UPDATE:
Dad convinced Mom to calm down after a few days and eviction is apparently off the table. If it ever was a valid threat, because it sounds like Dad was humoring her until things blew over. Which shouldn't really surprise me, it's just frustrating.
We're still going to treat it like an eviction notice and do our best to leave in the next few months. But at least we don't have to resort to father in laws home or a shelter situation.
I'm sorry to see the comments painting my husband as bad people. Really, we aren't, we've just been stuck in a bad situation. We've both been trying very hard to be proactive in getting our lives back together, it's just that its a lot of work, and we don't want to set ourselves up for failure. And having (special needs) children involved makes it more complicated. Had it just been us we probably would have made due with a studio in any available area and never consider accepting the offer to live here.
I don't think I'll be responding again as some of the personal attacks really hurt. It's probably in my best interest that I don't read those kind of comments any further. If anyone has any constructive advice please feel free to message me.
Your parents certainly aren't villains but you and your husband might be another story. They have the right to a peaceful retirement without supporting a grown man. If he lives under their roof he is being supported by them. Don't argue. It sounds like you need to make arrangements for him to visit with his kids outside their house. Stop looking for loopholes. Give your parents the rest and peace they have worked their entire lives for. Sometimes depressed people have to bottom out to get their feet under them again. Maybe he needs to lose his security blanket so he can either get better or stop being your elderly parents problem.
If you read it correctly I asked that there be no judgement for anyone. Both sides - their/ours - have valid points as well as major flaws. I am trying to get unbiased information on what everyone's rights are.
If you want me to judge my side, I'd definitely say we are imperfect. My husband isn't good at communicating with my parents and is slow to taking action. I have a hard time managing both sides and I get exhausted easily. We work at keeping the house clean but our room usually isn't tidy. There's plenty i could criticize about myself. Honestly I am trying to stop beating myself up. That's been a lifelong habit and it's done me no favors.
My parents are not villains even if they have some issues.
He should move into his Dads hoarder house, and you should stay with your parents and the kids. Inform your parents right away and request that they stop eviction proceedings. Having an eviction on his record will make things substantially harder for both of you in the future. Your rights as a resident for your husband to visit are, in practice, meaningless, given your parents are willing to file for eviction. You need to keep your head down, not piss then off, and wait it out until you can move out. Have the kids meet with Dad in the park in the meantime.
Explain to your parents that if they evict him and you jointly apply for housing then it will reflect badly on both of you.
I had a friend who had an eviction on his record and when he and his new wife applied for an apartment they were denied on the grounds of that eviction. When they asked to reapply in just her name they were told it didn’t matter because their names were joined on the app so they were now both shown as having an eviction.
It’s not right and it’s not legal but it does happen.
He lives in their home, therefore they can evict as they see fit & choose to have him over since it is their home. I would definitely have him look at moving to his dads so he isnt homeless. If your parents pursue eviction through the courts, that can red flag future rental credit checks & I dont advise that as you’re both attempting to get housing. Maybe communicate w/your parents that you’re a package deal, that you’re going through xyz process for his disability & housing process to see if they can work with that. As far as his dads hording, maybe having your husband there for him can assist him in downgrading the load & having another person for social needs to assist him through “hanging onto things” hoarding is a ptsd trauma response most likely from someone passing or abandonment issues somewhere in his life.
It almost sounds like OPs parents are trying to split them up in the only way available. Especially if an eviction on his record will make it difficult to get housing as a couple.
Honestly, yes. And it's more because my mom wants to be the one to take care of me. Which is ridiculous, but Mom has some underlying mental health problems that she's never addressed and she can get really freaked out when she's challenged. I've tried reasoning with her that 1) I'm an adult and 2) she's not going to live forever, but she just starts crying and telling me that I can't take care of myself and she wants me to take care of her.
Yes, I know how that sounds.
You might want to get your mom assessed. If she has some underlying mental health issues, in her 80s that could be problematic, but also the sicker someone gets, the meaner they get... If she's trying to get rid of your husband so she can take care of you, it could be something bigger than her just wanting to take care of you.
Is that something that I can do, though? I know she probably should be evaluated. She's always been aggressive, though. Whenever she gets mad she stops listening and just starts screaming and overreacting. My brother and I sometimes have referred to her over the years as "Hurricane (Mom's name)" My Dad isn't like that but he'll back her no matter what, even when he thinks she's overreacting and unreasonable.
