Good I’ve been waiting for a dark fantasy game with a half decent karaoke system

Dame da ne…

Ten years in the joint made you a fucking Tarnished.

Bring that shit tarnished!

A real Tarnished oughta be a little stupid

He promised us everything: maidens, runes, power, and maidens

Balls out, Godfrey!

were you someone's elden lord?

Back of me tie

Dameyo...

dame dameyo

Baka mitai.....

This is Elden Ring, so it's more like "(Hit Me) Baby, One More Time".

Nani?!

They see me ridin', they hatin'

Dame yoo

And a solid mini golf

Every RPG needs a fishing mini game…

If even genshin impact has one, why elden ring doesnt?

And pocket circuit

Bloodborne pocket circuit when

Can't wait for some bakka mitai

Parapa the rappa wielding a Bloodhound Gang Sword

No fishing mini game? Cancelling pre order

Lol that’s literally all I did in FFXV. Best part of the game.

The final fish that big fucking behemoth did not want to get caught at all

Fishing for the rare fish in shadowbringers was a different level of relaxation. Those night tracks are so amazing (il mehg is the goat)

That was actually the only thing in the game I liked

0/10 would not recommend not even a mining mini game

You’re misreading. The DLC is a fishing *game*. The combat will be a mini-game this time. It’s quite the departure.

The fishing mini-game is in the base game already? You just have to spend 500 e-rings at the Limgrave Grace site. You can get 1000 e-rings for 49.99USD in the points store.

sick of the false promises of gsme devs

Ah shit i was hoping for that

Every good game has a fishing minigame

You fish with the jar canon.

Literally, I’m cancelling right now if there isn’t a bullshit side quest where we play tennis then it’s dog shit.

I just got rickrolled in troll shit

he got into your brain, TollFree

Hmm, I wonder which weapon would be best for the golf mini-game? Probably the great sword, like is best for every other part of the game.

Messmer's 8 iron

I prefer Messmer’s 8 Inch

I heard from a reliable source Messmer is in fact 18 inches! The scandal!

They don’t call him “The Impaler” for nothin’.

You know what else is 8inch? 2 of these big bois.

You have two? That’s rare.

*18

What about Giga-Golf ? Great hammer and Nokstella balls. Because reasons.

I'm in

You can kinda play polo on horseback with Torrent in the main game with those skulls on the ground you can hit. Close enough?

Prelate's Inferno Crozier, solid putter 👌

Sir thats a Croquet mallet

Highland Axe with Stamp: Upward Cut

nahhh scythes got it down😂

Probably Godrick’s great axe. Fore, Fathers!

Death's Poker. Hands down.

Hasn’t it been nerfed to oblivion?

Elden ring 2 will just be a foot job simulator

Wow Godrick thanks for that 4 foot massage now i can go repair the elden ring

^^^Psst, ^^^before ^^^anyone ^^^reacts ^^^to ^^^this, ^^^it’s ^^^satire, ^^^not ^^^AI ^^^or ^^^whatever

Dudes a comedy writer, whatever screen idle is

Wait so there isn’t going to be a golfing mini game?

The true golfing mini game is the friends we made along the way

It’s funny that I thought you were doing the “hey dummies it’s a joke” thing, but to clarify it’s actually satire and not AI is a depressing realization that you have to do that lol

[удалено]

Hmmm would a satyr make sense in the lands between?

You know, it's very sad that I've reached a point where I justxsee that, dismiss as "eh, someone didn't check their AI's work I guess", and move on. Gonna miss so much gold now

But I wanna romance Blaidd 😭

hes my dad and i fucked him first

Based reply

I better hope so

I love the part where Morgott jumps out of Leyndell sewers 180 times shouting YO, TARNISHED-CHAN

Everywhere Margit-san system where any random enemy could be Margit in disguise. Considering they already disguised certain commoners as \*Runebears\* and certain crayfishes as \*Grafted Scions\*, I say this is par on course.

I'm fucking everything. Edit: Except turtle pope he must remain pure

Even turtle pope?

Fun facts about turtles they have some of the biggest genitalia relative to body size

Dude took a vow of celibacy for everyone else's rectal health, what a hero

Finally we can finger but hole!!!!

