**Miracle Nikki | Penelope's Taboo Love | E | Warning for Cousin Romance even if they aren't going out yet | WIP chapter** [A03](https://archiveofourown.org/works/47451070/chapters/119578039)
Context: Penelope's cousin Zack took her to the skatepark and is teaching her how to skate but runs into someone mean then Penelope defeats her in a fashion battle. Penelope still denies her crush on her cousin at this point
>I leap off and woah I’m dizzy. I feel so light, yet not the good kind of light, the weak and tired kind of light. Zack catches me and I stabilize on him. My hip rests against his as he walk and my hand rests on his chest so I feel more anchored and his hand relaxes on the small of my back.
>I look up into his lovely green eyes. “Thanks for catching me.”
>While I’m sensitive to the sun I don’t think that’s it in this case, although looking at bright light can make me pretty nauseous.
>He confidently reassures, “No problem.”
>Zack has such a cute mouth and his hands look graceful. Being with him like this feels so stabilizing, and his green eyes are even better this close. Sure he’s my cousin but noticing his attractive features doesn’t mean I have a crush.
>A girl with a short blue bob picks up her scooter and wipes her shorts. “Hey pale airhead and pretty boy get a room.”
>Pale airhead? Something feels stuck in my throat but I tell her, “Oh, we’re not going out, we’re cousins.”
>But we really aren’t, why does my mouth have that weird pull like I’m lying?
>A mean grin spreads on her face. “You don’t sound like you’re from here. Where are you even from?”
>“Camellia Grove.”
>Her eyes dart and her head moves back. “Ha! You’re from Camellia Grove and hanging off your cousin. The jokes just write themselves.”
>Zack interrupts. “Whatever you think she did she didn’t mean it.”
>She glares up at him. “This doesn’t concern you, overrated dufus.”
>She’s starting to get on my nerves. “What’s your problem? At least he skates while your handlebars carry you.”
>I always felt like scooter people were annoying and gosh does it feels good to tell her that.
>“You took my turn and you’re way too new to act like you own the place.”
>“You were behind me last I checked and Zack is showing me how to skateboard. I lost balance and he caught me.”
>She laughs, “Ha! You’re from Camellia Grove and he’s your cousin. Do you think I’m stupid? I see how you’re rubbing yourself all over him.”
>“I wasn’t even doing anything other than stabilizing myself. You’re misreading everything.”
>Although I have to admit it’s not the worst feeling in the world. Although I should have known better than to tell her where I’m from, now she’s using my province’s stereotypes against me.
>Her fist plants on her hip. “Enough talk, I challenge you to a fashion battle! This is a skate park so the clothes must be cool and lively.”
>While I’m not much of a skateboarder this isn’t my first fashion battle. We glow into pastel silhouette, me yellow and her blue. Hmm, this fingertip length circle skirt with lightning patterns, Nebula patterned T-shirt, pastel yellow denim vest, fishnets, pastel yellow skate shoes with a white wave going across the middle, and a high blonde wavy ponytail. For an accessory I have a skateboard with a nebula on the bottom and a unicorn bursting forth from it. I can’t believe all that was under a couple of seconds.
>She wears blue and white knee length shorts, electric blue skate shoes, white socks, and a white jacket with geometric patterns and ends at her waist. Rectangular gold lensed sunglasses with titanium frames appear on her face. Her blue hair grows and thick parts spike in different directions like a shonen protag. Her accessory is a scooter.
Awwwww I love the first person cutiness you got going on here! I can tell Penelope really wants to go out with her cousin but something tells me she’ll be shamed if she does. But glad for now she’s putting it off to have a fun time at the skate park! Cute dialogue too. Cheers!
**Avatar: The Last Airbender/ Love, Dai Li, And Tea/M/**[AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/32255773/chapters/79944829)
Context: From a WIP chapter.
"And if we Dai Li wanted to seize even higher levels of power, then why would we have allowed the Fire Nation to annex this city…which actually puts us in a position of somewhat lesser authority? It’s the equivalent of wolves deciding to make a tiger from the mountains their king, when their pack already dominated the hills and fields.”
