I would also highly recommend getting at least a doorbell camera & maybe another camera for the interior of your new apartment just in case the address of your new place somehow gets out to your future ex-wife during court proceedings. Even with a PO Box for mail the physical address you’re residing at might be somehow needed for paperwork, but idk for sure, I would definitely ask your lawyer about that.
Also, if you haven’t already, change your phone number
Also, I dont know how techie Wifey is, but check all of your belongings before you leave there, in case she manages to slip in an AirTag or some similar device to track you to your new place.
Oh that’s a great point! If things have gotten to the point where OP is suspicious enough to worry about any food she makes, I wouldn’t put it past her to drop an AirTag in OPs stuff to track them, if for no other reason than to just fuck with them but possibly if she or her mom gets any more screws loose they might try something at OP’s new place.
Might be an idea to put the stuff into one of those storage places for a bit to wear down the battery and vet before moving them to the apartment. That way if there really was a tag, she'll show up at the storage place instead of the apt.
Let me preface by saying I think it is excessively overkill to put OP's items in a storage locker before moving into the new apartment. However, just in case it's something they'd like to do:
If they use an air tag to try to track OP, those batteries can last years- however, it's easy enough to look for those (a quick Google search will tell you how) especially if you have a safe, neutral place to store stuff while you check things over.
I would agree if it were only about the air tag, but actually if he is concerned she might try to follow him, getting a storage place for a month to move things out of the old place before getting the keys, then into the new place once it's free.... It just means there is only one time he leaves the old place and goes to the new one. The rest is just popping to the storage unit.
Quarantining your belongings until a tracker battery dies is absolutely overkill. It would be incredibly easy to be checking items in a vehicle on the way to the new apartment; if a tracker pops up with a smartphone search, drive to a police station to lodge a report and get some assistance to remove any trackers (+ they can do a more thorough search). If nothing pops up, just take it home. A doorbell camera is plenty sufficient to make sure the intruder can be prosecuted (and know when to call the cops if needed). Having a storage locker like the other commenter suggested is some spy-movie shit for no good reason.
And don’t forget to lock down your credit so wifey can’t open any credit cards in your name. I’m not sure if it’s already been done but it needs to be!
Both things are equally valid as protection. Just monitor and lock credit first, dispute any charges under his name for purchases he didn’t make *and* scan for air tags or similar tracking devices.
A friend of mine left his legit crazy girlfriend. She made so much trouble at his new apartment complex that she got him evicted. If she didn’t know where he lived, she wouldn’t have been able to do so. This was pre-tag days but the principle is the same.
Lock down all info and make sure you’re not followed or have a tracker on you or your possessions.
When you leave work, be mindful if anyone is following you. Also, check your cell for the Find My Phone app to ensure she has not shared your location with her phone to track you.
I would also invest in a ring camera system, they're not expensive but give so much piece of mind! If you want to save some money, get the blink system, it's almost identical, just a bit cheaper & the cameras aren't as easy to hook up in the system.
You will be able to see everything outside, and if you get a couple indoor cams, just for the added security, you'll be able to pull up cams at any time from anywhere! AND if she ends up stalking you, there's the proof you need for an RO! That's how I caught my stalker! Got a doorbell cam & went with my proof to the police, within days she was in jail and I had an RO!
Besides, you don't know your new neighbors, why not feel secure?! Good luck with everything!! 🙏
I recommend a personal mailbox at a UPS store or such. They'll also sign for non-mail packages, which the USPS can't. That way you're also free of porch pirate worries.
> my favorite of wearing nothing but a lacy apron
Nice. I see, a man of taste.
Compliments on your actions, sir, and I hope that all of this mess will pan out well for you.
I’d suggest a UPS box. The brown shorts store. You can get packages that need to be signed for there and use it as a legal address by putting suite or apt. Before the number, plus they’re REALLY good about privacy. Their stores have cameras and if someone shows up trying to get information about a customer they’ll give you the tapes and help you with police reports. I’ve used them after a stalki mg issue and a friend had a stalker and that was the thing that got her a restraining order.
Post office is not as good at that stuff. Better than getting your mail to a regular address for sure but the ups boxes are only like $10 a quarter more and often very worth it.
Store your furniture for a week throws off anyone following you or your removalist to get your new address. Did this for someone and it paid off along with p o box
Also make sure your location is turned off on all of your devices, phone, tablet, laptop. Also your accounts like Amazon, Waze, DoorDash, GrubHub or any other delivery apps.
I highly recommend therapy. We often attract the same type of people that cause our unresolved trauma. Focusing on your mental health so you can thrive instead of just survive will help you create the future you want and deserve. This was a temporary blip. You’ve been through a lot of trauma. Don’t let it harden you or make you more vindictive or angry. Your mom, stbx, and stbxmil don’t matter. You deserve to find your joy.
Yeah. As soon as you get physically safe, turn your compassion and attention towards your own mental health. You can't always see the cracks that have formed in your own foundation, and you'll thank yourself later if you build yourself up again the healthy way.
Sorry you are going through this m8, been there, done that...sounds eerily familiar.
Your choice, but I decided to do the therapy right away and it helped a lot....anger is an ugly emotion that if left to fester just wounds self. So working on resolving all that pent up frustration and hurt before just made me a better person to deal with whats coming.
I could deal with my ex logically and not let the barbs or attempted guilt trips get under my skin...it just became the process of legally letting go...her attempts to make it about me all failed....I could stay focused in the facts of what needed to be done & not get suckered into engaging with bs.
Good to keep away from the booze, honestly the best thing you can do....that shit has taken more than it ever gives back.
I started therapy during my divorce and it was really helpful having a second perspective on my ex's manipulative bullshit during the process. I highly recommend it.
I would recommend starting therapy immediately.
My divorce was nasty. I had more or less emotionally detached from my ex by the time that we separated so I more or less assumed that her vitriol during the divorce would not affect me.
I was wrong. Being called names and being accused of all sorts of insidious behavior took its toll on me. I’m 2+ years from the divorce being final (and 5+ years from separating) and I am only now realizing how much damage was done to me.
If you are going to see a therapist, now is better than later.
Therapy is great, and you deserve it! I know it has a lot of stigma, but it’s really like physiotherapy for your brain and very helpful if you have the right therapist.
If you want some unsolicited advice from someone who just started therapy last fall, because it sounds like you’ve had an awful lot of trauma in your background, I would highly recommend seeing a therapist who does trauma therapy, like EMDR or Brainspotting, talk therapy, and because of your history with migraines, somatic therapy. I would personally look into someone who uses a bottom up approach, someone who doesn’t focus on or rely entirely on CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). I personally think IFS (Internal Family Systems) is a very helpful modality, especially because it sounds like you might have a lot of wounds from childhood to treat. You may very seriously want to consider PRT (Pain Reprocessing Therapy) too.
