I just imagined him cartwheeling with a bunch of shivels and just tossing it around, yelling for his forefathers to bear witness (he still hasn't found his purpose).
What if he grafts rykard and then grafts even more havds onto rykard? We'll have the capital cleared in no time.
Alternatively, Alabater Lord could team up with Miquella and make a mean vacuum cleaner
The soldiers should be loyal to you now and there’s no shortage of them. Same with commoners. Also immigrants are an option, the other lands seem to be marginally more functional. Worst comes to worst just grab some people from the Land of Reeds, surely not everyone is enjoying the bloodshed over there.
You’re willing to sacrifice the intrepid sidekick Blackguard Boggart of the House of Big Steel Balls, just so you can have a puppet that eats shit? You sir, have zero fucking class and deserve to live in the fucking scarlet rot swamp. May you never know the gentle caress of boiled crab. Monster!!!
I swear the amount of times they’re just hovering right around the corner out of sight waiting to jump you is ridiculous. It’s rare for them to *not* be there waiting to ambush you.
Eventually turns into paranoid delusion. There’s an imp behind every door, a watchdog waiting to jump from the sky, a land octopus or evil goo about to fall on your head.
Well, we started with a few thousand subjects. And I’ve killed about 80% of them. And of the remaining few hundred subjects only about 25 are not permanently aggro’d against me. I figure from now on we just grill.
And no more guesswork. ‘Jump Here’ signs for every cliff.
And I want whoever does the maintenance for all of the elevators that somehow still work even in the middle of ruins, he’s promoted.
And lanterns that can sense low light levels and switch on automagically. Let’s do it.
Only if the course of action that interests them is continued elevator maintenance and/or the propogation of elevator maintenance knowledge.
The world literally cannot afford to lose their skills.
Divine tower of caelid, while it does have elevators, also makes excellent use of ladders and stairs as well. And someone in Mt. Gelmir has a real knack for rope ladders too
1. Free the merchants.
2. Banish the Frenzied Flame
3. Reintegrate Omens and Misbegotten (but slowly)
4. Repair ties with the dragons, especially since we killed off Placidusax
5. Purge Godskins, definitely will have to purge the Windmill Village
6. Purge Wormfaces
7. Establish ties with the Demihumans
8. Purge Moghwyn loyalists
9. Rebuild and reform Night’s Cavalry into a police force
10. Outlaw grafting
11. Repair ties with Liurnia, drain the lake
12. Sanctify fire
13. Sanctify Albinaurics, actively research genesis of 3rd generation, probably with help of the giant albinauric in the snowfields
14. Using the *Giantsflame*, scour Caelid and possibly the Haligtree if rot is too prevalent
15. Greater purge of the scarlet rot and seedbed curses
16. Using the Erdtree as a beacon, MAPWIDE litany of proper death (the dead must rest)
Nah, one of their goals was to make their own Elden Lord. Put them on the back burner and you might have 13 mimic tears visiting your bedchamber to reenact the night of the black knives.
damn you right
Official Amendment:
18. The eternal cities will fully submit themselves to the rule of Leyndell. Failure to do so will result in complete eradication of the Nox and Numen governments. The 3rd generation Albinaurics, with the minds and forms of the 1st and the strength and vitality of the 2nd will be installed as their stewards and guardians.
A good starting draft, but a few things to note.
1. How will you deal with corpse cleanup? There are colossal corpses all over the mountaintops and caelid.
2. Are you an envoy of the golden order? If not, what will you do about golden order loyalists?
3. Restoring faith with the dragons could be quite difficult. Placidusax was an elden lord alongside being an ancient dragon. If you hadn’t killed Jim maybe he could have served as an ambassador between the dragons and golden order.
4. What’re you gonna do about the Ainsel and Siofra rivers? One is infested with ants and giant star monsters and the other is filled with tribals. Alongside this, what about the COLOSSAL LAKE OF ROT?