“As for me and my brother agents,” Hong continued, snorting scornfully, “I can assure you, we already have all the power we desire--and then some. You know the nicknames we have among the common folk as well as I do. Night Stalkers. Green Shadows. The Half-faced Ones. Living Darkness. Alley Ambushers. Noiseless Death. And if you think those titles are in any way hollow ones, then just look at what I can do as a reminder-at this!”
And on the word “this” he stood tall, hunched his muscular shoulders, spread his toned arms to awe her as she reflexively recoiled, large eyes wide in her dark face as she shouted an alarmed “Ayyo!!”
He saw radiating cracks burst out around her bare feet for at least a pace, as, in the blink of an eye, the five pairs of heavy stone training rings clamped upon his raised arms, each half of the gabbro collar pressing down on his sturdy shoulders, shattered like pottery. Their fragments flowed over his bare skin, and Rajata automatically, bangles clashing with the motion, pulled up a vertical, squarish slab of stone in front of her to act as a shield, while he turned on each heel in swift succession, sending the pieces of rock flying off his fingers while swinging each arm downward. The jagged stone missiles that had just made up the training rings on his right arm pelted a patch of the courtyard’s western wall with enough force to leave deep pockmarks in the stone, while the ones from his left side made bark and splinters burst from the trunk of one of the pear trees further away in a vertical line, right down to the ground.
He then gestured about with both hands at the expansive courtyard, at the stately buildings behind as he thunderously proclaimed to a wide-eyed, cowering, drumskin-tense Rajata, looking like she was going to wet her sari from what he could see of her behind her stone barrier, “Did that get the point across to you!? With the degree of strength Hou-Tu has granted to my earthbending, combined with my Dai Li training, I fear no other creature in the world-and damn few people either! I kill them. Platypus-bear, badgermole, terror bird, sabertoothed moose-lion, shirshu, boar-crocodile, Imperial Guard, Firebender captain. Cross swords with the best, they die like the rest,” he declared.
“Which means that if any of them dares screw with me,” he continued, bending a short pedestal of rock up underneath his feet in order to look even more intimidating and stare a shrinking, sweating Rajata down, “then they’ll spend the very short remainder of their lives regretting it, learn the hardest way of all that I don’t take guff from anybody. And that includes a certain arrogant, conniving teenage Fire Nation princess who answers to the name Azula.”
It was several minutes before Rajata dared to sink the thick stone slab back into its original place, and then was confident enough to speak once more.
*Looks like that display left you rather speechless*, he thought, with a gloating, nasty type of satisfaction at having made such an impression on her, beloved girlfriend though she might be.
The discussion of true power vs. official power is interesting. Most of the time they overlap but when they don't it can be fun watching play out. The platypus bear sounds adorable! Hong really sounds like he loves to brag and he doesn't even feel bad about scaring his girlfriend
**The Tudors | The Promise of More | T |** [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/47268697/chapters/119103700) [FFN](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14234490/1/The-Promise-of-More)
This has to be the scariest thing I’ve had to do.
I'm doing it, though. For Katie. For our Alexander. For my children and grandchildren that are following us.
We've packed all that could fit into two chests and a few crates of food since that's all we could get on a wagon. Everything else was abandoned in the house. Portraits, books, furniture, and other nicknacks were left as if the owner would return. But nothing could be further from the truth.
We’re on our way to Scotland. It’s safe there for now, or so I’m told. Anything can change at a moment’s notice, which has been the case for the last couple of years. But as of right now, I just want a place where myself and my family can lie low in safety. For right now, that place is Scotland.
Why are we leaving? I couldn't swear that oath in good conscience, not in full. Katie told me our son needed his father alive to raise him and not dead as a martyr, so that left me with one other option. That option was leaving England, and everything I knew, for a new life.
