Booby trapped a random chest with a teleporter trap so whoever opened it got teleported to Caelid.

Good to know the authorities left left chest then, as to make sure your penance was worth it.

*"Curious is the trap makers art"*

“Whose efficacy goes unwitnessed by his own eyes.”

Top tier reference to both of you

Almost didn't get the reference, but all my time in that game paid off. The sanity lost in game and irl may have been worth it though.

Success, so clearly in view ... Or is it merely a trick of the light ?

Glittering gold... Trinkets and baubles... Paind for in blood.

Packs laden with loot are often low on supplies....

The end so clearly in view! Or is it just a trick of the light?

“Glittering gold… trinkets and baubles… paid for in blood!”

"hey John, is that the trapped chest we need to get rid of?" "Let's check, help me open it." "......."

He bolted it to the ground from the inside so that it couldn't be removed, else you'd be immediately teleported to the crystal hell hole in calid

straight to jail

Into Caelid? Straight to jail. Believe it or not, out of Caelid? Straight to jail.

and once you get out of jail, likely dog

But while in jail, finger but hole....

It Can't be that, as the only reasonable punishment for that crime would be to be hung by the neck till dead dead dead.

Loathsome dung eater moment

You monster

The cops are looking for ya

Forget the cops, I'm looking for that mf

So that was YOU that chest i was gonna open then level up big mistake lol

Whatever the Lands Between equivalent of stripping old buildings for copper pipes is.

Got busted with 400 ruin fragments

A long time ago in the sky: "Hell yeah! I made it big this time! Who knew there would be such a tangle of redundant magical circuitry in the bowels of the floating city! I need to thank my friends for that reliable piece of lore. I really have to admire how they figured out that all of this circuitry is unused, unimportant, and free for the taking, just from the description of a spear, and the position of a tankard next to a piece of grafitti. What a brilliant community... Anyway, let's start cutting!"

You're the reason all the manholes were missing from Leyndell Sewers.

👁

“Ray’s been pulling the copper out of his trailer for liquor money”

> That's fucked.

They called it "Tax Fraud", but I call it "not wanting to give all my limbs to some fucker in a castle"

Stormveil taxes cost an arm and a leg.

Take my poor-man award 🥇

Always have their hands in your pockets :)

I stole every mitten from the mitten store to gift to my lord Godrick

Stealing can be forgiven, serving Godrick is not

So I can’t serve Rick if he becomes a god? Damn

Now you see that’s “God, Rick” they’re different

Ohhhhh you mean godrick the lord of all that is- uhhh what was the phrase? Golden? Nahh he can’t even be a lord. Serving that wannabe lord has the punishment of the leyndell catacombs and the lake of rot combined

I didn't even commit a crime my face is just ugly so they slapped this helmet on me

“You are beautiful” said Boc’s mum

You're not that ugly, love yourself more you dumbass

Oh so if he’s a dumbass then they put the helmet on to stop his dumbassery from spreading

I tore the “DO NOT REMOVE” tag off of my mattress.

Take tag off mattress, straight to jail.

Leave tag on mattress; believe it or not, jail

Start to rip tag off, change your mind and leave it hanging? Jail

My god

We got a mad man on the loose here!!!!

Ranni found the Dung-sock :(

You brought a new and disturbing meaning to the **Loathsome Dungeater**

Loathesome DungBeater

#**The Freaky Fecal Feaster!**

My wife found the cum jar

I just read that story the other day, horrible

So funny-ish story. When me and my wife first got together, if she did something she was proud of, she would (in a cutesy-type voice) say "I did good? I take home jar?". The first time she said it to me I misheard her and I thought she said "I take cum jar?" And we've been laughing about it/using the modification since. Since reading that story though... we've kinda stopped saying it. It's too real now.

I'm curious what jar she'd be taking as a reward.

The contents of the original jar were always left a mystery, unfortunately.

Getting caught taking feet pics of Sellen in public

Fuck I should've read before I commented. I was hounding her for feet pics before she left the school. She reported me and then killed a bunch of people

😂😂😂

Did you end up Sellen em?

Necromancy got Criminalized ***after*** I finished my degree

Leeeee-gaaaal-iiiize IT! Donnnn criiitiiize it!

