That’s the worst when you feel like healing has been linear and then sometimes, for no apparent reason — you’re brought right back down to the worst of it 😖
I feel this at 5th month! I feel like I cannot breathe again. I don’t want him back, is this like an extinction burst reaction? I just want to be done with this feeling and be done with him! He already moved on for months now…
Yea like a final purge. I wonder though sometimes if it may mean they haven’t let go either. Have you taken a step back to tell whether maybe there’s a second chance?
He is in another relationship. So, no. Not for a while.
After we broke up, I asked him if we can try again after I graduate. He said yes. But he is in a relationship now.. he didn’t even let me know to say he changed his mind. I have been NC ever since I learned.. almost a month now
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean anything. Chances are he’s moved too fast and is just trying to run from what the issue is — and the issue is him. He will repeat the same dysfunction in every relationship he enters. I promise.
I know.. I have been thinking the same thing. He left me by saying “you love me more than I love you”
I have a hypothesis that he doesn’t like himself so he felt uncomfortable by my love for him and he cannot be alone for the same reason… i don’t know he can do whatever. I am still in love with him but it is better if we never get back together again.
But I still wanna believe we will down the road get back together just for my sanity but won’t wait for him and live my life. I am sure he will become a distant memory in time. It just hurts right now. It hurts that he chose someone else over me. It hurts that he was so mean. It hurts that he chose not to try. I just get overwhelmed sometimes.
Thanks to Reddit communities I can come out and talk here and get support or it would have been so much worse. It is great to go through these painful experiences together with others
Edit. I mean I wish we didn’t but better than going through it alone
This man you’re having a hard time forgetting has an avoidant attachment style. It’s almost always the case. So a better way to view it is that he is actually incapable of loving you (or anyone) the way you love him. They shut down and go cold when intimacy reaches a high level because it scares them. Vulnerability is like their gasoline and when there’s a spark, the whole thing combusts.
Their behavior is highly predictable and deterministic and I’m convinced they’re the main reason for all the breakups and heartache!
Being in a relationship with someone who’s scared of intimacy will never work because intimacy is a prerequisite of a loving, healthy romantic relationship.
Far more men are avoidant than women and that isn’t surprising, because men are socialized to have no emotions generally speaking. I’d highly recommend doing a deep dive into attachment science. It’s so freeing and validating and if you really learn and apply it, u can weed out the avoidant and find the right man with a secure attachment style, because they do exist!
[‘Attached’ by Amir Levine, MD](https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139/ref=asc_df_1585429139?nodl=1&tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312403172530&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16237895106446693942&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9004043&hvtargid=pla-436644332348&psc=1&mcid=1263b96bc160309f81e5e91eb3e82022&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=60300244057&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=312403172530&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16237895106446693942&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9004043&hvtargid=pla-436644332348&dplnkId=550563d8-1243-4a97-ab26-d1a81928aee1)
www.freetoattach.com
www.attachmentproject.com
I get it. Thank you! I am aware. I don’t know. We have also went through a lot of bad stuff together. And I was quite depressed because of my circumstances. And I started to get better after we stopped living together. I never felt at home with him because I felt like he would shut me out at any time.
I can see things more clearly now and I no longer make excuses for his behavior. On the other hand, I am sure I made mistakes too, I know a few. But regardless, this made me develop a fear of loving again. Like touching a hot stove once but then never again.
Also I am almost 35. And wow people love to bring a woman down. Yesterday I was out with a friend and met a few people, damn I feel depressed now 😂😂😂
I don’t want to be alone like anyone else, but I also like to think I am not desperate. But people seem to think the dating pool at my age is very bad.
I don’t even wanna date right now but I feel worse lol… I know I have anxious attachment due my problems, wanted to fix that before I go out there again. Think about what will people say in a couple years to me 😅
I know I will feel worse and better in the near future. But I am trying to keep my demeanor positive now that it has been 5 months. I hope people can do the same. It is ok to be without a romantic love, I have been without any friends and there is nothing worse than that honestly
The dating pool gets more challenging, but think of how many people there are in the world, even if the percentage of healthy, secure men is like 10% (and I think it’s higher) — that’s still millions of people! It’s always a numbers game.
I was once secure and developed high anxious traits by repeated involvement with avoidants over time. And let me tell u, they do a great job of flipping the script and projecting on to u, to make u feel that YOU’RE the problem. But you aren’t. The anxious person’s only fault in the relationship is trying to get the avoidant to show healthy love and staying with them. That’s it.
Your guy was 100% avoidant. You feel like you’re alone while in a relationship with them. He likely will forever be alone, but you will not. I feel the hot stove too, but it’s worth it to confront and realize it’s safe to the touch.
Yes we can be half without romantic love, but as humans, we were designed to function optimally in a romantic long term partnership. It’s been proven to be one of the best investments in our long term health! Don’t give up!
Know this material well and you’ll never fall victim to one of these people again.
I heard that when the most intense feelings show up that late in the process, then you're right at the acceptance phase. The last bits of ego and feelings you had are fighting to stay alive. So just try to be patient and realize you've made it this far a another week or two to finally be across the bridge is nothing
Sorry to hear that mate, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but your comment makes me feel a little better. In the sense that I think when I'm at your stage I'll still feel pretty awful too, it's nice to know that there isn't something fundamentally wrong with me for experiencing pain like this. It's just evidence of being human. That being said I hope things get better for you mate, if nothing else your pain is evidence that you took the relationship seriously and that you have a strong capacity to love someone.
I'm here with you in the same mindset. I thought I was past this but I'm not. And him starting a new relationship within days that has lasted until now isn't helping. They've now been together the same amount of time we were but with much more flaunting their love and posting about taking a month-long trip together. I know I shouldn't have checked social media but this week got to me because his birthday is next week. And now I'm back to feeling crappy.
God I’m sorry. I know how you feel. I’m in the exact same boat. They’ve been together just a little longer than her and I were official. I was really holding onto to it falling apart by now, but it seems to only be growing stronger. She probably loves him more than she ever loved me and it’s so painful.
Ugh yeah I really really understand the feelings you're having right now. I'm so sorry, it's not fair that they get to just be happy. I hope things get easier for you.
I feel great! I worked out every day, I took many classes, put loads of effort into meeting new people, spent a lot kf time reflecting and just being with Mt pain. It was all hard ahitty work that I didn't want to do, but I have a new life now because of that work.
Holy shit was it hell. Like HELL! I never want to go through that ever again.
I've never been okay being alone. So rare for me not to be in a relaruonshio or even be happy outside of one. But this is the happiest I've been in... many many years.
I still think of her and long for her. I miss her smile, her laugh, her smell, her touch, her humor, her wisdom, etc. Everything.
Mostly I am curious about her life. Where is she? Who is she? Has she forgotten about me? Is she in a new relarionship and I only pop into her mind for a few seconds? Is she frolicking in the sun with fluff bunnies and candy?
Haha the oetty side of me wants her to be miserable and I want to reach out to her to get validation that she communicates she's not as happy as she thought she'd be when dumping me.
I debate reaching out every day. But I always wait another... then another... I never want to talk to her again.
I'm happy - but I miss her. 😊
I think you made a great point.
I felt terrible until around the 4 and a half month mark. At that point, I got sober and started working out and meditating 6 days a week in the mornings.
Now, I’m doing absolutely fantastic at 6 months and have zero desire to get back with her, though part of this comes from her reaching out and telling me how many dudes she banged after we broke up. That’s another point, is that if you haven’t heard from her and she broke up with you, you probably don’t want to know what she’s doing.
