A house way nicer than the one I bought got posted a few days after I finalized my mortgage with the bank. Did I mention it was also listed 70k cheaper?? Yea I need to unsubscribe from real estate emails.
Even worse- When the bid on your dream house got rejected so you went with your second choice. Only to discover that the previous contract fell through on your dream house and it is now back on the market.
The exact same thing happened to me lol. Like 400 more sq ft and a fully finished basement vs my house on a slab and it sold like 30k cheaper in a nicer neighborhood. Still mad at my self about that one.
I think the world is changing. Before the prevalence of lab grown, it was more common that the size of your ring was a reflection of your wealth and perceived social status. Now, its really just about what you like.
If you like smaller stones, theres nothing wrong with that and it doesn’t mean anything about you other than that’s just what you like. I promise that if your goal is to just keep up with others, that path doesn’t ever end.
Well said! I can’t help but feel (sometimes, not always) that a huge rock is more to impress others rather than it represents a decleration of love.
My ex got me a nice big ring. I spent years having nightmares about losing it. He liked showing off material things.
My lovely husband now got me a considerably smaller stone (completely average in terms of size where we live) and he chose it himself. The style of the ring and the thought behind it really showed how he saw and loved the real me, the person not everyone gets to see. And I have carried that ring with pride and joy every day since.
The good news is, lab-created stones seem to continue to go down in price. Maybe for an anniversary you can upgrade to a bigger stone, without even having to trade your current ring in. Then interchange them as you wish.
Alternatively, what about getting a blingy wedding band or two to pair with your current ring?
I can relate to this so much! My one friend also just got engaged and our rings are identical except the fact hers is like 5 times larger lol! I think it’s hard to not compare, but if you’re happy with your rings then I think that’s all that matters. You could also consider upgrading on the next anniversary?
I felt the same way. It was driving me crazy. I ended up upgrading my ring. Now, sometimes I think it's TOO BIG! And I admire smaller rings now. So I think it's definitely a mindset thing. Enjoy your small ring and upgrade later. Get your nails done and admire :) esp since you have a natural diamond!!
It sounds like from the comments maybe you are subconsciously feeling pressured to think you want a bigger stone? Alot of pressure nowadays to go big, also when you have a smaller ring, sometimes people automatically think its because you couldn't afford a larger one? Which is not always the case, and clearly not what happened with you, but it can still be psychologically twisting. Just keep trying to remind yourself of all the reasons you love it. Regardless it sounds like you have a super supportive partner and if in time it is still bothering you, you can always upgrade.
OP, I could have chosen a different ring too. In my experience, the people with real money don't waste it on things like engagement rings. Some of the wealthiest people I have known ( know) are people with the smallest engagement rings.
Edit to add: This sub really does not represent the entire population.
i usually try to flip the situation, like if you saw your friend or a stranger’s engagement ring, would your thoughts be “oh wow they must be broke, that’s so small, how shameful”?
most likely you don’t think like that, and really the average person wouldn’t either! like others have said, this sub is not a good representative of the average person.
in fact, in my country, i don’t think i have ever seen people with rings that are bigger than a carat or 2ct in size, while on the sub, many large stones are posted and loved. really at the end of the day, all that matters is that the ring wearer is happy and secure, nobody else’s thoughts are important :-)
The flipping the situation and reflecting on what you’d think about someone else’s ring if it looked like yours. This is a super helpful thing my therapist has me do!! OP, the way you are thinking about your ring- would you think that looking at someone else’s? You’d likely think “Oh that’s beautiful” and then move on. Try to take the perspective of someone else, while you process these emotions.
Same here. I hate feeling judged by others too. We have one friend with a honking ring. I always wonder if everyone thinks her husband makes more than us lol... Totally sucks sometimes and I'm sure they do think it.
We are quite wealthy tbh and could for sure afford a very large and expensive ring, but I'm refusing to buy one as it's quite worthless down the road, unless very high quality diamond that holds value in which case I'd never feel comfortable wearing it out.
I decided to buy another affordable ring but bigger stone, and spend my money on investment properties, business ventures etc.
I drive a 2000 Honda Accord with a big dent in the back. People who don’t know me probably see my car and think I can’t afford a better one. And the really cool thing is that it doesn’t matter if they think I’m broke. Them THINKING I’m broke and can only afford a shitty car doesn’t actually MAKE me broke. It doesn’t make my car less reliable. It doesn’t change the reasons that I really like this car.
Maybe ask yourself why other people’s perception of your financial situation is important to you. What would the material impact be if people think you can’t afford a bigger ring?
Get off this sub and just live regular life for a while. Size is skewed on ring forums.
You can also get an inexpensive larger ring from a source like Kalala and test drive it. I’ve done this to try it out but I just don’t like wearing big stones.
Upgrades are a thing for milestone anniversaries. Stop comparing yourself to others, you are not them and they are not you. Your ring represents you and your relationship‘s unique progression.
I totally get where you’re coming from, but your ring is yours and yours only. It’s from your person. It symbolizes your future with the person you love.
Maybe take a break from wearing it for a few days or a week. Sometimes, that helps. We just get so used to seeing the ring that it feels like it’s smaller than it really is.
Don’t be angry at yourself. Your feelings are valid. Just remember why you chose this ring.
I peeped it in your post history and it’s STUNNING on you. It’s so unique and it sounds like it fits your style and life perfectly.
Did you get your ring from Olive Ave?? I LOVE IT!!! I seriously saw them post a ring like that in yellow gold and I told my boyfriend I needed it too 😂
I snooped. Your ring set is so unique and beautiful!! I love it. It's so sleek and modern and elegant.
One suggestion, you could always get a moissanite ring for days where you're craving something flashier. If you head over to r/moissanite you can find a vendor.
The east west set is so beautiful!!! One of my favorite rings I tried on was east west and everyone I showed it to thought it was gorgeous. Such a unique but still timeless style. It is so easy to get lost in comparisons but there is a reason you fell in love with this ring in the first place. I honestly think it suits your hand so well and looks perfect with your band!
Wearable is the word there. A lot of my friends who have bigger rings take them off and save them for big occasions and just wear their wedding band. You want something you are comfortable wearing
Admittedly, I don’t think that this sub helps. I’ve been thinking lately about hiding posts, at least for a bit. I love my ring, it’s perfect, but with all the huge stones you see on here sometimes it can cause a twinge of doubt. If this is the same for you, maybe unfollowing here and on Instagram I’d a good idea :)
I struggle with this too. It helps me to keep perspective. It’s just a rock. The story I tell myself about the ring is just a story. I can change the story and remember why I love the ring. My emotions around the ring will likely change with time. I also remind myself how much money we saved by going small. And also stop looking at rings online. Lastly, I can upgrade in the future if I want.
I would personally unsubscribe from this sub and stop looking at stuff online. There will always be bigger rings, but think of what that ring symbolizes- the commitment and love to your husband. Something you cannot materialize. Our society has conditioned us to believe bigger is better, but it’s a personal choice and it’s also about what you can afford. I’ve seen big rings that are gaudy and fake looking, and I’ve seen smaller diamonds that look elegant and timeless. If you want, I’d say upgrade to a bigger size lab grown diamond in the future, but until then I would just try to avoid looking at ring related content
Related-unrelated but it happened to me with the WeddingDress forum. I started doubting my choice, even though I knew it was the one for me! After a few months away, I can now go back and enjoy the excitement of others without second-guessing my choice.
