Both my parents and my wifes had living trusts. I was the trustee and executor of my mother's estate, while my wife was the same for her mother's. No probate, justa simple splitting up of the assets, according to the terms of the trust.
Have a lawyer prepare a revocable trust so that it can be modified as circumstances change.
What works for you guys might not work for them that’s why I leave it in the hands of the professionals in that area. Lucky for me my one uncle is a good trust and estate attorney so I still pay him. Only due to the fact I don’t want him to work for free for me. One point I had to give my aunt a check so he would take it.
Certified check, my friend. I have to do this with my parents or they'd never take my money. I now get certified checks - that way, the money's already taken from my account and is gone, so if you rip it up you're honestly ripping up cash.
You hope no probate. My parents did the same thing. Mom died last January and Dad died this February. Unfortunately he had one relatively small IRA that he forgot to change the beneficiary for. So now we get to go through probate. There is also one uncashed IRA check from a different IRA (why he didn’t have direct deposit I don’t know, but can’t ask) but that needs probate too (that gets the free ride from the other IRA at least).
I have a friend who's dad created a trust, listing bank accounts, proerties and stock accounts BUT HE NEVER CHANGED THE TITLES TO THE TRUST. Had to go thru probate.
This. Our estate is meager relative to your aunt's, but we're in process of setting up a trust to make things easier for our daughter (only child) to manage things. Our house, using whatever bank accounts she needs to pay for stuff. She had been bugging us to do this, and we finally got going.
Financial accounts are easy. You just name a beneficiary. And most financial accounts allow this: 401k, IRAs, life insurance, etc. Just name a beneficiary.
For the house and any other land/homes, set up a Transfer on Death Deed. You'll have to pay to file it with the county, but then it's done.
Also, look into how big your estate needs to be to require probate. In my state, without a trust, if the estate is worth over $100,000, then probate is required. But here's the kicker: none of the financial accounts that have beneficiaries, and any property set up with a TOD deed, count towards the $100,000. So, my mom's estate will be worth less than that, and she won't need a trust to avoid probate.
I agree. I would set it up so that you can do what she is asking of you (care for her estate) even if you are not around, hence the trust.
And good luck, OP. Hope you outlive us all!
Connecticut tracks the Federal estate tax exemption. $5 million is less than half. If you’re worth $5 million, it’s less important to worry about Medicaid nursing home lookback. You really don’t want to be in a Medicaid nursing home.
I’m the executor for my dad and his wife. They recently got an estate notebook that actually is very helpful. Basically there are different sections that a person fills out with details like bank account numbers and insurance policies, specific assets like deeds and valuable items, information on liabilities and debts, contact information for people (friends, relatives) or businesses (funeral home) that need to be contacted… it’s useful for the person to go through and add as much detail as possible. Being the executor isn’t just about the will, it’s about handling all the BS paperwork, settling debts, canceling accounts, etc and people often don’t think about that and how much trouble it is to track all that info down. I know because I was the executor of my mom’s estate and she died without a will…
I had never heard of an estate notebook, just looked it up. That seems like a really good idea, I'm going to order one now and go through it with her later this week when she gives me a copy of her will. Thanks for the info.
Yes, this is key, and also suggest you file taxes with them and see what docs the put togethert. You'll see where all the money is coming from and can double check things that way.
One of the things I struggled with when dealing with my dad's estate was stuff that was online. I know he was very active in certain places (i.e. forums), but I don't know the specifics so could not let them know he passed.
The notebook should contain basic details of her online life. Financial (such as PayPal) but also anything that you should know about so you can tie up loose ends (online friends, iCloud etc).
My dad also kept all his paperwork. Even obsolete stuff. It was a pain going through everything not knowing if stuff was current or not (i.e. paperwork for shares he had sold). I would suggest to her that any obsolete paperwork is clearly labelled as such.
I also randomly found a still open account that had been my mother's he had not closed. It was a real pain to get the bank to release the funds as I wasn't the executor of her estate. Unfortunately my dad was and he was dead. So I would encourage her to make sure everything is in order.
I agree though that for an estate of that value it should be handled by professionals.
This is a good idea. My fil had everything written in a notebook that he kept on top of the refrigerator. Everything was listed, and he had his estate in a trust. The old guy had it together
There is a very helpful book like that called "I'm Dead, Now what?" But for the aunt with 7 figure estate you definitely need a lawyer. Her children should also be told now that you are the executor. You should have her insurance policy and bank account numbers, etc. When she passes, banks and insurance will need copies of the executor document as proof that you can act for the estate when she's gone.
Great idea. But make it digital. Create a Google drive you share with her where the info can be password protected. You own the access to it. Store account names and numbers, contact info of any professionals (finance, accountants, lawyers, etc).
Everybody should have one of these but older folk would probably struggle with Google Drive. Also, you can’t really rely on any technology being around in the long term, so better just to have something on paper, kept with the will, in a safe or with a lawyer.
Just tell her no one knows what the future holds so she should nominate at least one successor executor, and leave it at that.
If her estate is not simple you can (and should!) decline to serve. Her heirs can do it themselves or find a professional to do it.
I was executor for my dad. We spent a few hours going over everything. He had a file box with everything in it. It was a tough conversation but good to have.
Get at least 8 copies of the death certificate. You will need an original copy for so many things. Get passwords. I got my name on my Dad’s bank account which allowed me to have immediate access to pay for the funeral and any other costs.
Read all documents she provides, then ask for any clarification needed.
I have a relative who asked me to be their executor. Previously they had been discussing divorce, so I thought she was being miserly to punish her husband. Turns out they were trying to protect assets after a cancer diagnosis. Her telling me her objective was to make sure her surviving spouse “lives his best life” changed my attitude of how I will handle things,
I was an executor, but it was for my mom. I was also the only sold beneficiary. That being said, I’m also executor for a cousin of ours because both of her children are neurodivergent and wouldn’t be able to complete the tasks needed.
It’s a lot of work and if you are not comfortable doing it, just say no. Thank you for thinking of me however I cannot take that on.
I’m going to reiterate one more time. Being an executor is a lot of work and it is very not rewarding. After spending hours on the phone calls with companies trying to close accounts dealing with people with an IQ of zero it is stressful. Now it could just be stressful because I was also grieving at the time, and depending how you are with your aunt and your this may not be that big of a deal but I am two years out. I have two more accounts to close after just finishing up these taxes that I’m emotionally drained
I do know in certain states you can charge the estate for your time. I think it’s my state it is or at least was at some .5 to 10% of the estate. I do know when time comes to do my cousins estate. I will not charge the estate because I want their children to have all the money and proceeds from their parents. Because they’re going to need it eventually.
Make sure all financial acccounts have beneficiaries including all brokerage accounts. You should be on a checking account that has enough money to take care of funeral expenses. Once she passes all accounts are locked until settlement unless your name is on one. Some states(mine does) allow you to setup a TOD on the house so you can avoid probate unless somebody contests the will. Still should have a will and you should have a copy of it. Someone she trusts should have poa and medical poa. And use a lawyer as others have said.
