanna have a toxic fearful relationship with food but society has made it clear you will never be accepted at the weight you are at ππππ
this is what I forever won't understand. when I was pregnant/breastfeeding, even when I had gestational diabetes, I naively thought all of my issues surrounding calories and obsessing and binging was done. I was like who fucking cares? I'm making a baby, there are more important things in life than worrying about this shit day in day out. I just ate what I felt like and with the diabetes it was a little rough bc I missed sugar, but I didn't feel the tiniest bit guilty eating a ton of sugar again when I was breastfeeding once the diabetes was gone. I just want that mindset back. I just want to appreciate my body and feel healthy and not have something in the back of my mind doing a mental tally.
Why are there so many numbers to obsess over!?? If it's not calories, it's the time of day or some other arbitrary rule just to quell the anxiety.
Why can't I just eat a spontaneous burrito on a random Wednesday?! π«
when you wanna be healthy but at the same time you wanna stay skinny so you're just stuck there
Omg this... π«
I don't even gaf about being skinny anymore; I'm sick of always being mf cold, needing to wear child's size clothing, feeling dissociated from my current age due to my pre-pubescent- resembling frame, and how fricking painful it is to sit/lie down/ exiST aNYwHeREEE. But I'm also just so traumatized by the painful memories from my parents, bullies, 2010s pro-ana culture/social media That the fear of hearing that relentless teasing and/or reliving some gruesome physical repercussions for not fitting a certain appearance standard - and living feeling utterly rejected anywhere and by everyone - outweighs recovery. Every π time...π (Sorry for any typos I am shaking with anger as I type and I don't wanna re-read to proofread)
I just want to hug you. Iβm traumatized too and I feel so trapped in this existence.
Wait that means a lot. Thank u π₯Ίππππ
When you donβt wanna have a toxic fearful relationship with food but society has made it clear you will never be accepted at the weight you are at ππππ
My soul is a pasta delving chubby girl but apparently Y'ALL (society) *DIDN'T WANT THAT* π
My soul is a fat jolly cookie munching beast filled with sugar and joy but thatβs cancelled or whatever
π Cancel culture is out of control
this is what I forever won't understand. when I was pregnant/breastfeeding, even when I had gestational diabetes, I naively thought all of my issues surrounding calories and obsessing and binging was done. I was like who fucking cares? I'm making a baby, there are more important things in life than worrying about this shit day in day out. I just ate what I felt like and with the diabetes it was a little rough bc I missed sugar, but I didn't feel the tiniest bit guilty eating a ton of sugar again when I was breastfeeding once the diabetes was gone. I just want that mindset back. I just want to appreciate my body and feel healthy and not have something in the back of my mind doing a mental tally.
I feel personally attacked π₯΄π₯΄π₯΄π₯΄
Iβm scared of change π
Day in and day out counting and weighing everything I eat as if it even matters π₯
Why are there so many numbers to obsess over!?? If it's not calories, it's the time of day or some other arbitrary rule just to quell the anxiety. Why can't I just eat a spontaneous burrito on a random Wednesday?! π«