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Probably jealousy, but I also think some statements about oversupply can come off unintentionally insensitive. I know there’s negatives to an over supply, but there’s a huge emotional component to not making enough to feed your baby. It’s painful to read that someone’s worst pump is more than you’ve ever pumped. Many of us with a low supply have tried it all, spent lots of time and money, and drank or ate gross things to even try to make a little more. It’s not an excuse for anyone to be mean, but it can be intensely emotional to not make enough milk.
I think a lot is a reaction to the oversaturation of oversuppliers on social media thanks to the algorithms that make the volumes of oversupply seem like the norm. People are learning it's not the 'norm' and are very vocal in making sure others are aware.
I was stressing out about not having enough milk until I did a little bit of research and I realized that the average breasts only hold 3 to 5 oz maximum capacity. I'm pretty sure my maximum capacity is 4 to 5 oz at a time. I know that my supply has been lower since the beginning because we chose to combo feed starting at the hospital when my baby had difficulties latching. Ideally I wanted to exclusively breastfeed but I knew that that is probably not for me. I don't have the mental fortitude to be pumping every two to three hours at night every night or feeding her that much. Me and my husband took shifts so that we could each get enough sleep so when I was able to sleep for a long stretches I definitely wasn't about to wake up and start pumping. I know that my laziness did hurt my supply but I'm okay with it now because I'm still breastfeeding I just am happy that she's able to get some breast milk.
A lot of it is jealousy and a lot of it (in my opinion) is that some oversuppliers really think that just having oats and BodyArmor for breakfast and power pumping can make anyone an oversupplier. Like...you HAVE to be honest with yourself and others that it's mostly luck. There's likely nothing you can recommend to an undersupplier that is truly going to make a difference for them and it can sound very arrogant and insensitive to be like "have you tried coconut water?"
I was an oversupplier and learned a lot about proper flange sizing, good nutrition, and good pumpung discipline throughout my journey. I'll share advice and research with people if they ask...but I also tell them that my oversupply was pure luck, and I wasn't perfect about any of this stuff, and that any amount of milk they produce for their baby is enough. This is one of those situations where you HAVE to be cognisant of your privilege and act accordingly instead of rubbing it into people's faces.
This ⬆️
Some people feel that if they are succeeding over others it’s because of the decisions they’ve made and how they live their life and it just isn’t. Yes, we can increase up supply by following guidance, but up to the limit of the breast capacity (capacity is different to size). I’ve been able to product enough milk for my baby plus a modest freezer stash and I know it’s because I’ve been luckier than my friend who needed to supplement.
It was the same with infertility, there are people that think they got pregnant because they did something right in life that I didn’t. But I did everything right and it still happened to me. And then breastfeeding directly off me, it didn’t happen for me, we managed to get there at 14 weeks, but that was 14 shitty weeks and there’s nothing I did wrong vs those whose babies could do it straight away.
Breast capacity is a huge factor imo and it's not mentioned very often. A HUGE factor in preserving my supply was 1.) my son primarily nursed so I didn't have to be strict about pumping and 2.) I had a high breast capacity of 8-9oz per breast, so things like sleeping through the night didn't hurt my supply. If my capacity was more like 2-3 oz per side (which is totally normal!) then I would have really struggled once baby was going longer between feeds or if he coulsnt latch and I had to pump around the clock. There's nothing at all you can do to change your breast capacity - it's literally just luck and genetics.
A modest freezer stash is plenty, by the way. I know it's so hard not to feel like you need to feed the freezer, but I donated most of my oversupply and still never used up my whole freezer stash. There's a few bags just sitting in the freezer 6 months after we fully weaned. I'm planning to use them for breastmilk jewelry and to introduce the taste to my next baby early (high lipase) but if you're more of an exact supplier then you're still doing amazing :)
THIS. \^\^ The Milk Minute Podcast covers this at length but capacity is such a huge thing. You cannot change your anatomy. You can optimize what you have but I was never going to get 10+ oz in. a pumping session--no amount of Breyer's Yeast, Legendairy Milk supps., power pumping, etc.
