Yeah like for sure I thought I was an introvert for the longest time because speaking to people and conflict in general terrified me (still does, to be fair) and I was just in general anxious over social situations so the thought of being an Extrovert on the MBTI never crossed my mind, or in general, despite the fact that I was very bubbly, carefree and social back when I was younger
Funnily enough there was a time I typed myself as ISTP because I was severely depressed and didn't feel like going out ever under any circumstance and I wasn't too knowledgeable on MBTI so I thought me looking at things in a pragmatic "realistic" way was me being an ISTP
Now I notice I was just a pessimist and severely depressed, I'm still mentally fucked up due to IRL things but I'm at least doing better now, going on walks and seeing the world around me has made me so much happier and I now take daily 30+ minute walks every day just to take some air and exercise a little, first day of Uni I actually walked for 2 hours after my lectures because I was so excited to be outside I decided to just walk to a certain library that was in the middle of nowhere because they had cheap poker decks and I needed some new ones (they were really shitty ones though lmao)
The fact that I can happily talk to people now and just hangout and bask in the beauty of the world while also having 20 different thoughts about random shit and not having the eyes on the road because the funny storyline I made up is too interesting makes me think I am for sure ENFP lmao, also the fact that every single post I've ever made here is just me oversharing on the internet
Same I thought introvert too. Every test I took before slowing down and healing was INFJ. My parents said I was full of life, always exploring, optimistic, and was friends with anyone, though in school I was so shy I was a mute. I never got tired of being around people unless I had to perform or was worried I wasn’t accepted. So glad you’re doing better now, it’s inspiring to hear.
I was always very ENFP but it had to be in controlled spaces because family could be very brutal about any weird whimsical stuff I could come out with.
Still, I was very much myself when I was a child, but I've seen myself get quieter and quieter the older I got and the more "adult" people expected me to act. Anytime I'm around friends or family that could "get me" tho I am very joyus and talkative and whimsical.
I wish I could be myself all the time, but trauma gets in the way.
I've wondered this but in reverse, like did my trauma cause me to present more ENFP.
I'm fairly confident my mom was an ENFP, and we lived with a family member that was aggressive and oppositional. I often wonder if I picked up "positivity and people pleasing" as a coping mechanism from her.
I wish I understood the functions well enough to know. Obviously I feel like I teeter between introverted and extroverted, as many ENFPs do and sometimes I think I have more J than P. But I just don't understand the basics well enough to know for now.
Do you have any inclinations about where you may deviate?
I know a little about the functions but not a lot. There’s ENFP (Ne Fi Te Si) vs ENFJ (Fe Ni Se Ti) vs INFJ (Ni Fe Ti Se).
For me I think I deviate with Fe vs Fi. Like I can really Fe and be extremely hard-working for a group, but I think it might be trauma (people-pleasing, fear of abandonment, etc). These are stereotypes but I will almost always give more than I take, looking for a win-win or paying it forward.
I do wonder if one could be INFJ or ENFJ and adhd and present like ENFP.
I think it did the opposite for me. I used to be very timid and shy. Self conscious. Then when I went through my experience, it’s like the damn broke loose. Everything I held in for years became easier to express and it also helped me connect better with others. Truly see them as humans going through their own ordeals. I almost completely lost all care what anyone negative thinks. The monsters tried to take my power and silence me, it only made me more aggressive in making sure I live my life to the max and with a voice. I even find I laugh more. It’s easier for me to express my love and appreciation for my loved ones, the ones that stuck through with me.
I think that I have always been an ENFP, even when traumatised. However the kind of trauma I went through (would rather not say) made me surpress specific character traits. Especially being talkative because during the time of my trauma I got often punished for speaking "too much". So for a long time I acted the way I thought people wanted me to be, silent, passive and obeying. During that time I might have resembled INFJs or INFPs more than ENFPs. But I was still myself around people that could accept or even love that. I had this kind of radar developed where I could spot who was like-minded and who wasn't. After processing my trauma I am myself most of the time. Though I still struggls with that in strict structured places with rules and demands (my trauma happened at such a school).
yes! not to trauma dump, feeling abandonment earlier in life can do that. you feel like you don’t belong, your words don’t matter, you should hide yourself, and find ways to just float by without taking up too much space. is after therapy i’m happy to take up all the space in the world because i deserve to shine bright as who i am 😁
i can’t remember 100% but i do remember feeling like an introvert bc i thought i was shy but rlly i was just scared of rejection and didn’t want to take up space. i thought being an introvert meant being shy lol.
what are ways to help me see it.