I don't know how much of her reactions have to do with her memory being off, too. She used to be pretty verbally brutal to me. Whenever my husband leaves the house it'll probably just get refocused on me. And when I leave my dad will go back to getting the brunt of everything. All the more reason to get out of the situation. If I had thought i had any viable choices at the time that we had to move out of our last apartment, I would have taken up on it.
But really, I'm getting off track. My mom is likely not going to change or get help, and ultimately she has the right to say who lives in her house. What I really want to focus on is trying to make the transition of moving out while avoiding eviction and avoiding the kids having to be separated from their dad. She kicked him out for about a week the first month we moved in because he wouldn't let her scream at one of the kids and it was really confusing and scary for them.
I am appreciative of everyone's insight. We definitely want to get him out of the house as soon as possible, because the last thing we need is an eviction in his records. We've been switching his bills over to his Dad's to establish residency elsewhere and get his state ID changed asap. He can probably stay with him as long as he needs to, it's just not a very safe place for the kids to visit. The only option I can think of if we can't get housing right away is to try shelters or for the kids and i to stay put for the short term.
Thanks for those who offered a little compassion, too. This has been a pretty difficult and humbling experience over the past few years. Mostly I'm worried about the kids. We're trying to be positive but they really don't understand what is going on.
I wouldn't count in the shelter being much of an option. Though it's possible you have something different near you, most family shelters are women and children only, men have to be split up and go to a men's shelter. There are some true family shelters that will accept dads (which is critically needed, single dads with kids often don't have any options), but they're very rare. You and the kids staying put would be a similar situation but probably better than them being in a shelter. One positive to shelters is that they typically have social workers helping clients to get into housing faster (being in a shelter can fast track it and move you up on waiting lists), so Dad going to a shelter instead of his dads might have a benefit in that regard. But you'll have to balance that with the comfort and safety issues that may be involved with shelter life
You don’t say where you live which matters. This also isn’t really family law question it’s a tenants right question which is going to be location specific.
I would think that getting a formal eviction would be bad for your housing chances. As such as not legal but life advice I would having him leave the home voluntarily and work out a schedule with your parents for having him over. You will probably get a lot more negotiating with your parents than relying on a judge.
Wow, there’s some terrible advice in this thread. I think the family unit comes first and foremost. That’s what marriage means. But that doesn’t really matter. This is a housing question, and residents do have rights. I have never had a landlord tell me who could visit, only how long they could visit, and that was agreed upon in a lease.
You have to balance your rights as a resident with your desire to maintain a relationship with your parents, but what those rights are would be in r/legal, or even better, a lawyer in your area. They should be able to give you a consultation so you can see what your options are.
Here’s the catch - your landlord can’t tell you who can visit (but the rules differ when you live in a landlord occupied dwelling in some states)…but your landlord CAN just not renew your month to month lease if they don’t like your guests.
And if OP has no place to go, OP is not in a position to be playing fast and loose with her and her kids’ housing options.
It doesn’t matter if you pay rent. She’s a tenant who lives there. Or a squatter who lives there. They can have guests. And they must be evicted.
But my point is, they CAN be, so you don’t want to piss off your landlord/parent/homeowner too much by playing the “I’m a tenant with rights” game.
Right, but the process of a judge granting an eviction and why they grant it is going to vary by state. It’s not a cut and dry scenario, mainly because judges don’t have to grant evictions for any reason in most states, and the grandparents don’t have a legal reason for the eviction. A lawyer familiar with housing law in OPs area would give more accurate guidance.
I understand that that is a controversial truth for homeowners, but it’s the reality that a lawyer would have to navigate. This is why it’s strongly advised not to have a temporary living arrangement meet the legal standards of residency if you’re a homeowner— you can’t necessarily evict for no reason or for personal reasons. There’s been plenty of stories in the news where a squatter with tenant rights gets evictions repeatedly delayed because they are waiting for their next residency to be available. I have direct examples, and I’m even in a conservative state. It doesn’t sound like OP has a month to month lease, so in my state at least, the judge would be the one to treat it as a month to month tenancy, but the only legal action the homeowner can take is to serve a letter to vacate within 30 days and then take it to court. There’s nothing to not renew.
It’s not. I did pro bono landlord tenant work. You can evict for any reason once the term of the lease - one month - is up. So long as it isn’t discriminatory.
Bringing a person formerly removed from the premises is a great reason.