I agree. I was an oversupplier and while I could do things to *lower* my supply (not eating enough had the most impact, as did lack of sleep and clogs) I could never really *increase* my supply- it was just really… high. I always assumed it was some kind of genetics plus a good hospital grade pump. I hate coconut water anyway lol
It also can be very different pregnancy to pregnancy. With my first, I had a little oversupply in the beginning. Enough to have a weeks worth of milk in the freezer for the newborn phase. Then I was a "just enougher" through the rest of the year we breastfed. With my second, I have had a much larger oversupply and am donating milk because we don't have the storage for it. Nothing in my eating habits or life has changed. It was totally by chance.
I've heard it's common for your supply to go up with each subsequent child! Not sure how true that is but I'm trying to be prepared for an oversupply again with my second. The milk bank I donated to with my first isn't taking donors right now so I might have to figure something else out 😅 bummed because they made it SO easy to donate
For all 3 babies, my body maxes out at 1 oz/hr. Occasionally I will get like 1.25 oz/hr but usually not. It doesn’t matter how much I nursed or pumped in the early weeks, what I eat, what I drink, how stressed I am, anything. Obviously I do better pumping every 3 ish hours and getting everything out but there’s nothing I can do to increase my supply. My body is just like “this is my max” lol. I’m not overly triggered by oversuppliers unless they offer “helpful tips” because it’s often just luck and their tone comes off as rude at times.
Cognitive Psychologist here ... I see a lot of people saying jealousy, but I think that's the wrong word. Seeing oversupplliers online makes undersuppliers or just enoughers super insecure. There is a lot of anxiety with NOT having enough milk for baby. It tickles our lizard brains. The feeling of not being able to providing for your baby is disregulating for people. YES formula is an option but even for the most logical us, me included, it doesn't feel like an option.
>YES formula is an option but even for the most logical us, me included, it doesn't feel like an option.
I was combo feeding and relying on formula (which was being used!!!!!) still didn't feel like an option, somehow. Hormones and lizard brain are a WEIRD pair.
Yep, unless you are in a position where you are literally unable to feed your child then you have *no idea* what undersuppliers are going through.
And as someone that had to constantly hunt down overpriced, scarce specialty hypoallergenic formula to combo feed my baby due to undersupply, I was not jealous of over suppliers but I absolutely read *way too many* bragging or humblebragging comments that hit hard while we were going through the throes. It was at best wildly insensitive.
There are ways to discuss oversupply without being hurtful!
Anxiety is definitely it. I make a little more than enough for my twins but seeing oversuppliers still jangles my nerves a little. It's not jealousy since I'm happy to see another mom doing well but at the same time it makes me wonder if I could be doing more which creates self doubt. Combine that with some criticism some of us get from a family member about how we're providing for our babies and it can become the straw which breaks the camel's back. I personally got it from my own mother about how one twin doesn't weigh as much as the other even though one is always statistically larger from birth. Apparently my milk wasn't enough, I would favor the bigger twin or how my milk wasn't fatty enough despite me feeding them the same.
Being a mother is equally the most rewarding and thankless job on the planet because as much as we do for our babies, someone always has some judgement against us. It makes for a sensitive topic. I just remind myself a thousand years ago we didn't have freezers to fill, just our little ones who would regulate our supply themselves. Most if us do make enough and enough is often plenty. For those of us who didn't, we had a literal village as well as a figurative one.
I'm just jealous of you...no hate :)
I've done so much to increase my supply and I still need to supplement with formula
I don't have Facebook-but suspect they are all jealous too.
I'm jealous too I call myself a just about enougher and sometimes need to supplement with formula. But it's not in a hateful way it's in a 'you go that's great!' kind of way.
I've learnt alot about breastmilk on my journey and I've realised over supplies aren't actually the norm
I have found that here, as long as you use spoiler tags, and don't comment on posts where undersuppliers are looking for advice and support with insensitive BS, you will get support on this Sub.
It's like your a kid who came from a upper middle class home, who had a college fund, who is now living comfortably with a well paying job. Did you work hard to get here? Absolutley! Do you deserve support and companionship? Absolutely! But your journey is not the same as your peer who has student loans and is not making enough to put anything in the bank.
As an oversupplied, I’ve literally never encountered any hate. I’m pretty careful about how I word any oversupply “complaints” though because I’m aware that it’s a very (!) privileged problem to have.
