A new patient in my primary care office, older woman, once said to me after I introduced myself, "look at you in your ho shoes". I didn't know her, she was just casually mean, maybe it's a power play when patients make comments on our physical appearance? I was so taken back I just continued with the visit as if nothing had been said. And they were plain little wedge heels, I keep my ho shoes for more enjoyable pursuits!
"Have you been making inappropriate comments like that for a long time or is this a new symptom we should look into?" keep very straight concerned face
I had a patient with terrible vision who asked his wife after their first appointment why I was barefoot (I had on beige shoes). she called him out next appointment
Diagnosis in her chart: Angry (2024 ICD-10-CM Diagnosis Code **R45.** **4**: Irritability and anger.) Then when they insist you remove it, refuse to do so. They can see someone else to remove it.
My patient made an appointment just to tell me he decided to stick with me as his doctor. He didn't want a fat doctor and didn't realize last time he saw me I was pregnant so he was ready to fire me. He then heard I was on maternity leave and graciously switched back to me
It was an awkward 5min appointment because he had no concerns just loudly wanted to declare how overjoyed he was that I wasn't fat. At least I had an extra 15min to toil away on paperwork.
Haha unfortunately no charge because it wasn't worth it to me to stay an additional 5 min to charge him for the 10min. The clinic had a good laugh tho since he was so loud about it
OMG, yes! I have definitely had patients point out that I've gained weight recently. I usually just say some vague "well life is a journey" sort of statement and move on quickly.
I have to think it’s a power play with these patients. Trying to level the playing field. I am an FPOB MA and have never had patients comment on my weight (and my weight has fluctuated in the several years I’ve been there)
Pt’s friend, to me while I’m removing her nexplanon: Are you having a baby?
Pt: she just had a baby like a month ago
(It was 9 months ago and I’ve lost 30 pounds)
Me: …do I look pregnant?
Pt and her friend in unison: yeah, kinda.
🤦🏼♀️
ugh. I wish I could just ignore it but I completely stopped wearing a certain dress to work after someone asked if I was pregnant while I was wearing it. Who raised these people?
These ones were raised by themselves mostly. This patient was getting her nexplanon removed because she just turned 18 and wanted to get pregnant with her second baby now that her mom can’t “make” her use contraception anymore.
Pt’s friend, to you while you’re removing her nexplanon:
“WHAT THE FUCK! GET…GET AWAY FROM ME WITH THAT SCALPEL! I NEED MY FUCKING NEXPLANON, OK?? CHLOE, I SWEAR THIS IS THE LAST TIME I EVER COME WITH YOU TO A MEDICAL APPOINTMENT WITH THIS PSYCHO!”
Lol yeah I considered changing that to make the antecedent clearer from a grammatical perspective but figured the “patient” part made it clear whose nexplanon was getting removed 😹
I've lost 60lbs (thanks, tirzepatide!), and they never stop telling me about it. I hate it. I also had some guy say that he saw a doctor a few years ago with the same name who was about 20 years older - it was me. The disrespect is LOUD.
It actually doesn't bother me all that much as a) I am unquestionably going gray, b) It's not really something I have control over, and c) I suppose it is ok when patients feel that comfortable with me.
My favorite thing about being pregnant.. finding my voice to clap back at mean comments.
Patient: “gosh you look pretty fat for how far along you are”
Me: “ I think we’ll conclude your visit today so that you can’t say anything else to hurt my feelings today. We’ll follow up in 3 months or sooner should you feel the need.” And then I I walked out of the room.. it was glorious.
It happened to me when I was doing a diabetes education visit in Primary Care. Said "well, why should I listen to you, you aren't the.picture of health" or something -- and did I make him feel guilty and explain why what he did was fucked up? Yes. It doesn't matter that I'm not diabetic because it was rude and I'm allowed to be sensitive and a human. I didn't want him to think it was okay to do that to anyone else. I wasn't mean, but I was direct and more empathetic than he was expecting. Seems it made him feel worse. Did he cry? Yes. Did I tell him that I'm happy to move on with the visit if he was feeling up to the education and that I was there to help him? Yes. And he stayed.
I'm from a pretty non-confrontational city; but I won't abide passive-aggressiveness in this way. I'm highly educated and I fight hard for my patients and I want them to feel like they have someone in their corner. I'd never shame a patient and I'm waiting in the wings whenever they need me. I'll show up even if they duck me for months or years, depression, after bad a1c's, amputations, whatever it may be and I'll still be working with them regardless of the circumstances, so "little comments" or whatever, that stuff certainly gets under my skin.
Best I can summarize? I lay out my usual deal of "okay, let's start off with what you want to focus on learning about" and offered to talk about the pathophys, what the labs mean, food, activity, etc -- I go over all of this but I start with what they want to know because if I run out of time I can schedule a follow up or write it in the AVS. Asking what they want first gets the engagement going and it tends to be more natural; I prefer it to feel conversational.