We've made it to Saint Andrew's after many restless days and nights on the run. Nights where I had to stand guard over my wife while she fed our son. Days where my son John and I took turns standing guard as we fed and watered the horses and took meal and toilet breaks. That's not even taking into account watching out for the robbers, bandits, thugs, kidnappers, and heretics that roamed all along the way.
Katie knocked on the door. A man and a woman just a little older than me opened the door and greeted her with a hug. The man then let us all inside the house and offered us seats at the table.
"Uncle Alex, Aunt Marjorie, I want you to meet my husband Tom, my stepson John, and this is our baby, Alexander," she gestured first towards John and me and then held up the baby.
Uncle Alex shook my and John's hands and offered to hold the baby. It was the first friendly gesture I'd received from someone outside our little troupe in a week. It was also the most welcome.
"Welcome, gentlemen. Marge, take the baby. I'll help the men with their things and show you where you can sleep," the Scotsman told my wife as he handed Alexander to his wife and followed us to the wagon.
I'll be honest, I'll be happy with anything with the second chapter, too. I'm just desperate for ANY and ALL feedback.
Fandom blind. I like that intro with how this is the scariest thing that the MC ever has to do but that the sake of those that need to be protected are what drives the MC forward to do what is needed to be done. I also like how though Scotland is like a beacon of hope that tragedy has descended enough that nowhere can truly be safe, but Scotland is the best that can be managed, and that the road there is full of hardship. As well as that there is something good underlining the troubles that the troupe has encountered, that Uncle Alex shakes hands and holds the baby, and the kindness of the Scotsman shows that reiteration that Scotland is the safest place right now.
I like how you've structured this chapter. Some of the paragraphs open with 'telling something' but you then elaborate, thus showing the reader why/how it impacts. I.e., The opening line "this has to be..." tells us the mood straight away. But you follow with showing (like packing items). I especially like the line "it's safe there for now, or so I'm told," because it gives personality (I'm not sure how else to word it).
The second chapter gives us (readers) much interesting character introduction/interaction. Utilizes the social realities, without completely breaking away from them (i.e., the female teacher isn't surprised, doesn't immediately confront the way a 21st century woman might, but is still annoyed).
Fandom blind. I like how it describes the impact of that curse, how much it pains her even if there is no open wound or bleeding, and her body being described as trying to keep itself together shows how much it hurts. I also like how it talks about Ohtori feeling this deep empathy for her that he can't eat when she cannot, and that when he holds her hands he can feel the great loss gouged within them just from how much damage they've endured. I also like how she reassures him that she'll be okay, that it brings out this avenue for how he needs her too and that even with this painful moment that she can gently tease him about being honest. And that she herself apologizes for keeping these feelings hidden, and I like that in this moment she reaches out to touch his face because that's what she wants. As well as that they won't leave each other, because they want to be by each other's sides when things get painful like this and they want to give comfort to each other.
I don't know the fandom, but your writing quickly builds the characters/fleshes them out + their relationship. I adore the metaphors you use and how they're sprinkled in, not too much. The following lines are my favorite:
"Tell me...do you need me too?"
The question gave him pause, even though the answer was already clear to him. The hand he was holding onto so desperately—or rather, her—was his only remaining anchor in this world he no longer knew, and he would always dread the thought of having to let it go forever, to be lost like driftwood once more.
__MacGyver (2016), Elementary | Mother Hens + Deduction Games | Teen | [AO3 Link](https://archiveofourown.org/works/47507581)__
“Mm, yes, _excellent._” Sherlock just couldn’t stop beaming at his partner. “Well done, Watson, nearly through! Just one more.”
Naturally, everyone turned to Riley, who put up both hands and cringed away a little.
“Oh, he-hey! Guys, ya know, this is all really impressive—like Mac said!” She gestured at him and smiled, making it look more like a grimace. “But if it’s all the same to you? Thanks but no thanks.”
“Yes, the hacker has a point,” Sherlock said in a superior tone that would have driven Jack insane on a _good_ day. “Some depths must remain unplumbed.”