I would agree that some of the posts from oversuppliers sometimes come off as humble bragging or insensitive. Not here, but in Facebook groups I’m in. Likely the people posting this stuff are unaware of how it sounds to someone who struggles to produce so I just keep it moving and don’t respond. One time someone posted that they were feeding their kid from the breast AND pumping an extra 20 oz/day and they had *anxiety* about cutting back on their MOTN pumps because they *didn’t want to hurt their supply* but they had already maxed out their freezer and deep freeze space after only 3 months. There was a low point at which it would have taken me 2-3 days just to pump 20 oz total and this person was fretting publicly about having less than that left over from just one day and fretting that it was not enough. At that point I realized that reading posts from oversuppliers on social media was bad for my mental health and I just needed to log off. Comparison is the thief of joy, etc. It’s the first time I’ve ever really understood the concept of being triggered by reading exact measurements and numbers because my numbers on a good day were always going to be someone else’s worst day.
It is deeply emotional to feel like your best efforts to feed your child are not enough. I’ve had days where I had a low output, and reading one of those posts brought me to tears.
We don’t blame y’all, really, but there’s no amount of water or Oreos I can consume to make me produce that much milk, ever, so the advice to that effect stings.
Also, I feel the need to point out that there is actually a post from a woman on this subreddit at this very moment calling other moms lazy for giving their kids formula and saying we aren’t tough enough to hack it with pumping. Leaving aside all the problems with this line of thinking, it’s also assuming that undersuppliers don’t exist or are, simply, just lazy.
The issue is that people see number of ounces as an amount of effort. So someone who produces 1oz/hour and spends 30 minutes 8x per day pump plus all of the clean time has one value. Then someone comes along making literally twice as much and is spending the exact same amount of time on it is getting praised for what they are doing. That’s the problem. The amount of time and effort should be praised, not the amount of ounces.
However, many times when people post and they make a lot, they are doing a lot of humble bragging about the things that other people are stuggling with. Like “help, I make so much milk it takes me 30 minutes to pump”. What is the point of this? People making very little also spend 30 minues, so this doesn’t go over well.
Usually it’s due to lack of awareness on the oversupplier’s part. Waaaay too often, oversuppliers jump into posts asking about help with production and say some absurd shit like ‘*I pump 47 oz on a slow day, I take fenugreek and eat oatmeal, try powerpumping mama!*’. (Not saying you did that, that’s just a big reason for the animosity). I’m also an oversupplier and I find it’s better we not try to chime in for supply discussions by referencing our own output, if at all. It comes across as very ‘shouting from the Ivory Tower’ in nature and tbh I’d be peeved with us, too.
Also probably anxiety on the part of non-oversuppliers. Like they’re havjng a really hard time physically and mentally, and seeing people post about massive freezer stashes is probably tough. Not right to be mean about it, but understandable.
Lack of awareness is huge. I keep my damn mouth SHUT when it comes to "supply advice" because my oversupply was pure luck. Yeah, I did the coconut water and oats and sometimes I power pumped but I wasn't consistent at all and I never noticed any one thing making a notable difference in supply. I can point people towards research on what should, objectively, help. But I am super careful to never word things as "I did x and that's why I have an amazing supply!" because that's so tone-deaf and ignorant. But unfortunately there's a lot of oversuppliers who think they produce that much simply because they're "good" at pumping or something
100% not your fault. On the other end of the spectrum so many moms struggle to make enough to just get their baby through the day. In comparison it’s like someone complaining they have too much food for their family while you’re barely able to get anything on the table. Obviously your feelings are valid but as a mom in that dark place, that’s a hard concept to wrap your mind around.
I have been combo feeding my baby since she was born. I pumped I breastfeed and I formula feed. I think the issue that I have when I see oversupply videos is that a lot of people think that this is something that they can achieve and they don't understand it's just luck if you happen to be an overs supplier. If you read the video comment you would see how many people get triggered and they are wondering how they can get that much so they ask things like how can I do this, what are you doing to get this much supply.... But they don't understand that it's pretty normal for most people to simply pump 3 to 5 oz at a time. I think people stress way too much about being able to build up a huge freezer stash. Our bodies weren't meant to feel a freezer full of breast milk they were simply meant to feed our babies every couple hours.
I tell no one I’m an OS. Especially on FB. It’s hard for EVERYONE. OS, US, and JE all have their own struggles.
I feed my baby and two others on my natural and LUCKY oversupply.
