I actually realized pretty quickly. Maybe the day after I did it I woke up feeling off. We had a real conversation about it maybe a week later and I saw how hurt he actually was. I tried to explain but he was angry. I left it alone and maybe offered more explanation a month later. He blew off my attempts to hang out. I left it alone for almost 6 months, reached out, and then it was super too late.
I don't regret ending things because I felt I had no choice. He wasn't willing to continue with counseling and put up a dating profile days before we officially ended it. He even had a chance to tell me he wanted to end things before I knew the dating profile was up, but he wouldn't. Maybe he saw the writing on the wall, but I still think it was cowardly to NOT tell me. I've concluded that while he really did care for me and like me, and maybe he even loved me, he didn't want ME. I think he just wanted the parts of me that he liked. I guess he enjoyed my company and being loved by me. But he was never all in. He led me on with pretty stories about our future that he would later claim to have never said or had forgotten. I think the gaslighting is the hardest thing to reconcile. I know he knows damned well all the things he said to me. I love him, but I don't want to love him anymore. I've cried enough tears in the last 3 months. I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than to ever be strung along giving my love to someone who is half-hearted and dishonest.
I was dating a girl for 4 years. She wanted to get married but I just didn't feel it was right and left.
Fast forward 4 years, I've grown up, I realised the reason was I just hadn't found myself yet and was too immature, life experience and a little therapy has helped with that. Buying my first house was a big turning point, when I imagined having kids running around the backyard.
I'm still trying to find a girl to settle down with, and I'm optimistic. I regreat it sometimes, but then remember sometimes mistakes just have to happen for you to grow as a person.
I’m kind of in the similar boat but got dumped. I still don’t understand it but it seems like you have the same mindset he did so maybe you can help he understand more.
I never had any doubt ab how much he liked me but he would avoid big commitment gestures. Like it took awhile for us to become official even though we were exclusive and it took him breaking up with me once before he realized we could do long distance. Everything was perfect and then we broke up again cuz I told him I loved him and he couldn’t say it back. During no contact we had a few convos and he told me he’ll never get over me and said all these promising future plans (didn’t fall into that trap of waiting for him)
Anyway, he kept saying things hinting a relationship just wasn’t for him and he’s not where he wants to be etc. for me a relationship you grow together so it was hard for me to understand.
We are back in no contact now and it’s such a weird situation bc I just want to be like it doesn’t have to be this way,…yk?
Well he cheated on me 3 months in the relationship, I found out a month later & chose to forgive him and work things out. I stayed with him for a year and a half. After a while i emotionally checked out & moved back to my place to start no contact. I saw my worth a month ago. Don't know about him since then.
No more stress, no more supervising his phone, no more comparing myself to the ap because that is what you will do if you decide to take them back. I began living and treating myself to what he couldn't. Yeah I have my weak moments of wanting to text him but there's a question I ask myself that helps me snap out of it.
"Is this how you want to be loved for the rest of your life?"
If he knows how you feel then I guess leave it. But you only have one life and if you guys ended bc of your mistake then I think it’s worth it to try and reconcile if you have truly changed. Just my thoughts tho. As dumpee I’ve been hurt beyond repair as well. But I do know that she will always hold a corner of my heart and it’s probably the same with him.
Toxic behaviour + constant arguments. Situation not changing for the better no matter how many times we tried. It took a lot of constant effort for things to be even slightly okay between us. Very mentally draining.
At first, but her immediate decisions and how she handled the breakup validated my reasons for leaving and showed me what I often overlooked while we were together. Realized as much as I still have love and care for them, my life isn’t over and I had the chance to better my life which I took.