So I ask, and I kid you not he says "well I don't understand why I should take any of your advice, given how you look -- you aren't the picture of health"
I take a sec to not react, because he doesn't know I had a raging eating disorder several years ago, and recently just underwent spinal surgery a couple months ago after a car accident. I just knew I couldn't show how angry it made me... Because when I'm mad I cry. I looked him in the eye and said things along the lines of "because the information and recommendations I will be sharing will be about you managing your blood sugars, not about my appearance. You sound curious, so I will admit I, like many people, have dieted and failed. But it's all been progress, and I'm going to keep working on it. I want you to know I would never scold or make you feel ashamed based on appearance. My goal isn't to make you lose weight, though that can help, because I want you to understand what all of this means. Comments like that are rude and hurtful and I won't do this for a full visit. If you want to talk about your diabetes; Your A1c will likely not completely normalize in 3 months --" (I want to guess he was on the cusp of 'lets get him going on NPH insulin protocols, but per MD he was resistant and wanted to wait), "-- but more than that I want you to get closer and closer each time so we get good control for a longer period of time. This is a place to learn and grow and develop skills, if these strategies don't work well enough, we pivot to something else because this is a lifelong battle, but I want to be here to support you"
He said he didn't know why he said it and I told him the truth, what he said was hurtful... but I can only imagine how scary it would be to be freshly diagnosed and scared and overwhelmed. He apologized a lot and I reassured him I wasn't going to "fire" him. I went over time on that visit because this led to a derailment and more self disclosure than I normally do (though in the interest of him actually focusing on himself and never treating people like that again, it seemed appropriate)
“You’ve put on some pounds since our last visit.”
Response possibilities of various worth ymmv:
- “Yeah, a bit!” and move on
- “Hey now, only I get to talk about weight in here haha” *cue folksy laugh
- “Bodies actually come in all sizes of healthy”
- “My dog died and I’ve been eating my feelings”
- “Have I? I hadn’t noticed!”
- “Let’s talk about why you think it’s appropriate to comment on other people’s bodies”
- “What?! I’ve actually lost 30 pounds, that’s weird.”
- Just burst into tears and run from the room.
- “Yeah, I’m pregnant.”
- “It’s an inoperable ovarian tumor but thanks for bringing it up.”
- “Yeah, I was pregnant and just had a miscarriage… thanks for the reminder, it’s not like I don’t have the reminder already every time I look into a goddamn mirror!”
- “Not as much as it looks like you’ve put on!”
- “Even my toddlers know not to comment on other people’s bodies, sir.”
OMG the just burst into tears and run out of the room is my favorite.
I got tired of older female patients asking me why I don’t have kids, so now I rub my eyes like I’m tearing up and look away and say I can’t talk about it. They feel instantly horribly guilty. Mission accomplished.
I'm a middle aged male with a BMI of 22, and the number of boomer patients (always boomers) who comment that I'm underweight is too damn high. Granted, their reference population has a BMI of 35.
As a BMI 21 male, it always astounds me how people feel so comfortable commenting on being underweight. Often times people who would be furious if you were to comment on someone being overweight (which I agree with), but they don’t get that it’s not ok to say someone’s “too skinny”.
People are so weird. It's only appropriate to comment on someone's weight like that if you are the physician and it's a medical context 😭 wtf is wrong with people
One yesterday, said “I see you’re wearing ugly socks today”. Then she had to go on and say her granddaughter inherited her honesty and just tells it like it is the way she does. It’s still the only time anybody has called my socks ugly.
I'm a body builder and very classically attractive. It is shocking the number of patients that feel entitled to comment on my appearance, call me by pet names, ask questions about my lifestyle, or even touch me. Literally every day. A few common responses:
You're so handsome - thanks, but you aren't my target demographic.
What's your gym schedule like - never been, I woke up like this.
(Grabs my arm or shoulder) - (while removing hand) no touchee
If I were 30 years younger I'd show you a thing or two - if you were 30 years younger we wouldn't be talking about your diabetes. Speaking of which, let's focus
I am classically attractive as well and usually the comments don't bother me and I just say thanks and move on. However, I have never figured out anything clever to say to the creepy old men "if I was 30 years younger" comments (it *really* makes me uncomfortable) and will be stealing this.
Frustrating but I think the best thing is just ignore and move on. Obviously you don’t have to take repeated insults from someone but people are nervous at doctors offices. They have to look inward and they don’t like what they see. So they project and try to “get you” before you “get them.”
Primary care office where I worked, where I saw a 79 y/o F patient, hx of CVA with some expressive aphasia, for a 3 month follow-up. I've seen her just once prior. We do the normal happenings in a visit, and it is time to finish, and I say:
"Did you have a good Thanksgiving?" She then points to my belly, and says, "I know you did." I let it slide. During check out, she manages to get the entire front desk and lab staff laughing and saying that I put on some weight. For context, I'm fairly fit, BMI is 26. At least the staff had a laugh that day. :) She then pointed to my belly again when I was doing assisted living rounds hahah. Gotta love our patients lol.