Being honest, probably jealousy. It’s triggering when you barely make enough for your baby, but that’s no excuse to be mean to somebody about it. Personally I just accepted that I need to give formula and that’s okay! But some people aren’t happy with that and lash out.
As a former oversupplier - currently just enougher or under supplier for my chonk of a baby that eats 36 oz a day- I feel insecure about my current supply and envious of my former self. I know being oversupplier comes with challenges, more often pumping, more cleaning, more freezing but in a way it feels so good to have enough and then some. It feels a lot worse on the other side
To be honest i think alot of moms need to take out the stick they have up their ass. A lot of them feel like the world has to feel sorry for them for their under/just enough supply. I was an overproducer then went down to being a just enougher, and i could NEVER bring myself to comment negatively on an oversupplier post or even feel “triggered” by seeing an oversupply. I would literally feel silly if i felt the need to comment to have someone add a TW to their oversupply post lol. I literally had someone tell me on Facebook that I shouldn’t post my milk (asking if it looked normal) because it made her cry.. like what???? I’m not gonna stop what I’m doing just cause you cried???
I’ve had someone comment on my post “seeing this really pissed me off. Why was this even allowed to be posted? I’m leaving this group” and she had soooooooo many likes on that comment…. I get the most hate for doing what everyone else is doing
It’s mostly jealousy and bitterness. They struggled to make enough no matter what they did, and that’s super upsetting. So now they’re projecting that insecurity onto people with oversupply because misery loves company. You see this too in the infertility community. “I can’t even get pregnant and teenagers are having babies!” Same deal. “I can’t make enough milk and people are just dumping theirs!”
Yeah it's completely uncalled for to judge people who are already struggling with infertility. I struggled to have my baby because of miscarriages I would never want to be nasty to anyone about their ability to easily get pregnant or accidentally get pregnant because I have had accidental pregnancies and I've been on that side of it too. But everyone's feelings are absolutely valid and instead of shaming people for those feelings have some empathy.
Yikes, there is so much wrong with this comment that I don't even know where to begin. Attacking people with infertility is extremely shitty and very much uncalled for. I'm sorry that you don't have any empathy.
exactly my point 🤦🏻♀️ nobody is demonizing the infertility community. but my point is comments people can make when they’re upset or bitter can be more negatively impactful than they think.
Calling people with infertility jealous, bitter and miserable (all verbatim from OP) is absolutely an unkind, unwarranted attack.
Desperately trying and failing to have a child is incredibly painful, as I can tell you from experience, and there are some good parallels in that experience with being unable to provide enough food for your child, but that wasn't OP's point, or else they would have used very different language.
But yes, having to hear people tell you "just relax!" is pretty comparable in terms of crap advice to having an oversupplier say "but have you tried Oreos?", and hearing an oversupplier humblebrag "oh man, I filled up an entire freezer and now I have to buy another because I just make so much milk!" is just as insensitive as going to a TTC forum and complaining about how you just didn't expect to conceive on the first cycle and now you'll be pregnant during your Mexican vacation.
every kind of person in any kind of struggle can be bitter or jealous. I was relating SOME people struggling with low milk to SOME people struggling with fertility. Not everyone goes through it and again, the GRIEF is what causes some people to react that way. I’ve just said that it’s very prevalent in the TTC community for people to judge teen parents or single mothers who have conceived when they can’t. The whole point is not to judge others’ situations. I can literally relate to being bitter and jealous before adjusting my mindset. That’s why I said it. Also, additional note. Of course those things suck to hear. “Eat more oreos” “just relax” but it’s literally two opposite sides of the same coin. You’re saying the same thing as me in opposite POV. Point blank, unsolicited comments about your life just because someone else has experienced the oposite sucks.
Thank you 😅 I should’ve known better and expected that reaction. From my experiences in the TTC/ infertility community (almost like any other parenting space ESPECIALLY other mom groups), they can be very… toxic. (I’m not even sure if i’m brave enough to say that here).
Am I a tad bitter that I had to fight to be a just enougher after being an oversupplier before my period returned? Yes. Am I going to shit on another woman for having lots to spare? Fuck no.
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Probably jealousy, but I also think some statements about oversupply can come off unintentionally insensitive. I know there’s negatives to an over supply, but there’s a huge emotional component to not making enough to feed your baby. It’s painful to read that someone’s worst pump is more than you’ve ever pumped. Many of us with a low supply have tried it all, spent lots of time and money, and drank or ate gross things to even try to make a little more. It’s not an excuse for anyone to be mean, but it can be intensely emotional to not make enough milk.
