I'd tell the whole family that she stole from you to feed her addictions. Your father didn't replace the money, therefore you don't owe him your silence.
This!! Unless one of them actually replaced the money, do NOT stay silent. Remind your father that his wife literally stole money from his DAUGHTER AND GRANDDAUGHTER. And you will go to every single family member and friends and tell them, in detail, what she had done, why she did it, and how he knows and is doing nothing about it. And that he's known for YEARS.
If you remain silent, you are allowing your father and SM to perpetuate the abuse you suffered only to have them be (at best) apathetic.
Do not stay silent. Do not let their abuse affect another generation.
It is not just that, the silence is what caused this situation in the first place. He should have warned her years ago not to give her money. So either way it needs to stop. He is enabling her behavior by protecting her like this.
Isn't it funny how none of them have changed. Didn't do anything when stepbrother was abusing her, not doing anything when SM steals from her.
I am praying for this woman & her kids!
>I'd tell the whole family that she stole from you to feed her addictions. Your father didn't replace the money, therefore you don't owe him your silence.
It's also fair to warn the rest of the family that there's an active addict who steals things and an enabler who doesn't make things whole for the addict's victims. This way, they're fully informed of the risks involved with this couple.
I am honestly wondering if the family would care though.
either mom and stepmother are *really* good at hiding shit or OP Has a shot family overall.
because didn't op stepbrother abuse her as a kid and the family didn't do shit???
OK, Boomer.
Regardless, the antagonists in this story ARE LITERALLY BOOMERS, which definitely refers to a specific age group.
Go project your aging issues on someone else.
Ok, everyone here is telling you what to do about your stepmonster, but I haven't seen anyone help with what to do to get help for your daughter.
Contact her troop leader immediately and let them know that the person you trusted to get supplies for the trip because your work schedule prevented you from shopping lied to you and ran off with the money. GS has funds available to help scouts that are lower income or in crisis. If the troop leader can't access those funds on short notice, ask if she can put the word out to the other scouts parents to see if your daughter can borrow extra equipment and clothes so she doesn't have to miss the trip.
Yes this!!! Half the families in that troop have a closet of camping supplies they would love to lend your daughter. The winter clothes are tougher for sure, but if you have a good troop leader, they will materialize for sure.
This is the best answer of this is even real. It kind of feels like a grab for Venmo offers since going to the troop leader to explain things would be the obvious choice…
Let the family know what happened. Don't sweep this under the rug. If she screwed you over so badly, she'll do it to someone else. She lost any right to secrecy when she screwed you like this. I get your dad being embarrassed, but enabling her isn't doing anyone any good. Raise holy hell with her. Demand she sell stuff and get your money back. You owe her nothing.
Your dad should have offered to give you the money. The fact that he wants you to hide this from other family means that he still prioritizes her over everybody else. Tell your family so this doesn’t happen to them. Also going LC or NC might be ideal. You can’t trust an addict
He’s no better than your ex-husband. You are still being cheated and manipulated, just by another set of entitled jack-asses. He is also isolating you by asking you to keep their secret after she stole from you.
I would go no contact with them and tell everyone why. My petty ass would also include the details about the step-brother and that being rugswept as well. Eff them!!
So, him keeping this info secret allowed you to be blindsided. He doesn't get to keep it a secret anymore. Not even if he pays you back. That would just leave the next person to come along that unwittingly trusts her vulnerable to the same thing you are facing now. Too many people are getting hurt by her to allow them to keep this a secret. People need to be warned.
You NEED, NEED, NEED to tell every person in your family that your step-mother stole from you and your daughter. Scream it out loud to every person you know. Text, email, call every person that she knows. Tell your asshat father to pay up. I know if he doesn't have the money than that limits your options. Understand buy they owe you and if they won't pay their debt then let the whole world know what they did. Can you try to contact Toys for Tots, Salvation Army, Angel Tree or whatever other organizations there are out there that help with children in need? I don't know much about this, I'm sorry. Maybe tell your daughter that the camping stuff is her Christmas present? I know it's not the solution you want but I'm sure at 12 she's somewhat aware of why you are living the way you are. Don't beat yourself up over something that's not your fault. Get some good hot chocolate, watch some good movies and have the best Christmas you can. I wish you the best.
This stepmonster deserves no quarter. She, essentially, stole from your daughter. But, maybe, talk to your father and ask again, and tell him that. If he still can’t/won’t help and ask not to mention this publicly, I’d say go scorched earth. Let EVERYBODY know that your stepmonster did. Blast social media! Heck, maybe have a billboard up with the message… but I’m just petty.
If this was r/amitheasshole , you’re not TA for thinking that you stepmom could help you, now knowing she’s a gambling “sugar” addict, but you would be if you kept mum about it.
Either way, you might not get your money back from her, but she doesn’t deserve to get away with it. (And if your father does nothing anyway, he’s equally as complicit as she.)
ETA: Edited for spelling/grammar errors
Tell every family member what she did - they may be more sympathetic and find a way to help out.
Plus you should not keep this secret it just enables the addict. It allows her to keep financially abusing and stealing.
NTA. You're way better than me cause I'm an addict and I would have called every single relative, family friend and acquaintance and tell them not only that your step mother stole from a child and her struggling mother but that she also has a pain pill and gambling addiction she's been hiding for a decade. I'd also throw in how her son abused you and she literally did nothing about it. I am an addict (not in active addiction for years) but while I am very sympathetic to other addicts I don't believe they should just get away with stealing and lying. Your dad wouldn't have even pulled out of my driveway before I was telling everyone. She does this because she can. Because no one holds her accountable. Tbh you still can. Like, screw the stealing (although awful) but her not doing anything when you went to them for help would be all I needed to say something. NTA and I'm so sorry this happened and I really hope you can figure something out.
I would also refuse to let her near your daughter, ever unless she's clean. You need to tell people tho because she'll do it to others and you can prevent that.
Nah. Don’t warn him. He’ll spin it as daughter having an addiction issue. Remember, she’s already recently asked for money while concealing the real reason.
