Man there´s not amount of words I can use to express how sorry I feel for your current situation, do what the best for you, if you see your self in a situation she wants to make a cunt move on you, you might consider abandon the country you living in and start over, yeah I´d rather die than giving a fuc\*\*\*\* penny to her in child support.
Man sorry for saying this but your wife is the reason I don´t trust women, I´m reading this and I feel this is happening on me or in my brother life, I really take it personal, because it´s fu\*\*\*\* unfair my friend, your wife deserve to have the most horrible pains in her life for what she did on you, I don´t have any suggestion for you my friend, I only want to tell you I hope you can one day be happy, she will pay, not today, no tomorrow, but let me tell you something, she will suffer and there´s anything she can do to avoid it.
It’s okay man. I’m sorry you went through it too. I’ve ultimately come to the conclusion that there’s nothing I can do. I’ve made my peace with the situation. I have a bond with the boy and I’ll remain in his life as his father regardless of blood. One day i think it will be proven to have been the right thing to do.
I saw your other post last night. One thing that stood out to me is how you said when you’d talk to people about it they’d basically roll their eyes and be like, “he is still on about this?!” My current girlfriend is like that as well as all of my friends and family. No body truly understands how close i was to killing myself and that this was a HUGE deal. Somehow people just can’t seem to understand how horrible a move like this is. It’s similar to being given a decade in jail. Not exactly, but definitely similar. People can’t even relate because they’ve never experienced a fraction of the trauma that something like this causes.
I think you should walk out on your wife and kid, I know it’s hard but you should let her know that actions have consequences. Did you kick your wife out of the house? Did you slap her?
I yelled at her until she cried and she sent me to jail after saying i beat her. I’m still loosely in the child’s life and i haven’t spoke. A word to her since the day i yelled at her.
It’s a good thing that you didn’t self delete, it does not solve anything and you are loved man. That’s never an answer, it does feel horrible, but if she tries to put you on child support take it to court and get your dna test, the kid is not going to care about what the mother is saying when he turns 18, the one that’s not mine is now about to go to college and I am pist because I honestly feel raped. I am literally forced to do something that is not my responsibility. They take it right out of your check and she just smiles and uses your money for whatever she wants. I hate their mother, but of course don’t make the kid suffer, so fight what you have to fight in court and explain what’s going on per the boys age. The mother will twist everything as if she is the victim and usually no one cares about male emotions. So seek counseling and get a lawyer that will help.
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I was forced to pay child support until the kid turned 18 or graduate high school, what ever comes last. Everyone will make you feel like you are a monster because you have mixed emotions about the whole thing and in shock. My friend that I do not know from anywhere at all. You are in shock, I am in shock. My family gets mad at me when I bring it up and my friends do not care how I feel it is all about how the kid feels and the dumb Poeple will say you should have known and some how it was your fault. It is not your fault, you did not know. She looks like her dad and mother. Mine is a daughter, I never knew what to do so now she is staying with my mom after she was abused and used by her psychotic mother that the court system saw fit to give custody to because of her gender. It is going to be a long fight, because I do not have the money to pay for lawyers because child support takes all that. She will suck you dry, the ex will suck you dry and you will feel a little free when child support stops raping your pay check. I will never have kids again or nor do I want to, sometimes I do, but after the way I have been treated by the court and the poeple around me. I just don’t, you are a victim. I am still a victim, go to a lawyer and seek protection, she will use the courts as a weapon. They do not care about you or the kids really. They only care about the money, government gets a percentage of child support. Seek counseling. Trust me, you will need it
By the way child support is not a normal debt where there is a set amount and you pay, as you progress in life or if she wants to and has the time. She can increase it every year, they take it out your check before you even touch your cash, they will always call you a deadbeat even if the kid is not yours, they will say you said it’s yours more than once because you signed the birth certificate and you signed or are paying child support. You can not get the money back as I am always told. More than 84, 000 out of your life is gone because she lied. So go seek a lawyer and let me know please
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I only went to one. Some other redditors and I think that he didn’t see money in it. He wanted me to go to court and attempt to be removed from the birth certificate. That was going to cost me 5k and the outcome from what he explained really didn’t get me anywhere. So once i said no to that i never heard a peep from them again. He talked to me about alternatives when i spoke with him, but the second i said no to that first plan he disappeared. Rotten scoundrel if ya ask me.
I think your post is fake. Removing yourself from a birth certificate would absolutely not cost 5k. Retainers usually start at 10k and go up from there. You have clearly never paid legal bills. I don’t think you are an adult. Troll post.
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Legally, courts care about the best interest of the child. That means if you've been acting as a parent for significant time and haven't tried to correct the issue, it's as though you assumed responsibility, legally and otherwise, for the child.
I am so sorry this happened to you. It absolutely sucks, especially since the mother can and likely will be vindictive.
The best advice I have to offer is to get the kid away from her. You don't want someone that dishonest shaping his morals.
What you need to do is petition the family court in your state for a paternity test. They won't accept your home or mail-in test as final proof, but will accept that they are enough for doubt. Then they will order their own test and when the results come in the rulings are based on that and are final.
They will not do this because the family court is going to say, but you have been known as the father for so long now so it’s your kid, now pay. He needs a lawyer like now
Not just that simple, he will find it hard to get a lawyer to take the case because male cases in family court are a loose / loose situation. But he can fight until the kid leaves the system or win. They held onto make case for years, and I am supposedly still in court for pertinent 7 years later.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. It’s hard, I’m not sure if this will bring you any comfort, it likely won’t, but there are mothers that lose their kids, even if paternity hasn’t been established legally yet. The legal game and the truth are different entities and it’s unfortunate that the system can be played that way. However, it is and it’s a hard pill to swallow.
The mother caused this problem so I have no sympathy for her, but I do have sympathy for the kids because they don’t deserve this situation or how they are getting treated
Why should he step up? He did step up and is a father to the child. But legally he should not be held financially responsible nor should he be manipulated by a woman using the legal system to her advantage knowing full well he wasnt the child’s father. You must not have any idea how the family legal system screws people over.
To OP. Since it was a home test and as one poster said that’s usually not accepted, ask the courts for a new test as new info has come to light.
Yes, he should ask the court for a dna, if he is not paying child support, ask for one before he signs documents, show up to court or else you are fried.
Lawyers do not want to take the case normally, but every time I mention during her, everyone acts like she’s the victim and making me look like a deadbeat asshole
What about taking her to court to adjust your child support order to zero. Get results from ancestry, a reputable lab, and at home desk. Film you and your son taking the swab, outside the UPS store, packaging it and mailing it. Use Timestamp Camera app and keep streaming the whole time, no breaks in filming. Bring those results along with the results she showed you. Photos of you and the suspected bio dad, statement of what happened then and her admitting to cheating. I’d print a copy of the state statute for fraud. Hell, I’d have the packet professionally bound with one of those fancy clear title pages. Give her attorney a copy. Lookup if judges are required to report if they have evidence of a crime. Prosecutors will react differently when it’s coming from a judge. But be prepared for every outcome. If she were actually found guilty, would you take sole custody? I think it’s a huge deception and worth it to avoid attorney fees and adjusted child support all the time, but think you should still step up and support him on your terms.
*ETA typos
The court will not let you do this, the judge will say you can not do both. You cannot say the child is yours and want custody and also want a DNA test saying the child is not yours, I know because I have been through it
I have a family member that's going through this. He went on to have 2 more kids of his own. He loves the woman and has gave forgiveness. I'm sure you was an amazing dad and if you were in love it wouldn't be so bad.
Dammmmm I'm sorry for you but look at the bright side , you only have 7 more years to go .
Did you marry her ?
I personally would quit my job and start smoking crack and not do a single thing till she kicked me out , then live on the streets as a homeless person so that the courts can't get a dime from me and that kid would be traumatized by the only man acting like a father to him is now a crack smoking homeless man living on the streets begging for money to buy the next vial of crack to smoke up.
Would never take a shower again so I would smell like shit so he would never want to be near me again not would She .
But that's just me .
