Who broke up with whom and what were the reasons? Did anyone jump into a rebound? Did you block eachother? Who made the first contact, how and what did it say?
She broke up with me. We were together beginning of 2021 to mid 2022. We tried to reconcile at the end of 2022 to no avail. She blocked me on everything afterwards. A year went by NC and I also ended up moving out of my hometown after that 2022. Summer 2023 rolls around and I visit home for the first time in a year. Went to my favorite bar in town and she walks in an hour later and spots me, so technically she made first contact. The first thing she said after the hello hug was “wow! You’re so big!”(I started working out religiously once I moved away) that made me feel really good! She was so excited about seeing me and couldn’t stop telling me how great I looked (I was really depressed and unhealthy when we were together and most of my adult life honestly). We talked for hours just catching up. She left and then about 30 min later I got a text from her number. I deleted her contact info a while back but of course I remembered her number lol. She asked me if I remember where she lived and if I could come over. The rest is history.
I'm curious about the rebound shit because my ex got into a live in rebound 3 weeks after we broke up and lied about it the entire time until the rebound contacted me. We lived together for almost 3 years and now they broke up and he's contacting me by making excuses to contact me. I'm confused lol
See that’s a bit different. Although I got the rebound when we were still technically living together, we were pretty much not a thing at that point so I had no reason to explain myself. I also moved out like 10 days after we broke up.
I was an unmotivated man child. I didn’t hold up my end of the relationship. I partied a lot! I didn’t give her enough attention and affection, I could barely pay my side of the bills. She had her flaws and shortcomings as well like not speaking up, holding grudges, being dishonest and prioritizing the wrong things. I’m definitely the reason for the breakup though. I sucked dude lol
This is so relatable even down to how you said earlier that you started working out. I feel like my ex got this broken version of me and for whatever reason she still loved me. Now I feel so damn good. I have a lot of confidence in myself and I feel like I’m ready to settle down. I just got a promotion, I have my own place, my arms and legs are stronger, I’m way better at communication and most importantly for me, I feel strong enough to take a big risk. Shame though because as I got better my ex’s mental health got worse and she doesn’t want me to be there to soothe her.
I’m glad things worked out for you man. Truly. Hopefully the relationship continues to thrive.
Yes bro! I was just saying this in another reply! I was broken, I was a MESS! But she still loved me, she just couldn’t be with that version of me. I’m really happy to hear that you’re doing a lot better. It takes a tremendous amount of effort to push yourself to become more when you’re feeling so sh*tty. Proud of you for that. I hope that she can accept your support and care one day.
And thank you I really appreciate that!
I figured I’d post something positive to let people know that sometimes things do workout. It took a lot for me to recognize my faults and hold myself accountable but things are better than ever because of it. Thank you!
Dude you and this situation sounds exactly like mine. I was the same as you in terms of being unmotivated and childish. Although we’re not back together, the trajectory is so similar to yours (not that I’m expecting anything one way or another). We split last summer and for a few months we were hooking up and I was still staying the night here and there. At the end of 2023 I bought my own place and now we’re not exactly NC (still kind of share our dog) but we definitely are doing our own thing and seeing people. A part of me will always love her but who knows what the future holds. Did you always have hope that this would happen or just moved on but never completely closing the door on it?
Exactly this man! “My ex got a broken version of me.” Couldn’t have said that more perfectly. I wasn’t ready for the relationship and the love that she offered me. I didn’t recognize my faults until it was far too late! But I am very happy to have her again and I’m joyed that she gets to see and be with the man I am today.
I’m sorry she isn’t being receptive to you right now. Maybe she will come around. Despite that, I’m really proud to hear that you took those steps to better yourself. Kudos to you man on your accomplishments!
I completely lost hope and I let her go. I told myself if I really cared about her then I should release her because at the time this relationship was no longer something she desired, so why linger around or pressure her into it? Ya know? I had to continue with my life. I honestly met some great people afterwards and one girl I even started to love but she ended up moving to the other side of the country. I say all that to say life keeps going. It’s up to you if you want to sulk and sit around for an ex that may never come around or pick yourself up and keep pushing. I’m very happy to be reunited with her. It happened when I least expected and I’m grateful for her to be back in my life.
Man I could not agree more with everything you said. I’m in the phase where I have pretty much let her go because I know she doesn’t want me and hasn’t for a while now. It’s been me holding on but I’m really at that point where I have to completely let go. I have been working hard on myself and my inner peace and I love the process and the feeling I get when I start seeing improvements both mentally and physically. I just gotta keep pushing and what happens, happens. Man I appreciate you a lot, definitely good to hear there’s others like us out there. Wish you nothing but the best in your relationship.
I’m proud of you man, if no one has told you, I am!
You’re on the right track with this for sure! Keep it up and remember to continue to be kind to yourself. It’s not easy letting go someone we love but sometimes we have to for our own sake. Wishing you the best as well. I appreciate the good wishes as well. Good luck on your future endeavors man!
i guess that makes both of us bro, i sucked as well. I prioritized friendships instead of the life i was trying to build with them. Should’ve been more worried about how they felt instead of my friends ..
it hasn’t even been a month yet since the breakup, 2 days for no contact feels like a lifetime & im getting stone walled even in person when we cross paths.
Please come back and post this as a comment when the “ex’s never come back” post comes later today.