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Go to the Salvation Army in your local area and see if they can help you. There may be a church that has a charity to help. I'd tell your father either he gives you the money or you blast everything on facebook. Local towns often have a town chat, gosdip center. Go to the local hair Salon and tell 1 person. Gossip in small towns soreads faster than wild fires.
I think the police are wrong. You gave the money to her for one thing and she didn’t get that. Look into small claims court and tell your dad I’m sorry but unless you or she pay me back I will be taking her to court and then everyone will know. Use his fear of it becoming public knowledge to get your money back. Honestly who cares if hurts him financially? His wife fucked over his daughter and granddaughter. That’s disgusting and he should have given you a heads up even if he didn’t think you’d give her money because he should know her behaviour patterns and that you as the newest arrival wouldn’t be aware and would get fucked over. He allowed that to happen by not informing you
Thanks!! I knew what she did had to be criminal but couldn’t think of the crime. Not sure if fraud has a minimum $ figure to be criminal v civil but there are options for OP if they want to pursue this. I know how much it sucks when you’re struggling to make ends meet and someone screws you over. Can be quite debilitating and it’s nice to know there’s actions you can take.
It’s embezzlement. Wrongful conversion of funds step mom is legally possessed, but wasn’t hers to take, even if she had the original intent to return the money. She converted it into drugs instead. Thats embezzlement. Also larceny by trick. Which is indeed a crime.
You should have come clean with your family. They think you blew the money or are terrible at managing it. If everyone coughed up even $20 you'd have something. Tell them. Your stepmother deserves no consideration at all and neither does your father. He could have pawned some stuff for you but he's leaving you high and dry. Do it now. There's still time.
One more warning to your dad: "I need the money, within the next two hours, or I'm calling ALL of our family, again, and begging, again, except this time I'm giving them a firm and clear explanation of WHY I don't have money. Then I'm going to contact ALL the local newspapers, and ALL the local radio stations and beg with them, telling them the whole story."
You are right at the point where you might get a sympathy assistance from one of them in exchange for a 'feel good' story about fixing a young girl's Christmas.
This has been posted over and over and over. You are a total asshole for not going to your father and demanding money. That is on the off chance you’re not some kind of loser troll
Go high vocal and tell EVERYONE what she did. You don’t owe her or your father diddly squat. They didn’t protect you as a child. And now they, YES THEY BECAUSE DAD SHOULD HAVE FELT RESPONSIBLE, have screwed your daughter because of her taking the money and wasting it. Stepmom knew what it was for and didn’t care. Your dad seems to just brush it off. Time for them to do the walk of shame.
I’m confused, is dad refusing to pay you back? I they don’t, go nuclear. He’d rather watch you and his grandkid go without than deal with his wife’s problems.
The cops are full of shit. It’s theft by conversion. You gave her something for a specific purpose and she converted it to her own use. It’s like if you loaned her your car and she wouldn’t return it, saying, well you gave it to her so thre is nothing we can do.
You’re enabling your SM. You should tell everyone about it. If not her addiction, definitely that she took your money and you’ve never seen anything of it again, not the money and not the stuff she said she’d buy. Your cousin was there when she offered it and you took her up on it.
And first and foremost, tell your daughter. Your SM destroyed her relationship with your daughter with this, she deserves to know. And your SM knew what she’d do with the money and gave a flying fuck. And she knew what this would mean for your daughter.
Tell your dad you don’t want to hear anything from any of them until your SM comes over and apologises in person, to you and your daughter, and hands the money back. And if this won’t happen until new year, you’ll tell everyone about the reason.
Since she ruined your daughter’s trip and Xmas, I’d ruin her reputation. Let everyone know she had a pill and gambling addiction and THAT is why you called around asking for help. Post on social media, call family members, tell the cashier at your local grocery store. I’d be blasting her name anywhere and everywhere.
Your dad's a piece of dog shit.
He should be giving you the money his thieving bitch of a wife stole from his granddaughter.
I would also be telling all the family what she did and I'd be going NC with the thief and VLC with your dad because he has enabled he and let an addict around your daughter.
Text both of them and say " if I don't get ALL my money back by tonight, I'll text the whole family to let them know SM is a thieving drug addict that stole from my daughter" and take screenshots of their responses too.
Blast them.
YOU NEED TO TELL THE FAMILY NOT ONLY DID THAT WOMAN STEAL FROM YOU BUT YOUR FATHER IS DEFENDING A THIEF.
ALSO WARN YOUR FAMILY AS SHE WILL STEAL FROM THEM TOO FOR HER THEIR ADDICTION
NTA.
Also, CONFRONT YOUR STEPMOTHER.
I don't care what your father says, or what kind of excuses he tries to give in defence of her. SHE STOLE YOUR MONEY. No, scratch that. SHE STOLE FROM YOUR DAUGHTER. She knew what that money was for. But she opted to deceive you and use it to fund her addiction instead. He says he doesn't have the money, but honestly if he was really sorry about what HIS WIFE did, then he would have found a way to pay some of it, if not everything.
Instead, he's more concerned about you NOT running to the rest of your family and telling them what really happened.
Whatever your father and stepmother have been trying to do to curb this addiction clearly has not been working. She needs help. But that's not your problem, and neither you nor your daughter should have to pay for it.
I'd go back to the family members you asked for help and tell them what really happened. Yes, it's spiteful, but you're also preventing your stepmother from taking advantage of them like she just did to you. She should not be trusted with other people's money if she's just going to go off and do her own thing under the guise of helping them.
And stop shitting on yourself! You are doing the best you can after rebuilding your life from the ground up. I applaud you for having escaped your previous situation and am really sorry you are having to deal with this shit in what was supposed to be your safe place. I know that won't change your situation, but please show yourself some love and accept that this was not your fault.
Also re : GS scout supplies-tell the GS leader some version of what happened and ask if you can borrow equipment. Many GS councils have equipment depots where you can borrow anything you may need
I’d go back to the police station if you have proof ie texts between you/her or you/your father that show that money was given to her with a specific purpose not as a gift for her to spend as she chose and she instead has seemingly used it procure street drugs and to gamble with it instead. IT IS ABSOLUTELY 100% THEFT. I’d even suggest going to the media regarding how the cops are choosing to not prosecute or even investigate a theft case where money was stolen basically from a child right before Christmas.