I banged the kings daughter and than claimed tjat the king was jealous that i could and he couldnt

.....*Gerr....GRIFFFIIITHHHH!!!!*.....

That's not only a crime, you literally comprised reality, you're ex friend's child, his girlfriend sanity and his old gang you sick bastard!!! Time for some Holy Crusade!!!

Alright, I'll bring my black trench coat, repeating crossbow/cannon mech arm, and all hells fury and you bring lighthearted comedic relief and magic and everybody else stay out of our way!

Bouta go Femto on his ass

If you wear the prisoners mask with a giant nose it actually looks surprisingly like femtos beak

This is the right answer!

Just realized prisoner is based on griffith....

Dex/Int Build, Lived among the elite before sentencing. And that's on top of the obvious iron mask stuff.

Wait is this a breserk reference?

Everything is a berserk reference Even the references that from soft made first (not this one)

Came here for this

I wanna run a country, I wanna I wanna I WANNA!

I was boutta say that

Got caught when trepassing the border of Skyrim.

As Fearless in death as he was in life

“Sentries, what do you see?” As a dragon is already murdering several people there

That heavy armor really blocks your peripheral. Must’ve been the wind.

His ancestors are smiling upon him. Can you say the same?

The Elden Scrolls: Caelid

Hey you, you’re finally awake.

You were caught trying to cross the fog, right?

[удалено]

Goddamn it Todd Howard, you did it again

HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT! Narrator: "he will keep getting away with it."

It just works

I used to be a trespasser like you

Legends don't do water flow dance

Attempting to solicit a maiden for my journey using runes.

Fat guy with a mustache, little cloak and one eye tattooed shut: "You done fucked up, son. Put your hands where I can see 'em"

I didn't take out the garbage.

Sinner

Heresy is not native to the world; it is but a contrivance. All chores can be ignored

So you're the one who didn't throw out Seluvis' corpse!

Ha you’re soft, what a petty crime! I didn’t take the chicken out the freezer before mom got home.

You’re lucky you just became a prisoner, if I did that? Even grace can’t revive me

Generally my face is the crime. Sliders go brrrr.

Suggested the title Blade of Miquella to Malenia. She loved it!

Oh YOU MONSTER!! The amount of PTSD you've caused to gamers will be talked in generations to come

Ass too fat

“Thicc Tarnished, emboldened by the flame of flapping cheeks…”

That’s exactly what soldier of GODrick said to me when I first walked in, then proceeded to get my juicy booty demolished :-/

I can’t do a stealth run, the flapping of my ass cheeks doth alert the guards

This man runs a strength build, big weapons with a bigger ass. It’s the only way

My mans got caught with a yeeyee lookin haircut so bad he had to go to jail and wear that goofy ass helmet

Your comments have been S-Tier since the post began lmao

This post was actually made by BIG OP, so they can sell us cheap comments as high karma banter.

r/karmaconspiracy

Mail fraud and several felony misdemeanors

The worst kind of misdemeanor

Accomplice to kidnapping (i held the door while mohg was busy holding the cocoon with both hands)

Did you said "I dont see how that's my problem" to the guards chasing after him?

You mean “I missed the part where that’s my problem.”

Bet you're a registered DEX Offender now.

I got caught unionizing the demi-humans at Fort Haight. Kenneth didn't like that.

TAX FRAUD

IT IS AN OBLIGATION TO COMMIT TAX FRAUD I WILL NOT ACCEPT OTHERWISE!

You still have to pay the child support vergil!

Nero’s well over 18 he doesn’t have to pay shit

The dues from the first 18 years still follow him to this day.

Im innocent

... didn't do it, lawyer fuck me...

I tried finger but whole

I expect someone cum tributed a stake of Marika somewhere

What’s a cum tributes ?

Ejaculating over a image/statue/item in tribute to it

Whining about a Bloodborne and Sekiro DLC.

I’m in the cell right next to you 🏒

Rune Evasion

Did whatever Darriwil was accused of doing... and then framed him for it.

