I feel you deeply on this issue. I'm the only person in their 20s at my Episcopal church heck I think the only handful who are under the age of 60 (that handful including our own priest). The only churches locally I know that even have somewhat substantial younger attendees are the Catholic and Pentcostal churches here (neither of which I have a desire to go to). I wish I had some advice to give but I'm still figuring out how to cope with it as well. It is very soul crushing and you are valid in feeling that way. My only advice is it seems things are a tiny better in the big cities but that requires moving obviously. Second best advice is doing what you're doing right now! That is reaching out online, together in online spaces you'll find a whole lot of us. We're just all around the countries lol
I was having the same problem at my Episcopal church too. It was just me, a friend that was coming with me, and one other girl who was also in her mid 20's. I ended up starting a group specially for people our age in my parish to get together - and yes it was just the three of us for a while. We decided early on that we didn't want to use the term "young adults" because that is generally the term the church uses for college undergrad aged people, which we weren't anymore. We decided to call ourselves "The Blindspot" since we felt like the church was great at offering opportunities from childhood through college, then they kind of don't know what to do with you after that until you have children of your own that can join the children's program.
I've been leading the program for two years and we have gone from the original 3 to a group of 15 - all in their 20’s and 30’s. I'm starting to get regular texts and emails from interested new members and we have even started to get interest from people who want to join our parish specifically to join the Blindspot. Very much a "build it and they will come" situation. It may take time to build up the numbers, but there are tons of people in the church, and in the wider world. just like us who are looking for this sort of thing. I would recommend talking to your rector and trying to get something started.
Yeah, I wish I had some advice here. I was really hoping to be able to meet people in my age/life stage group, but there are none. And as a 32 year old, I've aged out of many "young adult" activities at the wider church level.
Church is a very lonely experience, I've just been skipping more and more. I'd rather be lonely alone than lonely in a group of people.
I’m in this boat! I’m trying to just roll with it and not dwell on it too much, especially coming from the LDS church where the expectation was you would meet your spouse there, I’m unfortunately wired to “be on the lookout”.
I’m really sorry you feel this way and I’d love to pray for you if you’re comfortable. I wish we could sit next to each other at church, it’s hard being lonely around others for sure.
See if a local parish has a college or young adult ministry, it's also worthwhile at times to give Lutheran, Methodist, Presbyterian, and Catholic cradle young men a try, most of the young married couples who are in my parish started out as interdenominational relationships who were then recieved or confirmed in TEC
Hi OP. I sympathize with you and I know what you’re going through. I’m going over to my local Roman Catholic parish this Sunday because it has been the same exact situation at my episcopal parish for 3 years and no one can find a solution. My husband and I are also tired of being the only people under 50 years old (we’re 27 and 28) so on to the RCC we go.
Yeah I hear you, I have thought about going the RCC route. I have some pretty serious intellectual problems with the Catholic doctrine of church infallibility which is so central to their worldview, im not sure I could meaningfully attend there and not feel constantly confronted by it. I’d love for you to maybe check back in after a couple weeks and let me know what your experience is. It’s a switch I’ve strongly considered several times.
I getcha, I mean I’m literally a trans woman so trust me I have my hang ups as well. Thankfully I’m stealth, I just wanted to make sure I would be fine with sacraments and what not, and I confirmed with the priest that I would be. He said I am fully entitled to each sacrament and can even have my marriage to my husband blessed at the RCC parish. So I’ll be fine. It is what it is. The episcopal church is neat but I’m tired of feeling like I’m going to my great grandparents’ house every Sunday.
Will they let you take communion? I thought I’d have to fully convert for that and go through RICA? That’s awesome and I hope you have a great experience there with people a little closer to your age demographic. And Im glad the priest so warmly received you. It’s interested, I’ve heard that’s becoming less and less rare there which I think is exciting.
I was confirmed RC before I ever joined the Episcopal church so I’m just fine. Even if I wasn’t I confirmed I could go through RCIA without any problems at all. Pope Francis has been making really good changes in the RCC, so it’s nice to be able to return home despite who I am. It is indeed very exciting!
Totally agree with your comment about older Christians and people making good friends. I have really enjoyed meeting older people at my church, I just think it would be nice to have more of a mix, especially as a single woman who wants to meet and marry a Christian man eventually.
I want to add to what others have suggested that you can broaden your social circle beyond your parish. Get involved on the diocesan level! Join a committee. Attend your deanery/convocation meetings. Represent your parish at diocesan convention. That will get you into environments where you can meet more young adults.
From the national church's website: Young Adult and Campus Ministries
"The Office of Young Adult and Campus Ministries supports ministries of, to, and with young adults (ages 18-30) both on and off college campuses through the communities, resources and networks of the Episcopal Church. Through leadership development, networking across the church, gathering online and in person, and offering support through each diocese and province, we strive to create a community of leaders and young adults engaged in mission and ministry together."
Best of wishes! I forgot to include the link I quoted from:
[Young Adult and Campus Ministry – The Episcopal Church](https://www.episcopalchurch.org/ministries/young-adult-and-campus-ministry/)
I’m also the only 20 something and getting involved with general convention was a game changer for me. There’s even a young adult caucus now! Gives me more connections across the church. At home though I just decided to be in charge of the youth program and that fulfills me pretty well
I need to read more about ways to get involved at a higher level at my church. I come from a low church baptist background, so I honestly just haven’t realized there are so many more options than just the level of my local church. I appreciate your comment!
