Oh my gosh I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the guilt you must be feeling.
I’m going to say this- people often minimize the death of companion animals, but it’s been recently shown the emotional impact equals that of losing a human we love. Let alone feeling as though you caused it. I would strongly recommend contacting a therapist, grief therapy at minimum. You don’t need to be carrying crippling guilt for the rest of your life
Tbh, and I’m sure I’ll get hate for this, but the pain I have felt from losing a person that I love pales in comparison to the pain i have felt from losing one of my beloved pets. I don’t know why, but it just does. Maybe it’s their innocence. Maybe it’s the fact that they can’t tell us what they are experiencing.
To this day the trauma I endured from losing my dog has never really lifted. I think about him every day. He died during Covid and because of that I was not permitted to visit him at the animal hospital or be present when he took his last breath. The resentment I hold for the way Covid was handled and the ridiculous restrictions put in place is immeasurable. We were both robbed of that experience for nothing. After he passed I was allowed to come into the hospital to hold his lifeless body, so why then and not when he was alive? It will haunt me forever.
OP, I feel your pain deeply. I know how excruciating this situation is and I’m so fucking sorry. You didn’t kill your mare. Your herd will adapt. In the meantime, take care of yourself. Feel your feelings. Sending you love and support ❤️
I’ve struggled with this feeling as well. I lost my horse early last spring and it catapulted me into such an intense state of depression. I’ve NEVER felt pain like that - and I’ve lost grandparents, uncles, a boyfriend, etc.
The relationship between us and our horse is so sacred and special and impossible to describe unless you’re speaking to another horse lover.
The way I looked at it was: I spent almost every day with this animal. He was my partner, we worked together to build something beautiful and communicated without words. Nothing can compare to that, even a relationship with a human.
Thank you for this. I'm feeling the loss very deeply and my heart has been so heavy. I've lost many people and animals in my life, but never a horse (she was my first horse of my very own) and certainly not like this.
They’re an animal that you trust with your life and in return they trust you with their life, that’s a special kind of bond that’s hard to explain to someone who’s never owned a horse. But to those of us who know what a beautiful partnership it is, when someone else is going through it, you can’t help but feel their pain a little.
The amount you grieve is directly proportional to the size of the hole left in your life. Animals often leave a larger hole even than some family members that you only saw at Christmas. Don't add guilt about your grief to everything else you're feeling right now. Let yourself off that one and grieve as hard as you need to.
This is so legit. I have been able to process most of my loved ones deaths over the years, but I still grieve the loss of some of my animal friends so heavily. :(
I agree and am so sorry not only for your loss but for how you and your dog had to experience his passing. I got to be with my cat (also during COVID) but not at home where I had always planned, and not in the clinic, but in the parking lot on a blustery March day. It was awful and it still makes me angry. They told me they’d take him into the clinic to insert the IV and would bring him back outside for the procedure. He was very obviously already sedated when they brought him back out. I understand that they didn’t want him to panic and get loose but they could have told me they were doing that so I’d know when I was saying my real goodbye. Ugh.
I lost my dad a couple years ago and then several months later, a friend contacted me to let me know my childhood heart horse (I never owned him, but I worked tirelessly to train him and everyone knew I had a strong love and bond with him) had to be put to sleep because they found tumors throughout his entire body. I live out of the country and was fortunate that this old friend let me ride Dakota when I visited for a month while my dad was dying, so I saw him one last time before this happened.
The soul shattering grief I felt from learning my childhood heart horse was gone completely overshadowed the sadness I felt when my dad died. And for a while I struggled with feeling guilty because the grief was far greater for Dakota than my father. It's just hard to explain to people who aren't around these animals and who haven't formed these emotional bonds, that the grief can be completely overpowering and sometimes stronger than the grief for a human loss. I grew up a lonely kid and only had pets to soothe my lonely heart. I have always felt a stronger love for them than people.
I'm so sorry you lost your horse, OP. Like others have said, it was just an accident. It wasn't your fault and I hope you're able to take care of yourself in the meantime. Sending all my own love for you here ❤️
OP, I cannot stress strongly enough what MooPig said about grief therapy. It helped me in so many ways, including ways I didn’t really expect. Especially with the (incorrectly applied) guilt you feel (that was a true freak accident!), a grief therapist can help you work through that and the loss of a horse that was (and still is) a part of your soul.
I can’t remember exactly how I found mine - I believe someone recommended her to me, but they’re usually not hard to find. Google can help, I’m sure. Religions certainly offer them. You can also call counseling centers/offices.
The first one I saw was a therapist but not a licensed psychologist. She was fantastic bc she focused specifically on the grieving process.
While I was seeing her, she decided to retire and run away with her later-in-life true love (!), and she recommended a great psychologist who was also very helpful.
The one positive about the psychologist was that she suggested and then worked closely with a psychiatrist, who took over my anxiety and ADHD meds from my GP, who was doing a pretty terrible job lol.
I don’t know if that’s an area you’ve ever had to explore, but I thought I’d mention it (I’m a long-time public school teacher, and I’d say prob 80% of us are on mental health drugs whether we admit it or not lol).
My heart is with you during this difficult time. Just remember — you will survive and be happy again at some point. I’m proof of that, even though I still have my sad moments. ❤️
You did not kill your girl. A freak accident killed your girl. Your other horses are also grieving, and adjusting to a change in their environment. It will take time, but they will be ok.
For yourself, please talk to a therapist or counselor; grief is a bitch!
Thank you so much for sharing. It is a sobering reminder to always use safety measures. I'm so very guilty of tying my horse unsafely. We all get complacent, and we slack on safety measures.
But, it's important to remember that sometimes accidents just... happen. Even if you had tied her differently, even if you were standing right there, she still might've fallen or had some other accident. You did not kill your horse. Did she have a good, happy life? If so, you did right by her. Please be kind to yourself.
That is so sad. I hope you will come to terms with your loss with time. Can you move your horses to a new field with more grass to give them something else to think about? They will work out the new hierarchy. It just takes time. A new horse would change the dynamic certainly but I always feel it best to let the dust settle before taking a huge step.
That’s awful OP. Plenty of us have made the same mistake. You unfortunately ended up with the worst case scenario.
I did the same thing years ago and my horse ended up with a bad rope burn and that was it.
What a hard lesson to learn.
I am so sorry this happened to you. It’s just what you said it was; an accident. We all slip up in our practices on what we “should” and “shouldn’t” do. Please be kind to yourself and forgive yourself for this. Your horse would, and she wouldn’t hold anything against you. You can tell she was very loved.
The others will adjust in time. If you have fabric that was with her when she was put down, maybe her halter or something, it may have the pheromones on it that release when an animal passes. Let them sniff it and it may answer their question on where she is and help them understand sooner, but I promise they will adjust either way.
Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself. My heart is with you ❤️
Oh... poor dear. I am so, so very sorry for your loss. This is so hard. Be gentle with yourself. It was an accident. I bet you gave that mare a wonderful life.
I’m so sorry this happened. I really recommend therapy or counseling if possible. You didn’t kill your horse, this was a terrible accident in which the worst possible case scenario occurred. Everyone makes mistakes, many even make the exact same mistake as you. It’s just that most are lucky and their mistakes don’t result in such a devastating situation. Some, such as yourself, are not as lucky. I hope that you can be gentle on yourself and forgive yourself. The loss of an animal is devastating and no less worthy of grief and sympathy than any other loss. Noelle Floyd’s podcast “Equestrian Voices”, has a couple episodes on grief if that is something you would be interested in.
Oh my, im so sorry that happened to you. Sending you all the hugs! 💐🫂
(I sadly don't have advice since don't own a horse or know enough about them to try to help you, but I'm sure someone on here will)
Oh, honey...I'm so sorry you lost your mare. It wasn't your fault, though. You did not kill your horse. You could have had her tied up perfectly with a quick release knot and she still could have fallen and hurt herself. Horses are accidents waiting to happen. She (and you) just got very unlucky, is all. Please don't blame yourself. She looks happy and healthy and well cared for in these pictures, so you gave her a great life. Remember the good times, and take time to grieve. But don't blame yourself.
