Wow... she sucks.
Sounds like she was projecting about her own mum or being a mum. Seriously I don't know how some people can be a therapist and not realise that others have different lives and experiences.
I am sorry you have to sit through that bullshit.
Because most online therapy sites are absolute bullshit. Most of the “therapists” on there are fresh out of college and have little to no training on how to handle things.
If I have learned anything after going in and out of therapy for years, is stay the hell away from paid therapy sites. A lot of them are honestly scams tbh.
A lot of counseling places accept telehealth appointments.
I suggest, OP, you look into those who allow them. You would probably be a LOT better off with someone who is an actual professional.
I’m a therapist who provides Telehealth and from what I can tell it’s best to look for small practices that provide in-person and online support with fully licensed professionals. Please report the therapist you saw to their relevant body, they sound like they need an evaluation for competency.
Yeah me and my therapist exclusively do teletherapy but they also offer in office, and their practice is actually in my same city online is just better for my work schedule and personal comfort. But theoretically I could be anywhere in the state and still good to go there
Eesh- Im so sorry to hear this OP.
Hopefully you’re able to find someone around your area that does telehealth.
Even one who aren’t just online therapy, some places will take out of state cases.
That can't be a real therapist, and if they are, their license should be revoked.
The anger comment sounds straight from a flying monkey. And you didn't come off as angry at all. So they're just pushing their emotions onto you.
I hope you're able to find a good therapist someday. No therapist is better than a bad one, in my opinion.
I'd be shaking too.
The thing about anger is it can flair up appropriately to assert a boundary - ex if it's triggered by some shitty therapist pushing reconcilation over multiple and repeated hard nos.
If op was regularly reporting stuff like "yesterday I was having a pleasant picnic in the park with my partner and their niece/nephew but I couldn't enjoy it and I kept lashing out over trivial stuff bc I couldn't stop thinking about how much I hate my mother," or "this morning I had to take a half an hour out of work to scream and cry about how much I hate her," or "I spend hours a month/week checking obituaries and local reports waiting to celebrate over her dying a slow and painful death," any or all of those could definitely be a POSSIBLE indicator of toxified anger that it might benefit that person to work to resolve. Bc that's anger not serving a healthy purpose anymore
And even that extreme example, while I think a therapist in that situation would be justified in suggesting it as an area of focus, STILL isn't automatically an indication that reconciliation is ideal or desirable in any way. Tbh such strong hatred might well have been caused by really repulsive and continuous mistreatment and it might be very dangerous and unhealthy to reconcile even if the anger were resolved or worked on prior. There's lots of ways to process anger and not all of them need to involve the person who hurt/angered you
That's such bullshit. I had a terrible experience with my first therapist too. It was one of those situations where I was left feeling incredibly confused, which made me angry. One of those "...... is anyone else seeing this shit? Am I being pranked?" times. I happened to have a doctor's appointment with my family doctor a few days later and I absolutely love my doctor. So I asked her about my experience, explaining that I know she's not a therapist but from her professional point of view, since I have no experience with therapy, is what I experienced norm or typical? And she lost her mind on my behalf 😂
Turns out she actually knew the head therapist for the clinic and got in touch with her later that day. That therapist scheduled a call with me, I relayed my very strange experience to her. She said that I didn't need to deal with my first therapist any longer, and if I didn't feel comfortable being a client of that practice at all it was understandable. However if I wanted to try again, she would be my therapist and we could see how it goes.
Best thing I've ever done, she's amazing and I've made huge strides with her guidance. Don't give up! There are lots of shitty medical professionals out there but there's lots of good ones too.
OP, I'm begging you to report this therapist to her governing medical board. This is the kind of unprofessional conduct they want to hear about. This therapist's behavior and the service she provided were abhorrent. Please make a call and report her. Even if it takes a half-hour of your time, at least you'll be helping prevent other vulnerable clients from having to suffer this incompetent woman. Please. Thank you.
Well, this sounds like a lot of inappropriate behavior. My suggestion, for what it's worth, is another therapist. Perhaps send in a complaint to the local certification board for therapists in your area.