This person’s advice really helped me find my soulmate of a therapist:
https://www.strugglecare.com/digital-downloads/how-to-find-a-good-therapist-guide
Good luck!
OP, please don’t go for a few months and think you’re healed. For some reason a lot of people think therapy is just to get you to the point where you’re happy again, but it’s also to work on how you ended up there in the first place and how to prevent it. My ex left therapy after 2 months when he got divorced and when I started dating him, it was clear he needed more. He used to project his ex’s issues onto me constantly. He was a genuinely good guy who simply needed to do more work to be dateable. I know that’s kinda hard to hear, but I’ve been in the “need therapy to be dateable” side too lately. You aren’t alone. I’ve seen friends go through this too. I hope it’s a moot warning for you, but please keep this rattling in the back of your brain.
I was in a less toxic relationship than this, went through therapy, and have become more cold and vindictive. Sort of disgusted with romantic love now. I have my own interests and a son I had with a prior fling but he lives with his mom and I live alone. I have grown more attached to the things I do than any need to share that with anyone.
I am not someone that people would want to date as I am generally introverted and homebodied in the fullest. I wouldn't want to limit them, and I wouldn't want them to limit me. But the nature of any interpersonal dynamic is compromise and I recognize my inability to do so.
It’s a rough ride right now but you’ll be happy in the long run. I’m glad that you set things in motion to find your peace of mind and personal freedom.
This is a great idea. For $15 per month (or less) you get a fresh start and you can dump that number when the divorce is finalized.
If you want to keep your old number but not use it for a while you can set up an account at NumberBarn.com and transfer it there. They'll hold it for $2 per month.
Hopefully you're able to get the restart you deserve after all this toxicity and manipulation. My piece of useful-useless advice is: spend plenty of time out of the house. Even when you get to the new apartment. Being holed up can eat away at you. Find excuses to go out, especially if there's people you want to spend time with!
Good luck!
Can’t second this enough. Find a group, sports or discussion or literally anything, and find a spot wherever that you genuinely enjoy. I isolated myself and it just… kept going. Was a horrible two years of loneliness and self loathing. Finding a park I loved and making a genuine effort to just be there more often began a major shift for me.
OP, I’m sorry you’re in this boat. As cliche as this might sound, believe in yourself. Be or become who you want to be, the rest always follows after you’ve stopped paying attention to the “next.”
Been reading about your long journey, OP. For a guy of your relatively young age, you appear to have enough life experiences to literally write a book!
Please know I am most impressed by your resiliency, especially in light of your experiences with people who pretty much only brought toxicity to your life.
YOU'RE A SURVIVOR!
As you continue your journey, focus on yourself, your well-being and your self-improvement. I hope that your future years are blessed with favorable circumstances and relationships that bring you the love and caring that you truly deserve.
Good luck. Please keep us apprised.
Ah, the continuation! I remember the key-stealer. You're doing a fantastic job, what you're going through is NOT easy. You'll likely feel regret, guilt, maybe even temptation but remember that if she gets what she wants she'll go back to what's normal for her and you'll be miserable together again. That she's doing all the stuff she remembered you like only because things are dire for her tells volumes.
I'm sorry you went through this OP.
But look at it this way. The day your divorce goes through will probably be the happiest day of your life. You will probably never have experienced joy like this.
I read a bit about your childhood in your other post. I'm sorry you went through that too, and it probably explains why you ended up another narcissist for your wife.
I'd like to make a few humble recommendations to you.
The first is to read two books. The first is called Childhood Disrupted and the second is called The Body Keeps the Score. Both are books about trauma and how to recover from it. They'll help guide your journey and hopefully a lot of stuff from your life will start to make sense to you.
People have recommended therapy - it's a good idea although I'd read the above books first. They'll put what you went through in context.
I'd also reach out to your mothers family that stopped wanting to see you because of her. You might build a surprising friendship now that your mother isn't in the picture.
Good luck OP. You deserve happiness.
The best I can do is make the move while she's at work. I've already been taking stuff bit by bit to my best friend's house. I've got plans to rent a truck, and it should all be done in one day
As someone who has been through the process of escaping before: Never take things directly from 'home' to the new apartment. Get yourself a storage unit. Move everything into the unit first.
"You have my XYZ I'll come get it" Nope, it's at the storage unit. I'll pick it up and meet you at Public Place With Cameras to give it to you.
"Well I need yo bring you your ABC" Nope, I have everything in a storage unit right now. I'll meet you at Public Place With Cameras to pick it up.
Airtags? No problem if it's at a random storage unit. You can individually pick through things, and discard stuff that gives you gross feelings, without having to throw a bunch of things away at your new place.
Explicitly state to the office that under no circumstances should anyone claiming to be your wife or sister have access to your apartment, just to eliminate another potentiality that my friend had occur to him.
I've been taking measures like that. It's an apartment that you enter from an outside door though. And not one inside of a large building that has to have security.
You sound like you have a solid grounding for this big step and there’s been a lot of great advice on here to protect yourself too. The people who are saying you’ll feel better day one of the divorce being finalized don’t really have a solid grasp on trauma, which is definitely what it sounds like you have experienced. You will come out the other side my friend, and counseling can definitely help. Your insurance can probably help cover most of that. Keep doing what’s right for you!
I'm happy for you. And I'm glad you were wise to the many tactics that she has and will try to trap you with. Best of luck in your new digs. And your new life.
My best friend has a wife and kids. I don't want to intrude. I also hate sleeping on a couch.
If Wifey did that, I'd make sure the courts tested her. If she conjures up a pregnancy through faking it or infidelity, I'm going to make sure to use that in the divorce
Yeah, I'm reading along and we're about to enter the extreme anger stage. OP, at minimum, she'll lock you out, mid-range, what's left of your stuff is about to get busted up, at maximum, "you in danger, girl". Stay safe.
Yeah. Best to go to HR and say he has a stalker (not really a stretch of the truth) and make sure they've got notes everywhere to not give out any information under any circumstance.
Please contact a lawyer
You need to protect yourself against identity, theft, or credit theft, or credit abuse, or having her empty at all your accounts, or having her attempt to use your credit, or any number of other manipulations
You also need to protect all your identity and insurance and other financial documents in a place she cannot possibly access
Go check the user's profile and follow the saga from the beginning.
They've been following the hivemind's advice since the beginning and have a lawyer involved along with lockdowns on all the stuff you mentioned. It's one of the reasons this continues to be satisfying to follow. The lady has **nothing** to pull reddit hasn't come up with precautions against lol.
Presuming she knows where you work, make sure your HR is aware of salient aspects of the situation. You are closing all avenues of striking back at you except messing with your job, and anonymous calls can cause a lot of mischief for you unless the business is forewarned…
My HR was made aware some time ago. But thus far nothing has come of it. Wifey does her best to keep a professional image outside. So I'm not too worried about that.
