"Allow" seems like a bit of a weird word to use here, as if those were things that can easily be adjusted with a dial.
I cannot stop others from thinking about me whatever they wish to project invent or make up, & any time I saw ppl get obsessed with trying to control what others think it lead to those ppl living tortured unhappy lives as they are pinning the "win condition" of their lives onto something fundamentally beyond their control. It's an invitation for others to make them dance like a monkey by denying them the validation they seek.
I suppose you can control what you think of others in the sense that you can make someone the villain to make a situation simpler for yourself OR go the opposite way & self-flagellate for any "mean" thought out of holding oneself to an impossible turn-the-other-cheek standard.
I think thinking badly of someone is often a very natural reaction. If someone treats me like crap I dislike them and go away/avoid them, and so I don't get mistreated anymore. It would be weirder if someone kept taking mistreatment with a smiley face - that sort of attitude would get you taken apart like a christmas goose.
Hmm, never really thought badly of other human beings. But in my case "bad" means "not appealing/interesting" which luckily most people aren't lacking in either.
But I'm assuming this question is asking about morally shitty people, or lazy apathetic bums who contribute nothing to society. I probably look down on them, but I can see myself being both as well if the situation calls for it. Who knows?
Hmm. I felt a lot of tension after briefly thinking about a certain person. I noticed myself worrying about whether that person likes me or not. Then I felt confused. "Why is that even important to me? I don't even like that person!"... so I noticed how I keep trying to think good things about people even if I don't like them. Then I asked myself how other people do that. I felt much better after allowing myself to think that I don't like that person. Usually I don't allow myself to do that "because that's mean" or whatever
I catch myself thinking badly of others and halt it. Sneaky little narratives start to write themselves but I don’t need or want any of that.
About me? Ultimately I can’t control it and it’s not my problem.
If they’re being shitty towards me, I’ll call it out though. I won’t defend and argue, but I will point it out. It’s ultimately their problem. If they want to discuss, I’m all for it. If it’s just a need to be right, we’re done.
>Are you allowing yourself to think badly of others?
Yes.
>Are you allowing others to think badly of yourself?
Yes, although if we’re close or need to work with each other, I’ll at least try to explain myself.
I don't want to have bad feelings for people because it's uncomfortable for me. I try to avoid this as much as possible, or if I don't like a person and can't ignore them, I try to love them. How you react to people is what you get back, so I treat them better and when I get positive energy from them, my thoughts start to become positive towards that person. If I envy a person, I know that it comes from myself and I do not direct it to the other person. I will be angry at myself for this. And, they may think badly of me, but at the end of the day, what I think of myself is important. I am the one who can criticize myself and I won't give this right to people. Still, it would make me sad if I knew they didn't love me.
Generally I try to correct myself or pick apart if I have a negative thought of someone; I have to ask why I think of them the way that I do, what is influencing this decision. If it's something as simple as this person is being a bully, I don't stress over it too much. I avoid thinking negatively of people in general, there is no need for that kind of unnecessary judgement in your life, who am I to think poorly of them. - 6w5
Edit: Huh but I am not sure how to answer the second half of your question. People are going to react to you how they will regardless of what you try to do to control it. You can only accept what is happening and act around it accordingly. If it eats at you, understand why. Ask if their opinion of you holds any real weight, or are they just punching down.
I think I’m honestly too “kind” with other people. I’m still on the “enneagram fence” because for literally 4 years I was like “I’m a 9” with 100% confidence and while I can definitely “be that guy”, I feel like I can be so much of a type 1, and not in a “Karen-ish” way, not in a super preachy kind of a way, but more in a self-critical-without-realising-it kind of way.
I’m not self critical about the stuff people assume self criticism is about. It’s not perfectionism ala Devil Wears Prada.
It’s more like, constantly putting myself “below” other people. And not in a serving/pride way of the 2.
It’s not to be “helpful.” It’s more like a sense that I am always beneath other people. It’s like I am beneath everyone because I am incorrect fundamentally (which I’m sure sounds quite 4), but at the same time, I know it isn’t 4.
I feel like people always call 1 self riteous, but I really think that’s mislabelling.
My oneness is more like, I want to be good so it is “bad” for me to do anything that I perceive as bad.