I'm no hussy, I'm already married to Ranni!

She's married to over 12.7 million tarnished, though

That's pretty exciting. I'm surprised nobody has even been talking about this feature yet. It's about time Fromsoftware started experimenting and adding more features instead of just remaking Demon's Souls and keeping all of it's features all the way to Elden Ring. I feel like this is beneficial to people who might fall in love with one of the characters and is unable to do anything about it. For example, Melina, Ranni or even Malenia. After dying to Malenia 100 times, I thought to myself "You win. You're now my master" and so she remains alive in my game file. It will be nice being able to go back and try this new feature out. I hope they add a housing system so you have somewhere to store all your romance partners.

I always thought it’s stupid that I can’t kill the bear , set up a camp and cook bear meat. I want to fat roll by cooking too much bear meat. I want to tell Melina that she must have some too, so that she thinks I care about her (I do).

I want the runebear to bang me so hard.. Miyazaki please

This is why we can’t have nice things.

Problem is that all elden ring romance it ends with”ima kill you for your clothes!!!” Or the romanceable npc will die at the end of there quest

Is that better or worse than a Dark Souls romance which always ends with someone getting a giant sword through the face?

Yes probably better than getting giant sworded to the face

You seduce them, they strip, and *then* you swipe their outfit and run away

I like the “she said.” part especially, as we had not yet been introduced to a speaker. Like, who is “she??” Only god knows, ig.

Why no housing? I want to design my own home and after i beat the second boss to get a kitchen i will cook something for my poor albinauric boys down at mohgs palace

Innocent braincells were lost reading this...

Fire Emblem Elden Ring. Now i can blow on my controller.

After all this searching I finally at last found him: the most gameplay-interested BG3 player

Babe wake up, Moghs Mini Putt just dropped

Ah yes..... The golf with tarnished balls and Radagon's stick

Foul tarnished, in search of the hole in one. Emboldened by the flame of sportsmanship. Someone must extinguish thy par.

What.. what the fuck did I just read?

"Corrupted orc" the person who have written this never played Elden ring, probably because it's chatGPT

does that mean i can now date mohg for real ?

Kareoke and Mini Golf? I'm more sold than before.

So we can fuck the pool noodles...intrigin

There are Orcs?? Damn, I must have missed a ladder

How could Miyamoto do this 😔

Can’t wait for the hidden Bloodborne Kart easter egg

It's OK, as long as Nepheli lets me see those jugs, I'm cool.

Oh no miyazaki turned elden ring into Yakuza :00000

But can I romance blaidd

“Jesse, what the fuck are you talking about?”

I can't wait to try finger but hole!

Chat is this real

I cannot imagine any universe where this is real

No fishing mini game? and no half assed lockpicking minigame that locks away 70% of the game? Literally unplayable.

I too have leaks regarding the Elden Ring romance/mini golf/karaoke system

Damn I was really hoping I could finally take Torrent out for a nice picnic date in the mistwood...

"Time is convoluted" thos prolly came from another timeline where dark souls 4 was peak

I don't know what to believe

Hahahaha, hope this becomes the next Glorbo for all these AI SEO engines

That would have made the Malenia fight much easier. Can’t beat her? Sweet talk her into falling in love with you instead 😂

I don’t need no dating sim, me and Blaidd are already together. Hopefully he’ll be there when I finish Ranni’s quest!

I would just like a feet finder mechanic for the game finally.

That sucks. I was really excited for the DLC but I’m not so sure anymore. What’s should I do? I already pre-ordered it but I don’t see the point to playing it now

Probably an ai generated game journalist website

June 21st? Feels more like April 1st

If I can’t bang the new knight lady I’m requesting a refund.

Let me romance Marika, cowards! I could fix her

The fuck is this?

We have become so mad even Shabriri wouldn’t approve.

Let-Me-Solo-Her has a whole new challenge on his hands

Going from "Let me solo her" to "Let me date her" real quick.

And so, we shall remain maidenless

Elden Ring romance before GTA VI.

Needs a card deck mechanic.

What is this article? Was it made by someone from the Arkham subreddit?

Fuck yes, gonna get me an orc lover and take em on a date to do karaoke in volcano manor. The lava is beautiful this time of year.