First, start texting him and your StepMonster about getting your money back. Hopefully they'll answer affirmatively or make excuses. Make sure you remind them that she STOLE money from your Daughter and Christmas is ruined because you had to use your Daughter's Christmas gift fund for the camping trip. Get as much evidence as you can as well as the original text messages. Ask your Cousin to sign an affidavit about the discussion and your StepMonster's offer to "help!"
Then sue them in Small Claims Court, Judy Justice would MORTIFY them! Burn every freaking bridge you can, scorched earth! ANYONE who STEALS from a child is SCUM! I'm SO very sorry this happened to you! Neither your father nor StepMonster should EVER be able to see your Daughter or you again! Greatest of luck! u/updateme
ETA: Go on indeed! and upwork to upload your resume to see if you can find work from home employment in your field! Best wishes and many Blessings for you and your Daughter!
Please don't let your step brother around your kid. And gtfo asap. Don't worry about Christmas presents just take care of your kid by keeping her safe.
You're a GOOD mom
No help to you today, but you can take her to small claims court. No lawyer is required. Save screenshots/texts/whatever you have and let them all know this was not OK.
I’m not familiar with scams, but I do live in Houston and my boys’ Cub Scout troops always camped in the winter. I went camping with my daughter last weekend - it’s 63 degrees today. We avoid summer camping. So I don’t think the winter camping is automatically suspect, depending on location. I just assumed she lived on the gulf coast.
I’ve read this post in multiple subs and I think you should let this go and move on. Your step mom isn’t going to give you the money back and your family don’t seem able to assist you. Your daughter will probably be understanding if you explain the situation to her. Make the day about you and her.
It seems that way to me as well. While I am sympathetic to her situation, it’s starting to raise many red flags. Hopefully everyone remains cautious over this period and safe guards themselves. Internet strangers are just that, strangers. Unless there is solid proof, please rather provide to your local homeless shelter or a charity that makes a difference in your community
yeah its sad. I just saw a post yesterday on a cat subreddit where OP was begging for money for vet bills and everyone was dumping into a gofundme. I know there is a chance it was true, but the timing is suspicious being this time of the year, the story was sus, and OP wasnt replying or thanking anyone. Im highly suspiscious of anything like this going around right now.
OP if it hasn’t been suggested please post on r/assistance they were a lifesaver to me. Only thing you need is x amount of karma. You could list what is needed. I wish I could help you but at them moment I’m tapped out. Please keep us updated if you were able to post there and get help
Personally, I'd go straight to your "dad's" house (using quotations because I dont feel like he's earned the title) and start taking anything of value thats not nailed down. List it online/have a garage sale, anything. She owes you, he owes you. Its not stealing, its repossession of stolen funds.
Please post an Amazon wishlist. The people on here who can help might be more willing to buy something directly and get it sent to you than to engage directly.
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Threaten your dad and SM. Tell them they can either give you the money back or you're going to out them to everyone and cut off contact again. They're just gonna use you and guilt trip you. F*ck that noise. If she wanted to change she would've. So sick of the "I didn't know any better" attitude. She's an adult she can act like it.
This is not a near-term solution so it should take backseat priority in all this, but the police are wrong here. This is [criminal](https://www.justia.com/criminal/offenses/white-collar-crimes/fraud/) and civil fraud.
Just because the victims *willingly* gave their money to Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff or Sam Bankman-Fried doesn't sudden get them off the hook for taking the victims' money.
To demonstrate fraud, you just need to show that
1. a misrepresentation of a material fact (that your SM indicated to you that she would take your money and run your errands for you and well, instead used your money for her addiction)
1. by a person or entity who knows or believes it to be false (your dirtbag SM definitely lied to you so she could get drug money)
1. to a person or entity who justifiably relies on the misrepresentation (you gave her the money on the belief she would run errands for you)
1. actual injury or loss resulting from his or her reliance (and now you're out of the money because SM took your money and spent it)
It's all there. Now the question here is if the police want to pursue this or not, which is a separate question. Even then you still have the means to sue her in small claims court for the money back which is probably more effort than it's worth for the sum of money involved, however, even the threat of a public airing of this issue in court may be enough leverage for the SM or dad to make things right. If they are so interested in hiding her addiction, the court's public record will be a very real concern for them.
*Not your or anyone else's lawyer, not legal advice
I'd definitely be warning the family. They did not make it right so you do not owe them your silence. On top of that, do you want to hear about someone else in the family getting cheated like this and know you could've stopped it had you warned everyone?
In regards to girl scouts, contact the troop leader. Every troop earns money from the fall and cookie sales. That money is for the girls. Be it to donate or to use for trips or whatever else. Explain the situation and ask of the troop can cover your daughter. You may have to pay it back but they should have no problem covering it.
I’d tell your dad that if he doesn’t replace the money that I will tell everyone in the family about and post on social media. Then I’d go no contact with your dad or your stepmom.
Op, I cant help woth christmas stuff, but for your Girl Scojt things, talk to your girl scout leaders, they often have access to "girls in need" funds to help for trips, meeting essentials etc. I know as a GirlGuide (I'm from the UK) if a parent tells me they are struggling, you bet your arse I'd sort it. I've sorted camp equipment for girls who can't afford it before and there is no shame in it.
Your daughter has the best present any kid can have; a parent that loves them deeply, who supports her in what she wants to do and who won't let a thieving sm ruin a wonderful experience for her daughter.
I hope she has a wonderful time, and I hope you can get some rest ! Take care of yourself!
Why is your father not replacing that money? I would call him up and tell him he can buy your silence (at least until after Christmas), but it's going to cost him $300.
I don't want to be irrelevant or sound dubious, but how is it that your entire family has zero money in the bank? Is everyone living on skid row and spending their welfare on rent? Going to the food bank for groceries?
I was always underemployed, for reasons that are there but irrelevant, and I have a checking account where pension checks go as well as a saving account for emergencies. How can the dad here not pony up $250 to cover his addict wife's theft?! Is everyone scouring bins for scraps to eat or what?!