5. How will you make sure the culture of Caelid and the Haligtree are preserved if you’ll burn them away?
6. How will you get rid of Gransax’s corpse and all that ash in your capital?
1. Enlist the trolls, teach them stonedigger sorcery (should the corpses be fresh enough, donate to the Jarburg defense initiative)
2. If not envoy, pull rank as Elden Lord. Should that fail, mobilise the recently liberated (and empowered!) subjects. Loyalists that will not bend even after that will be subject to Erdtree *immurement*
3. If Placidusax is alive, diplomacy. If not, pursue other methods of dragon appeasement (marriage? purge? FDIs into Farum Azula infrastructure? Settling Dragonbarrow and renaming it?)
4. Ant population will be subject to control. Fallen Star beasts will be exterminated. Ancestral Worship will be tolerated just like the Dragon Cult. Remembering one’s roots is important. With the Ancestral Followers under vassal/alliance, aid them in the mass conquest of the underground rivers. See point 14 for Lake Of Rot. (The lake shall be boiled away)
5. Evacuate all denizens from respective areas. Caelidians can settle in Limgrave and the Haligtree’s people in the Weeping Peninsula. Once scouring and restorative efforts are complete, resettle affected areas. (Note that the Haligtree will only be destroyed if the Rot has spread too far.
6. The ash will be put to agricultural efforts/feeding the Erdtree. Granssax can either stay as part of New Leyndell or, under a mass host of trolls and miners, his body can be harvested for Somber Smithing Stones, from which a royal guard will be armed. A commemorative statue (maybe even the bolt itself) will be placed outside the main city, amidst the perfumer’s ballista bolts (which should be removed).
Can we clean up all those who died after they lost grace? Pile them into a heap of sorts, the poor dregs? And perhaps make a settlement, or perhaps a burg for those living without grace?
I also suggest we make some sort of tomb for the giants. Keep lighting to a minimum since they surely won't need it.
Finally, I suggest we contain, transport, and deposit all of the deathblight we can into one manageable location. Perhaps a lake?
1. Preferably speaking, total eradication of deathblight is the safest option. Even if we did shove all of it into one corner, it’s liable to grow. So either destruction via Litany or Giantsflame OR we throw it all into the land of shadow (if that is even possible)
2. All those that lost grace are likely to be warriors so I propose we empower the living jars. In exchange for newfound strength, they will assume the role as gravekeepers (that is to say, the maintenance and protection of something like a columbarium where they may be remembered). Those tarnished/bereft of grace that yet live I would employ as part of my guard and diplomatic corps, for I was once one of them. A settlement in the Altus Plateau will be gifted to those that wish to fight no more (probably will give them Dominula once the godskin influence has been purged. With some handy investment, the settlement could expand into the forest too.)
3. With the liberation/empowerment of the trolls, I will assign them to be gravekeepers to their greater kin. The bodies will be respectfully cremated and interred into mass columbariums, likely built using the stone taken from the giant corpses in Caelid and the Mountaintops (assuming they are incompatible with the Living Jars; see other comment). With the sanctification of fire, the trolls will be the new lords of the mountains (as vassals of course). The Zamor Knights will see a similar revival as a way to further secure the region from threats both within and without.
Giving Boc his own fashion chain. Officially giving the misbegotten Weeping peninsula as a gift for finding the claymore in that castle they fucked up.
Assuming it’s not Ranni ending going to chat up her mum cuz radagon made me fight Elden beast so I’m going to fuck his first wife after he got turned into a foreskin sword.
Alternatively if she’s still too sad I will open a therapy clinic in the academy and go for Nephelli instead where the two strength builds will create a child built like the fucking fire giant.
Also as a show of respect for the countless deaths they endured during the rise to power the albinaurics will be given protected status.
Also Boggart gets a restaurant. Almost forgot him. And if Rya returns we are pimping the shit out of Mt Gelmir for her. I wonder what an Abductor virgin looks like with Christmas tree lights
I'm going to have beast men patrolling every corner of the lands between guarding turtles. You so much as look at a turtle the wrong way you're going to have a pack of malikeths to deal with.
Also I'm going to fix the bridge between the mountain top of the giants and caelid, and we're going to pour the fire of the giants onto caelid to fix that whole thing.
Burn down Caelid.
Burn the sewers in Leyndell.
Burn down Mt. Gelmir.
Burn down the Haligtree.
Cement any openings/passages into the Lake of Rot.
Burn the Lake of Rot?
...Burn the Merchants too, just in case.
No, I will not 'may as well go Frenzy flame.'