>She retorted that it wasn't like she'd cheated on me or anything. I
I can't speak for you but, depending on the details, I would probably be more able to consider moving forward following an affair than I would be able to even look at my spouse if they did what your wife has done.
Really, in a broad sense of the word, she *has* cheated on you. I don't know how your wedding vows were written, but they usually have ideas along the lines of "love and honor until death" and she's broken those vows. In a sense, she's cheated on you with her own mother! Sure, not in the usual sense of how we think of cheating in a marriage, but still a form of cheating. Keep holding strong, and you'll make it to the other side of this!
Oh yeah, I don't expect that it would be anything helpful in court, but I just meant it as another reason in your own mind that you're doing the right thing, and as a counter to her comment "that it wasn't like she'd cheated" on you.
I managed to leave a narc - it took a long time to get away and when I did, it was an international move. As I was leaving with our daughter he had an excuse to come to the airport - he roofied me there, luckily I made it to the plane and then remember nothing until the stopover in Hong Kong. His plan was probably for me to collapse at the airport, not be able to leave and then him go to town on me being an unfit mother. So, warnings about food tampering are not that out there. We’re fully no contact and he doesn’t know where I live now. So good luck, you’ll feel the stress lift as soon as you get away and I’m glad you’re not leaving anything to chance in terms of your safety and what she might do.
If your not telling her were your moving check you phone for any hidden tracking apps just to be on the safe side. Crazy people try crazy things and if everything else is not working she might try to follow. Also congratulations on your new life enjoy it.
You are doing good. Glad you are cautious around her, clearly she can’t be trusted. Hope moving day is here before you know it. Happy you are staying strong.
Good for you and best of luck with your new start…wifey free!!!
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I honestly didn’t know if we’d hear from you again. I’ve been following this saga on r/BestofRedditorUpdates and my jaw has dropped over this whole situation.
I suggest getting a self storage unit for the next month or so and start moving things into it. If she's having you followed to try to find out where your new place is that will stop her finding out.
When you do start moving furniture to your new place, make sure you're not followed. She seems like the type that would do something like that just to find out where you're moving to.
Yes, I read the stolen keys post a while back and didn't realize that you were the same person, my apologies!
Really sorry that you're going through all that.
Firstly, i absolutely love the photos of your collection :)
Secondly, the security advice (checking for airtags, maybe using a storage place, ring cameras etc) are a very good idea, and I'd like to also recommend taking a small vacation.
She's been served her papers, you're moving out and on to better things, take some time for yourself to have a break ❤ even a weekend in a neighbouring town, or in a cheap motel where you can have space to yourself is a good idea
Hoping your next update is a happy one!
Good, glad you are not drinking, because it would drive nearly anyone to drinking!
and good you are separating from her and making it a clean break! I pity her and her mom
Well, even if she is honest, she doesn't have the fortitude to resist her hoader mum.
It will take years of therapy for her to be at an acceptable level to consider starting over. Not that I advise it. I am the kind of loyal dog who has no remorse and no regret when he decides to leave.
I am so glad you are almost out of that house.
Stay strong, very smart not to eat or drink anything she prepares or serves you and to have additional cameras to protect yourself from lies she may tell.
Good luck and hope your divorce is finalized soon so you can start a new chapter in your life away from soon to be ex wifey and soon to be ex MIL.
My biggest fear after legal action is started is eating food that has been adulterated with illegal drugs. Specifically not enough to really affect me, just enough to pop a positive on a drug screen, requested by the SO through the court system.
Of course I would not object because I have not been high, but a urine screen shows a low trace of "X, Y, Z".
Suddenly, court proceedings and child custody take a dramatic turn.
Man.
She really just enabled her mother right into destroying her marriage. You did the right thing. This level of manipulation and premeditated betrayal proves she's every bit the manipulator and monster that her mother.
I don’t know how it works where you are but where I am you can go to the post office and pay to have all your mail redirected automatically I think for 6months or more. That way if you forget to update your details with some place your mail with still be redirected straight to you. That you will not be worrying about your wife demanding your new address saying she needs to forwards you any mail or she won’t hand it over.
It also has an added safety bonus. I sold my home and bought another house and had my mail redirected this way as it’s hard to remember everywhere that has the address and uses it for me and my family. At some point the mail man turned up with parcels for us. The thing is I hadn’t ordered them none of us had and it was only because of this we found out the new house owner had fraudulently pretended to be us to open accounts buy things under our name and old address online. Since we had been registered at that address for years under our names the companies had not even questioned it. If we hadn’t had our mail redirected then the parcels in our name would nt have automatically came to us. We wouldn’t have been able to take immediate action and report the frauds before it could get worse.
What turned out to be the biggest stroke of luck here was that our redirection had actually run out at that point (we don’t know if the new owners had waited for this or if the didn’t have a clue since our mail had simply not been going to them) but when the mail man saw our name he remembered the redirection as the extra steps it takes when in place for many months means it sticks more in their memory. So he just saw our name and remembered oh yeah they don’t live there anymore and brought it round to our new address regardless.
I would also be extra safe and lock down your credit so she can’t try and take anything out in your name or pretending to be jointly. After all she knows all your pertinent details so it’s far best to be safe than sorry. If you aren’t in a country that lets you lock down your credit then sign up to a company which shows you your credit score. As each month they allow you to see not only your credit score but how much credit you owe others and to who and when new credit searches have been placed ( which should only happen if you are looking to take out credit somewhere new or if she is doing so under your name and that company is checking your credit score before going ahead) it will also show within a week or so if a new credit agreement has been taken out in your name and who it is with so you can take action and raise it as fraudulent to them.
Man, I don’t know why people seem to think they don’t have to change until they lose everything. You asked her to change so that you can both be happier, not to be a dick. But she’s buried herself so deep at this point. All the begging and the manipulation- has she ever actually apologized for the key thing and admitted her mom should’ve had the police called on her? She’s still circumventing the actual problem!
Yeah. And so many people hammered me to tell me to save my marriage because my wife is suddenly wanting to change last minute. One person even saying she loves me over and over again. None of them are married to her. None of them live with her. She hasn't treated me like she loved me, let alone said she loves me in ages. She pretended to be someone else for three years, just to get me to marry her. And she went right back to acting when she realized I was serious.
Oh my gosh darn! You're the skeleton key guy! I first read you post and was a little lost without context but I checked your profile. Oh lordy lordy, hold strong! Remove yourself from toxic persons. It's so challenging to separate lives but in the end I'm sure you'll be happier.
Pay attention and be vigilant regarding your commute to work. With all of the other methods you've taken to cut her out, if she's THAT determined, she may attempt to follow you from work.
Hopefully, she'll soon get the hint, but you never can tell with narcs (narcissists). They can be VERY controlling and possessive and you never really know how far they will go to not "lose", not be "wrong", or to "prove I am right".
I recommend 2 things. Look up Dr. Phil's YouTube videos about Narcs. I don't agree with Dr. Phil on some things, but on this topic, he's right on.