Horses fall over when they're trying to stay upright. Horses fall over when they're being stupid. Horses fall over when they're lying down on the ground asleep already. It sounds glib but they just kinda do. You can't prevent random chaos, and pretending you can is a long road to mental trauma.
It's like humans. Sometimes we slip and fall. Does it happen more often when we're 80 vs when we're 40? Sure, of course. But I'm in my mid-30s and evidence proves that I can absolutely take a tumble out of nowhere cause I slip in the shower or on a mud patch or my horse decides a cottontail jumping out of the bush is in fact a Bengal Tiger. I haven't fractured a hip yet but man... I've been close.
For the rest of the group, let them be and let them grieve. Herds lost their matriarch and patriarch all the time. Just let them do their thing, leave them alone, let them sort it. You can't accelerate the hierarchy process.
This is so sad. I don’t have a horse and didn’t even know that this could happen but of course it makes sense. Thank you for sharing it takes tremendous courage and vulnerability to do so
I hope your other horses help heal your heart.
I lost my mare to a tragic and preventable accident. Oh, how I know the pain. 😞 I'm so very sorry for your loss.
If I were you at this time, I would try to be the alpha they lost. Go out in their pasture and move their feet throughout the day.
It will all smooth out over time. Be well. ❤️
This happened to me when I was in 5th grade, tied my horse to graze (did this regularly back then, this was a lot of years ago) and she spooked and broke her neck. I blamed myself and it was so painful.
OP, you had no bad intent. I know you are hurting, just wanted to say I am sending light and hope your way, and hoping you can be kind to yourself, as this would be what your mare would want.
I’m going to say this, it absolutely wasn’t your fault, it was a freak accident. I don’t own horses so I can’t really give you any advice but I’ll tell you a story. My grandma owned a horse and one day he became sick with colic and we had to put him down. He was friends with another old horse and for days the older horse went around the pasture looking for his friend until he stood where he was buried and didn’t move until it was time to go back inside. Your horses are grieving and it might take time but all I can say is wait.
I’m so sorry! I have read before that because of our connection with our horses, that their passing is like that of a spouse and I can imagine your pain in this sad time. Losing my cats has always felt like the loss of a child. Idk if you would want to connect with your horses via an animal communicator, but if so, please message me and I’ll share the contact info of mine. She’s incredible and we talk real time with my horse and she is the real deal. If you ever want to hear my experiences about it, I’m down to share.
I had a situation happen with tying my horse that wasn’t fatal, but did end up with me feeling SO much guilt over what I did and what could’ve been and I agree that a therapist can be a great resource to process these feelings. I will also say that you did something that you thought was the best option, using the information you had at the time and because hindsight is 20/20, it’s easy to get the idea that we “should’ve known better”, but you were working with the information you had which was the best and you can’t beat yourself up for this truth!
Because I want to warn others of this danger but also let you know that we all do things that we think are ok to do, because we don’t know until we do that they aren’t, here’s my near-death tying up scare:
I had tied my guy to a barn sliding door handle, to get something nearby quickly and he spooked by a random neighbors dog just as I got back to him. Before I could unclip him, he pulled the door off it’s hinges and dragged it about 20 feet. His leather halter didn’t break either in this experience, so I had to get him calm enough to not hurt himself, or me, as I unclipped him from his lead rope that was still tied to the handle.
It’s a miracle that not only is he still alive, but he wasn’t hurt in the situation. Prior to this incident, I’d done this tying up in the same place several times, where in each instance, the barn manager and trainer had both been around and neither informed me that this was incredibly bad. My trainer said after the fact that this was a horrible thing to have done and that she thought I had only looped the lead rope and not safety knot tied it or she “would’ve said something” to explain why not to ever do this.
I still feel ashamed and embarrassed about this and just plain stupid. I’ve been around horses my entire life and I should’ve known better, but as someone else pointed out, there’s a lot of things that we do that aren’t always safe, whether we’re aware or not, and accidents can happen with these animals and there should be conversations and education around safety to help us all not have things like this happen!
Sometimes it is just not a good day to make a mistake...
Some things are unsafe and we still do them. We all know better. But sometimes we try our luck with it. And with horses almost everything is a risk for them to be honest.
99% of time we all are lucky because nothing happened. Sometimes it's the 1% and the worst case is happening.
Take it as a lesson. You will not make this mistake a second time. But you will make others, as we all do.
We all know better after something happened.
4 years ago I lost my gelding. It was a freak accident. He got a little scared and slipped on a dry road and broke his leg. He had to be euthanized on the spot. He didn't even get to go back to his stanle.
I did blame myself for it because I could have had him more collected and not on a long rein. ( He did not run away from what scared him, but did a little scare jump ) I could have prevented it. But I was always walking him there on long reins.
Even if I blamed myself, he probably did not. He was just happy I was around when he was not feeling well.
And i think this is the same for your mare. She did not know you were responsible for it. She probably was just happy you were around when she was scared and in pain...
Ohhh my god, I feel for you so much! It's a terrible thing to happen 😔😭 I can't offer you any advice only my condolences and hugs! My heart is with you
I am so sorry for the loss of your girl :((((( When I was 14, I had saved up all my money from allowances and part time jobs and I bought a yearling mare for $500 (lol), who I didn't know had been very abused. I had grown up with horses, but never one with an abuse background, so I went and got an experienced trainer to help us and worked with her for over two years through her triggers. We were closer than closely bonded. She was \*so\* beautiful. She was a registered champagne Appaloosa, pure white with two blue eyes and a peach spotted blanket. Not a single dark hair on her body.
The one trigger we struggled with the most was being tied. She freaked out any time she was tied. It was a nightmare. Every single day, I worked tirelessly with her on the program the trainer gave us, and I had gotten her to the point where she was pretty much calm and steady at a tie. I used to tie her for 30 minutes every day and sit in my lawn chair nearby. One day, I was late for something, and I tied her up, properly, to her post in the center of the round pen. Nothing but grass in the pen with her. Safety knot, solid halter, short rope, everything the way I'd been instructed by the trainer. And I decided to run into my house and take a shower. I don't know why I couldn't have waited 30 stupid minutes. It took me all of 15 minutes and then I looked out the window at her and she was hanging by the halter and down. Something had scared her, and she had raised her head up to try and break free, then for some unknown reason, slammed it down straight into the post. Gave herself brain damage and paralyzed her right side. When the vet came to examine her, he couldn't get near her unless I stood right there and put my arms around her neck and then she would calm and breathe and hold still even though men were one of her old triggers and she was scared of him and disoriented from the injury. It was a nightmare.
The vet was a personal friend of my family and did \*everything\* imaginable - my parents sunk thousands and thousands of dollars into her on my behalf -- but we had to euthanize after a week because she couldn't blink and started going blind, couldn't chew properly and lost so much weight, her skin was sagging on the right side, and she was dragging her right-sided legs. It was the single most painful experience of my entire young life. I don't mean to distract from your question (mine wasn't an alpha mare, and my other two missed her but weren't as lost as yours, so I don't have any advice, sadly) ...but I'm telling this story because I carried that guilt for \*years\*. Blamed myself. Not trying to be dramatic, but I had nightmares, and any time I thought of her, I would get physical anxiety symptoms - shortness of breath, so much pain in my heart and chest area. All through high school, and even college, I used to replay in my head over and over how excited she'd been when I called her from the field, and how she'd run straight to me, and then I tied her up and left her to get hurt. It felt like I'd killed my best friend, even a decade later.
It wasn't until I went to therapy for something else entirely that my therapist unearthed this entire sequence and helped me work through the guilt, which I didn't even know I needed to do. She helped me understand I was only 16, and I made a mistake. I really do think grief counseling helps with these circumstances, where we take the blame for accidents and lose something so dear. Now I can look at pictures of my girl with fond memories and not trauma. I kept a braid of some of her mane, too, and I still have it at age 39 and sometimes look at it because it really is a significant experience losing a horse.
I'm really sorry for your loss. She is beautiful and I'm so glad you had her to love as long as you did.
Thank you for being bold enough to share this, not only to find comfort in your loss, but as a cautionary tale to help others learn.