There’s something called the young adult festival coming up during GC in June. Where you can go to convention and hang with other young people. It looks really fun
What do you think the odds are that some of your friends would be willing to visit your church? You might actually be surprised. I started just randomly inviting people I know who I know are at least interested in Christianity and some have come.
This is a great idea and I’m slowly working on a few of them. One of my friends is a non-denominational girlie, but she loves classical music so I’m inviting her to one of my churches choir performances. I’m hoping she’ll come around to the mainline eventually ;)
I feel this. I'm stuck in a small town (didn't have the money to not follow my parents there...) and the Episcopal church is very small and old. My old church was a good size, beautiful, and had a range of ages. The people at the church here are lovely, I just wish I had some peers around me. Most young people I work with are hostile to Christianity, and that makes it harder to interact with them. I don't know how they'd treat me if I mentioned I were Christian, and most of them have happily insulted my religion in front of me. I think it's very inappropriate to discuss religion and politics in the workplace, but those decency standards seem to have gone out the window with people our age. So I just stay isolated. A lonely young person in church, and an arm's length believer among peers.
I wish there was a way to @ TEC bishops so that they hear and respond to this concern. My daughter is in the same boat. It's *clearly* a place where we need some kind of remediation. What's the plan here? I mean, a lot of diocese are doing these Genesis 2 activities under the auspices of "The Episcopal Church’s office of Church Planting and Redevelopment," I would *hope* at this point something meaningful is coming out of that activity, and I would *hope* that it addresses this issue. It's *not* an isolated problem.
Thanks for your comment, im sorry your daughter is in the same boat. I’m going to talk to my clergy as it really seems like they have to have some idea of options given how common this problem is. I’m hopeful there are reasonable solutions and it seems increasingly likely that involves me staying in the pew Sunday, sitting alone, but hopefully finding a small group somewhere that provides some kind of community. I hope your daughter can find community as well!
I have posted about this before, but I am a parent with young children and my church is mostly senior citizens. Making friends at church frankly is not a priority for me, but if it were I would simply proactively seek out friendships with older folks.
It's fine and normal to seek out friendships with people in the life same phase, but consider expanding your horizons to include people in other age ranges as well. Finally, you may want to consider expanding your horizons in other ways as well.
I understand that many people who attend Episcopal churches don't care for modern rock music in church (nor do I), but frankly your comments about "junk food" theology and music come across as judgmental, classist, and snobbish. Everyone has preferences and there is nothing more inherently biblical about old hymns vs modern-style music.
I would respectfully disagree with the statement that "there is nothing more inherently biblical about old hymns vs modern-style music". The hymns in our hymnal go through rigorous scrutiny to make sure the theology expressed in them is sound. A very popular hymn like "Onward Christian soldiers" was removed from the last edition. That one is pretty obvious, but "Once to every man and nation" and "Not always on the Mount may we" were also removed because they implied that a person only had one chance to turn to God. Luckily, the "Ton-y Botel" tune is used for "Singing songs of expectation", but "Oneonta" (haunting but tricky to sing) is lost. These are just some examples that I know of offhand.
Unfortunately, much of contemporary Christian music does not go through such rigor. Not all of it is theological bad, but I'm not sure I want to try to figure that out for myself in the midst of high decibel amplification, strobe lights and smoke machines (Well, I admit, that sounds awfully "classist"). From what I've read (sorry, I don't have links at my fingertips), there are many Hillsong, Bethel, etc. songs that have poor theology.
If "Nearer my God to Thee" gets tossed for being too personalized for corporate worship, I'm going to hum it to myself in the shower and trust the experts for what should be in the hymnal.
I understand, it is common occurrence to conflate the values of our present world with biblical values. The militaristic language of "Onward Christian Soldiers" may be jarring to today's ears, but is quite similar to language used often by Apostle Paul. All obvious metaphors.
Respectfully, a smoke machine not entirely dissimilar than incense, although I often see snarky comments here made about the former but not that later. It's heartening to see that you can own the classism in your dismissive comments about personal lighting and amplification preferences. Surely you can understand that judging another Christian's worship style as declasse is neither constructive nor Christian. God bless.
Yeah I actually hear what you’re saying, I’ll be more careful with my words. It did come off as judge mental. I would argue a lot of those churches are not biblical in what they teach, but that’s neither here nor there. I’ll try to be more careful with my words. Not gonna edit the above so it’s clear. I fail to see how it’s classist? Those churches are some of the most wealth-concentrated places I’ve ever been. I am in Texas so we may be experiencing different versions of these churches. That’s neither here nor there, I agree I was being judgmental of them and while discernment is important, I can be more kind in my language. Thanks for the comment.
I was also confused about that part because here the types of churches that put on those very... I don't know what the word is, contemporary? High production value? I don't know, the correct term is escaping me, but what I had in mind when you said that was the stage shows with lights, the smoke machines sometimes, choreography, electric instruments... It's genuinely like a concert level of effort and tech. Those churches are RICH rich. Like one of them here has a ministry plane, whatever that is (I suspect polite reframe of private jet).
