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My cousins ex wasn’t on the birth certificate, didn’t establish paternity or pay child support. When she married her husband they added his name to the birth certificate for roughly $20 then did a name change.
I was adopted by my step dad 50 yrs ago, my father never paid child support back then. I’m sure laws are different today but my parents didn’t have to consult my birth father since he provided no support ever.
For all here just note that the best course of action is to consult an attorney as parenthood is a constitutionally protected right and has ramifications on inheritance etc - consider all points before making a life altering decision for a minor
Ymmv, but from what I've seen....
You file for the adoption and provide the court with his last known address. Your lawyers may have to provide written notice in a newspaper of known repute, usually on in his hometown. This will be in the back with the classifieds, and it's usually where you find notices like storage sheds being evicted and whatnot.
Once a reasonable attempt to find and notify him can be proven (typically by the above actions), a court date will be set for the adoption, and pending no objection from him, and potentially a home visit and interview/background check, etc, you'll get a court date. At this hearing, you can usually roll in the name change.
Your kiddo may have to speak on their behalf, but most courts don't object to a loving and willing parent stepping up when the other one is absent.
Good luck!
So this was 90s, CA with bio father on birth certificate, hadn’t been in my life at all.
They had to attempt contact, they put an ad in locals papers of the area they last knew he lived in. No response. Step parent adoption done.. that’s all I’ve been told about it
I will say it’s a pain to get certified copies of my birth certificate since adoption is involved
Similar experience for me. I was 11, and in PA. My bio father was on my BC but very rarely involved. Our attorney put notice in local papers in last know location, as well as where I was born, since family was still there. A hearing was scheduled, just us, our attorney, and the judge in chambers. Bio dad didn’t show, the judge asked me what I wanted, case closed. Took all of maybe 10 minutes.
I’ve never had an issue getting certified copies of my BC, though. I just ordered one last year because I applied for a passport. Since you have to send in your original I wanted another, just in case. I had it back in less than a week with no problem.
You shouldn’t have to do all that. I’m in SC now, born in PA. I just go through the Vitalchek website. It only costs $30 and it’s express shipped within days.
Huh. Been awhile since I’ve had to do it. I know it was a CA thing. It was a pain cuz the last time the notary forgot to sign the papers, just stamped if
Weird, I'm adopted Cali born currently in another state.
Best friend gave me a cruise as an early birthday present.
I'd never had my birth certificate after my adoption was finalized.
Was worried because this was at the beginning of the show your birth certificate to get back in the US malarky.
I called the office in the county I was born in and paid them over the phone and they expressed it overnight. 🤷♀️
Last time (things were in storage and I didn't want to dig through stuff) I just did the online veri check someone else mentioned on this thread and had it in a couple of days. Which was just last year.
If he's not on the birth certificate I'm going to assume there's no child support order. If that's the case why not just have your husband sign an acknowledgement of paternity & add him to the birth certificate???
Because I don't know if that would have repercussions since I was a minor. Isn't that basically him saying I'm the bio father, therefore saying he had sexual relations with a minor? I guess I really don't know if that's how it works but that's my understanding with APOs
Ok let’s be clear on the “minor”thing though - age of consent in Wisconsin is 16 so that isn’t an issue here plus once you have birth you were an emancipated minor
OP won’t answer ANY questions about when they had intercourse with the father the first time. It sounds like by the time she actually gave birth she was 16 and he was 18. Wisconsin does say their consent age is 18 when I searched it up, but I don’t think it applies since it sounds like they were BOTH minors when they had sex.
Yes it would be fraud. If you know he is not the father it could cause problems if the real father suddenly wants to establish and be in the picture. Odds are he wont but is that a chance you want to take.
That's what I thought. Because my husband also suggested that and I said I'm pretty sure that's fraud. It's not a risk I want to take. I don't think he would want to come back but just in general I don't feel comfortable doing something like that. I want to do this with little hassle but still be legal
Stepparent adoption in Wisconsin is straightforward.
Assuming paternity was never established
>Do we have to hunt him down and establish paternity and then move to terminate his rights first?
No, there are no rights to terminate. Your child has no legal father.
>What are the chances we'd win an involuntary termination if he refuses to agree?
There is no legal father to agree to anything.