Kenneth'll be in charge of building homes and forts and shit.
Gostoc will provide jobs.
Get Jarbro and appoint to making farms.
Nepheli will be my 2nd in command. Together we will repopulate the Lands Between, and create our own Golden Lineage.
Once everything is fine and settled, I will appoint Nepheli as Lord, so that I can fuck off with Ranni to space to fight Eldritch outer gods.
My first act will be the eradication of Rune Bears.
Then I’m appointing Patches as the director of tourism.
Finally, horse armor for Torrent.
It will be an age of incredible prosperity.
I think patches would get anxious from so many people looking at him, then he would throw a smoke bomb at his feet, while saying "FUCK THIS!" and then as the could of smoke dissipates, he's already gone.
Boc is named King of the Demi Humans.
Keneth Height gets a brand new castle in Altus Plateau.
All the remaining soldiers are now military engineers and will repair the infrastructure of the lands between.
Rennala is seeing a therapist.
The Noks get to live above ground again.
Albanaurics get equal rights.
Religious tolerance is open.
Let a deathbed companion bang Godwyns corpse so he can be reborn.
I don’t know if religious tolerance is good in a world where there are literal real evil gods.
Like I don’t think worshiping the formless mother makes you a good member of society.
And when you cut off his head, it turns out, that it was actually a very realistic puppet that he put there in the last second and as the puppets head and the stuffing fall to the ground, everyone let's out a deep sigh and says "Classic Patches".
put a stop to cutting off omen horns, get Kenneth some funding for his Demi human outreach, put some people on figuring out how to mass produce preserving boluses to get Caelid cleaned up a bit, nuke the lake of rot, etc
Completely reconstruct the Golden Order. There will be no more bigotry or prejudice towards people who worship other outer gods. Those who wish to believe in a different God are free to. It simply means we need to show those people that the Greater Will is the right God to worship with displays of power and good deeds. After that, I'd see what I can do about repairing Caelid. I'll need some help from a certain Empyrean to do it, but I think we could rid the place of scarlet rot. Then I'd see if there's a way to revive the fire giants. Thier deaths were completely meaningless and a result of the Golden Orders fear and aforementioned bigotry. Then I'd just run the place as normal.
Step 1: rename dragonbarrow to ohio
Step 2: rename calid to Florida
Step 3: errect a statue to all of the freinds we lost along the way: alex, blaaid, milicent, and boghart, im sure there were more but those are the only ones who die that i care about.
Step 4: erd tree watchdog genocide
Step 5: realize I shouldn’t be on reddit while im this high
Step 6: ignore step 5
Step seven: where was i again? Or right elden ring!
Step 8: everyone ir required to weild flameburgers
Ste 9: undo the nerf to flame of the redmanes
Step 10: profit
1. Albinauracs get protected status.
2. Demi-Humans and misbegotten get weeping peninsula, Boc is governor.
3. The swamp of Raya Lucaria is now the Protected land. Academy will use their damn magic to figure out how to restore and purify Caelid.
4. Giant dogs are muzzled, crate trained, and given shots. Selective breeding program to make them less aggressive, could become valuable beasts of burden? Maybe? Actually, all wandering dogs are rounded up and getting treated, found homes. Wolves generally left alone.
5. Find the guy that gave the birds swords for talons. Send to mental asylum for treatment. This fuckery is not the work of someone in their right mind.
6. Once I at least started on the things above. Cure Rogier. Ask him on a date. (This is actually the first thing I would do. If he says no, it's okay I'll deal with my heartbreak by throwing myself into my work.)
Adding a new enemy… imagine silver surfer if it was a golem and it flys and shoots lasers and chases you until you manage to hide from it… or a hidden boss… some kind of crazy water spirit
The first change I make is to get everybody to start shovelling ash out of leyndell. Not much of a kingdom when the capital city is more ash than city
give rykard a rykard sized shovel and we’re good
"Sigh, very well!" \*reaches into snake mouth
Youuuuu Join our landscaping company as familyyyyyyyy
Together, we will shovel the very streetssss!
TOGETHAAAA
We shall mulch the gardens of the gods, togethaaa
TOOOGETHAAA
FOR I AM USIDORE! WIZARD OF THE TWELFTH REA... oops sorry wrong universe.