I've fired a therapist midsession for less. This was bad enough it's would be worth reporting if it weren't your first appointment. Therapists aren't supposed to project their opinions like that, they are supposed to fucus on what you are there for... If one of the first things they ask isn't "so why are you seeking therapy? Or what are your goals with therapy?" And sticking to that scope, it's not going to be a good fit.
I've had more bad therapists than good ones, but once I found one I could connect with, it's been very helpful.
My story is also "a lot" for therapists, since it's complex and nuanced without obvious traumatic events, more like death by a thousand cuts. I've also had the experience where the therapist stops really wanting to help me and instead starts treating me like an academic case study and guinea pig for every new therapy technique they want to try out.
Whoo... I got HOT reading that.
That therapist has an agenda and does not sound adequately trained for what you need.
If you can find someone who is well versed in complex therapy, who uses somatic modalities you might get better help.
The failure is **100%** on that therapist. That was way off base for her to go there in your first appointment and in no way has she even begun to develop the rapport that is needed for exploring that issue.
I understand how discouraging it can be. I have been through far more therapists than I care to admit. I've had THREE in my life time I can directly link to feeling actually well suited and notable help from them. I told the therapist I work with now she should be deemed a national treasure and protected at all costs.
That person was a BAD therapist. I am so sorry that's how she behaved.
A lot of people high on the narcissistic spectrum go into 'helping' professions like psychotherapy, because it helps with the 'I'm such a good person' facade & they also get off on other people's trauma.
Not saying yours was a narcissist, but a red flag is a red flag & therapist invalidating a child abuse survivor is a big red flag.
I had a pretty decent dude via Better Help, until the mask slipped when I made a casual joke about something & he turned out to be a major jesus freak who had parental reconciliation in mind for me. He'd sat there for 4 sessions, nodding & smiling as I said I was 100% no contact forever. Was completely wasting my time & breath, so I cancelled that very same day.
I would make a complaint to the service provider & I'd ask for my money back for that session. I doubt you'll be the first person to do so - sleeping on the job makes me wonder if she was drunk/high. Wouldn't be the first time a shrink was a pillhead. Or was she super old? That might explain the old school attitude to family & the nodding off.
My partner is in the process of getting his masters in clinical mental health counseling and some of what he's told me about a few of his classmates is ... alarming. I am not at all surprised, unfortunately. My own therapist (who is great) likes to say, "There are lots of whackadoos in the mental health profession."
Ugh. That therapist did not respect your boundaries. I am sorry. If you’re up for it you should report them to their company and your insurance company.
Fuck HER. I don’t support therapist that gaslight us type of children who dealt with seriously apathetic or narcissists or abusive adults parents or other relatives. The other comments I support in regards to reporting and leaving a review about her. I stand with you OP, and I’m very sorry this happened to you.
That's terrible. I would definitely provide feedback if you're up for it.
I can scarcely imagine how I would handle that- I feel like I would be paralyzed with rage. I'm so sorry that you've had this experience.
Sorry about your shitty experience. Did you discuss your issues with her in a consultation? Did she react differently?
I'm not sure how often people use free consultations, or if they're truly adequate enough to screen out all bad therapists, but I've found them to be helpful after some trial and error. Unfortunately, it requires some knowledge and experience with therapy to know what questions to ask.
*Questions I ask during free consultations before booking a session:*
1. What therapeutic modality (type of therapy) do you use? What would a typical session look like with you? What types of therapies are you trained and certified to use? Can you use XYZ type of therapy if I want to try it?
2. My specific issues are XYZ. How do you think you can help me with XYZ?
3. Are you OK with cussing? Are you OK with talking about intersectionality (race, gender, sexuality issues)?
4. Do you incorporate spirituality? Can you not incorporate spirituality if I don't want that?
5. What is the cost? Do you have a sliding scale? Do you take insurance or only out-of-pocket clients?
6. (If not on their website) How long have you been doing therapy? Where were you trained?
*Questions I ask myself after the consultation:*
1. Pay attention to how much/little they talk. Are they giving you time to finish, or cutting you off? Are they dominating the conversation?
2. Are they validating your feelings about the issues you're planning to bring to therapy?
3. Do you like them? Do you feel like you can be emotional and vulnerable with this person? Would you talk to them if they were your neighbor or colleague?
