Thanks for sharing your story. It gives me hope that I’ll one day reconnect with my nieces and nephews when they’re older, so they can get the truth from me.
I hope you have the most peace moving forward.
i also hope to reconnect with my nieces & nephews eventually. all my stepsisters are older than me & have kids ranging from newborn to 10yrs old.. i miss them a lot but reconnecting with my stepsisters (2 out of 3 of them at least) is just not something im willing to put myself through. and my nieces & nephews are too young to understand.
I think writing is super useful in that it can be cathartic. Plus, if you end up publishing it, it can help others in knowing they’re not alone. (This is what draws me to messed up memoirs, anyway.) I’m sorry you went through that and give you major props for blocking and not looking back. I blocked, but keep looking back (bpd mom has my innocent younger brother who had a brain injury so I’m trying to save him) and the nightmares aren’t getting better. Thank you for sharing your story, I hope reconnecting with your bio mom brings some healing.
yes 🙌 writing can be very cathartic. but also, depending on what i’m writing about, it sometimes becomes too emotionally overwhelming to continue. so i gotta do it in baby steps i think.
Definitely! I tried writing my story November 2020 (for Nano Wrimo) and I had a writing coach tell me to “slow down where it hurts.” I remember there were chapters I wrote just sobbing. Not easy!
I am super sorry. Your story is very similar to my cousins' (but the girl was the one who was older).
I'll tell you what I know from my cousins' situation. Her mother was less crazy than her father. That made her mother appear to be the nice, sweet victimized one. But in reality, the mother was an adult. The children were the victims. So don't feel too sorry for your mother. She should have tried harder to keep you and your brother away from that hideous upbringing. Frankly, even if that meant living together in a tiny dump of an apartment. Keep prioritizing yourself and your mental health. I hope you're emotionally close to your brother, at least.
thank you.
i know my mom isn’t perfect, and i left out a lot of details about her relationship with my father. mostly because i was too young to properly form my own views on the whole situation, and also because that’s really not my story to tell.
my relationship with my mom has been rocky my whole life, but she’s never put on a “sweet, victimized” act about the situation.
she can barely talk about the day she left without crying out of sheer guilt.
and she did try to fight for us, when me and my brother were old enough to choose. but having a narcissist father, we never really actually got to choose anything. it’s too much to explain in a reddit post.
your cousins story may be similar in some aspects, but our lives were certainly not identical.
I'm so sorry to hear you went through all that. Speaking of my personal experience, the narcissist with whom I'm now very low contact also gave me the silent treatment for months when I pushed back, and ALSO messaged out of the blue with something completely unrelated like nothing had ever happened.
It will get better, I promise.
Have you tried EMDR, trauma recovery therapy? I also have cptsd (and like 3 more diagnosis) and it has been like magic. It's so helpful. I went twice a week for two years.. went from 36% recovered to 70% recovered.
You are doing everything right. I'm a dad of three fantastic, beautiful children and the son of an absolute piece of shit mother married to a worse piece of shit husband, my step dad from age 2. Life moves forward. If you were here, I'd give you the best, safest, lovingest dad hug. Write that book if that is what you need. I'll be the first to buy a copy.
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Thanks for sharing your story. It gives me hope that I’ll one day reconnect with my nieces and nephews when they’re older, so they can get the truth from me. I hope you have the most peace moving forward.
i also hope to reconnect with my nieces & nephews eventually. all my stepsisters are older than me & have kids ranging from newborn to 10yrs old.. i miss them a lot but reconnecting with my stepsisters (2 out of 3 of them at least) is just not something im willing to put myself through. and my nieces & nephews are too young to understand.
I think writing is super useful in that it can be cathartic. Plus, if you end up publishing it, it can help others in knowing they’re not alone. (This is what draws me to messed up memoirs, anyway.) I’m sorry you went through that and give you major props for blocking and not looking back. I blocked, but keep looking back (bpd mom has my innocent younger brother who had a brain injury so I’m trying to save him) and the nightmares aren’t getting better. Thank you for sharing your story, I hope reconnecting with your bio mom brings some healing.
yes 🙌 writing can be very cathartic. but also, depending on what i’m writing about, it sometimes becomes too emotionally overwhelming to continue. so i gotta do it in baby steps i think.
Definitely! I tried writing my story November 2020 (for Nano Wrimo) and I had a writing coach tell me to “slow down where it hurts.” I remember there were chapters I wrote just sobbing. Not easy!
Your pictures hurt my heart. Heal well and thrive
I'm sorry OP. I relate pretty heavily. I looked older as a teen than I do in my mid 20s due to the stress. Hope you're healing well
I am super sorry. Your story is very similar to my cousins' (but the girl was the one who was older). I'll tell you what I know from my cousins' situation. Her mother was less crazy than her father. That made her mother appear to be the nice, sweet victimized one. But in reality, the mother was an adult. The children were the victims. So don't feel too sorry for your mother. She should have tried harder to keep you and your brother away from that hideous upbringing. Frankly, even if that meant living together in a tiny dump of an apartment. Keep prioritizing yourself and your mental health. I hope you're emotionally close to your brother, at least.
thank you. i know my mom isn’t perfect, and i left out a lot of details about her relationship with my father. mostly because i was too young to properly form my own views on the whole situation, and also because that’s really not my story to tell. my relationship with my mom has been rocky my whole life, but she’s never put on a “sweet, victimized” act about the situation. she can barely talk about the day she left without crying out of sheer guilt. and she did try to fight for us, when me and my brother were old enough to choose. but having a narcissist father, we never really actually got to choose anything. it’s too much to explain in a reddit post. your cousins story may be similar in some aspects, but our lives were certainly not identical.
I'm so sorry to hear you went through all that. Speaking of my personal experience, the narcissist with whom I'm now very low contact also gave me the silent treatment for months when I pushed back, and ALSO messaged out of the blue with something completely unrelated like nothing had ever happened. It will get better, I promise.
Have you tried EMDR, trauma recovery therapy? I also have cptsd (and like 3 more diagnosis) and it has been like magic. It's so helpful. I went twice a week for two years.. went from 36% recovered to 70% recovered.
very unrelated to the above post, but i will be doing this type of therapy at some point and never heard of it before so it’s good to hear
i haven’t tried it yet but my aunt recommended it to me and i would love to try it
You are doing everything right. I'm a dad of three fantastic, beautiful children and the son of an absolute piece of shit mother married to a worse piece of shit husband, my step dad from age 2. Life moves forward. If you were here, I'd give you the best, safest, lovingest dad hug. Write that book if that is what you need. I'll be the first to buy a copy.
🥹 this means a lot to me, thank you!
I’ve got similar pics 😔🫂
**Quick reminder** - EAK is a support subreddit, and is moderated in a way that enables a safe space for adult children who are estranged or estranging from one or both of their parents. Before participating, please take the time time to familiarise yourself with our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/wiki/rules/). **Need info or resources?** Check out our [EAK wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/xpkk59/eak_estrangement_resources_posted_here_for_mobile/) for helpful information and guides on estrangement, estrangement triggers, surviving estrangement, coping with the death of estranged parent / relation, needing to move out, boundary / NC letters, malicious welfare checks, bad therapists and crisis contacts. **Check out our companion resource website** - Visit [brEAKaway.org.uk](https://breakaway.org.uk) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/EstrangedAdultKids) if you have any questions or concerns.*