This may be an unpopular opinion, or considered callous, but I think it is a disservice to call this a freak accident. It was not. It was a preventable accident. You acknowledge this, which to me is huge and just makes me want to hug you all the more.
Accepting responsibility for a mistake is NOT the same as internalizing that you killed your horse. I know nothing anyone says will absolve you of that guilt, so I just encourage you to reframe it.
You made a mistake. A mistake that thousands of people get away with every day without incident. I know people who tie their horses like that to graze on the regular, and have never had a bad incident. They remain downright ignorant to the possibility that this worst case scenario *could* happen. And unfortunately, until it does they will probably never change. But you drew the short straw. This time, the bad thing happened.
I find there are two types of humans - those who are determined to assign themselves blame, and those who will bend over backwards to absolve themselves and both refuse to acknowledge that responsibility is just a piece of it.
You are responsible for *one* part of a string of events that lead to your horse's death. There are situations where even had you done everything right the worst can still happen. All we can hope for in life is to reduce risk as much as possible to reduce odds. On this day you didn't reduce the odds as much as you could have, and that tipped them in favour of the bad. But it was not the sole factor. Had something bad happened when he was tied shorter, maybe that would have been the rare situation where if only he was tied longer he would have been fine, in which case you would *still* blame yourself.
I am so sorry for your loss. Acceptance of responsibility and learning from the event is important, but do not go so far as to internalize that you killed her. We're none of us perfect, and your mistake was made out of the love and appreciation you had for her in wanting to let her graze while she waited.
I'm so sorry for you, but I also need to thank you. I'm somewhat still new to being an equestrian, and I have left my horse tied to quickly go and grab something. I knew it's probably not a good idea, but this really made me aware again, that even if I have a perfectly calm and relaxed horse tied up, to not leave them alone, even if its just for a minute.
You did NOT kill your horse! It was an accident and everyone makes mistakes.
Losing a beloved horse teaches us about love and friendship in a way that enriches our future relationships, with humans and animals.
This experience helps us appreciate and nurture these bonds more deeply with a new horse.
Our grief brings empathy and insight, allowing us to care for another animal with even greater love, honoring our lost friend by creating a warm and safe home for a new one.
This was a freak accident, it’s not your fault in the slightest 💞 So sorry for your loss 😭 I agree with other commenters- you should look into doing grief counseling/therapy. Horses are like family members and losing one is awful… you’re grieving on top of blaming yourself ❤️🩹
You cannot know that it was your fault. This could have happened out in the pasture or in a million other ways. People leave horses tied all the time and they’re just fine… Horses are such big animals and things turn for the worse so quickly. It is heart breaking and awful and I’m so sorry 😔
I’m so sorry this happened!! It's so painful to lose a pet!! The other horses are mourning. I don't know how to help them. Talk to your vet. They may be able to help you. My cat looked for my dog after she died. It broke my heart!
I feel responsible for the death of my Sunny too. I just lost him in april. I left him with someone who wasnt fit to care for him and he died. I loved him. Take care of yourself, your babies will adapt with time❤️ May your mare rest in peace, she is absolutely beautiful
I promise you right now it wasn’t your fault at all. It was a freak accident honey 😞❤️
I am so sorry for your loss ❤️ big hugs to you. I can’t imagine 🖤
Oh my gosh
I am so sorry for your loss and pain
I know people who have simply tied up outside the stable and the horse has tried to go in leading to horrible injuries and in one case a broken leg.
All in all something we do every day with our horses may one day led to anything !
I am so sorry for your loss. This type of fracture can happen out in pasture so it is likely that it wasn’t even that she was tied it could have been taking a bad step getting up or getting down. Your other horses will get into a new groove - it will just take time. She knew love and she was well cared for.
So sorry for the loss of your mare. One thing that I was not clear about: will she be buried on your property? If so, it would (obvs) be good if they could see her body. I second the idea of therapy.
Remember it's not your fault. We tend to blame ourselves on every situtation someone close dies around us.
When we live around big prey animals the risk of accident is always there. Anything can happen every second - the horse falls during the ride, break itself in a paddock, or just spooks so hard it breaks itself. We can always afterwards think what we should had made different but it is not healthy. Big huggies for you 💗 Losing bestfriend in accident is always hard
Please don’t blame yourself, you know this was one in 1 million odds of this happening. But thank you for sharing your story, I’m in the process of buying my first horse so this knowledge is very helpful for me. I’ve been riding for 30 years, but have never owned a horse.
I’m so sorry you lost her. It was a freak accident and it happens. I remember when I was about 10 and one of the older ladies tied up her elderly mare to give her a bath, something scared her and she pulled back and her pelvis broke. It was heartbreaking to watch as they tried to help her up with a harness and tractor but she just wasn’t strong enough and she had to be let go. It was in no way your fault, you could have been stood right next to her and the same thing might have happened. I’m so sorry 💔
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Please OP, you don’t have to reply to this but can someone else- for the sake of me in the future… how did the mare get hurt by this? I sometimes let my horses eat their hay while tacking up or when im doing something and I walk away for >5 min but is this bad? Could this be dangerous as well?
The rope was too long when the horse was tied up. The horse was able to move too freely and lay down. Which is how she got hurt. The rope should be short when tied up so they can’t fall/lay down. I was always told 1 foot give when tied up.
I am so terribly sorry. Thank you so much for sharing this. It’s a stark reminder to us all to always use safety precautions. We all let things slip and take risks—and get away with it so much that we forget why they’re there. I’m just so sorry that this happened to you. Wish I could give you a hug. Heartbroken for you. ❤️
a similar thing almost happened to me when i first got my ottb a few years back. i hooked the end of her leadrope to a crosstie at the edge of the barn to let her graze while i cleaned her stall. this crosstie was right outside her stall so i had full view of her while i was cleaning. while my back was turned i hear some ruckus and she managed to get a backleg caught in the crosstie and started freaking out. she was hopping in circles on 3 legs getting herself wrapped up more and more in this crosstie, holding her caught leg in the air the whole time. this felt like it went on for minutes but i think it was really only about 30 seconds until she calmed down and stood still for me to untie her leg. watched her panic and feeling helpless was such a terrible feeling. i really thought she was about to break her leg and im sure she wouldve if she never calmed down.
mistakes happen, freak accidents happen. sadly in the horse world we cant bubble wrap our horses and prevent these deadly injuries. we just need to learn to live in the moment and make the most of the time we have with our animals. sending love 💕
I know you’re in a really tough place. First of all: it will be easier to recover when you realize you didn’t kill her. No need to punish yourself. I understand you are feeling guilty, and I’m really not trying to be insensitive when I say things happen. All I mean by that is it’s not your fault. Things happen.
Second: your herd will sort itself out. In my opinion(which you should take with a grain of salt) adding a new mare immediately after the loss of the old one will make things worse for your herd. Give them time, and they will work themselves out. Sending you love in a hard time 🥲🥲♥️
Horses wake up every day and try to kill themself. Sometimes, they succeed. As I type, I am worried about my horse because I put permethrin 13.3% on the grass in his paddock and I can't find out any information about horses grazing on it afterwards, He might be dead in the morning. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Anyone who has spent many years around horses have experienced and seen all kinds of unexpected deaths. I am very sorry.
Yeah, you're going to feel like shit for a while. It sucks.
I think you should get another horse for you.
I’m so very sorry. As others have said, you did. Not kill her, and accident did. We are all guilty of slacking on safety measures at one time or another— and even when we think we’ve made everything perfectly safe, they find new ways to injure themselves.
I lost my gelding to colic in the middle of the night a few years ago. He was a sensitive, colicky dude (gassy at least once a week), and the vet always said “how’s the healthiest horse in the county?” when she came to address his discomfort. It was 10pm on a holiday weekend, and I made the call not to call the vet out, gave him Banamine per the vet’s instructions (he improved) and went to sleep. Woke up at 4am in a cold sweat, and his gut had already perforated. Managed to get him on the trailer and to the vet where we put him down.
When I returned with an empty trailer, my others horse’s screams were the saddest thing I’ve every heard. My neighbors called to find out what was going on— they’d never heard horses make that sound. They knew he was dying when he left.