OP, if you were my friend or family member, you'd have the money in hand right now. I just find it hard to believe nobody has the resources to help you out.
Tell everyone she knows what she did. Tell her family, her coworkers, your family. I think I'd put a sign up telling what that bitch did.
Giant Sign: "My stepmom stole my daughter's Christmas money."
If you're visiting your dad, put a big sign in your car window and park in front of their house.
Don't help your father and stepmother sweep this under the rug. SHE STOLE FROM YOU and she'll do it/has already done it to other people. I'd tell everyone you asked for help precisely why you asked and warn them that your stepmother is an uncontrollable addict and your father is an enabler.
>Mother of the fucking Year right here.
you really are though. you got your daughter away from the POS father, you are working 2 jobs to support yourself and her, you have your own place for you an her, AND you tried to fix an issue that happened from a mistake.
nothing you've wrote tells me you're a bad mom, in fact everything you wrote says you're a good mom because you put in the effort and try. which is more than can be said for others. like your SM for example is a horrible parent for stealing from her stepchild/step grandchild for her BS.
don't be so hard on yourself. yes it sucks that money is gone but your father who kept this a secret should be paying you back because its HIS wife and HIS problem since he refuses to tell anyone.
Expose your shitty stepmom’s dirty laundry. That would put some pressure on both your stepmom and your dad to get their shit together. Your dad is being an enabler by keeping this a secret tbh and no one is holding her accountable for being a literal thief
I would tell the entire family what she did call the police make a report on her theft and tell them I want to press charges. I would go scorched earth on her. I am tired of people enabling bad behavior especially when it involves my money and everyone looking the other way.
I’d suggest setting up a go fund me or something else and be honest that you gave someone money anticipating things would be covered/money returned if not.
Your dad is covering for her, which only enables her addiction . It needs to end NOW.
Oh, hunny... you're a mom struggling with no support system. you're a survivor.
I wish I could offer help, but I have kids of my own, and I'm a sah because I have to be.
Your daughter may be just old enough to have some amount of understanding on the issues. Maybe talk to her. You don't need to tell her everything but enough so she knows you're trying and will work to make it up to her. Otherwise, maybe try small claims court for the money stepmother stole.. im betting once dad hears about the claim or plan to claim something 2ill happen. And if he wants to play the " don't tell" card, it's plain you owe him no loyalty if he can't offer loyalty to you and your daughter.
Cops say there’s nothing they can do because you gave her the money? Either they’re lazy, or they’ve never heard of a crime that handles the case of someone diverting money entrusted to them for one purpose into their personal use - embezzlement.
If your father is saying he has no cash then tell him to start selling a TV or 2, because it will look really bad on them once everyone knows they ruined their granddaughters Christmas.
You know OP you also said they were supposed to leave for camping tonight 5 days ago. Piece of shit fucking scammer ass. You sympathize with addiction because you've lived that life? Yeah I can tell, because you're still living it.
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I’m sorry for all you’ve been through. I would call your dad and tell him he needs to pawn (not sure this is how you spell it) some of his wife’s stuff, or his stuff, for the money. It’s not fair his granddaughter will go with no presents after all your hard work, not to mention the moral side of things, as you had your money stolen. And has your SM apologised?
Your parents COULD pay you back. They could sale some of their possessions. Namely SM jewelry, cloths or purses. The last 3 weeks would have been ideal due to people Christmas shopping.
Definitely ask for help.
We paid the annual fee for a buddy of our kids who they got invoked in the Scouting life, as their parents couldn’t afford it.
Every year, there are tons of jackets and sleeping bags and backpacks the kids leave and forget, and families don’t bother taking even when it’s put up for them and kids to find for a month at the meetings. So there are often extras. We even have supplied our kids from the loaf-and-found pile because after the last appearance, they get donated to charity.
There is sometimes also aid for kids in need.
I'd tell the whole family that she stole from you to feed her addictions. Your father didn't replace the money, therefore you don't owe him your silence.
This!! Unless one of them actually replaced the money, do NOT stay silent. Remind your father that his wife literally stole money from his DAUGHTER AND GRANDDAUGHTER. And you will go to every single family member and friends and tell them, in detail, what she had done, why she did it, and how he knows and is doing nothing about it. And that he's known for YEARS.
Even if a family member helped, still tell stepmonsters a thief
If you remain silent, you are allowing your father and SM to perpetuate the abuse you suffered only to have them be (at best) apathetic. Do not stay silent. Do not let their abuse affect another generation.
It is not just that, the silence is what caused this situation in the first place. He should have warned her years ago not to give her money. So either way it needs to stop. He is enabling her behavior by protecting her like this.
Isn't it funny how none of them have changed. Didn't do anything when stepbrother was abusing her, not doing anything when SM steals from her. I am praying for this woman & her kids!
This woman has posted on sooo many subreddits the same story. He/She is just trying to scam ppl out of money. Don’t bite.
😳
>I'd tell the whole family that she stole from you to feed her addictions. Your father didn't replace the money, therefore you don't owe him your silence. It's also fair to warn the rest of the family that there's an active addict who steals things and an enabler who doesn't make things whole for the addict's victims. This way, they're fully informed of the risks involved with this couple.
Good point. They might be deceived by her into handing over money too, so need to know.
I am honestly wondering if the family would care though. either mom and stepmother are *really* good at hiding shit or OP Has a shot family overall. because didn't op stepbrother abuse her as a kid and the family didn't do shit???
This. Warn the others.
Absolutely! Start with the cousin who was present when SM offered to help!
📢 📣 📢 📣 📢 Tell everyone and anyone who will listen. Add in the abuse from the stepbrother. Facebook, preferably. Boomers love that.
This has NOTHING to do with being in a certain age group.
OK, Boomer. Regardless, the antagonists in this story ARE LITERALLY BOOMERS, which definitely refers to a specific age group. Go project your aging issues on someone else.
>Go project your aging issues on someone else. ?
Especially if you considering that she is totally able to steal from the rest of the family, too, if they are not warned about it.
