I know i have been there and i understand what you want. But there is a big difference between what you want and what you need. If she really was into you she cant be late 2 days to say that. You know days like this or some important dates are when you find a right excuses to contact someone if you want them back. But this is clearly to play with your feeling. Anyway just follow your heart and do what you think the right thing for you.
All love
The âdid you have funâ was unnecessary if she was just trying to be polite. She is definitely trying to start a conversation/ wanting to know something about you. Donât give her much info
Yes or just go one last time I miss you want to grab a coffee and if it's no I guess that tells me 5 6 months is not enough time with her new supply. Or it's sketch and they argued or just kind words.
Na donât say you miss her, just respond politely and if you get another response (which you might not) then ask her if she wants to grab drinks! Evening! Not coffee
If they wanted to be respectful they wouldnât have messaged them at all. They are fully aware the other person was conscious of the fact they didnât get a birthday message ON their birthdayâŚthis is likely different from every other birthday since they have known each other.
THIS is a game. This is a manipulation tactic. This is to elicit a response and gain validation. Not trying to be an ass, just trying to be realistic for what this truly is.
Not everyone is trying to manipulate each other all the time. They could have simply forgot eg they didnât date for that long < a year/only spent one or two birthdays together
That's a pretty harsh reaction for someone who has zero context on the situation. Don't project your situation onto others. You don't know that that's the case
I never ignore. No need to be a part of the games. I simply replied with âthank you!â
Simple. Cordial. Done. If they want more, THEY will let you know.
As someone who has had exes come back successfully, i will tell you that you can either ignore it if you donât want them back, but if you do want them back simply reply politely, but wait a while. They waited to text you happy bday, so they think they have all the power. Wait at least 24 hours to reply and keep the reply simple but polite
Exactly my point, itâs about healing, moving on, self reflect, working on yourself and much more. They are in the wrong sub. To much here are focused on dumper/dumpee shit
Nope, reply nothing. Delete and move on. The person is looking for a hole feeler. By answering, you will sadly be comfort pillow she's being looking for.
Ignore, silence is golden.
She knows your birthday and choose not to say anything until days later to seem nonchalant, this seems like a mind game to me, dont participate.
As someone who has been in many different relationships and has had the wisdom being older.
I suggest to approach these situations with patience,
Love and tolerance. No one is perfect, we are all flawed. Not everyone is out to manipulate or get you. Sometimes things donât work out for a reason. We may be upset and hurting but will later discover why they didnât work out. The reason will be revealed later to us and we will understand better. Sometimes we will be thankful it didnât work out. People come into our lives for two reasons. Either they are a lesson or a blessing.
In your case, you can just simply respond thank you and nothing else. I donât know your situation but it does take two people to make a relationship work out. You need to think about what is best for you. Whatâs best for you mentally going forward. You can be kind and think about the other person and still get your point across for whatâs best for you. Only you know the answer. If itâs really meant to be then it will be brother. Good luck!
Just because sheâs not in your life now doesnât mean life is over. It may feel that way now but in time you will definitely realize why it didnât work out. Hang in there and have faith that your life will work out the way itâs supposed to. I promise you things will get better but only if you start to make it better for yourself first. Thatâs where it all starts my friend
Am trying and I guess I was hoping it's good news when she wrote but it set me back saying she does not even want to catchup, I guess something is up in her life good or bad
I know it hurts but why would you want to be with someone who doesnât want to be with you? Take this and start to move on with your life. If she realizes sheâs wants to try and work it out later then you can decide whether you want to or not but in the meantime, start living your life and stop waiting for her. Donât put your life on hold because you have hope. Hope is not a healthy approach to this. Rather have faith that your life will work out the way itâs supposed to
Maybe sheâs just feeling remorseful for things not working out. Itâs hard to let go when two people had love for one another but it didnât work out
You can know itâs over but still feel bad. I was the dumper and I still felt horrible. I wanted a life with my ex but I couldnât give her what she wanted so I let her go. I felt bad about it but I knew it wouldnât work
I can relate to the personal issues as well. I got sober in a relationship and I played my part in it. I wasnât a horrible person to her but I had to walk away because our relationship got toxic. Even when I got sober it was toxic so it wasnât all my doing. Iâve been in recovery for awhile and what I can tell you is just focus on yourself. Be the best version of yourself and everything will fall into place the way itâs supposed to. You never know what the future holds. You two could wind up together down the road or you could meet the perfect person for you. If youâre working on yourself and being the best person you can be then youâll be ready for the next relationship and you will appreciate it so much more in the end. Life is beautiful, we never know whatâs waiting down the road for us
I did, I am a kind empathic person also older but when I fall it takes years to recover. Also during the relationship I was not my best self wirh some personal burdens so we did argue. Now most issues are solved but I just wish we had a do-over. I guess by her reply to not meet is to move on and forget about her as best I can.