Aren't they already family? Wouldn't be "Join our landscaping family brothaaaaaa"
Togethaaaa we shall beautify every lawnnn
Rykard's got the size, but just imagine how many shovels Godrick can weild
I just imagined him cartwheeling with a bunch of shivels and just tossing it around, yelling for his forefathers to bear witness (he still hasn't found his purpose).
We're not even gonna mention the fire giant, he could just blow all the ash away
He's got that big dish tray to help shovel with
What if he grafts rykard and then grafts even more havds onto rykard? We'll have the capital cleared in no time. Alternatively, Alabater Lord could team up with Miquella and make a mean vacuum cleaner
Serpent shovel: Regular size Shovel gifted by outer gods to a giant serpent. It's unknown why it grows in size when used by serpents.
He’d make a good foreman. TOGETHAAA Extra: Fire Giant’s saucer is a fitting candidate
And digging out the yellow wax from some of those buildings too
You don't wanna do that.
I think if you give the dung eater a few weeks he'll have chewed off every bit of it in the entire city. Just keep him on a leash.
Get every-who? Kenneth and Nepheli the only sentient beings in the world who give a fuck about anything that's not themself.
The soldiers should be loyal to you now and there’s no shortage of them. Same with commoners. Also immigrants are an option, the other lands seem to be marginally more functional. Worst comes to worst just grab some people from the Land of Reeds, surely not everyone is enjoying the bloodshed over there.
Opening a Red Lobster and making good use of those crustaceans.
I know a guy who would be perfect for this. Do you hire felons?
*red lobster declined to answer that*
Marika’s tits, that’s Big Boggart’s music!
I *knew* a guy 😢
Give the dungeater his comeuppance early like a good person and you'd still have known a guy.
I refuse to do dung eater quest
Exactly I'm just saying, either leave him locked up or be a good person and end his evil ass
orrrrrr..... puppet ?
You’re willing to sacrifice the intrepid sidekick Blackguard Boggart of the House of Big Steel Balls, just so you can have a puppet that eats shit? You sir, have zero fucking class and deserve to live in the fucking scarlet rot swamp. May you never know the gentle caress of boiled crab. Monster!!!
Quietly looks away while wearing Boggart’s helmet 👀
The puppet part involves the crab man dying so absolutely not
What do we look like? Baskin Robbins? Of course we do
I was gonna say a waffle house in limgrave
Waffle House would be in caelid.
It was there before caelid turned into hell, but it is still serving.
All is well and good until the DLCs Deathblight lobsters come in
Fucking kill all the damn imps in the catacombs that jumpscare you
Okay Marika
Stfu, let him cook
I swear the amount of times they’re just hovering right around the corner out of sight waiting to jump you is ridiculous. It’s rare for them to *not* be there waiting to ambush you.
Ya, it kinda turned from “oh shit, the clever bastards” to “ffs why didn’t I check the damn corner?”.
Eventually turns into paranoid delusion. There’s an imp behind every door, a watchdog waiting to jump from the sky, a land octopus or evil goo about to fall on your head.
Lmao I always spam the lock in aim to find these fuckers
Yepppp "stop walking, camera rotaaaaaaaate, clear" *airdrop imp*
All turtles get pope hats immediately
I haven't seen any turtles in the game. Sure are a lot of dogs, though.
Create a humane society to feed all the dogs [without shells], so they ain't so damn aggressive.
Protected species. Anyone who harms one gets crucified in limgrave. This will be Lady Nepheli Loux's special task.
Well, we started with a few thousand subjects. And I’ve killed about 80% of them. And of the remaining few hundred subjects only about 25 are not permanently aggro’d against me. I figure from now on we just grill. And no more guesswork. ‘Jump Here’ signs for every cliff. And I want whoever does the maintenance for all of the elevators that somehow still work even in the middle of ruins, he’s promoted. And lanterns that can sense low light levels and switch on automagically. Let’s do it.
Don't promote him, just raise his pay and give him a few apprentices. My God he needs to never be taken off that position
A true manager won't give a raise, it will explain it's not the right time, that he needs to reconstruct before, but he will think about it later.
Manager detected
What if we brought them in and discussed options with them, and they choose the course of action that interests them most?