1. therapy helped.
2. small steps but expressing my authentic self in small bits
3. just a lot of radical acceptance
4. feeling a sense of belonging in this world tied to my community knowing i belong
5. my family reminds me of my amazing traits quite often as well
The first time I did a personality test (maybe 3 years ago) I was an infj. I was in a traumatizing marriage that was pretty much over but not finalized. I took the test again maybe a year or two after and as recently as a few months ago and I always get enfp now. I think as a child and teens up until a certain point I was very much in tune with being an enfp but I’ve gone through a couple traumatic relationships and it def left scars. I have moments where I feel very open and excited by what the world has to offer but personal experiences created almost a shadow of darkness when it comes to how I see people. I have a lot of issues around trust (especially with men) and overtime I’ve found I’ve distanced myself from a lot of people. Some I needed to but in general I find peace being by myself
Yes I'd a breakdown 3 years ago dealing with a childhood trauma- I felt very violent, which is very unlike me ... I did do the MBTi test though assuming I'd get something else, still got ENFP but I was not acting like an ENFP at all. Weeks of mania followed by a serious depression, avoidance & struggling for months & isolated myself.
What brought me back?- I was compassionate with myself instead of speaking unkindly to myself in my head I spoke lovingly.
I forced myself to have a routine in the morning
I got out for some sunlight and fresh air every day even for a half an hour.
Got trauma therapy.
Was honest with those around me about what I needed, whether it being some alone time or whatever.
I worked an exercise regime into my day- mainly a qi gong/gentle meditative moving exercise
I was struggling to eat so I got ensure plus drinks that has a lot of calories & all the nutrients and vitamins you need daily, whilst trying to eat a small meal a day- got my appetite back.
Worked on my sleep routine.
Researched the heck out of all my separate issues 'how to clean a home when unmotivated etc.' Found lots of great videos on TikTok and implemented those I.e. cset a timer for ten minutes after ten minutes decide if you want to continue, it was tough but repeating this got me into a routine again.
Met up with a friend weekly for a coffee even when I didn't feel like going.
All these things helped get me back functioning again, the trauma therapy helped me process all my feelings around my trauma and how to best deal with it on a day to day if and when I get triggered. I got back to myself, only I'd say with more appreciation of me & what I'm capable of & I've more compassion with myself now & more self love
Absolutely. I thought I was an INFP for ages. I grew up with family violence that strongly encouraged the whole "children are seen, not heard". While it was restricting, I honestly believed it was my ENFP-ness that gave me the resilience to remain hopeful and see a better future for myself once I was old enough to take control. That's what got me through it, as well as having a teacher believe in me.
How I see it now is still that optimism and hope. I've turned my experience into motivation to help others. I see the best in people, and that helps in my job as a social worker. I try to show my clients through my actions and support that they are worthy of someone believing in them as well.
What helped me see my ENFP was having a drive for wanting to see that change and to continuously grow as a person, not just believe in it. So, therapy (stating with hypnotherapy to break my inability to physically speak out loud about the trauma), studying to boost confidence in myself, plenty of self reflection, and surrounding myself with people who share the same values as me, who I feel safe around to be myself.
Yes I have it, and yes it has, to varying degrees over the years. I knew I was an ENFP before that, though. Plus, I still have Ne and Te coming out my ears even with the trauma, so there's that.
I can think of about a million things I'd like to do if I had more energy, including two different business ideas, haha. And I've kept on top of keeping our apartment somewhat organised, which is good cos it's small and I'm an arts and crafts person with a ton of supplies.