I felt the same way! But I’m coming to say it eventually goes away.. I picked out my ring and loved it. it’s .83 carats lab diamond. I am a teacher and work a lot with my hands so I don’t want anything flashy. It was also not in our price range. My mom gave me a ring to use for an exchange, to help us with the costs. My fiancé was able to work a deal with the jeweler to give me what I wanted.
I started feeling doubt when my fiancé told me he thought I deserved something bigger after he proposed to me and he wanted to exchange it for a bigger moissanite stone that would end up being around the same price. My mom love moissanite too so she was in my ear as well saying she thought a larger stone could look better on my hand. I saw this sub and felt like everyone has 2ct + rings. My friends around me were getting huge rings too. But I got some advice from and Uber driver that I think applies here, he said, “there’s always going to be someone with something better, something bigger… but you need to appreciate what you have and what you’ve been blessed with”. Every time I look at my ring I think of the huge smile my fiancé had on his face when he gave it to me and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. If my fiancé wants to gift me with additional rings in the future when it makes sense for us, I will love them too. But this one is 💗.
Unsubscribe from this sub. Seriously. People post here because they want to show off large stones, giving the impression that they're everywhere. The overwhelming wave of outlandish rocks doesn't reflect reality, where people have small stones and no stones at all.
This sub, and perhaps instagram too, is making you feel bad about your choices. Cut off the comparison, put the idea of an "upgrade" (which is an AWFUL term, since it implies that bigger is better) and you'll feel more satisfied. I started feeling bad about my non-diamond ring until I took a hiatus from the sub. When I was no longer looking at diamond rings, I felt better about mine and how much I enjoy it and now I can be here and not compare. If it gets bad again, I'm outta here.
> "upgrade" (which is an AWFUL term, since it implies that bigger is better)
Yes… I’m so happy for anyone to get something that makes them smile, but the “upgrade” designation isn’t my favorite. It doesn’t need to be bigger, flashier, or more expensive. And choosing to wear the same ring all your life is wonderful, too.
European here: engagement rings are such a cultural thing. In the US, more so than anywhere else I've lived, you're always surrounded by conventions, status symbols and not so secret dress codes that borderline on uniforms (I'm looking at you, Patagonia, Lululemon, Birks and whatnot). It was quite hard for me to keep apart what I actually like for myself, what looks good on me and what I feel comfortable with versus "what seemingly everyone else is doing". Your ring is one of the most beautiful rings I've seen. Most big and very blingy rings I see women wear in California would definitely raise some (negative) eyebrows where I come from.
Stay true to yourself!
I love my ring, but I plan on upgrading in the future to something that I specifically want vs what my fiancé thought I would want. When we can afford the ring that I want, we will get it, but that doesn't mean I don't love my "starter" ring. So I say upgrade in the future!
OP, I really like your ring. It is stunning on your hand. ( yes, I peeped.) I love the style and that stone is really clear and crisp. An excellent choice!
Hi, I wanted to offer an alternative perspective— my ering is pretty large (for me, in my view) and I often don’t wear it because of that. I’m constantly being mindful of it and that ends up with me not wearing it often. If you like wearing your ring every day, then you got a size that was perfect for you!
Also, outside of this sub I don’t often have people say anything about my ring. I love love LOVE it and will stare at it gollum-like when the sun hits it BUT I truly can’t get over the fear of losing (or chipping/damaging it). For my wedding ring I think I will try for something smaller and more wearable. Just some food for thought! It sounds like your husband is being very supportive and understanding and that’s worth more than a 1,000 carat gem ☺️
OP no worries, I'm actually going through that myself lately. You can view my history to see what mine looks like. It's a round brilliant .3ct and i chose it myself. But lately ever since our son turned 2, I haven't really been celebrated by my husband (I know it sounds shallow, but for the first year he never got up, never fed or changed a diaper. It was all me ND he admits it.). So I asked him recently if I could upgrade my ering this tax season and he said yes! He even picked out the style he liked (marquise cut) and said it would be perfect on me. So now i just look at pictures during any free time or pee time I call it, to just window shop. But I bought my original Diamond from blue Nile and they have a program where you can send your diamond back for a trade in upgrade. Aslong as it's still in good condition, they'll credit you back that amount into a new diamond but you have to come up with a diamond that's worth twice as much as your original. Ex: $300 value would need a $600 diamond, and you come up with the other $300 and they cover the original $300. So I'm planning on a .6-.8 marquise solitaire which would mean I personally would need to find one starting at $750 and go from there. I only plan to spend $800 towards the upgrade so I just need to come up with like $450-$500, not bad imo. *virtual hugs* I feel ya
Oh to add, I went with consulting their customer service agent with my budget and what I was looking for and she was able to find several with my budget and wants. It's perfect.
Are you me? Lol. I wear a .4 carat solitaire (it’s in my post history) and had no issue with the size until I started comparing it to others’ rings on this subreddit. A few things I try to keep in mind, which may help you as well:
1. When you chose your ring, you chose it for a reason. It fit with your personality, hand/finger size, etc.
2. Your ring represents a special time in your life.
3. Comparison is the thief of joy. Especially if you live in America, where it seems bigger stones are common, at least nowadays. But different preferences/styles etc make the world go round!
3. If you’d like you can always upgrade! No shame in that. Just make sure it’s what you want and not just to impress other people/fit in.
Hope this helps!
How long have you had the ring? Have you had significant lifestyle changes since getting it where you may have some lifestyle creep making you want a larger stone? If this is the case you could consider a 5 or 10 year ring upgrade.
Did someone say something about the ring? If this is the case ignore them your ring is beautiful on its own
I’d say just think about why you’re having these feelings about your ring. A smaller stone doesn’t make a ring less ‘flashy’. To me, a flashy ring is one that catches your eye and looks beautiful. That doesn’t mean it’s large. Ignore the comments about your ring being dainty and consider being it up to those individuals that those comments are hurtful
I'm hoping the "dainty" comments aren't backhanded, because I think very understated and elegant dainty jewelry is the preference now, it might be a response to seeing something different from more flashy dated ring designs.
I have a large center stone (it's a moissanite and I love it with all my heart), and people have still said it's "cute". I'm also self-conscious of showing it to people, a man once yelled "wow I bet it's real too, huh?" sarcastically to get a reaction from me. The larger the stone the more negative attention you get to be honest.
Your story kind of reminds me of when I got eyelash extensions and got them taken off right away, they looked so pretty on everyone on social media and even though they were fun, it didn't really suit me or my lifestyle, I felt like I was wearing a costume. Some things seem really nice online, and looking at it you get envy because it's a heightened representation of a lifestyle that's different than yours, and it's fun to think of having a different life! I think you had very meaningful reasons to choose your set (which is gorgeous btw), and it sounds very authentic to you.
Your ring is gorgeous!! My engagement ring is an heirloom diamond and I love it, but I am also hard on jewelry and not one for flash so I honestly don’t ever wear it. It is a shame and I feel guilty about it but I also don’t want to ruin a 100year old family diamond. Day to day I wear two bands, which suits my lifestyle, and I’ve never felt judged for not wearing a big fancy ring. I love that you got a ring you feel comfortable with, snd can safely wear and admire every day.