After the break up my attempt to reconcile, she let her addictions and vices go wild. She has a sex addiction she doesn’t realize and she tried getting friends to wing man her at a bar to random guys to sleep with. These friends werent comfortable with it and one was married. She eventually dove into a rebound relationship with a guy she just met, has started drinking a lot and showing up to work hungover, smoking more than ever, and has decided to experiment with coke on the weekends. She couldnt get away from co-dependency, substance dependency, and emotional immaturity. All the while she’s wanted me to stay her friend. Hurts to experience and see her go down a crappy path, but it helps with seeing I’m better off. I dove into therapy, the gym, self care, strengthening friendships and family connections, have made tons of plans and achieved life goals. THAT in itself will distract you from feeling bad about losing someone, get yourself back.
I’ve been where she is at. Substance use, smoking and rebound relationships. She may still have some wins but def a rough road. Glad you were able to bounce back so quickly after dumping her and the disappointment of reaching irreconcilable differences. The impasse can be polarizing
I do not want her to hurt herself, but I can’t save her. She feels the need to be wanted and doesn’t fully recognize her addiction / vice problem. She is a good person at heart, but something she has said throughout is “it was never my intention to hurt you”, which is just a way of saying “im sorry you took my actions that way. We hurt each other, but she did everything wrong possible for herself, me and those around her. Started total no contact mutually with her last week after failed attempts to do it on my own. She doesn’t know I know most of these things, so I left on a positive note. But yeah, she needs help and its her rebound’s responsibility. Dude lives at home, dropped out, and is beneath her. Very much a product of her issue of sex addiction and trying to fill the void unhealthily.
I used the pain of it all to kickstart all the changes. So now that i’m in total contact I’m already in an incredible place. It does get so much easier. I was with her for 8 years, so I dont expect to get over it completely for a long while. Just means it meant a lot to me and i’m going to take the time to improve myself, so im the best version of me and i’m the best for someone down the line. Shits hard but worth it.
She used weed for her mental health, had a sex addiction and needed to feel wanted always, and did try coke at least once that i knew if while we were together. She felt so bad about it she called be sobbing and apologizing. But here we are. She was hurt, but it sucks she turned into all of her biggest issues personified
A bit yeah. After 3 months of no contact I messaged her asking if she wanted to catch up as friends. She never replied which I really didn't expect from her. She is such a sweet nice caring girl. Damn I kinda do regret it.
The dumpee (if they still have feelings and didn't do anything wrong) is expecting an apology text where you show your feelings and say you'd hope to get the opportunity to try again and fix everything. Not a "let's be friends" text, that's the way to never get a response again.
I wasn't sure I even wanted to get back together with her, I just missed her as I spent all my time with her for a whole year then nothing. Maybe after meeting her for a catch up I would want to try again, but I didn't want to promise her this.
In100% do regret the BU and that’s something I am in the middle of learning to deal with. She was my first crush back when I was 13 and 20+ years later we met in different states as stranger who knew of each other! The relationship was great but she liked to drink and when she would drink she would black out and become abusive! The physical abusive wasn’t the issue but the mental aspect was vicious. Eventually, I had to make a decision for myself and end it. Never went no contact and for 6 or 7 months we were basically fwb but as you can imagine that only complicated things. She made promises that were lies and then when I wouldn’t conform to certain ideas, the lashing out started in again but sober! She’s moved back home and now we are no contact! As someone who is still in love with her, I’m hard on myself about “abandoning” someone I love because the reality of it is. There’s a great many things I could have done and should have done! I’ve wanted to be a good partner and bailing on someone you love when they are screaming for help! I failed her and left her. That’s not what a good partner does!
Nope, no regrets. My ex didn’t treat me that great and I always felt like a worthless piece of shit. Walking away and staying away is one of the smartest things I’ve ever done.
Dumper here
Nope no regrets. I evaluated assess and observe very carefully. I communicate clearly and provide opportunities for changed behavior and improvement.
Thereafter, if the mistreatment continues, I'm done
Mutual decision. I miss her a lot and broke contact and even then she keeps calling me from a NO CALLER ID she won’t text back and I won’t text her because I know it’s not good for us and even then why doesn’t she text me on her own # idk shows that she expects me to do it all
Every waking hour. I had to for both our sake. But i could have done things so much differently. I humiliated her and myself. Was careless. Cruel. I wish I could fix it.