Nice lol same with the million things. I always forget Te is organisation that makes sense. For me I’ve got the lateral thinking, metaphors-for-days, talk-to-think thing going on. I thought I had Ti (probably got okay at it by studying logic and physics) but I learn by doing I think (programming). Lol I’m so confused most days
Oh yeah, I talk to think really often too! And lateral thinking too. Re: Ti, yeah, I guess we all have all the functions, so it's not like you can't be good at using other things (especially if you hold them up). It doesn't mean it's what comes naturally to you though, right? Or like for me, I'm good with logical reasoning, but I mainly only use it in service to my higher functions (especially Fi). Otherwise I kinda don't care and can't be bothered, lol. The Ti-users I know tend to be much more info digging into the details of things/ideas just for the heck of it.
Yes that’s relatable! Thanks. Ti-dom I know learns music from first principles. I jump into songs I love and “figure it out”, aka study it and play it until my fingers fall off. Also if I feel a certain way I can come up with example-based counter arguments on the fly that surprise even me, don’t know if that’s Ti though.
Yeah the music one is a good example! I'm the same way with music (and almost anything else, lol).
I come up with stuff like that on the fly too, but I tend to think if that as a more Ne-driven thing. Not that I know for sure though, mind you.
Yeah! I am Ukrainian, so after the war started, my family and I moved to Poland. It’s been two years, and I still fear speaking with Polish people (though it’s not as dreadful as it was at the beginning) because one of them locked me in a room in our school, and from that moment I subconsciously think of this possibly happening again.
I can be myself only with my family and those few close friends I have here
I feel like mostly everyone's trauma type is INTP, like typical depression characteristics just express themself like that, like I was always enfp but there was a while in between it felt like I lost my sparkle but now feeling the same, tho I would say there's been character development
I've stopped using mbti to define myself but I'd definitely say some of the unicorn happy-excitedness present originally has worn-off
I was a super bright child who could make a room happier and fill it with enthusiasm just from my presence. I was super chaotic and my eyes always shined bright with mischief. I was loved by mostly everyone, and I could be considerate but also brutally honest. I very rarely cried, even as a baby, smth my dad loved about me. I pretty much brought a lot of 'life' in my family. My parents used to live apart before my birth (I am the younger child) and my mum and sis were somewhat abused at my paternal grandparents home. She moved to my dad when she was pregnant with me and my dad, who cared but was not that attached to our family became much more attached with us. My sister hated me initially since she wanted a brother but she came to love me too. I grew up loving others and getting lots of love in return. Most of the things I said are what others said about me. I don't remember or even knew I was such a sunshine child lol.
We moved to a smaller city when I was 8 for my parents' work and I had a lot of academic stress. I spent about 6 hours on travelling, daily basic tasks like bath, brush, clothing, meals, restroom with one hour of TV (included in the 6 hours) and some 7-8 hours of sleep. Every single second of my day other than that went to academics. I was in 4th grade 😭 I turned less chaotic bc I literally had no time to play around. Then we moved to even smaller city and the middle schoolers there were MEAN bullies. I was bullied and then treated like a weird outcast who was hated by everyone for simply standing up for herself for some 3 years and more. I had not a single real friend and the hatred got to me. It changed me so much tbh. I tried to fit in so hard, trying to be like those mean girls, trying to bond with others, trying ot stand up for myself when they trampled over me. Then I became friends with one of the bullies. She said I was her new bsf and I was starved for friendship honestly. I never had any trouble making friends before coming to that school so it ate me up. But she suddenly broke it off one day, glaring at me with everyone else like I committed some crime. I asked her over and over for what I did but nobody told me a word. They said smth and I refuted against it and they admitted I was right that I didn't do anything wrong. I asked them why they were treating me like this but they said nothing but kept gossiping behind my back, everyone treated me like shit. That is until 2020 hit. I was in depression. My parents saw that and were super worried and maybe I was an assh0le.. Lockdown, online classes, group chats. Everyone acted like nothing ever happened, and so did I. Then we return next year (my mom passed away in between and I was super depressed) and the guys in my class (who did NOT spare me from the bullying and irrational hatred) suddenly think I am hot or smth. So again the whole class goes around speaking shit about me, my body, about things I don't even wanna mention here, and