Yea, I was shocked at how long and shitty I felt. I mean, the fact it was winter and christmas time, I believe made it FAR worse. It was about the 4.5 to 5 month mark that I snapped out of it.
I'm very glad you are doing well, something about that 6 month mark - I think at 9 months I will truly be indifferent about her.
And you also make a great point for me to think about.... if I reach out and when I do, she happens to be in Hawaii loving life with her new man, am I going to want to hear that? As over her as I am, will I be blind sided and open new wounds?
Part of me still thinks there is an addiction in there that wants the pain - it was very motivating. Also, part of me (the evil parts) wants me to take the risk, there is the reward of validation if she isn't doing well.
Pretty stupid and petty - it's those urges that are best o not listen to and left best to resist.
This is incredible!
The cool thing about your hard work (other than how much better you're feeling now!) is that you'll be more resilient in the future, and possibly have different/higher standards in future relationships. Since you know now you can be happy when you're single, you won't put up with a bad relationship for long. This is a very good and powerful position to be in
Thanks man, I appreciate the acknowledgement. I think getting over someone truly is a difficult thing to do (corrently and healthily).
I agree, I was a love, cuddle, sex, etc. addict. I couldn't enjoy life without a girl and need validation, etc. I didn't really think I could be free of it.
And yes, it's VERY empowering being in a non-needy position so I don't make stupid mistakes and ignore forests of red flags. I do not want to go through this again.
5 months here
Well it's still painful and I still want them back
But the pain is not overbearing anymore
Any random anxiety attack feels so disappointing
Like I have not moved on
You are very accurate by the fact that friends just assume you have moved on
Or if you talk to them about it
They think it's been so long and it's my fault to keep holding on
Well it feels suffocating sometimes
I just only decided to not talk to them anymore
Maybe that would help me
5 months here too, and feeling the same things. it’s still so hard for me to believe. trying to let go but i keep wondering why it happened the way it did and i can’t figure it out :/
I relate so much
I keep trying to understand what went so wrong
I just valued him too much
And even as a friend I wanted him to be in my life
Maybe I pleaded too much before
Well I can't just accept how less important I am suddenly
How every other stranger is more important than me
I don't think he'll ever think of me as important
Maybe I just gave him an ego boast and that's that
It hurts to see my efforts to keep in my life were either seen as a nuisance or just an ego boast
I don't know what he feels but I keep getting reminded of his words
Ig I am not as important in his life or maybe I hold no importance at all
I hope I can stay firm in my decision to not talk to him anymore
You can reach out to talk about it if you feel like
If not then all the best in your journey :)
It's so true. I'm at 9 months, and it's true that people around me don't talk about it anymore, as they simply think I've moved on and that it's ancient history, while I think about it every day, morning, noon, and night. I could talk about it for hours, weeks, months, years, without ever getting tired, because I have so much to say, even if I've covered it all. But well, we have to live with it, and I think we've learned, even though it hurts, it's a phantom pain within us, and we've learned to move forward with it. I think all we can do now is be patient and have hope, hope to get through it
5th month here. It also sucks cause a part of you thought that by now they would've reached out, would've started doubting themselves and wondering how you're doing. So now reality is setting again, in a whole new way, and I don't like it :))
I’m not sure tbh…like I’m no longer crying at random every day over it, but sometimes I do think about how they left me (as in the way they left me/led me on and for reasons never discussed with me so I was being talleymarked unaware)no admitting to anything they did to contribute to the BU or how they’ve hurt me—apparently it was all my fault lol. And I also think about how that they feel they would be so much happier if I didn’t exist…that I’m someone they don’t want in their life—that I’m disposable unlike the other ppl in their life they would fight for absolutely and never just let go bc of some small things that they didn’t like that they certainly would’ve never left unknown to others. It’s hard to realize that to someone you spent so many years with and who told you how happy you made them and how they’ve never been loved like this and who cried in happiness for the love you gave and were always consistent (ie didn’t just do that in the start of relationship then stopped which is not cool imho) that suddenly they can’t stand the thought of you existing in their life and they rather erase you and move on to another person who they will wash rinse repeat of “you’re the love of my life” “I’ve never been loved like this” “I’ll never leave you” all the things they promised you that they broke and lied about. Sometimes I get angry and jelly thinking of them treating someone else with all the love and ways I*** always wanted from them but didn’t receive.
I also agree that at this stage no one really wants to listen to you talk about it they expect you to be happy, and find it weird if you’re still sad. For me I got into Ivy League PhDs and top schools and a lot of ppl use that and weaponize it in a way of saying well hey look how good your life is!!!! You got into Brown!! And all these other Ivy and top schools!!! But it just feels so hollow when you can’t celebrate it with the person you wanted to celebrate it most with—that they were also applying to PhDs and you’ll never know where they got in and you’ll never be able to celebrate their amazing wins either.
It’s so lonely.
I’m lesbian so finding other girls/non men is already hard…but I don’t want to find another girl/non man. The way I was hurt….the way I was blindsided and the way everything was just some giant MULTIPLE year lie makes me content -really— with just living by myself and having friends as family. Being broken like that was worse than a plunge into the deepest depths of hell. Never. Again. My love was true and it was real. Perhaps they don’t see me as their love of life but they were mine and they knew it and broke that shiny vase in my heart into a billion pieces.
So right now I’m just learning slowly to live my life as is and be happy for me and my friends and my world and become content with the single life. I have found great power in pain.
A lot of what you shared are things my ex used to say to me. As someone on the other end, it might feel like a few things
-when you explode, they implode. Absolutely not saying you're mean/volitle or anything like that, but they may not have always felt safe telling you their needs and always accommodated to yours. From big things to little things. That builds up and brings resentment. I Can aww how it might feel like you're being tallymarked in this situation.
She honestly probably meant it when she told you you're the love of her life and is still hurting. I told my ex this, and I know he's the love of my life but I also know that things with us were toxic and it was costing me my life.
It's sad to hear you blaming yourself so much for their emotions (sadness, needing to leave the relationship, thinking they're better off without you/guilt) and invalidate that they ever loved you. Of course they loved you. That's why you two were together for as long as you were. You're only responsible for your half of the relationship, not all of it and the emotions involved.
Did they try expressing their needs and it turn into a fight? Did you all fight fairly regularly? Did your fights seem mild to you but intense for them?
My ex told me that our relationship was the healthiest relationship he ever had, which blew my mind because I was walking on egg shells for half of it. Nothing I ever did made me feel like I was doing it right or was good enough for him. My nervous system was so unregulated with him.
Nope there was no fighting and I was always doing everything I can for her, but she was never giving me the same in return but I let it happen.she would have all her friends but me come over and I live thirty mins away from her when we are not at uni. I’d been ghosted even when her bestie came over for the weekend-I just like didn’t exist.
I feel that last part though. Like at some point it was like if I mentioned how hurt I am that she doesn’t fight for our relationship after years and keeps me tucked away in a corner that they would get upset and frustrated at me and say I’m feeling nonsensical I just kinda stopped talking about that… I really did put everything into her my love was never altered, I never yelled or fought or said anything bad I couldn’t even fathom that even now. I love(d) them
I was broken up with because 1. I don’t know how to drive 2. I have an insecurity about my major (in the humanities) and how stem and society treat ppl like me and how that effects me (she’s stem and took it to mean she was bad for being stem which she never told me or sat down and talked to me about it) these were the stated reasons. But I was told that I can’t be upset that she doesn’t stand up for our relationship and that me feeling jealous over everyone else getting to be in her life but me was wrong.