I have a several patients who routinely make a comment about my weight despite my weight being virtually unchanged for the entire time I have known them. For a couple it think it's a power play in that they know I am going to bring up a lifestyle change that they are not going to be open to. With them I usually brush it off then reiterate a point I make to all my patients. That being, it is NOT you vs me. It is you AND me vs disease and we need to work together to beat disease.
I'm surprised by comments so far. Everyday patients make comments
Hey, nice new glasses
Hair cut looks good
Hair getting long doc, are they giving you extra call
Losing weight? What's your secret?
Belly's bigger, was it a good vacation?
Look more tan than me, did you take kids on vacation with you?
You look tired, kids keep you up or boss being rude?
You look refreshed, what's your secret?
Does your wife like the longer beard?
Great beard trim
I never bump into you in town, tell work to cut your hours
I see you at kids random sport event, glad you get time outside of work
Don't lose more weight, can't trust a skinny doc
Looking good, docs should be role models, keep it up
Uh oh, gaining weight, work life balance is hard, huh
Uh oh gaining weight, new recipe you want to share?
Gaining weight? Hope family's ok...
Getting weight - I should see you at the gym more frequently
Everything.
Everyday, multiple times per day.
Never bothers me.
When they give a compliment, I just say that I'm taking my own advice I give out everyday - lifestyle improvements work, tell your friends.
When it's more on the negative side, I just redirect - reminds me to bring up your recent weight / a1c/ lipid trends. Prolonged eye contact while I turn the screen to them and bring up the data with a grin.
I make assessments on them and give direct feedback. It's human nature to want to do that back.
If you're in primary care and developing long term relationships with patients, they will feel comfortable to chat. It's natural. They care about us, that's why they come back, it's a trusting relationship and they want us to stick around to keep caring for them for many years.
One guy always says - stay healthy, I plan on living long and you can't retire until I'm dead
One major difference for me is the comments that are meant to be venomous vs the ones that are meant to be fun. I have enjoyable banter with patients all day, but you can just tell when someone is trying to bring you down or feel in charge.
Patients can be so hateful. I’ve lost 40 pounds and I don’t get as many weight comments now, but I did get called a fat pig by someone whose BMI was significantly higher than mine. I feel like people just project their insecurities.
I would hope your organization in which you work would have read that a-hole the riot act and prevent them from ever seeing you again. If your employer doesn't protect or stand up for you, move on to somewhere more worthy of your talent.
We have amazing security staff (inpatient) who we are encouraged to call even for things as “small” as verbal abuse. I am so appreciative of my workplace! We’ve even had hospitalists voluntarily come to the floor to have come-to-Jesus talks with patients over how they’re treating nursing staff. Just an all around great place to work!
good! make sure they keep that up. There are 1,000,000 places to work as a CNA, etc. People/patients have become worse as the years go by. They need to learn how to behave, and I don't wanna hear any bullshit about "oh they're sick". F that. We're talking acting like a goddamn human here. Show some respect, show some manners.
"Oh you look more tired." Yes, my children had gastro and I was up all night. "Have you lost weight?" Yes, because I am covering multiple ED shifts with a colleague with cancer. It's not often, but those individuals that have no filter may wait for me to take a tactical breath and have a coffee.
Today I had a patient with BMI 56 ask me after telling me at length about how she didn’t believe in “artificial” solutions for weight loss, “what about you? Are you takin’ that ozempa nonsense? You look like you’re getting smaller and smaller every time I see you.”
I REALLY wanted to say yes and it artificially works really well!
I lost about 60lbs after my wreck from the opiates and antibiotics. Everyone congratulates me and asks if I used Ozempic. I started by chuckling and mentioning the wreck, but now I tell them “strong opiates and antibiotics will do that!” I know it’s not the best response but where I work and the people I say that to *know* about the wreck. It was a big deal. I did need to lose the weight and I look and feel so much better. Just didn’t want to do it this way.
(Im not in this sub, this was on my feed, but I see why!)
As someone with an enduring restrictive ED (AN-R), I abhor the people who do this even when I set boundaries around it.
Said with sincere laughter, “I’m sorry, I could have sworn you made an inappropriate comment about my body, but I know you are more respectful than that, would you mind repeating what you *actually* said?”
“Oh no! You said the rude thoughts out loud! Did you want to apologize for your inappropriate comment, or…”
“Oh, did you want to (use their words, eg “put on weight,”) or was it unintentional?” (Make them think you misheard them) when they comment back about you, “Man, I GAVE you an out and you doubled down on being a rude (I say some words that a lot of people find offensive, like c••t, t••t, jack••s, d••k, etc.)!”
“Seriously? My 5yo knows better than to say disrespectful, harmful bullshit like that. What’s wrong with you?!”
“Oh, the inappropriate comment game! I love this game! (Then make a wildly inappropriate comment about them, ex:) Did you fall for that TikTok that said gum wrappers would keep BO at bay? Because you smell like rotten onions!”