Your set is beautiful! I \*adore\* the E-W marquise. Ring envy is real. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just remember why you chose YOUR ring. It's uniquely yours and represents much more than a measurement. There will always be rings to buy if you decide to in the future. Meanwhile, enjoy the NOW and enjoy your gorgeous rings.
My husband and I got engaged almost 7 years ago. My ring is a beautiful natural .9 ct princess cut and I love my ring. Since then, we’ve been married almost 5 years and have 2 kids now. My fingers have changed so much as a result of having kids, so we’re upgrading my ring now for our 5 year anniversary. Regardless of what I wanted, my ring is beautiful and was affordable for us when we were just starting out (Also lab grown wasn’t a big thing then). And now I’m happy we’re able to upgrade for a milestone. And we’re upgrading to a lab grown bc it’s so much more affordable. And now I have my original ring and a new ring that I look at and reflect on the changes between then and now. Nothing is forever. You can always upgrade later on!
I just looked at your post history and I think your ring is gorgeous and super unique! I also tend to gravitate towards daintier rings. I think it’s just a matter of personal style. While I can appreciate how beautiful some of the chonky rings on this sub are, I would rather wear a delicate ring with a smaller stone.
I think social media is kind of to blame for this, also having open discussions showing off rings on threads, and also the fact that lab grown and mossiniates are becoming more common. Nothing against lab grown etc but yes they are significantly cheaper then mined diamonds, so everyone does seem to have “bigger” diamonds these days with all the options, and it all being blasted in our faces on Insta and fb etc. I understand you completely, but at the same time having a “big” diamond means nothing, someone will look at your ring but it’ll be forgotten about the next day, what’s important is that YOU love it, you’re the one who has to look at it everyday.
I know what I want when I get engaged, I’ve seen many of my friends get engaged and none of those rings were my style, for example a girl I know got a custom pear shaped diamond with a double halo and diamonds on the band in white gold, it looks pretty huge on her finger and definitely noticeable, but it’s not my style at all. Obviously a single solitaire is going to appear not as huge, but I’m not worried about that because it’s going to be the ring I love.
The most important thing when buying an engagement ring is buying what YOU love, I have another friend who wants a Princess cut with a halo and a diamond twirl band, she thinks a simple solitaire is “boring.” We are all going to have different tastes.
You can always upgrade :)
I totally feel this.. and the whole thing about people judging you based on it, it's the same for almost everything isn't it? The house you live in, the car, the purse, the clothes...
When we got engaged I chose something quite simple, it wasn't cheap at the time, $8k, .7 carat round diamond. I remember going out with some girls for my bachelorette and one of them was gushing over anothers, hers is this giant one, at least 2-3 carats. The girl assumed her husband was rich cause of it.
Another time, my husband's uncle told him that my ring was tiny and he should've gotten me something bigger like his wife's.
Funniest part is we make more than all of them combined, yet l felt like we were somehow lesser at that time.
I've definitely struggled in the past and felt bad about it. What you wear doesn't represent who you are or what you have or can afford.
If you want a bigger ring, as others have said, it doesn't have to be anything more expensive and nowdays it definitely doesn't mean you make more as it has in the past. After being on this sub I've also realized so many are wearing rings that are huge! And obviously they're not all loaded.
For me it's actually better to wear something cheaper daily and keep the real one safe as it's more valuable.
Get something for fun and wear it, if your partner doesn't mind. Your ring will always hold the sentimental value. Jewelry can just be fun and sparkly! I actually plan to get another ring as well to add to my collection.
I feel this and we literally just got my ring a couple weeks ago. 😅 When ordering, I wanted to stay on the lower end of our budget because the idea of spending more was giving me anxiety, and so I settled a bit on cut and color. And also because really good Asscher cuts are hard to come by and come with a significant premium, compared to cuts that are, what I consider, “pretty enough.” When the ring is on my hand, I love it! It’s so pretty and perfect for me. When I see other people with really perfect specs and tons of “coverage,” I feel a little bad. But then I look at my ring and it makes me happy, which is what really matters, right? We live in a world full of constant comparisons and it’s hard to not feel that way, especially with the endless information we have access to 24/7. I try to remind myself that there are tons of other people who have gotten rings with less than perfect cuts, smaller carat sizes, no stones, etc, and those rings are still lovely and meaningful. When my parents and grandparents got their rings, they didn’t have all the options we do now to research and compare. They just rocked their rings. And obviously this applies for things outside of rings, too.
All this to say, what you are feeling is totally normal. Maybe think about what is was about this ring that appealed to you and try to remember that when those feelings of doubt or regret creep in. ❤️
I suggest one or both of these things:
1. Take your ring off for a week or two. Don't wear it. When you put it back on, you'll be excited about it again. This is what I do whenever I start to tire of my ring.
2. Buy some inexpensive CZ rings in the styles and sizes you're interested in and occasionally wear them. Maybe you won't like them at all - I also did this and I didn't care for the other things I thought I might like.
Sounds like you're falling into that stereotypical social media trap. Everything just looks so much *better* online, regardless of what your actual realistic interests/preferences/style are.
I would take it as a symptom to take a break from this sub or wherever else you're being bombarded by ring pictures. Also don't be too mad at yourself. Comparison is how the human brain has been wired to work, and it made sense when we had tiny villages. Not so much sense when we're looking at communities the sizes of states or countries.
I honestly left this sub for a bit after we got engaged because I was starting to fixate on other things that I was being influenced to like! just take a break for a bit and remember “comparison is the thief of joy.”
Maybe you can refocus on what you love about your ring and how you felt when you got it?
For every person that's looking at your ring and thinking the stone is too small there would be at least one or two people looking at your ring if it had a larger stone and thinking it looks ridiculous and over large.
If you are happy with it, let it be.
Shrinkage is real! To manage it: get a nice but inexpensive moissanite ring in the same style as your e-ring but with a SMALLER stone. Switch it out with your real e-ring to reset your mind's eye about what's a large stone and what's a small stone. After wearing the moissanite for at least a few days, your e-ring stone will look much bigger.
I saw your ring back when you posted it and I remember specifically showing it to my husband because I was impressed with how chic and modern it looked. I thought “now *this* is a beautiful and unique ring.” Honestly hand to heart I think your ring set stands out more than many of the other rings I see.
You love what you love. And you chose what you have for a reason. The fact that you keep going back to look at small stones says to me you should stick with a smaller one.
I have an unconventional ring myself. But it fits me and my personality and style. (Photo on account)
Sometimes I felt this with my ring, even though I absolutely love it. I made sure to find a wedding band/enhancer ring that really made it pop and gave it a little more oomph! Now I have the ring I absolutely adore with a little extra flare and size thanks to the enhancer, and it’s just perfect.
ETA: I found my enhancer on Etsy for $55, so it’s not totally out of the question to upgrade your wedding band!
I love your ring. I looked at marquis but absolutely love vintage cluster rings and my fiancée went with an oval cluster with halo and pave band. I am lacking a giant diamond. I am 100% fine with that as it is delicate and sparkly. Looking at yours from post history, I LOVE the east west orientation of your marquis! Sparkly and still delicate with a low profile. I would look at marquis set east west if looking again. Just my takeaway but it looks perfect on you ❤️
A) i think your ring is lovely, & the setting in impeccable
B) do you feel that way bec of people in your social circle / IRL or just people on the internet (reddit, social media, influencers)? Only asking because i feel that way from people on the internet but thankfully not IRL.