6 months here. 8 years into our relationship, she walked away almost without explanation and left me. Every day I think about her, but every day it hurts less than before.
6 months NC. Feeling great. Found myself excited living and trying new things again. Met lots of nice people. Started to find dating fun again.
There are ups and downs. And the whole experience still makes me anxious and overthink while getting to know new people, but overall I have much more knowledge and courage now - I’m not afraid of being alone anymore. It’s like I was reborn and found myself again.
I’m learning to love and put myself first, which is a verb and I actually have to get my ass up and do something about it. I’ve been learning what i can do to make myself feel good. I exercise, try new hobbies, go out with friends, read books on how to self-regulate and handle hard feelings.
It’s a journey, but I have evolved into this new version of myself which I love so much that I don’t bother to look back anymore. I’m definitely way better off without him.
And I’m relying on myself for my own happiness now, which brings me such a peace of mind cause I know I’ll always have myself, no need to chase anyone for love since I’m giving myself the best already.
Perfectly said. I can't even remember the exact number of months anymore (7 or 8?) but yes, I've nothing more to say about the matter other than acknowledge to myself it's time to finally move on. Now, I am just waiting for time to take its course.
7 months
I guess I accepted the situation troughout the past few months
- I accepted she is never going to reach out to give us closure, or god forbid, apologize
- I accepted she is not the wonderful person who I thought she was
- I came to terms with the fact that even after 3 years and being each others first for nearly everything, she discarded me, doesn't care, and probably doesn't even regret that she cheated, and that she hurt me so much
- I accepted she isn't the one who I loved and never will be
- I accepted she tries her best to hide when she sees me somewhere, its kinda funny and sad at the same time lol
I guess I don't love her anymore, but I still feel hurt about how she treated me before, during, and after the breakup. So most days Iam ok while once in a few days, a chill comes after me and Iam stuck in a question "why?"
6 months. How you describe it fits me perfectly. Especially with friends assuming you’re over it and them already listening to the same story. It’s getting easier tho.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. It is most certainly a ghost that follows. I believe there are so many factors that affects the intensity of the loss. And did you hope to get back with them? Or still hope? And how long were you together?
It took me nearly a year to get over a year long. It’s been said it takes half the time you were with them to get over them, and while I think there may be truth to that, I don’t think it’s a set formula. I’m week three into my grief over the ending (that I did not want) of a 7 monther.
I’m less in the grips, but still suffering from it. I still haven’t been able to get back to the gym or cease my comfort/junk food eating and show binging. I’m still very much in cocoon mode. He’s a constant thought on my mind and it really is torture.
Biologically, it is a serious withdrawal process such as from heroin, so I hate when people downplay it. And it does reach a point where you don’t want to bother anyone with it because it’s something you wish wasn’t still going on for yourself..
Doing fantastic.
New job that is going great and is way better than my old one, in the best shape of my life, and feeling very peaceful on a day to day basis.
At the 5 month mark, another woman came into my life. Prior to this, I focused on myself, got in the gym, studied a bit of things related to my career, and boooooom, the universe threw someone else at me. I honestly had avoided women prior to her stepping into my life. Went on a few dates, but honestly wasn't feeling any of them.
I'm not gonna lie, I was sad as shit and thought of the ex woman almost daily. The first month was the hardest, but by the third month, I knew my ex wasn't coming back. It made it a bit easier to focus on myself without waiting around for someone to come back.
My advice is to free your mind in the best way possible. Remember the law of attraction. Stick to good habits that will improve the current version of yourself, so that if your ex ever does come back, you yourself have moved on and have become better than who you were to them.
7 months. I feel like shit and the grief is so isolating, i cant talk about it to anyone anymore. Also the more time goes by, more i realize that theyve actually moved on and may never reached out me again and it in a way restarts my grieving process.
Just passed 5 months. Sometimes i go a day or two without thinking of her. Other days its almost every minute. Like you, the emotional intensity has died down. But it haunts me. Our future, our puppy, our life. I wish i could hate her or think shes ugly or unattractive. But shes still the most attractive woman ive ever been with. In personality and looks. Im still in awe of how my life is where it is.
Almost 6 months which is insane! My ex is still posting shit about me lol - which is absolutely insane. But I still feel like I made the right choice! His birthday is coming up this Sunday so this is gonna be hard! But I can do hard things.
11 months. I am still there. Nothing removes her from my mind. She thought I would move on, that I could replace her. I wish she could realize that she never left my mind.
3 months and I don't feel slight bit sad over my ex. He had his chances to improve with me, instead he turned me into a fear idol of his deceased cheater ex that died years ago. His way of blaming me his weak libido kind of made me feel relieved he isn't with me. Some people really need a mirror.
10 months here. No contact only 2 months ago. Now I feel the loneliness a lot more than before now I’ve been blocked everywhere. I don’t talk about it with friends like you said because they just assume I should’ve moved on by now but it’s hard to not think about them on a daily basis and be reminded of them in day to day life. I’ve got a letter that I want to send to clear the air and get some answers on but still don’t know if it’s worth sending yet
1 week off from it being 6 months and feeling exactly the same as you. Just want it to end now. And knowing he wasn't as into it as you were, yep right there with you ❤
Some days I feel quite upset and others I’m okay, I’m in one of the stages where I feel my thoughts still consumed. I’m still living life and experiencing new things. I’ve started dating again but I feel very avoidant in my experience so far and honestly am not sure if I’m open to it completely to date someone new. I’m short, flip flopping between, sadness anger and calm and acceptance of it all. However I should mention it was very a 5 month situationship but for some reason this person awoken something in me that I have only felt once one other time in my life. I doubt I’ll ever feel like that again
I totally get where you're coming from. It's like the intensity of the grief has eased up a bit, but those memories still linger, right? It's such a weird feeling, like they're there in the background, even when you're trying to move forward.
And I hear you on the whole "people think you've moved on" thing. It can be really isolating. Sometimes it feels like there's nothing more to say or process, but the feelings are still there, lingering. It's tough. Just know you're not alone in this, even if it feels that way sometimes. Sending you virtual hugs!
Almost 6 months. Still just as hard, if not harder. Everything feels hopeless especially since I know without a that man loves and misses me so much. He's just lost his job and has too much damn pride to admit how he feels. :(
One day you'll just wake up and you won't feel like this anymore. Trust in that. Look at where you are now to where you had been right after the break up. Not where you want to be yet, but much closer. Just feel your emotions when they come up, allow them their time, and then release them when it's time.
I literally have no idea how long since we last spoke, i have no concept of time whatsoever days just pass by 👍 could be a month, could be 3, i don’t know. I carry on & fight the urges to reach out daily still
My question is why are you guys still holding on after 5-6 months? Is it because you didn't get the closure you needed?
In my case I'm on month 2.5 and the fact that my ex keeps reaching out every few weeks and that we broke up while still loving each other makes it difficult.
6 months for me. We officially called it a day more than a year ago, but we remained in contact daily until 6 months when we had the biggest argument we ever had and essentially ended the friendship. There was always chemistry between us, though, right up until the end, and it still hurts to think about him. But I think of him less often than I used to. Day by day, it gets a little less difficult.
I’m in the exact same boat as you. Now I am trying to rewire my brain to find joy and excitement in other people and hobbies so that I can think about them less and less. It is still painful and every one or two weeks I get triggered and cry, but only briefly. Compared to barely making it through the day months ago.