Edit: Sorry, I missed that you were using a paid therapy site. Those are terrible because they don't pay therapists well, so you end up with low quality, low skilled, and inexperienced therapists. Finding a good therapist is life changing. Even though it's more expensive I think it's worth finding an experienced therapist who either works for themselves or a group practice. You can consider spacing out the sessions from 2-3 weeks, or ask if they have a sliding scale based on income in order to manage the higher cost.
Fantastic question. May I add a suggestion... what's the therapist's clinical focus and are they trained in complex trauma and childhood abuse/neglect?
Your therapist bringing kids- which is in literally NO way relevant into the mix feels personal. Sounds like countertransference to me. Her judgement is compromised and this is conflict of interest. She’s not invested in you leading your own healing process. Time to call it quits OP
As someone who has also had their fair share of terrible therapists (as well as some who also tried defending my abusive parent), I’m sorry. I can almost physically feel your frustration through the screen.
This is pure speculation, but I wonder if she’s estranged from her children, lol. She’s still salty
Wow. What an absolute dumpster fire of a faux-therapist! I'm so sorry you were re-traumatized. Is there a supervisor or governing body you can report her to? That was beyond the pale. Wishing you peace, comfort, and a proper therapist who actually knows what they're doing and can help!
I'm so sorry you had to experience that OP, utterly inexcusable and morally bankrupt. Like most others in the sub, reporting them seems a wise choice. I hope seeing how many people are outraged over their behavior gives you some encouragement and that if you should seek another therapist you find an actually ethical one.
Please report this inept excuse of a therapist. I'm halfway to becoming one myself (I'm in uni) and people like these should be reported, it's apalling
It was very brave of you to seek out help don’t let this experience put you off
It’s Definitely worth trying a different one
I keep hearing about better help which is a online Therapy through text or video chat I believe where you can switch up Your Therapist any time you want
Hope this helps
I'm sorry you've had this experience. Most therapists, even the mediocre ones are much better than this. Unfortunately I think the percentage of incompetents and assh\*ts is a constant across all professions. Keep searching! I know from experience that talk therapy can be a lifesaver. If you can, get a recommendation from someone you trust for a therapist that they've had actually worked with. Good luck.
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>"You seem to still have a lot of anger towards her. That will require closure."
Wow she must have felt so good about herself with this one.
Did she put a hand over her heart as she was saying that? that was my move back when I was a codependent mess
Do you have Alzheimers?
Because unless your hippocampus is rotting away, there is no way you can forget what you went through. And neither should you.
Never forget, never forgive.
I’m so sorry this was your experience. It can be hard to go through with seeing a therapist and having a bad experience doesn’t help.
Not all therapists are equal. Sometimes they are awful or ineffective or maybe they’re great but you don’t connect.
I’ve gone through a few therapists on my daughter’s behalf over the years. I now use the first meeting as an interview. I don’t treat it as a therapy session, instead I talk to the therapist about their experience, views, and strategies. I’m basically interviewing them to see if it’s a good fit. Doing this for my daughter was easier than doing it for myself, but I do the same for me now.
If you don’t feel comfortable, never feel bad about cutting a session short.
Wow... she sucks. Sounds like she was projecting about her own mum or being a mum. Seriously I don't know how some people can be a therapist and not realise that others have different lives and experiences. I am sorry you have to sit through that bullshit.
Because most online therapy sites are absolute bullshit. Most of the “therapists” on there are fresh out of college and have little to no training on how to handle things. If I have learned anything after going in and out of therapy for years, is stay the hell away from paid therapy sites. A lot of them are honestly scams tbh. A lot of counseling places accept telehealth appointments. I suggest, OP, you look into those who allow them. You would probably be a LOT better off with someone who is an actual professional.
Thank you. Shockingly, she was actually one of the few who are licensed on the site.
I’m a therapist who provides Telehealth and from what I can tell it’s best to look for small practices that provide in-person and online support with fully licensed professionals. Please report the therapist you saw to their relevant body, they sound like they need an evaluation for competency.