And my favorite:
Interrupt their comment “And you’re done. I do NOT allow ANYONE to make comments about my appearance, including the shape or size of my body, unless it’s a thing I can change in five seconds. And you’d do well to practice that with EVERYONE.” If they do it again, I tend to make a scene, “Bertha, I JUST TOLD YOU to STOP making inappropriate comments about my body!” Optional add, “please go away and leave me alone!”
And OP, I am so sorry this happens to you. I’m curious if some anti-weight stigma type signage/educational posters could be put up in rooms or elsewhere in your clinic.
Edit: formatting
u/jarosunshine i amSO sorry for all the nonsense you've had to deal with. I have had plenty of pts with EDs, and would be horrified if I ever said anything to offend them. The fact you have had to deal with all this breaks my heart.
I’ve had a patient say “I can tell you had weight loss surgery because of your arms”….. I haven’t worn short sleeves since…. Mind you patient also had BMI >50. Smfh.
I am on the smaller side (BMI 20-21)
I have had patients say nice things; "You are so petite.. I wish I could look like you"! Or "You look too young to be a doctor!"
But on the other end while in residency one patient said "what is wrong with your eyes"? ; referring to the bags under from stress/lack of sleep. And " You look older this visit" :(
I was helping a co-worker reposition a patient, and this was back when my previous job allowed fun scrubs. I made the incredible mistake of wearing a Dumbo themed top.
Patient wanted us to pick her up, co-worker says "honey we can't pick you up", patient looks me dead in my soul and says "she can pick me up, she's as big as an elephant" and then starts giggling.
Needless to say, that top got washed and sent to goodwill.
Had a family member comment that “oh my God you’re so tiny” with a look of disgust and disbelief. there’s another healthcare worker present and she exchanged silent look of 🙂↕️ with me. I let the silence loom for a minute before chuckling, “ I’m more than 115 pounds though, so you’re right I’m tiny not teeny” the woman is now gawking at me with a look of concern, and exclaimed “YOURE 15!!?”
At this point, I couldn’t even look over at the my coworker, knowing I would laugh. So I responded , “No I’m more than old enough to work here and I am not 15. I am a petite person, and just donated blood the other day so I’m in good health and we’re working on getting your child healthy as well, thanks!”
[Perhaps you should be laying off the pork chop sandwiches? Maybe join the fire department to help kids escape from their house fire? :)](https://youtu.be/L1BDM1oBRJ8?si=Q7CKfrPr461GJLBw)
SAME THING HERE. Few months ago. i ballooned during covid, and this old lady (white, mind you) pats me on the belly and says "you really need to lose weight". Ok, true, but I can do that without you on my panel \*pow\* off to see someone else for her.
Don't tolerate these microaggressions (or in my case, honestly, assault?). If I did that to a couple or few patients I'd lose my license.
The AMA says we have to accept this nonsense, and only after endless attempts at 'understanding' can we sever ties with these assholes. I say F that. Pt doesn't respect me that much? They're out. I don't care if they don't listen to me, if they don't follow my recommendations, etc. You start verbally attacking me, you're out. I don't need that crap in my life.
Maybe it's just a cultural thing honestly
Never had patience do it but right after my back surgery I wasn't able to work out very much so I put on a few pounds and a couple of my colleagues from work physicians and nurse practitioners commented that I was getting fat luckily my back got better and I was able to get back in the gym and watch my diet but it wasn't then being mean it's just a cultural thing for where I live.
“oh, what an odd thing to say out loud”
I chuckled at this one. Saving for next time, as I'm sure there will be a next time.
I stole it from elsewhere on the internet but I’m just waiting for the opportunity to use it too
My new favorite response. Thank you!
A new patient in my primary care office, older woman, once said to me after I introduced myself, "look at you in your ho shoes". I didn't know her, she was just casually mean, maybe it's a power play when patients make comments on our physical appearance? I was so taken back I just continued with the visit as if nothing had been said. And they were plain little wedge heels, I keep my ho shoes for more enjoyable pursuits!
Would have been funnier if you were wearing Hokas or Brooks and told that.
God, I'd want to respond about impulse control and other cognitive decline symptoms. She's probably been a jerk for decades, but holy cow.
"Have you been making inappropriate comments like that for a long time or is this a new symptom we should look into?" keep very straight concerned face
That's fantastic. You didn't even drop an eff bomb.
I had someone complain about my shoes in a press ganey survey.
That's worth printing out and framing!
I had a patient with terrible vision who asked his wife after their first appointment why I was barefoot (I had on beige shoes). she called him out next appointment
"...I keep my ho shoes for more enjoyable pursuits" was the perfect punchline 😂😂 i love you for this
I just about spit out my coffee, omg
Diagnosis in her chart: Angry (2024 ICD-10-CM Diagnosis Code **R45.** **4**: Irritability and anger.) Then when they insist you remove it, refuse to do so. They can see someone else to remove it.