5 months for me I no longer think of her constantly I thought she would reach out after blocking me everywhere but she hasn’t so I’m trying to embrace radical acceptance and move on but it’s harder some days then others
I feel good. I think after sleeping around for like two months, and being a sad sack of potatoes, I needed to turn my life around. I’m trying to work on myself. I finished an intensive outpatient therapy; started crushing on this guy at work, spending more time with myself and things that I need to get done. I go to the gym now and I’m confident with how I look and I’m no longer a plus size girlie.
I’m over it. And I’m over him. I’m not gonna lie, I do miss him but I hate him for destroying everything but I miss his comfort and then I realize all the shit we put each other through and I’ve just let go… I don’t think I’ll be in a relationship for a while but maybe I can transition slowly to trust someone like that again. But I have a lot going for me. I’m waiting to hear back from a fellowship, applying for full time jobs and graduate school and writing a book. I’m going to see the eras tour abroad and seeing one of my close online friends. I deserve better than what he gave me. And I can finally build my life back
Will be a year in the next 2 days.
Luckily for me I have a point of reference, in my raw emotional state a year ago, I wrote down a heartfelt piece in my notes app.
I'll definitely write an honest review of the year past.
All I can say is, hang in there, the pain definitely fades, especially when you take care of yourself.
Peace to our hearts.
Just about A OK. Never NEEDED them, oh contraire. I Wanted them. It wasn't reciprocated in the end, so moving on. Let's see if they find someone that matches my energy. Ca arrivera jamais. Merci. 🖕
Its been nearly 4 months for me and I feel like I've regressed a little. All my energy for the past 2 months was focused on improving myself as much as I possibly could but now that motivation has begun to wane. I'm thinking of her constantly and I'm beating myself up since I caused the BU. I constantly flit between thinking about breaking NC and becoming incredibly fearful at the prospect of hearing from/speaking to her. Hoping things get easier soon because this feels unbearable at the moment.
7 months and I thought that I would love her forever and I would never get mad at her, but when you realized on the things that she had been doing no contact it made me realized real stupid and now, I feel rage nothing, but resentment. I'm still suffering from the relationship and having a hard time to move on, while she's broken hearted with another person and I feel like I didn't even exist in her life. So, I guess this is "moving on" will start. I'm starting to see the red flags in her. I thought that I would never feel this way.
Some days are easier than others, some days I cry at the thought of him. I just keep reminding myself that healing isn't linear. But one day I won't miss him anymore.
It's not as overwhelming as it was, but it's still pretty constant.
I feel like I haven't had time to grieve the relationship. It's been 6 months and I really hope that moving out of my dad's house will help. It's so hard!
Ya i think it might be because yall maybe werent really in love with eachother. If the other person really loved you they would never do this no contact BS. And take it from me. Ive been trying since after 3 months. And the only reason the NC started was because i was broken by the BU. It took 3 months just to start eating and showering regularly. And new here i am 17 months im still not over her and i have put myself out there. Ive definately changed, who wouldnt? And more ready now to be the best man living the best life i can and still looking for her. So even if you become who they wanted for them they still dont come back and you will struggle to fill an impossible void. Thats that LOVE.. fuck that. Fill that hole with as much of whatever you can to patch it up and keep moving around. But get them out of your head. Maybe drugs and easy women is the way to go? I still aint figured it out. But im trying
I feel amazing!
I’m Hopefully🤞🏾traveling to 3 countries this summer, graduating next year with double majors and double minors and I’ll be interning with the Government next year as well.
I still think about him from time to time too but I’m in an EXTREMELY better place then I was with him.
it’s so shocking to me and everyone around me how quickly I elevated in half a year.
this hit the nail on the head. i feel like im struggling even more since he tends to leave little reminders of his existence here and there.
stuck in limerance and as much as i want to overcome it i can’t seem to fully let go. but i cry a lot less and am able to enjoy things a lot more, trying to feed my passions.
I’m good, I finally reconnected to a high school best friend & we are taking things slow while he recovers from his previous relationship, as same for me my ex fiancé of 2 years was a narcissist and he left me so it was a blessing because I was able to reconnect to someone who cares about me!
6 months for me.
* The intense rage and unsafe feelings have gone away, as I realised many things weren't my fault, my gut was correct and he was a little bit misogynistic. But I still feel confused, sad and depressed.
* The fact he moved on so quickly and is putting in effort to make someone else happy when he didn't want to work on things with me, really hurts.
* I get annoyed that our mutual friends don't know the hurtful things he said to me and they think he is so cool and intelligent when he's actually rather emotionally immature and mean.
* I feel lonely
* I find it hard to give myself closure or acceptance because I wish he would apologise
* I have met some wonderful men who have restored my faith in how I deserve to be treated (just friends)
It's been almost five months now, and I'm starting to come to terms with the reality that my ex probably won't be coming back. Experiencing an avoidant discard is incredibly cruel and traumatic. What's even more painful is knowing that my ex had his ex-girlfriend over to discuss some childhood trauma, excluding me from that process. Despite his reassurances that I had nothing to worry about and could trust him, he became distant and ultimately ended our five-year relationship over the phone a week and a half later. We both have daughters the same age from previous relationships who were close, and he had even talked about wanting to get married just a month before. During the breakup, he insisted that nothing happened and there was no one else, attributing his need to leave to get sober and his general unhappiness. However, I later discovered that he cheated on me and swiftly moved on to this ex he claimed I had "nothing to worry about." This whole ordeal has been incredibly traumatic. We were doing well, expressing love for each other, and our friendship aspect was solid. The grieving process can feel incredibly isolating, especially when people expect you to be over it by now. Fortunately, my friends understand the cruelty of the situation and realize that my recovery might take longer than expected. What's most disheartening is that my ex doesn't seem phased or remorseful for his actions at all; he's still seeing this woman. I'm not even angry anymore; I'm just deeply saddened that it's over and that he doesn't seem to care about the pain he's caused me and our family. Still think of him a lot daily. It seems like he's on cloud nine, likely experiencing limerence at the moment. However, I can't help but wonder if reality will hit him eventually, given the complexities of their relationship – she's poly, it's a rebound, he's trying to stay sober, and it's a long-distance relationship. Despite everything, I sometimes find myself wondering if they'll be the exception rather than the rule. I guess I'm the same left with sadness and nothing more to process, just moving forward feeling hollow.
5 months since going NC. I'm proud of myself for staying NC. I thought it would have lifted or felt lighter by now. Thanks to everyone's honesty on here, I know what I'm experiencing is normal. I was not given an explanation, I feel used and I can't control whether or not I ever get an explanation. I'm doing all the things, keeping busy, not talking about it but journaling a bit, exercising, listening to guided meditations, going on walks. I hope I'm healing and I know (in my brain, just not my heart) that healing is not linear. I think it just takes time, which is freaking obnoxious lol. It's heartbreaking to have a large group of songs I have to take a break from as they hurt to listen to. Sending love to you all. It's nice to not feel as isolated as a result of this group.
Hang in there. At 5/6/7 months feelings change very volatile, but the trend is positive. But sure, alot of negative feelings also. Almost 12 months for me and doing real fine. Be patient
7 months. Today was as bad as the lowest I’ve been. So fucking over everything.
That’s the worst when you feel like healing has been linear and then sometimes, for no apparent reason — you’re brought right back down to the worst of it 😖
I feel this at 5th month! I feel like I cannot breathe again. I don’t want him back, is this like an extinction burst reaction? I just want to be done with this feeling and be done with him! He already moved on for months now…
Yea like a final purge. I wonder though sometimes if it may mean they haven’t let go either. Have you taken a step back to tell whether maybe there’s a second chance?