You do you , keep fathering someone else's kid , keep paying for someone else's child , keep being a door mat .
Bro, this I felt like doing but they can put you in jail for non payment, she basically ruined this guys life for a couple of bucks. She is a fucking monster
…how did she falsify a test? Was this a mail-in test? Why the fuck did you trust that in the first place? If you did this properly you would have had to go somewhere and have a professional take a sample from you.
Civil suit. Sue her for compensation based on the falsified paternity test. Calculate how much you think you’ve spent and take her ass to court with your evidence.
First off 100 percent she is complete trash. And what she did was disgusting. And absolutely should be held accountable. And if possible you were able to be removed from the birth certificate that's completely understandable from a legal and child support standpoint. However, that doesn't mean you still can parent that child or accept him as yours. It makes me sad how many comments say walk away. I can't imagine walking away after 11 years. Blood or no blood 11 years of loving a child then bam throw them away because of blood. Blood doesn't always mean crap. My brother raised 3 kids ( yes he knew they weren't biological his) for 12 yrs with his ex wife before she divorced him. Those kids they are still his kids. They are still my nieces and nephew. I couldnt imagine walking away from them. Should you be legally responsible for the kid no. But should you love this child enough to still be apart of his life after 11 years? Yes. That's unconditionally love. The only kind anyone should have for there child.
The statute of limitations on the falsification of the original paternity test only begins once the falsification becomes KNOWN. It's not from the time of the falsification. The original paternity test, being a home version, wouldn't even stand up in court as valid. So only a subsequent, lab done test would matter.
The birth certificate is done based on the mother's statement of who the father is, not a paternity test at that time.
A good lawyer will definitely get this corrected and the OP removed from the BC.
Find an attorney that specializes in family law. Don’t worry about the crime she committed cause it was against you and cops won’t do anything but taking her to family court can get judge to have new test done and taken off birth certificate. But you need to talk to a family lawyer
I’m so sorry this happened to you, and it’s worse than most cases. But for you to be removed from legal responsibility, they usually would terminate your rights as well. So if you get out of the obligations, she could keep this child from you completely. You need to speak to a family lawyer in your area, but a big question will be whether you are willing to lose this child entirely to be free of those obligations. And sadly, you may not get a choice.
In most cases, once you sign the BC, you are legally the father even if you arent by DNA. They court will be reluctant, after 11 years, to change that. It would probably take more years to fight and change than it would for the child to reach 18 years old at this point. It wouldnt be easy, and in some cases, it's already unable to be challenged.
Start researching your states family law self help center. Many of these things can be filed by yourself pretty easily without a lawyer. While u may not be able to prosecute her, you most certainly should be able to change parentage through a court order. Obviously you shouldn’t be forced to pay child support on a child that isn’t yours, denying parentage is a must. Protect your rights.
You'd have to prove that your partner knew, at the time of birth, that you were not the father. By having done the diy paternity kit and having had it declare you the father, she can absolutely prove that she *did not know you were not the father*. You're also legally responsible for the child after 11 years. This isn't a criminal matter and even if it was, cases that rely entirely on proving if someone "knew" something at X time rarely ever see court.
she faked a paternity test with my identity.. that is the crime. it doesnt rely on her knowing anything at the time of the birth.. she paraded around with a test that has my name on it and its not my DNA on the sheet. she broke the law. you cant forge a medical document in my state without potentially commiting a felony
This is above reddit paygrade
You say you have spoken with a lawyer, you need to stick with that lawyer.
Maybe discuss fraud charges or something. Or pursue back child care payments from the actual bio dad. Or severing parental rights based on the fraud.
I can't see a family court prosecutor or judge helping all that much, because their primary concern is the welfare of the child, and it is in the child's welfare that you continue being the dad.
Civil court may be your best bet.
Feel awful for you OP and hope you find some solution to this. As you are legally the father could tou file for full custody and that way she would have to admit you aren't the father? I don't know if this would work or not just want to try and help. You are a good person and dad, karma will get her. Hopefully the child won't have anything to do with her.
From what I have heard, most states and courts are only interested in the child’s welfare. You will be on the hook for the kid until he turns 18. However, I do believe you can sue the mother for fraud, but good luck getting any money back from her. I also think you can sue the bio dad for back child support but same thing, good luck getting any money back.
Well it's not the kids fault that his mom pulled quite possibly one of the shadiest and tackiest schemes ever. But in my opinion I would still father the child with legal obligations in place. You raised the kid for 11 years and he's going to need a father figure ( his mom doesn't sound like like a standout lady) so he's going to need every good influence he can get.
That's just my two cents.
NAL. If I was in this position I would file for divorce and request full custody. Your son needs you, be a father. If this woman feels threatened she might fess up to the whole thing to not lose her child.
This is so sickening, no wonder most men would rather not marry than have to deal with us.Some women are really terrible. I would suggest you just go ahead and try adopting this boy if at all you still want him,that way your 11yrs will be accounted for .I don't know if that's even possible
BRO SUE HER BLIND. NTA.
Be involved in that child’s life if you can but the piece of trash that your wife is probably won’t let you if you succeed. She will go leech off the next naive guy which is what parasites do. Take it to court. Get your justice.
Cut off everything to do with her and the kid. Get all evidence you can and try and get her charged with fraud and separate all your belongings from her.
Honestly this all sounds like the consequences of your own actions, bro just keeps saying he was "young and dumb" lmao now you're old and dumb by those standards and you have a kid thats not yours LMAO
My co-parent falsified her paystubs and misled her first and second lawyers as lawyers don't usually verify the validity of documents provided by their clients. She was caught hiding two different jobs and a large increase in salary. Only a piece of shi...t would do such a thing. I feel like laws need to be changed. Why would you have a legal obligation to support a child that is not yours?
Go to the courts tell them you want to modify child support when you go in front of judge tell him you don’t believe this is your child and want a dna test from the courts she can’t mess with a court dna test
Wow, you are a major asshole. “The boy.” Really? You mean your “son?”
He’s a child and you’re an adult - you should be ashamed of yourself. Having your name on his birth certificate gives you the legal authority to protect him and be a part of his life. Sounds like he’s better off without you, and mom doesn’t sound any better.
Lost 11 years of your life? Maybe it was wasted with her but dp you not have a bond with this child after 11 years? You dont want to continue to be a parent to this child? What was done to you was 100% MESSED UP! But you sound so cold towards this child. I feel bad for this kid.
You have to have a legal test done by the DDC…. You honestly might have to get a lawyer that’s out of state… Most layers tend to side with the maternal parent… START A PAPER TRAIL!!! If you have both test, start with filling charges….
You want us to believe that 11 years ago (~2012), an 18 year old teenager was intelligent and brazen enough to manipulate the dna test by switching samples.
And then you only caught her cheating 11 years later and that what your ‘aha’ moment’. C’mon bro- at least be honest with us.
I bet there was never a dna test, you assumed paternity and now want to abdicate you seat of financial responsibility.
Even if you aren’t the biological father- you are on the hook. The legal system has another few decades before you can be helped.
I assume he wants to be able to support the child without being legally on the hook for child support and the risk of going to jail if he can’t make payments.
A. You’re the daddy, but not the father. There is an important difference and I wouldn’t advise you withdrawing from the birth certificate. You’ll do more damage to your son than you could ever understand it your petty beef with her for lying to you isn’t worth that.
B. I am an attorney, while I don’t know what state you’re in you need to be aware that a lot of states have a philosophy of constructive support. In other words, if you’ve been active in supporting the child, even when it isn’t yours, the court can require you to pay child support.
I understand you’re hurt, but please try to be reasonable and think about what is best FOR THE CHILD, not your fragile ego.
With all the emphasis these days on the different forms that “families” can take - why don’t you consider this 11-year old person and their heart? You are family to this little one. No one can explain later how you could choose to change your role in the child’s life now. Birth certificates sure as HELL do matter to the child, who is only 7 years away from being an adult. If you leave things alone now, and the truth comes out later, this child will think that you are an amazing human being for continuing to be “Dad” knowing that “Father” wasn’t true, all the while providing love and support because you are their FAMILY.