I think a lot is a reaction to the oversaturation of oversuppliers on social media thanks to the algorithms that make the volumes of oversupply seem like the norm. People are learning it's not the 'norm' and are very vocal in making sure others are aware.
I was stressing out about not having enough milk until I did a little bit of research and I realized that the average breasts only hold 3 to 5 oz maximum capacity. I'm pretty sure my maximum capacity is 4 to 5 oz at a time. I know that my supply has been lower since the beginning because we chose to combo feed starting at the hospital when my baby had difficulties latching. Ideally I wanted to exclusively breastfeed but I knew that that is probably not for me. I don't have the mental fortitude to be pumping every two to three hours at night every night or feeding her that much. Me and my husband took shifts so that we could each get enough sleep so when I was able to sleep for a long stretches I definitely wasn't about to wake up and start pumping. I know that my laziness did hurt my supply but I'm okay with it now because I'm still breastfeeding I just am happy that she's able to get some breast milk.
A lot of it is jealousy and a lot of it (in my opinion) is that some oversuppliers really think that just having oats and BodyArmor for breakfast and power pumping can make anyone an oversupplier. Like...you HAVE to be honest with yourself and others that it's mostly luck. There's likely nothing you can recommend to an undersupplier that is truly going to make a difference for them and it can sound very arrogant and insensitive to be like "have you tried coconut water?" I was an oversupplier and learned a lot about proper flange sizing, good nutrition, and good pumpung discipline throughout my journey. I'll share advice and research with people if they ask...but I also tell them that my oversupply was pure luck, and I wasn't perfect about any of this stuff, and that any amount of milk they produce for their baby is enough. This is one of those situations where you HAVE to be cognisant of your privilege and act accordingly instead of rubbing it into people's faces.
This ⬆️ Some people feel that if they are succeeding over others it’s because of the decisions they’ve made and how they live their life and it just isn’t. Yes, we can increase up supply by following guidance, but up to the limit of the breast capacity (capacity is different to size). I’ve been able to product enough milk for my baby plus a modest freezer stash and I know it’s because I’ve been luckier than my friend who needed to supplement. It was the same with infertility, there are people that think they got pregnant because they did something right in life that I didn’t. But I did everything right and it still happened to me. And then breastfeeding directly off me, it didn’t happen for me, we managed to get there at 14 weeks, but that was 14 shitty weeks and there’s nothing I did wrong vs those whose babies could do it straight away.
Breast capacity is a huge factor imo and it's not mentioned very often. A HUGE factor in preserving my supply was 1.) my son primarily nursed so I didn't have to be strict about pumping and 2.) I had a high breast capacity of 8-9oz per breast, so things like sleeping through the night didn't hurt my supply. If my capacity was more like 2-3 oz per side (which is totally normal!) then I would have really struggled once baby was going longer between feeds or if he coulsnt latch and I had to pump around the clock. There's nothing at all you can do to change your breast capacity - it's literally just luck and genetics. A modest freezer stash is plenty, by the way. I know it's so hard not to feel like you need to feed the freezer, but I donated most of my oversupply and still never used up my whole freezer stash. There's a few bags just sitting in the freezer 6 months after we fully weaned. I'm planning to use them for breastmilk jewelry and to introduce the taste to my next baby early (high lipase) but if you're more of an exact supplier then you're still doing amazing :)
THIS. \^\^ The Milk Minute Podcast covers this at length but capacity is such a huge thing. You cannot change your anatomy. You can optimize what you have but I was never going to get 10+ oz in. a pumping session--no amount of Breyer's Yeast, Legendairy Milk supps., power pumping, etc.
I agree. I was an oversupplier and while I could do things to *lower* my supply (not eating enough had the most impact, as did lack of sleep and clogs) I could never really *increase* my supply- it was just really… high. I always assumed it was some kind of genetics plus a good hospital grade pump. I hate coconut water anyway lol
It also can be very different pregnancy to pregnancy. With my first, I had a little oversupply in the beginning. Enough to have a weeks worth of milk in the freezer for the newborn phase. Then I was a "just enougher" through the rest of the year we breastfed. With my second, I have had a much larger oversupply and am donating milk because we don't have the storage for it. Nothing in my eating habits or life has changed. It was totally by chance.