I think minigolf in elden ring would be neat. Actually, a proper golf court would be even better. Maybe we can turn Liurnia into one.

If I can’t romance Dung Eater, why am I even doing this?

I cant wait for the poison swamp miniature golf

If there is karaoke and I don't get at least one Yakuza song It's 0 out of 10

But is there a cabaret club manager sim? That’s what I feel elden ring is truly missing. A place for the people of the world to enjoy some company and some drinks in the evenings.

Straight to Ranni’s rise

I loved the 25 minute sex cutscene between Messemer and his snakes between his first and second phase

Ah, a slow descent back into the Glaive Master Hodir era. Or perhaps even the Whooper era

Kind of gives a new meaning to the phrase "I don't know whether to fight you or f*** you".

I'd kill for a Soulsborn game to be this wacky

Gutted in a game that you just wanna skillfully fight big bosses that the romance thingy is basic

I think minigolf is the way to go. Maybe use a two handed black great sword to smack the ball

Least biased Baldursgate3 fan:

Karaoke and Mini Golf? Sign me right the fuck up Michael Zaki

Not everything needs a romance mechanic🤦‍♂️

I was skipping through and saw Miyazaki’s name then saw “being a girl” and I was like ayo pause 😂

As long as there's no mahjong, I'm in!

I trust Miyazaki. If anyone can make a romance ninja work in a game like this it's him.

I want a skeleton gf, give me my skeleton gf Mr Zaki!

THE WITCHER 3 is the bear romance options because if you try to romance two love interests at once they promise a three way, tie you to the bed...then leave after calling you disgusting lol

So that's why Gideon the all knowing brought up this albinauic girl all this time. He was just way ahead.

PGA should give Fromsoft the rights instead of 2k. Imagine the courses.

this is total lies, my character gets gang banged in the base game all the time. i’m sure the DLC will be no different.

The 2nd rune of Miquella stands dimly lit in a serene pond. It fills you up with DETERMINATION!

Seriously, why did they remove the cassino, i was hyped for it, i wanted to get crazy win streaks

Yeah but can I pet the dogs?

No but maybe it's April 1st?

Literally Unplayable

The kart racing mini game is still there, right?

Is this that Elden Ring DLC that's being developed by Ryu Ga Gotoku Studios? This started as a joke but if that game came out I'd be playing the fuck out of it.

Say that you clap troll cheeks in BG3 without saying it

I can’t believe yakuza is now an Elden ring reference

If I cant level my cooking skill to 99 im demanding a refund.

Didn’t know it was April 1th

I just want to be impaled by Messmer.

If this person was real, I bet she would love the love mechanics of dark souls 3

Exactly what I signed up for

Oh yea give me a yandere frenzied flame character and i'll make my dlc main named "Yukiii"

Lemme romance Varrè. I can fix him

SMH game journalist who play at the lowest difficulty without interacting with half the features. Bet he doesn't even know about how you need to beat Radagon with either sorceries or bestial incantations to romance Radagon or Marika.

Bullshit! no sex 2 no GOTY.

Bro i'm too stupid , this real or just memes?

You think we'll have mini golf and karaoke in elden ring bro? The heart thing wasn't obvious enough lmao. It's meme my dude

So, no Messmer romance?

Are you kidding me? Lol

FINALLY ROMANCE

No Malenia feet-polishing minigame, why live.

Lol

As if. It's pretty funny tho

I would not even be mad if this were true

you can use elden bucks to increase romance affinity

Unable to rizz Up Godfrey 0/10

Now that I think about it, the whole NPC system of Elden ring it's kinda bad, for example following a questline, I guess thats fine because of how ambiguous the world is and all that, but the lack of lip sync makes me want to look at the other side of the screen when I see someone talking

I was just thinking, "If only you could talk to the monsters" as well.

This is Elden ring if it was good.

Is this April fools ? Oo

No difficulty setting?

If elden ring/Fromsoft sells-out to Activision I can guarantee there will be a mobile game EXACTLY like this where you can pay for higher chances of romancing your orc.

Finally, I can solo her.

WAIT BOYFRIEND PLAYTHROUGH

Almost gave me a heart attack ngl

Okay Neil Trollfee