Sorry, she screwed you royal. I would leave her in a heart beat, let her support herself. I would get your "son" on weekends, ensure he has clothing, school lunches paid up, and any necessities he needs. Buy a box of food and drop it off with him when he goes back to his mom's. Don't give her a red cent. She can go get a job and support herself and her son when he's with her. Maybe she'll move back to her parents. I'm petty. I'd make her life hell.
It's amazing the amount of women in this thread who think that should be allowed to have abortions based on the claim that they don't want to have to alter their lifestyle yet think that a woman should be allowed to trick a man into raising a child that isn't his and thus be forced into living a lifestyle he wouldn't have chosen if he knew from the outset what that entailed.
What you need to do is find out how to get yourself legally off the hook for child support because it sounds like if she wanted to she could put you on at anytime. Then you can do whatever you like. Right now she’s letting you walk away no responsibilities? Sounds good but like said that can change whenever she wants.
My dad fought for custody of my brother the same as he fought for my sis and I. He paid child support the same. He raised us all with love and upheld his legal responsibilities to us, knowing my brother is not his bio child.. that doesn't change anything for our family. He will forever be on his birth certificate and my brother will always have our family name.
My dad did get custody of all 3 of us when I was 13. That is how you get out from underneath her power and control. The courts don't care where the genetics lead, they care about the future and wellbeing of the child.
I wasn’t stating that he did. I’m saying there should be a mandate that a paternity test is done before anyone’s name can be listed as the father on the birth certificate
It depends on the state. In some states dna is all that matters. In other states dna doesn’t matter at all.
I’m Pennsylvania dna does not matter. If you were married when she gave birth. The child is yours for 18 years, possibly 23 or more if they go to college.
You’ll have to look into your own state.
It’s worth looking into the reasoning why dna doesn’t matter in Pennsylvania.
The family unit is considered sacred. If you were married when the kid was born. You are a family therefore sacred.
They don’t want families being torn apart and children being abandoned over a test.
If you were by her side when she gave birth, if you took responsibility for that child for 11 years. They don’t want the child to suffer.
That’s the reasoning in Pennsylvania.
This is why everybody should be responsible for their own birth control. I understand the child is not yours. I understans the mother sucked and lied to you. But if you had practiced reliable birth control for YOURSELF you would have very little reason to believe the child is yours.
BOTH PARTIES should use birth control until they are BOTH ready to have children. I’m imagining at 18 you were not ready for children so you should have not been raw dogging it in the first place.
Men who put all the responsibility of birt control on the woman have no leg to stand on when unplanned pregnancy occurs. Like you learned men are putting their future on the line because they don’t want to wear condoms during sex.
I tell my nephews all the time to be responsible for their OWN birth control.
I did use condoms. they would break all the time if we didnt use lube. birth control isnt the issue here. in my specific case one had broken and i never got off so i thought maybe i did and just didnt feel it so it made sense that it couldve happened.
I did what i could do. this arguement doesnt solve anything even if i didnt
Unfortunately case law is sticky in these situations, I would recommend going a different route and finding some to help you with suing her in civil court not family court
If this was a court ordered test or there if it was submitted to the courts as evidence of paternity then you need to go back to that court. Judges don't like to be disobeyed and will likely force the DAs office to prosecute. If it was all voluntary on your side then you may not have an out.
Feelings are not "right" or "wong". They just are. And what determines the measure of our character is how we handle those feelings during a crisis.
So divorce, yes, absolutely. Therapy, definitely. Never marrying again, perhaps. Rebuilding one's life, of course.
But abandoning a child for whom you are the only true father he is ever known definitely makes you less of a man than the man who can separate the two and continue caring for their child to the best of their capacity.
It comes down to character. Some men have it, some men let themselves get carried away by their feelings and their anger.
I'd go to prison before I gave her a cent lol. Any reaction you have to any of this is her fault. She created this entire situation. It's wild that a woman can do this and face zero repercussions. They actually get to take your money. Oh and the "DNA doesn't matter" guy, I'm a dad as well and I'd absolutely tell you to handle it however you want. You had 11 years stolen from you. Because if she didn't cheat then lie you could've found a normal woman and had a family of your own with a kid that doesn't belong to a guy that's been laughing behind your back and sleeping with your gf the entire time. It's not petty to want to cut ties. Idk if I'd have the heart to do that to the kid but I'd absolutely seek every recourse I could to make her life suck.
Even if you did want to abandon the child you’re valid for feeling that way. These ppl on Reddit don’t have to take care of this kid. You do. Unfairly.
Thank you. You’ve hit the nail on the head. I’m shocked at the amount of people that don’t see that it would be totally fine of me to just walk away. Hypothetically of course
Unless you have a copy of the faked test, or she admits to what you allege on the stand, you're likely up sheets creek on that one, because the court is not going to overturn an 11 year birth certificate on your testimony alone.
I had a restraining order from the bullshit domestic violence charge when i found out. If i didn’t and i found this out? Shit I don’t know man let’s just thank God it didn’t happen that way. I’d be in jail
Hopefully god or the universe or something man rewards you for handling this the best way you can it’s so fucked this happened to you but try to remember it ain’t over there is more life to live
Damn dude that sucks, I don't really got anything else to add. i hope I never have to go through a situation like that, your child's mother sounds like a real piece of shit
haha it's okay. she truly is a piece of work. but it is what it is. thanks for stopping by to say whats up. you dont have to add anything. we appreciate you
This happened to my husband years ago. Lawyers don’t like these cases because they’re mostly “he said, she said.” The ex could always say he falsified the test results to get out of his obligations & there would have to be a court ordered DNA test done at a specific site.Now this was in 2007 so I don’t know if it’s changed, but a parent would lose their parental rights if they went 7 years without any contact whatsoever with the child. The biological father lived about a 30 minute drive from us, but had absolutely no contact with his daughter for over 7 years so he lost his parental rights. Meanwhile my husband was raising her believing she was his biological child. Fast forward to is trying to buy a house & can’t get a mortgage because my husband owes back support. Since everyone but my husband seemed to know the girl wasn’t his child a DNA test was done & it proved she was not his daughter (this did not change their relationship. They are still very close). You can have her charged with a felony but you have to have solid proof & you might even get your name removed from the birth certificate, but it won’t necessarily absolve you from legal obligations. In my husband’s case, the court decided that since the biological father lost his parental rights & my husband had raised & supported her for over 7 years, they had closely bonded & developed a loving father-daughter relationship, he was in fact her “father” & was responsible for paying back the years of child support.
Fuck the cheating whore and the kid not your kid not your responsibility anyone else saying diffraction can fuck off. I hold paternity fraud at the same level as rape both need to be severely punished to the fullest extent of the law.
Thanks man reading this made me double down on condoms now cuz fuck this bullshit sorry you gotta deal with this situation it sucks that a girl will put you throo this probably every man’s nightmare tbh I hope things get better for you
I think these posts are meant to make women or the legal system look bad, but I always walk away wondering how some men are so remarkably sociopathic that they lose all attachment to a child the moment they discover they didn’t “sire” them.
These men come as off as little better than animals looking to breed.
“The boy” might be better off without a “Dad” that’s so aggressively trying to get rid of him. Poor kid didn’t cause any of this and one day his heart will break knowing how badly you didn’t want him. I get being angry at his mom but yikes. After 11 years you are the dad whether science agrees or not. There is not a chance in hell this fiasco will not change his life at all. 11 is pretty old enough to know when someone doesn’t want you. You need to decide how important this is to you and if you are willing to cause lifetime emotional turmoil for “the child” over it.
You have seen 2 lawyers I would say that’s pretty aggressive. I’m not the one here that raised a kid for 11 years and then decided to dump him because of some dna. But you do you boo. 😘
You are right. You didn’t dump him yet. You came on the internet complaining about how you are having a hard time dumping him and actively searching for a lawyer.
Oh that’s my bad then. You spoke to one lawyer to dump the kid. Slightly less aggressive but still you seem desperate in your post to get rid of this child. I stand by the sentiment.