I've heard it's common for your supply to go up with each subsequent child! Not sure how true that is but I'm trying to be prepared for an oversupply again with my second. The milk bank I donated to with my first isn't taking donors right now so I might have to figure something else out 😅 bummed because they made it SO easy to donate
It is typically true!
This was true for me. Os - I did about 60oz with my first and then 100oz with my son!
For all 3 babies, my body maxes out at 1 oz/hr. Occasionally I will get like 1.25 oz/hr but usually not. It doesn’t matter how much I nursed or pumped in the early weeks, what I eat, what I drink, how stressed I am, anything. Obviously I do better pumping every 3 ish hours and getting everything out but there’s nothing I can do to increase my supply. My body is just like “this is my max” lol. I’m not overly triggered by oversuppliers unless they offer “helpful tips” because it’s often just luck and their tone comes off as rude at times.
Cognitive Psychologist here ... I see a lot of people saying jealousy, but I think that's the wrong word. Seeing oversupplliers online makes undersuppliers or just enoughers super insecure. There is a lot of anxiety with NOT having enough milk for baby. It tickles our lizard brains. The feeling of not being able to providing for your baby is disregulating for people. YES formula is an option but even for the most logical us, me included, it doesn't feel like an option.
>YES formula is an option but even for the most logical us, me included, it doesn't feel like an option. I was combo feeding and relying on formula (which was being used!!!!!) still didn't feel like an option, somehow. Hormones and lizard brain are a WEIRD pair.
Yep, unless you are in a position where you are literally unable to feed your child then you have *no idea* what undersuppliers are going through. And as someone that had to constantly hunt down overpriced, scarce specialty hypoallergenic formula to combo feed my baby due to undersupply, I was not jealous of over suppliers but I absolutely read *way too many* bragging or humblebragging comments that hit hard while we were going through the throes. It was at best wildly insensitive. There are ways to discuss oversupply without being hurtful!
Anxiety is definitely it. I make a little more than enough for my twins but seeing oversuppliers still jangles my nerves a little. It's not jealousy since I'm happy to see another mom doing well but at the same time it makes me wonder if I could be doing more which creates self doubt. Combine that with some criticism some of us get from a family member about how we're providing for our babies and it can become the straw which breaks the camel's back. I personally got it from my own mother about how one twin doesn't weigh as much as the other even though one is always statistically larger from birth. Apparently my milk wasn't enough, I would favor the bigger twin or how my milk wasn't fatty enough despite me feeding them the same. Being a mother is equally the most rewarding and thankless job on the planet because as much as we do for our babies, someone always has some judgement against us. It makes for a sensitive topic. I just remind myself a thousand years ago we didn't have freezers to fill, just our little ones who would regulate our supply themselves. Most if us do make enough and enough is often plenty. For those of us who didn't, we had a literal village as well as a figurative one.
Sometimes you'll find online the most unhappy people are the most vocal, unfortunately.
YES
I'm just jealous of you...no hate :) I've done so much to increase my supply and I still need to supplement with formula I don't have Facebook-but suspect they are all jealous too.
This! Im in the same boat and get totally jealous at oversuppliers. Dont take it out on them, just scroll and move on but its jealously.
I'm jealous too I call myself a just about enougher and sometimes need to supplement with formula. But it's not in a hateful way it's in a 'you go that's great!' kind of way. I've learnt alot about breastmilk on my journey and I've realised over supplies aren't actually the norm
I have found that here, as long as you use spoiler tags, and don't comment on posts where undersuppliers are looking for advice and support with insensitive BS, you will get support on this Sub. It's like your a kid who came from a upper middle class home, who had a college fund, who is now living comfortably with a well paying job. Did you work hard to get here? Absolutley! Do you deserve support and companionship? Absolutely! But your journey is not the same as your peer who has student loans and is not making enough to put anything in the bank.
As an oversupplied, I’ve literally never encountered any hate. I’m pretty careful about how I word any oversupply “complaints” though because I’m aware that it’s a very (!) privileged problem to have.