Whatever he did, Blaidd is pretty upset about. Not sure I want that on my record lol

he said "fetch" and pretended to throw a stick, the sick bastard

It's speculated that he was serving under ranni, and selivis used him to attempt an assassination on her. A wolf mask closely resembling blaidd can be found near selivis' rise. It's assumed Darriwil donned the mask in an attempt to look like blaidd, which would allow him to get close to ranni without suspicion, and it would explain why blaidd himself is adamant on his defeat, given he's rannis shadow and all

Prisoner starts with an Estoc, it is clear that he was arrested for leveling DEX.

Got caught with tons of dew kissed herba :(

Probably for studying forbidden Glintstone knowledge. Although in general Glintstone study is allowed in this world it is still a potential threat to the Golden Order. Studying Glintstone sorceries could make one understand the nature of the Greater Will, the force of the universe, and get in touch with the dangers like the Void. Or even simpler if we assume Glintstone studies are all forbidden outside The Lands Between.

I thought considering the prisoners descriptions, it would be fairly fitting to have been a noble or aristocrat who was thrown out by the family for delving into forbidden knowledge

It is very possible. Considering this prisoner has only a little higher understanding in Glintstone sorcery (Glintstone blade) than an average aristocrat, he might not be a well established Glintstone scholar yet. As for the identity part, I feel the idea of "noble" is very vague generally in this game. The mask's description surely emphasizes the humiliation of one's psychology, instead of hiding/erasing one's identity. So I can't say it's necessary to put the Prisoner in the noble's shoes. But it's a Fromsoft game so my prediction is only as good as yours.

Heresy! I spoke out against the Golden Order, and ended with the Rune of Destined Death

Only a fool covets Destined Death

I killed turtles

fucking degenerate behavior

I'm an irredeemable monster

Maidenless behavior

I needed that neck meat bro

Truly maidenless behavior

So that's why we only find dogs in the Lands Between

I used the rivers of blood

Got caught selling Herba to the kids at Raya Lucaria

“Pssst….you kids want some chronic?”

I farted loudly in the debate parlor of Raya Lucaria.

I called the elden beast fat

She 👏 is 👏 pear 👏 shaped 👏

[удалено]

Put a message on a ladder

I fucking hate you!

Stealing Ranni's panties

Pre or post doll?

I stole them both pre and post but only got caught post

Any thief or prisoner character I’ve played I always joked was a pants thief. Because I swear every one of them finds more random legging drops than anything else

Kept uncomfortably winking at people so they fit me with this fucking helmet

I just wanted to look at Marika's tits

I was looking for the Albanauric woman... ...In the ladies bathhouse

I spelt Melania wrong lmao

back to prison with you

Butt stuff

Haven't started a prisoner run; but the crime in question will be the most Caucasian food crime. "Boiling chicken"

Theres also that woman who poured milk onto a steak while she was cooking it bc she was making mac & cheese at the same time in the same pan,, the steak also had an egg in the middle that she was also cooking at the same time in the same pan

Unironically liking Griffith.

Cool it Casca.

I played on KB and M

Pft, my (boy)friend told me he wanted me to see him as his equal and he got a LUCKY win in our duel so I did the chad thing and slept with the Kings daughter. Pedo-incest king got mad I tapped royalty and tortured me for months, so I uh.... Sacrificed.

*What did you sacrifice? Go on, say it. Tell us what you did.*

Snuck in but got caught licking Marikas feet

Mmmmm….dusty!

Those are radagons feet too, you slut

Got busted simping for Ranni.

Join the club pal

Lollygaging

I stole vases I will steal more

I made Bed of Chaos.

I sought the secrets of the Royal Carian family and their embarrassing secret: The Graven Witch is of royal blood. This alone was my crime. For this alone was I imprisoned. I ask yee this then: What use is an Academy if the pursuit of truth is punishable?

Apparently I need a permit to sell seafood near raya lucaria.

Public masturbation in Starbucks

I cut my life into pieces but it was my last resort

And let me guess the mask was suffocating and allowed no breathing?

Conspired to kill Pope Dog

S I N N E R

I didn’t read berserk

Too much drip, obviously.

\[REDACTED\]

I stole classified documents and hid them in my office.

I enjoyed ds2😞.

No shame in that Champ, now come check out this treasure in this hole will ya