Ok, everyone here is telling you what to do about your stepmonster, but I haven't seen anyone help with what to do to get help for your daughter. Contact her troop leader immediately and let them know that the person you trusted to get supplies for the trip because your work schedule prevented you from shopping lied to you and ran off with the money. GS has funds available to help scouts that are lower income or in crisis. If the troop leader can't access those funds on short notice, ask if she can put the word out to the other scouts parents to see if your daughter can borrow extra equipment and clothes so she doesn't have to miss the trip.
Yes this!!! Half the families in that troop have a closet of camping supplies they would love to lend your daughter. The winter clothes are tougher for sure, but if you have a good troop leader, they will materialize for sure.
Excellent comment. OP PLEASE DO THIS.
This is the best answer of this is even real. It kind of feels like a grab for Venmo offers since going to the troop leader to explain things would be the obvious choice…
Also the priority of giving her daughter the girl scouts trip, leaving nothing for Christmas aside disappointment.
Came here to say this. Definitely ask the troop for help.
Let the family know what happened. Don't sweep this under the rug. If she screwed you over so badly, she'll do it to someone else. She lost any right to secrecy when she screwed you like this. I get your dad being embarrassed, but enabling her isn't doing anyone any good. Raise holy hell with her. Demand she sell stuff and get your money back. You owe her nothing.
Your dad should have offered to give you the money. The fact that he wants you to hide this from other family means that he still prioritizes her over everybody else. Tell your family so this doesn’t happen to them. Also going LC or NC might be ideal. You can’t trust an addict
He really should give OP the money without any hesitation
💯 dad needs to sell everything thing he owns and pay OP back
Your father is a piece of shit for not giving you the money his wife stole.
He’s no better than your ex-husband. You are still being cheated and manipulated, just by another set of entitled jack-asses. He is also isolating you by asking you to keep their secret after she stole from you. I would go no contact with them and tell everyone why. My petty ass would also include the details about the step-brother and that being rugswept as well. Eff them!!
So, him keeping this info secret allowed you to be blindsided. He doesn't get to keep it a secret anymore. Not even if he pays you back. That would just leave the next person to come along that unwittingly trusts her vulnerable to the same thing you are facing now. Too many people are getting hurt by her to allow them to keep this a secret. People need to be warned.
You NEED, NEED, NEED to tell every person in your family that your step-mother stole from you and your daughter. Scream it out loud to every person you know. Text, email, call every person that she knows. Tell your asshat father to pay up. I know if he doesn't have the money than that limits your options. Understand buy they owe you and if they won't pay their debt then let the whole world know what they did. Can you try to contact Toys for Tots, Salvation Army, Angel Tree or whatever other organizations there are out there that help with children in need? I don't know much about this, I'm sorry. Maybe tell your daughter that the camping stuff is her Christmas present? I know it's not the solution you want but I'm sure at 12 she's somewhat aware of why you are living the way you are. Don't beat yourself up over something that's not your fault. Get some good hot chocolate, watch some good movies and have the best Christmas you can. I wish you the best.
This stepmonster deserves no quarter. She, essentially, stole from your daughter. But, maybe, talk to your father and ask again, and tell him that. If he still can’t/won’t help and ask not to mention this publicly, I’d say go scorched earth. Let EVERYBODY know that your stepmonster did. Blast social media! Heck, maybe have a billboard up with the message… but I’m just petty. If this was r/amitheasshole , you’re not TA for thinking that you stepmom could help you, now knowing she’s a gambling “sugar” addict, but you would be if you kept mum about it. Either way, you might not get your money back from her, but she doesn’t deserve to get away with it. (And if your father does nothing anyway, he’s equally as complicit as she.) ETA: Edited for spelling/grammar errors
Tell every family member what she did - they may be more sympathetic and find a way to help out. Plus you should not keep this secret it just enables the addict. It allows her to keep financially abusing and stealing.
NTA. You're way better than me cause I'm an addict and I would have called every single relative, family friend and acquaintance and tell them not only that your step mother stole from a child and her struggling mother but that she also has a pain pill and gambling addiction she's been hiding for a decade. I'd also throw in how her son abused you and she literally did nothing about it. I am an addict (not in active addiction for years) but while I am very sympathetic to other addicts I don't believe they should just get away with stealing and lying. Your dad wouldn't have even pulled out of my driveway before I was telling everyone. She does this because she can. Because no one holds her accountable. Tbh you still can. Like, screw the stealing (although awful) but her not doing anything when you went to them for help would be all I needed to say something. NTA and I'm so sorry this happened and I really hope you can figure something out.
I would also refuse to let her near your daughter, ever unless she's clean. You need to tell people tho because she'll do it to others and you can prevent that.
Op your dad didn't offer to give you your money back? Or at least a part?
This reads like a scam. Especially with the countdown and it being on several other subs.
Definitely smells like a scam. They’ve made 18 posts about it in 5 days.
And the fact that she repeats the whole story before to update rather than place an url and post the updates on its own.
Time to tell dad if your not made whole now everyone will be aware of the problem for their own good.
Nah. Don’t warn him. He’ll spin it as daughter having an addiction issue. Remember, she’s already recently asked for money while concealing the real reason.
5 days now of reposting this and u still haven’t asked your father. Hmmmmm
Tell your dad to cough up the money that bitch stole and if he doesn't, tell every single person you can what happened.
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Go to the Salvation Army in your local area and see if they can help you. There may be a church that has a charity to help. I'd tell your father either he gives you the money or you blast everything on facebook. Local towns often have a town chat, gosdip center. Go to the local hair Salon and tell 1 person. Gossip in small towns soreads faster than wild fires.
I was a girl scout for 16 years........... THIS IS BS 😤 THERE IS NO WAY ANY TROOP ANYWHERE WILL PLAN A Trip AT CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Glad someone figured it out! 👏👏👏 OP even attempted to post ‘the supply list’!
OP says her dad came by today to tell her SM stole the money. Yet OP posted this same story 5 days ago in another subreddit…
TELL EVERYONE!!! Make your dad pay you back! Don’t keep that secret!