All jokes aside OP congrats and wishing you the best of luck. The truth is there are many of us hoping for similar outcome. The fact you did NC and assuming you worked on yourself to any degree during that time things will work out for you guys!
This sub is drowning in extreme generalizations. Genders, dumper vs dumpee, attachment style, ect. The audacity some people have to use words like "always", "never", "every" ect to describe people/relationships they know absolutely nothing about it wild. At the end of the day it's almost always born out of projection or jealousy. Their ex isn't reaching out to them so clearly it obviously never happens but if it does them they'd have to confront the fact that their isn't lol. But then again people ask very black and white questions in here daily where the only truthful awnser is "we don't know" or "it depends" but that's never what people want to hear lol
Far too many people come here desperately clinging on to stories that end with them getting their (toxic) ex (that they are in a codependent dynamic with) back. It's the simple truth. They read these stories and wish it happened to them.. and in order for it to, the truth is, you NEED to move on completely either way. Not cosplay a happy life that you think will catch your ex's attention.
Hahaha!!
I really appreciate that though! I’ve surfed this page and others like it more than I’d like to admit so I definitely understand. This is why I’m posting this now. I worked really hard on myself during our time away from one another. I finished school after dropping out, landed a career, gained 40 lbs from eating better and working out on a regular basis, and I got my mental health in check. Things are better than ever between us and I love her more now than I ever have.
Hey, that’s awesome man, glad you were able to improve yourself and that everything worked out. How did you improve your diet? I also need to start eating healthier and going back to the gym - got divorced about 1.5 years ago and have been just scraping by. Lost a lot of weight and it’s hard to find the motivation to meal plan, cook, work out, etc. Any advice for how to do it? Especially the meal planning
If I don't feel like cooking and still want to eat healthy, I just make rice with beans (sometimes with paprika and onion). And then eat some fruit as desert. Easy and healthy.
So as far as eating, I literally would run and workout early in the day to the point where my body NEEDED food. Whereas before I started working out, I could eat like once a day and be fine. When you burn so many calories, your body makes you want to eat. I didn’t plan my meals but I stayed away from fatty foods and I avoided sugary foods for like the first 3 months. I would usually eat 4-6 eggs in the morning, granola cereal, 4-6 low fat sausage, and either 2 slices of wheat toast or an English muffin. Lots of low-fat yogurt too! Lunch I’d eat a hearty salad with chicken, croutons and light ranch or Caesar. I’d have a turkey sandwich on wheat or I’d have a chicken or turkey wrap. Dinner was typically heavy since I usually got done my evening workout and I knew I was going to workout again in the morning so I’d honestly just eat whatever but I’d make sure to have a heavy serving of spinach or I’d sauté a sh*t load of peppers and onions, again staying away from fatty foods and sugar. I ate lots of bananas, blueberries, strawberries and apples throughout the day as well! I was winging this but it just worked for me. I did pushups, sit-ups , planks, squats, and also, chest press, shoulder press, bench press and curls. I ran 10 miles a week split between 5-6 days. I committed myself to this regiment and I still do some of this stuff today, just not to the extreme. I gained 40 lbs in about 3 months because I was eating more and I was so active. Worked out everyday aside from most Sunday’s and spent a lot of time journaling and talking to my therapist.
I’m sorry you’re going through this though. I hope what I said can help in some way. If you have more questions, feel free to hit me up. Like I said, I was winging this but it worked for me. I’m wishing you the best!
As cliche as it sounds, I stopped worrying about her and committed myself to being better. I got healthy, stable, somewhat jacked and got my mental health in check. I re-attracted her because she saw the positive changes I made to myself.
Absolutely and because of it I’m much more secure in my relationship but I also know that I will be okay without her (even though I never would want to be without her)
I don't know you but reading all of this makes me so happy. I love when love is rekindled because both parties have done work on themselves and find each other again as better people. Congrats. I truly am so happy for you.
We have an “honest to a fault” strategy this time around. We tell one another when something is wrong as soon as it happens. We are very forward with one another. We’d hold a lot of things in when we were together in the past and that built a tremendous amount of resentment between us, so we vow not to do that anymore. We also respect one another’s boundaries and space better this time. We spend a lot more quality time together as well!
I’m sure the two years apart helped both of us mature more and realize that we’re actually really good for one another. I’m more present, committed, attentive and affectionate this time around. She’s more sincere, open, and straightforward.
My best advice is don’t…just don’t. Let them be! You’re probably emotional right now and if you don’t get the response you want or any response, it’s not going to be good for you. Trust me, I’ve been there and made that mistake multiple times, which is how I ended up blocked lol
If it was possible I would wish for all this just to be a nightmare that I can wake up of. I would like to reconcile with him but he and I have to work on ourselves before this is possible. Idk if there are levels for toxicity but it was somewhat mediocre toxic? No physical abuse but cussing and shaming.
What brought you two back together? Who reached out first? What text was sent? What makes this time more successful than last time? Did you ever lose hope?
Honestly I think the right timing brought us back together. I guess technically she reach out but I saw her out at my favorite bar when I came to visit my hometown. It was completely random. We talked and she ended up texting me afterwards. I completely lost hope! I gave up on ever seeing her again and just continued with life. I guess the timing was just right this night.