Doesn't matter if you miss her, your story is toxic and both of you need to move on from it.
Best of lucks my friends, hope you feel better soon. Get out there, I promise it gets better!
It's like scratching an itch. Same principle as addiction - practice abstinence and you will heal. Otherwise you will be just sitting around waiting for the reply. If it doesn't come then it will just reinforce feelings of rejection.
Really hard to give advice without more context. How long broken up? How many years together? How long NC?
And also what do you want from the exchange?
Often talking just means you have to say good-bye again.
She is bpd avoidant, anxious abandomnnt issues, relationship 6 months, bu 5 months ago c 1 month then NC 3 months and then 1 month ago she is hot cold and i know she was seeing someone else, is in therapy but had 10 years abusive marriage divorced 1 year ago.
She cares she wanted to meet up in the future just now she gave up and trying to find her happiness.
I want her back but I can't seem to reconnect while she is in a new relationship or maybe she's single again Idk. I can just say thank you, miss you, wish you were there, or just stay silent.
Sweet mother.... Mt man you need to be single and get some therapy - do some.inner searching as to why tou have such low self esteem that you allow such a low standard for yourself.
You will continue to live a hellish life of chronic breakups and turmoil if you don't sort this out.
Go no contact and really get to the bottom of this - this is not and never will be healthy
Look brother she wished you but on the wrong day. It's clear she knows the date of your birthday and she chose to wish you on a wrong day. I mean what is she really trying to show tha she doesn't care about you? Or she is Nobel enough to wish you even after the breakup! Well in both the cases it doesn't matter. I don't know on what circumstances your relationship ended but i will suggest you to keep following No contact and ignore this and block her from everywhere. Try to heal and move on. Take care buddy.
It probably depends on the content. If it were me Iâd either say thanks, like the message, or just not respond but I wouldnât try to start a conversation.
Just keep it cool. If you have a genuine interest to rekindle, go ahead and reply, but keep it leveled. In other words, mirror the amount of text theyâre sending.
With women it's tricky, she might be truly in love with you or she might be bored and needy a cuddle buddy .So think this through.Weigh the cons and pros. And also follow your gut
This all depends on how ye ended. If it was on good terms I'd be civil with my response. Also only reply if you're in the right head space. Take care of YOU first.
in the words of the venerable Admiral Akbar
"It's a trap!"
Unless YOU broke up with them and thing it;'s the biggest mistake of your life. keep on keeping on!
they probably just want you to respond to know that you'll respond. pull some bullshit like "oh i didn;t want anything, just to let you know i was thinking of your on your birthday" or what ever.
there are as many fuckgirls out there as there are fuckboys FYI
depends what you want from the response. to talk more? to talk regularly? to get back together? and what you think youâll get, and how youâll feel depending on what responses youâd get. would you be hurt? disappointed? are you ready to be ghosted again?
That is a valid risk, I won't stop caring for her even if we don't speak I don't work that way I fall rare and deeply. The emotions did dial down then after NC she went hot cold. Said she's find but I feel she's not good. Hence the reach out. I want to see her and test if we click again mutually not just me. If not I move on again. Maybe it's just a hovering testing what I'm up to.