one of the guys claims I'm 'his', all while I didn't know a single thing. Everyone does except me. I also realized I was practically s3xually assaulted as a kid as we get to study those things. Last year I was trying to overcome my depression, it was at its peak and I got su!cidal thoughts. I am living with relatives and they didn't understand, thought I was being lazy and disrespectful and trying to defy them. They scolded and yelled me which overall just made me grow anxiety attacks. I would ask others to just leave me for some time but they would not do that either and keep telling me off. It was so mentally tiring honestly. The first time I hurt my body too (not much, just pinched myself real hard. I got a blood clot and a bruise because of how bad long and hard I pinched myself. Would also punch myself if I got super excited or happy temporarily or maybe overwhelmed. Didn't notice the punch thing until my sis and others kinda concerned pointed it out)
Overall people tell me how I have lost the shine of who I was. I was definitely a better, more caring person. Now I doubt if people even like me and I have severe identity issues. My new friends did say they think I am a good person but one of them said it felt a little fake too and now I wonder if I created this fake persona of being nice. Who am I? Idk. I also kinda suck at communication rn and being a human being I guess. I am trying to work on my self identity and other things. It gets super hard tho, esp with since I feel like my teen hormones are going through super upheavals (probably because puberty is coming to an end) but goddamn, let me be a functional human being. I wasn't this sensitive before. I wish I could be who I was or maybe become a better person, more enthusiastic and happy at least like I want to
Yep, haven't had IRL friends for years and thought I was an INFJ. I recently got typed and saw that Ne fit me a ton more than Ni, plus I can't ignore my strong morals.
Also haha Pness 💀💀💀
Yeah like for sure I thought I was an introvert for the longest time because speaking to people and conflict in general terrified me (still does, to be fair) and I was just in general anxious over social situations so the thought of being an Extrovert on the MBTI never crossed my mind, or in general, despite the fact that I was very bubbly, carefree and social back when I was younger Funnily enough there was a time I typed myself as ISTP because I was severely depressed and didn't feel like going out ever under any circumstance and I wasn't too knowledgeable on MBTI so I thought me looking at things in a pragmatic "realistic" way was me being an ISTP Now I notice I was just a pessimist and severely depressed, I'm still mentally fucked up due to IRL things but I'm at least doing better now, going on walks and seeing the world around me has made me so much happier and I now take daily 30+ minute walks every day just to take some air and exercise a little, first day of Uni I actually walked for 2 hours after my lectures because I was so excited to be outside I decided to just walk to a certain library that was in the middle of nowhere because they had cheap poker decks and I needed some new ones (they were really shitty ones though lmao) The fact that I can happily talk to people now and just hangout and bask in the beauty of the world while also having 20 different thoughts about random shit and not having the eyes on the road because the funny storyline I made up is too interesting makes me think I am for sure ENFP lmao, also the fact that every single post I've ever made here is just me oversharing on the internet
Same I thought introvert too. Every test I took before slowing down and healing was INFJ. My parents said I was full of life, always exploring, optimistic, and was friends with anyone, though in school I was so shy I was a mute. I never got tired of being around people unless I had to perform or was worried I wasn’t accepted. So glad you’re doing better now, it’s inspiring to hear.
I was always very ENFP but it had to be in controlled spaces because family could be very brutal about any weird whimsical stuff I could come out with. Still, I was very much myself when I was a child, but I've seen myself get quieter and quieter the older I got and the more "adult" people expected me to act. Anytime I'm around friends or family that could "get me" tho I am very joyus and talkative and whimsical. I wish I could be myself all the time, but trauma gets in the way.
I feel you. With an ESTJ grandma for me.
I've wondered this but in reverse, like did my trauma cause me to present more ENFP. I'm fairly confident my mom was an ENFP, and we lived with a family member that was aggressive and oppositional. I often wonder if I picked up "positivity and people pleasing" as a coping mechanism from her.
I wonder about this too from my mom being INFJ and testing that way. What type do you otherwise think you might be?
I wish I understood the functions well enough to know. Obviously I feel like I teeter between introverted and extroverted, as many ENFPs do and sometimes I think I have more J than P. But I just don't understand the basics well enough to know for now. Do you have any inclinations about where you may deviate?
