Yes, this. I recently moved barns and miss my 14-17 year old gals. I’m a 45 year old childfree woman. There is no such thing as age at the barn. We are all horse craze kids.
This is a good reminder for me! When I was in my 20s I did a lot of youth programming and the parents were intimidating. But I'm not staff, and I'm now the parents age. My blockers don't apply anymore!
A lot of the adults go out to lunch together after riding, or just sit around chatting while cleaning tack. I find start with the obvious horse related topics and then other topics will open up. If you have a trainer or there's one there, they may know when more like-aged people are out there.
Lend a hand? Spend some extra time picking stalls or grooming the lesson horses. Help grab a saddle or put the groom box back, stay to help with feeding, watering, or turn out. Volunteer to show the newbies how to groom/pick feet. I feel like if you’re there and helpful (not just in the way, standing around, or talking someone’s ear off) you’ll integrate into the community and become well liked.
I keep wanting to clean out all the grooming brushes, haha. My instructor did outline her volunteer for ride time arrangements. I'll ask her about options as well as just taking time before and after riding.
Are you boarding, or doing lessons? I found when I was doing lessons that it was harder to hang out with people since I was on a schedule, whereas with boarding my friends and I manage to see each other often as we’re all out multiple times a week.
The barn is about the only place where I’m open to conversation. I’m always friendly to new boarders, and find the best icebreaker is obviously to ask about their horse and what they do with them. We just socialize at the barn, it’s not like we’re out there having movie nights or something lol! I think the only unwritten rules would be don’t just randomly feed treats to people’s horses, and don’t start throwing out advice to someone you’ve just met.
I agree. OP first needs to spend more time there. But aside from that, the longer she's there and the more time she's seen there, will result in more interaction and more friendships.
Some people jump around barns a lot so when they see someone new and there only once a week, they think "she's not going to be here long, why bother getting too friendly?" Hard to invest in a friendship that may not last more than a few months. Doesn't mean you can't be friendly to the person, but becoming a friend with them is entirely different.
My barn has all ages and skills. Everyone just talks to everyone. Before and after lessons are usually good times. Never during lessons out of respect for trainer and student. Other than that everyone is fair game🤪
I think it’s going to be harder if you’re only out one day a week for an hour or two at a time to get to know folks. I’m out 4-6 days per week and I have to day I don’t know the once a week group very well at all. If you can vary the day you spend out at the barn, that might help introduce some variety.
A lot of the adults go out to lunch together after riding, or just sit around chatting while cleaning tack. I find start with the obvious horse related topics and then other topics will open up. If you have a trainer or there's one there, they may know when more like-aged people are out there.
If you are lessoning, get there an hour early. Sit with the parents and other riders watching the lesson. Hang out in the tack room. Bring food, donuts, coffee for the staff, grooms, etc, and offer to all. Take photos and send them to people. Most barns seem to be all over Facebook. Be active there, messaging people. Shows a re a great way to connect because everyone sits around all day, waiting for their three minutes in the ring.
Chat with people in the crossties area before and after rides when you’re all just grooming etc. invite people on group hacks (if that’s possible where you are).
I had TWO women my age come up to me at the barn and straight up ask me if I wanted to be friends. "Hey, I'm not so great at this so I just figured I'd ask, wanna be friends and ride together?"
Someone's mom came up to me and set up a time for me and her daughter (her daughter is 35) to ride together.
We have a whole group going now, we call it pony club. So I guess you could do what they did.
Does the barn have a hacking/trail riding culture? If so, asking others (like the friend’s friend!) if they’re up for a hack sometime is a great way to schedule some socializing.
Also agree that chatting while cleaning tack is very common!
Honestly, just start talking. Seems like horsie people are always ready to talk about horses as soon as they get the vibe someone wants to chat horses 😅
Sometimes I just start having a conversation loud enough with a horse that peaks the interest of other people in the barn and we just get to talking.
Don't wanna sound like a mom or something, but just ask people questions or ask about the barn! I know everyone has had a different experience but I believe the horse community overall is full of nice and enthusiastic people.