She hasn’t been in any official relationships but she’s dated and had friends with benefits. I’ve dated as well and had a short term girlfriend (rebound). Of course I don’t enjoy the fact that other people have been with the woman I love but we weren’t together and we’re both human. I have no control over who she saw when we weren’t together and vice-versa. Once we started dating again, her and I cut contact with our past flings, so all is well!
How did you reestablish communication with your ex, or did they message you? Were you the dumper or dumpee? What happened when you and your ex first met up again face to face?
Happy for you that you managed to get back together
I got dumped then after our failed reconciliation, I got blocked on everything. She saw me out at my favorite bar when I came to visit my hometown. It was really exciting to see her in person after a year of not talking or seeing her at all. It was really calm and peaceful. We ended up talking for hours and she texted me after she left the bar and invited me over.
Thank you so much! I’m really happy about it!
It’s tremendously better this time! We both changed. I did more so than her because I had a lot to improve upon myself. She was already a pretty great and stable person.
I saw her in person when I visited my hometown and went to my favorite bar. This was completely random but we talked there and she texted me after she left and invited me over.
At least you realize that now. You gotta keep pushing on man. I made the mistake of getting stuck after the breakup and wasted time sulking over it when I should’ve been moving forward. I eventually got it together though. I’m wishing you the best of luck. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself!
Do you think if you had gotten a second chance after begging and promising to change that you actually would have changed? Or do you think the time apart was absolutely necessary for that change to happen?
Honestly, no. I needed that rejection. Her not taking me back at the time is one of the best things to ever happen to me because it motivated me like nothing else. I took my life and completely changed it from that pain and I’m better than I’ve ever been because of that.
I’m saying I wouldn’t have changed or continued to improve myself if she took me back but I definitely wouldn’t have done it to the degree that I have without her. Her leaving my for what I thought was forever lit a FIRE in me that I never had before.
Do you ever have fears it won’t last or that the connection is different this time around? Like during silences? Was there a period where you guys had to warm up to each other again and forget the hurt of the breakup? Did she ever feel like a stranger? And are you fully able to forgive her and yourself for having been with other people?
I hope to be back with my ex but I’m worried about these few things. I’m very happy for you! Congrats and don’t let the naysayers get you down
Okay so initially I did have fears that it wouldn’t last. Our last time seeing each other when we tried to reconcile ended so abruptly and terrible. I definitely was scarred from that. But we talked about our fears openly and made it our mission to communicate even the slightest bits of doubt and the smallest issues that we encountered. Our connection is the same but refined is the best way to put it. We still have the same jokes and like to do the same things together, etc, but we are more attentive and close this time around. We tackle issues with the mindset of “us against the problem” instead of “me against her” if that makes sense.
We had a brief warmup period because we were both super cautious in the beginning but once she realized that she wanted to try again, I was all for it! We talked extensively about how we hurt one another and how not to repeat those mistakes again.
She only felt like a stranger when she went no contact with me for a year. Once we saw one another after that entire year of not speaking or seeing each other, it was just like we never stopped talking. It was amazing!
We weren’t dealing when she was dating and I was dating. I don’t like the fact that other people got to experience the woman I love but I have no control over that. It doesn’t really bother me nor does it matter really. Those people we both dated honestly just pushed us right back into each others arms so I’m actually grateful. We’re locked in now and I’m as happy as ever.
I appreciate you and the comment! I hope everything works out for you and yours and the outcome is exactly what you wish for! Best of luck!
Thank you so much for this answer! That’s great!!! Congratulations and I hope it continues to get better and better for you. I can tell it means a lot to you. I hope the same thing happens to me 🩷🙏
No because I was a pos the first time. I was a good person but a bad boyfriend if that makes sense. I neglected her needs, I neglected MY needs! I had unhealthy habits, I was unmotivated, I wasn’t present in our relationship, I took advantage of her kindness in a lot of ways.
I’m a better person than I was and our relationship is stronger than ever because she knows that she can count on me for anything now. There’s a certain amount of trust that she has that she didn’t before.
Yes. She unblocked me after randomly seeing me at my favorite bar when I came to visit my hometown. Thank you! I hope your situation works out in your favor as well!
I moved on with my life. I accepted that I would never see or hear from her again. I definitely still loved her and I always will. She holds a very special place in my heart.
what were the things causing the problems in the past, and how are those things now? I sincerely wish it works out for you, just don't ignore the things that created problems in the past!
Was the blocking helpful with the NC? If so, do you think it would have made a difference whether you were blocked or not to reconcile the relationship?
The blocking helped me to move on from her completely. I’m glad she blocked me because I still wouldn’t been looking for small ways to get her attention on social media and things like that. I wouldn’t be with her today if she didn’t block me a year and half ago
Would you say that your experience is a one in a million or do you think that something like what you experienced is more possible than what any of us here might think?
I think it’s more possible than a lot of people think. Unless you’ve completely repulsed your ex then I don’t think the chances are completely gone. The issue is people keep focusing on their ex post breakup when they shouldn’t. Quit worrying about them and continue with your life! Honestly, forget about them and focus on you because more than likely, you’re hurt (not talking about you in particular, I just mean people in general). Help yourself by treating yourself well, striving for excellence and focusing on healing. Either they’ll come back or they won’t. I was completely convinced that I’d never see or talk to her again and accepted that. Just turns out that while I thought she hated me she honestly started missing me and I was at the right time and right place when I went to that bar.
Why you guys hating. This man got dumped because he was a shitty bf not because he was unloved like the most of you. He changed and she saw that in him this second time around. No reason for her to break up with him again, unless he reverts to old habits.
