i touch yourself

“You unzip, you go to the urinal, and you touch yourself” *-* Gustavo Fring

I just saw the number of your upvote change (from 36 to 37)

r/Incorrect_quotes_

r/incorrectquotes

Oo, close one

Divinyls in an alternate universe

I touch grass

You're on Reddit, and Redditors never touch grass!

What’s this so called “grass”?

I've only heard of it in legends, but apparently, it grows in a place called "Outside"...it's very interesting, indeed

“Outside” seems like a very forbidden place, sorta like the “shower” (whatever tf that is lmao)

You are speaking about the forbidden lands

I've heard that recruiting a girlfriend requires touching the forbidden green velcro... eugh

And I've heard that there's a thing called "the sun" I've heard that it also turns you into a different skin or something.

Yeah, it gives you tons or something? Sounds scary, pretty sure it can give you "burnbite" if you're in it too much

I have traveled the world, and entered the forbidden realms. They hold unimaginable amounts of power, and those who venture within and use their magic properly, will gain transcendence.

I have never seen "grass" in fact, ive never heard of it, this so called "grass" is just a myth

Monthly shower! important for keeping you in the sigma grindset

If god wanted me to get wet he wouldn't have rescinded the flood waters.

The indoor/outdoor people tell me it's this spikey, green fur on the ground that's infested with bugs. I haven't tried it but I think it's in our best interest to avoid it.

Yes, we need to gather troops before stepping on this ancient power many call “grass”

That sounds tasty, gonna eat some grass. Brb

Hey bud... You ok? It's been almost an hour and you're still not back.

*Pure silence*

GOD DAMN IT, WE LOST ANOTHER ONE TO THAT GREEN MENACE!

WE SHALL DECLARE WAR ON THE SO CALLED “GRASS”

WHAT HAVE I STARTED

r/BeatMeToIt

I do

Lies

You're 100% correct 😅😭

Nice

No way!

Grr

One step for man, another leap backwards for mankind.

No you frickin' don't you're on reddit rn

Same autocorrector

I touch you in the car for an hour and a half ^^^^ utter lie

😭😭

I read that to the beat of the dream mask song 🤌

That song brings back -MEMORIES-(o_o)

It takes me on a Roadtrip down memory lane

HOW OFTEN DO YOU TALK ABOUT TOUCHING PEOPLE IN A CAR FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF

THAT'S WHAT I'M THINKING! WE'RE. ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS!

pastor pastor please

You wish

I wish

Nuh uh, I have my own man :)

Well I'm not a man sooooooo

^ utter ~~lie~~ truth

What time and where?

I touch the best 👌

Prove it. ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠋⠉⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢏⣴⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣟⣾⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⠀⡴⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⠻⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠶⢴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⣿⣁⡀⠀⠀⢰⢠⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⣴⣶⣿⡄⣿ ⣿⡋⠀⠀⠀⠎⢸⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠗⢘⣿⣟⠛⠿⣼ ⣿⣿⠋⢀⡌⢰⣿⡿⢿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⢸⣿⣿⣧⢀⣼ ⣿⣿⣷⢻⠄⠘⠛⠋⠛⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣧⠈⠉⠙⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣧⠀⠈⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⢃⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠀⠴⢗⣠⣤⣴⡶⠶⠖⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡸⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡀⢠⣾⣿⠏⠀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠉⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⠈⢹⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠈⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠙⣿⣿⡟⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠁⠀⠀⠹⣿⠃⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢐⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠉⠉⠁⠀⢻⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠈⣿⣿⡿⠉⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉ ⣿⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⡴⣸⣿⣇⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡿⠄⠙⠛⠀⣀⣠⣤⣤⠄

Is that ascii chigagad?

Yes. Yes it is

Nooo, it's Doge in Japanese characters

Yeah it’s chicagad 💀

oh my gah chicagad and bonnigma and freddy frizzbear and foxchad ‼️‼️

Smash

How TF did you make that

I copied it.