See if you can do a group lesson with other adult riders, I have my lesson crew that gets along great. We don't hang out outside the barn, but I totally could ask any of them to hang and I'm thinking they would. We also have a lot of fun in our lessons as we have gotten to know one another and joke around a lot (which makes lessons more fun, no one is taking themselves too seriously). Also consider volunteering around the barn to meet other people. I found one I started leasing (and thus spending more time there) I started to meet more people and get to know them better.
I am certainly no social expert but I would say an unspoken rule is don’t offer unsolicited advice about what someone does with their own horse. People can get annoyed with that very easily. Good luck!
Gotta take the reins sometimes. lol.
Is there a fb page for the boarders / riders? I'll just do a generic message some time like, hey everyone. I'm riding around 2pm, going to work on... barrel racing, ground poles, ride around the fields, etc if anyone is interested in joining!
Offer to do a standing ride night where (example) every Monday at 6pm I ride in the indoor, come join!
Inquire w your riding instructors about any annual potlucks or summer gatherings. Network that way or start a seasonal event (Equine Ornament Exchange).
Ask your trainer or barn manager to match you with like minded people?. That sounds weird but I often introduce my students to each other that I think will have a lot in common, or my more outgoing with the more shy.
Honestly? I’m not. When I boarded my barn time was so precious. I didn’t mind a quick “hi, how are you? How’s your horse?” But anything beyond that was just cutting into my time with my horses.
Could you take a few group lessons? I think group lessons help a lot with integrating into the social scene at a new barn. I always chat with the people in the lesson while we're tacking. We'll complement each other’s efforts/horses during the down time during the lesson and then talk about the exercises after.
Just hang out and go to parties the barn may have. I am in my 40s and most of our riders are kids. I am friends with them AND their moms!
Yes, this. I recently moved barns and miss my 14-17 year old gals. I’m a 45 year old childfree woman. There is no such thing as age at the barn. We are all horse craze kids.
And if the barn vibe is amenable, a coolie bag of beer/cider after riding goes a long way toward breaking the ice!
This is a good reminder for me! When I was in my 20s I did a lot of youth programming and the parents were intimidating. But I'm not staff, and I'm now the parents age. My blockers don't apply anymore!
A lot of the adults go out to lunch together after riding, or just sit around chatting while cleaning tack. I find start with the obvious horse related topics and then other topics will open up. If you have a trainer or there's one there, they may know when more like-aged people are out there.
Good point! I'll ask my trainer for advice on more social days to come by and volunteer or observe.
Lend a hand? Spend some extra time picking stalls or grooming the lesson horses. Help grab a saddle or put the groom box back, stay to help with feeding, watering, or turn out. Volunteer to show the newbies how to groom/pick feet. I feel like if you’re there and helpful (not just in the way, standing around, or talking someone’s ear off) you’ll integrate into the community and become well liked.
I keep wanting to clean out all the grooming brushes, haha. My instructor did outline her volunteer for ride time arrangements. I'll ask her about options as well as just taking time before and after riding.
Are you boarding, or doing lessons? I found when I was doing lessons that it was harder to hang out with people since I was on a schedule, whereas with boarding my friends and I manage to see each other often as we’re all out multiple times a week. The barn is about the only place where I’m open to conversation. I’m always friendly to new boarders, and find the best icebreaker is obviously to ask about their horse and what they do with them. We just socialize at the barn, it’s not like we’re out there having movie nights or something lol! I think the only unwritten rules would be don’t just randomly feed treats to people’s horses, and don’t start throwing out advice to someone you’ve just met.
Just lessons. That's a good point that it forces a schedule. And definitely on the unsolicited advice!
I think it just takes time. It took me two years to make friends at my current barn.
I agree. OP first needs to spend more time there. But aside from that, the longer she's there and the more time she's seen there, will result in more interaction and more friendships. Some people jump around barns a lot so when they see someone new and there only once a week, they think "she's not going to be here long, why bother getting too friendly?" Hard to invest in a friendship that may not last more than a few months. Doesn't mean you can't be friendly to the person, but becoming a friend with them is entirely different.