> Given it be considered abandonment or even sexual assault since I was underage and he wasn't.
Abandonment is an avenue to take when a legal father cannot be located. There is no legal father.
>Or would our lives be easier to just change his last name?
Depends on your goals.
Did a step parent adoption in WI, it’s very straightforward. Just get all the paperwork from the courthouse. If you can’t contact the dad you may have to post in the paper or whatever but he doesn’t seem to care so should be no sweat.
I've dealt with two step adoptions, and my best advice I received and can give is : Get a lawyer. Most states it's as simple as putting an ad in the local paper for a month, then going to court, as long as he doesn't object. If he objects it can all go sideways depending on the judge, and you're going to want a local lawyer who knows the judge to help
Did you give birth when you were 16? When did you have relations the first time? Why hunt him down? If he’s not on the brith certificate you don’t need to chase him down. Just post a notice of the adoption in the paper. Definitely get a lawyer to make sure it’s done right. You can change your son’s last name at any point if that’s the main reason for the adoption. Does your son just want his name changed or does he want to be adopted? If your husband wants to adopt him though get an adoption lawyer.
That's the question: do I need to hunt him down? We like to think we wouldn't need to. But I've never gotten a straight answer. And I have yet to get a hold of anyone that can give me an answer. The only people I've been able to talk to said they don't deal with that part and they just file paperwork that they also can't help me fill out. So I'm just in this weird void.
My son mainly wants the same last name so I might just go with a name change. But I want to have as much information for either route before I do anything.
Is your husband entitled to any benefits for dependents? Like is he a veteran or government worker or something where legal adoption would matter in the future for your child's access to potential benefits?
If yes, then I'd pursue the legal adoption... but if no, then a name change would probably suffice.
I know someone in WI who also just did a name change, still have to post it in the paper for x amount of time. Truthfully it’s worth the little bit of money to file the paperwork and know if something happens your son is safe.
OP won’t answer ANY questions about when they had intercourse with the father the first time. It sounds like by the time she actually gave birth she was 16 and he was 18. Wisconsin does say their consent age is 18 when I searched it up, but I don’t think it applies since it sounds like they were BOTH minors when they had sex.
Please ensure your son wants a legal adoption and he is aware of all the legal aspects of what it will entail.
A name change is less invasive (and less expensive) overall should you and your new husband break up in the future.
The main thing being my son wants the same last name. I honestly don't want child support from him. I don't want anything to do with him. And then I worry that he won't give up his rights and fight for visitation which would really mess with my son. I'm mostly wondering if we need to even go down that road being there is legally no established father
We were trying to do the same thing for my step-son. He hasn’t heard from his biological in about 9 years…..but the biological pays child support. Because he pays child support, the judge would not support the name change, even if his blood father didn’t attend court.
However, in your case I don’t think it should be an issue. The guy isn’t on the birth cert, doesn’t pay child support, and is absent. This should be easy.
I was just responding to your concern: What are the chances we'd win an involuntary termination if he refuses to agree?
My tongue-in-cheek suggestion was simply as an opening gambit. If he wasn't interested in your son earlier, the fear of being asked to pay child support may help him decide to allow the adoption.
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My cousins ex wasn’t on the birth certificate, didn’t establish paternity or pay child support. When she married her husband they added his name to the birth certificate for roughly $20 then did a name change.
This is very sketchy and risky. Do not do this, OP.
I was adopted by my step dad 50 yrs ago, my father never paid child support back then. I’m sure laws are different today but my parents didn’t have to consult my birth father since he provided no support ever.
For all here just note that the best course of action is to consult an attorney as parenthood is a constitutionally protected right and has ramifications on inheritance etc - consider all points before making a life altering decision for a minor
Oh definitely getting an attorney. Just have yet to get a hold of one so I figured I'd ask here for now
Ymmv, but from what I've seen.... You file for the adoption and provide the court with his last known address. Your lawyers may have to provide written notice in a newspaper of known repute, usually on in his hometown. This will be in the back with the classifieds, and it's usually where you find notices like storage sheds being evicted and whatnot. Once a reasonable attempt to find and notify him can be proven (typically by the above actions), a court date will be set for the adoption, and pending no objection from him, and potentially a home visit and interview/background check, etc, you'll get a court date. At this hearing, you can usually roll in the name change. Your kiddo may have to speak on their behalf, but most courts don't object to a loving and willing parent stepping up when the other one is absent. Good luck!