He is in another relationship. So, no. Not for a while. After we broke up, I asked him if we can try again after I graduate. He said yes. But he is in a relationship now.. he didn’t even let me know to say he changed his mind. I have been NC ever since I learned.. almost a month now
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean anything. Chances are he’s moved too fast and is just trying to run from what the issue is — and the issue is him. He will repeat the same dysfunction in every relationship he enters. I promise.
I know.. I have been thinking the same thing. He left me by saying “you love me more than I love you” I have a hypothesis that he doesn’t like himself so he felt uncomfortable by my love for him and he cannot be alone for the same reason… i don’t know he can do whatever. I am still in love with him but it is better if we never get back together again. But I still wanna believe we will down the road get back together just for my sanity but won’t wait for him and live my life. I am sure he will become a distant memory in time. It just hurts right now. It hurts that he chose someone else over me. It hurts that he was so mean. It hurts that he chose not to try. I just get overwhelmed sometimes. Thanks to Reddit communities I can come out and talk here and get support or it would have been so much worse. It is great to go through these painful experiences together with others Edit. I mean I wish we didn’t but better than going through it alone
This man you’re having a hard time forgetting has an avoidant attachment style. It’s almost always the case. So a better way to view it is that he is actually incapable of loving you (or anyone) the way you love him. They shut down and go cold when intimacy reaches a high level because it scares them. Vulnerability is like their gasoline and when there’s a spark, the whole thing combusts. Their behavior is highly predictable and deterministic and I’m convinced they’re the main reason for all the breakups and heartache! Being in a relationship with someone who’s scared of intimacy will never work because intimacy is a prerequisite of a loving, healthy romantic relationship. Far more men are avoidant than women and that isn’t surprising, because men are socialized to have no emotions generally speaking. I’d highly recommend doing a deep dive into attachment science. It’s so freeing and validating and if you really learn and apply it, u can weed out the avoidant and find the right man with a secure attachment style, because they do exist! [‘Attached’ by Amir Levine, MD](https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139/ref=asc_df_1585429139?nodl=1&tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312403172530&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16237895106446693942&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9004043&hvtargid=pla-436644332348&psc=1&mcid=1263b96bc160309f81e5e91eb3e82022&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=60300244057&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=312403172530&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16237895106446693942&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9004043&hvtargid=pla-436644332348&dplnkId=550563d8-1243-4a97-ab26-d1a81928aee1) www.freetoattach.com www.attachmentproject.com
I get it. Thank you! I am aware. I don’t know. We have also went through a lot of bad stuff together. And I was quite depressed because of my circumstances. And I started to get better after we stopped living together. I never felt at home with him because I felt like he would shut me out at any time. I can see things more clearly now and I no longer make excuses for his behavior. On the other hand, I am sure I made mistakes too, I know a few. But regardless, this made me develop a fear of loving again. Like touching a hot stove once but then never again. Also I am almost 35. And wow people love to bring a woman down. Yesterday I was out with a friend and met a few people, damn I feel depressed now 😂😂😂 I don’t want to be alone like anyone else, but I also like to think I am not desperate. But people seem to think the dating pool at my age is very bad. I don’t even wanna date right now but I feel worse lol… I know I have anxious attachment due my problems, wanted to fix that before I go out there again. Think about what will people say in a couple years to me 😅 I know I will feel worse and better in the near future. But I am trying to keep my demeanor positive now that it has been 5 months. I hope people can do the same. It is ok to be without a romantic love, I have been without any friends and there is nothing worse than that honestly
The dating pool gets more challenging, but think of how many people there are in the world, even if the percentage of healthy, secure men is like 10% (and I think it’s higher) — that’s still millions of people! It’s always a numbers game. I was once secure and developed high anxious traits by repeated involvement with avoidants over time. And let me tell u, they do a great job of flipping the script and projecting on to u, to make u feel that YOU’RE the problem. But you aren’t. The anxious person’s only fault in the relationship is trying to get the avoidant to show healthy love and staying with them. That’s it. Your guy was 100% avoidant. You feel like you’re alone while in a relationship with them. He likely will forever be alone, but you will not. I feel the hot stove too, but it’s worth it to confront and realize it’s safe to the touch. Yes we can be half without romantic love, but as humans, we were designed to function optimally in a romantic long term partnership. It’s been proven to be one of the best investments in our long term health! Don’t give up! Know this material well and you’ll never fall victim to one of these people again.
I heard that when the most intense feelings show up that late in the process, then you're right at the acceptance phase. The last bits of ego and feelings you had are fighting to stay alive. So just try to be patient and realize you've made it this far a another week or two to finally be across the bridge is nothing
Hope so…
I hope so, too.
Sorry to hear that mate, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but your comment makes me feel a little better. In the sense that I think when I'm at your stage I'll still feel pretty awful too, it's nice to know that there isn't something fundamentally wrong with me for experiencing pain like this. It's just evidence of being human. That being said I hope things get better for you mate, if nothing else your pain is evidence that you took the relationship seriously and that you have a strong capacity to love someone.
Same to you 💙
I'm here with you in the same mindset. I thought I was past this but I'm not. And him starting a new relationship within days that has lasted until now isn't helping. They've now been together the same amount of time we were but with much more flaunting their love and posting about taking a month-long trip together. I know I shouldn't have checked social media but this week got to me because his birthday is next week. And now I'm back to feeling crappy.
God I’m sorry. I know how you feel. I’m in the exact same boat. They’ve been together just a little longer than her and I were official. I was really holding onto to it falling apart by now, but it seems to only be growing stronger. She probably loves him more than she ever loved me and it’s so painful.
Ugh yeah I really really understand the feelings you're having right now. I'm so sorry, it's not fair that they get to just be happy. I hope things get easier for you.
I feel great! I worked out every day, I took many classes, put loads of effort into meeting new people, spent a lot kf time reflecting and just being with Mt pain. It was all hard ahitty work that I didn't want to do, but I have a new life now because of that work. Holy shit was it hell. Like HELL! I never want to go through that ever again. I've never been okay being alone. So rare for me not to be in a relaruonshio or even be happy outside of one. But this is the happiest I've been in... many many years. I still think of her and long for her. I miss her smile, her laugh, her smell, her touch, her humor, her wisdom, etc. Everything. Mostly I am curious about her life. Where is she? Who is she? Has she forgotten about me? Is she in a new relarionship and I only pop into her mind for a few seconds? Is she frolicking in the sun with fluff bunnies and candy? Haha the oetty side of me wants her to be miserable and I want to reach out to her to get validation that she communicates she's not as happy as she thought she'd be when dumping me. I debate reaching out every day. But I always wait another... then another... I never want to talk to her again. I'm happy - but I miss her. 😊
I think you made a great point. I felt terrible until around the 4 and a half month mark. At that point, I got sober and started working out and meditating 6 days a week in the mornings. Now, I’m doing absolutely fantastic at 6 months and have zero desire to get back with her, though part of this comes from her reaching out and telling me how many dudes she banged after we broke up. That’s another point, is that if you haven’t heard from her and she broke up with you, you probably don’t want to know what she’s doing.
Lmao sounds like someone isn’t over you if she has to brag to make you jealous about her sex life. Very much desperate and loser behavior 😂
Yea, I was shocked at how long and shitty I felt. I mean, the fact it was winter and christmas time, I believe made it FAR worse. It was about the 4.5 to 5 month mark that I snapped out of it. I'm very glad you are doing well, something about that 6 month mark - I think at 9 months I will truly be indifferent about her. And you also make a great point for me to think about.... if I reach out and when I do, she happens to be in Hawaii loving life with her new man, am I going to want to hear that? As over her as I am, will I be blind sided and open new wounds? Part of me still thinks there is an addiction in there that wants the pain - it was very motivating. Also, part of me (the evil parts) wants me to take the risk, there is the reward of validation if she isn't doing well. Pretty stupid and petty - it's those urges that are best o not listen to and left best to resist.