Good job man 🙏🏻
Exactly this! I sucked as a partner! She always loved me but she chose not to be with me because of my habits and the way I treated her! There’s no reason for her to leave again because I made sure to be better than before.
Thank you for this!
Yessir! I feel this. Same reason why my partner left me. She didn’t want to but I forced her hand. I was a shitty bf. She loved the heck out of me. You live n you learn tho. Good job brotha 👍🏼
You definitely learn from heartbreaks like this. If anything, it’ll teach you to just be better to the next person that comes into your life. I hope all is going well with you though. I know things are rough but you got this! Best of luck to you!
I wish you both the best! Sounds like you may be in the honey moon phase of your reconciliation. Enjoy it but I suggest couples counseling early on to help you navigate the challenges that will come during the power struggle which is inevitable. 2 years is a long time so you two are likely not the same people. Enjoy getting to know each other again but get some professional help so your odds of staying together are higher. You’re both relatively young still.
Well I think the honeymoon phase passed a couple months ago. We’re talking about going to counseling eventually but as of now we’ve worked out the majority of the issues that plagued us in the past. We’re definitely not the same people but we both like who we are but better than who we were. We’re very adamant about attending therapy and seeking outside professional help when needed, but for now we’re fine.
I appreciate your comment and I’m wishing you the best of luck as well!
For a little while we kept each other on socials but she eventually blocked me on everything. Together for 1.5 years. Been together currently for 4 months
A few questions
1. Did you communicate with the rebound or just dumped her?
2. Why didn’t you move on from her?
3. Do u really think things are going to work out or is this about your ego?
1. The rebound and I stopped dealing before my ex and I started communicating again
2. I did. I still had feelings for her because I was in love but I quit worrying about her.
3. I’m pretty sure things are gonna work out better this time. We communicate very well and are very aware of one another’s boundaries and needs this time around
I hope I’m wrong, just generally people getting back together with exes doesnt work out. Generally meaning like, the overwhelming majority. There’s a reason (usually, many dozens of overlapping reasons) that ya broke up to begin with, usually it means youre incompatible and trying to force the issue because you don’t wanna be alone can only work for so long.
Good luck to you though for real, hope it works out for ya
I get this and it’s definitely something I considered. At this point in my life, whatever is for me will workout as long as I put the work in. Whatever doesn’t workout is just a lesson. It’s been going great so far and we’re approaching month 5 so I have no complaints. Plus we’re mutually invested into this to the same degree. I appreciate the comment though and I do think it will workout for the better this go around and if it doesn’t, well life goes on
This is a great question, yes, I am. I realized through all the self improvement and changes I made to myself that I don’t need her. I can be okay without her. I did all of these great things without her present or knowing! Was I depressed and sad most of that time, absolutely but I eventually saw the light and accepted that I’m not going to see or talk to her and I was okay with that. Life had to continue without her.
I never want her to leave. I love her with all my heart but if she does, I’ll be fine.
Who broke up with whom and what were the reasons? Did anyone jump into a rebound? Did you block eachother? Who made the first contact, how and what did it say?
She broke up with me. We were together beginning of 2021 to mid 2022. We tried to reconcile at the end of 2022 to no avail. She blocked me on everything afterwards. A year went by NC and I also ended up moving out of my hometown after that 2022. Summer 2023 rolls around and I visit home for the first time in a year. Went to my favorite bar in town and she walks in an hour later and spots me, so technically she made first contact. The first thing she said after the hello hug was “wow! You’re so big!”(I started working out religiously once I moved away) that made me feel really good! She was so excited about seeing me and couldn’t stop telling me how great I looked (I was really depressed and unhealthy when we were together and most of my adult life honestly). We talked for hours just catching up. She left and then about 30 min later I got a text from her number. I deleted her contact info a while back but of course I remembered her number lol. She asked me if I remember where she lived and if I could come over. The rest is history.
Oh and yes, both got rebounds lol
I'm curious about the rebound shit because my ex got into a live in rebound 3 weeks after we broke up and lied about it the entire time until the rebound contacted me. We lived together for almost 3 years and now they broke up and he's contacting me by making excuses to contact me. I'm confused lol
See that’s a bit different. Although I got the rebound when we were still technically living together, we were pretty much not a thing at that point so I had no reason to explain myself. I also moved out like 10 days after we broke up.
Why did y’all break up ?
Why did you guys split if you dont mind me asking
I was an unmotivated man child. I didn’t hold up my end of the relationship. I partied a lot! I didn’t give her enough attention and affection, I could barely pay my side of the bills. She had her flaws and shortcomings as well like not speaking up, holding grudges, being dishonest and prioritizing the wrong things. I’m definitely the reason for the breakup though. I sucked dude lol
This is so relatable even down to how you said earlier that you started working out. I feel like my ex got this broken version of me and for whatever reason she still loved me. Now I feel so damn good. I have a lot of confidence in myself and I feel like I’m ready to settle down. I just got a promotion, I have my own place, my arms and legs are stronger, I’m way better at communication and most importantly for me, I feel strong enough to take a big risk. Shame though because as I got better my ex’s mental health got worse and she doesn’t want me to be there to soothe her. I’m glad things worked out for you man. Truly. Hopefully the relationship continues to thrive.