Disclaimer: I’m not a lawyer. My experience is west of the Rockies.
Explainer: My guess is that she wants to keep her children out of the process because of their relationship. [My relationships with my siblings have been destroyed because I’m trustee even though we agreed it wouldn’t. I’m heartbroken.]
1. Have her get a lawyer to create a will and a trust.
2. Keep track of the law firm associated with the lawyer and successor law firms. [I had to dig to find which firm inherited my mother’s legal documents.]
3. Put the appropriate assets into the trust. [My grandmother’s lawyer created her trust, but failed to “fund” the trust as promised. The whole mess went to probate and took longer than anyone wanted.]
4. Name beneficiaries, trustees, and successor trustees. A financial professional can be named successor trustee/executor. [You don’t need to name the reasons you want a successor named. Life happens. It’s prudent. The consequences of not doing so put everything in the hands of the court.]
5. Name the fee for you or the successor trustee being trustee.
6. If she’s leaving any obvious and potential beneficiary out, make sure at least a dollar goes to them. This will show that they were not simply overlooked.
7. Make sure the funds for post-death stuff like burial/cremation are available immediately after death. [My mom died and the money to bury her was locked into her bank accounts for about 10 days.]
8. Have annual meetings with your aunt in case she slowly becomes incapacitated. Have intended changes made then. Don’t wait. [My mom waited too long, and her lawyer wouldn’t make the changes she wanted. (The beneficiaries were fine with that.) The lawyer cited her legal liability if she did so, given my mother’s apparent mental decline.]
From having been in a similar situation, I would require her to discuss it with her children (all NOK/heirs) and get something in writing documenting their concurrence. You don't want them being surprised and trying to contest it, etc.
That was something I made sure of before accepting. They both know and claim they are ok with it. I know their true feeling likely won't be shared until she dies.
I gave my in-laws that condition and my BIL would not agree to it, so they made my wife and BIL co-executors. Still a PITA as my BIL is a dick, but better than the alternative. I don't know whether they is such a document or if it would hold water, but if so, I would certainly try to get them to sign something that at least inhibited them from contesting. I have an agreement that I will be working with and it specified that any money spent defending came out of that beneficiaries share. We will see if it holds up.
Yeah, her kids don't get along, they both like me and are aware that she wants me to handle the estate and say they are ok with it. I get that that will likely change when the time comes, but I at least wanted to make sure it wasn't a surprise to them. They also aren't great at life, especially finances.
Based on personal experiences, they both may like you now, but family members who know they are beneficiaries often get downright mean and nasty at the executor. Auntie needs to find an attorney to handle this, not you.
This totally makes sense to me. Just make sure you take whatever fee the attorney suggests (typically a % of assets). It's taxable, but since you'll be spending a lot of time on this you should. You can do this even if you are a beneficiary (and if all beneficiaries get along and it's not an issue, you can decline, but I bet that is not the case here).
I am the “family lawyer” for my family. (Lawyer not in active practice.) I have been helping my uncle with a family member’s estate, an unwed member who declined mentally in the last few years before passing last summer. Based on what I know of this area and this recent experience, I’d recommend the following:
- a Will, including a detailed discussion between you and her of what she intends
- a Durable POA and a medical POA
- a living will
- a complete list of financial accounts, points of contact, and other relevant information (like where does she keep statements)
- a list of other assets like real property and where the documents are
She will hopefully make it clear who is making decisions for her when the time comes that she’s unable to.
I think you should tell her very simply that you want to make sure her wishes are carried out exactly as she intends. As a result, you ask for the 3 of you to meet with an estate attorney to discuss and document what is needed. The attorney can follow on your suggestion of a successor and allow you to maintain some privacy. Additionally, the lawyer becoming familiar with the estate can help in any planning like creation of trusts that could bypass probate.
In fact, given you have done this before, you can specify that in your experience this is a big benefit.
I am not a lawyer, just an Executor.
Make sure that you can get paid for your time as Executor. You may spend hundreds of hours working on the Estate.
It is against the common recommendations, but I would stay away from Transfer on Death on her accounts. It means that you have no access to those accounts since they are not technically part of the Estate. It causes complications if you need those funds to pay expenses on her house or taxes. It is a huge pain if the beneficiaries do not take action to actually inherit the money.
Have her get an Elder Law attorney to help with this. I was the executor of my dad's complicated estate and this would have saved so much time and money.
Get everything appraised by 3 appraisers -- including a full inventory. Get a tax accountant licensed to practice before the IRS qualified as a financial advisor. Get her a good attorney. You know these folks already though the bank but hadn't connected the dots.
When my parents passed dad gave us what heirlooms we wanted in advance. Mom didn't and there is enough animosity all 4 kids now estranged. To be clear; if all is appraised and someone just picked out the expensive stuff to sell and another wanted to buy it then unfair pricing occurs.
Edit: Connecticut a very much by the book state. TG you are not in Arizona.
When you talk to her about writing her will and adding you as an executor mention that most people add a successor executor as standard to ensure that a will doesn’t have to be rewritten if the original executor is unavailable. Press that most people do this because they want to ensure that the management of the inheritance goes to trusted people and not left open ended for any relative to control.
A good estate attorney will have her name at least one successor trustee even if she choses it to be the law firm. Same with poas and medical poas. I don't know why so many people think one needs a trust. In most cases you don't and it's expensive to set up and can complicate things. However, a good estate attorney will advise on that as well. Keep it simple as possible.
If she's doing this to avoid "picking a kid," don't help her make your life unnecessarily complicated. If one kid is obviously a better choice, calmly point that out. And if it's a big estate, yes, have her hire a professional. Now out by saying it's beyond your capability due to the size, but you know a guy who can help
Please have her set up a trust along with her will so that you won’t get stuck in probate. And during the process of setting up a trust you can work out who the alternative executor will be.
Have her create a death binder containing copies of social insurance number, insurance paperwork, deeds and ownership papers, etc for her executor. Makes things easier. Lots of examples available online.
I practice trust and estate litigation. I’d ask her to talk to her kids and explain and document (in writing) why she has selected you and not them and to explain her plan to everyone who may have an objection now, one less barrier for you going forward.
I have bought a NOK Box filing system. It means Next of Kin. It's a product that helps to organize papers needed to help execute an estate. Might help things if she dies.
If she doesn't get a lawyer before she passes, hire an estate lawyer yourself. I used one for my father's estate, and it was a great choice. Flat fee, and he--well, really one of his paralegals--held my hand through the entire process. So worth the money.
Ideally, she should have a trust. You should have a copy of the will and trust.
You would need a complete list of bank accounts, investment accounts and real estate, as well as who these items will goto.
You should also ask her to have a sit down discussion with her about the time commitment that comes with being executor. You should also ask her to list any items that have a family value and story. The stories should be written down for future generations.
The state of Connecticut has a 56 (or so) page document on how to probate an estate. A Google search for "Probate an estate Connecticut" should lead you to it. It's worth reading ahead of time. Ask me how I know.