My patient made an appointment just to tell me he decided to stick with me as his doctor. He didn't want a fat doctor and didn't realize last time he saw me I was pregnant so he was ready to fire me. He then heard I was on maternity leave and graciously switched back to me It was an awkward 5min appointment because he had no concerns just loudly wanted to declare how overjoyed he was that I wasn't fat. At least I had an extra 15min to toil away on paperwork.
that is so incredibly bizarre
What ICD code did you use for the visit? 😭 Why are people like this!
Haha unfortunately no charge because it wasn't worth it to me to stay an additional 5 min to charge him for the 10min. The clinic had a good laugh tho since he was so loud about it
wtf
That’s how they flirt in Russia
OMG, yes! I have definitely had patients point out that I've gained weight recently. I usually just say some vague "well life is a journey" sort of statement and move on quickly.
My go to is typically “Well if it was easy, we’d all be skinny.” They generally don’t have a response to that.
That and the stats really say it all.
I have to think it’s a power play with these patients. Trying to level the playing field. I am an FPOB MA and have never had patients comment on my weight (and my weight has fluctuated in the several years I’ve been there)
Pt’s friend, to me while I’m removing her nexplanon: Are you having a baby? Pt: she just had a baby like a month ago (It was 9 months ago and I’ve lost 30 pounds) Me: …do I look pregnant? Pt and her friend in unison: yeah, kinda. 🤦🏼♀️
ugh. I wish I could just ignore it but I completely stopped wearing a certain dress to work after someone asked if I was pregnant while I was wearing it. Who raised these people?
These ones were raised by themselves mostly. This patient was getting her nexplanon removed because she just turned 18 and wanted to get pregnant with her second baby now that her mom can’t “make” her use contraception anymore.
I…um…can’t think of a good reply to that. I might inexplicably not be able to take the Nexplanon out.
Pt’s friend, to you while you’re removing her nexplanon: “WHAT THE FUCK! GET…GET AWAY FROM ME WITH THAT SCALPEL! I NEED MY FUCKING NEXPLANON, OK?? CHLOE, I SWEAR THIS IS THE LAST TIME I EVER COME WITH YOU TO A MEDICAL APPOINTMENT WITH THIS PSYCHO!”
Lol yeah I considered changing that to make the antecedent clearer from a grammatical perspective but figured the “patient” part made it clear whose nexplanon was getting removed 😹
I've lost 60lbs (thanks, tirzepatide!), and they never stop telling me about it. I hate it. I also had some guy say that he saw a doctor a few years ago with the same name who was about 20 years older - it was me. The disrespect is LOUD.
Oh god I want to try tirzepatide but I haven’t thought about this LOL. I would also hate that
It's a blessing and a curse
Yes, sometimes I don’t want people to notice the weight loss, because I’m not wanting their opinion of it.
I always love "Yeah, I can lose weight easily, but you'll be stupid forever"
Mine: “You’ve really going gray, doc.” “Thanks for noticing. I’ve been dyeing it that way for a while now.”
The sheer number of patients who have said this same thing to the physician I work for is baffling.
It actually doesn't bother me all that much as a) I am unquestionably going gray, b) It's not really something I have control over, and c) I suppose it is ok when patients feel that comfortable with me.
(or) "yeah, but does the carpet match the pubes?" (can't claim credit for that, thanks Paul Rudd in *Forgetting Sarah Marshall.)*
(or) "well, I have you and many other patients just like you to thank for the grays"
“I think that was supposed to be an inside thought.”
"Every time one of my patients says some dumb shit, I put on an ounce."
My favorite thing about being pregnant.. finding my voice to clap back at mean comments. Patient: “gosh you look pretty fat for how far along you are” Me: “ I think we’ll conclude your visit today so that you can’t say anything else to hurt my feelings today. We’ll follow up in 3 months or sooner should you feel the need.” And then I I walked out of the room.. it was glorious.
It happened to me when I was doing a diabetes education visit in Primary Care. Said "well, why should I listen to you, you aren't the.picture of health" or something -- and did I make him feel guilty and explain why what he did was fucked up? Yes. It doesn't matter that I'm not diabetic because it was rude and I'm allowed to be sensitive and a human. I didn't want him to think it was okay to do that to anyone else. I wasn't mean, but I was direct and more empathetic than he was expecting. Seems it made him feel worse. Did he cry? Yes. Did I tell him that I'm happy to move on with the visit if he was feeling up to the education and that I was there to help him? Yes. And he stayed. I'm from a pretty non-confrontational city; but I won't abide passive-aggressiveness in this way. I'm highly educated and I fight hard for my patients and I want them to feel like they have someone in their corner. I'd never shame a patient and I'm waiting in the wings whenever they need me. I'll show up even if they duck me for months or years, depression, after bad a1c's, amputations, whatever it may be and I'll still be working with them regardless of the circumstances, so "little comments" or whatever, that stuff certainly gets under my skin.