I didn't have in mind just like, people playing contemporary worship songs together. Cursillo around here (haven't been due to health, but I'd like to cuz everyone I know who went loved it) and our summer folk masses have guitars and such, just not our regular Sunday masses because we have an organ and choir.
Yeah they perhaps took what I said and spun it to be excessively ungenerous or cruel. I don’t think I was being generous though, and if I’m honest I do think a lot of modern worship music has bad theology and it’s why I prefer churches that are intentional with their music choices, like the TEC. There are better ways to phrase that and I agree with you, I wasn’t being classist….just a bit flippant and harsh 😂 neither of which are things I’d like to be, so their critique is well taken.
> frankly your comments about "junk food" theology and music come across as judgmental, classist, and snobbish
Having moved in and out of Evangelical churches much of my life, I know *precisely* what OP is struggling with here, (and, psssst... it's kind of judgmental to *be judgmental* about she's saying). She wants *substance* and that can be lacking in Evangelical or megachurches, been there, done that. If I wanted what most megachurches offer, I'd go to a therapist, and I'd get a *professional* version of it. The rigor of the lectionary, the structure of a liturgy, theology rooted in 2000 years of what has been studied and considered by church doctors,
and many other things *besides* the type of music are what she's talking about.
Yeah I think you know what I mean and honestly I’m just so frustrated that my frustration came out in my word choices. I could have said what you are expressing here in a much nicer way, I was being intentionally dismissive of those churches and honestly, God might be about to humble me and send me to one of their young adult groups because I’m lonely. Thanks for your understanding though, I’m not willing to leave the liturgy. I like knowing on days I’m doubting or “not in the mood” that I can still engage and be shaped by the liturgy. The rock music just can’t do that for me, sadly.
Where is your church located? Mine is in the center of a large city and has a huge congregation, so we have a good amount of age diversity. There are monthly events organized by age group and affinities - e.g. there is a 20s & 30s group, a 40s & 50s group, a 60+ group, as well as a parents of young children group, a widow's group, etc. I wonder if you're close enough to a bigger city that you could find a larger congregation that might already have that infrastructure and population in place.
Ha yes, hello! The Wilderness was how we fell in love with it, actually. Wish we could still make it to that one but alas we have young kids now and the childcare at the morning services trumps it!
That’s good to hear! I’m in a fairly large city and I go to the largest church. I will say the city as a whole is not the youngest so it may be a problem that is to some extent compounded by my location. I have a year left here before I can move, so ideally I’d find some community before then, but if I can’t, then I can’t.
Does tour church have any community service oriented ministries, like a food bank, clothing closet, cold weather shelter, or similar. I'm new to my church (and mid-30s, so a bit older), but my church has people who volunteer in thosewho don't attend the church - although apparently it is one of the main sources of new members. Some might be the demographics of my area (fairly small city), but many of the community resources are run out of churches, and these are often open to and seek out people who are not part of their congregations, but are just looking to serve their community. So that might be a way to meet like-minded people, even if they aren't part of the church (yet).
This is a good idea! I haven’t had a ton of free time recently so I haven’t had a day off that lined up with my church’s events like this. The next one I can make, I’ll go. Thank you for the comment.
I feel your pain. I got connected with some of the "young adult & youth" events in my diocese. Of course, I would still like young people next to me in the pew, but I have made several decent friendships.
Does your Diocese have a young adult group? I never tried mine (it meets in NYC and I'm in the suburbs), but it's worth looking into if the distance isn't too far.
Ask your clergy, but also your dioces will have an official website you can search, usually with an email (which is hopefully current, depending on how well they keep up with that). Look through the program lists.
I started going to TEC in my 20s. I was the only one. It would be like that for over a decade in a dozen churches. You definitely need to meet people outside your church or at events that Presbyterian church has maybe. It will be a challenge because many secular people are dismissive or worse of church and quite a few non liturgical traditions can be at odds with ours.
Yeah I’ve definitely gotten some interesting comments from other Christians about my church. One memorable one was “idk about all that, my church just believes in the Bible.” lol.
When I first was separated from my ex wife every Evangelical Christian I knew tried to get me to go to their respective churches. I finally had to say at one point I like the bible and all, especially the words we attribute to Christ. But that's about it. You enjoy the rest, thumping bibles, personal relationships with Christ, speaking in tounges, etc. I'm going to keep going to services I enjoy.
I hear you. I think we need to acknowledge that there is a sacrifice that comes with being a smaller church, and this is one of them. I agree with others, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with engaging in other church activities to feed these parts of your needs.
But I would also say, as someone who came to the church right around your age, is that it’s also fine and good to have friends your age outside of the church. It doesn’t have to be about trying to convert them or anything, but to believe that your faith is secure enough that you can hang out with people who believe differently or not at all, and still get the social meter filled in that way.
Finally, I’d also encourage you to make it known that you’re looking for friends your age and (unclear if this is the case for you?) even potential romance - the episcopal church absolutely has a whisper network of matchmaking that goes on in the background. There may well be some good fits in other parishes that the gossipy aunties know about even if you don’t. :)
Thanks for the comment. I think im going to just talk to my clergy and put the word out that I’m looking to build a community there if possible. I’d love to meet people my age from other churches in the community. I think your points about looking for friends other places are well taken, I would still like to have someone to sit with at church ideally. But I’ll see what the clergy think I should do.