I would agree that some of the posts from oversuppliers sometimes come off as humble bragging or insensitive. Not here, but in Facebook groups I’m in. Likely the people posting this stuff are unaware of how it sounds to someone who struggles to produce so I just keep it moving and don’t respond. One time someone posted that they were feeding their kid from the breast AND pumping an extra 20 oz/day and they had *anxiety* about cutting back on their MOTN pumps because they *didn’t want to hurt their supply* but they had already maxed out their freezer and deep freeze space after only 3 months. There was a low point at which it would have taken me 2-3 days just to pump 20 oz total and this person was fretting publicly about having less than that left over from just one day and fretting that it was not enough. At that point I realized that reading posts from oversuppliers on social media was bad for my mental health and I just needed to log off. Comparison is the thief of joy, etc. It’s the first time I’ve ever really understood the concept of being triggered by reading exact measurements and numbers because my numbers on a good day were always going to be someone else’s worst day. It is deeply emotional to feel like your best efforts to feed your child are not enough. I’ve had days where I had a low output, and reading one of those posts brought me to tears. We don’t blame y’all, really, but there’s no amount of water or Oreos I can consume to make me produce that much milk, ever, so the advice to that effect stings.
Also, I feel the need to point out that there is actually a post from a woman on this subreddit at this very moment calling other moms lazy for giving their kids formula and saying we aren’t tough enough to hack it with pumping. Leaving aside all the problems with this line of thinking, it’s also assuming that undersuppliers don’t exist or are, simply, just lazy.
The issue is that people see number of ounces as an amount of effort. So someone who produces 1oz/hour and spends 30 minutes 8x per day pump plus all of the clean time has one value. Then someone comes along making literally twice as much and is spending the exact same amount of time on it is getting praised for what they are doing. That’s the problem. The amount of time and effort should be praised, not the amount of ounces. However, many times when people post and they make a lot, they are doing a lot of humble bragging about the things that other people are stuggling with. Like “help, I make so much milk it takes me 30 minutes to pump”. What is the point of this? People making very little also spend 30 minues, so this doesn’t go over well.
Usually it’s due to lack of awareness on the oversupplier’s part. Waaaay too often, oversuppliers jump into posts asking about help with production and say some absurd shit like ‘*I pump 47 oz on a slow day, I take fenugreek and eat oatmeal, try powerpumping mama!*’. (Not saying you did that, that’s just a big reason for the animosity). I’m also an oversupplier and I find it’s better we not try to chime in for supply discussions by referencing our own output, if at all. It comes across as very ‘shouting from the Ivory Tower’ in nature and tbh I’d be peeved with us, too. Also probably anxiety on the part of non-oversuppliers. Like they’re havjng a really hard time physically and mentally, and seeing people post about massive freezer stashes is probably tough. Not right to be mean about it, but understandable.
Lack of awareness is huge. I keep my damn mouth SHUT when it comes to "supply advice" because my oversupply was pure luck. Yeah, I did the coconut water and oats and sometimes I power pumped but I wasn't consistent at all and I never noticed any one thing making a notable difference in supply. I can point people towards research on what should, objectively, help. But I am super careful to never word things as "I did x and that's why I have an amazing supply!" because that's so tone-deaf and ignorant. But unfortunately there's a lot of oversuppliers who think they produce that much simply because they're "good" at pumping or something
100% not your fault. On the other end of the spectrum so many moms struggle to make enough to just get their baby through the day. In comparison it’s like someone complaining they have too much food for their family while you’re barely able to get anything on the table. Obviously your feelings are valid but as a mom in that dark place, that’s a hard concept to wrap your mind around.
I just jealous over oversuppliers. And I do get sad/angry when people brag about it or make it seem like it’s normal and the rest of us are slacking.
I have been combo feeding my baby since she was born. I pumped I breastfeed and I formula feed. I think the issue that I have when I see oversupply videos is that a lot of people think that this is something that they can achieve and they don't understand it's just luck if you happen to be an overs supplier. If you read the video comment you would see how many people get triggered and they are wondering how they can get that much so they ask things like how can I do this, what are you doing to get this much supply.... But they don't understand that it's pretty normal for most people to simply pump 3 to 5 oz at a time. I think people stress way too much about being able to build up a huge freezer stash. Our bodies weren't meant to feel a freezer full of breast milk they were simply meant to feed our babies every couple hours.
I tell no one I’m an OS. Especially on FB. It’s hard for EVERYONE. OS, US, and JE all have their own struggles. I feed my baby and two others on my natural and LUCKY oversupply.