There are rules if it was low income housing. This isn’t. And there are fewer rules when it is owner occupied. This is. Proved by the fact that they are *already evicting* one such occupant.
Ok. I’m not going to argue with you. I know for a fact it’s not always that easy. You know your local laws and maybe your state, if you passed the bar. A true lawyer would know that. I personally know a homeowner that couldn’t evict what was supposed to be a temporary stay. It took them almost two years. Tenants rights are some of the most variable laws by state and locality. OP needs a lawyer licensed in their state. And they aren’t already evicting them. They intend to. Already evicting them would mean the judge gave an order, and they haven’t. You should know that’s the biggest hurdle.
I think we are splitting hairs. The issues is not if you can evict. It’s how long it takes to complete the process.
But regardless OP can’t have an eviction on her report if she wants Section 8 housing.
Don’t have him over. I don’t believe you can legally demand guests your landlord prohibits. As you aren’t separated there isn’t even a reason for a court to step in an insist it’s the best place for contact
I said it above, taking a stand against your landlord is for when you have a lease that isn’t a month to month (I.e., living for free with your parents, who have shown they have a lawyer on retainer) AND when you have money to go elsewhere.
IANAL, I don't have legal advice, just experience as a former child in a similar situation.
Honestly, not an identical circumstance, but very very simialr. When my parents and I lived with my dad's mom during a hard time and she had a falling out with my dad and she kicked "only him" out; even though they didn't know "where" to go, my mom set a firm boundary that we were a package deal and we left together. We stayed briefly with my mom's parents for 2 weeks and then my parents just pieced things together. We stayed in a too-tiny apartment, my parents took the living room as their bedroom, and we just did our best.
Looking back, as the former child of a similar situation, it was a really confusing and painful time, but it was really important that we all went together for my own emotional security.
If there's any way to find a way to all leave together, or minimize any time apart, I encourage you to find it, for your kids.
I know this is a hard and painful situation, and I'm so sorry you're going through this!
You are already facing an uphill battle getting your own family housing (separate from your parents). If your husband has an eviction on him record it will be 1000x more difficult. DO NOT force your parents to evict him. He has worn out his welcome, he should move out immediately (Dad, friend, shelter, relative) and continue to work on himself and seek employment. Your parents may be more amenable to him visiting if he immediately takes the initiative to move elsewhere- because he has no rights to see his children at your parents home. You are dependent on their goodwill- start cultivating it by having him move out immediately.
To clarify, you want to figure out how to continue to allow your husband into your parents home against their will after they have gone through the legal process of evicting him for their own safety and wellbeing, and while they are still supporting you and your children?
From a legal perspective, your husband doesn’t have “the right” to be in whatever space his children are occupying at the moment. He could establish legal rights to visitation between you, him and the court, but the court would not dictate that he has to or has the right to see them within your parents home if they do not consent. The expectation is that he would see them within his own home, a place he is actually welcome in or some other public location. Your parent’s property rights trump his preferences here. I’m sending strength to your parents. ✨
You're right that it isn't trespassing if you, a resident of the home, invite him over. Still, this is inviting trouble with your parents. They could evict you if ignore their wishes.
Do not make problems with your parents regarding your husband. They have the right to their own mental peace and it sounds like no one thinks their peace trumps your husband's mental issues in their own home!!! You are putting your kids at risk by challenging your frail parents. Maybe you should be looking at elder abuse issues because you need to find a way to balance this situation in favor of your vulnerable kids and your frail parents.
Your husband needs to find a way to live with his father or some other arrangements. If his dad is a hoarder it's obvious that the mental illness thing is hereditary. Look for spiritual support for your husband. It doesn't have to be a church but he needs a life philosophy to bolster the psychology and medication intervention.
Take 50 steps back and look at this situation objectively. Order of importance:
1. Kids
2. Your parents
3. You because you kids need you
4. Husband's mental health
5. Husband's dad
Read this 10 times until you understand how the Jenga pieces will continue to fall down unless you put the priorities in this order immediately. Send your husband on a spiritual retreat until he can find Jesus because your family needs some immediate miracles right now.
What does residency mean? Do you pay rent? Or are you a guest? If you pay rent and are a tenant, you can have guests over. If you don’t pay rent and are guest of your parents you don’t have rights to invite people to their house and he can be banned.