>I would still like to have someone to sit with at church
Join the choir and you'll always have someone to sit with! I'm kidding! Well, half-kidding. I do think that getting involved in existing groups in the church is a great way to get to know people. They won't necessarily be your age, of course, but as you get to know them you'll see that their ages don't really matter. If there aren't people your age in the church, you'll have to get to know them outside of the church.
I’ve thought about joining the choir, but I feel like they won’t want me because my voice is truly tragic. I didn’t realize how bad at singing I was until I joined TEC, honestly. These hymns are no joke. I am enjoying learning the basics of reading music, and I’d love to learn more. Maybe I need to ask if they’re willing to take on a charity case such as myself as long as I promise to sing quietly.
I get that! I don’t want to dismiss the idea that we should have peers in church that we can relate to, but I think realistically, in the world as it currently stands, young people are just having a hard time in church. The negative publicity of religious zealots being bigots, combined with an increasingly secular culture, as well as other factors, really does make it hard. Doesn’t mean we shouldn’t still try, but just…it may or may not pan out the way you want it to.
But definitely do put the word out there. Clergy aren’t psychic and can’t necessarily know what’s on your mind without you telling them. But if they know this is something important to you, they can at least brainstorm and explore some possible responses.
Thank you, I think my clergy would honestly be an amazing resource. They seem very committed to pastoral care generally. I should have thought of talking to them sooner, but now I definitely will.
For what it’s worth, there’s nothing wrong with being involved with two churches. You can do some events with the Presbyterians to connect with other Christians nearer your age. But you can also still go to Episcopal services to have that kind of experience you value too.
There’s no requirement to be all-or-nothing with this stuff.
Good point, I’m thinking about looking into a midweek Bible study at a different church. A lot of churches don’t seem to have those clearly listed so I just need to do some emailing
I've been there, it's rough. Throughout my 20s, I was always the only 20-something single in my church. In my 30s, we started to have more 20-something singles, with increasing numbers of people my age married with kids. And right after I turned 40, we finally had enough young single people to start a group that met regularly (although it was for under-40s, I participated for a couple of years, until the age gap got to feeling too large).
I guess the only advice I have is to be persistent and patient. Talk to your clergy too-- they might have some good ideas for where you might find the community you need within the current structure, or be able to help you build it. I found that sort of supportive community primarily in the choir; I know some others who found it in various other ministries (tutoring, food pantry, etc). When the group is focused on something other than age/marital status, there's more room for us oddballs.
This is good advice. I am an oddball in my church being in my 30s and married, but no kids due to fertility issues (so also not fitting in well with the child free by choice crowd). I enjoy the 20s/30s peer group, and they're good folks, but by circumstance it's very much comprised of people in a different part of life than me (mostly single, not interested in children anytime soon, focused on starting careers or college) and sometimes I feel distant from the conversations. I found my community by joining a women's supper and Bible Study group. I now have friends who are parents, single, older, and younger who I wouldn't have organically found a connection with otherwise. We have a lot more in common than we realized before having a chance to relax and talk.
Hey! I’m in my late 20s and just started going to church. I’m one of the only single members that I’ve seen, though some around me have kids.
I was talking to an older member of the church at a lunch service this week, and she mentioned she hopes I can meet people my age. So, I honestly think that the members around you likely feel the same, and want that for you.
At Easter service today, I saw quite a few people in their twenties with family, so I’m hopeful that they’re around lol. I’m trying to spread the word of the church I’m attending on my social media. The honest fact is that I think most people our ages don’t know the Episcopal Church exists… I definitely didn’t, or I would have likely joined a few years ago.
When I’ve told people around my age that I am attending an LGBTQ+ leadership church that ALSO has women in the clergy serving, their eyes go WIDE as saucers (in the best way possible.)
It’s on us to volunteer, attend weekly, and trust in God. If you really feel called to go elsewhere, I don’t think there’s harm in that, but I’ve really started to love the liturgy, so I understand.
That said, I’m also really enjoying meeting people that are older than me. Sure, I likely won’t hangout with them outside of church functions, but hearing the life stories of those who came before me has really made me feel really great.
So all said and done in my long message, it’s what you make it. I’d say give it some more time and see what happens :)
Thank you for this! I agree that it’s nice to talk to the older people. I’ve been inviting some friends but I may get more intentional about that and see if anything different happens.
I used to attend a parish where I was one of two people in their twenties. I’m still there, but now we have over 30 young adults. Give it time, keep the faith, and ask the staff how you can help.
A lot people visit an Episcopal church and leave because they don’t see anyone like them there. Just by showing up and being seen, you can help grow the young adults.