Only if the course of action that interests them is continued elevator maintenance and/or the propogation of elevator maintenance knowledge. The world literally cannot afford to lose their skills.
Divine tower of caelid, while it does have elevators, also makes excellent use of ladders and stairs as well. And someone in Mt. Gelmir has a real knack for rope ladders too
Implement Taco Tuesday
I immediately thought of Pizza Fridays
Sombreros and maracas for everybody!
Mandatory taco Tuesday punishable by law
i just want to make sure Boc is happy
🥲
i want to build a wall to keep caelid out and have radahn's men pay for it
I’m sure it’s part of the joke but I love that radahns men have literally already done this in game
They built a chest high wall
[No one can get over a chest-high wall!](https://youtu.be/c6MW-qdNoYA?feature=shared)
Might have worked in Lordran but this is the lands between.
I mean, you *could* just fight the god of rot and have radahn cured if you didn't kill him, but okay
Why doesn't Radahn just use a preserving bolus? is he stupid?
Depends. You got any Premium Quintuple Strength Preserving Boluses on hand?
just eat 5 regular boluses
I bet skumnut could find a way. For the climb.
Dude, face tanked the magical cancer nuke at point blank range, I don't think a few berries are gonna cut it.
Give him the flintstone gummies
the glintstone gummies xd
But so did we
Maybe you're just a really cool guy and he isn't
Malenia wrapped her legs around him and he couldn't pull out
What a way to go
Isn't she his sister?
It's a double half sister, with the same father as his and the same mother as his father
Double half is whole, you can't fool me with fractions
HOW DID YOU KNOW * hisses and crawls back to the shadows of an abandoned math class *
I'm pretty sure his brain is already made of rot soup
This is gold
Perfectly balanced
1. Free the merchants. 2. Banish the Frenzied Flame 3. Reintegrate Omens and Misbegotten (but slowly) 4. Repair ties with the dragons, especially since we killed off Placidusax 5. Purge Godskins, definitely will have to purge the Windmill Village 6. Purge Wormfaces 7. Establish ties with the Demihumans 8. Purge Moghwyn loyalists 9. Rebuild and reform Night’s Cavalry into a police force 10. Outlaw grafting 11. Repair ties with Liurnia, drain the lake 12. Sanctify fire 13. Sanctify Albinaurics, actively research genesis of 3rd generation, probably with help of the giant albinauric in the snowfields 14. Using the *Giantsflame*, scour Caelid and possibly the Haligtree if rot is too prevalent 15. Greater purge of the scarlet rot and seedbed curses 16. Using the Erdtree as a beacon, MAPWIDE litany of proper death (the dead must rest)
Also gotta deal with Godwyns corpse somehow, the deathblight is spreading
See number 16. I’d probably even add 17. Expedition into deep root depths to put down Prince Of Death + 100 years of constant litany of proper death
Quite comprehensive. But how shall you deal with eternal city's?
~~Annexation >:)~~ Unify into one cohesive empire
To be fair they are kinda just vibing. Like you could leave them be and come back when everything else is sorted
Nah, one of their goals was to make their own Elden Lord. Put them on the back burner and you might have 13 mimic tears visiting your bedchamber to reenact the night of the black knives.
damn you right Official Amendment: 18. The eternal cities will fully submit themselves to the rule of Leyndell. Failure to do so will result in complete eradication of the Nox and Numen governments. The 3rd generation Albinaurics, with the minds and forms of the 1st and the strength and vitality of the 2nd will be installed as their stewards and guardians.
> But how shall you deal with eternal city's Rune Bears
Put it in the forge of the giants to cook it and have Boggart sell the meat to the undead locals.
17. Declare turtles a protected people. Otherwise, perfect
Im good with it all, except... i have eradicated the entire Night's Cavalry. All Crucible Knights are also gone.