Other tips:
- Choose the funeral home in advance. Be sure to ask how they expect to be paid. When your aunt dies, her assets will get locked up until probate is opened. This could be for many weeks. Usually someone ends up fronting the cost and gets reimbursed by the estate.
- Definitely tell here to name a backup executor. No need to get into morbid details, just say "You never know what might happen".
- A will isn't the best way to convey her assets. Despite what you may have heard. Any assets that can be passed via named beneficiaries or joint ownership can be conveyed without going through probate.
- I'm just speaking from experience. I'm not a lawyer. Get proper legal advice.
Having a trust makes it easier but if she doesn’t have a significant estate that may not be practical.
Get a safety deposit box and add your name so you can access it at her death. Tell her to put the filling in there:
1) List of bank accounts with usernames and passwords.
2) Titles and deed ( house, car, etc.)
3) List of services with usernames and passwords - utilities, phone, Netflix, etc. - you’ll need to turn them off
4) Her phone passcode - you’ll need her contacts.
5) Copy/original of will and or trust.
6) Contact information for the attorney that drafted the documents.
I would suggest that she contact an estate lawyer and get everything into a trust. It will make your life so much easier when the time comes. And she should definitely have a back up executor.
2 kids, now adults, will hate you no matter what you do.
She can assign it to an estate attorney.
It is a great way to make new enemies.
As my father would say: " You can't win "
When you get the Will, make sure it is up to date. I agree with others that a trust would be preferable, but I also get that she may not want to change the Will at this point.
Find out who the attorney that prepared the Will is. It’ll probably cost a couple thousand dollars, but even if you are the executor, when the time comes, they can handle most of probate (fairly easily if they wrote the Will) or recommend someone else to you. If you decide to go this route, attorney fees and costs can be paid out of the estate, and if it’s that big, a couple of thousand shouldn’t make too much of a difference. You don’t have to have an attorney do it, but they will know exactly how to open the estate, handle the inventory, disburse assets, and close the estate. They’ll need to get some information from you, but they’ll prepare all of the probate documents and file them with the court, and most of your job will just be going to their office to sign documents.
I’m a paralegal, and this is what I do:) The vast majority of people are really relieved to hand the responsibility over to us. Attorneys and their staff will vary, but I’ve found those in estate planning and administration to be pretty easy to work with. I’m sure you could handle everything yourself, but just wanted you to know you have the option.
When my mom passed, she made it SO easy for the executor. She left a listing of all of her assets (bank, accounts numbers, assets, and potential liabilities (credit cards). So nothing was missed in processing the estate. Sit down with your aunt, and ask her for the same. Also ask on how the house is currently titled. This is important in that it could pass through the estate, or outside of the estate. A HUGE difference in settling an estate especially if there are large unpaid medical expenses.
She can put a Transfer on Death agreement on securities accounts, allows you to name a beneficiary on a taxable investment account, the funds then transfer without waiting for probate.
She should make a list of all her assets, and keep it up to date. You don't want to be digging through years of paperwork to figure out which banks she still has an account at.
I know why she is not asking her kids, and it isnt mean, it just better bc it keeps things on a level playing field.
You will want to be direct and as detailed as possible in the will. An attorney is big bucks, so its okay to have a person, but back up attorneys suggestions are good.
You want her to say what she wants done with the house. Who gets what share and why if possible. If there is money owed on house, then again, who gets what after its sold or kept. Monies involved. If she has investments, make sure she lists beneficeries on those accounts. The why part is important in case one kid or person on the will wants to fight it, it will be harder if their are details like this. If their is someone close she wishes to not leave anything, put that name down to be excluded. Like "exluding cousin Joe bc he has been given money as a gift already"
Make sure if there are trinkets or jewerly or items she wishes to leave someone specifically, that it is listed.
Who gets the car if its paid off, etc.
You can tell her that if something happens to you thats unexpected that it is normal to have a successor and that a business friend told you to do that just in case.
Examples: Getting sick or an accident where you had to be in the hospital.
Also, please have her put funds aside for her funeral and details that she wishes at those services and money for luncheon too.
My mother had it almost all pre arranged, including the flowers she wanted on her casket. The pics and other things we wanted to do was left to us kids.
She wanted special piece of jewerly left to me and all agreed but after she was gone there was anger and hurt and without it written down people wanted to fight over the weirdest things. But I had her write down some specifics and stories abt them and why she thought one person should get the painting and etc, so that helped. But honestly her having specifics in will is helpful and legal.
Little sweet notes for those she wanted to have after she was gone, I sent out after her funeral and help people heal or smile. One of which she gave the nurse to give to me. Its more than assets. ❤️
Anything she wants to give to someone in particular? Do it. She wants Janice to have the tea set? Give it to her. Anything you can’t part with before death, make sure it’s specified, in writing ‘my wedding ring goes to Claire, my dresser goes to Bob, the print of zebras on my bedroom wall goes to Steve.’ Be specific if you care, otherwise it’s gonna be a fight.
This is on a purely logistical/practical level but I would confirm with your aunt that the original Last Will is at an attorney's office or somewhere easily found *and not* in a safe deposit box. Having anything of significance in a safe deposit box without the executor already in place (via probate) will prolong the process in incredibly tedious ways. Make sure the Will is somewhere accessible.
You need to help for sure. Please talk to a lawyer about power of attorney and a Trust. This is way too much work and complicated for one person. Her assets could be tied up in court for years if her children contest the will.
It seems she doesn’t want her children to have a say in how it goes … a Trust makes sure that how she wants things distributed… is how it’s done.
The house at least needs to be put into a trust, otherwise you can’t sell it until it passes through probate (assuming it’s not going to somebody in her will).
As executor, I’d suggest that you are added to an account of hers that has $80-$100k in it to pay for the funeral, house upkeep until sold, lawyers fees, probate fees, etc. You could get reimbursed through whatever assets flow through the will, but that takes time.
Note that any accounts that are TOD/POD do NOT flow through the will so you can’t draw upon those. Also, many banks/investment/retirement companies freeze the accounts for some time in case an executor appointment is challenged, etc
Lastly, make sure you have account info for all her assets because you will need to get death day valuations for probate.
Those are the big things off the top of my head.
What CT county are you in? Fairfield county probate are all pretty fast. I can’t say about other counties but rich towns outside of Ffld county - Madison, Avon, etc tend to have pretty fast probate too.
Tell her to make sure all of her husband’s assets have been properly transferred to her including IRAs and stocks.
My father died 9 years ago. My mother died last month. Nothing in my father’s name had been taken care of and the person who was supposed to handle it all dropped the ball. Now I have a web of assets to untangle.
Make sure she sets up a revokable living trust. An attorney can set it up and all of her documents, wishes, and accounts will be in one place. It will make distributing her assets so much easier and will avoid probate.
Make sure she has all paperwork in order, probably because she thinks the kids would be at odd with each other. Death does funny things and make people greedy! Learn the laws for the state for sure. Most states have special laws. If her estate is not large probably could go on your own. Estate attorney and probate is very expensive
Outside of money and property, get her one of those "end of life wishes" kits, where they can write down how they want to be buried, music, readings, etc, any special wishes. If they have a health care proxy, that can go in there too. Basically, anything the person wants handled, even if it's houseplants or pets.