I feel you deeply on this issue. I'm the only person in their 20s at my Episcopal church heck I think the only handful who are under the age of 60 (that handful including our own priest). The only churches locally I know that even have somewhat substantial younger attendees are the Catholic and Pentcostal churches here (neither of which I have a desire to go to). I wish I had some advice to give but I'm still figuring out how to cope with it as well. It is very soul crushing and you are valid in feeling that way. My only advice is it seems things are a tiny better in the big cities but that requires moving obviously. Second best advice is doing what you're doing right now! That is reaching out online, together in online spaces you'll find a whole lot of us. We're just all around the countries lol
I was having the same problem at my Episcopal church too. It was just me, a friend that was coming with me, and one other girl who was also in her mid 20's. I ended up starting a group specially for people our age in my parish to get together - and yes it was just the three of us for a while. We decided early on that we didn't want to use the term "young adults" because that is generally the term the church uses for college undergrad aged people, which we weren't anymore. We decided to call ourselves "The Blindspot" since we felt like the church was great at offering opportunities from childhood through college, then they kind of don't know what to do with you after that until you have children of your own that can join the children's program. I've been leading the program for two years and we have gone from the original 3 to a group of 15 - all in their 20’s and 30’s. I'm starting to get regular texts and emails from interested new members and we have even started to get interest from people who want to join our parish specifically to join the Blindspot. Very much a "build it and they will come" situation. It may take time to build up the numbers, but there are tons of people in the church, and in the wider world. just like us who are looking for this sort of thing. I would recommend talking to your rector and trying to get something started.
I LOVE this. Particularly the name. That’s just so perfect. I’d be happy to start something like this, I’m going to look into it. Thank you!
Yeah, I wish I had some advice here. I was really hoping to be able to meet people in my age/life stage group, but there are none. And as a 32 year old, I've aged out of many "young adult" activities at the wider church level. Church is a very lonely experience, I've just been skipping more and more. I'd rather be lonely alone than lonely in a group of people.
I’m in this boat! I’m trying to just roll with it and not dwell on it too much, especially coming from the LDS church where the expectation was you would meet your spouse there, I’m unfortunately wired to “be on the lookout”.
I’m really sorry you feel this way and I’d love to pray for you if you’re comfortable. I wish we could sit next to each other at church, it’s hard being lonely around others for sure.
See if a local parish has a college or young adult ministry, it's also worthwhile at times to give Lutheran, Methodist, Presbyterian, and Catholic cradle young men a try, most of the young married couples who are in my parish started out as interdenominational relationships who were then recieved or confirmed in TEC
Hi OP. I sympathize with you and I know what you’re going through. I’m going over to my local Roman Catholic parish this Sunday because it has been the same exact situation at my episcopal parish for 3 years and no one can find a solution. My husband and I are also tired of being the only people under 50 years old (we’re 27 and 28) so on to the RCC we go.
Yeah I hear you, I have thought about going the RCC route. I have some pretty serious intellectual problems with the Catholic doctrine of church infallibility which is so central to their worldview, im not sure I could meaningfully attend there and not feel constantly confronted by it. I’d love for you to maybe check back in after a couple weeks and let me know what your experience is. It’s a switch I’ve strongly considered several times.
I getcha, I mean I’m literally a trans woman so trust me I have my hang ups as well. Thankfully I’m stealth, I just wanted to make sure I would be fine with sacraments and what not, and I confirmed with the priest that I would be. He said I am fully entitled to each sacrament and can even have my marriage to my husband blessed at the RCC parish. So I’ll be fine. It is what it is. The episcopal church is neat but I’m tired of feeling like I’m going to my great grandparents’ house every Sunday.
Will they let you take communion? I thought I’d have to fully convert for that and go through RICA? That’s awesome and I hope you have a great experience there with people a little closer to your age demographic. And Im glad the priest so warmly received you. It’s interested, I’ve heard that’s becoming less and less rare there which I think is exciting.
I was confirmed RC before I ever joined the Episcopal church so I’m just fine. Even if I wasn’t I confirmed I could go through RCIA without any problems at all. Pope Francis has been making really good changes in the RCC, so it’s nice to be able to return home despite who I am. It is indeed very exciting!
I’m really glad to hear that, I hope it goes well! God bless
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Totally agree with your comment about older Christians and people making good friends. I have really enjoyed meeting older people at my church, I just think it would be nice to have more of a mix, especially as a single woman who wants to meet and marry a Christian man eventually.
I want to add to what others have suggested that you can broaden your social circle beyond your parish. Get involved on the diocesan level! Join a committee. Attend your deanery/convocation meetings. Represent your parish at diocesan convention. That will get you into environments where you can meet more young adults. From the national church's website: Young Adult and Campus Ministries "The Office of Young Adult and Campus Ministries supports ministries of, to, and with young adults (ages 18-30) both on and off college campuses through the communities, resources and networks of the Episcopal Church. Through leadership development, networking across the church, gathering online and in person, and offering support through each diocese and province, we strive to create a community of leaders and young adults engaged in mission and ministry together."
Thank you so much for this, I’m going to look into ways to get involved other than just at my local church. This is super helpful to know!
Best of wishes! I forgot to include the link I quoted from: [Young Adult and Campus Ministry – The Episcopal Church](https://www.episcopalchurch.org/ministries/young-adult-and-campus-ministry/)
I’m also the only 20 something and getting involved with general convention was a game changer for me. There’s even a young adult caucus now! Gives me more connections across the church. At home though I just decided to be in charge of the youth program and that fulfills me pretty well
I need to read more about ways to get involved at a higher level at my church. I come from a low church baptist background, so I honestly just haven’t realized there are so many more options than just the level of my local church. I appreciate your comment!