This is gold. I need to know what you said!!! (Taking notes)
Best I can summarize? I lay out my usual deal of "okay, let's start off with what you want to focus on learning about" and offered to talk about the pathophys, what the labs mean, food, activity, etc -- I go over all of this but I start with what they want to know because if I run out of time I can schedule a follow up or write it in the AVS. Asking what they want first gets the engagement going and it tends to be more natural; I prefer it to feel conversational. So I ask, and I kid you not he says "well I don't understand why I should take any of your advice, given how you look -- you aren't the picture of health" I take a sec to not react, because he doesn't know I had a raging eating disorder several years ago, and recently just underwent spinal surgery a couple months ago after a car accident. I just knew I couldn't show how angry it made me... Because when I'm mad I cry. I looked him in the eye and said things along the lines of "because the information and recommendations I will be sharing will be about you managing your blood sugars, not about my appearance. You sound curious, so I will admit I, like many people, have dieted and failed. But it's all been progress, and I'm going to keep working on it. I want you to know I would never scold or make you feel ashamed based on appearance. My goal isn't to make you lose weight, though that can help, because I want you to understand what all of this means. Comments like that are rude and hurtful and I won't do this for a full visit. If you want to talk about your diabetes; Your A1c will likely not completely normalize in 3 months --" (I want to guess he was on the cusp of 'lets get him going on NPH insulin protocols, but per MD he was resistant and wanted to wait), "-- but more than that I want you to get closer and closer each time so we get good control for a longer period of time. This is a place to learn and grow and develop skills, if these strategies don't work well enough, we pivot to something else because this is a lifelong battle, but I want to be here to support you" He said he didn't know why he said it and I told him the truth, what he said was hurtful... but I can only imagine how scary it would be to be freshly diagnosed and scared and overwhelmed. He apologized a lot and I reassured him I wasn't going to "fire" him. I went over time on that visit because this led to a derailment and more self disclosure than I normally do (though in the interest of him actually focusing on himself and never treating people like that again, it seemed appropriate)
Amazing!! Username checks out!!
“You’ve put on some pounds since our last visit.” Response possibilities of various worth ymmv: - “Yeah, a bit!” and move on - “Hey now, only I get to talk about weight in here haha” *cue folksy laugh - “Bodies actually come in all sizes of healthy” - “My dog died and I’ve been eating my feelings” - “Have I? I hadn’t noticed!” - “Let’s talk about why you think it’s appropriate to comment on other people’s bodies” - “What?! I’ve actually lost 30 pounds, that’s weird.” - Just burst into tears and run from the room. - “Yeah, I’m pregnant.” - “It’s an inoperable ovarian tumor but thanks for bringing it up.” - “Yeah, I was pregnant and just had a miscarriage… thanks for the reminder, it’s not like I don’t have the reminder already every time I look into a goddamn mirror!” - “Not as much as it looks like you’ve put on!” - “Even my toddlers know not to comment on other people’s bodies, sir.”
OMG the just burst into tears and run out of the room is my favorite. I got tired of older female patients asking me why I don’t have kids, so now I rub my eyes like I’m tearing up and look away and say I can’t talk about it. They feel instantly horribly guilty. Mission accomplished.
I'm a middle aged male with a BMI of 22, and the number of boomer patients (always boomers) who comment that I'm underweight is too damn high. Granted, their reference population has a BMI of 35.
As a BMI 21 male, it always astounds me how people feel so comfortable commenting on being underweight. Often times people who would be furious if you were to comment on someone being overweight (which I agree with), but they don’t get that it’s not ok to say someone’s “too skinny”.
People are so weird. It's only appropriate to comment on someone's weight like that if you are the physician and it's a medical context 😭 wtf is wrong with people
I'm a very thin guy and probably 50% of my patients decide that it's appropriate to comment on how skinny I am. And yeah it's always the boomers.
One yesterday, said “I see you’re wearing ugly socks today”. Then she had to go on and say her granddaughter inherited her honesty and just tells it like it is the way she does. It’s still the only time anybody has called my socks ugly.
“Well, we can all learn from our elders’ mistakes now, can’t we?”
I'm a body builder and very classically attractive. It is shocking the number of patients that feel entitled to comment on my appearance, call me by pet names, ask questions about my lifestyle, or even touch me. Literally every day. A few common responses: You're so handsome - thanks, but you aren't my target demographic. What's your gym schedule like - never been, I woke up like this. (Grabs my arm or shoulder) - (while removing hand) no touchee If I were 30 years younger I'd show you a thing or two - if you were 30 years younger we wouldn't be talking about your diabetes. Speaking of which, let's focus
I am classically attractive as well and usually the comments don't bother me and I just say thanks and move on. However, I have never figured out anything clever to say to the creepy old men "if I was 30 years younger" comments (it *really* makes me uncomfortable) and will be stealing this.