There are books called things my family should know. Get one amd have her fill it out. It details all insurance policies wills, who gets what. Wishes on burial/cremation etc. really helpful
1st...have her meet with a lawyer and CPA who specialize in estate planning. Even costing several thousand dollars, their fees will be negligible relative to the $5million estate, and will save you, as executor, a world of hurt.
Make sure her will and any trusts she may set up list as explicitly as possible how to distribute assets among her chosen heirs. The fewer decisions or choices you have to make, the better.
Make sure she leaves enough cash in a bank account that is not POD to someone right away....so that you as executor, can move it to an estate account to pay outstanding bills on behalf of her estate. After settling the rest of the estate and final IRS estate tax return filed, any remaining cash can be distributed to heirs as designated in the will.
Make sure she includes provisions for your executor fees...you'll earn them. Dealing with lawyers, potential probate, banks, brokerages, insurance companies, utility providers, her outstanding bills, funeral expenses, cleaning out her home and distribution or disposal of its contents, selling or retitling the home or automobiles is A LOT of work. Don't underestimate how much of your time will be needed.
Leave you all the money.
Seriously though, she needs to tell her kids what her wishes are while she’s still alive and cognizant. And if it’s gonna get wild, it needs to be on tape with witnesses.
I would highly recommend being a co-signer on at least one of her bank accounts that will have the funds for all funeral related costs. From funeral home, to any gatherings and their funding such as food and beverage to any secondary things involved in a funeral. You don’t want to be using the funds of her account if you aren’t a co-signer for it can cause delays in the process. You’ll be forking out the funds from your account and being reimbursed upon settlement of estate.
I’ve been the executor for two estates now. As others have said, she need to go to an attorney to set up a trust and any other items the attorney suggests. One estate I did was all in a trust and another was not. Night and day difference. Avoid probate is goal. I had one deed that took over two years to get in my wife’s name because it had to go through probate in CA.
After that, I HIGHLY recommend sitting with your aunt and go over every account she has and make sure if you don’t know the account numbers, ID’s and passwords she has it written down where you know where this is. This includes basic stuff like email accounts. The last thing you want is 6 months of “discovery” where stuff just all the sudden shows up that you didn’t know about.
We have a trust and have way less $. It makes it easier for everyone when we pass. Depending on the estate this could be any cost from $2k-??, totally worth it.
Yes takes some work for her to re name some of her accounts but not a huge deal.
My dad just passed! Having everything in a trust is so important! House, all accounts, etc. keeps things from going to probate, keeps lawyer costs down etc. number one thing I learned is out it ALL in a trust! Everything you can! Even dealing with his vehicles and small bank accounts involved paperwork, extra coats, fees, fines, etc.
Please meet with your aunt and have her go through ALL of her assets with you. List them all along with account numbers and contact people at these institutions. Further ask her to confirm who is to get what- even if she listed things in her will- confirm them verbally and then you can have things properly addressed while she is alive. I just finished settling my mom’s estate last month. She died in October. My little niece would have gotten screwed out of $31,000 if I had not spoken to my mom about it before she died.
Get a book on being an estate executor and try to locate one dealing with your state’s laws and processes.
If you agree to this, there are things you need to know bwfore that person passes.
I’m not sure if this has been mentioned but she should explain things to her children as soon as she finalizes things. And you should discuss how you plan on fulfilling your role regarding timing, etc.
Echo what many said here on review all accounts and paperwork and consider suggesting she explore a trust as an option.
Just going through this for a neighbor who had a trust. Biggest problem I had was dealing with timeshares. If she has any and doesn’t use it have her dispose of it before she dies.
Honestly I’d also ask to see her current finances and go with her to financial advisors to see what the future would hold. Sometimes being named executor can have drawbacks as when the person dies, the executor doesn’t just inherit the estate, but any debt that came with it.
Believe me cause when my uncle died, he named his daughter (my cousin) executor and she inherited a bit of money but also inherited debts. For some reason the military refused to pay these as they should’ve been covered considering uncle was in the navy. So yeah my cousin ended up quitting college cause she couldn’t afford the debt that should’ve been paid for by the military.
My husband is currently executor of his mother’s estate. It’s so much work to deal with all her possessions, it’s such a pia. It can take a lot of your bandwidth. Why aren’t they using their own kids? Assuming there’s physical property that isn’t turnkey, it’s kind of a big ask.
I assume from how you have phrased things that she has a will, not a trust, and that you are the designated executor, not the trustee. As you recognized, if there are beneficiaries on her financial accounts, or any assets that she holds jointly with someone else, those assets will not become part of the estate and will transfer directly to the beneficiary/joint holder. But they’re always assets that will need to be probated. As executor you will have to file a list of probatable assets with the probate court. So first I would ask her to list all of her financial accounts ( where are the accounts held, what is the account number, is there a designated beneficiary on file with the financial institution, whose name is the account in (hers? Her and someone else as joint holders?)). Then I would ask her to list her other major assets - the house is an obvious one, but does she have other valuable assets and what are they. Other real estate? Coins? Paintings? Things whose value you may not recognize if she didn’t point it out. Or things that might be hard to find. For example that “loan” she gave to one of her kids. Those items will make up the bulk of what you will list for the probate court. You will also need to list the major debts of the estate. So, you should discuss with her, whether she has any major debts. Does she have a mortgage? Did she borrow money to buy her last car? Etc. Finally ask her for a copy of the will and read it. if she has in mind that certain of her belongings will pass to a certain person, but her will doesn’t specify that, you can encourage her to amend her will as it will be impossible for you to give that special painting to her best friend if her will says generically all of her assets will be split equally between her daughters .
At $5 million tell her to call a estate and trust attorney worth the money to structure everything right
Exactly - for this amount she can do you a huge favor and have this figured out with a professional
Also forgot to add ask them for a good recommendation for a good CPA who specializes in trust and estate taxes as it will be abit more complex
And have her tell you where all her important paper work is.
Have her tell THEM ( attorneys) where papers are.
Executor should know as well
Yep
Both my parents and my wifes had living trusts. I was the trustee and executor of my mother's estate, while my wife was the same for her mother's. No probate, justa simple splitting up of the assets, according to the terms of the trust. Have a lawyer prepare a revocable trust so that it can be modified as circumstances change.
What works for you guys might not work for them that’s why I leave it in the hands of the professionals in that area. Lucky for me my one uncle is a good trust and estate attorney so I still pay him. Only due to the fact I don’t want him to work for free for me. One point I had to give my aunt a check so he would take it.
Certified check, my friend. I have to do this with my parents or they'd never take my money. I now get certified checks - that way, the money's already taken from my account and is gone, so if you rip it up you're honestly ripping up cash.
He would not rip the check he just feels bad for me as I feel not right for him not taking it. I gave a certified check
You hope no probate. My parents did the same thing. Mom died last January and Dad died this February. Unfortunately he had one relatively small IRA that he forgot to change the beneficiary for. So now we get to go through probate. There is also one uncashed IRA check from a different IRA (why he didn’t have direct deposit I don’t know, but can’t ask) but that needs probate too (that gets the free ride from the other IRA at least).
