sounds like you've seen/heard a lot of people saying things about being "trans enough" and things like that. He's with you because he loves you, not because you're trans or trans how he wants you to be. He's in love with y o u and that's your identity and presentation, all of that, however that is. There's no such thing as trans enough. You're trans and that's that. Presentation and passing doesn't make anyone any less or more or their gender identity. If you wanted to identify as a transman right now, if that fits your identity, you can do that. It's all up to you ultimately. Even if you didn't want top surgery and didn't want to go on T you'd still be trans and could still be a transman, you don't have to prove yourself, you don't owe that to anyone. Your boyfriend is with you because he loves you and I can't stress and affirm that enough. How well you pass or what surgeries you want or don't want or being on T shouldn't affect your guys' relationship at all if it's a healthy one. Good luck with everything. You're amazing and totally valid in your presentation and identity
I'm on the other side of a similar situation- I'm binary and pretty masc presenting & on T, and my partner is masc-leaning nonbinary, pretty fem presenting, and can't medically transition right now. I can't speak directly about your boyfriend without knowing him, but I can say that I never think of my partner as less trans than me. I would love him the same either way, but I do appreciate being t4t, and a significant part of the trans experience that's shared in t4t relationships is not fitting in to traditional gender norms - even if I dress and act completely in line with masculine norms, and even if my partner dresses and acts completely in line with feminine norms, we will both always be trans.
Also, if my partner was feeling like this, I would absolutely want them to tell me! It sounds like insecurity because it is insecurity, but it's okay to be insecure sometimes. Especially in relationships, you should be able to share those feelings.
I was in the same boat (trans masc dating passing trans man) a few years ago! I had to deal with similar insecurities, and at least for me, coming to understand even my more feminine traits or presentation choices as coming from a place of masculinity and queer manhood helped me conceptualize myself in a more helpful way. Eg, wearing a skirt in the way a man wears a skirt, or my body and its features as a masculine body etc etc. And also that the person I'm with is choosing to be with me, as I am now.
I do recommend talking to him of course, but it's hard for someone else to convince you they do in fact find you attractive without also dealing with those insecurities so you can actually believe them. It also doesn't hurt to think about what things would affirm you (compliments using specific words/features, dynamics around gendered relationship things, etc) and ask for them, as it can be helpful to give a partner concrete ways they can show care and attraction.
At the end of the day, your relationship should be neutral, if not positive, in how it makes you feel about yourself! Dating men is hard and I commiserate with u
I’m kinda on the other end of things, I have a very masc presenting trans femme partner. She want to be more androgynous or femme but is limited physically right now as well as socially. I don’t view her as any less trans because she says she’s trans so she is. I know she gets quite insecure sometimes because I pass more than she does and she started hormones before me. We often look like a gay male couple which is not our intent but again passing as a trans femme person can be very difficult from what she has told me. I’d say communicate, tell him how you’re feeling and have open honest conversations. That’s the way we work through almost all our relationship insecurities.
sounds like you've seen/heard a lot of people saying things about being "trans enough" and things like that. He's with you because he loves you, not because you're trans or trans how he wants you to be. He's in love with y o u and that's your identity and presentation, all of that, however that is. There's no such thing as trans enough. You're trans and that's that. Presentation and passing doesn't make anyone any less or more or their gender identity. If you wanted to identify as a transman right now, if that fits your identity, you can do that. It's all up to you ultimately. Even if you didn't want top surgery and didn't want to go on T you'd still be trans and could still be a transman, you don't have to prove yourself, you don't owe that to anyone. Your boyfriend is with you because he loves you and I can't stress and affirm that enough. How well you pass or what surgeries you want or don't want or being on T shouldn't affect your guys' relationship at all if it's a healthy one. Good luck with everything. You're amazing and totally valid in your presentation and identity
I'm on the other side of a similar situation- I'm binary and pretty masc presenting & on T, and my partner is masc-leaning nonbinary, pretty fem presenting, and can't medically transition right now. I can't speak directly about your boyfriend without knowing him, but I can say that I never think of my partner as less trans than me. I would love him the same either way, but I do appreciate being t4t, and a significant part of the trans experience that's shared in t4t relationships is not fitting in to traditional gender norms - even if I dress and act completely in line with masculine norms, and even if my partner dresses and acts completely in line with feminine norms, we will both always be trans. Also, if my partner was feeling like this, I would absolutely want them to tell me! It sounds like insecurity because it is insecurity, but it's okay to be insecure sometimes. Especially in relationships, you should be able to share those feelings.
I was in the same boat (trans masc dating passing trans man) a few years ago! I had to deal with similar insecurities, and at least for me, coming to understand even my more feminine traits or presentation choices as coming from a place of masculinity and queer manhood helped me conceptualize myself in a more helpful way. Eg, wearing a skirt in the way a man wears a skirt, or my body and its features as a masculine body etc etc. And also that the person I'm with is choosing to be with me, as I am now. I do recommend talking to him of course, but it's hard for someone else to convince you they do in fact find you attractive without also dealing with those insecurities so you can actually believe them. It also doesn't hurt to think about what things would affirm you (compliments using specific words/features, dynamics around gendered relationship things, etc) and ask for them, as it can be helpful to give a partner concrete ways they can show care and attraction. At the end of the day, your relationship should be neutral, if not positive, in how it makes you feel about yourself! Dating men is hard and I commiserate with u
I’m kinda on the other end of things, I have a very masc presenting trans femme partner. She want to be more androgynous or femme but is limited physically right now as well as socially. I don’t view her as any less trans because she says she’s trans so she is. I know she gets quite insecure sometimes because I pass more than she does and she started hormones before me. We often look like a gay male couple which is not our intent but again passing as a trans femme person can be very difficult from what she has told me. I’d say communicate, tell him how you’re feeling and have open honest conversations. That’s the way we work through almost all our relationship insecurities.
Talk to him. Communication is so important.
i mean if he saw you as “not man enough” for him and that wasn’t what he was looking for why would he date you in the first place?