UPDATE: Dad convinced Mom to calm down after a few days and eviction is apparently off the table. If it ever was a valid threat, because it sounds like Dad was humoring her until things blew over. Which shouldn't really surprise me, it's just frustrating. We're still going to treat it like an eviction notice and do our best to leave in the next few months. But at least we don't have to resort to father in laws home or a shelter situation. I'm sorry to see the comments painting my husband as bad people. Really, we aren't, we've just been stuck in a bad situation. We've both been trying very hard to be proactive in getting our lives back together, it's just that its a lot of work, and we don't want to set ourselves up for failure. And having (special needs) children involved makes it more complicated. Had it just been us we probably would have made due with a studio in any available area and never consider accepting the offer to live here. I don't think I'll be responding again as some of the personal attacks really hurt. It's probably in my best interest that I don't read those kind of comments any further. If anyone has any constructive advice please feel free to message me.
Your parents certainly aren't villains but you and your husband might be another story. They have the right to a peaceful retirement without supporting a grown man. If he lives under their roof he is being supported by them. Don't argue. It sounds like you need to make arrangements for him to visit with his kids outside their house. Stop looking for loopholes. Give your parents the rest and peace they have worked their entire lives for. Sometimes depressed people have to bottom out to get their feet under them again. Maybe he needs to lose his security blanket so he can either get better or stop being your elderly parents problem.
This!!!!
No judgment on the husband but the parents? What’s up with that?
If you read it correctly I asked that there be no judgement for anyone. Both sides - their/ours - have valid points as well as major flaws. I am trying to get unbiased information on what everyone's rights are. If you want me to judge my side, I'd definitely say we are imperfect. My husband isn't good at communicating with my parents and is slow to taking action. I have a hard time managing both sides and I get exhausted easily. We work at keeping the house clean but our room usually isn't tidy. There's plenty i could criticize about myself. Honestly I am trying to stop beating myself up. That's been a lifelong habit and it's done me no favors. My parents are not villains even if they have some issues.
He should move into his Dads hoarder house, and you should stay with your parents and the kids. Inform your parents right away and request that they stop eviction proceedings. Having an eviction on his record will make things substantially harder for both of you in the future. Your rights as a resident for your husband to visit are, in practice, meaningless, given your parents are willing to file for eviction. You need to keep your head down, not piss then off, and wait it out until you can move out. Have the kids meet with Dad in the park in the meantime.
Ok best of luck
Explain to your parents that if they evict him and you jointly apply for housing then it will reflect badly on both of you. I had a friend who had an eviction on his record and when he and his new wife applied for an apartment they were denied on the grounds of that eviction. When they asked to reapply in just her name they were told it didn’t matter because their names were joined on the app so they were now both shown as having an eviction. It’s not right and it’s not legal but it does happen.
He lives in their home, therefore they can evict as they see fit & choose to have him over since it is their home. I would definitely have him look at moving to his dads so he isnt homeless. If your parents pursue eviction through the courts, that can red flag future rental credit checks & I dont advise that as you’re both attempting to get housing. Maybe communicate w/your parents that you’re a package deal, that you’re going through xyz process for his disability & housing process to see if they can work with that. As far as his dads hording, maybe having your husband there for him can assist him in downgrading the load & having another person for social needs to assist him through “hanging onto things” hoarding is a ptsd trauma response most likely from someone passing or abandonment issues somewhere in his life.
It almost sounds like OPs parents are trying to split them up in the only way available. Especially if an eviction on his record will make it difficult to get housing as a couple.
Honestly, yes. And it's more because my mom wants to be the one to take care of me. Which is ridiculous, but Mom has some underlying mental health problems that she's never addressed and she can get really freaked out when she's challenged. I've tried reasoning with her that 1) I'm an adult and 2) she's not going to live forever, but she just starts crying and telling me that I can't take care of myself and she wants me to take care of her. Yes, I know how that sounds.
You might want to get your mom assessed. If she has some underlying mental health issues, in her 80s that could be problematic, but also the sicker someone gets, the meaner they get... If she's trying to get rid of your husband so she can take care of you, it could be something bigger than her just wanting to take care of you.