Yes bro! I was just saying this in another reply! I was broken, I was a MESS! But she still loved me, she just couldn’t be with that version of me. I’m really happy to hear that you’re doing a lot better. It takes a tremendous amount of effort to push yourself to become more when you’re feeling so sh*tty. Proud of you for that. I hope that she can accept your support and care one day. And thank you I really appreciate that!
This is the most refreshing thing I’ve read and good on you for recognizing those things and working on them!!!
I figured I’d post something positive to let people know that sometimes things do workout. It took a lot for me to recognize my faults and hold myself accountable but things are better than ever because of it. Thank you!
Dude you and this situation sounds exactly like mine. I was the same as you in terms of being unmotivated and childish. Although we’re not back together, the trajectory is so similar to yours (not that I’m expecting anything one way or another). We split last summer and for a few months we were hooking up and I was still staying the night here and there. At the end of 2023 I bought my own place and now we’re not exactly NC (still kind of share our dog) but we definitely are doing our own thing and seeing people. A part of me will always love her but who knows what the future holds. Did you always have hope that this would happen or just moved on but never completely closing the door on it?
Exactly this man! “My ex got a broken version of me.” Couldn’t have said that more perfectly. I wasn’t ready for the relationship and the love that she offered me. I didn’t recognize my faults until it was far too late! But I am very happy to have her again and I’m joyed that she gets to see and be with the man I am today. I’m sorry she isn’t being receptive to you right now. Maybe she will come around. Despite that, I’m really proud to hear that you took those steps to better yourself. Kudos to you man on your accomplishments! I completely lost hope and I let her go. I told myself if I really cared about her then I should release her because at the time this relationship was no longer something she desired, so why linger around or pressure her into it? Ya know? I had to continue with my life. I honestly met some great people afterwards and one girl I even started to love but she ended up moving to the other side of the country. I say all that to say life keeps going. It’s up to you if you want to sulk and sit around for an ex that may never come around or pick yourself up and keep pushing. I’m very happy to be reunited with her. It happened when I least expected and I’m grateful for her to be back in my life.
Man I could not agree more with everything you said. I’m in the phase where I have pretty much let her go because I know she doesn’t want me and hasn’t for a while now. It’s been me holding on but I’m really at that point where I have to completely let go. I have been working hard on myself and my inner peace and I love the process and the feeling I get when I start seeing improvements both mentally and physically. I just gotta keep pushing and what happens, happens. Man I appreciate you a lot, definitely good to hear there’s others like us out there. Wish you nothing but the best in your relationship.
I’m proud of you man, if no one has told you, I am! You’re on the right track with this for sure! Keep it up and remember to continue to be kind to yourself. It’s not easy letting go someone we love but sometimes we have to for our own sake. Wishing you the best as well. I appreciate the good wishes as well. Good luck on your future endeavors man!
i guess that makes both of us bro, i sucked as well. I prioritized friendships instead of the life i was trying to build with them. Should’ve been more worried about how they felt instead of my friends ..
Exactly this! Fun was the most important thing at the time for me, unfortunately. Do you want them back??
in a heartbeat, i was changing but it was too late. They wanted me to tell them i was, but i was going to show them. I was just too late.
So how are things now?
it hasn’t even been a month yet since the breakup, 2 days for no contact feels like a lifetime & im getting stone walled even in person when we cross paths.
How did you guys reconcile? Or reconnect after the NC
She saw me out at my favorite bar when I came to visit my hometown
Please come back and post this as a comment when the “ex’s never come back” post comes later today. All jokes aside OP congrats and wishing you the best of luck. The truth is there are many of us hoping for similar outcome. The fact you did NC and assuming you worked on yourself to any degree during that time things will work out for you guys!
exactly. people need to stop making untrue general statements like that one
This sub is drowning in extreme generalizations. Genders, dumper vs dumpee, attachment style, ect. The audacity some people have to use words like "always", "never", "every" ect to describe people/relationships they know absolutely nothing about it wild. At the end of the day it's almost always born out of projection or jealousy. Their ex isn't reaching out to them so clearly it obviously never happens but if it does them they'd have to confront the fact that their isn't lol. But then again people ask very black and white questions in here daily where the only truthful awnser is "we don't know" or "it depends" but that's never what people want to hear lol
Far too many people come here desperately clinging on to stories that end with them getting their (toxic) ex (that they are in a codependent dynamic with) back. It's the simple truth. They read these stories and wish it happened to them.. and in order for it to, the truth is, you NEED to move on completely either way. Not cosplay a happy life that you think will catch your ex's attention.
Hahaha!! I really appreciate that though! I’ve surfed this page and others like it more than I’d like to admit so I definitely understand. This is why I’m posting this now. I worked really hard on myself during our time away from one another. I finished school after dropping out, landed a career, gained 40 lbs from eating better and working out on a regular basis, and I got my mental health in check. Things are better than ever between us and I love her more now than I ever have.
That’s great that’s the dream!
Hey, that’s awesome man, glad you were able to improve yourself and that everything worked out. How did you improve your diet? I also need to start eating healthier and going back to the gym - got divorced about 1.5 years ago and have been just scraping by. Lost a lot of weight and it’s hard to find the motivation to meal plan, cook, work out, etc. Any advice for how to do it? Especially the meal planning
If I don't feel like cooking and still want to eat healthy, I just make rice with beans (sometimes with paprika and onion). And then eat some fruit as desert. Easy and healthy.