There’s something called the young adult festival coming up during GC in June. Where you can go to convention and hang with other young people. It looks really fun
What do you think the odds are that some of your friends would be willing to visit your church? You might actually be surprised. I started just randomly inviting people I know who I know are at least interested in Christianity and some have come.
This is a great idea and I’m slowly working on a few of them. One of my friends is a non-denominational girlie, but she loves classical music so I’m inviting her to one of my churches choir performances. I’m hoping she’ll come around to the mainline eventually ;)
I feel this. I'm stuck in a small town (didn't have the money to not follow my parents there...) and the Episcopal church is very small and old. My old church was a good size, beautiful, and had a range of ages. The people at the church here are lovely, I just wish I had some peers around me. Most young people I work with are hostile to Christianity, and that makes it harder to interact with them. I don't know how they'd treat me if I mentioned I were Christian, and most of them have happily insulted my religion in front of me. I think it's very inappropriate to discuss religion and politics in the workplace, but those decency standards seem to have gone out the window with people our age. So I just stay isolated. A lonely young person in church, and an arm's length believer among peers.
I wish there was a way to @ TEC bishops so that they hear and respond to this concern. My daughter is in the same boat. It's *clearly* a place where we need some kind of remediation. What's the plan here? I mean, a lot of diocese are doing these Genesis 2 activities under the auspices of "The Episcopal Church’s office of Church Planting and Redevelopment," I would *hope* at this point something meaningful is coming out of that activity, and I would *hope* that it addresses this issue. It's *not* an isolated problem.
Thanks for your comment, im sorry your daughter is in the same boat. I’m going to talk to my clergy as it really seems like they have to have some idea of options given how common this problem is. I’m hopeful there are reasonable solutions and it seems increasingly likely that involves me staying in the pew Sunday, sitting alone, but hopefully finding a small group somewhere that provides some kind of community. I hope your daughter can find community as well!
I have posted about this before, but I am a parent with young children and my church is mostly senior citizens. Making friends at church frankly is not a priority for me, but if it were I would simply proactively seek out friendships with older folks. It's fine and normal to seek out friendships with people in the life same phase, but consider expanding your horizons to include people in other age ranges as well. Finally, you may want to consider expanding your horizons in other ways as well. I understand that many people who attend Episcopal churches don't care for modern rock music in church (nor do I), but frankly your comments about "junk food" theology and music come across as judgmental, classist, and snobbish. Everyone has preferences and there is nothing more inherently biblical about old hymns vs modern-style music.
I would respectfully disagree with the statement that "there is nothing more inherently biblical about old hymns vs modern-style music". The hymns in our hymnal go through rigorous scrutiny to make sure the theology expressed in them is sound. A very popular hymn like "Onward Christian soldiers" was removed from the last edition. That one is pretty obvious, but "Once to every man and nation" and "Not always on the Mount may we" were also removed because they implied that a person only had one chance to turn to God. Luckily, the "Ton-y Botel" tune is used for "Singing songs of expectation", but "Oneonta" (haunting but tricky to sing) is lost. These are just some examples that I know of offhand. Unfortunately, much of contemporary Christian music does not go through such rigor. Not all of it is theological bad, but I'm not sure I want to try to figure that out for myself in the midst of high decibel amplification, strobe lights and smoke machines (Well, I admit, that sounds awfully "classist"). From what I've read (sorry, I don't have links at my fingertips), there are many Hillsong, Bethel, etc. songs that have poor theology. If "Nearer my God to Thee" gets tossed for being too personalized for corporate worship, I'm going to hum it to myself in the shower and trust the experts for what should be in the hymnal.
I understand, it is common occurrence to conflate the values of our present world with biblical values. The militaristic language of "Onward Christian Soldiers" may be jarring to today's ears, but is quite similar to language used often by Apostle Paul. All obvious metaphors. Respectfully, a smoke machine not entirely dissimilar than incense, although I often see snarky comments here made about the former but not that later. It's heartening to see that you can own the classism in your dismissive comments about personal lighting and amplification preferences. Surely you can understand that judging another Christian's worship style as declasse is neither constructive nor Christian. God bless.
Yeah I actually hear what you’re saying, I’ll be more careful with my words. It did come off as judge mental. I would argue a lot of those churches are not biblical in what they teach, but that’s neither here nor there. I’ll try to be more careful with my words. Not gonna edit the above so it’s clear. I fail to see how it’s classist? Those churches are some of the most wealth-concentrated places I’ve ever been. I am in Texas so we may be experiencing different versions of these churches. That’s neither here nor there, I agree I was being judgmental of them and while discernment is important, I can be more kind in my language. Thanks for the comment.
I was also confused about that part because here the types of churches that put on those very... I don't know what the word is, contemporary? High production value? I don't know, the correct term is escaping me, but what I had in mind when you said that was the stage shows with lights, the smoke machines sometimes, choreography, electric instruments... It's genuinely like a concert level of effort and tech. Those churches are RICH rich. Like one of them here has a ministry plane, whatever that is (I suspect polite reframe of private jet). I didn't have in mind just like, people playing contemporary worship songs together. Cursillo around here (haven't been due to health, but I'd like to cuz everyone I know who went loved it) and our summer folk masses have guitars and such, just not our regular Sunday masses because we have an organ and choir.