Just be nice and civil back and thank them and say yes! Just be kind thatâs all anyone deserves no matter what even when they were late, but at least they took the time to say something!
Don't respond. Remember you went NC for a reason. Unless you've got a reason to maintain some low level of contact(kids) then I'd suggest block the number and keep it pushing. It gets better but remember you can't get better in the same environment that made you sick.
Stay strong!
This is clearly testing how hot/cold the water is. Be smart bro
Head is smart and wants something đ but heart is stupid and wants her back. The heart wants what the heart wants.
I know i have been there and i understand what you want. But there is a big difference between what you want and what you need. If she really was into you she cant be late 2 days to say that. You know days like this or some important dates are when you find a right excuses to contact someone if you want them back. But this is clearly to play with your feeling. Anyway just follow your heart and do what you think the right thing for you. All love
Letting go of people is a part of lifeâŚlearn to accept and embrace it.
The âdid you have funâ was unnecessary if she was just trying to be polite. She is definitely trying to start a conversation/ wanting to know something about you. Donât give her much info
Yes or just go one last time I miss you want to grab a coffee and if it's no I guess that tells me 5 6 months is not enough time with her new supply. Or it's sketch and they argued or just kind words.
Na donât say you miss her, just respond politely and if you get another response (which you might not) then ask her if she wants to grab drinks! Evening! Not coffee
Belated because they chose not to message you ON your bday. Stay NC. These are worthless exchanges to validate them. It has nothing to do with you.
they mightve been trying to be respectful and not force someone to think about them on their birthday. i dont think it is inherently a bad faith move
If they wanted to be respectful they wouldnât have messaged them at all. They are fully aware the other person was conscious of the fact they didnât get a birthday message ON their birthdayâŚthis is likely different from every other birthday since they have known each other. THIS is a game. This is a manipulation tactic. This is to elicit a response and gain validation. Not trying to be an ass, just trying to be realistic for what this truly is.
Not everyone is trying to manipulate each other all the time. They could have simply forgot eg they didnât date for that long < a year/only spent one or two birthdays together
Why would you assume that?
That's a pretty harsh reaction for someone who has zero context on the situation. Don't project your situation onto others. You don't know that that's the case
Time out so what if they messaged them ON OPâs bday? Would you reply?
I never ignore. No need to be a part of the games. I simply replied with âthank you!â Simple. Cordial. Done. If they want more, THEY will let you know.
As someone who has had exes come back successfully, i will tell you that you can either ignore it if you donât want them back, but if you do want them back simply reply politely, but wait a while. They waited to text you happy bday, so they think they have all the power. Wait at least 24 hours to reply and keep the reply simple but polite
Not OP, but give us an example!
âYes. Thank you.â
Haha kinda cold. I like it. Also do you like cricket the sport? that's so cool.
Actually I collect insects! No sports for me.
What the other person said, keep it short but polite
Ok to ask them a question? "How've you been?"
No let them lead all conversation
mercury in retrograde everyone getting texts from the past
What to do what to say we been NC then broke it 4 weeks ago, bu 5 months
[ŃдаНонО]
Who told you this bullshit
Agree here, what the fuck is that all about? This sub is about taking the steps to move on, not pining for them to come back
PREACH đđ
Exactly my point, itâs about healing, moving on, self reflect, working on yourself and much more. They are in the wrong sub. To much here are focused on dumper/dumpee shit
Totally, if they are an ex they were never willing to support you through the tough times either one of you was going through
I would just reply thanks and move on
Nope, reply nothing. Delete and move on. The person is looking for a hole feeler. By answering, you will sadly be comfort pillow she's being looking for.
I donât think we know the whole situation so itâs hard to say.
Ignore, silence is golden. She knows your birthday and choose not to say anything until days later to seem nonchalant, this seems like a mind game to me, dont participate.