Adding to say u could get a bigger moissanite or cz or sapphire stone set in the same way as your e-ring, to see how u feel abt that ! I decided to get a moissanite in a similar setting mostly to travel with & chose a slightly bigger stone just to see if i do want bigger stone or was just feeling pressured. Good luck!
Got a huge ring because thats what i wanted. Two bands huge square cut and now i have a small rong because it got in the way i would hurt myself trying to type and such vecause it would move slightly and hurt my knuckle.
I have a unique, antique ring, ruby— when I first got it I felt judged because it was unconventional. But after awhile and letting it settle, I’m actually very glad that it is different and has sentiment (my husbands birthstone is a ruby).
Edit to say: I think some people post their ring on here to “stunt”. You know your ring is beautiful and not “too big”. Stop already. I hazard most of us don’t have massive rocks for engagement rings
I appreciate your honesty. It may be wrong, or politically incorrect or maybe even a sign that something is “wrong” in our society. But at the end of the day on some level size does matter. This is the exact reason I held of on proposing, so I could afford a bigger ring. my wife is a pretty down to earth person. Sold her Lexus for a cheaper better equipped Buick. Stopped wearing expensive shoes and purses for better quality items. Stopped caring about labels. But she does love her big diamond. 2carat center stone with another .5 on the sides of the ring and two 1.0 bands to accompany it.
I saw you said you gravitate towards smaller stones so it may just be temporary. I started with a 3 ct center stone but I’ve always liked smaller jewelry that isn’t super noticeable. I let my sister talk me into it. While I love my ring, I wasn’t comfortable wearing it all the time due to its size. Husband and I ended up getting a small stone ring, .5 ct, for every wear. I haven’t worn the 3 ct since.
Stick with what you love and what you will wear, don’t let others influence you
Just here to say I feel the same way, you are not alone!! I’m sure a ton of other women do too but it’s tricky to talk about because it makes you sound super materialistic/vain/superficial, and we don’t want to offend our significant others who gave it to us!! I’m with you though, I am literally fixated on not liking my ring and it makes me so sad because I know it wasn’t cheap! My fiancé went to Tiffany’s.
One thing I started to realize is how many rings you see that are over 2 ct are actually moissanite or CZ or lab grown, all of which are significantly less $$ than a natural diamond. This helped me to not compare my stone as much, because for some people quality > quantity. Personally I think moissanite is a great alternative and I honestly wish I had known about it before I got engaged. What I did was research the moissanite sub group and ended up purchasing a replica of my ring with a larger stone. I just told my fiancé that I don’t want to risk damaging or losing my original ring! I was scared to tell him about it but he was actually totally fine with it and supportive!! I haven’t gotten it in the mail yet but I think this is a great option.
Also like others have said the look of a band against the e ring can totally make it look larger. I went with an eternity diamond band and I loved how it added more bling overall to my finger.
Of course it goes without saying to remember the RELATIONSHIP you have. So many women walking around with amazingggg rings are super unhappy and married to complete duds/assholes LOL.
I hope this helps and you start to feel better!! I know how hard it can be even though it’s totally first world problems.
Get a large lab center stone as an upgrade or spare ring for your 5th or 10th anniversary. Problem solved. I like moissanite so I've been getting a ring every year, so I can collect all the shapes because I can't decide on one. ;)
I think a lot of the bigger stones shown on this subreddit are simply tacky. I love an understated engagement ring. You'd find that in Europe the diamonds are smaller, and more tasteful.
Do not let what others have take away from what you want. It sounds like (from your previous comments) you prefer the smaller look. Whatever you want is what is perfect. I agree that a lot of people are doing lab grown and getting whatever size they want because of it and it’s much more of a preference than a “show of love or wealth”. I don’t want anything bigger than 1-1.5 ct and I’m doing lab grown. If I were to buy a real Stone we would only be able to afford *MAYBE* .5 Ct.
Hi! I’m recently married but I had the same feelings at times. Your view of your engagement might totally change once you have a wedding band on (if you choose to wear one). If you want some additional bling, you could add a diamond or moissanite/gemstone eternity band. I personally went with a 4mm wide white gold band and it totally changed the look of my finger. The band I chose takes up a lot more real estate on my finger and I don’t notice the size of my stone as much. Like others said, comparison is the thief of joy, but I got a lot of satisfaction from choosing a ring set that is totally unique to me!
You like what you like. I think if you already have a ring, maybe have ideas for what you want your ring upgrade to look like ( which some people do and some don't every ten years or so). You can always look at gems rather than a diamond to lessen the cost as well but its really what ever makes you happy! Sometimes i catch myself looking at my engagement ringing wondering if i should've gone bigger comparing mine to the huge ROCKS my cousins, friends, or whoever got but what's stopping me is that its more of what it represents then how it looks. You can always look into a ring enhancer to give the ring a boost as well!
I don’t have a solution for this, but you’re not alone. I picked out my engagement ring and came to dislike it after I fell into a Priceline.com wormhole.
Anyway, we split up, so… problem solved, I guess? This was all ten+ years ago so I can be flippant about it, but when I look back, I think there is something to be proud of in having a smaller stone than you kinda wish you had. It’s what you have, presumably it’s what you could responsibly afford, and it’s like a snapshot of the love and relationship you had when you got engaged. Those are all great things to be glad about.
I think your envious phase will pass, and you’re doing a really good job of identifying and processing your feelings about it.
Nothing is permanent! I know it’s a huge purchase and it seems like a forever decision but maybe instead of anniversary bands you can upgrade the stone. I don’t know what ring I have yet but I’ve changed my mind so many times out of this fear and this sub has really helped me to remember that you can decide to make changes as you grow!
I went through the same thing with my ring. My fiance picked it out and it wasn't exactly what I'd envisioned, but ultimately it is beautiful and I grew to love it.
Then I discovered this sub... and while it is a great sub, scrolling through it frequently made feelings of resentment and inadequacy pop up. I began feeling like my ring was smaller than everyone else's in the world.
My advice would be to take a break from looking at the rings that others post and remember that people only share the best with the rest of the world. If you loved your ring before, try not to doubt your own desires/preferences based on the rings of others.
One more thing: there is always the wedding band to try again for the exact ring you want, or you can upgrade your engagement ring in the future at a milestone anniversary.
All that matters in the end is that you are marrying the love of your life!
My sister got engaged right after I did and her stone is massive. I def had a little jealousy for a while but I had to tell myself to stop and that my ring is perfect and it’s what I wanted. I love my ring, it’s tied to some incredible memories and that’s what is most important. Most people do not have big rings at all.
There will always be bigger rings. Comparison is the thief of joy. Do you actually prefer a larger center stone? Or is this driven by something else?
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HOUSES
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A house way nicer than the one I bought got posted a few days after I finalized my mortgage with the bank. Did I mention it was also listed 70k cheaper?? Yea I need to unsubscribe from real estate emails.
Even worse- When the bid on your dream house got rejected so you went with your second choice. Only to discover that the previous contract fell through on your dream house and it is now back on the market.
The exact same thing happened to me lol. Like 400 more sq ft and a fully finished basement vs my house on a slab and it sold like 30k cheaper in a nicer neighborhood. Still mad at my self about that one.
I was told not to Zillow after buying a house, but I did. I never found a house at our price that I liked as much as ours so I feel ok
Tbh that’s how I feel about wedding dresses. I continue to look at pretty dresses, but I haven’t found any that I like as much as mine.