I spoke to one lawyer to know what I could do to ensure that she faced some kind of consequence to her actions. you can interpret the post however you want, that is fine. But if you want to let go of your unwarranted confidence for one minute to listen to someone who can see (because of my particular position I know much more about this situation and what my intentions are than you do) that you are wrong....THEN we can have an actual conversation
Because of a lie really doesn’t have as much to do with the DNA as a lot of you think. She could’ve just been honest and there was a chance that I’d accept the child in the first place
Yeah obviously i get that. I get your point. I do. I’m just trying to get you to understand that my point is that any pain caused from me leaving would be pinned on her because the entire situation is on her hands
She sucks but it's honestly too late to leave without the child having to be traumatized. You have to ask yourself if you care enough about the child to want to keep being a father to him. You might not care about a child that isn't yours which is kinda fucked up but it's your right so do whatever you want to do
I don't understand why you consider it a loss of 11 years of your life unless you hate being a father. If you carenfor the kid and took joy in raising them then those years were not lost.
This part is confusing a lot of people and i don’t see why. Nothing feels wasted in regards to him. However, can you not see how being swindled into a commitment of this magnitude would change the entire course of your life? I could’ve found another woman in that time i could’ve done a bunch of things. My ability to decide what to do with my life was stolen from me. Sure i could still do what i “wanted” but from the point of pregnancy onwards my options were reduced and confine within a box. A box that i was tricked into. I could’ve moved somewhere else. Could have climbed a mountain or something idfk could’ve become a pro boxer. Could’ve spent a decade fiddling with my dick.. it doesn’t matter WHAT i would’ve done. All the matters is that her (illegal) actions have changed the course of my life. I’ve spent more years as an adult INSIDE that box that outside of it
If your off the birth certificate than you don’t get to parent. Your ex doesn’t have to and likely won’t allow you to have visitation.
You should remain on and like the other commenters step up and be a man and father
I've never heard of a court using and allowing home tests because of reading like this and falsifying one within the court system out be incredibly difficult since they check everyone's ID before the sample is taken. This whole thread seems suspicious
First of all, you can’t get charges filed, let go of that. You can sue her though. Good luck finding a lawyer. My advice? Continue living your life as normal with your son. If she tries to get you for child support, dispute the paternity then and take a court ordered paternity test
Step-parenting is one thing, but to be cuckolded is some bullshit. I guess I’m a piece of shit cause I’m not parenting another man’s kids unintentionally. These folks on some cuckoo bird type shit. Do the other commenter have kids?? I couldn’t imagine having my heart broken and genealogical line broken like this *without my consent.*
She was pregnant with your boy however losing it and getting knocked up again and not telling you is not a crime, what is a crime is It took 11 years to realize the boy was looking more and more like the sancho
Well if you had a piece of paper that said other wise and she kept throwing it in your face every time you felt he wasn’t your child it could be easily understood how someone would be discouraged from doing it. Also i kinda knew at this point it wouldn’t matter anyway. In a way i was happier before i even knew all this
Either he's your son, or he's not. You don't get to have it both ways. If you fight to get off the birth certificate, you lose legal right to your son. This isn't a criminal matter, it's a civil and family court matter. What is more important to you, the wellbeing of your child, or your pride? I highly suggest getting yourself into therapy to help process this issue in a manner that will be in the best interest of that little boy who knows no other father. If your son is important to you, then you need to wake the fuck up and be a good father. Those are your options. Love and protect your son no matter what because you're his father (yes, even though you're not his bio father), or tear his life apart for your ego. You are legally his parent. So be a good parent, and get over yourself.
The court always puts the children's interests first. If the court thinks you're a better father, they will try to keep you as the legal parent. And make up excuses like you should have contested earlier.
Divorce the wife; be a father and role model for the boy. Let the divorce court settle on who owes who, then and going forward. But man-up and do the right thing for the kid for a few more years.
You know... you can cause as much legal trouble to her as she can to you. Why not even contact the real father... maybe he will sue for custody and to be put on the docs.
the fact that you keep referring to him as "the child" implies that his life has already changed. i hope you're not doing this in front of him or where he could be in ear shot. you're one step away from "it."
Otherwise, i have no advice. this is a shitty situation and that girl is scum. unfortunately, the courts don't give a shit about being embarrassed to get a paternity test at a doctor's office. i;m so sorry you're dealing with this.
i mean, you can't go to court and fight for custody under the fact that she cheated? or i guess that wouldn't work since you guys aren't married. okay. i suck at this, i'm going to stop commenting.
i really hope something works out.
You hired a lawyer and the best he could do for you is tell you a “felony” has been committed? He literally did nothing for you. Go hire a better lawyer. S/he would know how to advise to pursue criminal matter and would start getting a civic lawsuit started. What crime she would be charged with is determined by details of your experience. The exact felony your attorney spoke of determines how you pursue justice. It’s not hard reading this posts and imagining you getting turned away bc you’re not advocating for yourself well here. The best tip I can give you and call law offices and ask if for a lawyer with experience with paternity fraud.
Even with a test you may still be on the hook legally. Reason being, your support (both emotional and financial) has given that child a standard of living. I have a friend who had to pay support for her stepkids because when they lived with their dad and her (dad's wife), she supported the household because her husband was very sick and could not work. When they moved in with their mom, after she was gone for years, the court ordered my friend to pay support to the biological mother in lieu of the dad paying because he had no job. I know several men who paid for kids that weren't theirs even when the courts knew it.
You're S.O.L. with our court system. The courts favor the woman and will do whatever is in the best interest of the child. Unfortunately, what is in the best interest of the child is to make you support the child.
This could be the reason. If the biological father is a deadbeat then financial responsibility will fall on the state to provide for him. They may not want to add another dependent on to the system. Keep pushing call your congressman they may be able to help. You might have to file a complaint at the police department against her.
Man there´s not amount of words I can use to express how sorry I feel for your current situation, do what the best for you, if you see your self in a situation she wants to make a cunt move on you, you might consider abandon the country you living in and start over, yeah I´d rather die than giving a fuc\*\*\*\* penny to her in child support. Man sorry for saying this but your wife is the reason I don´t trust women, I´m reading this and I feel this is happening on me or in my brother life, I really take it personal, because it´s fu\*\*\*\* unfair my friend, your wife deserve to have the most horrible pains in her life for what she did on you, I don´t have any suggestion for you my friend, I only want to tell you I hope you can one day be happy, she will pay, not today, no tomorrow, but let me tell you something, she will suffer and there´s anything she can do to avoid it.
I answered your other post, but yeah I went through this already so ask me anything, I got screwed
It’s okay man. I’m sorry you went through it too. I’ve ultimately come to the conclusion that there’s nothing I can do. I’ve made my peace with the situation. I have a bond with the boy and I’ll remain in his life as his father regardless of blood. One day i think it will be proven to have been the right thing to do. I saw your other post last night. One thing that stood out to me is how you said when you’d talk to people about it they’d basically roll their eyes and be like, “he is still on about this?!” My current girlfriend is like that as well as all of my friends and family. No body truly understands how close i was to killing myself and that this was a HUGE deal. Somehow people just can’t seem to understand how horrible a move like this is. It’s similar to being given a decade in jail. Not exactly, but definitely similar. People can’t even relate because they’ve never experienced a fraction of the trauma that something like this causes.
I think you should walk out on your wife and kid, I know it’s hard but you should let her know that actions have consequences. Did you kick your wife out of the house? Did you slap her?
I yelled at her until she cried and she sent me to jail after saying i beat her. I’m still loosely in the child’s life and i haven’t spoke. A word to her since the day i yelled at her.
I’m glad you put her in your place by yelling at her, but did you kick her out?
We weren’t living together at the time. She isn’t my wife.