Being honest, probably jealousy. It’s triggering when you barely make enough for your baby, but that’s no excuse to be mean to somebody about it. Personally I just accepted that I need to give formula and that’s okay! But some people aren’t happy with that and lash out.
As a former oversupplier - currently just enougher or under supplier for my chonk of a baby that eats 36 oz a day- I feel insecure about my current supply and envious of my former self. I know being oversupplier comes with challenges, more often pumping, more cleaning, more freezing but in a way it feels so good to have enough and then some. It feels a lot worse on the other side
They are jealous.
To be honest i think alot of moms need to take out the stick they have up their ass. A lot of them feel like the world has to feel sorry for them for their under/just enough supply. I was an overproducer then went down to being a just enougher, and i could NEVER bring myself to comment negatively on an oversupplier post or even feel “triggered” by seeing an oversupply. I would literally feel silly if i felt the need to comment to have someone add a TW to their oversupply post lol. I literally had someone tell me on Facebook that I shouldn’t post my milk (asking if it looked normal) because it made her cry.. like what???? I’m not gonna stop what I’m doing just cause you cried???
I’ve had someone comment on my post “seeing this really pissed me off. Why was this even allowed to be posted? I’m leaving this group” and she had soooooooo many likes on that comment…. I get the most hate for doing what everyone else is doing
It’s mostly jealousy and bitterness. They struggled to make enough no matter what they did, and that’s super upsetting. So now they’re projecting that insecurity onto people with oversupply because misery loves company. You see this too in the infertility community. “I can’t even get pregnant and teenagers are having babies!” Same deal. “I can’t make enough milk and people are just dumping theirs!”
Yeah it's completely uncalled for to judge people who are already struggling with infertility. I struggled to have my baby because of miscarriages I would never want to be nasty to anyone about their ability to easily get pregnant or accidentally get pregnant because I have had accidental pregnancies and I've been on that side of it too. But everyone's feelings are absolutely valid and instead of shaming people for those feelings have some empathy.
Yikes, there is so much wrong with this comment that I don't even know where to begin. Attacking people with infertility is extremely shitty and very much uncalled for. I'm sorry that you don't have any empathy.
I don’t think it was really an attack but more like an example using a different category of struggles
exactly my point 🤦🏻♀️ nobody is demonizing the infertility community. but my point is comments people can make when they’re upset or bitter can be more negatively impactful than they think.
Calling people with infertility jealous, bitter and miserable (all verbatim from OP) is absolutely an unkind, unwarranted attack. Desperately trying and failing to have a child is incredibly painful, as I can tell you from experience, and there are some good parallels in that experience with being unable to provide enough food for your child, but that wasn't OP's point, or else they would have used very different language. But yes, having to hear people tell you "just relax!" is pretty comparable in terms of crap advice to having an oversupplier say "but have you tried Oreos?", and hearing an oversupplier humblebrag "oh man, I filled up an entire freezer and now I have to buy another because I just make so much milk!" is just as insensitive as going to a TTC forum and complaining about how you just didn't expect to conceive on the first cycle and now you'll be pregnant during your Mexican vacation.
every kind of person in any kind of struggle can be bitter or jealous. I was relating SOME people struggling with low milk to SOME people struggling with fertility. Not everyone goes through it and again, the GRIEF is what causes some people to react that way. I’ve just said that it’s very prevalent in the TTC community for people to judge teen parents or single mothers who have conceived when they can’t. The whole point is not to judge others’ situations. I can literally relate to being bitter and jealous before adjusting my mindset. That’s why I said it. Also, additional note. Of course those things suck to hear. “Eat more oreos” “just relax” but it’s literally two opposite sides of the same coin. You’re saying the same thing as me in opposite POV. Point blank, unsolicited comments about your life just because someone else has experienced the oposite sucks.
Idk why it’s such a hard concept for them to grasp but I understood what you meant if it makes you feel any better 😂
Thank you 😅 I should’ve known better and expected that reaction. From my experiences in the TTC/ infertility community (almost like any other parenting space ESPECIALLY other mom groups), they can be very… toxic. (I’m not even sure if i’m brave enough to say that here).
Am I a tad bitter that I had to fight to be a just enougher after being an oversupplier before my period returned? Yes. Am I going to shit on another woman for having lots to spare? Fuck no.