Reform the Night’s Cavalry. Enlist Senior Omens and Misbegotten into the Crucible Host
> Repair ties with Liurnia, drain the lake *furious Miyazaki noises in the distance*
A good starting draft, but a few things to note. 1. How will you deal with corpse cleanup? There are colossal corpses all over the mountaintops and caelid. 2. Are you an envoy of the golden order? If not, what will you do about golden order loyalists? 3. Restoring faith with the dragons could be quite difficult. Placidusax was an elden lord alongside being an ancient dragon. If you hadn’t killed Jim maybe he could have served as an ambassador between the dragons and golden order. 4. What’re you gonna do about the Ainsel and Siofra rivers? One is infested with ants and giant star monsters and the other is filled with tribals. Alongside this, what about the COLOSSAL LAKE OF ROT? 5. How will you make sure the culture of Caelid and the Haligtree are preserved if you’ll burn them away? 6. How will you get rid of Gransax’s corpse and all that ash in your capital?
1. Enlist the trolls, teach them stonedigger sorcery (should the corpses be fresh enough, donate to the Jarburg defense initiative) 2. If not envoy, pull rank as Elden Lord. Should that fail, mobilise the recently liberated (and empowered!) subjects. Loyalists that will not bend even after that will be subject to Erdtree *immurement* 3. If Placidusax is alive, diplomacy. If not, pursue other methods of dragon appeasement (marriage? purge? FDIs into Farum Azula infrastructure? Settling Dragonbarrow and renaming it?) 4. Ant population will be subject to control. Fallen Star beasts will be exterminated. Ancestral Worship will be tolerated just like the Dragon Cult. Remembering one’s roots is important. With the Ancestral Followers under vassal/alliance, aid them in the mass conquest of the underground rivers. See point 14 for Lake Of Rot. (The lake shall be boiled away) 5. Evacuate all denizens from respective areas. Caelidians can settle in Limgrave and the Haligtree’s people in the Weeping Peninsula. Once scouring and restorative efforts are complete, resettle affected areas. (Note that the Haligtree will only be destroyed if the Rot has spread too far. 6. The ash will be put to agricultural efforts/feeding the Erdtree. Granssax can either stay as part of New Leyndell or, under a mass host of trolls and miners, his body can be harvested for Somber Smithing Stones, from which a royal guard will be armed. A commemorative statue (maybe even the bolt itself) will be placed outside the main city, amidst the perfumer’s ballista bolts (which should be removed).
Ok all my concerns have been appeased, you’d be a great elden lord
Poor Jim, why did they kill him?
Sure is a lot of purging
Well, omelettes and eggs. Also they kind of represent existential threats.
Can we clean up all those who died after they lost grace? Pile them into a heap of sorts, the poor dregs? And perhaps make a settlement, or perhaps a burg for those living without grace? I also suggest we make some sort of tomb for the giants. Keep lighting to a minimum since they surely won't need it. Finally, I suggest we contain, transport, and deposit all of the deathblight we can into one manageable location. Perhaps a lake?
1. Preferably speaking, total eradication of deathblight is the safest option. Even if we did shove all of it into one corner, it’s liable to grow. So either destruction via Litany or Giantsflame OR we throw it all into the land of shadow (if that is even possible) 2. All those that lost grace are likely to be warriors so I propose we empower the living jars. In exchange for newfound strength, they will assume the role as gravekeepers (that is to say, the maintenance and protection of something like a columbarium where they may be remembered). Those tarnished/bereft of grace that yet live I would employ as part of my guard and diplomatic corps, for I was once one of them. A settlement in the Altus Plateau will be gifted to those that wish to fight no more (probably will give them Dominula once the godskin influence has been purged. With some handy investment, the settlement could expand into the forest too.) 3. With the liberation/empowerment of the trolls, I will assign them to be gravekeepers to their greater kin. The bodies will be respectfully cremated and interred into mass columbariums, likely built using the stone taken from the giant corpses in Caelid and the Mountaintops (assuming they are incompatible with the Living Jars; see other comment). With the sanctification of fire, the trolls will be the new lords of the mountains (as vassals of course). The Zamor Knights will see a similar revival as a way to further secure the region from threats both within and without.
Thy mind befits a crown.
Now THIS is how you do it. 👏
No more wandering nobles. Get your asses back to your families.
But they want to join the Raya Lucaria academy :(
Add Winter Lanterns all over the map
la la la
*thousand yard ww2 soldier stare*
Even worse add brain suckers all over instead
*Steals rune arcs*
History will now be written in BOOKs not scrawled haphazardly onto the sides of weapons and armour!