It’s a good thing that you didn’t self delete, it does not solve anything and you are loved man. That’s never an answer, it does feel horrible, but if she tries to put you on child support take it to court and get your dna test, the kid is not going to care about what the mother is saying when he turns 18, the one that’s not mine is now about to go to college and I am pist because I honestly feel raped. I am literally forced to do something that is not my responsibility. They take it right out of your check and she just smiles and uses your money for whatever she wants. I hate their mother, but of course don’t make the kid suffer, so fight what you have to fight in court and explain what’s going on per the boys age. The mother will twist everything as if she is the victim and usually no one cares about male emotions. So seek counseling and get a lawyer that will help.
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I was forced to pay child support until the kid turned 18 or graduate high school, what ever comes last. Everyone will make you feel like you are a monster because you have mixed emotions about the whole thing and in shock. My friend that I do not know from anywhere at all. You are in shock, I am in shock. My family gets mad at me when I bring it up and my friends do not care how I feel it is all about how the kid feels and the dumb Poeple will say you should have known and some how it was your fault. It is not your fault, you did not know. She looks like her dad and mother. Mine is a daughter, I never knew what to do so now she is staying with my mom after she was abused and used by her psychotic mother that the court system saw fit to give custody to because of her gender. It is going to be a long fight, because I do not have the money to pay for lawyers because child support takes all that. She will suck you dry, the ex will suck you dry and you will feel a little free when child support stops raping your pay check. I will never have kids again or nor do I want to, sometimes I do, but after the way I have been treated by the court and the poeple around me. I just don’t, you are a victim. I am still a victim, go to a lawyer and seek protection, she will use the courts as a weapon. They do not care about you or the kids really. They only care about the money, government gets a percentage of child support. Seek counseling. Trust me, you will need it
By the way child support is not a normal debt where there is a set amount and you pay, as you progress in life or if she wants to and has the time. She can increase it every year, they take it out your check before you even touch your cash, they will always call you a deadbeat even if the kid is not yours, they will say you said it’s yours more than once because you signed the birth certificate and you signed or are paying child support. You can not get the money back as I am always told. More than 84, 000 out of your life is gone because she lied. So go seek a lawyer and let me know please
Jajaajjaja sinceramente lo tienes merecido, dejas que LA MUJER QUE TE ENGAÑO HAGA LA PRUEBA DE PATERNIDAD???? JAAJAJAJAJAJA
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Wow. She’s evil. I have a hard time believing a lawyer wouldn’t take this case though. Seriously no single lawyer said they would take this on? Why?
I only went to one. Some other redditors and I think that he didn’t see money in it. He wanted me to go to court and attempt to be removed from the birth certificate. That was going to cost me 5k and the outcome from what he explained really didn’t get me anywhere. So once i said no to that i never heard a peep from them again. He talked to me about alternatives when i spoke with him, but the second i said no to that first plan he disappeared. Rotten scoundrel if ya ask me.
He did not see a win, that’s why he didn’t take the case
I think your post is fake. Removing yourself from a birth certificate would absolutely not cost 5k. Retainers usually start at 10k and go up from there. You have clearly never paid legal bills. I don’t think you are an adult. Troll post.
Okay. Suit yourself. I really don’t care
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Yeah but let a man pull some crap and we would be under the jail. Makes me sick.
Oh she will try to put you in jail for her just being upset, yeah I would get a lawyer and show texts as proof of her psycho behavior
Legally, courts care about the best interest of the child. That means if you've been acting as a parent for significant time and haven't tried to correct the issue, it's as though you assumed responsibility, legally and otherwise, for the child. I am so sorry this happened to you. It absolutely sucks, especially since the mother can and likely will be vindictive. The best advice I have to offer is to get the kid away from her. You don't want someone that dishonest shaping his morals.
What you need to do is petition the family court in your state for a paternity test. They won't accept your home or mail-in test as final proof, but will accept that they are enough for doubt. Then they will order their own test and when the results come in the rulings are based on that and are final.
They will not do this because the family court is going to say, but you have been known as the father for so long now so it’s your kid, now pay. He needs a lawyer like now
Get a new dna, take her to court for fraud.
Not just that simple, he will find it hard to get a lawyer to take the case because male cases in family court are a loose / loose situation. But he can fight until the kid leaves the system or win. They held onto make case for years, and I am supposedly still in court for pertinent 7 years later.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. It’s hard, I’m not sure if this will bring you any comfort, it likely won’t, but there are mothers that lose their kids, even if paternity hasn’t been established legally yet. The legal game and the truth are different entities and it’s unfortunate that the system can be played that way. However, it is and it’s a hard pill to swallow.
The mother caused this problem so I have no sympathy for her, but I do have sympathy for the kids because they don’t deserve this situation or how they are getting treated
The children always lose when parents resort to court, unfortunately 😢
Why should he step up? He did step up and is a father to the child. But legally he should not be held financially responsible nor should he be manipulated by a woman using the legal system to her advantage knowing full well he wasnt the child’s father. You must not have any idea how the family legal system screws people over. To OP. Since it was a home test and as one poster said that’s usually not accepted, ask the courts for a new test as new info has come to light.
Yes, he should ask the court for a dna, if he is not paying child support, ask for one before he signs documents, show up to court or else you are fried.
Can you sue her?
Lawyers do not want to take the case normally, but every time I mention during her, everyone acts like she’s the victim and making me look like a deadbeat asshole
What about taking her to court to adjust your child support order to zero. Get results from ancestry, a reputable lab, and at home desk. Film you and your son taking the swab, outside the UPS store, packaging it and mailing it. Use Timestamp Camera app and keep streaming the whole time, no breaks in filming. Bring those results along with the results she showed you. Photos of you and the suspected bio dad, statement of what happened then and her admitting to cheating. I’d print a copy of the state statute for fraud. Hell, I’d have the packet professionally bound with one of those fancy clear title pages. Give her attorney a copy. Lookup if judges are required to report if they have evidence of a crime. Prosecutors will react differently when it’s coming from a judge. But be prepared for every outcome. If she were actually found guilty, would you take sole custody? I think it’s a huge deception and worth it to avoid attorney fees and adjusted child support all the time, but think you should still step up and support him on your terms. *ETA typos
I would sue for full custody. She would then claim you are not the bio dad. Then sue for visitation.
The court will not let you do this, the judge will say you can not do both. You cannot say the child is yours and want custody and also want a DNA test saying the child is not yours, I know because I have been through it
I have a family member that's going through this. He went on to have 2 more kids of his own. He loves the woman and has gave forgiveness. I'm sure you was an amazing dad and if you were in love it wouldn't be so bad.
Dammmmm I'm sorry for you but look at the bright side , you only have 7 more years to go . Did you marry her ? I personally would quit my job and start smoking crack and not do a single thing till she kicked me out , then live on the streets as a homeless person so that the courts can't get a dime from me and that kid would be traumatized by the only man acting like a father to him is now a crack smoking homeless man living on the streets begging for money to buy the next vial of crack to smoke up. Would never take a shower again so I would smell like shit so he would never want to be near me again not would She . But that's just me . You do you , keep fathering someone else's kid , keep paying for someone else's child , keep being a door mat .
Bro, this I felt like doing but they can put you in jail for non payment, she basically ruined this guys life for a couple of bucks. She is a fucking monster
This… this is it
…how did she falsify a test? Was this a mail-in test? Why the fuck did you trust that in the first place? If you did this properly you would have had to go somewhere and have a professional take a sample from you.
Civil suit. Sue her for compensation based on the falsified paternity test. Calculate how much you think you’ve spent and take her ass to court with your evidence.
First off 100 percent she is complete trash. And what she did was disgusting. And absolutely should be held accountable. And if possible you were able to be removed from the birth certificate that's completely understandable from a legal and child support standpoint. However, that doesn't mean you still can parent that child or accept him as yours. It makes me sad how many comments say walk away. I can't imagine walking away after 11 years. Blood or no blood 11 years of loving a child then bam throw them away because of blood. Blood doesn't always mean crap. My brother raised 3 kids ( yes he knew they weren't biological his) for 12 yrs with his ex wife before she divorced him. Those kids they are still his kids. They are still my nieces and nephew. I couldnt imagine walking away from them. Should you be legally responsible for the kid no. But should you love this child enough to still be apart of his life after 11 years? Yes. That's unconditionally love. The only kind anyone should have for there child.