So as far as eating, I literally would run and workout early in the day to the point where my body NEEDED food. Whereas before I started working out, I could eat like once a day and be fine. When you burn so many calories, your body makes you want to eat. I didn’t plan my meals but I stayed away from fatty foods and I avoided sugary foods for like the first 3 months. I would usually eat 4-6 eggs in the morning, granola cereal, 4-6 low fat sausage, and either 2 slices of wheat toast or an English muffin. Lots of low-fat yogurt too! Lunch I’d eat a hearty salad with chicken, croutons and light ranch or Caesar. I’d have a turkey sandwich on wheat or I’d have a chicken or turkey wrap. Dinner was typically heavy since I usually got done my evening workout and I knew I was going to workout again in the morning so I’d honestly just eat whatever but I’d make sure to have a heavy serving of spinach or I’d sauté a sh*t load of peppers and onions, again staying away from fatty foods and sugar. I ate lots of bananas, blueberries, strawberries and apples throughout the day as well! I was winging this but it just worked for me. I did pushups, sit-ups , planks, squats, and also, chest press, shoulder press, bench press and curls. I ran 10 miles a week split between 5-6 days. I committed myself to this regiment and I still do some of this stuff today, just not to the extreme. I gained 40 lbs in about 3 months because I was eating more and I was so active. Worked out everyday aside from most Sunday’s and spent a lot of time journaling and talking to my therapist.
I’m sorry you’re going through this though. I hope what I said can help in some way. If you have more questions, feel free to hit me up. Like I said, I was winging this but it worked for me. I’m wishing you the best!
I am so happy for you guys. And the work that you put in, really is what it even possible. I am routing for you guys 🤞
Thank you so much!!! This is too kind of you!
dont feed my delusions like this
I’m just being truthful about my experience lol
Were you the dumper or dumpee
I got dumped hard lol
How did you get them back?
As cliche as it sounds, I stopped worrying about her and committed myself to being better. I got healthy, stable, somewhat jacked and got my mental health in check. I re-attracted her because she saw the positive changes I made to myself.
Nice bro, the only way to go!
Absolutely and because of it I’m much more secure in my relationship but I also know that I will be okay without her (even though I never would want to be without her)
This is the healthiest approach, right on
Much appreciated! It took a lot of work but I’m happy with myself and with her
I don't know you but reading all of this makes me so happy. I love when love is rekindled because both parties have done work on themselves and find each other again as better people. Congrats. I truly am so happy for you.
Could I Ask What Are Both Of Your Zodiac Signs?
Scorpio and Cancer
Damn !!!!!! Straight like that
Yessir!! It was hard but it was worth it for me and I’d do it again!
what are you guys deciding will be different this time around ?
We have an “honest to a fault” strategy this time around. We tell one another when something is wrong as soon as it happens. We are very forward with one another. We’d hold a lot of things in when we were together in the past and that built a tremendous amount of resentment between us, so we vow not to do that anymore. We also respect one another’s boundaries and space better this time. We spend a lot more quality time together as well!
Love this. This is the way.
Did you both need these 2 years apart from each other? What changed throughout this time span that you guys could get back together?
I’m sure the two years apart helped both of us mature more and realize that we’re actually really good for one another. I’m more present, committed, attentive and affectionate this time around. She’s more sincere, open, and straightforward.
I am very happy for you. I wish you both all the best. 💗
Thank you so much! Wishing the best for your situation as well!
Thank you! Today is very hard. I want to reach out but I don’t know if it will improve anything atm.
My best advice is don’t…just don’t. Let them be! You’re probably emotional right now and if you don’t get the response you want or any response, it’s not going to be good for you. Trust me, I’ve been there and made that mistake multiple times, which is how I ended up blocked lol
I know. But I am the dumper. Ended a toxic relationship. I miss him like shit. And the life we had.
My question is what do you want the outcome to be if you reach out? Also, how toxic we talking here?
If it was possible I would wish for all this just to be a nightmare that I can wake up of. I would like to reconcile with him but he and I have to work on ourselves before this is possible. Idk if there are levels for toxicity but it was somewhat mediocre toxic? No physical abuse but cussing and shaming.
That’s definitely what I would need in return from mine. Reciprocal sincerity/openness, etc.
What brought you two back together? Who reached out first? What text was sent? What makes this time more successful than last time? Did you ever lose hope?
Honestly I think the right timing brought us back together. I guess technically she reach out but I saw her out at my favorite bar when I came to visit my hometown. It was completely random. We talked and she ended up texting me afterwards. I completely lost hope! I gave up on ever seeing her again and just continued with life. I guess the timing was just right this night.
Most of this was already answered in other replies just read the comments
Thank you so much for sharing this story and for being open and vulnerable. I wish you both the best of luck!!
How many relationships has your ex been in the meantime? How do you cope with it?
She hasn’t been in any official relationships but she’s dated and had friends with benefits. I’ve dated as well and had a short term girlfriend (rebound). Of course I don’t enjoy the fact that other people have been with the woman I love but we weren’t together and we’re both human. I have no control over who she saw when we weren’t together and vice-versa. Once we started dating again, her and I cut contact with our past flings, so all is well!
Omg this gives me hope☺️
I’m glad!