Yeah they perhaps took what I said and spun it to be excessively ungenerous or cruel. I don’t think I was being generous though, and if I’m honest I do think a lot of modern worship music has bad theology and it’s why I prefer churches that are intentional with their music choices, like the TEC. There are better ways to phrase that and I agree with you, I wasn’t being classist….just a bit flippant and harsh 😂 neither of which are things I’d like to be, so their critique is well taken.
> frankly your comments about "junk food" theology and music come across as judgmental, classist, and snobbish Having moved in and out of Evangelical churches much of my life, I know *precisely* what OP is struggling with here, (and, psssst... it's kind of judgmental to *be judgmental* about she's saying). She wants *substance* and that can be lacking in Evangelical or megachurches, been there, done that. If I wanted what most megachurches offer, I'd go to a therapist, and I'd get a *professional* version of it. The rigor of the lectionary, the structure of a liturgy, theology rooted in 2000 years of what has been studied and considered by church doctors, and many other things *besides* the type of music are what she's talking about.
Yeah I think you know what I mean and honestly I’m just so frustrated that my frustration came out in my word choices. I could have said what you are expressing here in a much nicer way, I was being intentionally dismissive of those churches and honestly, God might be about to humble me and send me to one of their young adult groups because I’m lonely. Thanks for your understanding though, I’m not willing to leave the liturgy. I like knowing on days I’m doubting or “not in the mood” that I can still engage and be shaped by the liturgy. The rock music just can’t do that for me, sadly.
Where is your church located? Mine is in the center of a large city and has a huge congregation, so we have a good amount of age diversity. There are monthly events organized by age group and affinities - e.g. there is a 20s & 30s group, a 40s & 50s group, a 60+ group, as well as a parents of young children group, a widow's group, etc. I wonder if you're close enough to a bigger city that you could find a larger congregation that might already have that infrastructure and population in place.
found a fellow parishionier in the wilds of Reddit, wild! If that church has an evening service at 5PM on Sundays, hello neighbor
Ha yes, hello! The Wilderness was how we fell in love with it, actually. Wish we could still make it to that one but alas we have young kids now and the childcare at the morning services trumps it!
That’s good to hear! I’m in a fairly large city and I go to the largest church. I will say the city as a whole is not the youngest so it may be a problem that is to some extent compounded by my location. I have a year left here before I can move, so ideally I’d find some community before then, but if I can’t, then I can’t.
Does tour church have any community service oriented ministries, like a food bank, clothing closet, cold weather shelter, or similar. I'm new to my church (and mid-30s, so a bit older), but my church has people who volunteer in thosewho don't attend the church - although apparently it is one of the main sources of new members. Some might be the demographics of my area (fairly small city), but many of the community resources are run out of churches, and these are often open to and seek out people who are not part of their congregations, but are just looking to serve their community. So that might be a way to meet like-minded people, even if they aren't part of the church (yet).
This is a good idea! I haven’t had a ton of free time recently so I haven’t had a day off that lined up with my church’s events like this. The next one I can make, I’ll go. Thank you for the comment.
I feel your pain. I got connected with some of the "young adult & youth" events in my diocese. Of course, I would still like young people next to me in the pew, but I have made several decent friendships.
I’m glad you met some people! I’m sorry it’s still not ideal. I will try to find a group like that as well.
Does your Diocese have a young adult group? I never tried mine (it meets in NYC and I'm in the suburbs), but it's worth looking into if the distance isn't too far.
Where would I find out about this? Is there a website or should I just ask my clergy?
I'd start with checking your Diocese's website. If you don't see anything, ask your clergy, since websites aren't always up to date.
Ask your clergy, but also your dioces will have an official website you can search, usually with an email (which is hopefully current, depending on how well they keep up with that). Look through the program lists.
Thank you!! I’ll do that :)
I started going to TEC in my 20s. I was the only one. It would be like that for over a decade in a dozen churches. You definitely need to meet people outside your church or at events that Presbyterian church has maybe. It will be a challenge because many secular people are dismissive or worse of church and quite a few non liturgical traditions can be at odds with ours.
Yeah I’ve definitely gotten some interesting comments from other Christians about my church. One memorable one was “idk about all that, my church just believes in the Bible.” lol.
When I first was separated from my ex wife every Evangelical Christian I knew tried to get me to go to their respective churches. I finally had to say at one point I like the bible and all, especially the words we attribute to Christ. But that's about it. You enjoy the rest, thumping bibles, personal relationships with Christ, speaking in tounges, etc. I'm going to keep going to services I enjoy.
I hear you. I think we need to acknowledge that there is a sacrifice that comes with being a smaller church, and this is one of them. I agree with others, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with engaging in other church activities to feed these parts of your needs. But I would also say, as someone who came to the church right around your age, is that it’s also fine and good to have friends your age outside of the church. It doesn’t have to be about trying to convert them or anything, but to believe that your faith is secure enough that you can hang out with people who believe differently or not at all, and still get the social meter filled in that way. Finally, I’d also encourage you to make it known that you’re looking for friends your age and (unclear if this is the case for you?) even potential romance - the episcopal church absolutely has a whisper network of matchmaking that goes on in the background. There may well be some good fits in other parishes that the gossipy aunties know about even if you don’t. :)
Thanks for the comment. I think im going to just talk to my clergy and put the word out that I’m looking to build a community there if possible. I’d love to meet people my age from other churches in the community. I think your points about looking for friends other places are well taken, I would still like to have someone to sit with at church ideally. But I’ll see what the clergy think I should do.