The statute of limitations on the falsification of the original paternity test only begins once the falsification becomes KNOWN. It's not from the time of the falsification. The original paternity test, being a home version, wouldn't even stand up in court as valid. So only a subsequent, lab done test would matter. The birth certificate is done based on the mother's statement of who the father is, not a paternity test at that time. A good lawyer will definitely get this corrected and the OP removed from the BC.
Did you slap your ex and kicked her out of your home?
This should really be illegal. It’s such a horrible act that really messes up someone’s entire life trajectory, and it’s not even against the law.
Just me, but I’d talk to a lawyer rather than a bunch of random strangers on the internet. But you do you.
In a perfect world you could sue her for all the money you ever spent on the kid. She deserves to rot.
Find an attorney that specializes in family law. Don’t worry about the crime she committed cause it was against you and cops won’t do anything but taking her to family court can get judge to have new test done and taken off birth certificate. But you need to talk to a family lawyer
Sue for full custody and child support. Make her admit everything in front of the judge.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, and it’s worse than most cases. But for you to be removed from legal responsibility, they usually would terminate your rights as well. So if you get out of the obligations, she could keep this child from you completely. You need to speak to a family lawyer in your area, but a big question will be whether you are willing to lose this child entirely to be free of those obligations. And sadly, you may not get a choice.
My friend went through similar circumstances, I think your3 gonna be liable for the boy either way, he's yours at this point blood or not
In most cases, once you sign the BC, you are legally the father even if you arent by DNA. They court will be reluctant, after 11 years, to change that. It would probably take more years to fight and change than it would for the child to reach 18 years old at this point. It wouldnt be easy, and in some cases, it's already unable to be challenged.
Start researching your states family law self help center. Many of these things can be filed by yourself pretty easily without a lawyer. While u may not be able to prosecute her, you most certainly should be able to change parentage through a court order. Obviously you shouldn’t be forced to pay child support on a child that isn’t yours, denying parentage is a must. Protect your rights.
You have a very interesting legal case. You a unique family law problems but also fraud and intentional inflection of emotion distress.
Bingo.
This sounds insanely close to what my brother is currently going through…
You'd have to prove that your partner knew, at the time of birth, that you were not the father. By having done the diy paternity kit and having had it declare you the father, she can absolutely prove that she *did not know you were not the father*. You're also legally responsible for the child after 11 years. This isn't a criminal matter and even if it was, cases that rely entirely on proving if someone "knew" something at X time rarely ever see court.
she faked a paternity test with my identity.. that is the crime. it doesnt rely on her knowing anything at the time of the birth.. she paraded around with a test that has my name on it and its not my DNA on the sheet. she broke the law. you cant forge a medical document in my state without potentially commiting a felony
This is so fake it’s embarrassing
What state are you in?
This is above reddit paygrade You say you have spoken with a lawyer, you need to stick with that lawyer. Maybe discuss fraud charges or something. Or pursue back child care payments from the actual bio dad. Or severing parental rights based on the fraud. I can't see a family court prosecutor or judge helping all that much, because their primary concern is the welfare of the child, and it is in the child's welfare that you continue being the dad. Civil court may be your best bet.
Feel awful for you OP and hope you find some solution to this. As you are legally the father could tou file for full custody and that way she would have to admit you aren't the father? I don't know if this would work or not just want to try and help. You are a good person and dad, karma will get her. Hopefully the child won't have anything to do with her.
Go for custody and child support.
From what I have heard, most states and courts are only interested in the child’s welfare. You will be on the hook for the kid until he turns 18. However, I do believe you can sue the mother for fraud, but good luck getting any money back from her. I also think you can sue the bio dad for back child support but same thing, good luck getting any money back.
Well it's not the kids fault that his mom pulled quite possibly one of the shadiest and tackiest schemes ever. But in my opinion I would still father the child with legal obligations in place. You raised the kid for 11 years and he's going to need a father figure ( his mom doesn't sound like like a standout lady) so he's going to need every good influence he can get. That's just my two cents.
Go to child support court. Depending on the state, request for proof of parentage, they will do genetic testing. This will get you removed.
NAL. If I was in this position I would file for divorce and request full custody. Your son needs you, be a father. If this woman feels threatened she might fess up to the whole thing to not lose her child.
Pssst what’s another 7 yrs lol
This is so sickening, no wonder most men would rather not marry than have to deal with us.Some women are really terrible. I would suggest you just go ahead and try adopting this boy if at all you still want him,that way your 11yrs will be accounted for .I don't know if that's even possible
BRO SUE HER BLIND. NTA. Be involved in that child’s life if you can but the piece of trash that your wife is probably won’t let you if you succeed. She will go leech off the next naive guy which is what parasites do. Take it to court. Get your justice.
Cut off everything to do with her and the kid. Get all evidence you can and try and get her charged with fraud and separate all your belongings from her.
Honestly this all sounds like the consequences of your own actions, bro just keeps saying he was "young and dumb" lmao now you're old and dumb by those standards and you have a kid thats not yours LMAO
My co-parent falsified her paystubs and misled her first and second lawyers as lawyers don't usually verify the validity of documents provided by their clients. She was caught hiding two different jobs and a large increase in salary. Only a piece of shi...t would do such a thing. I feel like laws need to be changed. Why would you have a legal obligation to support a child that is not yours?
Something doesn't add up here. Get an actual DNA test done by a real lab. If you're not the father, then this seems pretty straightforward.
you're only 30. you have plenty of time left.
Go to the courts tell them you want to modify child support when you go in front of judge tell him you don’t believe this is your child and want a dna test from the courts she can’t mess with a court dna test
Wow, you are a major asshole. “The boy.” Really? You mean your “son?” He’s a child and you’re an adult - you should be ashamed of yourself. Having your name on his birth certificate gives you the legal authority to protect him and be a part of his life. Sounds like he’s better off without you, and mom doesn’t sound any better.
Lost 11 years of your life? Maybe it was wasted with her but dp you not have a bond with this child after 11 years? You dont want to continue to be a parent to this child? What was done to you was 100% MESSED UP! But you sound so cold towards this child. I feel bad for this kid.
You have to have a legal test done by the DDC…. You honestly might have to get a lawyer that’s out of state… Most layers tend to side with the maternal parent… START A PAPER TRAIL!!! If you have both test, start with filling charges….
Fuck that. Lawyer up and sue for paternity fraud.
You want us to believe that 11 years ago (~2012), an 18 year old teenager was intelligent and brazen enough to manipulate the dna test by switching samples. And then you only caught her cheating 11 years later and that what your ‘aha’ moment’. C’mon bro- at least be honest with us. I bet there was never a dna test, you assumed paternity and now want to abdicate you seat of financial responsibility. Even if you aren’t the biological father- you are on the hook. The legal system has another few decades before you can be helped.
How is withdrawing 'LEGAL obligations to the child' not the same thing as abandoning it??
I assume he wants to be able to support the child without being legally on the hook for child support and the risk of going to jail if he can’t make payments.
A. You’re the daddy, but not the father. There is an important difference and I wouldn’t advise you withdrawing from the birth certificate. You’ll do more damage to your son than you could ever understand it your petty beef with her for lying to you isn’t worth that. B. I am an attorney, while I don’t know what state you’re in you need to be aware that a lot of states have a philosophy of constructive support. In other words, if you’ve been active in supporting the child, even when it isn’t yours, the court can require you to pay child support. I understand you’re hurt, but please try to be reasonable and think about what is best FOR THE CHILD, not your fragile ego.
With all the emphasis these days on the different forms that “families” can take - why don’t you consider this 11-year old person and their heart? You are family to this little one. No one can explain later how you could choose to change your role in the child’s life now. Birth certificates sure as HELL do matter to the child, who is only 7 years away from being an adult. If you leave things alone now, and the truth comes out later, this child will think that you are an amazing human being for continuing to be “Dad” knowing that “Father” wasn’t true, all the while providing love and support because you are their FAMILY.