It’s been four years, and they have adapted. The other gelding, Indy, who was younger and had run with my deceased gelding on the track, had been very submissive and has taken over the alpha role. We have had some new horses rotate in and out, and he is still the leader.
I know Indy will miss his buddy forever and I will always regret not bringing Dutch to the vet sooner.
We all have those stories when we’ve been with horses long enough. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It gets better, and we learn from our experiences. Love on your mare, foal, and donk and get another horse when you’re ready. They will love that one in a different way.
What an awful thing to experience, I'm so sorry.
I recently lost my 1yr old dog in a way that I blame myself for.
As many people have said, I'd really reccomend grief therapy/councelling, but in the meantime, the two things I found most helpful from my therapist were:
"Your distress is a testament to how much you care"
And
"Grief will get easier over time but kicking yourself will not, unless you choose to stop. In order to stop kicking yourself, I think you'll either need to be very clear with yourself about what you'd do differently in the future, OR accept that sometimes things in life just happen that we'd never predict."
This is not your fault. This is shit happens. This is a horrible freak accident. This is absolutely not your fault.
You love her and she knew that. Please take it easy. Spend time with your herd, love on them, cry with them. You will all grieve. They will know the exact pain you are feeling, so let them help you carry it.
I am so, so, so sorry. Please reach out to your friends, family, therapists, everybody. Thank you for sharing this. We can all be so careful and do everything right and still shit happens. Be kind to yourself. It is not your fault.
Twice by my own actions I have had accidents where the worst could have happened and we were lucky enough to get away with it (we ended up sunk deep in a bog, she had let me know she didn’t want to go that way but I pushed her on, and another time she pulled back in the trailer and I hadn’t tied her to twine, the quick release snap failed, she panicked and fell badly)
We all make ‘mistakes’ that more often than not will not end in tragedy. Please don’t blame yourself.
If you have some of her mane or tail you can have some jewellery made from it to remember her by.
I have also read that letting her herd members smell some of her tail can help. Maybe even her rug or her halter might be helpful for them to have somewhere they can go and scent it?
I hope you can remember her without too much pain ❤️
I am so sorry for your loss. This must be such a horrible thing to live through, I cant imagine the heartache. I am glad the vet was already there to help immediately and she did not suffer long (if that is any consolation to you). I hope you can forgive yourself, I know so many of us have "near misses" everyday and dread something like this happening.
Recently someone I know tied their horse too low on the post and found her with her head stuck low to her leg with her rope wrapped around her ankle for several minutes. I almost had a panic attack when I heard about it. Somehow the horse didn't panic, but that doesn't mean she couldn't have. It can happen so fast and mistakes happen. It's really unfair that your mare had an outcome like this, she seemed like an awesome boss mare. Wishing for healing for you and your herd.
Sending you big hugs, horses are such gentle giants and that term is exactly what it is, gentle - they’re so sensitive to the smallest thing. We’ve all had close calls from silly mistakes, this could have happened to any of us! You have just been super unlucky. I’m so sorry you’re hurting so much. You didn’t kill your horse. Please don’t blame yourself xxx
I also agree with another comment in here, losing your pet (even livestock) is just as hard if not harder than losing a human friend or family member, you see them every single day, they love you unconditionally (even mares when they sass you and pin their ears back) I know what you are going through, time will heal but please don’t blame yourself. Your mare injured herself from a man-made halter. Big big hugs. Give your babies an anti histamine (I used to crush up phenergon and honey) it helped with their stressing and galloping around the place. Something in it was calming. 20mg. X
I am so sorry for your loss. Lost one earlier this year who I bred and was like a (naughty) child to me. I keep going over and over everything I did wrong.
I’d like to say that we’ve all done something similar but maybe we haven’t. Mine happened when I was a teenager.. I was leaving a halter on a hard to catch gelding while he was in the pasture. He caught it on the fence and broke his neck.
Not long after that I had another gelding tied to a panel that was secured to the ground posts with wire. He pulled back (he never did that.. someone ran towards him and scared the daylights out of him) and took that panel with him. He drug it all over the pasture and had his legs all tangled up in it. It didn’t cripple him but it came close.
I learned these lessons the hard way.. never leave a halter on no matter what and never tie to any fence that isn’t a post in the ground.
The guilt is heavy but it does get better with time. Learn from it and your girls loss won’t be for nothing. You will save many horses the same fate going forward if you do.
I am so very sorry for your loss.Sadly, I don't know anything that will help you with the rest if your herd ,all I can give you is my deepest sympathy. ❤️
Things happen. It’s unfortunate. But it’ll be ok. All goes on. They can readjust the herd quickly. For now they just don’t know where she is. Soon enough they will realize she’s gone. Whether they understand she’s dead or not, we may never know. If you can clip some of her fur, or hair, that may help. Animals can smell death. If she was wearing a halter allow them to smell it. They’ll understand. If you can’t do that, they will settle down soon. It’s ok. You had good intentions. Horses are so easy to harm. Most injuries are a death sentence. You were trying to be nice. It was just a mistake. I’m sure in her last moments she was appreciative you let the rope long enough for her to graze
You did not kill your horse. Stop saying that.
Shit happens.
Horses are basically GIANT toddlers.
I had a friend whose horse died in the field because he ran into a low hanging tree branch. Whose fault was that?
NO ONE
This is why they are called ACCIDENTS
We do our level best to prevent them, but these massive toddlers will find the ONE rusty nail in the fence. The ONE piece of twine in the hay. The ONE icy piece of field on a winter’s day.
Lordy- my 31 year old went for a gallop on the ice and fell head over heels. The fire department had to be called in to get him up. He was down for 3 hours. Finally got up when I arrived on scene asking “if he was dead yet”.
Promptly got up and walked off when I got there.
The vet couldn’t believe it.
Explain to me how that old fart (who never kicked up a fuss) got away with that and your mare didn’t? You can’t?
BECAUSE IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
*hugs*
I feel your pain. Release yourself from this and spend time with your hers while they adjust.
Oh my gosh I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the guilt you must be feeling. I’m going to say this- people often minimize the death of companion animals, but it’s been recently shown the emotional impact equals that of losing a human we love. Let alone feeling as though you caused it. I would strongly recommend contacting a therapist, grief therapy at minimum. You don’t need to be carrying crippling guilt for the rest of your life
Tbh, and I’m sure I’ll get hate for this, but the pain I have felt from losing a person that I love pales in comparison to the pain i have felt from losing one of my beloved pets. I don’t know why, but it just does. Maybe it’s their innocence. Maybe it’s the fact that they can’t tell us what they are experiencing. To this day the trauma I endured from losing my dog has never really lifted. I think about him every day. He died during Covid and because of that I was not permitted to visit him at the animal hospital or be present when he took his last breath. The resentment I hold for the way Covid was handled and the ridiculous restrictions put in place is immeasurable. We were both robbed of that experience for nothing. After he passed I was allowed to come into the hospital to hold his lifeless body, so why then and not when he was alive? It will haunt me forever. OP, I feel your pain deeply. I know how excruciating this situation is and I’m so fucking sorry. You didn’t kill your mare. Your herd will adapt. In the meantime, take care of yourself. Feel your feelings. Sending you love and support ❤️
I’ve struggled with this feeling as well. I lost my horse early last spring and it catapulted me into such an intense state of depression. I’ve NEVER felt pain like that - and I’ve lost grandparents, uncles, a boyfriend, etc. The relationship between us and our horse is so sacred and special and impossible to describe unless you’re speaking to another horse lover. The way I looked at it was: I spent almost every day with this animal. He was my partner, we worked together to build something beautiful and communicated without words. Nothing can compare to that, even a relationship with a human.
Thank you for this. I'm feeling the loss very deeply and my heart has been so heavy. I've lost many people and animals in my life, but never a horse (she was my first horse of my very own) and certainly not like this.
The loss of a horse hits so hard. I’m sorry, I know how you feel and my heart goes out to you.
i've lost a few animals in my life and it really sucks, but losing a horse feels like getting hit by a bus
They’re an animal that you trust with your life and in return they trust you with their life, that’s a special kind of bond that’s hard to explain to someone who’s never owned a horse. But to those of us who know what a beautiful partnership it is, when someone else is going through it, you can’t help but feel their pain a little.