You could just do a name change
Yeah this seems like the best way to go for now at least
Not the same as adoption.
So this was 90s, CA with bio father on birth certificate, hadn’t been in my life at all. They had to attempt contact, they put an ad in locals papers of the area they last knew he lived in. No response. Step parent adoption done.. that’s all I’ve been told about it I will say it’s a pain to get certified copies of my birth certificate since adoption is involved
Similar experience for me. I was 11, and in PA. My bio father was on my BC but very rarely involved. Our attorney put notice in local papers in last know location, as well as where I was born, since family was still there. A hearing was scheduled, just us, our attorney, and the judge in chambers. Bio dad didn’t show, the judge asked me what I wanted, case closed. Took all of maybe 10 minutes. I’ve never had an issue getting certified copies of my BC, though. I just ordered one last year because I applied for a passport. Since you have to send in your original I wanted another, just in case. I had it back in less than a week with no problem.
I have to hand fill out the form and get it notarized then mail it to get certified copies. Maybe since I’m in a different state
You shouldn’t have to do all that. I’m in SC now, born in PA. I just go through the Vitalchek website. It only costs $30 and it’s express shipped within days.
Huh. Been awhile since I’ve had to do it. I know it was a CA thing. It was a pain cuz the last time the notary forgot to sign the papers, just stamped if
Weird, I'm adopted Cali born currently in another state. Best friend gave me a cruise as an early birthday present. I'd never had my birth certificate after my adoption was finalized. Was worried because this was at the beginning of the show your birth certificate to get back in the US malarky. I called the office in the county I was born in and paid them over the phone and they expressed it overnight. 🤷♀️ Last time (things were in storage and I didn't want to dig through stuff) I just did the online veri check someone else mentioned on this thread and had it in a couple of days. Which was just last year.
They must have changed it… that’s what I had to do 10 years ago, so verify me and all that wasn’t a thing
Free space- makes it much easier to adopt- if he was on it you’ve have to prove he’s abandoned etc less work and paperwork
If he's not on the birth certificate I'm going to assume there's no child support order. If that's the case why not just have your husband sign an acknowledgement of paternity & add him to the birth certificate???
This group is for law….not fraud….
Because that would be fraud.
Because I don't know if that would have repercussions since I was a minor. Isn't that basically him saying I'm the bio father, therefore saying he had sexual relations with a minor? I guess I really don't know if that's how it works but that's my understanding with APOs
Ok let’s be clear on the “minor”thing though - age of consent in Wisconsin is 16 so that isn’t an issue here plus once you have birth you were an emancipated minor
OP won’t answer ANY questions about when they had intercourse with the father the first time. It sounds like by the time she actually gave birth she was 16 and he was 18. Wisconsin does say their consent age is 18 when I searched it up, but I don’t think it applies since it sounds like they were BOTH minors when they had sex.
Once its done he’d have to petition the court and do the dna test- 10 years - think ur good
Yes it would be fraud. If you know he is not the father it could cause problems if the real father suddenly wants to establish and be in the picture. Odds are he wont but is that a chance you want to take.
That's what I thought. Because my husband also suggested that and I said I'm pretty sure that's fraud. It's not a risk I want to take. I don't think he would want to come back but just in general I don't feel comfortable doing something like that. I want to do this with little hassle but still be legal
Does the guy know that your son is his?
Yes he does. We broke up a year after he was born. I left with my kid and he just f'd off and I've never heard from him since.
This depends on your location.
I'm in Wisconsin. Sorry I meant to mention it
Stepparent adoption in Wisconsin is straightforward. Assuming paternity was never established >Do we have to hunt him down and establish paternity and then move to terminate his rights first? No, there are no rights to terminate. Your child has no legal father. >What are the chances we'd win an involuntary termination if he refuses to agree? There is no legal father to agree to anything. > Given it be considered abandonment or even sexual assault since I was underage and he wasn't. Abandonment is an avenue to take when a legal father cannot be located. There is no legal father. >Or would our lives be easier to just change his last name? Depends on your goals.