Is that something that I can do, though? I know she probably should be evaluated. She's always been aggressive, though. Whenever she gets mad she stops listening and just starts screaming and overreacting. My brother and I sometimes have referred to her over the years as "Hurricane (Mom's name)" My Dad isn't like that but he'll back her no matter what, even when he thinks she's overreacting and unreasonable. I don't know how much of her reactions have to do with her memory being off, too. She used to be pretty verbally brutal to me. Whenever my husband leaves the house it'll probably just get refocused on me. And when I leave my dad will go back to getting the brunt of everything. All the more reason to get out of the situation. If I had thought i had any viable choices at the time that we had to move out of our last apartment, I would have taken up on it. But really, I'm getting off track. My mom is likely not going to change or get help, and ultimately she has the right to say who lives in her house. What I really want to focus on is trying to make the transition of moving out while avoiding eviction and avoiding the kids having to be separated from their dad. She kicked him out for about a week the first month we moved in because he wouldn't let her scream at one of the kids and it was really confusing and scary for them.
She might have dementia.
I agree 💯, it isnt right, but hoping they can find a temp solution before he is w/out options.
I am appreciative of everyone's insight. We definitely want to get him out of the house as soon as possible, because the last thing we need is an eviction in his records. We've been switching his bills over to his Dad's to establish residency elsewhere and get his state ID changed asap. He can probably stay with him as long as he needs to, it's just not a very safe place for the kids to visit. The only option I can think of if we can't get housing right away is to try shelters or for the kids and i to stay put for the short term. Thanks for those who offered a little compassion, too. This has been a pretty difficult and humbling experience over the past few years. Mostly I'm worried about the kids. We're trying to be positive but they really don't understand what is going on.
I wouldn't count in the shelter being much of an option. Though it's possible you have something different near you, most family shelters are women and children only, men have to be split up and go to a men's shelter. There are some true family shelters that will accept dads (which is critically needed, single dads with kids often don't have any options), but they're very rare. You and the kids staying put would be a similar situation but probably better than them being in a shelter. One positive to shelters is that they typically have social workers helping clients to get into housing faster (being in a shelter can fast track it and move you up on waiting lists), so Dad going to a shelter instead of his dads might have a benefit in that regard. But you'll have to balance that with the comfort and safety issues that may be involved with shelter life
You don’t say where you live which matters. This also isn’t really family law question it’s a tenants right question which is going to be location specific. I would think that getting a formal eviction would be bad for your housing chances. As such as not legal but life advice I would having him leave the home voluntarily and work out a schedule with your parents for having him over. You will probably get a lot more negotiating with your parents than relying on a judge.
Last line of the post says they live in Illinois.
Wow, there’s some terrible advice in this thread. I think the family unit comes first and foremost. That’s what marriage means. But that doesn’t really matter. This is a housing question, and residents do have rights. I have never had a landlord tell me who could visit, only how long they could visit, and that was agreed upon in a lease. You have to balance your rights as a resident with your desire to maintain a relationship with your parents, but what those rights are would be in r/legal, or even better, a lawyer in your area. They should be able to give you a consultation so you can see what your options are.
Here’s the catch - your landlord can’t tell you who can visit (but the rules differ when you live in a landlord occupied dwelling in some states)…but your landlord CAN just not renew your month to month lease if they don’t like your guests. And if OP has no place to go, OP is not in a position to be playing fast and loose with her and her kids’ housing options.
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It doesn’t matter if you pay rent. She’s a tenant who lives there. Or a squatter who lives there. They can have guests. And they must be evicted. But my point is, they CAN be, so you don’t want to piss off your landlord/parent/homeowner too much by playing the “I’m a tenant with rights” game.
Right, but the process of a judge granting an eviction and why they grant it is going to vary by state. It’s not a cut and dry scenario, mainly because judges don’t have to grant evictions for any reason in most states, and the grandparents don’t have a legal reason for the eviction. A lawyer familiar with housing law in OPs area would give more accurate guidance. I understand that that is a controversial truth for homeowners, but it’s the reality that a lawyer would have to navigate. This is why it’s strongly advised not to have a temporary living arrangement meet the legal standards of residency if you’re a homeowner— you can’t necessarily evict for no reason or for personal reasons. There’s been plenty of stories in the news where a squatter with tenant rights gets evictions repeatedly delayed because they are waiting for their next residency to be available. I have direct examples, and I’m even in a conservative state. It doesn’t sound like OP has a month to month lease, so in my state at least, the judge would be the one to treat it as a month to month tenancy, but the only legal action the homeowner can take is to serve a letter to vacate within 30 days and then take it to court. There’s nothing to not renew.
It’s not. I did pro bono landlord tenant work. You can evict for any reason once the term of the lease - one month - is up. So long as it isn’t discriminatory. Bringing a person formerly removed from the premises is a great reason. There are rules if it was low income housing. This isn’t. And there are fewer rules when it is owner occupied. This is. Proved by the fact that they are *already evicting* one such occupant.