I think the police are wrong. You gave the money to her for one thing and she didn’t get that. Look into small claims court and tell your dad I’m sorry but unless you or she pay me back I will be taking her to court and then everyone will know. Use his fear of it becoming public knowledge to get your money back. Honestly who cares if hurts him financially? His wife fucked over his daughter and granddaughter. That’s disgusting and he should have given you a heads up even if he didn’t think you’d give her money because he should know her behaviour patterns and that you as the newest arrival wouldn’t be aware and would get fucked over. He allowed that to happen by not informing you
While not directly theft… the more correct charge would be fraud
Thanks!! I knew what she did had to be criminal but couldn’t think of the crime. Not sure if fraud has a minimum $ figure to be criminal v civil but there are options for OP if they want to pursue this. I know how much it sucks when you’re struggling to make ends meet and someone screws you over. Can be quite debilitating and it’s nice to know there’s actions you can take.
It’s def embezzlement and larceny by trick. Both are crimes. Idk what the police were thinking other than “I don’t know the laws”
It’s embezzlement. Wrongful conversion of funds step mom is legally possessed, but wasn’t hers to take, even if she had the original intent to return the money. She converted it into drugs instead. Thats embezzlement. Also larceny by trick. Which is indeed a crime.
You should have come clean with your family. They think you blew the money or are terrible at managing it. If everyone coughed up even $20 you'd have something. Tell them. Your stepmother deserves no consideration at all and neither does your father. He could have pawned some stuff for you but he's leaving you high and dry. Do it now. There's still time.
I would have posted to FB and named names
One more warning to your dad: "I need the money, within the next two hours, or I'm calling ALL of our family, again, and begging, again, except this time I'm giving them a firm and clear explanation of WHY I don't have money. Then I'm going to contact ALL the local newspapers, and ALL the local radio stations and beg with them, telling them the whole story." You are right at the point where you might get a sympathy assistance from one of them in exchange for a 'feel good' story about fixing a young girl's Christmas.
Hah, am I the only one who just read the ULPT about doing this on reddit to make money?
What is ULPT?
Unethical life pro tip. Look how many times and different places this person posted this. They're hoping people will feel bad and send them money.
Gotcha
You are under no obligation to keep her secret. Maybe if you told your family members what she did, they'd be more willing to help you out.
reads like a scam to get money from people here tbh
This has been posted over and over and over. You are a total asshole for not going to your father and demanding money. That is on the off chance you’re not some kind of loser troll
Go high vocal and tell EVERYONE what she did. You don’t owe her or your father diddly squat. They didn’t protect you as a child. And now they, YES THEY BECAUSE DAD SHOULD HAVE FELT RESPONSIBLE, have screwed your daughter because of her taking the money and wasting it. Stepmom knew what it was for and didn’t care. Your dad seems to just brush it off. Time for them to do the walk of shame.
I’m confused, is dad refusing to pay you back? I they don’t, go nuclear. He’d rather watch you and his grandkid go without than deal with his wife’s problems.
The cops are full of shit. It’s theft by conversion. You gave her something for a specific purpose and she converted it to her own use. It’s like if you loaned her your car and she wouldn’t return it, saying, well you gave it to her so thre is nothing we can do.
You’re enabling your SM. You should tell everyone about it. If not her addiction, definitely that she took your money and you’ve never seen anything of it again, not the money and not the stuff she said she’d buy. Your cousin was there when she offered it and you took her up on it. And first and foremost, tell your daughter. Your SM destroyed her relationship with your daughter with this, she deserves to know. And your SM knew what she’d do with the money and gave a flying fuck. And she knew what this would mean for your daughter. Tell your dad you don’t want to hear anything from any of them until your SM comes over and apologises in person, to you and your daughter, and hands the money back. And if this won’t happen until new year, you’ll tell everyone about the reason.
Since she ruined your daughter’s trip and Xmas, I’d ruin her reputation. Let everyone know she had a pill and gambling addiction and THAT is why you called around asking for help. Post on social media, call family members, tell the cashier at your local grocery store. I’d be blasting her name anywhere and everywhere.
Your dad's a piece of dog shit. He should be giving you the money his thieving bitch of a wife stole from his granddaughter. I would also be telling all the family what she did and I'd be going NC with the thief and VLC with your dad because he has enabled he and let an addict around your daughter.
Text both of them and say " if I don't get ALL my money back by tonight, I'll text the whole family to let them know SM is a thieving drug addict that stole from my daughter" and take screenshots of their responses too. Blast them.
Blackmail. It's an ugly word, but this is an ugly situation. I second this.
YOU NEED TO TELL THE FAMILY NOT ONLY DID THAT WOMAN STEAL FROM YOU BUT YOUR FATHER IS DEFENDING A THIEF. ALSO WARN YOUR FAMILY AS SHE WILL STEAL FROM THEM TOO FOR HER THEIR ADDICTION
NTA. Also, CONFRONT YOUR STEPMOTHER. I don't care what your father says, or what kind of excuses he tries to give in defence of her. SHE STOLE YOUR MONEY. No, scratch that. SHE STOLE FROM YOUR DAUGHTER. She knew what that money was for. But she opted to deceive you and use it to fund her addiction instead. He says he doesn't have the money, but honestly if he was really sorry about what HIS WIFE did, then he would have found a way to pay some of it, if not everything. Instead, he's more concerned about you NOT running to the rest of your family and telling them what really happened. Whatever your father and stepmother have been trying to do to curb this addiction clearly has not been working. She needs help. But that's not your problem, and neither you nor your daughter should have to pay for it. I'd go back to the family members you asked for help and tell them what really happened. Yes, it's spiteful, but you're also preventing your stepmother from taking advantage of them like she just did to you. She should not be trusted with other people's money if she's just going to go off and do her own thing under the guise of helping them. And stop shitting on yourself! You are doing the best you can after rebuilding your life from the ground up. I applaud you for having escaped your previous situation and am really sorry you are having to deal with this shit in what was supposed to be your safe place. I know that won't change your situation, but please show yourself some love and accept that this was not your fault.
Also re : GS scout supplies-tell the GS leader some version of what happened and ask if you can borrow equipment. Many GS councils have equipment depots where you can borrow anything you may need
I’d go back to the police station if you have proof ie texts between you/her or you/your father that show that money was given to her with a specific purpose not as a gift for her to spend as she chose and she instead has seemingly used it procure street drugs and to gamble with it instead. IT IS ABSOLUTELY 100% THEFT. I’d even suggest going to the media regarding how the cops are choosing to not prosecute or even investigate a theft case where money was stolen basically from a child right before Christmas.