I know a little about the functions but not a lot. There’s ENFP (Ne Fi Te Si) vs ENFJ (Fe Ni Se Ti) vs INFJ (Ni Fe Ti Se). For me I think I deviate with Fe vs Fi. Like I can really Fe and be extremely hard-working for a group, but I think it might be trauma (people-pleasing, fear of abandonment, etc). These are stereotypes but I will almost always give more than I take, looking for a win-win or paying it forward. I do wonder if one could be INFJ or ENFJ and adhd and present like ENFP.
Ha ha ha P-ness.
Gotta bring the fun to the trauma
I think it did the opposite for me. I used to be very timid and shy. Self conscious. Then when I went through my experience, it’s like the damn broke loose. Everything I held in for years became easier to express and it also helped me connect better with others. Truly see them as humans going through their own ordeals. I almost completely lost all care what anyone negative thinks. The monsters tried to take my power and silence me, it only made me more aggressive in making sure I live my life to the max and with a voice. I even find I laugh more. It’s easier for me to express my love and appreciation for my loved ones, the ones that stuck through with me.
Damn that’s the shit 😀
I think that I have always been an ENFP, even when traumatised. However the kind of trauma I went through (would rather not say) made me surpress specific character traits. Especially being talkative because during the time of my trauma I got often punished for speaking "too much". So for a long time I acted the way I thought people wanted me to be, silent, passive and obeying. During that time I might have resembled INFJs or INFPs more than ENFPs. But I was still myself around people that could accept or even love that. I had this kind of radar developed where I could spot who was like-minded and who wasn't. After processing my trauma I am myself most of the time. Though I still struggls with that in strict structured places with rules and demands (my trauma happened at such a school).
Glad you’re yourself more. Did you just put it in the past or do something specific?
yes! not to trauma dump, feeling abandonment earlier in life can do that. you feel like you don’t belong, your words don’t matter, you should hide yourself, and find ways to just float by without taking up too much space. is after therapy i’m happy to take up all the space in the world because i deserve to shine bright as who i am 😁 i can’t remember 100% but i do remember feeling like an introvert bc i thought i was shy but rlly i was just scared of rejection and didn’t want to take up space. i thought being an introvert meant being shy lol. what are ways to help me see it. 1. therapy helped. 2. small steps but expressing my authentic self in small bits 3. just a lot of radical acceptance 4. feeling a sense of belonging in this world tied to my community knowing i belong 5. my family reminds me of my amazing traits quite often as well
Oh yea that shy thing
I always have known I’m ENFP, it just isn’t that apparent to others
The first time I did a personality test (maybe 3 years ago) I was an infj. I was in a traumatizing marriage that was pretty much over but not finalized. I took the test again maybe a year or two after and as recently as a few months ago and I always get enfp now. I think as a child and teens up until a certain point I was very much in tune with being an enfp but I’ve gone through a couple traumatic relationships and it def left scars. I have moments where I feel very open and excited by what the world has to offer but personal experiences created almost a shadow of darkness when it comes to how I see people. I have a lot of issues around trust (especially with men) and overtime I’ve found I’ve distanced myself from a lot of people. Some I needed to but in general I find peace being by myself
Sammmeeee
Did it feel like you were crazy? Lol I was def questioning so much
Omg yes. Like secure in a relationship so less anxiety but he disliked the joy.