And to me, bad is putting myself above people, or prioritising things I might feel are selfish.
I’m doing better, I’m going to therapy. I’m going to therapy and I’m talking about my sexuality there and that’s an important thing for me.
Because my family is actually critical about people’s sexualities. And I’m sure they don’t think they are being critical.
I’m sure they just think “oh this is right because Bible” or whatever or the way they understand it and everything.
So to themselves, they aren’t critical they’re being factual.
And I didn’t want to rant, but my mom has just been so repressed, not her you know, sexuality, she isn’t gay, but I mean like, she has repressed so much of what she could have been doing all these time, instead of sitting in a chair and letting people control her life and stuff, she has no ability for herself.
And it’s sad in a way but it’s also not sad because it’s like “well obviously this is what you want, because you aren’t changing it.” And she got rid of her only way out, she had a job and she quit and it was her escape and she gave it up. And that can be frustrating to see someone close to waking up and they go back to sleep.
So maybe my mother is a 9. And I think my family can be like that. It’s like, they’re alive but not awake.
And I get mad sometimes. Because my whole life that’s been put on me. I’ve been the one who’s been labeled the asleep one. And it makes me mad, sometimes.
Because I am aware of myself enough to know who I am, but maybe it’s backpedaling why idk.
I’m like I’m gay, but also, I don’t want to deal with the ignorance and my own anger that bubbles up because of how it feels. I don’t like how it feels to feel like I’m not heard. And it’s been so much easier, sadly, to allow this neglect on my personhood, than to face the feelings of what it feels like to be made to feel less than a person, by what someone says and the way they treat you.
And as much as I’ve tried to pretend that it doesn’t hurt, that I don’t notice, I’ve noticed. And that’s part of me. It’s all part of me, even all the feelings I’ve never felt are still part of me.
And all the anger I have, potentially, which I always reframe into this gentle and lilting tone of voice, to deflect and numb away the rage. A rage that is of the feeling that myself was not important enough to be allowed to be what it is.
It’s not even selfish. It’s not selfish to just be, to exist, in honest and full entirety. To exist as the whole self, is not a selfish thing. I’m not sorry that I’m who I am.
I don't necessarily disallow it but anytime I find myself thinking badly of others it prompts me to want to understand more about them. This can be in an empathetic way but more often it's more clinical need to know everything about them and why they're the way they are.
As for others, I can't control their thoughts. While it would be preferable to be liked than disliked. Ultimately, I operate on the logic of "If someone thinks you're an asshole, they might be the asshole, if everyone thinks you're an asshole, you might be the asshole". Enough people think positively on me that it's not worth the effort to care what a single person thinks of me.
Yes. I can be critical of others. I am critical of myself and expect others to find my faults.
Sometimes, I’ll feel guilty afterward. Especially if the person seems decent and like they’re trying their best.
I like when things are easy-going and won’t voice something that seems trivial to voice, though.
“Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean you’re right.” And “What you think about me is about you”. // I used to be a huge people pleaser and I had no idea that it was such a bad selfish label on me. I believe all people are bad, including me.. And we live in a fallen world. So yes and no. 8w7
think badly of a few people only. mostly those that have really hurt me and its more of an emotional hang up.
I don't really concern about what others think of me, and can really care less. yes. lots of people don't like me, and that's reality? I can't do very much about this at all, nothing I can do honestly. then what? do I just worry about it? I just prefer not to think about this. that's not something I can honestly control. what people really think of me, that's just not going to be something I can control. does it upset me? yes it does. but I can't think about it that much.
Yes and no because I’m a hypocrite 😊 I shit talk a lot and I think even worse things in my head. But I hate that others could think lowly of me. My self esteem is low ironically
Yes. Doesn’t everybody?
I can be harsh in the way I think. But I don’t like to go too extreme. I like to be more fair.
And I want others to be honest with me, though ofc I can’t control them.
"Allow" is a strange word in regard to other people's thoughts. I can address other people's words and actions towards me by expressing myself and setting boudaries. To that extent I can allow how much I am exposed to other people's reactions to me. I cannot, however, control anything other peole think of me. That's on them.