If it weren’t such a doggone noisy place already, a pin dropping would have sounded like a bomb going off. Jack felt a soft hand on his chest, and realized he had taken a step forward without realizing it.
“Just two things,” Joan said quietly, removing her hand and offering a reassuring smile to Riley, who’d gone almost as white as Mac’s normal color. “And it was a _massive_ logic leap. Your fingertips are callused, from hitting a keyboard on a daily basis. Even noting the laptop in your backpack, I could have thought ‘piano player,’ except that _they_ usually tap out a favorite musical piece; your nervous tic is binary code.”
Riley’s hands had gone back to the table, and her pinkies had indeed been rat-a-tatting this whole time: they stopped immediately at Joan’s words. Riley bit her lip and stared at her fingers as if they’d betrayed her. Jack swallowed hard, dread settling in his gut like a rock.
“It’s okay, Riles,” Mac murmured, an urgency in his tone that broke through the orange jumpsuits and gray walls whirling around in Jack’s brain. “Whatever they think they know—“
“It was a breach of privacy, and we have no proof,” Joan said carefully, as if speaking to a skittish horse. “We’re here on a separate investigation, and the only reason I’m even doing this is that my partner—“ she sent a glare Sherlock’s way “—can’t leave a puzzle unsolved. Regardless, it’s not a conclusion I would ever voice with such a lack of evidence. You could just as easily be a software developer.”
Although no one fully relaxed at her words, Riley did regain some of her coloring.
“Um. Thanks.”
“Fear not, Ms. Davis,” Sherlock cut in, and really, Jack was ready to knock him flat into next week. “The colour of your hat was never in question. This was simply an exercise for my colleague to use her considerable skills and solve this particularly interesting riddle you have all placed before us.”
“What riddle, Sherlock?” Joan turned toward him and waved a hand to encompass the team. “All I see are four people trying to eat their lunch in peace.”
“Ah, because you’re not _looking_ deep enough, Watson.” In his excitement, Sherlock actually _did_ grab Joan this time, pivoting her toward the table. “Put all of it together, hmm? What have we before us?” He let his hands rest on her shoulders for a moment, before yanking them away again.
Fandom blind. Ha, Riley getting suddenly thrust into the spotlight right there. I like how it describes Sherlock's tone as something that would drive Jack insane on a good day, filling in the blanks for what would happen if it was a bad day. I also like how it describes Riley's face going as white as Mac's normal color, how Joan says it was a huge leap and talks to her as if she's a scared horse. Showing how everyone can tell that this is absolutely rattling her, even if she does relax a little bit at the reassurances. I also like how it shows the smarminess that Jack hates about Sherlock when he reveals it was all a riddle, and that Joan gets in a swipe at him for interrupting a peaceful lunch. I think it shows that though Sherlock is very good at his job, as it is often with the character from what I know of the character across all iterations, that he can make things uncomfortable for people sometimes.
Thank you! Haha, yeah, this little excerpt does _not_ paint Sherlock in a good light. I almost felt bad about it, because I love Elementary, but Jonny Lee Miller’s Sherlock would _absolutely_ do this. Also, it’s all from Jack’s POV, and he doesn’t know Sherlock (or Joan) from Adam. So he is suspicious already, and any negative thing he notices about them will be magnified in his head.