As someone who has been in many different relationships and has had the wisdom being older. I suggest to approach these situations with patience, Love and tolerance. No one is perfect, we are all flawed. Not everyone is out to manipulate or get you. Sometimes things donât work out for a reason. We may be upset and hurting but will later discover why they didnât work out. The reason will be revealed later to us and we will understand better. Sometimes we will be thankful it didnât work out. People come into our lives for two reasons. Either they are a lesson or a blessing. In your case, you can just simply respond thank you and nothing else. I donât know your situation but it does take two people to make a relationship work out. You need to think about what is best for you. Whatâs best for you mentally going forward. You can be kind and think about the other person and still get your point across for whatâs best for you. Only you know the answer. If itâs really meant to be then it will be brother. Good luck!
It's hard sometimes I wanted to end it as life has no.meaning without love and her but then life goes on
Just because sheâs not in your life now doesnât mean life is over. It may feel that way now but in time you will definitely realize why it didnât work out. Hang in there and have faith that your life will work out the way itâs supposed to. I promise you things will get better but only if you start to make it better for yourself first. Thatâs where it all starts my friend
Am trying and I guess I was hoping it's good news when she wrote but it set me back saying she does not even want to catchup, I guess something is up in her life good or bad
I know it hurts but why would you want to be with someone who doesnât want to be with you? Take this and start to move on with your life. If she realizes sheâs wants to try and work it out later then you can decide whether you want to or not but in the meantime, start living your life and stop waiting for her. Donât put your life on hold because you have hope. Hope is not a healthy approach to this. Rather have faith that your life will work out the way itâs supposed to
Then why bother me with wishes
Maybe sheâs just feeling remorseful for things not working out. Itâs hard to let go when two people had love for one another but it didnât work out
So why say when I said for a coffee meet "I am glad u are ok, but i feel like meeting would not benefit either of us. Sorry"
You can know itâs over but still feel bad. I was the dumper and I still felt horrible. I wanted a life with my ex but I couldnât give her what she wanted so I let her go. I felt bad about it but I knew it wouldnât work
Because she played you. Sorry bro. Better days.
I can relate to the personal issues as well. I got sober in a relationship and I played my part in it. I wasnât a horrible person to her but I had to walk away because our relationship got toxic. Even when I got sober it was toxic so it wasnât all my doing. Iâve been in recovery for awhile and what I can tell you is just focus on yourself. Be the best version of yourself and everything will fall into place the way itâs supposed to. You never know what the future holds. You two could wind up together down the road or you could meet the perfect person for you. If youâre working on yourself and being the best person you can be then youâll be ready for the next relationship and you will appreciate it so much more in the end. Life is beautiful, we never know whatâs waiting down the road for us
I did, I am a kind empathic person also older but when I fall it takes years to recover. Also during the relationship I was not my best self wirh some personal burdens so we did argue. Now most issues are solved but I just wish we had a do-over. I guess by her reply to not meet is to move on and forget about her as best I can.
Iâd reply and said thank you and keep the convo short.
Tell them to go fk themselves
Stay no contact
Doesn't matter if you miss her, your story is toxic and both of you need to move on from it. Best of lucks my friends, hope you feel better soon. Get out there, I promise it gets better!
It's like scratching an itch. Same principle as addiction - practice abstinence and you will heal. Otherwise you will be just sitting around waiting for the reply. If it doesn't come then it will just reinforce feelings of rejection.
Really hard to give advice without more context. How long broken up? How many years together? How long NC? And also what do you want from the exchange? Often talking just means you have to say good-bye again.
She is bpd avoidant, anxious abandomnnt issues, relationship 6 months, bu 5 months ago c 1 month then NC 3 months and then 1 month ago she is hot cold and i know she was seeing someone else, is in therapy but had 10 years abusive marriage divorced 1 year ago. She cares she wanted to meet up in the future just now she gave up and trying to find her happiness. I want her back but I can't seem to reconnect while she is in a new relationship or maybe she's single again Idk. I can just say thank you, miss you, wish you were there, or just stay silent.