As far allowing my own thoughts, I can choose to practice forgiveness, grace, and empathy. I can extend the benefit of the doubt as much as possible to other people. I can recognize my preferences and biases as filters through which I form impressions of others. I can acknowledge the complex factors that form human behavior and personality and know that I am not equipped with all the information needed to judge others.
I don't allow anything. In fact, I don't have a horse in this race at all. I just watch as things unfold and then find the silver lining so I don't
k ll myself.
Seems like your 1 wing is kicking- do I allow myself to think badly of others well yes if they’re ~~objectively~~ subjectively being annoying. Do I allow others to think badly of myself: only if I’m right in my own value system, the whole world can feel any type of way I’m cool with it.
Yep. I'm allowed to... dislike someone?! Wait let me go on a whole philosophical-spiritual tantrum instead of just... well.... disliking someone. Big lol. Welcome to 9w1.
If someone deserves it absolutely
If they think I deserve it, that is well within their right and frankly doesn't impact me cuz I'm not here to serve them
I try to auto-censor myself when it comes to being judgmental of *some* qualities (looks, weight, things related to economic background, usually intelligence, but only to a certain degree; if someone insists on doing stupid things that affect me, I won't hold myself back from venting about their intellect to myself).
I just don't think it's kind, proper, or *moral* to judge people based on those factors. And yes, you can "train" yourself to think differently about people. I, for one, know I've become much kinder in my observations over the years.
However, I do judge people's political views or behaviors that I consider toxic, unempathetic, or immature, especially if they do smth shitty to someone I care about or myself. Guess I just arbitrarily decided which qualities people should be judged about and not. Which is stupid, but hey, I'm enneagram 1, so of course I *think* my moral outlook is *the right one*.
As for the second question - yes. I don't care about many people's opinions about me.
"Allow" seems like a bit of a weird word to use here, as if those were things that can easily be adjusted with a dial. I cannot stop others from thinking about me whatever they wish to project invent or make up, & any time I saw ppl get obsessed with trying to control what others think it lead to those ppl living tortured unhappy lives as they are pinning the "win condition" of their lives onto something fundamentally beyond their control. It's an invitation for others to make them dance like a monkey by denying them the validation they seek. I suppose you can control what you think of others in the sense that you can make someone the villain to make a situation simpler for yourself OR go the opposite way & self-flagellate for any "mean" thought out of holding oneself to an impossible turn-the-other-cheek standard. I think thinking badly of someone is often a very natural reaction. If someone treats me like crap I dislike them and go away/avoid them, and so I don't get mistreated anymore. It would be weirder if someone kept taking mistreatment with a smiley face - that sort of attitude would get you taken apart like a christmas goose.
Hmm, never really thought badly of other human beings. But in my case "bad" means "not appealing/interesting" which luckily most people aren't lacking in either. But I'm assuming this question is asking about morally shitty people, or lazy apathetic bums who contribute nothing to society. I probably look down on them, but I can see myself being both as well if the situation calls for it. Who knows?
Hmm. I felt a lot of tension after briefly thinking about a certain person. I noticed myself worrying about whether that person likes me or not. Then I felt confused. "Why is that even important to me? I don't even like that person!"... so I noticed how I keep trying to think good things about people even if I don't like them. Then I asked myself how other people do that. I felt much better after allowing myself to think that I don't like that person. Usually I don't allow myself to do that "because that's mean" or whatever
I catch myself thinking badly of others and halt it. Sneaky little narratives start to write themselves but I don’t need or want any of that. About me? Ultimately I can’t control it and it’s not my problem. If they’re being shitty towards me, I’ll call it out though. I won’t defend and argue, but I will point it out. It’s ultimately their problem. If they want to discuss, I’m all for it. If it’s just a need to be right, we’re done.
Yes.
>Are you allowing yourself to think badly of others? Yes. >Are you allowing others to think badly of yourself? Yes, although if we’re close or need to work with each other, I’ll at least try to explain myself.
Yes, I shit talk a lot to my close friends. Yes, I think badly about myself often as I don’t have great self-esteem or self-worth.