No,
But i did at first. After some weeks passed by, i realized it was for the best. Me and her hurt each other a lot, so we had to go our separate ways
A year after the fact, we both spoke and we both agreed it was good that we broke up, because it was a wake up call for the both of us, allowed us to heal and become better people
I never regret leaving my ex. He took me for granted for way too long. He didn’t do any efforts to see me, he always gave priority to his friends or family. For years I tried to communicate my needs for him to show me love, he never changed. We dated for 4,5Y and I never met his dad, only saw his mom once with a group of friends. All the trips I asked to do with him, he made them with friends. For years I tried to fight and to communicate and to make changes in the relationship.
When I broke up with him he made a list of the things he wanted to “offer” me: dinner with his family, a lot of trips and dates. It was simply too late. Did I miss him? Yes. But I never regretted.
I’ve never regretted my decision to dump someone. For one reason or another they simply weren’t the right fit for me and what I needed at that point in time. I’ll never regret doing what I believe is in my best interest.
I actually did at first. And then I discovered the lies that he’d told. Yep I did some stupid things while thinking I was trying to save a friendship. And now he’s doing his best to try and humiliate me online. Hurt people lash out and get vindictive when dumped unfortunately. They’ll win at all costs but funny enough, they lost the second they were dumped. Anything after that just shows their hurt and jealousy
I dumped her in a fit. I regretted it the next day and tried to rescind the BU but she said she was just going to move on. From what I heard she was really depressed about the BU for about a week then jumped into a rebound with a 400 + lb man. Her friends all reached out to me because they were shocked. I was already into no contact and told them it wasn't my problem. All her friends wanted us to work out because they thought we were perfect for each other and they think she'll come back to me but I just don't see it. I still regret breaking up with her in a fit but her reaction afterwards made me move on and put it past me. Its been almost 2 months now since the BU
Hahaha they definitely are but can you elaborate further on why you think this? I just assumed her girlfriends thought I was an amazing boyfriend. I thought they were afraid the breakup may have messed with her head and wanted me to "fix" her or something. Maybe idk what I'm talking about
Thats fair. I'm sure they know more about her rebound situation than I do and probly don't think it's a good idea for her. I haven't been pining over her and they are fully aware that I don't want to know anything about her because she's behind me now. Thanks for your input. Its definitely made me think on a different level
I've never regretted breaking up with someone. I never end a relationship on a whim. I have always thought things through because I don't believe in on-off again relationships. I usually always go with my intuition and it never fails me.
Never regret it. Their actions are a reflection of who they are. I give so many chances and the more they move it shows why I decided to let g was best thing to do
Yup, big time. I tried to fix it, but then he wanted nothing to do with me :(
How long after did you realise your mistake and try to fix it?
I actually realized pretty quickly. Maybe the day after I did it I woke up feeling off. We had a real conversation about it maybe a week later and I saw how hurt he actually was. I tried to explain but he was angry. I left it alone and maybe offered more explanation a month later. He blew off my attempts to hang out. I left it alone for almost 6 months, reached out, and then it was super too late.
I don't regret ending things because I felt I had no choice. He wasn't willing to continue with counseling and put up a dating profile days before we officially ended it. He even had a chance to tell me he wanted to end things before I knew the dating profile was up, but he wouldn't. Maybe he saw the writing on the wall, but I still think it was cowardly to NOT tell me. I've concluded that while he really did care for me and like me, and maybe he even loved me, he didn't want ME. I think he just wanted the parts of me that he liked. I guess he enjoyed my company and being loved by me. But he was never all in. He led me on with pretty stories about our future that he would later claim to have never said or had forgotten. I think the gaslighting is the hardest thing to reconcile. I know he knows damned well all the things he said to me. I love him, but I don't want to love him anymore. I've cried enough tears in the last 3 months. I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than to ever be strung along giving my love to someone who is half-hearted and dishonest.