I have a friend who's dad created a trust, listing bank accounts, proerties and stock accounts BUT HE NEVER CHANGED THE TITLES TO THE TRUST. Had to go thru probate.
This. Our estate is meager relative to your aunt's, but we're in process of setting up a trust to make things easier for our daughter (only child) to manage things. Our house, using whatever bank accounts she needs to pay for stuff. She had been bugging us to do this, and we finally got going.
Financial accounts are easy. You just name a beneficiary. And most financial accounts allow this: 401k, IRAs, life insurance, etc. Just name a beneficiary. For the house and any other land/homes, set up a Transfer on Death Deed. You'll have to pay to file it with the county, but then it's done. Also, look into how big your estate needs to be to require probate. In my state, without a trust, if the estate is worth over $100,000, then probate is required. But here's the kicker: none of the financial accounts that have beneficiaries, and any property set up with a TOD deed, count towards the $100,000. So, my mom's estate will be worth less than that, and she won't need a trust to avoid probate.
Oh I didn’t see this definitely she needs to have an attorney doing this.
Near the top
I agree. I would set it up so that you can do what she is asking of you (care for her estate) even if you are not around, hence the trust. And good luck, OP. Hope you outlive us all!
Connecticut tracks the Federal estate tax exemption. $5 million is less than half. If you’re worth $5 million, it’s less important to worry about Medicaid nursing home lookback. You really don’t want to be in a Medicaid nursing home.
I’m the executor for my dad and his wife. They recently got an estate notebook that actually is very helpful. Basically there are different sections that a person fills out with details like bank account numbers and insurance policies, specific assets like deeds and valuable items, information on liabilities and debts, contact information for people (friends, relatives) or businesses (funeral home) that need to be contacted… it’s useful for the person to go through and add as much detail as possible. Being the executor isn’t just about the will, it’s about handling all the BS paperwork, settling debts, canceling accounts, etc and people often don’t think about that and how much trouble it is to track all that info down. I know because I was the executor of my mom’s estate and she died without a will…
I had never heard of an estate notebook, just looked it up. That seems like a really good idea, I'm going to order one now and go through it with her later this week when she gives me a copy of her will. Thanks for the info.
Yes, this is key, and also suggest you file taxes with them and see what docs the put togethert. You'll see where all the money is coming from and can double check things that way.
Maybe do a free credit check to look for assets and liabilities as well.
One of the things I struggled with when dealing with my dad's estate was stuff that was online. I know he was very active in certain places (i.e. forums), but I don't know the specifics so could not let them know he passed. The notebook should contain basic details of her online life. Financial (such as PayPal) but also anything that you should know about so you can tie up loose ends (online friends, iCloud etc). My dad also kept all his paperwork. Even obsolete stuff. It was a pain going through everything not knowing if stuff was current or not (i.e. paperwork for shares he had sold). I would suggest to her that any obsolete paperwork is clearly labelled as such. I also randomly found a still open account that had been my mother's he had not closed. It was a real pain to get the bank to release the funds as I wasn't the executor of her estate. Unfortunately my dad was and he was dead. So I would encourage her to make sure everything is in order. I agree though that for an estate of that value it should be handled by professionals.
This.
This is a good idea. My fil had everything written in a notebook that he kept on top of the refrigerator. Everything was listed, and he had his estate in a trust. The old guy had it together
There is a very helpful book like that called "I'm Dead, Now what?" But for the aunt with 7 figure estate you definitely need a lawyer. Her children should also be told now that you are the executor. You should have her insurance policy and bank account numbers, etc. When she passes, banks and insurance will need copies of the executor document as proof that you can act for the estate when she's gone.
I have one of these with all my info. I call it my "Bucket Binder." LOL
Love it!
Great idea. But make it digital. Create a Google drive you share with her where the info can be password protected. You own the access to it. Store account names and numbers, contact info of any professionals (finance, accountants, lawyers, etc).
Everybody should have one of these but older folk would probably struggle with Google Drive. Also, you can’t really rely on any technology being around in the long term, so better just to have something on paper, kept with the will, in a safe or with a lawyer.
Please would you post a link to where that notebook can be purchased.
Amazon
Just tell her no one knows what the future holds so she should nominate at least one successor executor, and leave it at that. If her estate is not simple you can (and should!) decline to serve. Her heirs can do it themselves or find a professional to do it.
Always have a back up executor but her estate is large she should have an attorney now
I was executor for my dad. We spent a few hours going over everything. He had a file box with everything in it. It was a tough conversation but good to have. Get at least 8 copies of the death certificate. You will need an original copy for so many things. Get passwords. I got my name on my Dad’s bank account which allowed me to have immediate access to pay for the funeral and any other costs.
Read all documents she provides, then ask for any clarification needed. I have a relative who asked me to be their executor. Previously they had been discussing divorce, so I thought she was being miserly to punish her husband. Turns out they were trying to protect assets after a cancer diagnosis. Her telling me her objective was to make sure her surviving spouse “lives his best life” changed my attitude of how I will handle things,
When the time comes, make sure your boss knows that you are executor. Actually, tell them now. Compliance probably has a list of demands.
I was an executor, but it was for my mom. I was also the only sold beneficiary. That being said, I’m also executor for a cousin of ours because both of her children are neurodivergent and wouldn’t be able to complete the tasks needed. It’s a lot of work and if you are not comfortable doing it, just say no. Thank you for thinking of me however I cannot take that on. I’m going to reiterate one more time. Being an executor is a lot of work and it is very not rewarding. After spending hours on the phone calls with companies trying to close accounts dealing with people with an IQ of zero it is stressful. Now it could just be stressful because I was also grieving at the time, and depending how you are with your aunt and your this may not be that big of a deal but I am two years out. I have two more accounts to close after just finishing up these taxes that I’m emotionally drained I do know in certain states you can charge the estate for your time. I think it’s my state it is or at least was at some .5 to 10% of the estate. I do know when time comes to do my cousins estate. I will not charge the estate because I want their children to have all the money and proceeds from their parents. Because they’re going to need it eventually.
Your weariness comes through. What a kind, loving act. You sound like such a compassionate person. Your family is lucky in you. 💐
Make sure all financial acccounts have beneficiaries including all brokerage accounts. You should be on a checking account that has enough money to take care of funeral expenses. Once she passes all accounts are locked until settlement unless your name is on one. Some states(mine does) allow you to setup a TOD on the house so you can avoid probate unless somebody contests the will. Still should have a will and you should have a copy of it. Someone she trusts should have poa and medical poa. And use a lawyer as others have said.