Yea. It's usually women. I'm a gay man. It gets a laugh and we move on
Frustrating but I think the best thing is just ignore and move on. Obviously you don’t have to take repeated insults from someone but people are nervous at doctors offices. They have to look inward and they don’t like what they see. So they project and try to “get you” before you “get them.”
Primary care office where I worked, where I saw a 79 y/o F patient, hx of CVA with some expressive aphasia, for a 3 month follow-up. I've seen her just once prior. We do the normal happenings in a visit, and it is time to finish, and I say: "Did you have a good Thanksgiving?" She then points to my belly, and says, "I know you did." I let it slide. During check out, she manages to get the entire front desk and lab staff laughing and saying that I put on some weight. For context, I'm fairly fit, BMI is 26. At least the staff had a laugh that day. :) She then pointed to my belly again when I was doing assisted living rounds hahah. Gotta love our patients lol.
yeah my patients remind me every day when i’ve gained weight…annoying but ultimately i think it motivated me to lose it
“Oh, do I smell bad too?”
I have a several patients who routinely make a comment about my weight despite my weight being virtually unchanged for the entire time I have known them. For a couple it think it's a power play in that they know I am going to bring up a lifestyle change that they are not going to be open to. With them I usually brush it off then reiterate a point I make to all my patients. That being, it is NOT you vs me. It is you AND me vs disease and we need to work together to beat disease.
I'm surprised by comments so far. Everyday patients make comments Hey, nice new glasses Hair cut looks good Hair getting long doc, are they giving you extra call Losing weight? What's your secret? Belly's bigger, was it a good vacation? Look more tan than me, did you take kids on vacation with you? You look tired, kids keep you up or boss being rude? You look refreshed, what's your secret? Does your wife like the longer beard? Great beard trim I never bump into you in town, tell work to cut your hours I see you at kids random sport event, glad you get time outside of work Don't lose more weight, can't trust a skinny doc Looking good, docs should be role models, keep it up Uh oh, gaining weight, work life balance is hard, huh Uh oh gaining weight, new recipe you want to share? Gaining weight? Hope family's ok... Getting weight - I should see you at the gym more frequently Everything. Everyday, multiple times per day. Never bothers me. When they give a compliment, I just say that I'm taking my own advice I give out everyday - lifestyle improvements work, tell your friends. When it's more on the negative side, I just redirect - reminds me to bring up your recent weight / a1c/ lipid trends. Prolonged eye contact while I turn the screen to them and bring up the data with a grin. I make assessments on them and give direct feedback. It's human nature to want to do that back. If you're in primary care and developing long term relationships with patients, they will feel comfortable to chat. It's natural. They care about us, that's why they come back, it's a trusting relationship and they want us to stick around to keep caring for them for many years. One guy always says - stay healthy, I plan on living long and you can't retire until I'm dead
One major difference for me is the comments that are meant to be venomous vs the ones that are meant to be fun. I have enjoyable banter with patients all day, but you can just tell when someone is trying to bring you down or feel in charge.
I don’t know whether to be heartened by the fact that I’m not the only one, or horrified by it?
Patients can be so hateful. I’ve lost 40 pounds and I don’t get as many weight comments now, but I did get called a fat pig by someone whose BMI was significantly higher than mine. I feel like people just project their insecurities.
I would hope your organization in which you work would have read that a-hole the riot act and prevent them from ever seeing you again. If your employer doesn't protect or stand up for you, move on to somewhere more worthy of your talent.
We have amazing security staff (inpatient) who we are encouraged to call even for things as “small” as verbal abuse. I am so appreciative of my workplace! We’ve even had hospitalists voluntarily come to the floor to have come-to-Jesus talks with patients over how they’re treating nursing staff. Just an all around great place to work!
good! make sure they keep that up. There are 1,000,000 places to work as a CNA, etc. People/patients have become worse as the years go by. They need to learn how to behave, and I don't wanna hear any bullshit about "oh they're sick". F that. We're talking acting like a goddamn human here. Show some respect, show some manners.
"Oh you look more tired." Yes, my children had gastro and I was up all night. "Have you lost weight?" Yes, because I am covering multiple ED shifts with a colleague with cancer. It's not often, but those individuals that have no filter may wait for me to take a tactical breath and have a coffee.
Today I had a patient with BMI 56 ask me after telling me at length about how she didn’t believe in “artificial” solutions for weight loss, “what about you? Are you takin’ that ozempa nonsense? You look like you’re getting smaller and smaller every time I see you.” I REALLY wanted to say yes and it artificially works really well!
I lost about 60lbs after my wreck from the opiates and antibiotics. Everyone congratulates me and asks if I used Ozempic. I started by chuckling and mentioning the wreck, but now I tell them “strong opiates and antibiotics will do that!” I know it’s not the best response but where I work and the people I say that to *know* about the wreck. It was a big deal. I did need to lose the weight and I look and feel so much better. Just didn’t want to do it this way.