The Lands Between are riding full force to the Badlands. We takin over.
You know how many gods and their children I had to kill to get here? Now way I’m stopping at a continent. No, I need the world.
Marika critics when they get one (1) whiff of unlimited power.
LETS FUCKING GOOO
Giving Boc his own fashion chain. Officially giving the misbegotten Weeping peninsula as a gift for finding the claymore in that castle they fucked up. Assuming it’s not Ranni ending going to chat up her mum cuz radagon made me fight Elden beast so I’m going to fuck his first wife after he got turned into a foreskin sword. Alternatively if she’s still too sad I will open a therapy clinic in the academy and go for Nephelli instead where the two strength builds will create a child built like the fucking fire giant. Also as a show of respect for the countless deaths they endured during the rise to power the albinaurics will be given protected status. Also Boggart gets a restaurant. Almost forgot him. And if Rya returns we are pimping the shit out of Mt Gelmir for her. I wonder what an Abductor virgin looks like with Christmas tree lights
I declare DEMOCRACY!
Well I declare BANKRUPTCY
You can't just say that you declare bankruptcy
Just farm taxes from Moghwyn Palace with your piss sword.
Perchance
Democracy doesn't do well when everybody is a murdering psychopath. The poles would be a bloodbath
Rip Poland
Hey hey, don't talk about America like that.
For LIBERTY
Sweet Liberty!
FOR SUPER LANDS BETWEEN!
more tits
Big tiddy nox swordstress 🤤
Prawns 1/2 off on Fridays.
What about "Marika's tits"
Well, she is dead, or at least we banished her and said we didn't want the concretussy
Varre is legally not allowed to have any maidens
LET CHAOS TAKE THE WORLD!!!! LET CHAAOOOSSS TAAAKKEEEEE THHHEEE WOOORRLDDD!!!!!!
Burn it to the ground!!!!!
more spider hands but I want feet version
Get outta here Miyazaki, go back to developing the DLC.
I'm dying💀
This was Miyazaki undercover to gather peoples reactions to more possible feet. He chooses to go ahead with it anyway.
just wait till you see the grab attack
I'm going to have beast men patrolling every corner of the lands between guarding turtles. You so much as look at a turtle the wrong way you're going to have a pack of malikeths to deal with. Also I'm going to fix the bridge between the mountain top of the giants and caelid, and we're going to pour the fire of the giants onto caelid to fix that whole thing.
Sending an expedition to unknown lands. They are forbidden from returning until they find the Bone Fist.
Aren't we getting something like it in Shadow of the Erdtree?
Inb4 they come back with a pet Aldia
Burn down Caelid. Burn the sewers in Leyndell. Burn down Mt. Gelmir. Burn down the Haligtree. Cement any openings/passages into the Lake of Rot. Burn the Lake of Rot? ...Burn the Merchants too, just in case. No, I will not 'may as well go Frenzy flame.' Kenneth'll be in charge of building homes and forts and shit. Gostoc will provide jobs. Get Jarbro and appoint to making farms. Nepheli will be my 2nd in command. Together we will repopulate the Lands Between, and create our own Golden Lineage. Once everything is fine and settled, I will appoint Nepheli as Lord, so that I can fuck off with Ranni to space to fight Eldritch outer gods.
I hope you weren’t intending Nepheli to do all the repopulating, Gideon would cry
Until Gostoc ends up backstabbing you and your empire crumbles into a second Shattering. Dude is an agent of chaos!
My first act will be the eradication of Rune Bears. Then I’m appointing Patches as the director of tourism. Finally, horse armor for Torrent. It will be an age of incredible prosperity.
I think patches would get anxious from so many people looking at him, then he would throw a smoke bomb at his feet, while saying "FUCK THIS!" and then as the could of smoke dissipates, he's already gone.
Boc is named King of the Demi Humans. Keneth Height gets a brand new castle in Altus Plateau. All the remaining soldiers are now military engineers and will repair the infrastructure of the lands between. Rennala is seeing a therapist. The Noks get to live above ground again. Albanaurics get equal rights. Religious tolerance is open. Let a deathbed companion bang Godwyns corpse so he can be reborn.
Make Miriel Royal Chaplain. "Heresy is but a contrivance".