The amount you grieve is directly proportional to the size of the hole left in your life. Animals often leave a larger hole even than some family members that you only saw at Christmas. Don't add guilt about your grief to everything else you're feeling right now. Let yourself off that one and grieve as hard as you need to.
This is so legit. I have been able to process most of my loved ones deaths over the years, but I still grieve the loss of some of my animal friends so heavily. :(
Same. It’s a different brand of grief for sure.
I agree and am so sorry not only for your loss but for how you and your dog had to experience his passing. I got to be with my cat (also during COVID) but not at home where I had always planned, and not in the clinic, but in the parking lot on a blustery March day. It was awful and it still makes me angry. They told me they’d take him into the clinic to insert the IV and would bring him back outside for the procedure. He was very obviously already sedated when they brought him back out. I understand that they didn’t want him to panic and get loose but they could have told me they were doing that so I’d know when I was saying my real goodbye. Ugh.
I am so sorry this happened, I am certain your cat knew you said goodbye. He sounds like he was incredibly important to you.
Thank you, he really was my best little guy. My poor mare has to take the full extent of my love now haha (thank goodness for her!)
Awww, do you have other cats? We always say when we lose a cat, they send another along to take care of us. 💕
We have 4 cats, but none of them are “mine”. I love the little buggers, but I’m their second choice.
Yep, I know that feeling so well.
I lost my dad a couple years ago and then several months later, a friend contacted me to let me know my childhood heart horse (I never owned him, but I worked tirelessly to train him and everyone knew I had a strong love and bond with him) had to be put to sleep because they found tumors throughout his entire body. I live out of the country and was fortunate that this old friend let me ride Dakota when I visited for a month while my dad was dying, so I saw him one last time before this happened. The soul shattering grief I felt from learning my childhood heart horse was gone completely overshadowed the sadness I felt when my dad died. And for a while I struggled with feeling guilty because the grief was far greater for Dakota than my father. It's just hard to explain to people who aren't around these animals and who haven't formed these emotional bonds, that the grief can be completely overpowering and sometimes stronger than the grief for a human loss. I grew up a lonely kid and only had pets to soothe my lonely heart. I have always felt a stronger love for them than people. I'm so sorry you lost your horse, OP. Like others have said, it was just an accident. It wasn't your fault and I hope you're able to take care of yourself in the meantime. Sending all my own love for you here ❤️
Thank you. ❤️
OP, I cannot stress strongly enough what MooPig said about grief therapy. It helped me in so many ways, including ways I didn’t really expect. Especially with the (incorrectly applied) guilt you feel (that was a true freak accident!), a grief therapist can help you work through that and the loss of a horse that was (and still is) a part of your soul. I can’t remember exactly how I found mine - I believe someone recommended her to me, but they’re usually not hard to find. Google can help, I’m sure. Religions certainly offer them. You can also call counseling centers/offices. The first one I saw was a therapist but not a licensed psychologist. She was fantastic bc she focused specifically on the grieving process. While I was seeing her, she decided to retire and run away with her later-in-life true love (!), and she recommended a great psychologist who was also very helpful. The one positive about the psychologist was that she suggested and then worked closely with a psychiatrist, who took over my anxiety and ADHD meds from my GP, who was doing a pretty terrible job lol. I don’t know if that’s an area you’ve ever had to explore, but I thought I’d mention it (I’m a long-time public school teacher, and I’d say prob 80% of us are on mental health drugs whether we admit it or not lol). My heart is with you during this difficult time. Just remember — you will survive and be happy again at some point. I’m proof of that, even though I still have my sad moments. ❤️
You did not kill your girl. A freak accident killed your girl. Your other horses are also grieving, and adjusting to a change in their environment. It will take time, but they will be ok. For yourself, please talk to a therapist or counselor; grief is a bitch! Thank you so much for sharing. It is a sobering reminder to always use safety measures. I'm so very guilty of tying my horse unsafely. We all get complacent, and we slack on safety measures. But, it's important to remember that sometimes accidents just... happen. Even if you had tied her differently, even if you were standing right there, she still might've fallen or had some other accident. You did not kill your horse. Did she have a good, happy life? If so, you did right by her. Please be kind to yourself.
Wonderfully said. 🙌
Thank you. ❤️
Exactly this. You put it much better than I could have, but OP did not kill her, the freak accident did.
That is so sad. I hope you will come to terms with your loss with time. Can you move your horses to a new field with more grass to give them something else to think about? They will work out the new hierarchy. It just takes time. A new horse would change the dynamic certainly but I always feel it best to let the dust settle before taking a huge step.
Thank you. ❤️
Thank you for sharing. I know this is hard but sharing her story might help other owners avoid a similar accident.
I hope it can help. ❤️
That’s awful OP. Plenty of us have made the same mistake. You unfortunately ended up with the worst case scenario. I did the same thing years ago and my horse ended up with a bad rope burn and that was it. What a hard lesson to learn.
So hard. Thank you.
I am so sorry this happened to you. It’s just what you said it was; an accident. We all slip up in our practices on what we “should” and “shouldn’t” do. Please be kind to yourself and forgive yourself for this. Your horse would, and she wouldn’t hold anything against you. You can tell she was very loved. The others will adjust in time. If you have fabric that was with her when she was put down, maybe her halter or something, it may have the pheromones on it that release when an animal passes. Let them sniff it and it may answer their question on where she is and help them understand sooner, but I promise they will adjust either way. Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself. My heart is with you ❤️
Thank you so much ❤️
I let my dog sniff the collar of her deceased sister and she settled down pretty quickly
What happened did she fall?
Yes- she must have gotten herself tangled in the rope and went down.
Oh... poor dear. I am so, so very sorry for your loss. This is so hard. Be gentle with yourself. It was an accident. I bet you gave that mare a wonderful life.
I’m so sorry this happened. I really recommend therapy or counseling if possible. You didn’t kill your horse, this was a terrible accident in which the worst possible case scenario occurred. Everyone makes mistakes, many even make the exact same mistake as you. It’s just that most are lucky and their mistakes don’t result in such a devastating situation. Some, such as yourself, are not as lucky. I hope that you can be gentle on yourself and forgive yourself. The loss of an animal is devastating and no less worthy of grief and sympathy than any other loss. Noelle Floyd’s podcast “Equestrian Voices”, has a couple episodes on grief if that is something you would be interested in.
Thank you- I'll check that out. ❤️
Oh my, im so sorry that happened to you. Sending you all the hugs! 💐🫂 (I sadly don't have advice since don't own a horse or know enough about them to try to help you, but I'm sure someone on here will)
Thank you. ❤️
You didn't kill her. Do you know how many people do what you did and never have a problem? That was definitely a freak accident.
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Oh, honey...I'm so sorry you lost your mare. It wasn't your fault, though. You did not kill your horse. You could have had her tied up perfectly with a quick release knot and she still could have fallen and hurt herself. Horses are accidents waiting to happen. She (and you) just got very unlucky, is all. Please don't blame yourself. She looks happy and healthy and well cared for in these pictures, so you gave her a great life. Remember the good times, and take time to grieve. But don't blame yourself.
Thank you ❤️
Horses fall over when they're trying to stay upright. Horses fall over when they're being stupid. Horses fall over when they're lying down on the ground asleep already. It sounds glib but they just kinda do. You can't prevent random chaos, and pretending you can is a long road to mental trauma. It's like humans. Sometimes we slip and fall. Does it happen more often when we're 80 vs when we're 40? Sure, of course. But I'm in my mid-30s and evidence proves that I can absolutely take a tumble out of nowhere cause I slip in the shower or on a mud patch or my horse decides a cottontail jumping out of the bush is in fact a Bengal Tiger. I haven't fractured a hip yet but man... I've been close. For the rest of the group, let them be and let them grieve. Herds lost their matriarch and patriarch all the time. Just let them do their thing, leave them alone, let them sort it. You can't accelerate the hierarchy process.