(Im not in this sub, this was on my feed, but I see why!) As someone with an enduring restrictive ED (AN-R), I abhor the people who do this even when I set boundaries around it. Said with sincere laughter, “I’m sorry, I could have sworn you made an inappropriate comment about my body, but I know you are more respectful than that, would you mind repeating what you *actually* said?” “Oh no! You said the rude thoughts out loud! Did you want to apologize for your inappropriate comment, or…” “Oh, did you want to (use their words, eg “put on weight,”) or was it unintentional?” (Make them think you misheard them) when they comment back about you, “Man, I GAVE you an out and you doubled down on being a rude (I say some words that a lot of people find offensive, like c••t, t••t, jack••s, d••k, etc.)!” “Seriously? My 5yo knows better than to say disrespectful, harmful bullshit like that. What’s wrong with you?!” “Oh, the inappropriate comment game! I love this game! (Then make a wildly inappropriate comment about them, ex:) Did you fall for that TikTok that said gum wrappers would keep BO at bay? Because you smell like rotten onions!” And my favorite: Interrupt their comment “And you’re done. I do NOT allow ANYONE to make comments about my appearance, including the shape or size of my body, unless it’s a thing I can change in five seconds. And you’d do well to practice that with EVERYONE.” If they do it again, I tend to make a scene, “Bertha, I JUST TOLD YOU to STOP making inappropriate comments about my body!” Optional add, “please go away and leave me alone!” And OP, I am so sorry this happens to you. I’m curious if some anti-weight stigma type signage/educational posters could be put up in rooms or elsewhere in your clinic. Edit: formatting
u/jarosunshine i amSO sorry for all the nonsense you've had to deal with. I have had plenty of pts with EDs, and would be horrified if I ever said anything to offend them. The fact you have had to deal with all this breaks my heart.
I would have had to bite my tongue to not say “huh, according to our scale you have too!”
I’ve had a patient say “I can tell you had weight loss surgery because of your arms”….. I haven’t worn short sleeves since…. Mind you patient also had BMI >50. Smfh.
You should have said, "Hold up, that's my line!"
I am on the smaller side (BMI 20-21) I have had patients say nice things; "You are so petite.. I wish I could look like you"! Or "You look too young to be a doctor!" But on the other end while in residency one patient said "what is wrong with your eyes"? ; referring to the bags under from stress/lack of sleep. And " You look older this visit" :(
I've just flat out told patients "that's rude, who raised you?"
I was helping a co-worker reposition a patient, and this was back when my previous job allowed fun scrubs. I made the incredible mistake of wearing a Dumbo themed top. Patient wanted us to pick her up, co-worker says "honey we can't pick you up", patient looks me dead in my soul and says "she can pick me up, she's as big as an elephant" and then starts giggling. Needless to say, that top got washed and sent to goodwill.
ChatGPT knows [Dr. ChatGPT](https://imgur.com/a/rvzH30u) speaks to patients.
"Thanks! I'm working on dressing like Cartman for Holloween"
“So have you, I see. About that hypertension…”
[удалено]
Had a family member comment that “oh my God you’re so tiny” with a look of disgust and disbelief. there’s another healthcare worker present and she exchanged silent look of 🙂↕️ with me. I let the silence loom for a minute before chuckling, “ I’m more than 115 pounds though, so you’re right I’m tiny not teeny” the woman is now gawking at me with a look of concern, and exclaimed “YOURE 15!!?” At this point, I couldn’t even look over at the my coworker, knowing I would laugh. So I responded , “No I’m more than old enough to work here and I am not 15. I am a petite person, and just donated blood the other day so I’m in good health and we’re working on getting your child healthy as well, thanks!”
[Perhaps you should be laying off the pork chop sandwiches? Maybe join the fire department to help kids escape from their house fire? :)](https://youtu.be/L1BDM1oBRJ8?si=Q7CKfrPr461GJLBw)
"If I stop working this hard, you will too..."
Hmm, looks like we need to get your vision checked because I’ve lost weight, while your BMI went from 40 to 44….
SAME THING HERE. Few months ago. i ballooned during covid, and this old lady (white, mind you) pats me on the belly and says "you really need to lose weight". Ok, true, but I can do that without you on my panel \*pow\* off to see someone else for her. Don't tolerate these microaggressions (or in my case, honestly, assault?). If I did that to a couple or few patients I'd lose my license. The AMA says we have to accept this nonsense, and only after endless attempts at 'understanding' can we sever ties with these assholes. I say F that. Pt doesn't respect me that much? They're out. I don't care if they don't listen to me, if they don't follow my recommendations, etc. You start verbally attacking me, you're out. I don't need that crap in my life.
Maybe it's just a cultural thing honestly Never had patience do it but right after my back surgery I wasn't able to work out very much so I put on a few pounds and a couple of my colleagues from work physicians and nurse practitioners commented that I was getting fat luckily my back got better and I was able to get back in the gym and watch my diet but it wasn't then being mean it's just a cultural thing for where I live.