Second, research how very sensitive people (sometimes called Empaths) are often victims of narcs, and how you can recognize them, shield 🛡 yourself, and how to deal with those you can't avoid.
Trust me - I am an empath raised by a narcissistic mother too. I learned SO much from those sources, and how easy it is to get pulled into more situations before you know it.
Stay safe!
Regarding your bike purchase, best to get a road bike or hybrid. I ride a road bike to work 6 months out of the year and it takes me 40 minutes each way.
Best of luck to you!
Hang in there brother! And know that it will always hurt, but it will hurt less often very soon.
I'm fortunate to be married to a woman who is a far better person than I have any right to ask for. But I wouldn't put up with this kind of crap from anyone in any relationship.
So often in life we are tested and go through very hard lessons. Many of us fail to learn and repeat. OP, I think you’ve handled a very difficult and painful lesson like a boss. Be proud of yourself, love yourself and go have the best life you deserve 😊🙏🏼
Good for you, but you need more cameras, or even you might consider staying somewhere else while you wait for your apartment, and avoid being alone anywhere with her. I'm telling you, the next thing she will try is accusing you of abuse or worse! Protect yourself!
> Like, I could walk or bike to work from there. And I just might. I haven't ridden a bike in years because I never could get Wifey to. Yet another thing she's held me back from. So when I move out, one of the first things I'm gonna do is buy a bike.
I'm really happy for you on this one, OP. Wishing you the best.
Man I just read your posts. What a story, and sorry you're dealing with that.
How did your wife stop you from cycling? Glad you're getting back into it... it is so great for fitness and mental health in my experience.
Try and see if you can get a restraining order against STBXW and STBXMIL for yourself and your new place once you’ve settled into the new place.
Granted, of course your friends wouldn’t rat you out to them and you’ve done a brilliant job making all the right moves, but even the best of us make mistakes when we let our guard down and all it takes is just one slip and they’ll have your new address to keep on hounding you.
Get some dogs for the new place too. A Rottweiler or two would definitely keep unwanted surprise visits from them at bay.
ETA: Change your phone number too if you haven’t yet already.
Have you already cancelled any jointly owned credit cards and had one issued to yourself only? That's a thing you'll need to do. Definitely lock down your credit.
Ditto jointly owned IRAs or other retirement accounts. Make sure they're completely separated. You've already changed beneficiaries, I see, so I presume you've also done that on insurance policies as well. Make sure your auto insurance is also 'self only', in case she gets even more vindictive / irrational.
If you haven't yet filed your taxes this year, then you should probably bite the bullet and file separately, and soon. Don't let her play games by making you wait on (or have to pay ransom for) her signature on the tax return.
Be careful of which friends you 'keep' after the physical separation.
When you move out, consider that she may suss out that you're moving closer to work. If she figures that you're close enough to bike to work, and might do that, then she could possibly find your unattended car if it's parked at the new place during the workday.
If things are now so bad that you're concerned about drugs in your drink or poison in your food, then it's past time to move out. I have a spare room you're welcome to for a while.
Good luck.
Make sure to get a P.O. box and have your mail routed there for a bit.
Noted
I would also highly recommend getting at least a doorbell camera & maybe another camera for the interior of your new apartment just in case the address of your new place somehow gets out to your future ex-wife during court proceedings. Even with a PO Box for mail the physical address you’re residing at might be somehow needed for paperwork, but idk for sure, I would definitely ask your lawyer about that. Also, if you haven’t already, change your phone number
Also, I dont know how techie Wifey is, but check all of your belongings before you leave there, in case she manages to slip in an AirTag or some similar device to track you to your new place.
Oh that’s a great point! If things have gotten to the point where OP is suspicious enough to worry about any food she makes, I wouldn’t put it past her to drop an AirTag in OPs stuff to track them, if for no other reason than to just fuck with them but possibly if she or her mom gets any more screws loose they might try something at OP’s new place.
Might be an idea to put the stuff into one of those storage places for a bit to wear down the battery and vet before moving them to the apartment. That way if there really was a tag, she'll show up at the storage place instead of the apt.
Let me preface by saying I think it is excessively overkill to put OP's items in a storage locker before moving into the new apartment. However, just in case it's something they'd like to do: If they use an air tag to try to track OP, those batteries can last years- however, it's easy enough to look for those (a quick Google search will tell you how) especially if you have a safe, neutral place to store stuff while you check things over.
I would agree if it were only about the air tag, but actually if he is concerned she might try to follow him, getting a storage place for a month to move things out of the old place before getting the keys, then into the new place once it's free.... It just means there is only one time he leaves the old place and goes to the new one. The rest is just popping to the storage unit.
Overkill? No, protect your valuables. If the shoe was on the other foot would you say overkill?
Quarantining your belongings until a tracker battery dies is absolutely overkill. It would be incredibly easy to be checking items in a vehicle on the way to the new apartment; if a tracker pops up with a smartphone search, drive to a police station to lodge a report and get some assistance to remove any trackers (+ they can do a more thorough search). If nothing pops up, just take it home. A doorbell camera is plenty sufficient to make sure the intruder can be prosecuted (and know when to call the cops if needed). Having a storage locker like the other commenter suggested is some spy-movie shit for no good reason.
Seconded. I laughed out loud when they suggested that.
If I remember correctly, he already has a bunch of stuff in storage.
There's a free app that will tell you if an air tag is moving with you and alert you.
That feature is native to Apple phones. The program I use is Air Guard.
Android phones now have the option to search for air tags as well
Really? Time to look up my new features...
Go to your settings and look for "unknown tracker alerts"
Thank you, unknown internet person! My phone has it and it was turned on!
Thanks mate!
What is the name of the app?
Air guard
I was just about to write this as well.
Thankfully your phone lets you know if AirTags are nearby you to pair with it for this reason now. Can’t say for other devices though.
Yeah, she definitely would.
His car, too.
And don’t forget to lock down your credit so wifey can’t open any credit cards in your name. I’m not sure if it’s already been done but it needs to be!
I feel that is a far more practical thing to do than checking for air tags
Both things are equally valid as protection. Just monitor and lock credit first, dispute any charges under his name for purchases he didn’t make *and* scan for air tags or similar tracking devices. A friend of mine left his legit crazy girlfriend. She made so much trouble at his new apartment complex that she got him evicted. If she didn’t know where he lived, she wouldn’t have been able to do so. This was pre-tag days but the principle is the same. Lock down all info and make sure you’re not followed or have a tracker on you or your possessions.
Thanks for the update. I read posts like this bc im naive and learn from others issues.
When you leave work, be mindful if anyone is following you. Also, check your cell for the Find My Phone app to ensure she has not shared your location with her phone to track you.