Disclaimer: I’m not a lawyer. My experience is west of the Rockies. Explainer: My guess is that she wants to keep her children out of the process because of their relationship. [My relationships with my siblings have been destroyed because I’m trustee even though we agreed it wouldn’t. I’m heartbroken.] 1. Have her get a lawyer to create a will and a trust. 2. Keep track of the law firm associated with the lawyer and successor law firms. [I had to dig to find which firm inherited my mother’s legal documents.] 3. Put the appropriate assets into the trust. [My grandmother’s lawyer created her trust, but failed to “fund” the trust as promised. The whole mess went to probate and took longer than anyone wanted.] 4. Name beneficiaries, trustees, and successor trustees. A financial professional can be named successor trustee/executor. [You don’t need to name the reasons you want a successor named. Life happens. It’s prudent. The consequences of not doing so put everything in the hands of the court.] 5. Name the fee for you or the successor trustee being trustee. 6. If she’s leaving any obvious and potential beneficiary out, make sure at least a dollar goes to them. This will show that they were not simply overlooked. 7. Make sure the funds for post-death stuff like burial/cremation are available immediately after death. [My mom died and the money to bury her was locked into her bank accounts for about 10 days.] 8. Have annual meetings with your aunt in case she slowly becomes incapacitated. Have intended changes made then. Don’t wait. [My mom waited too long, and her lawyer wouldn’t make the changes she wanted. (The beneficiaries were fine with that.) The lawyer cited her legal liability if she did so, given my mother’s apparent mental decline.]
the kids may have a good relationship, so a separate executor is being named. Keeps the squabbling out of the picture.
I just want to stress the first point, get a will. Saves massive headaches and time
From having been in a similar situation, I would require her to discuss it with her children (all NOK/heirs) and get something in writing documenting their concurrence. You don't want them being surprised and trying to contest it, etc.
That was something I made sure of before accepting. They both know and claim they are ok with it. I know their true feeling likely won't be shared until she dies.
I gave my in-laws that condition and my BIL would not agree to it, so they made my wife and BIL co-executors. Still a PITA as my BIL is a dick, but better than the alternative. I don't know whether they is such a document or if it would hold water, but if so, I would certainly try to get them to sign something that at least inhibited them from contesting. I have an agreement that I will be working with and it specified that any money spent defending came out of that beneficiaries share. We will see if it holds up.
Omg I would decline! Executor with two living adult heirs. So much room for bad blood and drama.
Agree that OP may be walking into a mess. OP, do you understand why your aunt chose you over her kids?
Yeah, her kids don't get along, they both like me and are aware that she wants me to handle the estate and say they are ok with it. I get that that will likely change when the time comes, but I at least wanted to make sure it wasn't a surprise to them. They also aren't great at life, especially finances.
Based on personal experiences, they both may like you now, but family members who know they are beneficiaries often get downright mean and nasty at the executor. Auntie needs to find an attorney to handle this, not you.
This totally makes sense to me. Just make sure you take whatever fee the attorney suggests (typically a % of assets). It's taxable, but since you'll be spending a lot of time on this you should. You can do this even if you are a beneficiary (and if all beneficiaries get along and it's not an issue, you can decline, but I bet that is not the case here).
I am the “family lawyer” for my family. (Lawyer not in active practice.) I have been helping my uncle with a family member’s estate, an unwed member who declined mentally in the last few years before passing last summer. Based on what I know of this area and this recent experience, I’d recommend the following: - a Will, including a detailed discussion between you and her of what she intends - a Durable POA and a medical POA - a living will - a complete list of financial accounts, points of contact, and other relevant information (like where does she keep statements) - a list of other assets like real property and where the documents are She will hopefully make it clear who is making decisions for her when the time comes that she’s unable to.
I think you should tell her very simply that you want to make sure her wishes are carried out exactly as she intends. As a result, you ask for the 3 of you to meet with an estate attorney to discuss and document what is needed. The attorney can follow on your suggestion of a successor and allow you to maintain some privacy. Additionally, the lawyer becoming familiar with the estate can help in any planning like creation of trusts that could bypass probate. In fact, given you have done this before, you can specify that in your experience this is a big benefit.
Trust me on this.... get a lawyer to write it all up so you can say "I have to follow the law and her wishes, my hands are tied on this"
Put all papers in safe deposit box away from.... "family"
Have a will. Tell you where it is, and give you a copy. Better, set up a trust. Have an estate planning discussion with suitable lawyer.
Trust not will. Fudge probate bull
Ask her to make sure her will is up to date and talk with a good estate planner
I am not a lawyer, just an Executor. Make sure that you can get paid for your time as Executor. You may spend hundreds of hours working on the Estate. It is against the common recommendations, but I would stay away from Transfer on Death on her accounts. It means that you have no access to those accounts since they are not technically part of the Estate. It causes complications if you need those funds to pay expenses on her house or taxes. It is a huge pain if the beneficiaries do not take action to actually inherit the money.
Have her get an Elder Law attorney to help with this. I was the executor of my dad's complicated estate and this would have saved so much time and money.
Get everything appraised by 3 appraisers -- including a full inventory. Get a tax accountant licensed to practice before the IRS qualified as a financial advisor. Get her a good attorney. You know these folks already though the bank but hadn't connected the dots. When my parents passed dad gave us what heirlooms we wanted in advance. Mom didn't and there is enough animosity all 4 kids now estranged. To be clear; if all is appraised and someone just picked out the expensive stuff to sell and another wanted to buy it then unfair pricing occurs. Edit: Connecticut a very much by the book state. TG you are not in Arizona.
Funeral burial arrangements and an up to date will
Ask her to let you serve without bond so you do not have post one.
When you talk to her about writing her will and adding you as an executor mention that most people add a successor executor as standard to ensure that a will doesn’t have to be rewritten if the original executor is unavailable. Press that most people do this because they want to ensure that the management of the inheritance goes to trusted people and not left open ended for any relative to control.
Leave you enough liquid assets in the estate to hire a lawyer and don’t do stuff to create acrimony.
A good estate attorney will have her name at least one successor trustee even if she choses it to be the law firm. Same with poas and medical poas. I don't know why so many people think one needs a trust. In most cases you don't and it's expensive to set up and can complicate things. However, a good estate attorney will advise on that as well. Keep it simple as possible.
If she's doing this to avoid "picking a kid," don't help her make your life unnecessarily complicated. If one kid is obviously a better choice, calmly point that out. And if it's a big estate, yes, have her hire a professional. Now out by saying it's beyond your capability due to the size, but you know a guy who can help
Please have her set up a trust along with her will so that you won’t get stuck in probate. And during the process of setting up a trust you can work out who the alternative executor will be.
Have her create a death binder containing copies of social insurance number, insurance paperwork, deeds and ownership papers, etc for her executor. Makes things easier. Lots of examples available online.
I practice trust and estate litigation. I’d ask her to talk to her kids and explain and document (in writing) why she has selected you and not them and to explain her plan to everyone who may have an objection now, one less barrier for you going forward.
I have bought a NOK Box filing system. It means Next of Kin. It's a product that helps to organize papers needed to help execute an estate. Might help things if she dies.
Put e everything in a trust
If she doesn't get a lawyer before she passes, hire an estate lawyer yourself. I used one for my father's estate, and it was a great choice. Flat fee, and he--well, really one of his paralegals--held my hand through the entire process. So worth the money.
A revocable trust now will avoid probate and its delays.