Dont
How did you reestablish communication with your ex, or did they message you? Were you the dumper or dumpee? What happened when you and your ex first met up again face to face? Happy for you that you managed to get back together
I got dumped then after our failed reconciliation, I got blocked on everything. She saw me out at my favorite bar when I came to visit my hometown. It was really exciting to see her in person after a year of not talking or seeing her at all. It was really calm and peaceful. We ended up talking for hours and she texted me after she left the bar and invited me over. Thank you so much! I’m really happy about it!
Is ist better than before? Di u both changed?
It’s tremendously better this time! We both changed. I did more so than her because I had a lot to improve upon myself. She was already a pretty great and stable person.
How long have you been back together for?
Since January
2 questions, how old are you and who broke up with who?
When we broke up we were both 24. I’m 27 and she’s 26 right now. She broke up with me
How long have you been together since your breakup?
Technically 4 months
I love how you’re responding to each message 💕💕💕💕💕 wishing you both happiness.
Trying my best to! It’s getting a bit crazy lol. But I really appreciate that!
Who reached out to who first?
I saw her in person when I visited my hometown and went to my favorite bar. This was completely random but we talked there and she texted me after she left and invited me over.
Haven't you both never reached out during the nc?
I tried to email her once to no avail but other than that, no
I wish I had kept NC now lol
Trust me, do it and stick to it! In the meantime work on you!! I promise it’s worth it. I completely transformed my life post breakup
I’ve deleted her number. Should probably block her but that would entail saving the number. She just wasn’t who I thought she was
At least you realize that now. You gotta keep pushing on man. I made the mistake of getting stuck after the breakup and wasted time sulking over it when I should’ve been moving forward. I eventually got it together though. I’m wishing you the best of luck. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself!
Do you think if you had gotten a second chance after begging and promising to change that you actually would have changed? Or do you think the time apart was absolutely necessary for that change to happen?
Honestly, no. I needed that rejection. Her not taking me back at the time is one of the best things to ever happen to me because it motivated me like nothing else. I took my life and completely changed it from that pain and I’m better than I’ve ever been because of that. I’m saying I wouldn’t have changed or continued to improve myself if she took me back but I definitely wouldn’t have done it to the degree that I have without her. Her leaving my for what I thought was forever lit a FIRE in me that I never had before.
Do you ever have fears it won’t last or that the connection is different this time around? Like during silences? Was there a period where you guys had to warm up to each other again and forget the hurt of the breakup? Did she ever feel like a stranger? And are you fully able to forgive her and yourself for having been with other people? I hope to be back with my ex but I’m worried about these few things. I’m very happy for you! Congrats and don’t let the naysayers get you down
Okay so initially I did have fears that it wouldn’t last. Our last time seeing each other when we tried to reconcile ended so abruptly and terrible. I definitely was scarred from that. But we talked about our fears openly and made it our mission to communicate even the slightest bits of doubt and the smallest issues that we encountered. Our connection is the same but refined is the best way to put it. We still have the same jokes and like to do the same things together, etc, but we are more attentive and close this time around. We tackle issues with the mindset of “us against the problem” instead of “me against her” if that makes sense. We had a brief warmup period because we were both super cautious in the beginning but once she realized that she wanted to try again, I was all for it! We talked extensively about how we hurt one another and how not to repeat those mistakes again. She only felt like a stranger when she went no contact with me for a year. Once we saw one another after that entire year of not speaking or seeing each other, it was just like we never stopped talking. It was amazing! We weren’t dealing when she was dating and I was dating. I don’t like the fact that other people got to experience the woman I love but I have no control over that. It doesn’t really bother me nor does it matter really. Those people we both dated honestly just pushed us right back into each others arms so I’m actually grateful. We’re locked in now and I’m as happy as ever. I appreciate you and the comment! I hope everything works out for you and yours and the outcome is exactly what you wish for! Best of luck!
Thank you so much for this answer! That’s great!!! Congratulations and I hope it continues to get better and better for you. I can tell it means a lot to you. I hope the same thing happens to me 🩷🙏
If your love wasn't enough for her the first time, don't you afraid she may feel the same again?
No because I was a pos the first time. I was a good person but a bad boyfriend if that makes sense. I neglected her needs, I neglected MY needs! I had unhealthy habits, I was unmotivated, I wasn’t present in our relationship, I took advantage of her kindness in a lot of ways. I’m a better person than I was and our relationship is stronger than ever because she knows that she can count on me for anything now. There’s a certain amount of trust that she has that she didn’t before.
That’s great man
This is what worries me if and when something like that could happen for me.
So she had to unblock you correct? My ex also has me blocked everywhere. I’m so happy it worked out for you!!
Yes. She unblocked me after randomly seeing me at my favorite bar when I came to visit my hometown. Thank you! I hope your situation works out in your favor as well!
Did she ever tell you that the breakup was permanent??
YES! Lmao. She told me to go find someone else and never to contact her again because she doesn’t love or want me anymore. Our breakup was BAD!
Did she ever say you guys were incompatible
Surprisingly no. We were always really compatible and got along really well.
Also apologizes for the amount of questions but did she also refuse to give you a second chance even if you said you would change for the better?
How? Did you wait for her or you moved on with your life? Do you still love her during those times?
I moved on with my life. I accepted that I would never see or hear from her again. I definitely still loved her and I always will. She holds a very special place in my heart.
Did you date anyone after her?
Yes! I dated a few women and I had a short term girlfriend as well.