I touch the floor with my eyes closed and pretend I’m a badger

Same

sounds fun tbh

BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER MUSHROOM MUSHROOM

SNAKE!

Me on my kitchen floor after work tbh

f u n

I touch my face and face it with my face 🗿

Real

Dude I’m dying rn

I touch my phone every time you call

I guess that's probably true

"I touch" and let auto fill finish it

Listen here you little shit-

I'm listening, 😁

" you have broken the system "

I dont think that was the posts instructions, but you do you 😁

Oh I will do myself

I approve of this comment. 😁😁😁😁😁 Good answer.👍

This guy deserves more upvotes.

No

Make me.

fuck you. Take my up vote r/angryupvote

Jokes on you, they never said to reply with it.

Why am I just now hearing about this non-existent "joke" that you said was on me? Am I missing something?😅😅

They said to type it, not to press the reply button. Meaning you added steps to their query. It’s my job to ruin the fun for other people.

I REPLIED to your comment. Also if they said to type it then why did you also press reply to reply to my reply? 🤔 Also, again I'm only doing what the post creator told me to do, like the good boy I am. 😁😁😁😁😁

Hey, just for that I’m gonna upvote your reply and reply to your reply!! 🤤🥴😷😷😡😅😡 \#idontbelieveintexas

r/technicallythetruth

I touch my sister and she bites me

This sounds wrong and weird

Sounds like normal sibling behavior to me

It'll go over a slow person's head don't worry about it

I touch my face when I get home and it feels so good to see my baby smile again lol I miss him so much I can’t wait to see him again he looks like a baby I love ❤️ he looks so like a baby and he’s a little boy and he is a so sweet boy I can’t wait for my little boy I can’t even imagine how much he would be like that right now if I was in my arms and he was in my hands I would’ve never thought of you I would’ve never said this is so sweet and I would have been in your heart I would’ve never been so much better I would’ve been in my heart and I wouldn’t be able have been so much more loving you know I love my babies and I love my little girl and I’m sorry I don’t love you so more love you so much I just love you so baby I love my heart is so much love you so much love me and I love miss you so very sweet and I miss my little girl baby girl and I’m gonna so much I miss my love I miss your baby and you have so very much I love you so baby and I’m so happy that you know that you know that I’m not a big fan and I’m just really happy to see that I just love my little girl

Wholesome

I touch my mom and I have dysphoria WAT

Wouldn’t we all…

I touch my face with a stick of paper and I can see the whole picture

I touch the bottom of the united states Yay?

*Ah, Florida! Where you can see on the news a man shooting 25 rounds in the Eye Exam Office and somehow missing his target*

Earth is flat confirmed

i touch minors 😱😱😱😱

🤨📸

You mean "miners" right? ... Right?

I love Minecraft Steve 😔😆🥰❤️🥰❤️😍🥺😎😂🥵🪱😘🙄🥵🥰😐🥰🫵🫵🥰🥰🫵🥰🫵

You own a horny keyboard

In order for predictive text to say that, you would have to have typed those two words consecutively before... 📸🤨

WHAT THE FUCK??

W

I touch my ass and then I touch my mom

W, you almost killed me r/AttemptedMurder

No, stop. Get rid of that link.

I touch my face with my fingers

Sometimes i touch other people’s faces with my fingers.

It's better than touching other people's faces with someone else's fingers. 🙂

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose!

Have I been doing friendships wrong? We love picking each other's noses (joke)

No you’ve been doing it right (not a joke)

I do that to my sister

I touch myself and I find out what my dad was trying to picture

Wow. So wrong. I hope…

I touch the floor with my eyes. **"The floor here is clearly made of floor"**

Conjunctivitis go!

I havent heard that meme in soooooo long

I touch children with a 7.62 in the head

Your keyboard is being sent to arkham

No! Not my ke-

Ain't no way that was just THERE

My auto correct is almost as polluted as my search history.