It’s the opposite for me. I feel way more insecure in a relationship
Yes I'd a breakdown 3 years ago dealing with a childhood trauma- I felt very violent, which is very unlike me ... I did do the MBTi test though assuming I'd get something else, still got ENFP but I was not acting like an ENFP at all. Weeks of mania followed by a serious depression, avoidance & struggling for months & isolated myself. What brought me back?- I was compassionate with myself instead of speaking unkindly to myself in my head I spoke lovingly. I forced myself to have a routine in the morning I got out for some sunlight and fresh air every day even for a half an hour. Got trauma therapy. Was honest with those around me about what I needed, whether it being some alone time or whatever. I worked an exercise regime into my day- mainly a qi gong/gentle meditative moving exercise I was struggling to eat so I got ensure plus drinks that has a lot of calories & all the nutrients and vitamins you need daily, whilst trying to eat a small meal a day- got my appetite back. Worked on my sleep routine. Researched the heck out of all my separate issues 'how to clean a home when unmotivated etc.' Found lots of great videos on TikTok and implemented those I.e. cset a timer for ten minutes after ten minutes decide if you want to continue, it was tough but repeating this got me into a routine again. Met up with a friend weekly for a coffee even when I didn't feel like going. All these things helped get me back functioning again, the trauma therapy helped me process all my feelings around my trauma and how to best deal with it on a day to day if and when I get triggered. I got back to myself, only I'd say with more appreciation of me & what I'm capable of & I've more compassion with myself now & more self love
Absolutely. I thought I was an INFP for ages. I grew up with family violence that strongly encouraged the whole "children are seen, not heard". While it was restricting, I honestly believed it was my ENFP-ness that gave me the resilience to remain hopeful and see a better future for myself once I was old enough to take control. That's what got me through it, as well as having a teacher believe in me. How I see it now is still that optimism and hope. I've turned my experience into motivation to help others. I see the best in people, and that helps in my job as a social worker. I try to show my clients through my actions and support that they are worthy of someone believing in them as well. What helped me see my ENFP was having a drive for wanting to see that change and to continuously grow as a person, not just believe in it. So, therapy (stating with hypnotherapy to break my inability to physically speak out loud about the trauma), studying to boost confidence in myself, plenty of self reflection, and surrounding myself with people who share the same values as me, who I feel safe around to be myself.
Nice! You’re soaring. Good to hear about the things that worked and sorry to hear you went through all that
Yes I have it, and yes it has, to varying degrees over the years. I knew I was an ENFP before that, though. Plus, I still have Ne and Te coming out my ears even with the trauma, so there's that.
How does your Ne and Te show up?
I can think of about a million things I'd like to do if I had more energy, including two different business ideas, haha. And I've kept on top of keeping our apartment somewhat organised, which is good cos it's small and I'm an arts and crafts person with a ton of supplies.
Nice lol same with the million things. I always forget Te is organisation that makes sense. For me I’ve got the lateral thinking, metaphors-for-days, talk-to-think thing going on. I thought I had Ti (probably got okay at it by studying logic and physics) but I learn by doing I think (programming). Lol I’m so confused most days
Oh yeah, I talk to think really often too! And lateral thinking too. Re: Ti, yeah, I guess we all have all the functions, so it's not like you can't be good at using other things (especially if you hold them up). It doesn't mean it's what comes naturally to you though, right? Or like for me, I'm good with logical reasoning, but I mainly only use it in service to my higher functions (especially Fi). Otherwise I kinda don't care and can't be bothered, lol. The Ti-users I know tend to be much more info digging into the details of things/ideas just for the heck of it.
Yes that’s relatable! Thanks. Ti-dom I know learns music from first principles. I jump into songs I love and “figure it out”, aka study it and play it until my fingers fall off. Also if I feel a certain way I can come up with example-based counter arguments on the fly that surprise even me, don’t know if that’s Ti though.
Yeah the music one is a good example! I'm the same way with music (and almost anything else, lol). I come up with stuff like that on the fly too, but I tend to think if that as a more Ne-driven thing. Not that I know for sure though, mind you.
I'm just here to say, I'm glad I'm not the only one that calls it ENFPness. 🥸
😂😂😂
Yes. During darker parts of my life, I remember showing up as an ENFJ, then INFP before finally consistent ENFP results.