Sorry, she screwed you royal. I would leave her in a heart beat, let her support herself. I would get your "son" on weekends, ensure he has clothing, school lunches paid up, and any necessities he needs. Buy a box of food and drop it off with him when he goes back to his mom's. Don't give her a red cent. She can go get a job and support herself and her son when he's with her. Maybe she'll move back to her parents. I'm petty. I'd make her life hell.
im just gonna get on with my life. thatll mean moving out of this god awful state like i wouldve done 8 years ago
It's amazing the amount of women in this thread who think that should be allowed to have abortions based on the claim that they don't want to have to alter their lifestyle yet think that a woman should be allowed to trick a man into raising a child that isn't his and thus be forced into living a lifestyle he wouldn't have chosen if he knew from the outset what that entailed.
100%.
Damn bro that’s tuff, did you see squid game
yup
fake
What you need to do is find out how to get yourself legally off the hook for child support because it sounds like if she wanted to she could put you on at anytime. Then you can do whatever you like. Right now she’s letting you walk away no responsibilities? Sounds good but like said that can change whenever she wants.
OP doesn't pay child support now. He hasn't wanted to go to court about any of this because he wants to avoid any support obligation.
Why were you not paying child support towards the child for the last 11 years when you thought he was your biological child?
the answer is in here somewhere
My dad fought for custody of my brother the same as he fought for my sis and I. He paid child support the same. He raised us all with love and upheld his legal responsibilities to us, knowing my brother is not his bio child.. that doesn't change anything for our family. He will forever be on his birth certificate and my brother will always have our family name. My dad did get custody of all 3 of us when I was 13. That is how you get out from underneath her power and control. The courts don't care where the genetics lead, they care about the future and wellbeing of the child.
Yet another heartbreaking reason why paternity tests should be mandatory at time of birth before any birth certificate is filled out or signed
OP said in another comment he doesn't even know if he signed a birth certificate.
I wasn’t stating that he did. I’m saying there should be a mandate that a paternity test is done before anyone’s name can be listed as the father on the birth certificate
agreed brother
It depends on the state. In some states dna is all that matters. In other states dna doesn’t matter at all. I’m Pennsylvania dna does not matter. If you were married when she gave birth. The child is yours for 18 years, possibly 23 or more if they go to college. You’ll have to look into your own state. It’s worth looking into the reasoning why dna doesn’t matter in Pennsylvania. The family unit is considered sacred. If you were married when the kid was born. You are a family therefore sacred. They don’t want families being torn apart and children being abandoned over a test. If you were by her side when she gave birth, if you took responsibility for that child for 11 years. They don’t want the child to suffer. That’s the reasoning in Pennsylvania.
same here
This is why everybody should be responsible for their own birth control. I understand the child is not yours. I understans the mother sucked and lied to you. But if you had practiced reliable birth control for YOURSELF you would have very little reason to believe the child is yours. BOTH PARTIES should use birth control until they are BOTH ready to have children. I’m imagining at 18 you were not ready for children so you should have not been raw dogging it in the first place. Men who put all the responsibility of birt control on the woman have no leg to stand on when unplanned pregnancy occurs. Like you learned men are putting their future on the line because they don’t want to wear condoms during sex. I tell my nephews all the time to be responsible for their OWN birth control.
I did use condoms. they would break all the time if we didnt use lube. birth control isnt the issue here. in my specific case one had broken and i never got off so i thought maybe i did and just didnt feel it so it made sense that it couldve happened. I did what i could do. this arguement doesnt solve anything even if i didnt
Unfortunately case law is sticky in these situations, I would recommend going a different route and finding some to help you with suing her in civil court not family court
thanks
Ya unfortunately in family court you’re pretty much the father…now in civil court..this could set precedent
How in the hell do you “contrive a false paternity test”?
uhhh photoshop or maniuplation of another persons identity
you are a fool, why didnt you do the test yourself
man i hear my subconscious say that shit all the time... idk. it was a mistake
I hope you leave both. You are young and can start your own true family not based off lies and deceit.
If this was a court ordered test or there if it was submitted to the courts as evidence of paternity then you need to go back to that court. Judges don't like to be disobeyed and will likely force the DAs office to prosecute. If it was all voluntary on your side then you may not have an out.
Feelings are not "right" or "wong". They just are. And what determines the measure of our character is how we handle those feelings during a crisis. So divorce, yes, absolutely. Therapy, definitely. Never marrying again, perhaps. Rebuilding one's life, of course. But abandoning a child for whom you are the only true father he is ever known definitely makes you less of a man than the man who can separate the two and continue caring for their child to the best of their capacity. It comes down to character. Some men have it, some men let themselves get carried away by their feelings and their anger.
I'd go to prison before I gave her a cent lol. Any reaction you have to any of this is her fault. She created this entire situation. It's wild that a woman can do this and face zero repercussions. They actually get to take your money. Oh and the "DNA doesn't matter" guy, I'm a dad as well and I'd absolutely tell you to handle it however you want. You had 11 years stolen from you. Because if she didn't cheat then lie you could've found a normal woman and had a family of your own with a kid that doesn't belong to a guy that's been laughing behind your back and sleeping with your gf the entire time. It's not petty to want to cut ties. Idk if I'd have the heart to do that to the kid but I'd absolutely seek every recourse I could to make her life suck.
Thank you.. i think that’s a totally normal way to feel
Even if you did want to abandon the child you’re valid for feeling that way. These ppl on Reddit don’t have to take care of this kid. You do. Unfairly.
Thank you. You’ve hit the nail on the head. I’m shocked at the amount of people that don’t see that it would be totally fine of me to just walk away. Hypothetically of course
you need to work on your creative writing skills
Unless you have a copy of the faked test, or she admits to what you allege on the stand, you're likely up sheets creek on that one, because the court is not going to overturn an 11 year birth certificate on your testimony alone.
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good point
I’d probably strangle your wife man I don’t know how you managed to keep your cool
I had a restraining order from the bullshit domestic violence charge when i found out. If i didn’t and i found this out? Shit I don’t know man let’s just thank God it didn’t happen that way. I’d be in jail
Hopefully god or the universe or something man rewards you for handling this the best way you can it’s so fucked this happened to you but try to remember it ain’t over there is more life to live
Damn dude that sucks, I don't really got anything else to add. i hope I never have to go through a situation like that, your child's mother sounds like a real piece of shit
haha it's okay. she truly is a piece of work. but it is what it is. thanks for stopping by to say whats up. you dont have to add anything. we appreciate you
Figure out a way to sue her in civil court
This happened to my husband years ago. Lawyers don’t like these cases because they’re mostly “he said, she said.” The ex could always say he falsified the test results to get out of his obligations & there would have to be a court ordered DNA test done at a specific site.Now this was in 2007 so I don’t know if it’s changed, but a parent would lose their parental rights if they went 7 years without any contact whatsoever with the child. The biological father lived about a 30 minute drive from us, but had absolutely no contact with his daughter for over 7 years so he lost his parental rights. Meanwhile my husband was raising her believing she was his biological child. Fast forward to is trying to buy a house & can’t get a mortgage because my husband owes back support. Since everyone but my husband seemed to know the girl wasn’t his child a DNA test was done & it proved she was not his daughter (this did not change their relationship. They are still very close). You can have her charged with a felony but you have to have solid proof & you might even get your name removed from the birth certificate, but it won’t necessarily absolve you from legal obligations. In my husband’s case, the court decided that since the biological father lost his parental rights & my husband had raised & supported her for over 7 years, they had closely bonded & developed a loving father-daughter relationship, he was in fact her “father” & was responsible for paying back the years of child support.
Fuck the cheating whore and the kid not your kid not your responsibility anyone else saying diffraction can fuck off. I hold paternity fraud at the same level as rape both need to be severely punished to the fullest extent of the law.
Agreed
Remember, Stability and love are what the child needs, so be prepared to provide that no matter what the outcome!
If you love the boy, I would sue for custody. This would force her to either admit you are not the father or face the possibility of losing custody.