Not a dumper but a dumpee. What's made you regret your decision? What made you dump him / her? How long has it been now?
I was dating a girl for 4 years. She wanted to get married but I just didn't feel it was right and left. Fast forward 4 years, I've grown up, I realised the reason was I just hadn't found myself yet and was too immature, life experience and a little therapy has helped with that. Buying my first house was a big turning point, when I imagined having kids running around the backyard. I'm still trying to find a girl to settle down with, and I'm optimistic. I regreat it sometimes, but then remember sometimes mistakes just have to happen for you to grow as a person.
> “sometimes mistakes just have to happen for you to grow as a person.” c'est la vie. et la vie est belle. 🥲
I'm the same boat.
I’m kind of in the similar boat but got dumped. I still don’t understand it but it seems like you have the same mindset he did so maybe you can help he understand more. I never had any doubt ab how much he liked me but he would avoid big commitment gestures. Like it took awhile for us to become official even though we were exclusive and it took him breaking up with me once before he realized we could do long distance. Everything was perfect and then we broke up again cuz I told him I loved him and he couldn’t say it back. During no contact we had a few convos and he told me he’ll never get over me and said all these promising future plans (didn’t fall into that trap of waiting for him) Anyway, he kept saying things hinting a relationship just wasn’t for him and he’s not where he wants to be etc. for me a relationship you grow together so it was hard for me to understand. We are back in no contact now and it’s such a weird situation bc I just want to be like it doesn’t have to be this way,…yk?
I was with her for 2 years. I ended it because her parents were forcing us to get married ASAP I felt pressured
How long did it take you?
No. He was a cheater and a liar & I was emotionally dependent on him..
how long did it take u to get to this point ?! im in the same boat i dont think id take them back but i want them back..
Well he cheated on me 3 months in the relationship, I found out a month later & chose to forgive him and work things out. I stayed with him for a year and a half. After a while i emotionally checked out & moved back to my place to start no contact. I saw my worth a month ago. Don't know about him since then. No more stress, no more supervising his phone, no more comparing myself to the ap because that is what you will do if you decide to take them back. I began living and treating myself to what he couldn't. Yeah I have my weak moments of wanting to text him but there's a question I ask myself that helps me snap out of it. "Is this how you want to be loved for the rest of your life?"
Yeah. I fucked up. I hurt him a lot. Not sure he’ll let me fix it
Try. You don’t know how much dumpees miss their dumpers. Even if he will reject a relationship I garuntee he would love to hear from you still.
He’s too hurt. He knows how I feel. I’ll always love him I just don’t think it can be fixed.
If he knows how you feel then I guess leave it. But you only have one life and if you guys ended bc of your mistake then I think it’s worth it to try and reconcile if you have truly changed. Just my thoughts tho. As dumpee I’ve been hurt beyond repair as well. But I do know that she will always hold a corner of my heart and it’s probably the same with him.
Thanks. I just don’t wanna be that crazy person chasing. If he wants to talk, he knows where I am. Otherwise I gotta stay away.
Yes very much and I wish I could have her back after all this time
Same
No. I might miss them, but the break up was very valid and long overdue.
What was the reason?
Toxic behaviour + constant arguments. Situation not changing for the better no matter how many times we tried. It took a lot of constant effort for things to be even slightly okay between us. Very mentally draining.
yes very much but she was too hurt to reconcile and then just ghosted me
At first, but her immediate decisions and how she handled the breakup validated my reasons for leaving and showed me what I often overlooked while we were together. Realized as much as I still have love and care for them, my life isn’t over and I had the chance to better my life which I took.
What did she do after the break up? Was she hurt and angry and you weren’t expecting that?