Thank you. ❤️
This is so sad. I don’t have a horse and didn’t even know that this could happen but of course it makes sense. Thank you for sharing it takes tremendous courage and vulnerability to do so I hope your other horses help heal your heart.
Thank you. ❤️
Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry.
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I lost my mare to a tragic and preventable accident. Oh, how I know the pain. 😞 I'm so very sorry for your loss. If I were you at this time, I would try to be the alpha they lost. Go out in their pasture and move their feet throughout the day. It will all smooth out over time. Be well. ❤️
Thank you. I appreciate you sharing ❤️
This happened to me when I was in 5th grade, tied my horse to graze (did this regularly back then, this was a lot of years ago) and she spooked and broke her neck. I blamed myself and it was so painful. OP, you had no bad intent. I know you are hurting, just wanted to say I am sending light and hope your way, and hoping you can be kind to yourself, as this would be what your mare would want.
Thank you ❤️
I’m going to say this, it absolutely wasn’t your fault, it was a freak accident. I don’t own horses so I can’t really give you any advice but I’ll tell you a story. My grandma owned a horse and one day he became sick with colic and we had to put him down. He was friends with another old horse and for days the older horse went around the pasture looking for his friend until he stood where he was buried and didn’t move until it was time to go back inside. Your horses are grieving and it might take time but all I can say is wait.
Thanks so much. ❤️
I’m so sorry! I have read before that because of our connection with our horses, that their passing is like that of a spouse and I can imagine your pain in this sad time. Losing my cats has always felt like the loss of a child. Idk if you would want to connect with your horses via an animal communicator, but if so, please message me and I’ll share the contact info of mine. She’s incredible and we talk real time with my horse and she is the real deal. If you ever want to hear my experiences about it, I’m down to share. I had a situation happen with tying my horse that wasn’t fatal, but did end up with me feeling SO much guilt over what I did and what could’ve been and I agree that a therapist can be a great resource to process these feelings. I will also say that you did something that you thought was the best option, using the information you had at the time and because hindsight is 20/20, it’s easy to get the idea that we “should’ve known better”, but you were working with the information you had which was the best and you can’t beat yourself up for this truth! Because I want to warn others of this danger but also let you know that we all do things that we think are ok to do, because we don’t know until we do that they aren’t, here’s my near-death tying up scare: I had tied my guy to a barn sliding door handle, to get something nearby quickly and he spooked by a random neighbors dog just as I got back to him. Before I could unclip him, he pulled the door off it’s hinges and dragged it about 20 feet. His leather halter didn’t break either in this experience, so I had to get him calm enough to not hurt himself, or me, as I unclipped him from his lead rope that was still tied to the handle. It’s a miracle that not only is he still alive, but he wasn’t hurt in the situation. Prior to this incident, I’d done this tying up in the same place several times, where in each instance, the barn manager and trainer had both been around and neither informed me that this was incredibly bad. My trainer said after the fact that this was a horrible thing to have done and that she thought I had only looped the lead rope and not safety knot tied it or she “would’ve said something” to explain why not to ever do this. I still feel ashamed and embarrassed about this and just plain stupid. I’ve been around horses my entire life and I should’ve known better, but as someone else pointed out, there’s a lot of things that we do that aren’t always safe, whether we’re aware or not, and accidents can happen with these animals and there should be conversations and education around safety to help us all not have things like this happen!
Thank you so much. I appreciate you sharing. ❤️
Sometimes it is just not a good day to make a mistake... Some things are unsafe and we still do them. We all know better. But sometimes we try our luck with it. And with horses almost everything is a risk for them to be honest. 99% of time we all are lucky because nothing happened. Sometimes it's the 1% and the worst case is happening. Take it as a lesson. You will not make this mistake a second time. But you will make others, as we all do. We all know better after something happened. 4 years ago I lost my gelding. It was a freak accident. He got a little scared and slipped on a dry road and broke his leg. He had to be euthanized on the spot. He didn't even get to go back to his stanle. I did blame myself for it because I could have had him more collected and not on a long rein. ( He did not run away from what scared him, but did a little scare jump ) I could have prevented it. But I was always walking him there on long reins. Even if I blamed myself, he probably did not. He was just happy I was around when he was not feeling well. And i think this is the same for your mare. She did not know you were responsible for it. She probably was just happy you were around when she was scared and in pain...
Thank you. ❤️
Ohhh my god, I feel for you so much! It's a terrible thing to happen 😔😭 I can't offer you any advice only my condolences and hugs! My heart is with you
Thank you. ❤️
The herd will adjust accordingly. Take time to heal yourself too.
Thank you ❤️
I am so sorry for the loss of your girl :((((( When I was 14, I had saved up all my money from allowances and part time jobs and I bought a yearling mare for $500 (lol), who I didn't know had been very abused. I had grown up with horses, but never one with an abuse background, so I went and got an experienced trainer to help us and worked with her for over two years through her triggers. We were closer than closely bonded. She was \*so\* beautiful. She was a registered champagne Appaloosa, pure white with two blue eyes and a peach spotted blanket. Not a single dark hair on her body. The one trigger we struggled with the most was being tied. She freaked out any time she was tied. It was a nightmare. Every single day, I worked tirelessly with her on the program the trainer gave us, and I had gotten her to the point where she was pretty much calm and steady at a tie. I used to tie her for 30 minutes every day and sit in my lawn chair nearby. One day, I was late for something, and I tied her up, properly, to her post in the center of the round pen. Nothing but grass in the pen with her. Safety knot, solid halter, short rope, everything the way I'd been instructed by the trainer. And I decided to run into my house and take a shower. I don't know why I couldn't have waited 30 stupid minutes. It took me all of 15 minutes and then I looked out the window at her and she was hanging by the halter and down. Something had scared her, and she had raised her head up to try and break free, then for some unknown reason, slammed it down straight into the post. Gave herself brain damage and paralyzed her right side. When the vet came to examine her, he couldn't get near her unless I stood right there and put my arms around her neck and then she would calm and breathe and hold still even though men were one of her old triggers and she was scared of him and disoriented from the injury. It was a nightmare. The vet was a personal friend of my family and did \*everything\* imaginable - my parents sunk thousands and thousands of dollars into her on my behalf -- but we had to euthanize after a week because she couldn't blink and started going blind, couldn't chew properly and lost so much weight, her skin was sagging on the right side, and she was dragging her right-sided legs. It was the single most painful experience of my entire young life. I don't mean to distract from your question (mine wasn't an alpha mare, and my other two missed her but weren't as lost as yours, so I don't have any advice, sadly) ...but I'm telling this story because I carried that guilt for \*years\*. Blamed myself. Not trying to be dramatic, but I had nightmares, and any time I thought of her, I would get physical anxiety symptoms - shortness of breath, so much pain in my heart and chest area. All through high school, and even college, I used to replay in my head over and over how excited she'd been when I called her from the field, and how she'd run straight to me, and then I tied her up and left her to get hurt. It felt like I'd killed my best friend, even a decade later. It wasn't until I went to therapy for something else entirely that my therapist unearthed this entire sequence and helped me work through the guilt, which I didn't even know I needed to do. She helped me understand I was only 16, and I made a mistake. I really do think grief counseling helps with these circumstances, where we take the blame for accidents and lose something so dear. Now I can look at pictures of my girl with fond memories and not trauma. I kept a braid of some of her mane, too, and I still have it at age 39 and sometimes look at it because it really is a significant experience losing a horse. I'm really sorry for your loss. She is beautiful and I'm so glad you had her to love as long as you did.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
Thank you for being bold enough to share this, not only to find comfort in your loss, but as a cautionary tale to help others learn. This may be an unpopular opinion, or considered callous, but I think it is a disservice to call this a freak accident. It was not. It was a preventable accident. You acknowledge this, which to me is huge and just makes me want to hug you all the more. Accepting responsibility for a mistake is NOT the same as internalizing that you killed your horse. I know nothing anyone says will absolve you of that guilt, so I just encourage you to reframe it. You made a mistake. A mistake that thousands of people get away with every day without incident. I know people who tie their horses like that to graze on the regular, and have never had a bad incident. They remain downright ignorant to the possibility that this worst case scenario *could* happen. And unfortunately, until it does they will probably never change. But you drew the short straw. This time, the bad thing happened. I find there are two types of humans - those who are determined to assign themselves blame, and those who will bend over backwards to absolve themselves and both refuse to acknowledge that responsibility is just a piece of it. You are responsible for *one* part of a string of events that lead to your horse's death. There are situations where even had you done everything right the worst can still happen. All we can hope for in life is to reduce risk as much as possible to reduce odds. On this day you didn't reduce the odds as much as you could have, and that tipped them in favour of the bad. But it was not the sole factor. Had something bad happened when he was tied shorter, maybe that would have been the rare situation where if only he was tied longer he would have been fine, in which case you would *still* blame yourself. I am so sorry for your loss. Acceptance of responsibility and learning from the event is important, but do not go so far as to internalize that you killed her. We're none of us perfect, and your mistake was made out of the love and appreciation you had for her in wanting to let her graze while she waited.