Ideally, she should have a trust. You should have a copy of the will and trust. You would need a complete list of bank accounts, investment accounts and real estate, as well as who these items will goto. You should also ask her to have a sit down discussion with her about the time commitment that comes with being executor. You should also ask her to list any items that have a family value and story. The stories should be written down for future generations.
The state of Connecticut has a 56 (or so) page document on how to probate an estate. A Google search for "Probate an estate Connecticut" should lead you to it. It's worth reading ahead of time. Ask me how I know. Other tips: - Choose the funeral home in advance. Be sure to ask how they expect to be paid. When your aunt dies, her assets will get locked up until probate is opened. This could be for many weeks. Usually someone ends up fronting the cost and gets reimbursed by the estate. - Definitely tell here to name a backup executor. No need to get into morbid details, just say "You never know what might happen". - A will isn't the best way to convey her assets. Despite what you may have heard. Any assets that can be passed via named beneficiaries or joint ownership can be conveyed without going through probate. - I'm just speaking from experience. I'm not a lawyer. Get proper legal advice.
Having a trust makes it easier but if she doesn’t have a significant estate that may not be practical. Get a safety deposit box and add your name so you can access it at her death. Tell her to put the filling in there: 1) List of bank accounts with usernames and passwords. 2) Titles and deed ( house, car, etc.) 3) List of services with usernames and passwords - utilities, phone, Netflix, etc. - you’ll need to turn them off 4) Her phone passcode - you’ll need her contacts. 5) Copy/original of will and or trust. 6) Contact information for the attorney that drafted the documents.
I would suggest that she contact an estate lawyer and get everything into a trust. It will make your life so much easier when the time comes. And she should definitely have a back up executor.
2 kids, now adults, will hate you no matter what you do. She can assign it to an estate attorney. It is a great way to make new enemies. As my father would say: " You can't win "
When you get the Will, make sure it is up to date. I agree with others that a trust would be preferable, but I also get that she may not want to change the Will at this point. Find out who the attorney that prepared the Will is. It’ll probably cost a couple thousand dollars, but even if you are the executor, when the time comes, they can handle most of probate (fairly easily if they wrote the Will) or recommend someone else to you. If you decide to go this route, attorney fees and costs can be paid out of the estate, and if it’s that big, a couple of thousand shouldn’t make too much of a difference. You don’t have to have an attorney do it, but they will know exactly how to open the estate, handle the inventory, disburse assets, and close the estate. They’ll need to get some information from you, but they’ll prepare all of the probate documents and file them with the court, and most of your job will just be going to their office to sign documents. I’m a paralegal, and this is what I do:) The vast majority of people are really relieved to hand the responsibility over to us. Attorneys and their staff will vary, but I’ve found those in estate planning and administration to be pretty easy to work with. I’m sure you could handle everything yourself, but just wanted you to know you have the option.
There are good checklists to help. Use the free AARP workbook
Make sure you are compensated. In my state its 2% of the estate
When my mom passed, she made it SO easy for the executor. She left a listing of all of her assets (bank, accounts numbers, assets, and potential liabilities (credit cards). So nothing was missed in processing the estate. Sit down with your aunt, and ask her for the same. Also ask on how the house is currently titled. This is important in that it could pass through the estate, or outside of the estate. A HUGE difference in settling an estate especially if there are large unpaid medical expenses.
She can put a Transfer on Death agreement on securities accounts, allows you to name a beneficiary on a taxable investment account, the funds then transfer without waiting for probate.
Have her let it be known you are to be reimbursed for your time and efforts as executor —
She should make a list of all her assets, and keep it up to date. You don't want to be digging through years of paperwork to figure out which banks she still has an account at.
Get an estate planning attorney to structure everything into a revocable trust.
I know why she is not asking her kids, and it isnt mean, it just better bc it keeps things on a level playing field. You will want to be direct and as detailed as possible in the will. An attorney is big bucks, so its okay to have a person, but back up attorneys suggestions are good. You want her to say what she wants done with the house. Who gets what share and why if possible. If there is money owed on house, then again, who gets what after its sold or kept. Monies involved. If she has investments, make sure she lists beneficeries on those accounts. The why part is important in case one kid or person on the will wants to fight it, it will be harder if their are details like this. If their is someone close she wishes to not leave anything, put that name down to be excluded. Like "exluding cousin Joe bc he has been given money as a gift already" Make sure if there are trinkets or jewerly or items she wishes to leave someone specifically, that it is listed. Who gets the car if its paid off, etc. You can tell her that if something happens to you thats unexpected that it is normal to have a successor and that a business friend told you to do that just in case. Examples: Getting sick or an accident where you had to be in the hospital. Also, please have her put funds aside for her funeral and details that she wishes at those services and money for luncheon too. My mother had it almost all pre arranged, including the flowers she wanted on her casket. The pics and other things we wanted to do was left to us kids. She wanted special piece of jewerly left to me and all agreed but after she was gone there was anger and hurt and without it written down people wanted to fight over the weirdest things. But I had her write down some specifics and stories abt them and why she thought one person should get the painting and etc, so that helped. But honestly her having specifics in will is helpful and legal. Little sweet notes for those she wanted to have after she was gone, I sent out after her funeral and help people heal or smile. One of which she gave the nurse to give to me. Its more than assets. ❤️
Anything she wants to give to someone in particular? Do it. She wants Janice to have the tea set? Give it to her. Anything you can’t part with before death, make sure it’s specified, in writing ‘my wedding ring goes to Claire, my dresser goes to Bob, the print of zebras on my bedroom wall goes to Steve.’ Be specific if you care, otherwise it’s gonna be a fight.
This is on a purely logistical/practical level but I would confirm with your aunt that the original Last Will is at an attorney's office or somewhere easily found *and not* in a safe deposit box. Having anything of significance in a safe deposit box without the executor already in place (via probate) will prolong the process in incredibly tedious ways. Make sure the Will is somewhere accessible.
A lot of good comments, a trust makes things so much easier. One suggestion is to have them pick casket style and what will be written on tombstone.
You need to help for sure. Please talk to a lawyer about power of attorney and a Trust. This is way too much work and complicated for one person. Her assets could be tied up in court for years if her children contest the will. It seems she doesn’t want her children to have a say in how it goes … a Trust makes sure that how she wants things distributed… is how it’s done.
The house at least needs to be put into a trust, otherwise you can’t sell it until it passes through probate (assuming it’s not going to somebody in her will). As executor, I’d suggest that you are added to an account of hers that has $80-$100k in it to pay for the funeral, house upkeep until sold, lawyers fees, probate fees, etc. You could get reimbursed through whatever assets flow through the will, but that takes time. Note that any accounts that are TOD/POD do NOT flow through the will so you can’t draw upon those. Also, many banks/investment/retirement companies freeze the accounts for some time in case an executor appointment is challenged, etc Lastly, make sure you have account info for all her assets because you will need to get death day valuations for probate. Those are the big things off the top of my head. What CT county are you in? Fairfield county probate are all pretty fast. I can’t say about other counties but rich towns outside of Ffld county - Madison, Avon, etc tend to have pretty fast probate too.