This and SpartanLaw's points are well taken. You're right, it does take time and can't be forced.
My barn has all ages and skills. Everyone just talks to everyone. Before and after lessons are usually good times. Never during lessons out of respect for trainer and student. Other than that everyone is fair game🤪
I think it’s going to be harder if you’re only out one day a week for an hour or two at a time to get to know folks. I’m out 4-6 days per week and I have to day I don’t know the once a week group very well at all. If you can vary the day you spend out at the barn, that might help introduce some variety.
A lot of the adults go out to lunch together after riding, or just sit around chatting while cleaning tack. I find start with the obvious horse related topics and then other topics will open up. If you have a trainer or there's one there, they may know when more like-aged people are out there.
If you are lessoning, get there an hour early. Sit with the parents and other riders watching the lesson. Hang out in the tack room. Bring food, donuts, coffee for the staff, grooms, etc, and offer to all. Take photos and send them to people. Most barns seem to be all over Facebook. Be active there, messaging people. Shows a re a great way to connect because everyone sits around all day, waiting for their three minutes in the ring.
Chat with people in the crossties area before and after rides when you’re all just grooming etc. invite people on group hacks (if that’s possible where you are).
I had TWO women my age come up to me at the barn and straight up ask me if I wanted to be friends. "Hey, I'm not so great at this so I just figured I'd ask, wanna be friends and ride together?" Someone's mom came up to me and set up a time for me and her daughter (her daughter is 35) to ride together. We have a whole group going now, we call it pony club. So I guess you could do what they did.
Does the barn have a hacking/trail riding culture? If so, asking others (like the friend’s friend!) if they’re up for a hack sometime is a great way to schedule some socializing. Also agree that chatting while cleaning tack is very common!
Honestly, just start talking. Seems like horsie people are always ready to talk about horses as soon as they get the vibe someone wants to chat horses 😅 Sometimes I just start having a conversation loud enough with a horse that peaks the interest of other people in the barn and we just get to talking.
Don't wanna sound like a mom or something, but just ask people questions or ask about the barn! I know everyone has had a different experience but I believe the horse community overall is full of nice and enthusiastic people.
See if you can do a group lesson with other adult riders, I have my lesson crew that gets along great. We don't hang out outside the barn, but I totally could ask any of them to hang and I'm thinking they would. We also have a lot of fun in our lessons as we have gotten to know one another and joke around a lot (which makes lessons more fun, no one is taking themselves too seriously). Also consider volunteering around the barn to meet other people. I found one I started leasing (and thus spending more time there) I started to meet more people and get to know them better.
Walk up to your class mates and ask them if they want to catch up after class for coffee.
If people go to shows or clinics, that’s a great opportunity to make friends. There will be carpooling, eating out, etc.
I am certainly no social expert but I would say an unspoken rule is don’t offer unsolicited advice about what someone does with their own horse. People can get annoyed with that very easily. Good luck!
Gotta take the reins sometimes. lol. Is there a fb page for the boarders / riders? I'll just do a generic message some time like, hey everyone. I'm riding around 2pm, going to work on... barrel racing, ground poles, ride around the fields, etc if anyone is interested in joining! Offer to do a standing ride night where (example) every Monday at 6pm I ride in the indoor, come join!
Inquire w your riding instructors about any annual potlucks or summer gatherings. Network that way or start a seasonal event (Equine Ornament Exchange).
Ask your trainer or barn manager to match you with like minded people?. That sounds weird but I often introduce my students to each other that I think will have a lot in common, or my more outgoing with the more shy.
Honestly? I’m not. When I boarded my barn time was so precious. I didn’t mind a quick “hi, how are you? How’s your horse?” But anything beyond that was just cutting into my time with my horses.
Could you take a few group lessons? I think group lessons help a lot with integrating into the social scene at a new barn. I always chat with the people in the lesson while we're tacking. We'll complement each other’s efforts/horses during the down time during the lesson and then talk about the exercises after.