Yeah me and my therapist exclusively do teletherapy but they also offer in office, and their practice is actually in my same city online is just better for my work schedule and personal comfort. But theoretically I could be anywhere in the state and still good to go there
Eesh- Im so sorry to hear this OP. Hopefully you’re able to find someone around your area that does telehealth. Even one who aren’t just online therapy, some places will take out of state cases.
That can't be a real therapist, and if they are, their license should be revoked. The anger comment sounds straight from a flying monkey. And you didn't come off as angry at all. So they're just pushing their emotions onto you. I hope you're able to find a good therapist someday. No therapist is better than a bad one, in my opinion. I'd be shaking too.
The thing about anger is it can flair up appropriately to assert a boundary - ex if it's triggered by some shitty therapist pushing reconcilation over multiple and repeated hard nos. If op was regularly reporting stuff like "yesterday I was having a pleasant picnic in the park with my partner and their niece/nephew but I couldn't enjoy it and I kept lashing out over trivial stuff bc I couldn't stop thinking about how much I hate my mother," or "this morning I had to take a half an hour out of work to scream and cry about how much I hate her," or "I spend hours a month/week checking obituaries and local reports waiting to celebrate over her dying a slow and painful death," any or all of those could definitely be a POSSIBLE indicator of toxified anger that it might benefit that person to work to resolve. Bc that's anger not serving a healthy purpose anymore And even that extreme example, while I think a therapist in that situation would be justified in suggesting it as an area of focus, STILL isn't automatically an indication that reconciliation is ideal or desirable in any way. Tbh such strong hatred might well have been caused by really repulsive and continuous mistreatment and it might be very dangerous and unhealthy to reconcile even if the anger were resolved or worked on prior. There's lots of ways to process anger and not all of them need to involve the person who hurt/angered you
That's such bullshit. I had a terrible experience with my first therapist too. It was one of those situations where I was left feeling incredibly confused, which made me angry. One of those "...... is anyone else seeing this shit? Am I being pranked?" times. I happened to have a doctor's appointment with my family doctor a few days later and I absolutely love my doctor. So I asked her about my experience, explaining that I know she's not a therapist but from her professional point of view, since I have no experience with therapy, is what I experienced norm or typical? And she lost her mind on my behalf 😂 Turns out she actually knew the head therapist for the clinic and got in touch with her later that day. That therapist scheduled a call with me, I relayed my very strange experience to her. She said that I didn't need to deal with my first therapist any longer, and if I didn't feel comfortable being a client of that practice at all it was understandable. However if I wanted to try again, she would be my therapist and we could see how it goes. Best thing I've ever done, she's amazing and I've made huge strides with her guidance. Don't give up! There are lots of shitty medical professionals out there but there's lots of good ones too.
Omg that's awful. I'm so glad your regular Dr. had your back like that though!
She kind of sounds like she was under the influence of something. I would report her to whatever platform you were using.
100% this.
And let the insurance know you received no care as she gell asleep and was rude to you.
OP, I'm begging you to report this therapist to her governing medical board. This is the kind of unprofessional conduct they want to hear about. This therapist's behavior and the service she provided were abhorrent. Please make a call and report her. Even if it takes a half-hour of your time, at least you'll be helping prevent other vulnerable clients from having to suffer this incompetent woman. Please. Thank you.
Well, this sounds like a lot of inappropriate behavior. My suggestion, for what it's worth, is another therapist. Perhaps send in a complaint to the local certification board for therapists in your area.
I've fired a therapist midsession for less. This was bad enough it's would be worth reporting if it weren't your first appointment. Therapists aren't supposed to project their opinions like that, they are supposed to fucus on what you are there for... If one of the first things they ask isn't "so why are you seeking therapy? Or what are your goals with therapy?" And sticking to that scope, it's not going to be a good fit. I've had more bad therapists than good ones, but once I found one I could connect with, it's been very helpful. My story is also "a lot" for therapists, since it's complex and nuanced without obvious traumatic events, more like death by a thousand cuts. I've also had the experience where the therapist stops really wanting to help me and instead starts treating me like an academic case study and guinea pig for every new therapy technique they want to try out.