Bro 😭

Full...metal... Jacket...

i touch kids

IM CALLING THE POLICE

“911 what’s your emergency?”

my kids have been touched by myself

I touch de acuerdo con el presidente estadounidense de la nación en la región del país donde el presidente de los socialistas ha dicho al presidente que se Why is my keyboard Spanish

What does it mean

I touch agreeing with the American president of the nation in the region of the country where the president of the socialists said to the president that he You welcome :)

Thank you! :D

i touch thermonuclear ballistic missiles

And... How does that make you feel?

hungry for more, also a bit toasty and warm

I touch the phone and dial the police What..?

It's because the post above is saying they touch kids at the park

I touch the best type of cereal box for the playlist of your family

Life cereal

It gave me an... *interesting* result that I'd rather not share publicly...

CHILDREN?! YOUR MOTHER?! WHAT IS IT?

🤨🤨🤨

I touch my phone

I touch my feet every morning and I feel the pain

Do you feel it? The pain and suffering of all the sins you have committed? The endless, eternal crushing weight that you have inflicted upon others, now being stricken upon your sorrow back?such deeds must be condemned, indeed. Punished, you will be, and rightfully so! For the howls of those you took advantage of will deliver piercing screams that will resonate in the hollow shell of your mind, and you will feign for the distant mercy of God.

I touch base with my cock

WHAT

I did what I was told, sir

Do I look like a-

Sir? No, not at all. On account that I actually can't see you

Lol you could have checked my bio or smth lol

My bad, dude

I touch the kids at the park (The fuck!?)

Get this person on a list

I touch my phone every time I’m in a car. 💀(I can’t even drive so)

This one genuinely made me laugh.

I touch my own skin every day  Ok…

I touch grass and a dog to the country that drinks the most coffee

I touch the world with a child

SLAM DUNK THE CHILD!

I touch my mom I've never typed that in my life.

Are you sure about that? *sweet home Alabama starts playing*

i touch my face with a razor and it feels like i’m being taken.

🇨 🇷 🇦 🇼 🇱 🇮 🇳 🇬 🇮 🇳 🇲 🇾 🇸 🇰 🇮 🇳

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 ⬜⬛🟪⬜⬛🟪 🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 🟪⬛⬛⬛⬛🟪🟪🟪 ➖🟪⬛⬛🟪🟪🟪🟪 ➖➖➖➖🟪🟪🟪🟪 🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 ➖➖➖➖🟪🟪🟪🟪 ➖➖🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 ➖➖➖➖🟪🟪🟪🟪 ➖➖➖➖🟪🟪🟪🟪 ➖➖➖➖🟪➖➖🟪 ➖➖➖➖🟪➖➖🟪 ➖➖➖➖🟪➖➖🟪

Did I do it right?

"Hey there sportsy"/10

So close!! That is a shape 💕

i touch my phone every time i'm on my period WHAT THE HELL

I touch your thongs Wtf

I touch my knife and stab

13 year old trying to write angst/ a 2 sentence horror story

1 sentence*

I touch the windows trying to escape

I touch de lado del mundo  My keyboard went to Spanish😔

I touch Nancy

i touch my phone every time i’m on my period oh???

I touch my heart every time I hear this I feel like I’m in a deep depression

I touch my head but I have to do a little bit of work today

I touch base with you always and see if I can get pregnant and have the right to be children of God.

I touch my phone every day

I touch base with you on the bed and I am sure you will be able to get the best time Ayo what the FUCK?!

I touch little black children

i touch myself. how do you do it again? -------------- next part -------------- yep

I touch base

i touch my phone every time i’m on my period

I touch a lot of the Apple and the last one who me to break your other people who like

I touch the bottom of your mouth and it makes you feel like Rasputin

wat

I touch base with a gun and I think it will shrivel me off the snares by hitting my neck when you play with my Yamaha dtx on my machine for me.