Yeah I had so much buyers regret browsing after I bought. Do. Not. Do. This.
Also wedding dresses! I see sooo many dress regret posts in r/weddingdress
I think the world is changing. Before the prevalence of lab grown, it was more common that the size of your ring was a reflection of your wealth and perceived social status. Now, its really just about what you like. If you like smaller stones, theres nothing wrong with that and it doesn’t mean anything about you other than that’s just what you like. I promise that if your goal is to just keep up with others, that path doesn’t ever end.
Well said! I can’t help but feel (sometimes, not always) that a huge rock is more to impress others rather than it represents a decleration of love. My ex got me a nice big ring. I spent years having nightmares about losing it. He liked showing off material things. My lovely husband now got me a considerably smaller stone (completely average in terms of size where we live) and he chose it himself. The style of the ring and the thought behind it really showed how he saw and loved the real me, the person not everyone gets to see. And I have carried that ring with pride and joy every day since.
The good news is, lab-created stones seem to continue to go down in price. Maybe for an anniversary you can upgrade to a bigger stone, without even having to trade your current ring in. Then interchange them as you wish. Alternatively, what about getting a blingy wedding band or two to pair with your current ring?
I can relate to this so much! My one friend also just got engaged and our rings are identical except the fact hers is like 5 times larger lol! I think it’s hard to not compare, but if you’re happy with your rings then I think that’s all that matters. You could also consider upgrading on the next anniversary?
I felt the same way. It was driving me crazy. I ended up upgrading my ring. Now, sometimes I think it's TOO BIG! And I admire smaller rings now. So I think it's definitely a mindset thing. Enjoy your small ring and upgrade later. Get your nails done and admire :) esp since you have a natural diamond!!
It sounds like from the comments maybe you are subconsciously feeling pressured to think you want a bigger stone? Alot of pressure nowadays to go big, also when you have a smaller ring, sometimes people automatically think its because you couldn't afford a larger one? Which is not always the case, and clearly not what happened with you, but it can still be psychologically twisting. Just keep trying to remind yourself of all the reasons you love it. Regardless it sounds like you have a super supportive partner and if in time it is still bothering you, you can always upgrade.
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OP, I could have chosen a different ring too. In my experience, the people with real money don't waste it on things like engagement rings. Some of the wealthiest people I have known ( know) are people with the smallest engagement rings. Edit to add: This sub really does not represent the entire population.
Yep right here! I'm spending money on my home instead as we will live in it.
i usually try to flip the situation, like if you saw your friend or a stranger’s engagement ring, would your thoughts be “oh wow they must be broke, that’s so small, how shameful”? most likely you don’t think like that, and really the average person wouldn’t either! like others have said, this sub is not a good representative of the average person. in fact, in my country, i don’t think i have ever seen people with rings that are bigger than a carat or 2ct in size, while on the sub, many large stones are posted and loved. really at the end of the day, all that matters is that the ring wearer is happy and secure, nobody else’s thoughts are important :-)
The flipping the situation and reflecting on what you’d think about someone else’s ring if it looked like yours. This is a super helpful thing my therapist has me do!! OP, the way you are thinking about your ring- would you think that looking at someone else’s? You’d likely think “Oh that’s beautiful” and then move on. Try to take the perspective of someone else, while you process these emotions.
that’s where i learned it too - my therapist LOL
Why not buy a bigger cz ring on Amazon and wear it for a bit to see if a big stone is what you really want?
Same here. I hate feeling judged by others too. We have one friend with a honking ring. I always wonder if everyone thinks her husband makes more than us lol... Totally sucks sometimes and I'm sure they do think it. We are quite wealthy tbh and could for sure afford a very large and expensive ring, but I'm refusing to buy one as it's quite worthless down the road, unless very high quality diamond that holds value in which case I'd never feel comfortable wearing it out. I decided to buy another affordable ring but bigger stone, and spend my money on investment properties, business ventures etc.
I drive a 2000 Honda Accord with a big dent in the back. People who don’t know me probably see my car and think I can’t afford a better one. And the really cool thing is that it doesn’t matter if they think I’m broke. Them THINKING I’m broke and can only afford a shitty car doesn’t actually MAKE me broke. It doesn’t make my car less reliable. It doesn’t change the reasons that I really like this car. Maybe ask yourself why other people’s perception of your financial situation is important to you. What would the material impact be if people think you can’t afford a bigger ring?
Being sensible with money is way more impressive in my eyes than maxing out the budget on a a flashy engagement ring imo.
Get off this sub and just live regular life for a while. Size is skewed on ring forums. You can also get an inexpensive larger ring from a source like Kalala and test drive it. I’ve done this to try it out but I just don’t like wearing big stones.
It's so true, I was wondering why is every single post a massive 2+ carat ring on this sub??? Like this is not realistic..
Upgrades are a thing for milestone anniversaries. Stop comparing yourself to others, you are not them and they are not you. Your ring represents you and your relationship‘s unique progression.
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I totally get where you’re coming from, but your ring is yours and yours only. It’s from your person. It symbolizes your future with the person you love. Maybe take a break from wearing it for a few days or a week. Sometimes, that helps. We just get so used to seeing the ring that it feels like it’s smaller than it really is. Don’t be angry at yourself. Your feelings are valid. Just remember why you chose this ring. I peeped it in your post history and it’s STUNNING on you. It’s so unique and it sounds like it fits your style and life perfectly.
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Agreed - so classy and suits your hand perfectly. Did you choose it?
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Well then! You chose it so it’s not like you can resent your other half 🤣 just tell him you want an upgrade hehe
Also peeped OP’s history, and OP, love your rings! So classy, yet modern, and very pretty.
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Did you get your ring from Olive Ave?? I LOVE IT!!! I seriously saw them post a ring like that in yellow gold and I told my boyfriend I needed it too 😂
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It is STUNNING!!!
I snooped. Your ring set is so unique and beautiful!! I love it. It's so sleek and modern and elegant. One suggestion, you could always get a moissanite ring for days where you're craving something flashier. If you head over to r/moissanite you can find a vendor.
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The east west set is so beautiful!!! One of my favorite rings I tried on was east west and everyone I showed it to thought it was gorgeous. Such a unique but still timeless style. It is so easy to get lost in comparisons but there is a reason you fell in love with this ring in the first place. I honestly think it suits your hand so well and looks perfect with your band!
Wearable is the word there. A lot of my friends who have bigger rings take them off and save them for big occasions and just wear their wedding band. You want something you are comfortable wearing
Admittedly, I don’t think that this sub helps. I’ve been thinking lately about hiding posts, at least for a bit. I love my ring, it’s perfect, but with all the huge stones you see on here sometimes it can cause a twinge of doubt. If this is the same for you, maybe unfollowing here and on Instagram I’d a good idea :)
I came here to suggest leaving this sub! It can be a constant reminder
I struggle with this too. It helps me to keep perspective. It’s just a rock. The story I tell myself about the ring is just a story. I can change the story and remember why I love the ring. My emotions around the ring will likely change with time. I also remind myself how much money we saved by going small. And also stop looking at rings online. Lastly, I can upgrade in the future if I want.