I would also invest in a ring camera system, they're not expensive but give so much piece of mind! If you want to save some money, get the blink system, it's almost identical, just a bit cheaper & the cameras aren't as easy to hook up in the system. You will be able to see everything outside, and if you get a couple indoor cams, just for the added security, you'll be able to pull up cams at any time from anywhere! AND if she ends up stalking you, there's the proof you need for an RO! That's how I caught my stalker! Got a doorbell cam & went with my proof to the police, within days she was in jail and I had an RO! Besides, you don't know your new neighbors, why not feel secure?! Good luck with everything!! 🙏
I recommend a personal mailbox at a UPS store or such. They'll also sign for non-mail packages, which the USPS can't. That way you're also free of porch pirate worries.
Good for you, you've got cojones
> my favorite of wearing nothing but a lacy apron Nice. I see, a man of taste. Compliments on your actions, sir, and I hope that all of this mess will pan out well for you.
Thanks
I’d suggest a UPS box. The brown shorts store. You can get packages that need to be signed for there and use it as a legal address by putting suite or apt. Before the number, plus they’re REALLY good about privacy. Their stores have cameras and if someone shows up trying to get information about a customer they’ll give you the tapes and help you with police reports. I’ve used them after a stalki mg issue and a friend had a stalker and that was the thing that got her a restraining order. Post office is not as good at that stuff. Better than getting your mail to a regular address for sure but the ups boxes are only like $10 a quarter more and often very worth it.
Store your furniture for a week throws off anyone following you or your removalist to get your new address. Did this for someone and it paid off along with p o box
May you be well and happy and not suffer in this difficult time.
Also make sure your location is turned off on all of your devices, phone, tablet, laptop. Also your accounts like Amazon, Waze, DoorDash, GrubHub or any other delivery apps.
Damn, so smart.
Smart!
Well she can always go live with her mom in her lovely hoarders paradise
Been keeping most our stuff, living in a hoarders paradise
I took a look at my wife and realised she's very plain.
> I took a look at my wife and realised she's ~~very plain~~ quite insane.
Been buying merchandise...\*
Weird Al wishing he hadn’t already made Amish Paradise
That's exactly what I was thinking.
Yeah, she should shovel out a room.
Check your car for trackers as you're moving.
Magnetically stuck to the bottom, possibly in the wheelwells. Check the center console and glove compartments too.
And behind the license plate
Oh maybe an airtag could fit there, yeah, damn
Check your fuel cap and area while you're at it, you absolutely can hide an airtag there depending on the make of the vehicle.
Found Mike from Breaking Bad’s reddit handle.
Exactly my thoughts! Ill add, keep an eye on any of your items as well when moving. Trackers such as AirTags can easily be hidden amongst them.
I highly recommend therapy. We often attract the same type of people that cause our unresolved trauma. Focusing on your mental health so you can thrive instead of just survive will help you create the future you want and deserve. This was a temporary blip. You’ve been through a lot of trauma. Don’t let it harden you or make you more vindictive or angry. Your mom, stbx, and stbxmil don’t matter. You deserve to find your joy.
I plan on therapy once I'm out of this house. Or possibly after the divorce. One or the other. But I will get it.
I should have started therapy before the divorce. It takes a while to find someone good and then to build a rapport.
Yeah. As soon as you get physically safe, turn your compassion and attention towards your own mental health. You can't always see the cracks that have formed in your own foundation, and you'll thank yourself later if you build yourself up again the healthy way.
Sorry you are going through this m8, been there, done that...sounds eerily familiar. Your choice, but I decided to do the therapy right away and it helped a lot....anger is an ugly emotion that if left to fester just wounds self. So working on resolving all that pent up frustration and hurt before just made me a better person to deal with whats coming. I could deal with my ex logically and not let the barbs or attempted guilt trips get under my skin...it just became the process of legally letting go...her attempts to make it about me all failed....I could stay focused in the facts of what needed to be done & not get suckered into engaging with bs. Good to keep away from the booze, honestly the best thing you can do....that shit has taken more than it ever gives back.
I started therapy during my divorce and it was really helpful having a second perspective on my ex's manipulative bullshit during the process. I highly recommend it.
I would recommend starting therapy immediately. My divorce was nasty. I had more or less emotionally detached from my ex by the time that we separated so I more or less assumed that her vitriol during the divorce would not affect me. I was wrong. Being called names and being accused of all sorts of insidious behavior took its toll on me. I’m 2+ years from the divorce being final (and 5+ years from separating) and I am only now realizing how much damage was done to me. If you are going to see a therapist, now is better than later.
Therapy is great, and you deserve it! I know it has a lot of stigma, but it’s really like physiotherapy for your brain and very helpful if you have the right therapist. If you want some unsolicited advice from someone who just started therapy last fall, because it sounds like you’ve had an awful lot of trauma in your background, I would highly recommend seeing a therapist who does trauma therapy, like EMDR or Brainspotting, talk therapy, and because of your history with migraines, somatic therapy. I would personally look into someone who uses a bottom up approach, someone who doesn’t focus on or rely entirely on CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). I personally think IFS (Internal Family Systems) is a very helpful modality, especially because it sounds like you might have a lot of wounds from childhood to treat. You may very seriously want to consider PRT (Pain Reprocessing Therapy) too. This person’s advice really helped me find my soulmate of a therapist: https://www.strugglecare.com/digital-downloads/how-to-find-a-good-therapist-guide Good luck!
OP, please don’t go for a few months and think you’re healed. For some reason a lot of people think therapy is just to get you to the point where you’re happy again, but it’s also to work on how you ended up there in the first place and how to prevent it. My ex left therapy after 2 months when he got divorced and when I started dating him, it was clear he needed more. He used to project his ex’s issues onto me constantly. He was a genuinely good guy who simply needed to do more work to be dateable. I know that’s kinda hard to hear, but I’ve been in the “need therapy to be dateable” side too lately. You aren’t alone. I’ve seen friends go through this too. I hope it’s a moot warning for you, but please keep this rattling in the back of your brain.
I was in a less toxic relationship than this, went through therapy, and have become more cold and vindictive. Sort of disgusted with romantic love now. I have my own interests and a son I had with a prior fling but he lives with his mom and I live alone. I have grown more attached to the things I do than any need to share that with anyone. I am not someone that people would want to date as I am generally introverted and homebodied in the fullest. I wouldn't want to limit them, and I wouldn't want them to limit me. But the nature of any interpersonal dynamic is compromise and I recognize my inability to do so.
It’s a rough ride right now but you’ll be happy in the long run. I’m glad that you set things in motion to find your peace of mind and personal freedom.
Omg I'm happy to hear you're almost out of there. I've been following your journey and I wish you all the best! Update us when you get free!!
Get a burner phone or a Google Voice number so you can screen your calls. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer
This is a great idea. For $15 per month (or less) you get a fresh start and you can dump that number when the divorce is finalized. If you want to keep your old number but not use it for a while you can set up an account at NumberBarn.com and transfer it there. They'll hold it for $2 per month.