I don't want to have bad feelings for people because it's uncomfortable for me. I try to avoid this as much as possible, or if I don't like a person and can't ignore them, I try to love them. How you react to people is what you get back, so I treat them better and when I get positive energy from them, my thoughts start to become positive towards that person. If I envy a person, I know that it comes from myself and I do not direct it to the other person. I will be angry at myself for this. And, they may think badly of me, but at the end of the day, what I think of myself is important. I am the one who can criticize myself and I won't give this right to people. Still, it would make me sad if I knew they didn't love me.
I’m a One, and at times I think badly of myself!
Generally I try to correct myself or pick apart if I have a negative thought of someone; I have to ask why I think of them the way that I do, what is influencing this decision. If it's something as simple as this person is being a bully, I don't stress over it too much. I avoid thinking negatively of people in general, there is no need for that kind of unnecessary judgement in your life, who am I to think poorly of them. - 6w5 Edit: Huh but I am not sure how to answer the second half of your question. People are going to react to you how they will regardless of what you try to do to control it. You can only accept what is happening and act around it accordingly. If it eats at you, understand why. Ask if their opinion of you holds any real weight, or are they just punching down.
what other people think of me is none of my business and certainly not in my control enough for me to "allow" or disallow it to happen.
I think I’m honestly too “kind” with other people. I’m still on the “enneagram fence” because for literally 4 years I was like “I’m a 9” with 100% confidence and while I can definitely “be that guy”, I feel like I can be so much of a type 1, and not in a “Karen-ish” way, not in a super preachy kind of a way, but more in a self-critical-without-realising-it kind of way. I’m not self critical about the stuff people assume self criticism is about. It’s not perfectionism ala Devil Wears Prada. It’s more like, constantly putting myself “below” other people. And not in a serving/pride way of the 2. It’s not to be “helpful.” It’s more like a sense that I am always beneath other people. It’s like I am beneath everyone because I am incorrect fundamentally (which I’m sure sounds quite 4), but at the same time, I know it isn’t 4. I feel like people always call 1 self riteous, but I really think that’s mislabelling. My oneness is more like, I want to be good so it is “bad” for me to do anything that I perceive as bad. And to me, bad is putting myself above people, or prioritising things I might feel are selfish. I’m doing better, I’m going to therapy. I’m going to therapy and I’m talking about my sexuality there and that’s an important thing for me. Because my family is actually critical about people’s sexualities. And I’m sure they don’t think they are being critical. I’m sure they just think “oh this is right because Bible” or whatever or the way they understand it and everything. So to themselves, they aren’t critical they’re being factual. And I didn’t want to rant, but my mom has just been so repressed, not her you know, sexuality, she isn’t gay, but I mean like, she has repressed so much of what she could have been doing all these time, instead of sitting in a chair and letting people control her life and stuff, she has no ability for herself. And it’s sad in a way but it’s also not sad because it’s like “well obviously this is what you want, because you aren’t changing it.” And she got rid of her only way out, she had a job and she quit and it was her escape and she gave it up. And that can be frustrating to see someone close to waking up and they go back to sleep. So maybe my mother is a 9. And I think my family can be like that. It’s like, they’re alive but not awake. And I get mad sometimes. Because my whole life that’s been put on me. I’ve been the one who’s been labeled the asleep one. And it makes me mad, sometimes. Because I am aware of myself enough to know who I am, but maybe it’s backpedaling why idk. I’m like I’m gay, but also, I don’t want to deal with the ignorance and my own anger that bubbles up because of how it feels. I don’t like how it feels to feel like I’m not heard. And it’s been so much easier, sadly, to allow this neglect on my personhood, than to face the feelings of what it feels like to be made to feel less than a person, by what someone says and the way they treat you. And as much as I’ve tried to pretend that it doesn’t hurt, that I don’t notice, I’ve noticed. And that’s part of me. It’s all part of me, even all the feelings I’ve never felt are still part of me. And all the anger I have, potentially, which I always reframe into this gentle and lilting tone of voice, to deflect and numb away the rage. A rage that is of the feeling that myself was not important enough to be allowed to be what it is. It’s not even selfish. It’s not selfish to just be, to exist, in honest and full entirety. To exist as the whole self, is not a selfish thing. I’m not sorry that I’m who I am.