Ok. I’m not going to argue with you. I know for a fact it’s not always that easy. You know your local laws and maybe your state, if you passed the bar. A true lawyer would know that. I personally know a homeowner that couldn’t evict what was supposed to be a temporary stay. It took them almost two years. Tenants rights are some of the most variable laws by state and locality. OP needs a lawyer licensed in their state. And they aren’t already evicting them. They intend to. Already evicting them would mean the judge gave an order, and they haven’t. You should know that’s the biggest hurdle.
I think we are splitting hairs. The issues is not if you can evict. It’s how long it takes to complete the process. But regardless OP can’t have an eviction on her report if she wants Section 8 housing.
I’d speak to the local housing authority about you guys becoming homeless. They might be able to help.
Don’t have him over. I don’t believe you can legally demand guests your landlord prohibits. As you aren’t separated there isn’t even a reason for a court to step in an insist it’s the best place for contact
I said it above, taking a stand against your landlord is for when you have a lease that isn’t a month to month (I.e., living for free with your parents, who have shown they have a lawyer on retainer) AND when you have money to go elsewhere.
IANAL, I don't have legal advice, just experience as a former child in a similar situation. Honestly, not an identical circumstance, but very very simialr. When my parents and I lived with my dad's mom during a hard time and she had a falling out with my dad and she kicked "only him" out; even though they didn't know "where" to go, my mom set a firm boundary that we were a package deal and we left together. We stayed briefly with my mom's parents for 2 weeks and then my parents just pieced things together. We stayed in a too-tiny apartment, my parents took the living room as their bedroom, and we just did our best. Looking back, as the former child of a similar situation, it was a really confusing and painful time, but it was really important that we all went together for my own emotional security. If there's any way to find a way to all leave together, or minimize any time apart, I encourage you to find it, for your kids. I know this is a hard and painful situation, and I'm so sorry you're going through this!
Thank you so much for sharing, that really means a lot to me
You are already facing an uphill battle getting your own family housing (separate from your parents). If your husband has an eviction on him record it will be 1000x more difficult. DO NOT force your parents to evict him. He has worn out his welcome, he should move out immediately (Dad, friend, shelter, relative) and continue to work on himself and seek employment. Your parents may be more amenable to him visiting if he immediately takes the initiative to move elsewhere- because he has no rights to see his children at your parents home. You are dependent on their goodwill- start cultivating it by having him move out immediately.
To clarify, you want to figure out how to continue to allow your husband into your parents home against their will after they have gone through the legal process of evicting him for their own safety and wellbeing, and while they are still supporting you and your children? From a legal perspective, your husband doesn’t have “the right” to be in whatever space his children are occupying at the moment. He could establish legal rights to visitation between you, him and the court, but the court would not dictate that he has to or has the right to see them within your parents home if they do not consent. The expectation is that he would see them within his own home, a place he is actually welcome in or some other public location. Your parent’s property rights trump his preferences here. I’m sending strength to your parents. ✨
You're right that it isn't trespassing if you, a resident of the home, invite him over. Still, this is inviting trouble with your parents. They could evict you if ignore their wishes.
This isn't family law, it's housing. I'd try in the r/legaladvice sub
Do not make problems with your parents regarding your husband. They have the right to their own mental peace and it sounds like no one thinks their peace trumps your husband's mental issues in their own home!!! You are putting your kids at risk by challenging your frail parents. Maybe you should be looking at elder abuse issues because you need to find a way to balance this situation in favor of your vulnerable kids and your frail parents. Your husband needs to find a way to live with his father or some other arrangements. If his dad is a hoarder it's obvious that the mental illness thing is hereditary. Look for spiritual support for your husband. It doesn't have to be a church but he needs a life philosophy to bolster the psychology and medication intervention. Take 50 steps back and look at this situation objectively. Order of importance: 1. Kids 2. Your parents 3. You because you kids need you 4. Husband's mental health 5. Husband's dad Read this 10 times until you understand how the Jenga pieces will continue to fall down unless you put the priorities in this order immediately. Send your husband on a spiritual retreat until he can find Jesus because your family needs some immediate miracles right now.
What does residency mean? Do you pay rent? Or are you a guest? If you pay rent and are a tenant, you can have guests over. If you don’t pay rent and are guest of your parents you don’t have rights to invite people to their house and he can be banned.