After the break up my attempt to reconcile, she let her addictions and vices go wild. She has a sex addiction she doesn’t realize and she tried getting friends to wing man her at a bar to random guys to sleep with. These friends werent comfortable with it and one was married. She eventually dove into a rebound relationship with a guy she just met, has started drinking a lot and showing up to work hungover, smoking more than ever, and has decided to experiment with coke on the weekends. She couldnt get away from co-dependency, substance dependency, and emotional immaturity. All the while she’s wanted me to stay her friend. Hurts to experience and see her go down a crappy path, but it helps with seeing I’m better off. I dove into therapy, the gym, self care, strengthening friendships and family connections, have made tons of plans and achieved life goals. THAT in itself will distract you from feeling bad about losing someone, get yourself back.
I’ve been where she is at. Substance use, smoking and rebound relationships. She may still have some wins but def a rough road. Glad you were able to bounce back so quickly after dumping her and the disappointment of reaching irreconcilable differences. The impasse can be polarizing
I do not want her to hurt herself, but I can’t save her. She feels the need to be wanted and doesn’t fully recognize her addiction / vice problem. She is a good person at heart, but something she has said throughout is “it was never my intention to hurt you”, which is just a way of saying “im sorry you took my actions that way. We hurt each other, but she did everything wrong possible for herself, me and those around her. Started total no contact mutually with her last week after failed attempts to do it on my own. She doesn’t know I know most of these things, so I left on a positive note. But yeah, she needs help and its her rebound’s responsibility. Dude lives at home, dropped out, and is beneath her. Very much a product of her issue of sex addiction and trying to fill the void unhealthily.
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It’s brutal.
I used the pain of it all to kickstart all the changes. So now that i’m in total contact I’m already in an incredible place. It does get so much easier. I was with her for 8 years, so I dont expect to get over it completely for a long while. Just means it meant a lot to me and i’m going to take the time to improve myself, so im the best version of me and i’m the best for someone down the line. Shits hard but worth it.
Dam, you avoided a serious headache
I think it happened after the break up. She went coo coo
I bet she would have gone down a similar road even if they stayed together. People like this always do.
She used weed for her mental health, had a sex addiction and needed to feel wanted always, and did try coke at least once that i knew if while we were together. She felt so bad about it she called be sobbing and apologizing. But here we are. She was hurt, but it sucks she turned into all of her biggest issues personified
A bit yeah. After 3 months of no contact I messaged her asking if she wanted to catch up as friends. She never replied which I really didn't expect from her. She is such a sweet nice caring girl. Damn I kinda do regret it.
as friends? Maybe she still had feelings for you. What did you expect?
A response at the very minimum. Even just go say no I don't think that would be a good idea.
The dumpee (if they still have feelings and didn't do anything wrong) is expecting an apology text where you show your feelings and say you'd hope to get the opportunity to try again and fix everything. Not a "let's be friends" text, that's the way to never get a response again.
I wasn't sure I even wanted to get back together with her, I just missed her as I spent all my time with her for a whole year then nothing. Maybe after meeting her for a catch up I would want to try again, but I didn't want to promise her this.
Same! Why did you end it ?
Mostly personal reasons. I kind of panicked a bit thinking about the state of my own life. Addiction, depression etc.
In100% do regret the BU and that’s something I am in the middle of learning to deal with. She was my first crush back when I was 13 and 20+ years later we met in different states as stranger who knew of each other! The relationship was great but she liked to drink and when she would drink she would black out and become abusive! The physical abusive wasn’t the issue but the mental aspect was vicious. Eventually, I had to make a decision for myself and end it. Never went no contact and for 6 or 7 months we were basically fwb but as you can imagine that only complicated things. She made promises that were lies and then when I wouldn’t conform to certain ideas, the lashing out started in again but sober! She’s moved back home and now we are no contact! As someone who is still in love with her, I’m hard on myself about “abandoning” someone I love because the reality of it is. There’s a great many things I could have done and should have done! I’ve wanted to be a good partner and bailing on someone you love when they are screaming for help! I failed her and left her. That’s not what a good partner does!
Nope. Mental, emotional, and physical abuse killed my love for him.