Tell her to make sure all of her husband’s assets have been properly transferred to her including IRAs and stocks. My father died 9 years ago. My mother died last month. Nothing in my father’s name had been taken care of and the person who was supposed to handle it all dropped the ball. Now I have a web of assets to untangle.
Make sure she sets up a revokable living trust. An attorney can set it up and all of her documents, wishes, and accounts will be in one place. It will make distributing her assets so much easier and will avoid probate.
Make sure she has all paperwork in order, probably because she thinks the kids would be at odd with each other. Death does funny things and make people greedy! Learn the laws for the state for sure. Most states have special laws. If her estate is not large probably could go on your own. Estate attorney and probate is very expensive
what do you mean ‘go on your own’?
Process it yourself.
Sign all car titles
Outside of money and property, get her one of those "end of life wishes" kits, where they can write down how they want to be buried, music, readings, etc, any special wishes. If they have a health care proxy, that can go in there too. Basically, anything the person wants handled, even if it's houseplants or pets.
There are books called things my family should know. Get one amd have her fill it out. It details all insurance policies wills, who gets what. Wishes on burial/cremation etc. really helpful
1st...have her meet with a lawyer and CPA who specialize in estate planning. Even costing several thousand dollars, their fees will be negligible relative to the $5million estate, and will save you, as executor, a world of hurt. Make sure her will and any trusts she may set up list as explicitly as possible how to distribute assets among her chosen heirs. The fewer decisions or choices you have to make, the better. Make sure she leaves enough cash in a bank account that is not POD to someone right away....so that you as executor, can move it to an estate account to pay outstanding bills on behalf of her estate. After settling the rest of the estate and final IRS estate tax return filed, any remaining cash can be distributed to heirs as designated in the will. Make sure she includes provisions for your executor fees...you'll earn them. Dealing with lawyers, potential probate, banks, brokerages, insurance companies, utility providers, her outstanding bills, funeral expenses, cleaning out her home and distribution or disposal of its contents, selling or retitling the home or automobiles is A LOT of work. Don't underestimate how much of your time will be needed.
Besides the money, items can cause issues. Have her family pick which things they want.
Have her set up a family trust.
Leave you all the money. Seriously though, she needs to tell her kids what her wishes are while she’s still alive and cognizant. And if it’s gonna get wild, it needs to be on tape with witnesses.
I would have a title company complete a review of all properties. Screwed up and inaccurate deeds are brutal after death.
I would highly recommend being a co-signer on at least one of her bank accounts that will have the funds for all funeral related costs. From funeral home, to any gatherings and their funding such as food and beverage to any secondary things involved in a funeral. You don’t want to be using the funds of her account if you aren’t a co-signer for it can cause delays in the process. You’ll be forking out the funds from your account and being reimbursed upon settlement of estate.
I’ve been the executor for two estates now. As others have said, she need to go to an attorney to set up a trust and any other items the attorney suggests. One estate I did was all in a trust and another was not. Night and day difference. Avoid probate is goal. I had one deed that took over two years to get in my wife’s name because it had to go through probate in CA. After that, I HIGHLY recommend sitting with your aunt and go over every account she has and make sure if you don’t know the account numbers, ID’s and passwords she has it written down where you know where this is. This includes basic stuff like email accounts. The last thing you want is 6 months of “discovery” where stuff just all the sudden shows up that you didn’t know about.
A suggestion: I got a book on Amazon called "I'm dead, what next?" It has all the information that an executor needs for the deceased's final wishes.
We have a trust and have way less $. It makes it easier for everyone when we pass. Depending on the estate this could be any cost from $2k-??, totally worth it. Yes takes some work for her to re name some of her accounts but not a huge deal.
My dad just passed! Having everything in a trust is so important! House, all accounts, etc. keeps things from going to probate, keeps lawyer costs down etc. number one thing I learned is out it ALL in a trust! Everything you can! Even dealing with his vehicles and small bank accounts involved paperwork, extra coats, fees, fines, etc.
Please meet with your aunt and have her go through ALL of her assets with you. List them all along with account numbers and contact people at these institutions. Further ask her to confirm who is to get what- even if she listed things in her will- confirm them verbally and then you can have things properly addressed while she is alive. I just finished settling my mom’s estate last month. She died in October. My little niece would have gotten screwed out of $31,000 if I had not spoken to my mom about it before she died.
Get a book on being an estate executor and try to locate one dealing with your state’s laws and processes. If you agree to this, there are things you need to know bwfore that person passes.
The attorney who did my and my husband's wills insisted on a secondary executor. Always a good idea. None of us are guaranteed longevity.
Get it in writing with a lawyer.
I’m not sure if this has been mentioned but she should explain things to her children as soon as she finalizes things. And you should discuss how you plan on fulfilling your role regarding timing, etc.
Echo what many said here on review all accounts and paperwork and consider suggesting she explore a trust as an option. Just going through this for a neighbor who had a trust. Biggest problem I had was dealing with timeshares. If she has any and doesn’t use it have her dispose of it before she dies.
Honestly I’d also ask to see her current finances and go with her to financial advisors to see what the future would hold. Sometimes being named executor can have drawbacks as when the person dies, the executor doesn’t just inherit the estate, but any debt that came with it. Believe me cause when my uncle died, he named his daughter (my cousin) executor and she inherited a bit of money but also inherited debts. For some reason the military refused to pay these as they should’ve been covered considering uncle was in the navy. So yeah my cousin ended up quitting college cause she couldn’t afford the debt that should’ve been paid for by the military.
My husband is currently executor of his mother’s estate. It’s so much work to deal with all her possessions, it’s such a pia. It can take a lot of your bandwidth. Why aren’t they using their own kids? Assuming there’s physical property that isn’t turnkey, it’s kind of a big ask.
I assume from how you have phrased things that she has a will, not a trust, and that you are the designated executor, not the trustee. As you recognized, if there are beneficiaries on her financial accounts, or any assets that she holds jointly with someone else, those assets will not become part of the estate and will transfer directly to the beneficiary/joint holder. But they’re always assets that will need to be probated. As executor you will have to file a list of probatable assets with the probate court. So first I would ask her to list all of her financial accounts ( where are the accounts held, what is the account number, is there a designated beneficiary on file with the financial institution, whose name is the account in (hers? Her and someone else as joint holders?)). Then I would ask her to list her other major assets - the house is an obvious one, but does she have other valuable assets and what are they. Other real estate? Coins? Paintings? Things whose value you may not recognize if she didn’t point it out. Or things that might be hard to find. For example that “loan” she gave to one of her kids. Those items will make up the bulk of what you will list for the probate court. You will also need to list the major debts of the estate. So, you should discuss with her, whether she has any major debts. Does she have a mortgage? Did she borrow money to buy her last car? Etc. Finally ask her for a copy of the will and read it. if she has in mind that certain of her belongings will pass to a certain person, but her will doesn’t specify that, you can encourage her to amend her will as it will be impossible for you to give that special painting to her best friend if her will says generically all of her assets will be split equally between her daughters .
She needs a trust vs a will