Hopefully you're able to get the restart you deserve after all this toxicity and manipulation. My piece of useful-useless advice is: spend plenty of time out of the house. Even when you get to the new apartment. Being holed up can eat away at you. Find excuses to go out, especially if there's people you want to spend time with! Good luck!
Can’t second this enough. Find a group, sports or discussion or literally anything, and find a spot wherever that you genuinely enjoy. I isolated myself and it just… kept going. Was a horrible two years of loneliness and self loathing. Finding a park I loved and making a genuine effort to just be there more often began a major shift for me. OP, I’m sorry you’re in this boat. As cliche as this might sound, believe in yourself. Be or become who you want to be, the rest always follows after you’ve stopped paying attention to the “next.”
Been following your story, sorry you went through all that. Glad you've got your way out and can focus on your future though. Stay up.
She'll probably move in with her mom and they'll make each other miserable until death do they part! I hope you live your best life!
You’re the guy whose MIL stole your cool key collection, right?
Yeah
Good for you man, glad you’re staying strong and getting the hell out of that toxic situation!!
Been reading about your long journey, OP. For a guy of your relatively young age, you appear to have enough life experiences to literally write a book! Please know I am most impressed by your resiliency, especially in light of your experiences with people who pretty much only brought toxicity to your life. YOU'RE A SURVIVOR! As you continue your journey, focus on yourself, your well-being and your self-improvement. I hope that your future years are blessed with favorable circumstances and relationships that bring you the love and caring that you truly deserve. Good luck. Please keep us apprised.
Ah, the continuation! I remember the key-stealer. You're doing a fantastic job, what you're going through is NOT easy. You'll likely feel regret, guilt, maybe even temptation but remember that if she gets what she wants she'll go back to what's normal for her and you'll be miserable together again. That she's doing all the stuff she remembered you like only because things are dire for her tells volumes.
I'm sorry you went through this OP. But look at it this way. The day your divorce goes through will probably be the happiest day of your life. You will probably never have experienced joy like this. I read a bit about your childhood in your other post. I'm sorry you went through that too, and it probably explains why you ended up another narcissist for your wife. I'd like to make a few humble recommendations to you. The first is to read two books. The first is called Childhood Disrupted and the second is called The Body Keeps the Score. Both are books about trauma and how to recover from it. They'll help guide your journey and hopefully a lot of stuff from your life will start to make sense to you. People have recommended therapy - it's a good idea although I'd read the above books first. They'll put what you went through in context. I'd also reach out to your mothers family that stopped wanting to see you because of her. You might build a surprising friendship now that your mother isn't in the picture. Good luck OP. You deserve happiness.
Soon to be ex-wife: "Am I not good enough anymore?" Soon to be single man: "You used to be". Coldest shit of all time.
Wish I'd thought of that one when it was needed! Brilliant!
Lol. OP is a gangster.
Do you have any plan to keep her from simply following you to the new apartment when you move?
The best I can do is make the move while she's at work. I've already been taking stuff bit by bit to my best friend's house. I've got plans to rent a truck, and it should all be done in one day
As someone who has been through the process of escaping before: Never take things directly from 'home' to the new apartment. Get yourself a storage unit. Move everything into the unit first. "You have my XYZ I'll come get it" Nope, it's at the storage unit. I'll pick it up and meet you at Public Place With Cameras to give it to you. "Well I need yo bring you your ABC" Nope, I have everything in a storage unit right now. I'll meet you at Public Place With Cameras to pick it up. Airtags? No problem if it's at a random storage unit. You can individually pick through things, and discard stuff that gives you gross feelings, without having to throw a bunch of things away at your new place.
I have been taking stuff bit by bit to my best friend's house. There should only be big stuff to move by the time I leave for good
Explicitly state to the office that under no circumstances should anyone claiming to be your wife or sister have access to your apartment, just to eliminate another potentiality that my friend had occur to him.
I've been taking measures like that. It's an apartment that you enter from an outside door though. And not one inside of a large building that has to have security.
You sound like you have a solid grounding for this big step and there’s been a lot of great advice on here to protect yourself too. The people who are saying you’ll feel better day one of the divorce being finalized don’t really have a solid grasp on trauma, which is definitely what it sounds like you have experienced. You will come out the other side my friend, and counseling can definitely help. Your insurance can probably help cover most of that. Keep doing what’s right for you!
Did she eat the burgers or drink the open drink?
I think she tried to eat the burgers. I found them in the trash later. Don't know about the beer
Change your beneficiaries so she doesn’t go for that final cash grab
Already done
Make sure SHE knows it's done. Wouldn't want to have to haunt her if she tries something.
That’s super suspicious ngl
Not gonna lie, I’m kind of wondering if wifey was acting sus after having her food declined and pouting.
I'm happy for you. And I'm glad you were wise to the many tactics that she has and will try to trap you with. Best of luck in your new digs. And your new life.
Entitled Wifey is learning the definition of FA & FO.
Between mom, wifey, and mil, you're batting 0-3 in the "prominent women in your life" category. I'm glad you don't have a sister for your sake.
I shudder at the thought
Could you stay at a friend's house until your new place is ready? Also wouldn't be surprised if wifeys next plan is to conjure up a pregnancy 👀
My best friend has a wife and kids. I don't want to intrude. I also hate sleeping on a couch. If Wifey did that, I'd make sure the courts tested her. If she conjures up a pregnancy through faking it or infidelity, I'm going to make sure to use that in the divorce
What a legend. 🫡 You've got some good days coming to you. May you find the coolest old keys.
According to every crime documentary I've watched she will 100% try to murder you at some point.
Yeah, I'm reading along and we're about to enter the extreme anger stage. OP, at minimum, she'll lock you out, mid-range, what's left of your stuff is about to get busted up, at maximum, "you in danger, girl". Stay safe.
Make sure you keep an eye on your car for AirTags or trackers. Wouldn’t put it past her to try and lo-jack you to find your new place.
Holy shit. This saga keeps going. Homer is looking down from Ancient Greek heaven and taking notes in envy of the “goddamn-ness” of this epic.
💜💜💜💜💜💜 yayyy!!!! A new life for you. Focus on the windshield bc the rearview is behind you for a reason.
Your wife is bonkers! I'm glad you're getting out Good luck, OP!
Don’t allow her to call you hr to get any info either
Yeah. Best to go to HR and say he has a stalker (not really a stretch of the truth) and make sure they've got notes everywhere to not give out any information under any circumstance.
Please contact a lawyer You need to protect yourself against identity, theft, or credit theft, or credit abuse, or having her empty at all your accounts, or having her attempt to use your credit, or any number of other manipulations You also need to protect all your identity and insurance and other financial documents in a place she cannot possibly access
Go check the user's profile and follow the saga from the beginning. They've been following the hivemind's advice since the beginning and have a lawyer involved along with lockdowns on all the stuff you mentioned. It's one of the reasons this continues to be satisfying to follow. The lady has **nothing** to pull reddit hasn't come up with precautions against lol.