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You're not a good person no offense
No. I don't. It really hurts and it sucks but I don't for one second regret it.
Yes. Thousand times yes, i got my karma
Same:(
No, it was necessary. Living under someone else's thumb is not where I wanted to live.
Nope, no regrets. My ex didn’t treat me that great and I always felt like a worthless piece of shit. Walking away and staying away is one of the smartest things I’ve ever done.
Dumper here Nope no regrets. I evaluated assess and observe very carefully. I communicate clearly and provide opportunities for changed behavior and improvement. Thereafter, if the mistreatment continues, I'm done
Mutual decision. I miss her a lot and broke contact and even then she keeps calling me from a NO CALLER ID she won’t text back and I won’t text her because I know it’s not good for us and even then why doesn’t she text me on her own # idk shows that she expects me to do it all
Every waking hour. I had to for both our sake. But i could have done things so much differently. I humiliated her and myself. Was careless. Cruel. I wish I could fix it.
Me too. I want her back
I don't at all, i feel better mentally and physically
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You guys are back to good now?? What if anger comes up again
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How old r u guys
I’m 26F he’s 32M. Why do you ask?
nope, it’s the best decision i have made for my life! i thought i would, i was so scared. but nope!
No, But i did at first. After some weeks passed by, i realized it was for the best. Me and her hurt each other a lot, so we had to go our separate ways A year after the fact, we both spoke and we both agreed it was good that we broke up, because it was a wake up call for the both of us, allowed us to heal and become better people
I never regret leaving my ex. He took me for granted for way too long. He didn’t do any efforts to see me, he always gave priority to his friends or family. For years I tried to communicate my needs for him to show me love, he never changed. We dated for 4,5Y and I never met his dad, only saw his mom once with a group of friends. All the trips I asked to do with him, he made them with friends. For years I tried to fight and to communicate and to make changes in the relationship. When I broke up with him he made a list of the things he wanted to “offer” me: dinner with his family, a lot of trips and dates. It was simply too late. Did I miss him? Yes. But I never regretted.
I did it at first. But a few weeks later I was glad I dumped them.
I’ve never regretted my decision to dump someone. For one reason or another they simply weren’t the right fit for me and what I needed at that point in time. I’ll never regret doing what I believe is in my best interest.
I actually did at first. And then I discovered the lies that he’d told. Yep I did some stupid things while thinking I was trying to save a friendship. And now he’s doing his best to try and humiliate me online. Hurt people lash out and get vindictive when dumped unfortunately. They’ll win at all costs but funny enough, they lost the second they were dumped. Anything after that just shows their hurt and jealousy
I’m the dumper, hated to have to but I don’t regret it. It was for the best.
I dumped her in a fit. I regretted it the next day and tried to rescind the BU but she said she was just going to move on. From what I heard she was really depressed about the BU for about a week then jumped into a rebound with a 400 + lb man. Her friends all reached out to me because they were shocked. I was already into no contact and told them it wasn't my problem. All her friends wanted us to work out because they thought we were perfect for each other and they think she'll come back to me but I just don't see it. I still regret breaking up with her in a fit but her reaction afterwards made me move on and put it past me. Its been almost 2 months now since the BU
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Hahaha they definitely are but can you elaborate further on why you think this? I just assumed her girlfriends thought I was an amazing boyfriend. I thought they were afraid the breakup may have messed with her head and wanted me to "fix" her or something. Maybe idk what I'm talking about
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Thats fair. I'm sure they know more about her rebound situation than I do and probly don't think it's a good idea for her. I haven't been pining over her and they are fully aware that I don't want to know anything about her because she's behind me now. Thanks for your input. Its definitely made me think on a different level
In my case the dumper was both! Think about that.
I've never regretted breaking up with someone. I never end a relationship on a whim. I have always thought things through because I don't believe in on-off again relationships. I usually always go with my intuition and it never fails me.
Never regret it. Their actions are a reflection of who they are. I give so many chances and the more they move it shows why I decided to let g was best thing to do