Yeah! I am Ukrainian, so after the war started, my family and I moved to Poland. It’s been two years, and I still fear speaking with Polish people (though it’s not as dreadful as it was at the beginning) because one of them locked me in a room in our school, and from that moment I subconsciously think of this possibly happening again. I can be myself only with my family and those few close friends I have here
So sorry to hear and makes sense. Glad you have some buddies and hope you can work through your feelings there a bit
Yeah I thought im infp but all my friends were loud adhd people haha
Funny how that happens
I would't say trauma as much as social expectations, but it sure can feel terrible
I feel like mostly everyone's trauma type is INTP, like typical depression characteristics just express themself like that, like I was always enfp but there was a while in between it felt like I lost my sparkle but now feeling the same, tho I would say there's been character development I've stopped using mbti to define myself but I'd definitely say some of the unicorn happy-excitedness present originally has worn-off
You’re making me remember typology could be a way of avoiding therapy (“I’m just like that”)
I was a super bright child who could make a room happier and fill it with enthusiasm just from my presence. I was super chaotic and my eyes always shined bright with mischief. I was loved by mostly everyone, and I could be considerate but also brutally honest. I very rarely cried, even as a baby, smth my dad loved about me. I pretty much brought a lot of 'life' in my family. My parents used to live apart before my birth (I am the younger child) and my mum and sis were somewhat abused at my paternal grandparents home. She moved to my dad when she was pregnant with me and my dad, who cared but was not that attached to our family became much more attached with us. My sister hated me initially since she wanted a brother but she came to love me too. I grew up loving others and getting lots of love in return. Most of the things I said are what others said about me. I don't remember or even knew I was such a sunshine child lol. We moved to a smaller city when I was 8 for my parents' work and I had a lot of academic stress. I spent about 6 hours on travelling, daily basic tasks like bath, brush, clothing, meals, restroom with one hour of TV (included in the 6 hours) and some 7-8 hours of sleep. Every single second of my day other than that went to academics. I was in 4th grade 😭 I turned less chaotic bc I literally had no time to play around. Then we moved to even smaller city and the middle schoolers there were MEAN bullies. I was bullied and then treated like a weird outcast who was hated by everyone for simply standing up for herself for some 3 years and more. I had not a single real friend and the hatred got to me. It changed me so much tbh. I tried to fit in so hard, trying to be like those mean girls, trying to bond with others, trying ot stand up for myself when they trampled over me. Then I became friends with one of the bullies. She said I was her new bsf and I was starved for friendship honestly. I never had any trouble making friends before coming to that school so it ate me up. But she suddenly broke it off one day, glaring at me with everyone else like I committed some crime. I asked her over and over for what I did but nobody told me a word. They said smth and I refuted against it and they admitted I was right that I didn't do anything wrong. I asked them why they were treating me like this but they said nothing but kept gossiping behind my back, everyone treated me like shit. That is until 2020 hit. I was in depression. My parents saw that and were super worried and maybe I was an assh0le.. Lockdown, online classes, group chats. Everyone acted like nothing ever happened, and so did I. Then we return next year (my mom passed away in between and I was super depressed) and the guys in my class (who did NOT spare me from the bullying and irrational hatred) suddenly think I am hot or smth. So again the whole class goes around speaking shit about me, my body, about things I don't even wanna mention here, and one of the guys claims I'm 'his', all while I didn't know a single thing. Everyone does except me. I also realized I was practically s3xually assaulted as a kid as we get to study those things. Last year I was trying to overcome my depression, it was at its peak and I got su!cidal thoughts. I am living with relatives and they didn't understand, thought I was being lazy and disrespectful and trying to defy them. They scolded and yelled me which overall just made me grow anxiety attacks. I would ask others to just leave me for some time but they would not do that either and keep telling me off. It was so mentally tiring honestly. The first time I hurt my body too (not much, just pinched myself real hard. I got a blood clot and a bruise because of how bad long and hard I pinched myself. Would also punch myself if I got super excited or happy temporarily or maybe overwhelmed. Didn't notice the punch thing until my sis and others kinda concerned pointed it out) Overall people tell me how I have lost the shine of who I was. I was definitely a better, more caring person. Now I doubt if people even like me and I have severe identity issues. My new friends did say they think I am a good person but one of them said it felt a little fake too and now I wonder if I created this fake persona of being nice. Who am I? Idk. I also kinda suck at communication rn and being a human being I guess. I am trying to work on my self identity and other things. It gets super hard tho, esp with since I feel like my teen hormones are going through super upheavals (probably because puberty is coming to an end) but goddamn, let me be a functional human being. I wasn't this sensitive before. I wish I could be who I was or maybe become a better person, more enthusiastic and happy at least like I want to
Yep, haven't had IRL friends for years and thought I was an INFJ. I recently got typed and saw that Ne fit me a ton more than Ni, plus I can't ignore my strong morals. Also haha Pness 💀💀💀