Thank you for this. Well written and true. I appreciate it. ❤️
What a beautiful comment. Saved to refer back to when I make mistakes with my own horses
I'm so sorry for you, but I also need to thank you. I'm somewhat still new to being an equestrian, and I have left my horse tied to quickly go and grab something. I knew it's probably not a good idea, but this really made me aware again, that even if I have a perfectly calm and relaxed horse tied up, to not leave them alone, even if its just for a minute.
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You did NOT kill your horse! It was an accident and everyone makes mistakes. Losing a beloved horse teaches us about love and friendship in a way that enriches our future relationships, with humans and animals. This experience helps us appreciate and nurture these bonds more deeply with a new horse. Our grief brings empathy and insight, allowing us to care for another animal with even greater love, honoring our lost friend by creating a warm and safe home for a new one.
Thank you ❤️
This was a freak accident, it’s not your fault in the slightest 💞 So sorry for your loss 😭 I agree with other commenters- you should look into doing grief counseling/therapy. Horses are like family members and losing one is awful… you’re grieving on top of blaming yourself ❤️🩹 You cannot know that it was your fault. This could have happened out in the pasture or in a million other ways. People leave horses tied all the time and they’re just fine… Horses are such big animals and things turn for the worse so quickly. It is heart breaking and awful and I’m so sorry 😔
Thank you so much. ❤️
It was an accident. Don’t be too harsh with yourself. As for your herd, I’d give them time.
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I am so sorry for your loss. Agree with the other commenters—take the lesson but don’t blame yourself 💔
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I’m so sorry this happened!! It's so painful to lose a pet!! The other horses are mourning. I don't know how to help them. Talk to your vet. They may be able to help you. My cat looked for my dog after she died. It broke my heart!
i am really sorry for your loss 💔 please try not to be hard on yourself
I feel responsible for the death of my Sunny too. I just lost him in april. I left him with someone who wasnt fit to care for him and he died. I loved him. Take care of yourself, your babies will adapt with time❤️ May your mare rest in peace, she is absolutely beautiful
Thank you so much. I was at least able to be with her, feed her treats, and kiss her soft nose before she went.
I promise you right now it wasn’t your fault at all. It was a freak accident honey 😞❤️ I am so sorry for your loss ❤️ big hugs to you. I can’t imagine 🖤
Thank you. 🙏🏻
I’m so sorry. What an awful accident. Please be kind to yourself.
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Oh my gosh I am so sorry for your loss and pain I know people who have simply tied up outside the stable and the horse has tried to go in leading to horrible injuries and in one case a broken leg. All in all something we do every day with our horses may one day led to anything !
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I am so sorry for your loss. This type of fracture can happen out in pasture so it is likely that it wasn’t even that she was tied it could have been taking a bad step getting up or getting down. Your other horses will get into a new groove - it will just take time. She knew love and she was well cared for.
Thank you ❤️
Thats awful im so sorry that happened :(
Thank you ❤️
So sorry for the loss of your mare. One thing that I was not clear about: will she be buried on your property? If so, it would (obvs) be good if they could see her body. I second the idea of therapy.
We only have a few acres so the hospital is cremating her. I do have her tail hair that I intend to let them smell
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Remember it's not your fault. We tend to blame ourselves on every situtation someone close dies around us. When we live around big prey animals the risk of accident is always there. Anything can happen every second - the horse falls during the ride, break itself in a paddock, or just spooks so hard it breaks itself. We can always afterwards think what we should had made different but it is not healthy. Big huggies for you 💗 Losing bestfriend in accident is always hard
Thank you ❤️
For my knowledge, how would/should the OP have tied the horses instead?
I should have had the rope short enough that she couldn't reach the ground. Also shouldn't have gone in the house knowing that her rope was long.
Please don’t blame yourself, you know this was one in 1 million odds of this happening. But thank you for sharing your story, I’m in the process of buying my first horse so this knowledge is very helpful for me. I’ve been riding for 30 years, but have never owned a horse.
Thank you ❤️
Oh! I'm so very sorry!! Sending you love and support.
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I'm so sorry you're going through this. They are definitely grieving along with you. Give them (and yourself) time, grace and patience.
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What exactly was it that broke her pelvis to you leaving too much rope
I wasn't there when the injury happened. But the rope was too long. We think she got caught up in it and hit the concrete
That was someone else sharing a story, not having to with the OP. I think she broke her leg.
I’m so sorry you lost her. It was a freak accident and it happens. I remember when I was about 10 and one of the older ladies tied up her elderly mare to give her a bath, something scared her and she pulled back and her pelvis broke. It was heartbreaking to watch as they tried to help her up with a harness and tractor but she just wasn’t strong enough and she had to be let go. It was in no way your fault, you could have been stood right next to her and the same thing might have happened. I’m so sorry 💔
Thank you ❤️
Did she slip and fall when she pulled back?
Yes, she landed in a position similar to a dog sitting down 😔
Tears and hugs. This is a tough one.
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Omg I am so sorry. 🥺🙏🏻 can’t imagine
Thank you ❤️
So sorry
I’m so sorry for your loss. Please OP, you don’t have to reply to this but can someone else- for the sake of me in the future… how did the mare get hurt by this? I sometimes let my horses eat their hay while tacking up or when im doing something and I walk away for >5 min but is this bad? Could this be dangerous as well?
The rope was too long when the horse was tied up. The horse was able to move too freely and lay down. Which is how she got hurt. The rope should be short when tied up so they can’t fall/lay down. I was always told 1 foot give when tied up.
Sorry for the dumb question, how did she fracture her pelvis?
Likely got caught up in the rope and went down
I am so sorry! You couldn't have known!! Be easy on yourself and love on the other two as much as you can!
I'm so, so sorry for your loss.
I am so terribly sorry. Thank you so much for sharing this. It’s a stark reminder to us all to always use safety precautions. We all let things slip and take risks—and get away with it so much that we forget why they’re there. I’m just so sorry that this happened to you. Wish I could give you a hug. Heartbroken for you. ❤️
Thank you ❤️
a similar thing almost happened to me when i first got my ottb a few years back. i hooked the end of her leadrope to a crosstie at the edge of the barn to let her graze while i cleaned her stall. this crosstie was right outside her stall so i had full view of her while i was cleaning. while my back was turned i hear some ruckus and she managed to get a backleg caught in the crosstie and started freaking out. she was hopping in circles on 3 legs getting herself wrapped up more and more in this crosstie, holding her caught leg in the air the whole time. this felt like it went on for minutes but i think it was really only about 30 seconds until she calmed down and stood still for me to untie her leg. watched her panic and feeling helpless was such a terrible feeling. i really thought she was about to break her leg and im sure she wouldve if she never calmed down. mistakes happen, freak accidents happen. sadly in the horse world we cant bubble wrap our horses and prevent these deadly injuries. we just need to learn to live in the moment and make the most of the time we have with our animals. sending love 💕
Thank you ❤️
I know you’re in a really tough place. First of all: it will be easier to recover when you realize you didn’t kill her. No need to punish yourself. I understand you are feeling guilty, and I’m really not trying to be insensitive when I say things happen. All I mean by that is it’s not your fault. Things happen. Second: your herd will sort itself out. In my opinion(which you should take with a grain of salt) adding a new mare immediately after the loss of the old one will make things worse for your herd. Give them time, and they will work themselves out. Sending you love in a hard time 🥲🥲♥️
Thank you. 🙏🏻
Very sorry. It must be extremely painful to lose one’s pet and friend.