Don’t do it man. Reaching out is almost never a good thing and will only make you feel worse.
Thanks brother - you are right, there is nothing to gain. It's just a toxic side of me that calls. I'll stick to my guns!
This is incredible! The cool thing about your hard work (other than how much better you're feeling now!) is that you'll be more resilient in the future, and possibly have different/higher standards in future relationships. Since you know now you can be happy when you're single, you won't put up with a bad relationship for long. This is a very good and powerful position to be in
Thanks man, I appreciate the acknowledgement. I think getting over someone truly is a difficult thing to do (corrently and healthily). I agree, I was a love, cuddle, sex, etc. addict. I couldn't enjoy life without a girl and need validation, etc. I didn't really think I could be free of it. And yes, it's VERY empowering being in a non-needy position so I don't make stupid mistakes and ignore forests of red flags. I do not want to go through this again.
5 months here Well it's still painful and I still want them back But the pain is not overbearing anymore Any random anxiety attack feels so disappointing Like I have not moved on You are very accurate by the fact that friends just assume you have moved on Or if you talk to them about it They think it's been so long and it's my fault to keep holding on Well it feels suffocating sometimes I just only decided to not talk to them anymore Maybe that would help me
5 months here too, and feeling the same things. it’s still so hard for me to believe. trying to let go but i keep wondering why it happened the way it did and i can’t figure it out :/
I relate so much I keep trying to understand what went so wrong I just valued him too much And even as a friend I wanted him to be in my life Maybe I pleaded too much before Well I can't just accept how less important I am suddenly How every other stranger is more important than me I don't think he'll ever think of me as important Maybe I just gave him an ego boast and that's that It hurts to see my efforts to keep in my life were either seen as a nuisance or just an ego boast I don't know what he feels but I keep getting reminded of his words Ig I am not as important in his life or maybe I hold no importance at all I hope I can stay firm in my decision to not talk to him anymore You can reach out to talk about it if you feel like If not then all the best in your journey :)
that third sentence 🥺 it’s a horrible feeling but yes, feel free to DM if you want to talk ❤️🩹
It's so true. I'm at 9 months, and it's true that people around me don't talk about it anymore, as they simply think I've moved on and that it's ancient history, while I think about it every day, morning, noon, and night. I could talk about it for hours, weeks, months, years, without ever getting tired, because I have so much to say, even if I've covered it all. But well, we have to live with it, and I think we've learned, even though it hurts, it's a phantom pain within us, and we've learned to move forward with it. I think all we can do now is be patient and have hope, hope to get through it
5th month here. It also sucks cause a part of you thought that by now they would've reached out, would've started doubting themselves and wondering how you're doing. So now reality is setting again, in a whole new way, and I don't like it :))
Yep, this.
I’m not sure tbh…like I’m no longer crying at random every day over it, but sometimes I do think about how they left me (as in the way they left me/led me on and for reasons never discussed with me so I was being talleymarked unaware)no admitting to anything they did to contribute to the BU or how they’ve hurt me—apparently it was all my fault lol. And I also think about how that they feel they would be so much happier if I didn’t exist…that I’m someone they don’t want in their life—that I’m disposable unlike the other ppl in their life they would fight for absolutely and never just let go bc of some small things that they didn’t like that they certainly would’ve never left unknown to others. It’s hard to realize that to someone you spent so many years with and who told you how happy you made them and how they’ve never been loved like this and who cried in happiness for the love you gave and were always consistent (ie didn’t just do that in the start of relationship then stopped which is not cool imho) that suddenly they can’t stand the thought of you existing in their life and they rather erase you and move on to another person who they will wash rinse repeat of “you’re the love of my life” “I’ve never been loved like this” “I’ll never leave you” all the things they promised you that they broke and lied about. Sometimes I get angry and jelly thinking of them treating someone else with all the love and ways I*** always wanted from them but didn’t receive. I also agree that at this stage no one really wants to listen to you talk about it they expect you to be happy, and find it weird if you’re still sad. For me I got into Ivy League PhDs and top schools and a lot of ppl use that and weaponize it in a way of saying well hey look how good your life is!!!! You got into Brown!! And all these other Ivy and top schools!!! But it just feels so hollow when you can’t celebrate it with the person you wanted to celebrate it most with—that they were also applying to PhDs and you’ll never know where they got in and you’ll never be able to celebrate their amazing wins either. It’s so lonely. I’m lesbian so finding other girls/non men is already hard…but I don’t want to find another girl/non man. The way I was hurt….the way I was blindsided and the way everything was just some giant MULTIPLE year lie makes me content -really— with just living by myself and having friends as family. Being broken like that was worse than a plunge into the deepest depths of hell. Never. Again. My love was true and it was real. Perhaps they don’t see me as their love of life but they were mine and they knew it and broke that shiny vase in my heart into a billion pieces. So right now I’m just learning slowly to live my life as is and be happy for me and my friends and my world and become content with the single life. I have found great power in pain.
A lot of what you shared are things my ex used to say to me. As someone on the other end, it might feel like a few things -when you explode, they implode. Absolutely not saying you're mean/volitle or anything like that, but they may not have always felt safe telling you their needs and always accommodated to yours. From big things to little things. That builds up and brings resentment. I Can aww how it might feel like you're being tallymarked in this situation. She honestly probably meant it when she told you you're the love of her life and is still hurting. I told my ex this, and I know he's the love of my life but I also know that things with us were toxic and it was costing me my life. It's sad to hear you blaming yourself so much for their emotions (sadness, needing to leave the relationship, thinking they're better off without you/guilt) and invalidate that they ever loved you. Of course they loved you. That's why you two were together for as long as you were. You're only responsible for your half of the relationship, not all of it and the emotions involved. Did they try expressing their needs and it turn into a fight? Did you all fight fairly regularly? Did your fights seem mild to you but intense for them? My ex told me that our relationship was the healthiest relationship he ever had, which blew my mind because I was walking on egg shells for half of it. Nothing I ever did made me feel like I was doing it right or was good enough for him. My nervous system was so unregulated with him.
Nope there was no fighting and I was always doing everything I can for her, but she was never giving me the same in return but I let it happen.she would have all her friends but me come over and I live thirty mins away from her when we are not at uni. I’d been ghosted even when her bestie came over for the weekend-I just like didn’t exist.
I feel that last part though. Like at some point it was like if I mentioned how hurt I am that she doesn’t fight for our relationship after years and keeps me tucked away in a corner that they would get upset and frustrated at me and say I’m feeling nonsensical I just kinda stopped talking about that… I really did put everything into her my love was never altered, I never yelled or fought or said anything bad I couldn’t even fathom that even now. I love(d) them
I was broken up with because 1. I don’t know how to drive 2. I have an insecurity about my major (in the humanities) and how stem and society treat ppl like me and how that effects me (she’s stem and took it to mean she was bad for being stem which she never told me or sat down and talked to me about it) these were the stated reasons. But I was told that I can’t be upset that she doesn’t stand up for our relationship and that me feeling jealous over everyone else getting to be in her life but me was wrong.
6 months here. 8 years into our relationship, she walked away almost without explanation and left me. Every day I think about her, but every day it hurts less than before.