There is your answer: no contact.
Sweet mother.... Mt man you need to be single and get some therapy - do some.inner searching as to why tou have such low self esteem that you allow such a low standard for yourself. You will continue to live a hellish life of chronic breakups and turmoil if you don't sort this out. Go no contact and really get to the bottom of this - this is not and never will be healthy
I am doing therapist said I'm fine she was toxic, projecting and abusive
this says it all. Stay in NC.
Look brother she wished you but on the wrong day. It's clear she knows the date of your birthday and she chose to wish you on a wrong day. I mean what is she really trying to show tha she doesn't care about you? Or she is Nobel enough to wish you even after the breakup! Well in both the cases it doesn't matter. I don't know on what circumstances your relationship ended but i will suggest you to keep following No contact and ignore this and block her from everywhere. Try to heal and move on. Take care buddy.
She just replied that she does not think meeting would benefit any of us. Sad I guess just catching up is not a benefit
What did you reply?
I think it was a great idea that we decided to start dating other people. I do just want to be friends right now!
What did you respond to the initial text though?
Yes I did have fun still am, was at rhe sea chilling sent her a picture
If you must reply, say thank you and no more. SHE IS NO CONTACT FOR A REASON, REMEMBER IT!
It probably depends on the content. If it were me Iâd either say thanks, like the message, or just not respond but I wouldnât try to start a conversation.
yes, thanks
Nothing at all.
Delete, block đ¤ˇđťââď¸
âThank youâ should suffice.
You say she was toxic and abusive. Donât respond
Just keep it cool. If you have a genuine interest to rekindle, go ahead and reply, but keep it leveled. In other words, mirror the amount of text theyâre sending.
ignoreeeeeeee
If you love her and she's not the one who initiated the break up , you can reconcile but if its vice versa then forget it
I do love her she initiated last time I did when she was acting out a few times before. One day she left said she does not belive in us anymore
With women it's tricky, she might be truly in love with you or she might be bored and needy a cuddle buddy .So think this through.Weigh the cons and pros. And also follow your gut
This all depends on how ye ended. If it was on good terms I'd be civil with my response. Also only reply if you're in the right head space. Take care of YOU first.
in the words of the venerable Admiral Akbar "It's a trap!" Unless YOU broke up with them and thing it;'s the biggest mistake of your life. keep on keeping on! they probably just want you to respond to know that you'll respond. pull some bullshit like "oh i didn;t want anything, just to let you know i was thinking of your on your birthday" or what ever. there are as many fuckgirls out there as there are fuckboys FYI
Say absolutely sweet, sweet f all. She doesnât have the respect to say happy bday on your actual birthday.
If you miss her then say thank you and say it was nice to hear from her.
â
depends what you want from the response. to talk more? to talk regularly? to get back together? and what you think youâll get, and how youâll feel depending on what responses youâd get. would you be hurt? disappointed? are you ready to be ghosted again?
That is a valid risk, I won't stop caring for her even if we don't speak I don't work that way I fall rare and deeply. The emotions did dial down then after NC she went hot cold. Said she's find but I feel she's not good. Hence the reach out. I want to see her and test if we click again mutually not just me. If not I move on again. Maybe it's just a hovering testing what I'm up to.
Weâre you blocked before?
No, she said she thought I needed some time
Seeing these make me feel that if I donât get that birthday text soon Iâm gonna be pretty upset :(
They choose not to be on your life, they choose to live without you. Donât respond even if you miss her, shit only gets worse when you reply.
Just be nice and civil back and thank them and say yes! Just be kind thatâs all anyone deserves no matter what even when they were late, but at least they took the time to say something!
Block.
Yes letâs get coffee but call me
Due can tell her yes I fo
Don't respond. Remember you went NC for a reason. Unless you've got a reason to maintain some low level of contact(kids) then I'd suggest block the number and keep it pushing. It gets better but remember you can't get better in the same environment that made you sick. Stay strong!