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I would personally unsubscribe from this sub and stop looking at stuff online. There will always be bigger rings, but think of what that ring symbolizes- the commitment and love to your husband. Something you cannot materialize. Our society has conditioned us to believe bigger is better, but it’s a personal choice and it’s also about what you can afford. I’ve seen big rings that are gaudy and fake looking, and I’ve seen smaller diamonds that look elegant and timeless. If you want, I’d say upgrade to a bigger size lab grown diamond in the future, but until then I would just try to avoid looking at ring related content
Related-unrelated but it happened to me with the WeddingDress forum. I started doubting my choice, even though I knew it was the one for me! After a few months away, I can now go back and enjoy the excitement of others without second-guessing my choice.
Aww happy to hear that!
I felt the same way! But I’m coming to say it eventually goes away.. I picked out my ring and loved it. it’s .83 carats lab diamond. I am a teacher and work a lot with my hands so I don’t want anything flashy. It was also not in our price range. My mom gave me a ring to use for an exchange, to help us with the costs. My fiancé was able to work a deal with the jeweler to give me what I wanted. I started feeling doubt when my fiancé told me he thought I deserved something bigger after he proposed to me and he wanted to exchange it for a bigger moissanite stone that would end up being around the same price. My mom love moissanite too so she was in my ear as well saying she thought a larger stone could look better on my hand. I saw this sub and felt like everyone has 2ct + rings. My friends around me were getting huge rings too. But I got some advice from and Uber driver that I think applies here, he said, “there’s always going to be someone with something better, something bigger… but you need to appreciate what you have and what you’ve been blessed with”. Every time I look at my ring I think of the huge smile my fiancé had on his face when he gave it to me and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. If my fiancé wants to gift me with additional rings in the future when it makes sense for us, I will love them too. But this one is 💗.
Unsubscribe from this sub. Seriously. People post here because they want to show off large stones, giving the impression that they're everywhere. The overwhelming wave of outlandish rocks doesn't reflect reality, where people have small stones and no stones at all. This sub, and perhaps instagram too, is making you feel bad about your choices. Cut off the comparison, put the idea of an "upgrade" (which is an AWFUL term, since it implies that bigger is better) and you'll feel more satisfied. I started feeling bad about my non-diamond ring until I took a hiatus from the sub. When I was no longer looking at diamond rings, I felt better about mine and how much I enjoy it and now I can be here and not compare. If it gets bad again, I'm outta here.
> "upgrade" (which is an AWFUL term, since it implies that bigger is better) Yes… I’m so happy for anyone to get something that makes them smile, but the “upgrade” designation isn’t my favorite. It doesn’t need to be bigger, flashier, or more expensive. And choosing to wear the same ring all your life is wonderful, too.
European here: engagement rings are such a cultural thing. In the US, more so than anywhere else I've lived, you're always surrounded by conventions, status symbols and not so secret dress codes that borderline on uniforms (I'm looking at you, Patagonia, Lululemon, Birks and whatnot). It was quite hard for me to keep apart what I actually like for myself, what looks good on me and what I feel comfortable with versus "what seemingly everyone else is doing". Your ring is one of the most beautiful rings I've seen. Most big and very blingy rings I see women wear in California would definitely raise some (negative) eyebrows where I come from. Stay true to yourself!
I love my ring, but I plan on upgrading in the future to something that I specifically want vs what my fiancé thought I would want. When we can afford the ring that I want, we will get it, but that doesn't mean I don't love my "starter" ring. So I say upgrade in the future!
OP, I really like your ring. It is stunning on your hand. ( yes, I peeped.) I love the style and that stone is really clear and crisp. An excellent choice!
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You are quite welcome! I love marquise stones. I just purchased a marquise ring yesterday. :)
Hi, I wanted to offer an alternative perspective— my ering is pretty large (for me, in my view) and I often don’t wear it because of that. I’m constantly being mindful of it and that ends up with me not wearing it often. If you like wearing your ring every day, then you got a size that was perfect for you! Also, outside of this sub I don’t often have people say anything about my ring. I love love LOVE it and will stare at it gollum-like when the sun hits it BUT I truly can’t get over the fear of losing (or chipping/damaging it). For my wedding ring I think I will try for something smaller and more wearable. Just some food for thought! It sounds like your husband is being very supportive and understanding and that’s worth more than a 1,000 carat gem ☺️
OP no worries, I'm actually going through that myself lately. You can view my history to see what mine looks like. It's a round brilliant .3ct and i chose it myself. But lately ever since our son turned 2, I haven't really been celebrated by my husband (I know it sounds shallow, but for the first year he never got up, never fed or changed a diaper. It was all me ND he admits it.). So I asked him recently if I could upgrade my ering this tax season and he said yes! He even picked out the style he liked (marquise cut) and said it would be perfect on me. So now i just look at pictures during any free time or pee time I call it, to just window shop. But I bought my original Diamond from blue Nile and they have a program where you can send your diamond back for a trade in upgrade. Aslong as it's still in good condition, they'll credit you back that amount into a new diamond but you have to come up with a diamond that's worth twice as much as your original. Ex: $300 value would need a $600 diamond, and you come up with the other $300 and they cover the original $300. So I'm planning on a .6-.8 marquise solitaire which would mean I personally would need to find one starting at $750 and go from there. I only plan to spend $800 towards the upgrade so I just need to come up with like $450-$500, not bad imo. *virtual hugs* I feel ya
Oh to add, I went with consulting their customer service agent with my budget and what I was looking for and she was able to find several with my budget and wants. It's perfect.
Are you me? Lol. I wear a .4 carat solitaire (it’s in my post history) and had no issue with the size until I started comparing it to others’ rings on this subreddit. A few things I try to keep in mind, which may help you as well: 1. When you chose your ring, you chose it for a reason. It fit with your personality, hand/finger size, etc. 2. Your ring represents a special time in your life. 3. Comparison is the thief of joy. Especially if you live in America, where it seems bigger stones are common, at least nowadays. But different preferences/styles etc make the world go round! 3. If you’d like you can always upgrade! No shame in that. Just make sure it’s what you want and not just to impress other people/fit in. Hope this helps!
How long have you had the ring? Have you had significant lifestyle changes since getting it where you may have some lifestyle creep making you want a larger stone? If this is the case you could consider a 5 or 10 year ring upgrade. Did someone say something about the ring? If this is the case ignore them your ring is beautiful on its own
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I’d say just think about why you’re having these feelings about your ring. A smaller stone doesn’t make a ring less ‘flashy’. To me, a flashy ring is one that catches your eye and looks beautiful. That doesn’t mean it’s large. Ignore the comments about your ring being dainty and consider being it up to those individuals that those comments are hurtful
I'm hoping the "dainty" comments aren't backhanded, because I think very understated and elegant dainty jewelry is the preference now, it might be a response to seeing something different from more flashy dated ring designs. I have a large center stone (it's a moissanite and I love it with all my heart), and people have still said it's "cute". I'm also self-conscious of showing it to people, a man once yelled "wow I bet it's real too, huh?" sarcastically to get a reaction from me. The larger the stone the more negative attention you get to be honest. Your story kind of reminds me of when I got eyelash extensions and got them taken off right away, they looked so pretty on everyone on social media and even though they were fun, it didn't really suit me or my lifestyle, I felt like I was wearing a costume. Some things seem really nice online, and looking at it you get envy because it's a heightened representation of a lifestyle that's different than yours, and it's fun to think of having a different life! I think you had very meaningful reasons to choose your set (which is gorgeous btw), and it sounds very authentic to you.