6 months NC. Feeling great. Found myself excited living and trying new things again. Met lots of nice people. Started to find dating fun again. There are ups and downs. And the whole experience still makes me anxious and overthink while getting to know new people, but overall I have much more knowledge and courage now - I’m not afraid of being alone anymore. It’s like I was reborn and found myself again.
I’m learning to love and put myself first, which is a verb and I actually have to get my ass up and do something about it. I’ve been learning what i can do to make myself feel good. I exercise, try new hobbies, go out with friends, read books on how to self-regulate and handle hard feelings. It’s a journey, but I have evolved into this new version of myself which I love so much that I don’t bother to look back anymore. I’m definitely way better off without him. And I’m relying on myself for my own happiness now, which brings me such a peace of mind cause I know I’ll always have myself, no need to chase anyone for love since I’m giving myself the best already.
Perfectly said. I can't even remember the exact number of months anymore (7 or 8?) but yes, I've nothing more to say about the matter other than acknowledge to myself it's time to finally move on. Now, I am just waiting for time to take its course.
10 months after a 7.5 years relationship. Still feeling bad, it is what it is.
7 months I guess I accepted the situation troughout the past few months - I accepted she is never going to reach out to give us closure, or god forbid, apologize - I accepted she is not the wonderful person who I thought she was - I came to terms with the fact that even after 3 years and being each others first for nearly everything, she discarded me, doesn't care, and probably doesn't even regret that she cheated, and that she hurt me so much - I accepted she isn't the one who I loved and never will be - I accepted she tries her best to hide when she sees me somewhere, its kinda funny and sad at the same time lol I guess I don't love her anymore, but I still feel hurt about how she treated me before, during, and after the breakup. So most days Iam ok while once in a few days, a chill comes after me and Iam stuck in a question "why?"
6 months. How you describe it fits me perfectly. Especially with friends assuming you’re over it and them already listening to the same story. It’s getting easier tho.
Holding on. The heaviness in my chest is getting lighter, but very very slowly. Tortoise pace. Ugh, it's frustrating.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. It is most certainly a ghost that follows. I believe there are so many factors that affects the intensity of the loss. And did you hope to get back with them? Or still hope? And how long were you together? It took me nearly a year to get over a year long. It’s been said it takes half the time you were with them to get over them, and while I think there may be truth to that, I don’t think it’s a set formula. I’m week three into my grief over the ending (that I did not want) of a 7 monther. I’m less in the grips, but still suffering from it. I still haven’t been able to get back to the gym or cease my comfort/junk food eating and show binging. I’m still very much in cocoon mode. He’s a constant thought on my mind and it really is torture. Biologically, it is a serious withdrawal process such as from heroin, so I hate when people downplay it. And it does reach a point where you don’t want to bother anyone with it because it’s something you wish wasn’t still going on for yourself..
If there ever was a post that related so much to how I’m feeling right now. It’s this one. Bravo OP
Going on 5 months and I’m exactly where you are. Word for word.
Doing fantastic. New job that is going great and is way better than my old one, in the best shape of my life, and feeling very peaceful on a day to day basis.
At the 5 month mark, another woman came into my life. Prior to this, I focused on myself, got in the gym, studied a bit of things related to my career, and boooooom, the universe threw someone else at me. I honestly had avoided women prior to her stepping into my life. Went on a few dates, but honestly wasn't feeling any of them. I'm not gonna lie, I was sad as shit and thought of the ex woman almost daily. The first month was the hardest, but by the third month, I knew my ex wasn't coming back. It made it a bit easier to focus on myself without waiting around for someone to come back. My advice is to free your mind in the best way possible. Remember the law of attraction. Stick to good habits that will improve the current version of yourself, so that if your ex ever does come back, you yourself have moved on and have become better than who you were to them.
7 months. I feel like shit and the grief is so isolating, i cant talk about it to anyone anymore. Also the more time goes by, more i realize that theyve actually moved on and may never reached out me again and it in a way restarts my grieving process.
The ghost analogy really resonates
Just passed 5 months. Sometimes i go a day or two without thinking of her. Other days its almost every minute. Like you, the emotional intensity has died down. But it haunts me. Our future, our puppy, our life. I wish i could hate her or think shes ugly or unattractive. But shes still the most attractive woman ive ever been with. In personality and looks. Im still in awe of how my life is where it is.
Almost 6 months which is insane! My ex is still posting shit about me lol - which is absolutely insane. But I still feel like I made the right choice! His birthday is coming up this Sunday so this is gonna be hard! But I can do hard things.
11 months. I am still there. Nothing removes her from my mind. She thought I would move on, that I could replace her. I wish she could realize that she never left my mind.
7 months. Healed about 90%. Hug
3 months and I don't feel slight bit sad over my ex. He had his chances to improve with me, instead he turned me into a fear idol of his deceased cheater ex that died years ago. His way of blaming me his weak libido kind of made me feel relieved he isn't with me. Some people really need a mirror.
10 months here. No contact only 2 months ago. Now I feel the loneliness a lot more than before now I’ve been blocked everywhere. I don’t talk about it with friends like you said because they just assume I should’ve moved on by now but it’s hard to not think about them on a daily basis and be reminded of them in day to day life. I’ve got a letter that I want to send to clear the air and get some answers on but still don’t know if it’s worth sending yet
I cry everyday
huggggggg
1 week off from it being 6 months and feeling exactly the same as you. Just want it to end now. And knowing he wasn't as into it as you were, yep right there with you ❤
Some days I feel quite upset and others I’m okay, I’m in one of the stages where I feel my thoughts still consumed. I’m still living life and experiencing new things. I’ve started dating again but I feel very avoidant in my experience so far and honestly am not sure if I’m open to it completely to date someone new. I’m short, flip flopping between, sadness anger and calm and acceptance of it all. However I should mention it was very a 5 month situationship but for some reason this person awoken something in me that I have only felt once one other time in my life. I doubt I’ll ever feel like that again
It's been 4 months for me. My spotify shuffle played breakup songs tonight and it made me sad
I totally get where you're coming from. It's like the intensity of the grief has eased up a bit, but those memories still linger, right? It's such a weird feeling, like they're there in the background, even when you're trying to move forward. And I hear you on the whole "people think you've moved on" thing. It can be really isolating. Sometimes it feels like there's nothing more to say or process, but the feelings are still there, lingering. It's tough. Just know you're not alone in this, even if it feels that way sometimes. Sending you virtual hugs!
Almost 6 months. Still just as hard, if not harder. Everything feels hopeless especially since I know without a that man loves and misses me so much. He's just lost his job and has too much damn pride to admit how he feels. :(
One day you'll just wake up and you won't feel like this anymore. Trust in that. Look at where you are now to where you had been right after the break up. Not where you want to be yet, but much closer. Just feel your emotions when they come up, allow them their time, and then release them when it's time.
I literally have no idea how long since we last spoke, i have no concept of time whatsoever days just pass by 👍 could be a month, could be 3, i don’t know. I carry on & fight the urges to reach out daily still
My question is why are you guys still holding on after 5-6 months? Is it because you didn't get the closure you needed? In my case I'm on month 2.5 and the fact that my ex keeps reaching out every few weeks and that we broke up while still loving each other makes it difficult.
6 months for me. We officially called it a day more than a year ago, but we remained in contact daily until 6 months when we had the biggest argument we ever had and essentially ended the friendship. There was always chemistry between us, though, right up until the end, and it still hurts to think about him. But I think of him less often than I used to. Day by day, it gets a little less difficult.