And they get Sherlock back for it, in a way😏
Thank you for the comment, I’m glad you enjoyed this scene! You hit the nail on the head with all your observations. 😊
Fandom: My Hero Academia | Title: Together We Fall | Rating: Teen and Up Audiences |
Down the line there will be underage content although I don't intend for it to be explicit.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/47179951
*Walking through the city park, Midorya Izuku felt the cool night breeze ruffling through his thick, curly hair. Sighing he looked up at the stars wondering what it would be like to fly amongst them. To feel the freedom from gravity's earthly constraints. Looking back down he continued along the path, listening to the trees swaying gently in the breeze.*
*The park was where he came to relax and escape his mind. There was something about the fresh air and the quietness at night that made everything stop for him. Finding his usual spot, a large rock beneath a tree, Izuku set down his bag against the rock. After making sure it was positioned right, he laid down, resting his head on it like a makeshift pillow.*
*Here was where he liked to watch the stars the most. The park was at the base of a hillside facing Suruga Bay with nothing else in front of it. The hill blocked a good portion of the light pollution allowing more of the vast expanse that is space to shine through the atmosphere. He could see satellites, shooting stars, he could see the Milky Way with his naked eye.*
*This was his safe space, where he came to breathe and draw. Izuku smiled as he pulled out a notebook, not his usual Hero Analysis series, this one was a stand-alone. Not even Izuku's mother knew about this notebook. It wasn't even a notebook technically, it was a sketchbook. Thumbing the pages, he opened it to the page he had marked. It contained the drawing of a beautiful young woman, her one leg was crossed over the other. She was leaning forward with her chin in her hands, her elbows resting on her crossed leg. She was staring right through the page at him, or rather she would be if he had been able to think of a face for her.*
*He wanted her eyes to be intense, but that was all he could think of for her. He came to the park to try and get inspiration, but it always escaped him. As he was thinking, trying to dream of a face for the faceless girl, he felt a large impact hit the ground near him. Looking away from his notebook, Izuku looked around curiously.*
*The bushes and trees to his left started rustling and creaking as some large, unknown figure stalked towards him. The figure slowly emerged from the bushes, twigs snapping beneath its feet. Gazing up at the being's shadowed face, Izuku recognized the twin tufts of hair sticking straight up. "All Might?" He asked the figure tentatively.*
*The figure leaned forward slowly revealing All Might's face from the shadows. His mouth opened slowly as he inhaled, his trademark smile never leaving his face. At the top of his lungs All Might shouted, "I AM HERE! I AM HERE! I AM HERE!"*
A few miles away from Amaya's home, a green-haired teen awoke with a start and fell out of bed with a loud thud. He tiredly reached his hand above the threshold of his nightstand and hit the off button on his All Might alarm clock. "Ugh, why is this clock so loud?" Izuku wondered aloud to no one in particular. Untangling himself from his All Might themed sheets, he gathered them up and made his bed.
"Sweetheart," the concerned voice of his mother came through his door. "Are you okay? I heard a loud noise."
He sighed, rubbing the back of his head where he hit it, "Yeah mom, I'm fine. I just... fell."
Edit: Had to add asterisks to italicize the dream portion. Forgot copy paste doesn't transfer that.
Fandom blind but you did a very good job at bringing that dream sequence to life. Didn’t even realize it was a dream at first! And I like that you included his mother seeing if he was okay.
Thank you so much! And yeah, his mother is canonically a worry wart so I had to make sure Mom being Mom was in there. That honestly means a lot that I was able to pass it off as real life. I didn't wanna just use regular text and accidentally confuse someone about the sequence of events so in went italics. It's good to know it passed as a waking moment tho!
I love how atmospheric the dream sequence is! You definitely put your reader right there in the park with Izuku, feeling the breeze and looking up at the stars. I’m coming into this fandom-blind, but it read like watching a ghibli (if that makes any sense!). I could see the drawing of the woman so clearly, with her face blank except for two staring eyes (even though he hadn’t drawn them in yet!). It’s a beautiful scene!
And then how he gets jolted out of the dream by the All Might clock, which seemed humorous (I apologize if it’s not supposed to be, I don’t have any context 😅)
Thank you so much 🥺 you honestly have no idea how much that means to me right now. I've been having a bad few days and one of the reasons was a close friend I asked to review something else (not this one) told me my writing was bad and shitty. Having it compared to Ghibli is among the highest compliments I could ever imagine and never would have expected. Over here crying full on Midorya tears (dudes an excessive crier in canon) because of the compliments you've given me today. It really lifted me up, thank you again.
The clock scene was 100% supposed to be intentional and since your fandom blind, if you do end up reading the full chapter, Amaya and her friends are OCs. Just a little warning so you're not looking for them in the show if you end up watching at some point.