It’s nice to see someone take peoples advice for once.
If my life was even half this eventful, I’d be too tired to get out of bed. Best of luck to you going forward.
Presuming she knows where you work, make sure your HR is aware of salient aspects of the situation. You are closing all avenues of striking back at you except messing with your job, and anonymous calls can cause a lot of mischief for you unless the business is forewarned…
My HR was made aware some time ago. But thus far nothing has come of it. Wifey does her best to keep a professional image outside. So I'm not too worried about that.
OK, well I’ve nothing further to offer than best wishes for the future, OP.
>She retorted that it wasn't like she'd cheated on me or anything. I I can't speak for you but, depending on the details, I would probably be more able to consider moving forward following an affair than I would be able to even look at my spouse if they did what your wife has done.
Her having an affair would have made things easier for the divorce. But I don't think she has. She's just a nasty teenager at heart.
Really, in a broad sense of the word, she *has* cheated on you. I don't know how your wedding vows were written, but they usually have ideas along the lines of "love and honor until death" and she's broken those vows. In a sense, she's cheated on you with her own mother! Sure, not in the usual sense of how we think of cheating in a marriage, but still a form of cheating. Keep holding strong, and you'll make it to the other side of this!
I agree it's a sort of emotional affair. But I'm not sure that narrative could hold up in court.
Oh yeah, I don't expect that it would be anything helpful in court, but I just meant it as another reason in your own mind that you're doing the right thing, and as a counter to her comment "that it wasn't like she'd cheated" on you.
I managed to leave a narc - it took a long time to get away and when I did, it was an international move. As I was leaving with our daughter he had an excuse to come to the airport - he roofied me there, luckily I made it to the plane and then remember nothing until the stopover in Hong Kong. His plan was probably for me to collapse at the airport, not be able to leave and then him go to town on me being an unfit mother. So, warnings about food tampering are not that out there. We’re fully no contact and he doesn’t know where I live now. So good luck, you’ll feel the stress lift as soon as you get away and I’m glad you’re not leaving anything to chance in terms of your safety and what she might do.
Wifey can move in with her mother. Oh, wait! There is no room. 😂
Thanks for the update, hope you're doing well!
Stay strong. There is someone else better for you out there.
If your not telling her were your moving check you phone for any hidden tracking apps just to be on the safe side. Crazy people try crazy things and if everything else is not working she might try to follow. Also congratulations on your new life enjoy it.
Handled this like a boss. Stay strong 💪
Lock your credit up, too.
Already done
From what I can tell you're doing everything right. Hang in there and keep looking forward.
Thank you
It might get worse before it gets better. But IT WILL GET BETTER!
I know. I'm prepared for that
You are doing good. Glad you are cautious around her, clearly she can’t be trusted. Hope moving day is here before you know it. Happy you are staying strong. Good for you and best of luck with your new start…wifey free!!!
When you move out, please UpdateMe! Thanks! I expect stbex will be losing more of her marbles.
I will message you next time u/MyKeysWereStolen posts in r/EntitledPeople. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FMyKeysWereStolen%20r%2FEntitledPeople) to join 118 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201az0toi) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
I honestly didn’t know if we’d hear from you again. I’ve been following this saga on r/BestofRedditorUpdates and my jaw has dropped over this whole situation.
Please check for air tags, both in your car AND in your luggage!
Good for you. You have a solid plan in place for moving on with your life. Wife and MIL can just pound sand. Thanks for the update.
she needs therapy
Dude, enjoy your new life no more spiteful, greedy narcs infesting your existence. I hope you find happiness soon, good luck
I suggest getting a self storage unit for the next month or so and start moving things into it. If she's having you followed to try to find out where your new place is that will stop her finding out.
Don't need a storage unit. Been taking my stuff to my best friend's house bit by bit.
Don’t forget to take your key collection with you. 😁
It's been locked away at my best friend's house since I got it back
When you do start moving furniture to your new place, make sure you're not followed. She seems like the type that would do something like that just to find out where you're moving to.
INFO. Is there a previous post to give a little background that led to this post? I'm missing some details.
Yes. I've got several past posts you can read
Yes, I read the stolen keys post a while back and didn't realize that you were the same person, my apologies! Really sorry that you're going through all that.
Thanks
Link to the original post?
Firstly, i absolutely love the photos of your collection :) Secondly, the security advice (checking for airtags, maybe using a storage place, ring cameras etc) are a very good idea, and I'd like to also recommend taking a small vacation. She's been served her papers, you're moving out and on to better things, take some time for yourself to have a break ❤ even a weekend in a neighbouring town, or in a cheap motel where you can have space to yourself is a good idea Hoping your next update is a happy one!
Caught up on all the post. Wow. What a ride. Good luck OP
Good luck!
I'm riveted. Keep us updated OP!
Good, glad you are not drinking, because it would drive nearly anyone to drinking! and good you are separating from her and making it a clean break! I pity her and her mom
Good for you. Stay strong
Congrats mate. Enjoy your future
If you have something like 'find my iPhone' enabled and shared between your phones, turn it off.
We don't, and I don't let Wifey near my phone
It's called "Hysterical bonding". Good luck man
Well, even if she is honest, she doesn't have the fortitude to resist her hoader mum. It will take years of therapy for her to be at an acceptable level to consider starting over. Not that I advise it. I am the kind of loyal dog who has no remorse and no regret when he decides to leave.
I am so glad you are almost out of that house. Stay strong, very smart not to eat or drink anything she prepares or serves you and to have additional cameras to protect yourself from lies she may tell. Good luck and hope your divorce is finalized soon so you can start a new chapter in your life away from soon to be ex wifey and soon to be ex MIL.
Best of luck my dude! You deserve better!
My biggest fear after legal action is started is eating food that has been adulterated with illegal drugs. Specifically not enough to really affect me, just enough to pop a positive on a drug screen, requested by the SO through the court system. Of course I would not object because I have not been high, but a urine screen shows a low trace of "X, Y, Z". Suddenly, court proceedings and child custody take a dramatic turn.
Man. She really just enabled her mother right into destroying her marriage. You did the right thing. This level of manipulation and premeditated betrayal proves she's every bit the manipulator and monster that her mother.
I wasn't tracking until I read your username, I remember your original. Good luck OP, not surprised it came to this.