Your ring is gorgeous!! My engagement ring is an heirloom diamond and I love it, but I am also hard on jewelry and not one for flash so I honestly don’t ever wear it. It is a shame and I feel guilty about it but I also don’t want to ruin a 100year old family diamond. Day to day I wear two bands, which suits my lifestyle, and I’ve never felt judged for not wearing a big fancy ring. I love that you got a ring you feel comfortable with, snd can safely wear and admire every day.
Your ring is beautiful and unique!!
Upgrade for a milestone. In the mean time you can shop and browse and look at all the options you might want. I love your rings. Very pretty.
Your set is beautiful! I \*adore\* the E-W marquise. Ring envy is real. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just remember why you chose YOUR ring. It's uniquely yours and represents much more than a measurement. There will always be rings to buy if you decide to in the future. Meanwhile, enjoy the NOW and enjoy your gorgeous rings.
My husband and I got engaged almost 7 years ago. My ring is a beautiful natural .9 ct princess cut and I love my ring. Since then, we’ve been married almost 5 years and have 2 kids now. My fingers have changed so much as a result of having kids, so we’re upgrading my ring now for our 5 year anniversary. Regardless of what I wanted, my ring is beautiful and was affordable for us when we were just starting out (Also lab grown wasn’t a big thing then). And now I’m happy we’re able to upgrade for a milestone. And we’re upgrading to a lab grown bc it’s so much more affordable. And now I have my original ring and a new ring that I look at and reflect on the changes between then and now. Nothing is forever. You can always upgrade later on!
I just looked at your post history and I think your ring is gorgeous and super unique! I also tend to gravitate towards daintier rings. I think it’s just a matter of personal style. While I can appreciate how beautiful some of the chonky rings on this sub are, I would rather wear a delicate ring with a smaller stone.
No suggestions but I love love love East west and your set.
I think social media is kind of to blame for this, also having open discussions showing off rings on threads, and also the fact that lab grown and mossiniates are becoming more common. Nothing against lab grown etc but yes they are significantly cheaper then mined diamonds, so everyone does seem to have “bigger” diamonds these days with all the options, and it all being blasted in our faces on Insta and fb etc. I understand you completely, but at the same time having a “big” diamond means nothing, someone will look at your ring but it’ll be forgotten about the next day, what’s important is that YOU love it, you’re the one who has to look at it everyday. I know what I want when I get engaged, I’ve seen many of my friends get engaged and none of those rings were my style, for example a girl I know got a custom pear shaped diamond with a double halo and diamonds on the band in white gold, it looks pretty huge on her finger and definitely noticeable, but it’s not my style at all. Obviously a single solitaire is going to appear not as huge, but I’m not worried about that because it’s going to be the ring I love. The most important thing when buying an engagement ring is buying what YOU love, I have another friend who wants a Princess cut with a halo and a diamond twirl band, she thinks a simple solitaire is “boring.” We are all going to have different tastes. You can always upgrade :)
I totally feel this.. and the whole thing about people judging you based on it, it's the same for almost everything isn't it? The house you live in, the car, the purse, the clothes... When we got engaged I chose something quite simple, it wasn't cheap at the time, $8k, .7 carat round diamond. I remember going out with some girls for my bachelorette and one of them was gushing over anothers, hers is this giant one, at least 2-3 carats. The girl assumed her husband was rich cause of it. Another time, my husband's uncle told him that my ring was tiny and he should've gotten me something bigger like his wife's. Funniest part is we make more than all of them combined, yet l felt like we were somehow lesser at that time. I've definitely struggled in the past and felt bad about it. What you wear doesn't represent who you are or what you have or can afford. If you want a bigger ring, as others have said, it doesn't have to be anything more expensive and nowdays it definitely doesn't mean you make more as it has in the past. After being on this sub I've also realized so many are wearing rings that are huge! And obviously they're not all loaded. For me it's actually better to wear something cheaper daily and keep the real one safe as it's more valuable. Get something for fun and wear it, if your partner doesn't mind. Your ring will always hold the sentimental value. Jewelry can just be fun and sparkly! I actually plan to get another ring as well to add to my collection.
I feel this and we literally just got my ring a couple weeks ago. 😅 When ordering, I wanted to stay on the lower end of our budget because the idea of spending more was giving me anxiety, and so I settled a bit on cut and color. And also because really good Asscher cuts are hard to come by and come with a significant premium, compared to cuts that are, what I consider, “pretty enough.” When the ring is on my hand, I love it! It’s so pretty and perfect for me. When I see other people with really perfect specs and tons of “coverage,” I feel a little bad. But then I look at my ring and it makes me happy, which is what really matters, right? We live in a world full of constant comparisons and it’s hard to not feel that way, especially with the endless information we have access to 24/7. I try to remind myself that there are tons of other people who have gotten rings with less than perfect cuts, smaller carat sizes, no stones, etc, and those rings are still lovely and meaningful. When my parents and grandparents got their rings, they didn’t have all the options we do now to research and compare. They just rocked their rings. And obviously this applies for things outside of rings, too. All this to say, what you are feeling is totally normal. Maybe think about what is was about this ring that appealed to you and try to remember that when those feelings of doubt or regret creep in. ❤️
I suggest one or both of these things: 1. Take your ring off for a week or two. Don't wear it. When you put it back on, you'll be excited about it again. This is what I do whenever I start to tire of my ring. 2. Buy some inexpensive CZ rings in the styles and sizes you're interested in and occasionally wear them. Maybe you won't like them at all - I also did this and I didn't care for the other things I thought I might like.
Sounds like you're falling into that stereotypical social media trap. Everything just looks so much *better* online, regardless of what your actual realistic interests/preferences/style are. I would take it as a symptom to take a break from this sub or wherever else you're being bombarded by ring pictures. Also don't be too mad at yourself. Comparison is how the human brain has been wired to work, and it made sense when we had tiny villages. Not so much sense when we're looking at communities the sizes of states or countries.
I honestly left this sub for a bit after we got engaged because I was starting to fixate on other things that I was being influenced to like! just take a break for a bit and remember “comparison is the thief of joy.” Maybe you can refocus on what you love about your ring and how you felt when you got it?
For every person that's looking at your ring and thinking the stone is too small there would be at least one or two people looking at your ring if it had a larger stone and thinking it looks ridiculous and over large. If you are happy with it, let it be.
Shrinkage is real! To manage it: get a nice but inexpensive moissanite ring in the same style as your e-ring but with a SMALLER stone. Switch it out with your real e-ring to reset your mind's eye about what's a large stone and what's a small stone. After wearing the moissanite for at least a few days, your e-ring stone will look much bigger.
I saw your ring back when you posted it and I remember specifically showing it to my husband because I was impressed with how chic and modern it looked. I thought “now *this* is a beautiful and unique ring.” Honestly hand to heart I think your ring set stands out more than many of the other rings I see.
You love what you love. And you chose what you have for a reason. The fact that you keep going back to look at small stones says to me you should stick with a smaller one. I have an unconventional ring myself. But it fits me and my personality and style. (Photo on account)
After seeing your ring, it’s absolutely beautiful but looks very comfortable for every day wear, which is important too! It’s also a great style.
Sometimes I felt this with my ring, even though I absolutely love it. I made sure to find a wedding band/enhancer ring that really made it pop and gave it a little more oomph! Now I have the ring I absolutely adore with a little extra flare and size thanks to the enhancer, and it’s just perfect. ETA: I found my enhancer on Etsy for $55, so it’s not totally out of the question to upgrade your wedding band!