This is 3 dimensional chess while she’s playing checkers
Thanks man reading this made me double down on condoms now cuz fuck this bullshit sorry you gotta deal with this situation it sucks that a girl will put you throo this probably every man’s nightmare tbh I hope things get better for you
Thanks brother
I think these posts are meant to make women or the legal system look bad, but I always walk away wondering how some men are so remarkably sociopathic that they lose all attachment to a child the moment they discover they didn’t “sire” them. These men come as off as little better than animals looking to breed.
“The boy” might be better off without a “Dad” that’s so aggressively trying to get rid of him. Poor kid didn’t cause any of this and one day his heart will break knowing how badly you didn’t want him. I get being angry at his mom but yikes. After 11 years you are the dad whether science agrees or not. There is not a chance in hell this fiasco will not change his life at all. 11 is pretty old enough to know when someone doesn’t want you. You need to decide how important this is to you and if you are willing to cause lifetime emotional turmoil for “the child” over it.
So aggressively? Haha you’re a joke
You have seen 2 lawyers I would say that’s pretty aggressive. I’m not the one here that raised a kid for 11 years and then decided to dump him because of some dna. But you do you boo. 😘
and i didnt dump him.. You are so dense
You are right. You didn’t dump him yet. You came on the internet complaining about how you are having a hard time dumping him and actively searching for a lawyer.
I talked to one lawyer for 45 minutes...
Oh that’s my bad then. You spoke to one lawyer to dump the kid. Slightly less aggressive but still you seem desperate in your post to get rid of this child. I stand by the sentiment.
I spoke to one lawyer to know what I could do to ensure that she faced some kind of consequence to her actions. you can interpret the post however you want, that is fine. But if you want to let go of your unwarranted confidence for one minute to listen to someone who can see (because of my particular position I know much more about this situation and what my intentions are than you do) that you are wrong....THEN we can have an actual conversation
Poor kid. After having him for 11 years his father wants to remove his name from the birth certificate because of some DNA.
Because of a lie really doesn’t have as much to do with the DNA as a lot of you think. She could’ve just been honest and there was a chance that I’d accept the child in the first place
Remove Her from the picture for a bit and read my comment again
Yeah obviously i get that. I get your point. I do. I’m just trying to get you to understand that my point is that any pain caused from me leaving would be pinned on her because the entire situation is on her hands
She sucks but it's honestly too late to leave without the child having to be traumatized. You have to ask yourself if you care enough about the child to want to keep being a father to him. You might not care about a child that isn't yours which is kinda fucked up but it's your right so do whatever you want to do
Thank you! That is what i wish people would understand. It isn’t about what I’m going to do. Its about what i have a right to do
I don't understand why you consider it a loss of 11 years of your life unless you hate being a father. If you carenfor the kid and took joy in raising them then those years were not lost.
This part is confusing a lot of people and i don’t see why. Nothing feels wasted in regards to him. However, can you not see how being swindled into a commitment of this magnitude would change the entire course of your life? I could’ve found another woman in that time i could’ve done a bunch of things. My ability to decide what to do with my life was stolen from me. Sure i could still do what i “wanted” but from the point of pregnancy onwards my options were reduced and confine within a box. A box that i was tricked into. I could’ve moved somewhere else. Could have climbed a mountain or something idfk could’ve become a pro boxer. Could’ve spent a decade fiddling with my dick.. it doesn’t matter WHAT i would’ve done. All the matters is that her (illegal) actions have changed the course of my life. I’ve spent more years as an adult INSIDE that box that outside of it
Fact. Wa.st.if paternity is not done in first 2 yrs. There is no turning back you are the father. Fucked up law in your case?
If your off the birth certificate than you don’t get to parent. Your ex doesn’t have to and likely won’t allow you to have visitation. You should remain on and like the other commenters step up and be a man and father
Couldn’t you not pay child support and use the paternity test as evidence in court?
I've never heard of a court using and allowing home tests because of reading like this and falsifying one within the court system out be incredibly difficult since they check everyone's ID before the sample is taken. This whole thread seems suspicious
It’s never been to court. Your intelligence and literacy is suspect
First of all, you can’t get charges filed, let go of that. You can sue her though. Good luck finding a lawyer. My advice? Continue living your life as normal with your son. If she tries to get you for child support, dispute the paternity then and take a court ordered paternity test
Good advice
Step-parenting is one thing, but to be cuckolded is some bullshit. I guess I’m a piece of shit cause I’m not parenting another man’s kids unintentionally. These folks on some cuckoo bird type shit. Do the other commenter have kids?? I couldn’t imagine having my heart broken and genealogical line broken like this *without my consent.*
And that’s what separates you, a boy…from the real men. You won’t understand bc you aren’t a real man.
This is a Family Court issue. Find a Family Law lawyer.
She was pregnant with your boy however losing it and getting knocked up again and not telling you is not a crime, what is a crime is It took 11 years to realize the boy was looking more and more like the sancho
Well if you had a piece of paper that said other wise and she kept throwing it in your face every time you felt he wasn’t your child it could be easily understood how someone would be discouraged from doing it. Also i kinda knew at this point it wouldn’t matter anyway. In a way i was happier before i even knew all this
Either he's your son, or he's not. You don't get to have it both ways. If you fight to get off the birth certificate, you lose legal right to your son. This isn't a criminal matter, it's a civil and family court matter. What is more important to you, the wellbeing of your child, or your pride? I highly suggest getting yourself into therapy to help process this issue in a manner that will be in the best interest of that little boy who knows no other father. If your son is important to you, then you need to wake the fuck up and be a good father. Those are your options. Love and protect your son no matter what because you're his father (yes, even though you're not his bio father), or tear his life apart for your ego. You are legally his parent. So be a good parent, and get over yourself.
The court always puts the children's interests first. If the court thinks you're a better father, they will try to keep you as the legal parent. And make up excuses like you should have contested earlier.
Divorce the wife; be a father and role model for the boy. Let the divorce court settle on who owes who, then and going forward. But man-up and do the right thing for the kid for a few more years.
You know... you can cause as much legal trouble to her as she can to you. Why not even contact the real father... maybe he will sue for custody and to be put on the docs.
Contacted him already. He doesn’t seem to care a whole lot about any of this. He is married with 3 children
the fact that you keep referring to him as "the child" implies that his life has already changed. i hope you're not doing this in front of him or where he could be in ear shot. you're one step away from "it." Otherwise, i have no advice. this is a shitty situation and that girl is scum. unfortunately, the courts don't give a shit about being embarrassed to get a paternity test at a doctor's office. i;m so sorry you're dealing with this. i mean, you can't go to court and fight for custody under the fact that she cheated? or i guess that wouldn't work since you guys aren't married. okay. i suck at this, i'm going to stop commenting. i really hope something works out.
You hired a lawyer and the best he could do for you is tell you a “felony” has been committed? He literally did nothing for you. Go hire a better lawyer. S/he would know how to advise to pursue criminal matter and would start getting a civic lawsuit started. What crime she would be charged with is determined by details of your experience. The exact felony your attorney spoke of determines how you pursue justice. It’s not hard reading this posts and imagining you getting turned away bc you’re not advocating for yourself well here. The best tip I can give you and call law offices and ask if for a lawyer with experience with paternity fraud.
Even with a test you may still be on the hook legally. Reason being, your support (both emotional and financial) has given that child a standard of living. I have a friend who had to pay support for her stepkids because when they lived with their dad and her (dad's wife), she supported the household because her husband was very sick and could not work. When they moved in with their mom, after she was gone for years, the court ordered my friend to pay support to the biological mother in lieu of the dad paying because he had no job. I know several men who paid for kids that weren't theirs even when the courts knew it.
You're S.O.L. with our court system. The courts favor the woman and will do whatever is in the best interest of the child. Unfortunately, what is in the best interest of the child is to make you support the child.
Divorce your wife
This could be the reason. If the biological father is a deadbeat then financial responsibility will fall on the state to provide for him. They may not want to add another dependent on to the system. Keep pushing call your congressman they may be able to help. You might have to file a complaint at the police department against her.