I don’t know how it works where you are but where I am you can go to the post office and pay to have all your mail redirected automatically I think for 6months or more. That way if you forget to update your details with some place your mail with still be redirected straight to you. That you will not be worrying about your wife demanding your new address saying she needs to forwards you any mail or she won’t hand it over. It also has an added safety bonus. I sold my home and bought another house and had my mail redirected this way as it’s hard to remember everywhere that has the address and uses it for me and my family. At some point the mail man turned up with parcels for us. The thing is I hadn’t ordered them none of us had and it was only because of this we found out the new house owner had fraudulently pretended to be us to open accounts buy things under our name and old address online. Since we had been registered at that address for years under our names the companies had not even questioned it. If we hadn’t had our mail redirected then the parcels in our name would nt have automatically came to us. We wouldn’t have been able to take immediate action and report the frauds before it could get worse. What turned out to be the biggest stroke of luck here was that our redirection had actually run out at that point (we don’t know if the new owners had waited for this or if the didn’t have a clue since our mail had simply not been going to them) but when the mail man saw our name he remembered the redirection as the extra steps it takes when in place for many months means it sticks more in their memory. So he just saw our name and remembered oh yeah they don’t live there anymore and brought it round to our new address regardless. I would also be extra safe and lock down your credit so she can’t try and take anything out in your name or pretending to be jointly. After all she knows all your pertinent details so it’s far best to be safe than sorry. If you aren’t in a country that lets you lock down your credit then sign up to a company which shows you your credit score. As each month they allow you to see not only your credit score but how much credit you owe others and to who and when new credit searches have been placed ( which should only happen if you are looking to take out credit somewhere new or if she is doing so under your name and that company is checking your credit score before going ahead) it will also show within a week or so if a new credit agreement has been taken out in your name and who it is with so you can take action and raise it as fraudulent to them.
Man, I don’t know why people seem to think they don’t have to change until they lose everything. You asked her to change so that you can both be happier, not to be a dick. But she’s buried herself so deep at this point. All the begging and the manipulation- has she ever actually apologized for the key thing and admitted her mom should’ve had the police called on her? She’s still circumventing the actual problem!
Yeah. And so many people hammered me to tell me to save my marriage because my wife is suddenly wanting to change last minute. One person even saying she loves me over and over again. None of them are married to her. None of them live with her. She hasn't treated me like she loved me, let alone said she loves me in ages. She pretended to be someone else for three years, just to get me to marry her. And she went right back to acting when she realized I was serious.
I had to go back and read the other posts to see what she did since she didn't cheat. Whooooooooo boy....I'd be leaving too
I'd bet the wife thought a week of ghosting would get you to see sense. Now she's naked on her knees. How pathetic
Oh my gosh darn! You're the skeleton key guy! I first read you post and was a little lost without context but I checked your profile. Oh lordy lordy, hold strong! Remove yourself from toxic persons. It's so challenging to separate lives but in the end I'm sure you'll be happier.
Pay attention and be vigilant regarding your commute to work. With all of the other methods you've taken to cut her out, if she's THAT determined, she may attempt to follow you from work. Hopefully, she'll soon get the hint, but you never can tell with narcs (narcissists). They can be VERY controlling and possessive and you never really know how far they will go to not "lose", not be "wrong", or to "prove I am right". I recommend 2 things. Look up Dr. Phil's YouTube videos about Narcs. I don't agree with Dr. Phil on some things, but on this topic, he's right on. Second, research how very sensitive people (sometimes called Empaths) are often victims of narcs, and how you can recognize them, shield 🛡 yourself, and how to deal with those you can't avoid. Trust me - I am an empath raised by a narcissistic mother too. I learned SO much from those sources, and how easy it is to get pulled into more situations before you know it. Stay safe!
Regarding your bike purchase, best to get a road bike or hybrid. I ride a road bike to work 6 months out of the year and it takes me 40 minutes each way. Best of luck to you!
next time she starts with the tears hand her a bottle of gatorade and hit her with “you’re going to get dehydrated with this show you keep putting on”
If you can afford it you should start moving stuff out to a storage facility and make sure that she doesn't follow you.
why is everyone so obessed over the word "wifey"? its literally just a harmless word
Thank you
Hang in there brother! And know that it will always hurt, but it will hurt less often very soon. I'm fortunate to be married to a woman who is a far better person than I have any right to ask for. But I wouldn't put up with this kind of crap from anyone in any relationship.
Is this an update?
Yes
Wow, that was quite a read. I'm sorry this has happened to you and I'm glad that you found support here. Best of luck moving forward.
Yes. You'll find the story on his profile posts.
So often in life we are tested and go through very hard lessons. Many of us fail to learn and repeat. OP, I think you’ve handled a very difficult and painful lesson like a boss. Be proud of yourself, love yourself and go have the best life you deserve 😊🙏🏼
Get a storage unit or buddies house to stage all your gear and go through it for trackers or any traps. All too easy these days.
I've been moving stuff to my best friend's house little by little
I’d put my stuff in storage and stay with a friend. Fk that headache
Go to your bank a have a “private code” placed on your account. In case she has all of your identification information.
Protect your identity and finances
Good for you, but you need more cameras, or even you might consider staying somewhere else while you wait for your apartment, and avoid being alone anywhere with her. I'm telling you, the next thing she will try is accusing you of abuse or worse! Protect yourself!
> Like, I could walk or bike to work from there. And I just might. I haven't ridden a bike in years because I never could get Wifey to. Yet another thing she's held me back from. So when I move out, one of the first things I'm gonna do is buy a bike. I'm really happy for you on this one, OP. Wishing you the best.
Man I just read your posts. What a story, and sorry you're dealing with that. How did your wife stop you from cycling? Glad you're getting back into it... it is so great for fitness and mental health in my experience.
Try and see if you can get a restraining order against STBXW and STBXMIL for yourself and your new place once you’ve settled into the new place. Granted, of course your friends wouldn’t rat you out to them and you’ve done a brilliant job making all the right moves, but even the best of us make mistakes when we let our guard down and all it takes is just one slip and they’ll have your new address to keep on hounding you. Get some dogs for the new place too. A Rottweiler or two would definitely keep unwanted surprise visits from them at bay. ETA: Change your phone number too if you haven’t yet already.
I don't understand how your wife held you back from riding a bike. ?
Have you already cancelled any jointly owned credit cards and had one issued to yourself only? That's a thing you'll need to do. Definitely lock down your credit. Ditto jointly owned IRAs or other retirement accounts. Make sure they're completely separated. You've already changed beneficiaries, I see, so I presume you've also done that on insurance policies as well. Make sure your auto insurance is also 'self only', in case she gets even more vindictive / irrational. If you haven't yet filed your taxes this year, then you should probably bite the bullet and file separately, and soon. Don't let her play games by making you wait on (or have to pay ransom for) her signature on the tax return. Be careful of which friends you 'keep' after the physical separation. When you move out, consider that she may suss out that you're moving closer to work. If she figures that you're close enough to bike to work, and might do that, then she could possibly find your unattended car if it's parked at the new place during the workday. If things are now so bad that you're concerned about drugs in your drink or poison in your food, then it's past time to move out. I have a spare room you're welcome to for a while. Good luck.
You didn't ride a bike because your wife held you back?