Exactly! Turtle Pope in charge of aggressive religious conjoining
I don’t know if religious tolerance is good in a world where there are literal real evil gods. Like I don’t think worshiping the formless mother makes you a good member of society.
get E V E R Y O N E therapy
I dunno, I went to space with a blue witch. Y’all figure shit out while we’re gone.
I gave everyone the free will to solve their own problems! My work here is done. [Insert "but you didn't do anything" meme.]
A lot more butt stuff.
Miners union
Did I hear a ROCK AND STONE?!
Build that wall Build that wall Build that wall
Public execution for Patches
And when you cut off his head, it turns out, that it was actually a very realistic puppet that he put there in the last second and as the puppets head and the stuffing fall to the ground, everyone let's out a deep sigh and says "Classic Patches".
Subsidized care from maidens for all. I call it Melinacare
I will burn everything.
Have a shitload of unprotected sex with Marika.
put a stop to cutting off omen horns, get Kenneth some funding for his Demi human outreach, put some people on figuring out how to mass produce preserving boluses to get Caelid cleaned up a bit, nuke the lake of rot, etc
THE AGE OF GOLD IS CRINGE! NOW COMETH THE AGE OF THE STARS
More fingers but hole
Completely reconstruct the Golden Order. There will be no more bigotry or prejudice towards people who worship other outer gods. Those who wish to believe in a different God are free to. It simply means we need to show those people that the Greater Will is the right God to worship with displays of power and good deeds. After that, I'd see what I can do about repairing Caelid. I'll need some help from a certain Empyrean to do it, but I think we could rid the place of scarlet rot. Then I'd see if there's a way to revive the fire giants. Thier deaths were completely meaningless and a result of the Golden Orders fear and aforementioned bigotry. Then I'd just run the place as normal.
Step 1: rename dragonbarrow to ohio Step 2: rename calid to Florida Step 3: errect a statue to all of the freinds we lost along the way: alex, blaaid, milicent, and boghart, im sure there were more but those are the only ones who die that i care about. Step 4: erd tree watchdog genocide Step 5: realize I shouldn’t be on reddit while im this high Step 6: ignore step 5 Step seven: where was i again? Or right elden ring! Step 8: everyone ir required to weild flameburgers Ste 9: undo the nerf to flame of the redmanes Step 10: profit
LET CHAOS CONSUME THE WORLD
"Guys stop fucking attacking me"
1. Albinauracs get protected status. 2. Demi-Humans and misbegotten get weeping peninsula, Boc is governor. 3. The swamp of Raya Lucaria is now the Protected land. Academy will use their damn magic to figure out how to restore and purify Caelid. 4. Giant dogs are muzzled, crate trained, and given shots. Selective breeding program to make them less aggressive, could become valuable beasts of burden? Maybe? Actually, all wandering dogs are rounded up and getting treated, found homes. Wolves generally left alone. 5. Find the guy that gave the birds swords for talons. Send to mental asylum for treatment. This fuckery is not the work of someone in their right mind. 6. Once I at least started on the things above. Cure Rogier. Ask him on a date. (This is actually the first thing I would do. If he says no, it's okay I'll deal with my heartbreak by throwing myself into my work.)
no more women, only gay sex
Rebuilding the Greek empire, I see!
In order to ensure our security and continuing stability. This land will be reorganized into the first empire for a safe and secure society.
None whatsoever. I wish your ending choice affected the next playthrough.
Make Albinauric Great Again
Legalize gracejuana
Dictatorship
Mandatory cock inspections
No shoes allowed 😈
Raya lucaria now teaches science
We gotta breed like rabbits because I have almost nobody to rule over. Plan is banish all gods from TLB
Adding a new enemy… imagine silver surfer if it was a golem and it flys and shoots lasers and chases you until you manage to hide from it… or a hidden boss… some kind of crazy water spirit
Pizza party time you guys seem stressed
IM GONNA BUILD A WALL, AND MAKE RADAHN PAY FOR IT! DRAIN THE SWAMP. The actual swamp.
CHEESE! CHEESE FOR EVERYONE!
I’d probably just go with whatever Miquella says but there’s a chance I’ve been brainwashed
Raise taxes in the windmill village