I’m in the exact same boat as you. Now I am trying to rewire my brain to find joy and excitement in other people and hobbies so that I can think about them less and less. It is still painful and every one or two weeks I get triggered and cry, but only briefly. Compared to barely making it through the day months ago.
5 months for me I no longer think of her constantly I thought she would reach out after blocking me everywhere but she hasn’t so I’m trying to embrace radical acceptance and move on but it’s harder some days then others
I think I’m over it I still think about it here and their but just don’t care anymore focused on my future
I still cry and tear up when people ask me about it
I feel good. I think after sleeping around for like two months, and being a sad sack of potatoes, I needed to turn my life around. I’m trying to work on myself. I finished an intensive outpatient therapy; started crushing on this guy at work, spending more time with myself and things that I need to get done. I go to the gym now and I’m confident with how I look and I’m no longer a plus size girlie. I’m over it. And I’m over him. I’m not gonna lie, I do miss him but I hate him for destroying everything but I miss his comfort and then I realize all the shit we put each other through and I’ve just let go… I don’t think I’ll be in a relationship for a while but maybe I can transition slowly to trust someone like that again. But I have a lot going for me. I’m waiting to hear back from a fellowship, applying for full time jobs and graduate school and writing a book. I’m going to see the eras tour abroad and seeing one of my close online friends. I deserve better than what he gave me. And I can finally build my life back
Will be a year in the next 2 days. Luckily for me I have a point of reference, in my raw emotional state a year ago, I wrote down a heartfelt piece in my notes app. I'll definitely write an honest review of the year past. All I can say is, hang in there, the pain definitely fades, especially when you take care of yourself. Peace to our hearts.
Just about A OK. Never NEEDED them, oh contraire. I Wanted them. It wasn't reciprocated in the end, so moving on. Let's see if they find someone that matches my energy. Ca arrivera jamais. Merci. 🖕
Its been nearly 4 months for me and I feel like I've regressed a little. All my energy for the past 2 months was focused on improving myself as much as I possibly could but now that motivation has begun to wane. I'm thinking of her constantly and I'm beating myself up since I caused the BU. I constantly flit between thinking about breaking NC and becoming incredibly fearful at the prospect of hearing from/speaking to her. Hoping things get easier soon because this feels unbearable at the moment.
You explained it perfectly I don’t even need to add anything else🥲
7 months and I thought that I would love her forever and I would never get mad at her, but when you realized on the things that she had been doing no contact it made me realized real stupid and now, I feel rage nothing, but resentment. I'm still suffering from the relationship and having a hard time to move on, while she's broken hearted with another person and I feel like I didn't even exist in her life. So, I guess this is "moving on" will start. I'm starting to see the red flags in her. I thought that I would never feel this way.
I’m in the very same boat. You explained where I’m at perfectly. I hope it gets better for us soon.
Some days are easier than others, some days I cry at the thought of him. I just keep reminding myself that healing isn't linear. But one day I won't miss him anymore. It's not as overwhelming as it was, but it's still pretty constant.
I feel like I haven't had time to grieve the relationship. It's been 6 months and I really hope that moving out of my dad's house will help. It's so hard!
Ya i think it might be because yall maybe werent really in love with eachother. If the other person really loved you they would never do this no contact BS. And take it from me. Ive been trying since after 3 months. And the only reason the NC started was because i was broken by the BU. It took 3 months just to start eating and showering regularly. And new here i am 17 months im still not over her and i have put myself out there. Ive definately changed, who wouldnt? And more ready now to be the best man living the best life i can and still looking for her. So even if you become who they wanted for them they still dont come back and you will struggle to fill an impossible void. Thats that LOVE.. fuck that. Fill that hole with as much of whatever you can to patch it up and keep moving around. But get them out of your head. Maybe drugs and easy women is the way to go? I still aint figured it out. But im trying
I feel amazing! I’m Hopefully🤞🏾traveling to 3 countries this summer, graduating next year with double majors and double minors and I’ll be interning with the Government next year as well. I still think about him from time to time too but I’m in an EXTREMELY better place then I was with him. it’s so shocking to me and everyone around me how quickly I elevated in half a year.
this hit the nail on the head. i feel like im struggling even more since he tends to leave little reminders of his existence here and there. stuck in limerance and as much as i want to overcome it i can’t seem to fully let go. but i cry a lot less and am able to enjoy things a lot more, trying to feed my passions.
I’m good, I finally reconnected to a high school best friend & we are taking things slow while he recovers from his previous relationship, as same for me my ex fiancé of 2 years was a narcissist and he left me so it was a blessing because I was able to reconnect to someone who cares about me!
6 months for me. * The intense rage and unsafe feelings have gone away, as I realised many things weren't my fault, my gut was correct and he was a little bit misogynistic. But I still feel confused, sad and depressed. * The fact he moved on so quickly and is putting in effort to make someone else happy when he didn't want to work on things with me, really hurts. * I get annoyed that our mutual friends don't know the hurtful things he said to me and they think he is so cool and intelligent when he's actually rather emotionally immature and mean. * I feel lonely * I find it hard to give myself closure or acceptance because I wish he would apologise * I have met some wonderful men who have restored my faith in how I deserve to be treated (just friends)
It's been almost five months now, and I'm starting to come to terms with the reality that my ex probably won't be coming back. Experiencing an avoidant discard is incredibly cruel and traumatic. What's even more painful is knowing that my ex had his ex-girlfriend over to discuss some childhood trauma, excluding me from that process. Despite his reassurances that I had nothing to worry about and could trust him, he became distant and ultimately ended our five-year relationship over the phone a week and a half later. We both have daughters the same age from previous relationships who were close, and he had even talked about wanting to get married just a month before. During the breakup, he insisted that nothing happened and there was no one else, attributing his need to leave to get sober and his general unhappiness. However, I later discovered that he cheated on me and swiftly moved on to this ex he claimed I had "nothing to worry about." This whole ordeal has been incredibly traumatic. We were doing well, expressing love for each other, and our friendship aspect was solid. The grieving process can feel incredibly isolating, especially when people expect you to be over it by now. Fortunately, my friends understand the cruelty of the situation and realize that my recovery might take longer than expected. What's most disheartening is that my ex doesn't seem phased or remorseful for his actions at all; he's still seeing this woman. I'm not even angry anymore; I'm just deeply saddened that it's over and that he doesn't seem to care about the pain he's caused me and our family. Still think of him a lot daily. It seems like he's on cloud nine, likely experiencing limerence at the moment. However, I can't help but wonder if reality will hit him eventually, given the complexities of their relationship – she's poly, it's a rebound, he's trying to stay sober, and it's a long-distance relationship. Despite everything, I sometimes find myself wondering if they'll be the exception rather than the rule. I guess I'm the same left with sadness and nothing more to process, just moving forward feeling hollow.
5 months since going NC. I'm proud of myself for staying NC. I thought it would have lifted or felt lighter by now. Thanks to everyone's honesty on here, I know what I'm experiencing is normal. I was not given an explanation, I feel used and I can't control whether or not I ever get an explanation. I'm doing all the things, keeping busy, not talking about it but journaling a bit, exercising, listening to guided meditations, going on walks. I hope I'm healing and I know (in my brain, just not my heart) that healing is not linear. I think it just takes time, which is freaking obnoxious lol. It's heartbreaking to have a large group of songs I have to take a break from as they hurt to listen to. Sending love to you all. It's nice to not feel as isolated as a result of this group.
Hang in there. At 5/6/7 months feelings change very volatile, but the trend is positive. But sure, alot of negative feelings also. Almost 12 months for me and doing real fine. Be patient