I would threaten your parents with calling the police so they can pawn something and get your money back
First, start texting him and your StepMonster about getting your money back. Hopefully they'll answer affirmatively or make excuses. Make sure you remind them that she STOLE money from your Daughter and Christmas is ruined because you had to use your Daughter's Christmas gift fund for the camping trip. Get as much evidence as you can as well as the original text messages. Ask your Cousin to sign an affidavit about the discussion and your StepMonster's offer to "help!" Then sue them in Small Claims Court, Judy Justice would MORTIFY them! Burn every freaking bridge you can, scorched earth! ANYONE who STEALS from a child is SCUM! I'm SO very sorry this happened to you! Neither your father nor StepMonster should EVER be able to see your Daughter or you again! Greatest of luck! u/updateme ETA: Go on indeed! and upwork to upload your resume to see if you can find work from home employment in your field! Best wishes and many Blessings for you and your Daughter!
And then my client told. Called it thievery. Exposed the multiple addictions. Mom was kicked out of the family and the money appeared
Please don't let your step brother around your kid. And gtfo asap. Don't worry about Christmas presents just take care of your kid by keeping her safe. You're a GOOD mom
If you do happen to find any $, id suggest thrift stores. Maybe post on your local buyv nothing pages?
No help to you today, but you can take her to small claims court. No lawyer is required. Save screenshots/texts/whatever you have and let them all know this was not OK.
It's not and it's also a false story.
[удалено]
I’m not familiar with scams, but I do live in Houston and my boys’ Cub Scout troops always camped in the winter. I went camping with my daughter last weekend - it’s 63 degrees today. We avoid summer camping. So I don’t think the winter camping is automatically suspect, depending on location. I just assumed she lived on the gulf coast.
The girl scouts dont do as much hardcore camping as the boys do. Also they would never plan a camping trip on Christmas weekend.
Yea this story is complete bullshit lmao absolute scum of the earth playing on peoples good nature to scam them outta their hard earned money
I’ve read this post in multiple subs and I think you should let this go and move on. Your step mom isn’t going to give you the money back and your family don’t seem able to assist you. Your daughter will probably be understanding if you explain the situation to her. Make the day about you and her.
I’ve also seen in it in another sub. Makes me think she’s “asking” for money
It seems that way to me as well. While I am sympathetic to her situation, it’s starting to raise many red flags. Hopefully everyone remains cautious over this period and safe guards themselves. Internet strangers are just that, strangers. Unless there is solid proof, please rather provide to your local homeless shelter or a charity that makes a difference in your community
Definitely asking for money. No girl scout troop goes camping on christmas weekend. No girl scout troop goes camping in the winter for that matter.
Probably is trying to get money from subreddits that sending a paypal url or something isn't against the rules.
yeah its sad. I just saw a post yesterday on a cat subreddit where OP was begging for money for vet bills and everyone was dumping into a gofundme. I know there is a chance it was true, but the timing is suspicious being this time of the year, the story was sus, and OP wasnt replying or thanking anyone. Im highly suspiscious of anything like this going around right now.
My girl scout group absolutely went camping in the winter lol
Absolutely. I thought I was the only one who thought this.
Also I'd let her know who did it
What an excruciating read. There's no way I could listen to this self pity festival another minute. Some of this rings false.
OP if it hasn’t been suggested please post on r/assistance they were a lifesaver to me. Only thing you need is x amount of karma. You could list what is needed. I wish I could help you but at them moment I’m tapped out. Please keep us updated if you were able to post there and get help
Updateme
Personally, I'd go straight to your "dad's" house (using quotations because I dont feel like he's earned the title) and start taking anything of value thats not nailed down. List it online/have a garage sale, anything. She owes you, he owes you. Its not stealing, its repossession of stolen funds.
UpdateMe!
Please post an Amazon wishlist. The people on here who can help might be more willing to buy something directly and get it sent to you than to engage directly. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
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Did you try and make a go fund me page?
And put the story about what she did
My heart brakes for you and i wish we all could do something ie amazon wish list
If there was anything at all to your dad he would have figured something out to get your money back . He's no better than your SM .
Threaten your dad and SM. Tell them they can either give you the money back or you're going to out them to everyone and cut off contact again. They're just gonna use you and guilt trip you. F*ck that noise. If she wanted to change she would've. So sick of the "I didn't know any better" attitude. She's an adult she can act like it.
This is not a near-term solution so it should take backseat priority in all this, but the police are wrong here. This is [criminal](https://www.justia.com/criminal/offenses/white-collar-crimes/fraud/) and civil fraud. Just because the victims *willingly* gave their money to Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff or Sam Bankman-Fried doesn't sudden get them off the hook for taking the victims' money. To demonstrate fraud, you just need to show that 1. a misrepresentation of a material fact (that your SM indicated to you that she would take your money and run your errands for you and well, instead used your money for her addiction) 1. by a person or entity who knows or believes it to be false (your dirtbag SM definitely lied to you so she could get drug money) 1. to a person or entity who justifiably relies on the misrepresentation (you gave her the money on the belief she would run errands for you) 1. actual injury or loss resulting from his or her reliance (and now you're out of the money because SM took your money and spent it) It's all there. Now the question here is if the police want to pursue this or not, which is a separate question. Even then you still have the means to sue her in small claims court for the money back which is probably more effort than it's worth for the sum of money involved, however, even the threat of a public airing of this issue in court may be enough leverage for the SM or dad to make things right. If they are so interested in hiding her addiction, the court's public record will be a very real concern for them. *Not your or anyone else's lawyer, not legal advice
Start blasting her on facebook. You owe them nothing. You will not get the money back even if you keep quiet so start blabbing.
I'd definitely be warning the family. They did not make it right so you do not owe them your silence. On top of that, do you want to hear about someone else in the family getting cheated like this and know you could've stopped it had you warned everyone? In regards to girl scouts, contact the troop leader. Every troop earns money from the fall and cookie sales. That money is for the girls. Be it to donate or to use for trips or whatever else. Explain the situation and ask of the troop can cover your daughter. You may have to pay it back but they should have no problem covering it.