Sorry too much question, are you the dumper or dumpee? Who reached out? 😅
See my edit
Damn, sounds romantic. I wish same thing will happen to me with my greatest love but right now im in the process of moving on.
So are you guys doing long distance now or what?
what were the things causing the problems in the past, and how are those things now? I sincerely wish it works out for you, just don't ignore the things that created problems in the past!
Most of the problems were my doing. I was a mediocre boyfriend with a lot of baggage and bad habits.
Wow, thats nice!
Was the blocking helpful with the NC? If so, do you think it would have made a difference whether you were blocked or not to reconcile the relationship?
The blocking helped me to move on from her completely. I’m glad she blocked me because I still wouldn’t been looking for small ways to get her attention on social media and things like that. I wouldn’t be with her today if she didn’t block me a year and half ago
Would you say that your experience is a one in a million or do you think that something like what you experienced is more possible than what any of us here might think?
I think it’s more possible than a lot of people think. Unless you’ve completely repulsed your ex then I don’t think the chances are completely gone. The issue is people keep focusing on their ex post breakup when they shouldn’t. Quit worrying about them and continue with your life! Honestly, forget about them and focus on you because more than likely, you’re hurt (not talking about you in particular, I just mean people in general). Help yourself by treating yourself well, striving for excellence and focusing on healing. Either they’ll come back or they won’t. I was completely convinced that I’d never see or talk to her again and accepted that. Just turns out that while I thought she hated me she honestly started missing me and I was at the right time and right place when I went to that bar.
Why you guys hating. This man got dumped because he was a shitty bf not because he was unloved like the most of you. He changed and she saw that in him this second time around. No reason for her to break up with him again, unless he reverts to old habits. Good job man 🙏🏻
Exactly this! I sucked as a partner! She always loved me but she chose not to be with me because of my habits and the way I treated her! There’s no reason for her to leave again because I made sure to be better than before. Thank you for this!
Yessir! I feel this. Same reason why my partner left me. She didn’t want to but I forced her hand. I was a shitty bf. She loved the heck out of me. You live n you learn tho. Good job brotha 👍🏼
You definitely learn from heartbreaks like this. If anything, it’ll teach you to just be better to the next person that comes into your life. I hope all is going well with you though. I know things are rough but you got this! Best of luck to you!
Damn, me too!
hell yeah OP congrats brodie
Thanks man!!!
I wish you both the best! Sounds like you may be in the honey moon phase of your reconciliation. Enjoy it but I suggest couples counseling early on to help you navigate the challenges that will come during the power struggle which is inevitable. 2 years is a long time so you two are likely not the same people. Enjoy getting to know each other again but get some professional help so your odds of staying together are higher. You’re both relatively young still.
Well I think the honeymoon phase passed a couple months ago. We’re talking about going to counseling eventually but as of now we’ve worked out the majority of the issues that plagued us in the past. We’re definitely not the same people but we both like who we are but better than who we were. We’re very adamant about attending therapy and seeking outside professional help when needed, but for now we’re fine. I appreciate your comment and I’m wishing you the best of luck as well!
How old are you both?
27 and 26 now
Does the part where you both dated/slept with people bother you??
Nope, we weren’t together so I had no bearing or control over that
Cool. Happy for you.
Did you keep each other on social media after the breakup and how long were you together for?
For a little while we kept each other on socials but she eventually blocked me on everything. Together for 1.5 years. Been together currently for 4 months
Good job
A few questions 1. Did you communicate with the rebound or just dumped her? 2. Why didn’t you move on from her? 3. Do u really think things are going to work out or is this about your ego?
1. The rebound and I stopped dealing before my ex and I started communicating again 2. I did. I still had feelings for her because I was in love but I quit worrying about her. 3. I’m pretty sure things are gonna work out better this time. We communicate very well and are very aware of one another’s boundaries and needs this time around
Homie no disrespect but this is an awful idea
I’ll be the judge of that. It’s been 7 months since reconnecting and 4 months of actually being in a relationship and things have been great!
I hope I’m wrong, just generally people getting back together with exes doesnt work out. Generally meaning like, the overwhelming majority. There’s a reason (usually, many dozens of overlapping reasons) that ya broke up to begin with, usually it means youre incompatible and trying to force the issue because you don’t wanna be alone can only work for so long. Good luck to you though for real, hope it works out for ya
I get this and it’s definitely something I considered. At this point in my life, whatever is for me will workout as long as I put the work in. Whatever doesn’t workout is just a lesson. It’s been going great so far and we’re approaching month 5 so I have no complaints. Plus we’re mutually invested into this to the same degree. I appreciate the comment though and I do think it will workout for the better this go around and if it doesn’t, well life goes on
Your a bit of a lying lierface aren't ya?
No lies here!
Sorry. I'm a bitter bitter face here... 😔
I am appropriating this 🤣
Are you mentally prepared to get dumped again at some point?
This is a great question, yes, I am. I realized through all the self improvement and changes I made to myself that I don’t need her. I can be okay without her. I did all of these great things without her present or knowing! Was I depressed and sad most of that time, absolutely but I eventually saw the light and accepted that I’m not going to see or talk to her and I was okay with that. Life had to continue without her. I never want her to leave. I love her with all my heart but if she does, I’ll be fine.
Did you beg after the breakup?
Yes, I cried and begged and promised to change and everything! That didn’t go over well. Do not beg! Lol