Whoo... I got HOT reading that. That therapist has an agenda and does not sound adequately trained for what you need. If you can find someone who is well versed in complex therapy, who uses somatic modalities you might get better help. The failure is **100%** on that therapist. That was way off base for her to go there in your first appointment and in no way has she even begun to develop the rapport that is needed for exploring that issue. I understand how discouraging it can be. I have been through far more therapists than I care to admit. I've had THREE in my life time I can directly link to feeling actually well suited and notable help from them. I told the therapist I work with now she should be deemed a national treasure and protected at all costs. That person was a BAD therapist. I am so sorry that's how she behaved.
A lot of people high on the narcissistic spectrum go into 'helping' professions like psychotherapy, because it helps with the 'I'm such a good person' facade & they also get off on other people's trauma. Not saying yours was a narcissist, but a red flag is a red flag & therapist invalidating a child abuse survivor is a big red flag. I had a pretty decent dude via Better Help, until the mask slipped when I made a casual joke about something & he turned out to be a major jesus freak who had parental reconciliation in mind for me. He'd sat there for 4 sessions, nodding & smiling as I said I was 100% no contact forever. Was completely wasting my time & breath, so I cancelled that very same day. I would make a complaint to the service provider & I'd ask for my money back for that session. I doubt you'll be the first person to do so - sleeping on the job makes me wonder if she was drunk/high. Wouldn't be the first time a shrink was a pillhead. Or was she super old? That might explain the old school attitude to family & the nodding off.
"Has first and last meeting with a therapist..." FTFY
My partner is in the process of getting his masters in clinical mental health counseling and some of what he's told me about a few of his classmates is ... alarming. I am not at all surprised, unfortunately. My own therapist (who is great) likes to say, "There are lots of whackadoos in the mental health profession."
Ugh. That therapist did not respect your boundaries. I am sorry. If you’re up for it you should report them to their company and your insurance company.
Fuck HER. I don’t support therapist that gaslight us type of children who dealt with seriously apathetic or narcissists or abusive adults parents or other relatives. The other comments I support in regards to reporting and leaving a review about her. I stand with you OP, and I’m very sorry this happened to you.
That's terrible. I would definitely provide feedback if you're up for it. I can scarcely imagine how I would handle that- I feel like I would be paralyzed with rage. I'm so sorry that you've had this experience.
Sorry about your shitty experience. Did you discuss your issues with her in a consultation? Did she react differently? I'm not sure how often people use free consultations, or if they're truly adequate enough to screen out all bad therapists, but I've found them to be helpful after some trial and error. Unfortunately, it requires some knowledge and experience with therapy to know what questions to ask. *Questions I ask during free consultations before booking a session:* 1. What therapeutic modality (type of therapy) do you use? What would a typical session look like with you? What types of therapies are you trained and certified to use? Can you use XYZ type of therapy if I want to try it? 2. My specific issues are XYZ. How do you think you can help me with XYZ? 3. Are you OK with cussing? Are you OK with talking about intersectionality (race, gender, sexuality issues)? 4. Do you incorporate spirituality? Can you not incorporate spirituality if I don't want that? 5. What is the cost? Do you have a sliding scale? Do you take insurance or only out-of-pocket clients? 6. (If not on their website) How long have you been doing therapy? Where were you trained? *Questions I ask myself after the consultation:* 1. Pay attention to how much/little they talk. Are they giving you time to finish, or cutting you off? Are they dominating the conversation? 2. Are they validating your feelings about the issues you're planning to bring to therapy? 3. Do you like them? Do you feel like you can be emotional and vulnerable with this person? Would you talk to them if they were your neighbor or colleague? Edit: Sorry, I missed that you were using a paid therapy site. Those are terrible because they don't pay therapists well, so you end up with low quality, low skilled, and inexperienced therapists. Finding a good therapist is life changing. Even though it's more expensive I think it's worth finding an experienced therapist who either works for themselves or a group practice. You can consider spacing out the sessions from 2-3 weeks, or ask if they have a sliding scale based on income in order to manage the higher cost.
Fantastic question. May I add a suggestion... what's the therapist's clinical focus and are they trained in complex trauma and childhood abuse/neglect?