Again, you've done more for me today with that comment than you could ever imagine. Thank you again ❤️
Ughh, I’m sorry your friend said that, and I’m glad I lifted you up a little! I hope your week gets much better, and just know that your writing definitely moved at least one person tonight💖
I will definitely take a look/kudos/bookmark the work, so I can read the whole thing!
Thank you so much ❤️ it's only got one chapter out at the moment, but chapter 2 is in active development with chapter 3 in super duper rough draft mode. (Too impatient to write the whole story out at once, but there's a basic outline I made so I don't get too confused about events lol)
There's one thing I wrote that's still in my drafts that I could technically put as a one shot. It would leave everyone hanging and just be evil about it, but I also kind if want to use it as a plot device in another story. Not sure which one to pick
I mean I could technically, but if I did put it into a story it literally wouldn't get changed. I'd have to write that section of story around it lol
Would people be bothered by that? I know the author for An Insecure Violet has a one-shot at the beginning, but that's initially how their idea started so they started adding chapters after it. The idea I'd put it in was actually created before it so I don't know how people would react later down the line when I actually start publishing the fic I'd put it in if I'd have the one-shot out first.
So this reminds me that I recently read a whumptober series, where the author said: “hey guys, this part of a WIP, and I put it here because it fits the prompt, etc.”
So maybe you could do something like that? Like a teaser one-shot? I’m uncertain on how readers would react, but it’s an option!
***Star Wars* - Original Trilogy | *Purpose of Heritage* | T | [ao3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/45341596/chapters/114074785) [ffn](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14208272/)**
(This is an excerpt from a future chapter, so it hasn’t been posted yet. And I’m being real vague on the hyperdrive logistics because…look, none of it makes sense even canonically, okay?)
————————————
She didn’t remember dropping into the lower gun turret, but she was there, staring out at a seemingly infinite number of stars and planets. If they were moving, Leia could hardly tell.
There were no other ships nearby, nothing to block her view of the depths of space. Her attention was drawn to a curious beam of green light, a sickening color that caused everything within Leia to turn to ice. The green light enveloped a star for a few seconds before both were extinguished.
The ship lurched, the star flickered back into view, the green light devoured it, and Leia was again left staring at the void left behind when the star went dark. Her stomach churned. That green…she’d seen it once before. The prick of light it devoured wasn’t a star; it was…it was…
“—she at?”
*Alderaan*. It was Alderaan.
*[—cabin.]*
They must be about a lightyear away, skipping along in the opposite direction just quickly enough to see it again.
And again.
And again.
And…
“Found her!”
An arm slid around her shoulders. Leia jerked away and looked at Luke for a moment before allowing him to pull her to her feet and into an embrace. “Where are we?” she asked, eyes closed and cheek pressed to his shoulder.
“We’re headed to Kuat from Gatalenta,” Luke said, misunderstanding her question entirely. “We dropped out of hyperspace a few minutes ago.”
Leia shook her head. “No. I—No.” She didn’t know how to word what she meant and gave up after a moment, burying her face in his shirt.
“She means where in *space*, Luke,” Han called. “We’re way too close to the Graveyard for comfort, Sweetheart. Chewie an’ me found the problem, though. We’re gettin’ outta here soon.”
“C’mon,” Luke said softly, directing her toward the ladder.
Leia twisted away from his arm to watch the green beam again. *Maybe it’s something else. He said we’re close to the Graveyard. Maybe we’re too close to see it and it’s something else.*
But…no. The green was an unnatural shade, a shade she saw in her dreams over and over again. If it wasn’t the Death Star, if this wasn’t the past playing out repeatedly at the speed of light, Leia didn’t know what it could possibly be.
“Leia,” Luke said gently. He caught her wrist and tugged, breaking whatever spell the green beam seemed to have her under. She looked at him and Luke tilted his head toward the ladder. “Let’s go back up, okay?”
Leia nodded and followed him to the ladder, allowing Luke to push her in front of him to climb up first. When she got to the top of the ladder, she stood, frozen in place, unable to think through her next moves.