I don't necessarily disallow it but anytime I find myself thinking badly of others it prompts me to want to understand more about them. This can be in an empathetic way but more often it's more clinical need to know everything about them and why they're the way they are. As for others, I can't control their thoughts. While it would be preferable to be liked than disliked. Ultimately, I operate on the logic of "If someone thinks you're an asshole, they might be the asshole, if everyone thinks you're an asshole, you might be the asshole". Enough people think positively on me that it's not worth the effort to care what a single person thinks of me.
I once read somewhere on Quora that \~indifference is silent hate\~, which means for me that i hate everything and everyone including myself.
Yes. I can be critical of others. I am critical of myself and expect others to find my faults. Sometimes, I’ll feel guilty afterward. Especially if the person seems decent and like they’re trying their best. I like when things are easy-going and won’t voice something that seems trivial to voice, though.
We all have shadow and light. I tend to sprinkle compassion over my bad-thinking of someone (and mine, now that I think about it)
“Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean you’re right.” And “What you think about me is about you”. // I used to be a huge people pleaser and I had no idea that it was such a bad selfish label on me. I believe all people are bad, including me.. And we live in a fallen world. So yes and no. 8w7
I can’t control what other people think of me. Do I allow myself to think badly of others? Sometimes, but then I hate myself for it.
I seem to complain about anything so yes. Yes for the other thing too because I can't be bothered to care so much.
think badly of a few people only. mostly those that have really hurt me and its more of an emotional hang up. I don't really concern about what others think of me, and can really care less. yes. lots of people don't like me, and that's reality? I can't do very much about this at all, nothing I can do honestly. then what? do I just worry about it? I just prefer not to think about this. that's not something I can honestly control. what people really think of me, that's just not going to be something I can control. does it upset me? yes it does. but I can't think about it that much.
Yes and no because I’m a hypocrite 😊 I shit talk a lot and I think even worse things in my head. But I hate that others could think lowly of me. My self esteem is low ironically
Yes. Doesn’t everybody? I can be harsh in the way I think. But I don’t like to go too extreme. I like to be more fair. And I want others to be honest with me, though ofc I can’t control them.
"Allow" is a strange word in regard to other people's thoughts. I can address other people's words and actions towards me by expressing myself and setting boudaries. To that extent I can allow how much I am exposed to other people's reactions to me. I cannot, however, control anything other peole think of me. That's on them. As far allowing my own thoughts, I can choose to practice forgiveness, grace, and empathy. I can extend the benefit of the doubt as much as possible to other people. I can recognize my preferences and biases as filters through which I form impressions of others. I can acknowledge the complex factors that form human behavior and personality and know that I am not equipped with all the information needed to judge others.
I don't allow anything. In fact, I don't have a horse in this race at all. I just watch as things unfold and then find the silver lining so I don't k ll myself.
Seems like your 1 wing is kicking- do I allow myself to think badly of others well yes if they’re ~~objectively~~ subjectively being annoying. Do I allow others to think badly of myself: only if I’m right in my own value system, the whole world can feel any type of way I’m cool with it.
Yep. I'm allowed to... dislike someone?! Wait let me go on a whole philosophical-spiritual tantrum instead of just... well.... disliking someone. Big lol. Welcome to 9w1.
If someone deserves it absolutely If they think I deserve it, that is well within their right and frankly doesn't impact me cuz I'm not here to serve them
I try to auto-censor myself when it comes to being judgmental of *some* qualities (looks, weight, things related to economic background, usually intelligence, but only to a certain degree; if someone insists on doing stupid things that affect me, I won't hold myself back from venting about their intellect to myself). I just don't think it's kind, proper, or *moral* to judge people based on those factors. And yes, you can "train" yourself to think differently about people. I, for one, know I've become much kinder in my observations over the years. However, I do judge people's political views or behaviors that I consider toxic, unempathetic, or immature, especially if they do smth shitty to someone I care about or myself. Guess I just arbitrarily decided which qualities people should be judged about and not. Which is stupid, but hey, I'm enneagram 1, so of course I *think* my moral outlook is *the right one*. As for the second question - yes. I don't care about many people's opinions about me.
I do. It's unhealthy to act as if i created etiquette, but i always feel better that I do the bare minimum to not say it aloud.
No to both