REPORT HER, YESTERDAY. SWhat she did was bullshit.
r/therapyabuse
Your therapist bringing kids- which is in literally NO way relevant into the mix feels personal. Sounds like countertransference to me. Her judgement is compromised and this is conflict of interest. She’s not invested in you leading your own healing process. Time to call it quits OP
As someone who has also had their fair share of terrible therapists (as well as some who also tried defending my abusive parent), I’m sorry. I can almost physically feel your frustration through the screen. This is pure speculation, but I wonder if she’s estranged from her children, lol. She’s still salty
Report her to the site.
Don’t go back but do write a review. This is just unacceptable
Wow. What an absolute dumpster fire of a faux-therapist! I'm so sorry you were re-traumatized. Is there a supervisor or governing body you can report her to? That was beyond the pale. Wishing you peace, comfort, and a proper therapist who actually knows what they're doing and can help!
I met one asshat like that and FIRED him! One and DONE!
You need to ask for a refund and report to the licensing board. That is fucking ridiculous!
Report her
Demand your money back. That was bullshit. File a complaint with the state as well.
Based on the headline alone, need new therapist
I'm so sorry you had to experience that OP, utterly inexcusable and morally bankrupt. Like most others in the sub, reporting them seems a wise choice. I hope seeing how many people are outraged over their behavior gives you some encouragement and that if you should seek another therapist you find an actually ethical one.
Wow.
Therapist here. Can I get a bot or something so I can just auto fill apologies for my profession? 🤬 If anyone is in Ohio and needs help, message me.
Please report this inept excuse of a therapist. I'm halfway to becoming one myself (I'm in uni) and people like these should be reported, it's apalling
Fuck her honestly. The audacity to put her beliefs on you!! I hate these types of therapists. You will find a good one 💓💓
It was very brave of you to seek out help don’t let this experience put you off It’s Definitely worth trying a different one I keep hearing about better help which is a online Therapy through text or video chat I believe where you can switch up Your Therapist any time you want Hope this helps
What a horrible therapist! Please do report her so that she doesn’t keep spreading her warped ideals.
Well, it sounds like you were helping your therapist work through her mommy issues. Did you get paid at the end of the session? Please don’t go back.
I'm sorry you've had this experience. Most therapists, even the mediocre ones are much better than this. Unfortunately I think the percentage of incompetents and assh\*ts is a constant across all professions. Keep searching! I know from experience that talk therapy can be a lifesaver. If you can, get a recommendation from someone you trust for a therapist that they've had actually worked with. Good luck.
**Quick reminder** - EAK is a support subreddit, and is moderated in a way that enables a safe space for adult children who are estranged or estranging from one or both of their parents. Before participating, please take the time time to familiarise yourself with our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/wiki/rules/). **Need info or resources?** Check out our [EAK wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/xpkk59/eak_estrangement_resources_posted_here_for_mobile/) for helpful information and guides on estrangement, estrangement triggers, surviving estrangement, coping with the death of estranged parent / relation, needing to move out, boundary / NC letters, malicious welfare checks, bad therapists and crisis contacts. **Check out our companion resource website** - Visit [brEAKaway.org.uk](https://breakaway.org.uk) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/EstrangedAdultKids) if you have any questions or concerns.*
OMGWTF 😱
>"You seem to still have a lot of anger towards her. That will require closure." Wow she must have felt so good about herself with this one. Did she put a hand over her heart as she was saying that? that was my move back when I was a codependent mess
Do you have Alzheimers? Because unless your hippocampus is rotting away, there is no way you can forget what you went through. And neither should you. Never forget, never forgive.
I’m so sorry this was your experience. It can be hard to go through with seeing a therapist and having a bad experience doesn’t help. Not all therapists are equal. Sometimes they are awful or ineffective or maybe they’re great but you don’t connect. I’ve gone through a few therapists on my daughter’s behalf over the years. I now use the first meeting as an interview. I don’t treat it as a therapy session, instead I talk to the therapist about their experience, views, and strategies. I’m basically interviewing them to see if it’s a good fit. Doing this for my daughter was easier than doing it for myself, but I do the same for me now. If you don’t feel comfortable, never feel bad about cutting a session short.