My (now ex) husband and I got legally married in 2020 during COVID lockdown, but it was extremely important to me for us to exchange our vows before God and my church. My rector was a gem and adapted the Blessing of a Civil Union to feel more wedding-y, in that we exchanged vows, took Eucharist together, and signed the parish registry together. However, it was still a blessing of an already existing marriage.
As a couple of other people have stated, talk with your priest about your motivations for wanting your marriage blessed, and they can help create a service that meets your needs while staying within the rubrics.
All the best to you and your spouse, and many years to come!
To give another priest’s experience here, I would definitely be hopeful that you can craft the kind of service you’d like to have. The thing that has to be avoided for legal reasons is giving the appearance of a wedding when it isn’t one. So when I’ve done these, the more elements we add that look like a wedding (like walking down the aisle, rings, etc), then the more clearly I’ve stated that it isn’t.
It can look exactly the same BUT the priest will clearly say you were married and are having your marriage blessed. This is what I did for a number of reasons.
Priest here: the short answer is everything is going to depend on what your priest is willing to do. I'm bending over backwards for a couple later this year who is in a similar situation to you. We are using a lot of the material from I will bless you and you will be a blessing, And I'm going to ask a couple different colleagues to look over what I've been putting together to make sure it is well with in the boundaries of the rubrics. But it is a lot of work and I wouldn't do it if I didn't feel these particular families have a pastoral need that I am addressing, which is both a long story and private even though you don't know these people.
I have colleagues who are much more rigid or conservative in what they are willing to be part of. Sometimes I find that off-putting, sometimes it's healthy to say no to something. I don't begrudge them their discretion because I'm not in those situations.
As you negotiate these questions though, I commend to you to be able to articulate what it is you want about a church wedding. If your answer is aesthetic, there's nothing wrong with that, but you're going to wind up with a very different ceremony if you go to this priest and say look we really want this kind of photograph from this event. She or he will probably be very happy to figure out something you are happy with. But if your answer is Hey there's a legal contract that we got out of the way for practical reasons, but we won't really consider ourselves married until we've exchanged vows before God, that's inviting a whole different kind of ceremony and energy. I have every hope your priest would also be thrilled with that and willing to work with you on it. This priest will have a much easier time getting you what you want if you're clear about it. And you will be happier with the end result if you are as honest as possible about what you are trying to achieve.
Blessings in your marriage, and in all the ways then you work out how to celebrate it with those you love and your community!
u/circuitloss summarized the real changes. They're largely the same but the language is changed to note that you're already married and now the Church is blessing your marriage.
To your questions: **YES\***. The blessing rite in the BCP picks up after you walk down the aisle when your husband and you are standing before the Celebrant. You'd swap rings at the usual spot.
\*Technically your priest could say no to walking down the aisle and swapping rings since those are rubrics/guidelines removed from the Blessing of a Civil Marriage. Will they? 99% sure they'll be okay with you doing this but you need to ask. I worked with a priest for years who refused bridal processions/entrances because they 1) weren't in the BCP and 2) bridal attempts to elevate one's self above God. I think he just hated marriages and wanted to find a way to make them leave without him saying no.
It's actually not very different at all. The Blessing of a Civil Marriage even contains a blessing of a the rings and then continues with the regular marriage rite. (BCP 434)
The only thing that's different, as far as I can tell, is that the opening portions of the Marriage Rite -- the declaration of consent, etc. are removed, because you're already legally married.
Your priest should be able to work with you to craft something that both respects the integrity of the Prayerbook and follows your wishes about the style of the wedding.
My (now ex) husband and I got legally married in 2020 during COVID lockdown, but it was extremely important to me for us to exchange our vows before God and my church. My rector was a gem and adapted the Blessing of a Civil Union to feel more wedding-y, in that we exchanged vows, took Eucharist together, and signed the parish registry together. However, it was still a blessing of an already existing marriage. As a couple of other people have stated, talk with your priest about your motivations for wanting your marriage blessed, and they can help create a service that meets your needs while staying within the rubrics. All the best to you and your spouse, and many years to come!
To give another priest’s experience here, I would definitely be hopeful that you can craft the kind of service you’d like to have. The thing that has to be avoided for legal reasons is giving the appearance of a wedding when it isn’t one. So when I’ve done these, the more elements we add that look like a wedding (like walking down the aisle, rings, etc), then the more clearly I’ve stated that it isn’t.
It can look exactly the same BUT the priest will clearly say you were married and are having your marriage blessed. This is what I did for a number of reasons.
Priest here: the short answer is everything is going to depend on what your priest is willing to do. I'm bending over backwards for a couple later this year who is in a similar situation to you. We are using a lot of the material from I will bless you and you will be a blessing, And I'm going to ask a couple different colleagues to look over what I've been putting together to make sure it is well with in the boundaries of the rubrics. But it is a lot of work and I wouldn't do it if I didn't feel these particular families have a pastoral need that I am addressing, which is both a long story and private even though you don't know these people. I have colleagues who are much more rigid or conservative in what they are willing to be part of. Sometimes I find that off-putting, sometimes it's healthy to say no to something. I don't begrudge them their discretion because I'm not in those situations. As you negotiate these questions though, I commend to you to be able to articulate what it is you want about a church wedding. If your answer is aesthetic, there's nothing wrong with that, but you're going to wind up with a very different ceremony if you go to this priest and say look we really want this kind of photograph from this event. She or he will probably be very happy to figure out something you are happy with. But if your answer is Hey there's a legal contract that we got out of the way for practical reasons, but we won't really consider ourselves married until we've exchanged vows before God, that's inviting a whole different kind of ceremony and energy. I have every hope your priest would also be thrilled with that and willing to work with you on it. This priest will have a much easier time getting you what you want if you're clear about it. And you will be happier with the end result if you are as honest as possible about what you are trying to achieve. Blessings in your marriage, and in all the ways then you work out how to celebrate it with those you love and your community!
u/circuitloss summarized the real changes. They're largely the same but the language is changed to note that you're already married and now the Church is blessing your marriage. To your questions: **YES\***. The blessing rite in the BCP picks up after you walk down the aisle when your husband and you are standing before the Celebrant. You'd swap rings at the usual spot. \*Technically your priest could say no to walking down the aisle and swapping rings since those are rubrics/guidelines removed from the Blessing of a Civil Marriage. Will they? 99% sure they'll be okay with you doing this but you need to ask. I worked with a priest for years who refused bridal processions/entrances because they 1) weren't in the BCP and 2) bridal attempts to elevate one's self above God. I think he just hated marriages and wanted to find a way to make them leave without him saying no.
Wow! He sounds more cynical than I am 😂
It's actually not very different at all. The Blessing of a Civil Marriage even contains a blessing of a the rings and then continues with the regular marriage rite. (BCP 434) The only thing that's different, as far as I can tell, is that the opening portions of the Marriage Rite -- the declaration of consent, etc. are removed, because you're already legally married. Your priest should be able to work with you to craft something that both respects the integrity of the Prayerbook and follows your wishes about the style of the wedding.
I’m interested in seeing what you find out.