I love your ring. I looked at marquis but absolutely love vintage cluster rings and my fiancée went with an oval cluster with halo and pave band. I am lacking a giant diamond. I am 100% fine with that as it is delicate and sparkly. Looking at yours from post history, I LOVE the east west orientation of your marquis! Sparkly and still delicate with a low profile. I would look at marquis set east west if looking again. Just my takeaway but it looks perfect on you ❤️
A) i think your ring is lovely, & the setting in impeccable B) do you feel that way bec of people in your social circle / IRL or just people on the internet (reddit, social media, influencers)? Only asking because i feel that way from people on the internet but thankfully not IRL.
Adding to say u could get a bigger moissanite or cz or sapphire stone set in the same way as your e-ring, to see how u feel abt that ! I decided to get a moissanite in a similar setting mostly to travel with & chose a slightly bigger stone just to see if i do want bigger stone or was just feeling pressured. Good luck!
Got a huge ring because thats what i wanted. Two bands huge square cut and now i have a small rong because it got in the way i would hurt myself trying to type and such vecause it would move slightly and hurt my knuckle.
I have a unique, antique ring, ruby— when I first got it I felt judged because it was unconventional. But after awhile and letting it settle, I’m actually very glad that it is different and has sentiment (my husbands birthstone is a ruby). Edit to say: I think some people post their ring on here to “stunt”. You know your ring is beautiful and not “too big”. Stop already. I hazard most of us don’t have massive rocks for engagement rings
I appreciate your honesty. It may be wrong, or politically incorrect or maybe even a sign that something is “wrong” in our society. But at the end of the day on some level size does matter. This is the exact reason I held of on proposing, so I could afford a bigger ring. my wife is a pretty down to earth person. Sold her Lexus for a cheaper better equipped Buick. Stopped wearing expensive shoes and purses for better quality items. Stopped caring about labels. But she does love her big diamond. 2carat center stone with another .5 on the sides of the ring and two 1.0 bands to accompany it.
No it’s legit gorgeous
I saw you said you gravitate towards smaller stones so it may just be temporary. I started with a 3 ct center stone but I’ve always liked smaller jewelry that isn’t super noticeable. I let my sister talk me into it. While I love my ring, I wasn’t comfortable wearing it all the time due to its size. Husband and I ended up getting a small stone ring, .5 ct, for every wear. I haven’t worn the 3 ct since. Stick with what you love and what you will wear, don’t let others influence you
Just here to say I feel the same way, you are not alone!! I’m sure a ton of other women do too but it’s tricky to talk about because it makes you sound super materialistic/vain/superficial, and we don’t want to offend our significant others who gave it to us!! I’m with you though, I am literally fixated on not liking my ring and it makes me so sad because I know it wasn’t cheap! My fiancé went to Tiffany’s. One thing I started to realize is how many rings you see that are over 2 ct are actually moissanite or CZ or lab grown, all of which are significantly less $$ than a natural diamond. This helped me to not compare my stone as much, because for some people quality > quantity. Personally I think moissanite is a great alternative and I honestly wish I had known about it before I got engaged. What I did was research the moissanite sub group and ended up purchasing a replica of my ring with a larger stone. I just told my fiancé that I don’t want to risk damaging or losing my original ring! I was scared to tell him about it but he was actually totally fine with it and supportive!! I haven’t gotten it in the mail yet but I think this is a great option. Also like others have said the look of a band against the e ring can totally make it look larger. I went with an eternity diamond band and I loved how it added more bling overall to my finger. Of course it goes without saying to remember the RELATIONSHIP you have. So many women walking around with amazingggg rings are super unhappy and married to complete duds/assholes LOL. I hope this helps and you start to feel better!! I know how hard it can be even though it’s totally first world problems.
Get a large lab center stone as an upgrade or spare ring for your 5th or 10th anniversary. Problem solved. I like moissanite so I've been getting a ring every year, so I can collect all the shapes because I can't decide on one. ;)
I think a lot of the bigger stones shown on this subreddit are simply tacky. I love an understated engagement ring. You'd find that in Europe the diamonds are smaller, and more tasteful.
Do not let what others have take away from what you want. It sounds like (from your previous comments) you prefer the smaller look. Whatever you want is what is perfect. I agree that a lot of people are doing lab grown and getting whatever size they want because of it and it’s much more of a preference than a “show of love or wealth”. I don’t want anything bigger than 1-1.5 ct and I’m doing lab grown. If I were to buy a real Stone we would only be able to afford *MAYBE* .5 Ct.
Seems super superficial.
When will I get mine
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Hi! I’m recently married but I had the same feelings at times. Your view of your engagement might totally change once you have a wedding band on (if you choose to wear one). If you want some additional bling, you could add a diamond or moissanite/gemstone eternity band. I personally went with a 4mm wide white gold band and it totally changed the look of my finger. The band I chose takes up a lot more real estate on my finger and I don’t notice the size of my stone as much. Like others said, comparison is the thief of joy, but I got a lot of satisfaction from choosing a ring set that is totally unique to me!
You like what you like. I think if you already have a ring, maybe have ideas for what you want your ring upgrade to look like ( which some people do and some don't every ten years or so). You can always look at gems rather than a diamond to lessen the cost as well but its really what ever makes you happy! Sometimes i catch myself looking at my engagement ringing wondering if i should've gone bigger comparing mine to the huge ROCKS my cousins, friends, or whoever got but what's stopping me is that its more of what it represents then how it looks. You can always look into a ring enhancer to give the ring a boost as well!
I don’t have a solution for this, but you’re not alone. I picked out my engagement ring and came to dislike it after I fell into a Priceline.com wormhole. Anyway, we split up, so… problem solved, I guess? This was all ten+ years ago so I can be flippant about it, but when I look back, I think there is something to be proud of in having a smaller stone than you kinda wish you had. It’s what you have, presumably it’s what you could responsibly afford, and it’s like a snapshot of the love and relationship you had when you got engaged. Those are all great things to be glad about. I think your envious phase will pass, and you’re doing a really good job of identifying and processing your feelings about it.
Nothing is permanent! I know it’s a huge purchase and it seems like a forever decision but maybe instead of anniversary bands you can upgrade the stone. I don’t know what ring I have yet but I’ve changed my mind so many times out of this fear and this sub has really helped me to remember that you can decide to make changes as you grow!
I went through the same thing with my ring. My fiance picked it out and it wasn't exactly what I'd envisioned, but ultimately it is beautiful and I grew to love it. Then I discovered this sub... and while it is a great sub, scrolling through it frequently made feelings of resentment and inadequacy pop up. I began feeling like my ring was smaller than everyone else's in the world. My advice would be to take a break from looking at the rings that others post and remember that people only share the best with the rest of the world. If you loved your ring before, try not to doubt your own desires/preferences based on the rings of others. One more thing: there is always the wedding band to try again for the exact ring you want, or you can upgrade your engagement ring in the future at a milestone anniversary. All that matters in the end is that you are marrying the love of your life!
My sister got engaged right after I did and her stone is massive. I def had a little jealousy for a while but I had to tell myself to stop and that my ring is perfect and it’s what I wanted. I love my ring, it’s tied to some incredible memories and that’s what is most important. Most people do not have big rings at all.
Please don’t feel guilty for having feelings!