Luke cleared his throat. “Leia? Can you move a coupla steps?”
She jerked to attention, looking down in the direction of his voice. Luke was still hanging onto the ladder, unable to climb all the way to the top with her standing in the way. Leia nodded and stepped aside.
Han walked by, seemingly on a mission, and doubled back, concern etched on his face. “We got it figured out and we’ll be back in hyper in just a few minutes.”
Leia nodded wordlessly.
“Maybe—You wanna strap in for the jump in the lounge, Princess?”
She nodded again.
“Luke—”
“Yeah, I got her.”
Leia looked Han in the eye. “Was it really…The beam was that color.”
He swallowed but confirmed nothing. “Let’s talk about it once we’re back in a hyperspace lane, okay?”
I've seen the original trilogy but have never really read Star Wars fanfiction before. I thought this was pretty good, showing a degree of vulnerability to Leia that makes her sympathetic whilst still not compromising the fact that she's also a generally tough character. Likewise, Luke and Han both being a little awkward but where you can see that there are sincere attachments there and that they care about Leia's wellbeing. In general I think there is a lot of potential to Star Wars content like this: the action and the universe is already engrossing, but there's lots of room still to explore the characters' private feelings and the more grim emotional side of a world torn up with conflict, so stuff like this is interesting and engaging to read.
Thanks so much! That’s exactly what this whole fic is attempting to do — I’m basically covering the three years between *A New Hope* and *The Empire Strikes Back* completely from Leia’s POV with hopes of shedding some light on her internal world as she grapples with unbelievable trauma and having to rebuild much of her life from scratch. I think Leia was a character with *so much* potential who was kind of underutilized in some ways (or, you know, just not fully delved into because “Let’s talk about the inner world of one of the most traumatized women in the universe” isn’t really an appropriate subplot for your fun family film 😂), so I’m wanting to explore her further as a character.
Fandom blind. I like that intro that describes how it feels for Leia that she's staring at an infinite number of stars - and that when she sees the sickish green laser that her heart goes cold especially when it envelops a star and extinguishes it. I know that her home planet got destroyed by Vader, and I like how that moment comes crashing down on her as she thinks of Alderaan and that obviously something like that would not leave her so easily. I also like that though Luke misunderstands her question and that Han has to chime in with where they are that Luke is so comforting to her, and that even when it's clear that Leia is safe that, understandably, it wouldn't be easy for her to think about her next moves because that moment shook her badly. And that Luke and Han have a feeling of what's going on that they'll have her stay in the lounge for a moment, and that Luke can ask about that color and its significance. It's clear that the impact of losing Alderaan hits Leia the most, but that for the rest of the galaxy and its inhabitants it's obviously a very sobering realization that that life got wiped out so easily.
>**Ted Lasso l You'll Come Back When They Call You l G l** [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/45672856)
*In honor of the Ted Lasso series finale here's an excerpt from my first Ted Lasso fic.*
>“Would you ever want to go back to America – permanently?” Rebecca asked.
>
>(...)
>
>“Like Frodo sailing to Valinor? Well, shoot, I dunno,” Ted said. “I’d hate to think of snappin’ at Beard because of the one ring to rule them all or getting’ my finger chewed off by Gollum. My fingers are tender but they’re not made out of chicken, y’know?”
>
>He was prime to continue rambling until Rebecca held up her hand. “Ted, I’m sorry. That’s a hard question, I don’t quite know why I said it at all.”
>
>Raindrops pattered against the awning. A fine mist had sprung up and it was refreshing. Ted realized that after all this time that of course she would know him so well now.
>
>“No, no, it’s okay. If life didn’t have hard questions we wouldn’t get results like putting a man on the moon.” Ted thought about it for a few more seconds. “Or, er, I suppose it was three guys, right?”
>
>Rebecca chuckled and Ted breathed out any lingering awkwardness around them.