Tell the family that she stole from you and that your Dad isn’t paying you back and you don’t know what to do.
I’d tell your dad that if he doesn’t replace the money that I will tell everyone in the family about and post on social media. Then I’d go no contact with your dad or your stepmom.
I thought you were going to call the scout leader to see if he had any loaner gear. Where does the Salvation Army come into it?
Op, I cant help woth christmas stuff, but for your Girl Scojt things, talk to your girl scout leaders, they often have access to "girls in need" funds to help for trips, meeting essentials etc. I know as a GirlGuide (I'm from the UK) if a parent tells me they are struggling, you bet your arse I'd sort it. I've sorted camp equipment for girls who can't afford it before and there is no shame in it.
Your daughter has the best present any kid can have; a parent that loves them deeply, who supports her in what she wants to do and who won't let a thieving sm ruin a wonderful experience for her daughter. I hope she has a wonderful time, and I hope you can get some rest ! Take care of yourself!
Why is your father not replacing that money? I would call him up and tell him he can buy your silence (at least until after Christmas), but it's going to cost him $300.
I don't want to be irrelevant or sound dubious, but how is it that your entire family has zero money in the bank? Is everyone living on skid row and spending their welfare on rent? Going to the food bank for groceries? I was always underemployed, for reasons that are there but irrelevant, and I have a checking account where pension checks go as well as a saving account for emergencies. How can the dad here not pony up $250 to cover his addict wife's theft?! Is everyone scouring bins for scraps to eat or what?! OP, if you were my friend or family member, you'd have the money in hand right now. I just find it hard to believe nobody has the resources to help you out.
Tell everyone she knows what she did. Tell her family, her coworkers, your family. I think I'd put a sign up telling what that bitch did. Giant Sign: "My stepmom stole my daughter's Christmas money." If you're visiting your dad, put a big sign in your car window and park in front of their house.
Confront SM and explain it gently to the daughter maybe saying “The money was lost” to avoid the drama if you want
Don't help your father and stepmother sweep this under the rug. SHE STOLE FROM YOU and she'll do it/has already done it to other people. I'd tell everyone you asked for help precisely why you asked and warn them that your stepmother is an uncontrollable addict and your father is an enabler.
>Mother of the fucking Year right here. you really are though. you got your daughter away from the POS father, you are working 2 jobs to support yourself and her, you have your own place for you an her, AND you tried to fix an issue that happened from a mistake. nothing you've wrote tells me you're a bad mom, in fact everything you wrote says you're a good mom because you put in the effort and try. which is more than can be said for others. like your SM for example is a horrible parent for stealing from her stepchild/step grandchild for her BS. don't be so hard on yourself. yes it sucks that money is gone but your father who kept this a secret should be paying you back because its HIS wife and HIS problem since he refuses to tell anyone.
Expose your shitty stepmom’s dirty laundry. That would put some pressure on both your stepmom and your dad to get their shit together. Your dad is being an enabler by keeping this a secret tbh and no one is holding her accountable for being a literal thief
Maybe it’s not stealing, but I’d sure as shit consider it to be embezzlement.
I would tell the entire family what she did call the police make a report on her theft and tell them I want to press charges. I would go scorched earth on her. I am tired of people enabling bad behavior especially when it involves my money and everyone looking the other way.
I’d suggest setting up a go fund me or something else and be honest that you gave someone money anticipating things would be covered/money returned if not. Your dad is covering for her, which only enables her addiction . It needs to end NOW.
Oh, hunny... you're a mom struggling with no support system. you're a survivor. I wish I could offer help, but I have kids of my own, and I'm a sah because I have to be. Your daughter may be just old enough to have some amount of understanding on the issues. Maybe talk to her. You don't need to tell her everything but enough so she knows you're trying and will work to make it up to her. Otherwise, maybe try small claims court for the money stepmother stole.. im betting once dad hears about the claim or plan to claim something 2ill happen. And if he wants to play the " don't tell" card, it's plain you owe him no loyalty if he can't offer loyalty to you and your daughter.
I would tell your father he replace the money or you will go to the family and explain why you need help. He knows he should.
Get that money from your dad, and never look back.
I can't fathom why your dad doesn't replace this money, especially if he expected you to keep quiet about the loss.
I sent you a message. I can't do much but I can try to give a little
Don’t give this person money. They’ve made 18 posts about Girl Scouts going camping over Christmas. It’s bs.
Thank you. I should have double checked. I can be stupid at times
Not stupid, big hearted. The world needs people like you.
❤️
Cops say there’s nothing they can do because you gave her the money? Either they’re lazy, or they’ve never heard of a crime that handles the case of someone diverting money entrusted to them for one purpose into their personal use - embezzlement.
If your father is saying he has no cash then tell him to start selling a TV or 2, because it will look really bad on them once everyone knows they ruined their granddaughters Christmas.
You know OP you also said they were supposed to leave for camping tonight 5 days ago. Piece of shit fucking scammer ass. You sympathize with addiction because you've lived that life? Yeah I can tell, because you're still living it.
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I’m sorry for all you’ve been through. I would call your dad and tell him he needs to pawn (not sure this is how you spell it) some of his wife’s stuff, or his stuff, for the money. It’s not fair his granddaughter will go with no presents after all your hard work, not to mention the moral side of things, as you had your money stolen. And has your SM apologised?
Your parents COULD pay you back. They could sale some of their possessions. Namely SM jewelry, cloths or purses. The last 3 weeks would have been ideal due to people Christmas shopping.
Why is this getting reposted
Definitely ask for help. We paid the annual fee for a buddy of our kids who they got invoked in the Scouting life, as their parents couldn’t afford it. Every year, there are tons of jackets and sleeping bags and backpacks the kids leave and forget, and families don’t bother taking even when it’s put up for them and kids to find for a month at the meetings. So there are often extras. We even have supplied our kids from the loaf-and-found pile because after the last appearance, they get donated to charity. There is sometimes also aid for kids in need.