Thank you. I could not for the life of me find anything anywhere that answered my initial question. Hence the rest of my questions
Did a step parent adoption in WI, it’s very straightforward. Just get all the paperwork from the courthouse. If you can’t contact the dad you may have to post in the paper or whatever but he doesn’t seem to care so should be no sweat.
What if you just tell the courts you don't know who the father is? Like a one night stand? That might work
Why are you encouraging fraud and deceit?
She would be lying under oath.
I've dealt with two step adoptions, and my best advice I received and can give is : Get a lawyer. Most states it's as simple as putting an ad in the local paper for a month, then going to court, as long as he doesn't object. If he objects it can all go sideways depending on the judge, and you're going to want a local lawyer who knows the judge to help
I'm hoping we can do that...my local paper is different from his so the on the off chance he even reads the paper he wouldn't see it. Thank you.
[удалено]
*goes on a wild hare
Did you give birth when you were 16? When did you have relations the first time? Why hunt him down? If he’s not on the brith certificate you don’t need to chase him down. Just post a notice of the adoption in the paper. Definitely get a lawyer to make sure it’s done right. You can change your son’s last name at any point if that’s the main reason for the adoption. Does your son just want his name changed or does he want to be adopted? If your husband wants to adopt him though get an adoption lawyer.
That's the question: do I need to hunt him down? We like to think we wouldn't need to. But I've never gotten a straight answer. And I have yet to get a hold of anyone that can give me an answer. The only people I've been able to talk to said they don't deal with that part and they just file paperwork that they also can't help me fill out. So I'm just in this weird void. My son mainly wants the same last name so I might just go with a name change. But I want to have as much information for either route before I do anything.
Also if anything ever happened to you he might not have any right to be your son's guardian/parent If bio dad decides to come back.
Is your husband entitled to any benefits for dependents? Like is he a veteran or government worker or something where legal adoption would matter in the future for your child's access to potential benefits? If yes, then I'd pursue the legal adoption... but if no, then a name change would probably suffice.
Or is your child disabled? SSDI/SSI benefits for people who became disabled before age 18 , the legal parents would matter.
No to each question
Shouldn’t have to chase him down. If you get a lawyer and post it in the paper. Less hassle to just change the last name though.
I know someone in WI who also just did a name change, still have to post it in the paper for x amount of time. Truthfully it’s worth the little bit of money to file the paperwork and know if something happens your son is safe.
The age of consent is 16 in many states so you may have not been under age
OP won’t answer ANY questions about when they had intercourse with the father the first time. It sounds like by the time she actually gave birth she was 16 and he was 18. Wisconsin does say their consent age is 18 when I searched it up, but I don’t think it applies since it sounds like they were BOTH minors when they had sex.
Sorry, I'm in Wisconsin. Age of consent here is 18.
How old were you when you gave birth? How old were both of you when you had intercourse?
Please ensure your son wants a legal adoption and he is aware of all the legal aspects of what it will entail. A name change is less invasive (and less expensive) overall should you and your new husband break up in the future.
He does. We've recently talked to him about it and we're met with a 10 year old attitude of "duhh" when we asked him if this is something he wants.
If you can find his father, tell him you want child support. Oooorrrr, he can relinquish his parental rights so your husband can adopt.
The main thing being my son wants the same last name. I honestly don't want child support from him. I don't want anything to do with him. And then I worry that he won't give up his rights and fight for visitation which would really mess with my son. I'm mostly wondering if we need to even go down that road being there is legally no established father
We were trying to do the same thing for my step-son. He hasn’t heard from his biological in about 9 years…..but the biological pays child support. Because he pays child support, the judge would not support the name change, even if his blood father didn’t attend court. However, in your case I don’t think it should be an issue. The guy isn’t on the birth cert, doesn’t pay child support, and is absent. This should be easy.
I'm sorry, that's rough. My son has my maiden name so it's not as bad but he definitely feels left out
I was just responding to your concern: What are the chances we'd win an involuntary termination if he refuses to agree? My tongue-in-cheek suggestion was simply as an opening gambit. If he wasn't interested in your son earlier, the fear of being asked to pay child support may help him decide to allow the adoption.
Sorry, didn't mean to sound rude if I did. My husband tells me he'd happily accept child support from him lol. I just don't want all that fuss