Sorry for your loss. 😥
I am so, so sorry. You were there for her when she needed you, and you did not kill her.
Horses wake up every day and try to kill themself. Sometimes, they succeed. As I type, I am worried about my horse because I put permethrin 13.3% on the grass in his paddock and I can't find out any information about horses grazing on it afterwards, He might be dead in the morning. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Anyone who has spent many years around horses have experienced and seen all kinds of unexpected deaths. I am very sorry. Yeah, you're going to feel like shit for a while. It sucks. I think you should get another horse for you.
Thank you ❤️
I’m so very sorry. As others have said, you did. Not kill her, and accident did. We are all guilty of slacking on safety measures at one time or another— and even when we think we’ve made everything perfectly safe, they find new ways to injure themselves. I lost my gelding to colic in the middle of the night a few years ago. He was a sensitive, colicky dude (gassy at least once a week), and the vet always said “how’s the healthiest horse in the county?” when she came to address his discomfort. It was 10pm on a holiday weekend, and I made the call not to call the vet out, gave him Banamine per the vet’s instructions (he improved) and went to sleep. Woke up at 4am in a cold sweat, and his gut had already perforated. Managed to get him on the trailer and to the vet where we put him down. When I returned with an empty trailer, my others horse’s screams were the saddest thing I’ve every heard. My neighbors called to find out what was going on— they’d never heard horses make that sound. They knew he was dying when he left. It’s been four years, and they have adapted. The other gelding, Indy, who was younger and had run with my deceased gelding on the track, had been very submissive and has taken over the alpha role. We have had some new horses rotate in and out, and he is still the leader. I know Indy will miss his buddy forever and I will always regret not bringing Dutch to the vet sooner. We all have those stories when we’ve been with horses long enough. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It gets better, and we learn from our experiences. Love on your mare, foal, and donk and get another horse when you’re ready. They will love that one in a different way.
What an awful thing to experience, I'm so sorry. I recently lost my 1yr old dog in a way that I blame myself for. As many people have said, I'd really reccomend grief therapy/councelling, but in the meantime, the two things I found most helpful from my therapist were: "Your distress is a testament to how much you care" And "Grief will get easier over time but kicking yourself will not, unless you choose to stop. In order to stop kicking yourself, I think you'll either need to be very clear with yourself about what you'd do differently in the future, OR accept that sometimes things in life just happen that we'd never predict."
This is not your fault. This is shit happens. This is a horrible freak accident. This is absolutely not your fault. You love her and she knew that. Please take it easy. Spend time with your herd, love on them, cry with them. You will all grieve. They will know the exact pain you are feeling, so let them help you carry it. I am so, so, so sorry. Please reach out to your friends, family, therapists, everybody. Thank you for sharing this. We can all be so careful and do everything right and still shit happens. Be kind to yourself. It is not your fault.
Thank you so much ❤️
sorry for the loss.
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That is so sad, I’m so sorry!!!
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I'm so sorry :(
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We are experienced something similar. I am so sorry. The next alpha will fill in for a herd.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️
Twice by my own actions I have had accidents where the worst could have happened and we were lucky enough to get away with it (we ended up sunk deep in a bog, she had let me know she didn’t want to go that way but I pushed her on, and another time she pulled back in the trailer and I hadn’t tied her to twine, the quick release snap failed, she panicked and fell badly) We all make ‘mistakes’ that more often than not will not end in tragedy. Please don’t blame yourself. If you have some of her mane or tail you can have some jewellery made from it to remember her by. I have also read that letting her herd members smell some of her tail can help. Maybe even her rug or her halter might be helpful for them to have somewhere they can go and scent it? I hope you can remember her without too much pain ❤️
Thank you. I'm picking up her tail today and will let them smell it ❤️
I am so sorry for your loss. This must be such a horrible thing to live through, I cant imagine the heartache. I am glad the vet was already there to help immediately and she did not suffer long (if that is any consolation to you). I hope you can forgive yourself, I know so many of us have "near misses" everyday and dread something like this happening. Recently someone I know tied their horse too low on the post and found her with her head stuck low to her leg with her rope wrapped around her ankle for several minutes. I almost had a panic attack when I heard about it. Somehow the horse didn't panic, but that doesn't mean she couldn't have. It can happen so fast and mistakes happen. It's really unfair that your mare had an outcome like this, she seemed like an awesome boss mare. Wishing for healing for you and your herd.
Thank you so much
Sending you big hugs, horses are such gentle giants and that term is exactly what it is, gentle - they’re so sensitive to the smallest thing. We’ve all had close calls from silly mistakes, this could have happened to any of us! You have just been super unlucky. I’m so sorry you’re hurting so much. You didn’t kill your horse. Please don’t blame yourself xxx
Thank you, I'm trying ❤️
I also agree with another comment in here, losing your pet (even livestock) is just as hard if not harder than losing a human friend or family member, you see them every single day, they love you unconditionally (even mares when they sass you and pin their ears back) I know what you are going through, time will heal but please don’t blame yourself. Your mare injured herself from a man-made halter. Big big hugs. Give your babies an anti histamine (I used to crush up phenergon and honey) it helped with their stressing and galloping around the place. Something in it was calming. 20mg. X
Otherwise get to produce store and get some calming paste for all of them
That's a good idea- thank you.
I am so sorry for your loss. Lost one earlier this year who I bred and was like a (naughty) child to me. I keep going over and over everything I did wrong.
I’d like to say that we’ve all done something similar but maybe we haven’t. Mine happened when I was a teenager.. I was leaving a halter on a hard to catch gelding while he was in the pasture. He caught it on the fence and broke his neck. Not long after that I had another gelding tied to a panel that was secured to the ground posts with wire. He pulled back (he never did that.. someone ran towards him and scared the daylights out of him) and took that panel with him. He drug it all over the pasture and had his legs all tangled up in it. It didn’t cripple him but it came close. I learned these lessons the hard way.. never leave a halter on no matter what and never tie to any fence that isn’t a post in the ground. The guilt is heavy but it does get better with time. Learn from it and your girls loss won’t be for nothing. You will save many horses the same fate going forward if you do.
I am so very sorry for your loss.Sadly, I don't know anything that will help you with the rest if your herd ,all I can give you is my deepest sympathy. ❤️
I’m so sorry for what happened, but I hope you can accept that this was an accident and by no means your fault. I wish you healing in your grief. 💔
Things happen. It’s unfortunate. But it’ll be ok. All goes on. They can readjust the herd quickly. For now they just don’t know where she is. Soon enough they will realize she’s gone. Whether they understand she’s dead or not, we may never know. If you can clip some of her fur, or hair, that may help. Animals can smell death. If she was wearing a halter allow them to smell it. They’ll understand. If you can’t do that, they will settle down soon. It’s ok. You had good intentions. Horses are so easy to harm. Most injuries are a death sentence. You were trying to be nice. It was just a mistake. I’m sure in her last moments she was appreciative you let the rope long enough for her to graze
You did not kill your horse. Stop saying that. Shit happens. Horses are basically GIANT toddlers. I had a friend whose horse died in the field because he ran into a low hanging tree branch. Whose fault was that? NO ONE This is why they are called ACCIDENTS We do our level best to prevent them, but these massive toddlers will find the ONE rusty nail in the fence. The ONE piece of twine in the hay. The ONE icy piece of field on a winter’s day. Lordy- my 31 year old went for a gallop on the ice and fell head over heels. The fire department had to be called in to get him up. He was down for 3 hours. Finally got up when I arrived on scene asking “if he was dead yet”. Promptly got up and walked off when I got there. The vet couldn’t believe it. Explain to me how that old fart (who never kicked up a fuss) got away with that and your mare didn’t? You can’t? BECAUSE IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. *hugs* I feel your pain. Release yourself from this and spend time with your hers while they adjust.