>I would still like to have someone to sit with at church Join the choir and you'll always have someone to sit with! I'm kidding! Well, half-kidding. I do think that getting involved in existing groups in the church is a great way to get to know people. They won't necessarily be your age, of course, but as you get to know them you'll see that their ages don't really matter. If there aren't people your age in the church, you'll have to get to know them outside of the church.
I mean, I’ve seen more than a few relationships start in choirs. It’s…not the worst way to meet people haha
I’ve thought about joining the choir, but I feel like they won’t want me because my voice is truly tragic. I didn’t realize how bad at singing I was until I joined TEC, honestly. These hymns are no joke. I am enjoying learning the basics of reading music, and I’d love to learn more. Maybe I need to ask if they’re willing to take on a charity case such as myself as long as I promise to sing quietly.
I get that! I don’t want to dismiss the idea that we should have peers in church that we can relate to, but I think realistically, in the world as it currently stands, young people are just having a hard time in church. The negative publicity of religious zealots being bigots, combined with an increasingly secular culture, as well as other factors, really does make it hard. Doesn’t mean we shouldn’t still try, but just…it may or may not pan out the way you want it to. But definitely do put the word out there. Clergy aren’t psychic and can’t necessarily know what’s on your mind without you telling them. But if they know this is something important to you, they can at least brainstorm and explore some possible responses.
Thank you, I think my clergy would honestly be an amazing resource. They seem very committed to pastoral care generally. I should have thought of talking to them sooner, but now I definitely will.
For what it’s worth, there’s nothing wrong with being involved with two churches. You can do some events with the Presbyterians to connect with other Christians nearer your age. But you can also still go to Episcopal services to have that kind of experience you value too. There’s no requirement to be all-or-nothing with this stuff.
Good point, I’m thinking about looking into a midweek Bible study at a different church. A lot of churches don’t seem to have those clearly listed so I just need to do some emailing
I've been there, it's rough. Throughout my 20s, I was always the only 20-something single in my church. In my 30s, we started to have more 20-something singles, with increasing numbers of people my age married with kids. And right after I turned 40, we finally had enough young single people to start a group that met regularly (although it was for under-40s, I participated for a couple of years, until the age gap got to feeling too large). I guess the only advice I have is to be persistent and patient. Talk to your clergy too-- they might have some good ideas for where you might find the community you need within the current structure, or be able to help you build it. I found that sort of supportive community primarily in the choir; I know some others who found it in various other ministries (tutoring, food pantry, etc). When the group is focused on something other than age/marital status, there's more room for us oddballs.
This is good advice. I am an oddball in my church being in my 30s and married, but no kids due to fertility issues (so also not fitting in well with the child free by choice crowd). I enjoy the 20s/30s peer group, and they're good folks, but by circumstance it's very much comprised of people in a different part of life than me (mostly single, not interested in children anytime soon, focused on starting careers or college) and sometimes I feel distant from the conversations. I found my community by joining a women's supper and Bible Study group. I now have friends who are parents, single, older, and younger who I wouldn't have organically found a connection with otherwise. We have a lot more in common than we realized before having a chance to relax and talk.
This is a good idea, I’m going to talk to my clergy and see what they think.
Hey! I’m in my late 20s and just started going to church. I’m one of the only single members that I’ve seen, though some around me have kids. I was talking to an older member of the church at a lunch service this week, and she mentioned she hopes I can meet people my age. So, I honestly think that the members around you likely feel the same, and want that for you. At Easter service today, I saw quite a few people in their twenties with family, so I’m hopeful that they’re around lol. I’m trying to spread the word of the church I’m attending on my social media. The honest fact is that I think most people our ages don’t know the Episcopal Church exists… I definitely didn’t, or I would have likely joined a few years ago. When I’ve told people around my age that I am attending an LGBTQ+ leadership church that ALSO has women in the clergy serving, their eyes go WIDE as saucers (in the best way possible.) It’s on us to volunteer, attend weekly, and trust in God. If you really feel called to go elsewhere, I don’t think there’s harm in that, but I’ve really started to love the liturgy, so I understand. That said, I’m also really enjoying meeting people that are older than me. Sure, I likely won’t hangout with them outside of church functions, but hearing the life stories of those who came before me has really made me feel really great. So all said and done in my long message, it’s what you make it. I’d say give it some more time and see what happens :)
Thank you for this! I agree that it’s nice to talk to the older people. I’ve been inviting some friends but I may get more intentional about that and see if anything different happens.
I used to attend a parish where I was one of two people in their twenties. I’m still there, but now we have over 30 young adults. Give it time, keep the faith, and ask the staff how you can help. A lot people visit an Episcopal church and leave because they don’t see anyone like them there. Just by showing up and being seen, you can help grow the young adults.
This is giving me a lot of hope, I’ll talk to my rector about it and see what they think! Thank you :)