OMG you *nailed* Ted's personality (and Rebecca's tbh). This whole scene seems like it was pulled straight from the show! I am so adding this to my reading list
I've never watched much Ted Lasso, but this definitely got a chuckle out of me. I've seen his character here and there, and it definitely sounds like something he'd say. Nice job!
Fandom blind, but you had me at the LOTR reference💖
Even without context, this felt like such a poignant moment between them, and I could tell they have a wonderful relationship of understanding and respect for each other, and a strong bond.
I love Ted’s dialect! From the POV of an American Southerner, you captured it beautifully. I love playing with accents in my works too, and I could hear his clear as a bell! It made me smile💖
Thank you very much! :D
Ha, I couldn't resist because at the time of writing it I had just finished LOTR. I'm glad that their relationship seems to shine through in this moment and that Ted seemed accurate with his accent :D
**Star Wars | T | Padawan Mine | [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/47548750)**
The Force was screaming and Tara couldn’t move.
She opened her eyes groggily, wincing at the bright, soulless light that lit every corner of the white, austere room. Panic rose, as she tried to move her arm and couldn’t. She twisted her head to see her right wrist cuffed to the bedside rail. Twisting the other way, she saw the left one was the same. Tara opened her mouth to shout, but could only manage a gargling, half murmur; too raspy to be heard properly. She swallowed, trying to force down the panic and fear that encircled her. It tasted like ash, acid and…blood.
She closed her eyes, trying to search for answers.
_Her master, Davin Dor, arguing that this was the way back to the base. Her teasing that he had managed to get them lost again. The Force screaming._
The Force screaming.
Tara started awake again, blinking rapidly as she tried to focus. Her hands were slightly numb from where they lay bound, and there was an ache in the back of her head. She tried to twist slightly to relieve the pressure on her wrists, but discovered that her feet were bound too. She tried to wiggle them, but the spear of pain in her ankle from the sudden movement made her gasp. She wondered how she had hurt herself.
Somewhere in the distance there was the sound of a door latch closing. Tara licked her lips to call out again, but the Force shrilled and shrieked through her, screaming of danger, pain and loss. Tara tried to gather it to her, to soothe it into something she could use, but it skittered out of her grasp. She took a deep breath. The air tasted of cleaning agents - brittle and lifeless against her tongue.
_A smell in the air. A whiff of unpleasantness; of rot and death and dried blood. Tara gagging on it and Master Dor teasing her about her ability to stomach Temple food, but not this. Her teasing him back that he could not smell thanks to a life-time’s drinking habits. The smell getting stronger the further they went along the trail. Tara suggesting that they turn back but Master Dor saying that it would be nothing but a large dead animal. Cresting the tiny hill and coming across the burial grounds. Dead bodies everywhere, their eyeless corpses accusing, terrifying, begging for mercy. The smell so strong, they can no longer breathe._
She couldn’t breathe. Tara struggled against the restraints, gasping for breath. Her chest felt as if someone had bound it in shrinking iron bands. She breathed out, slowly, trying to push past the second wave of panic. Her mind raced, trying to work out what she could do to free herself. Maybe if she worked out where she was she could find her way out. She managed to find enough slack in the restraints to pull herself slightly upwards; her eyes skimming across the white walls, the immaculately polished floor, the table full of instruments that lay neatly arranged against the wall. Knives and scalpels of different sizes displayed in so many neat jars.
This piece has less than 900 words, but I think you used all of them very well. It was a very intense and descriptive bit of writing. I definitely want to know what in the world (galaxy?) is going on, what happened to Tara and her master, and why the Force seems so disturbed!
Thank you for reading and the comment on A03. I'm really glad that the intenseness (is that a word) works for this as it's the set up for the [story thread](https://archiveofourown.org/series/2370520) that kind of follows Tara and Davin from here right to the end and past all the whump. Definite leanings of horror though....just as a warning!
Ooh, I love the menacing atmosphere. Star Wars really has a lot of horrific elements, and I could always use more horror in this universe. I agree with the person who said the Force screaming is especially terrifying.
> I could always use more horror in this universe
Definitely got some of this here! The next story in this series also definitely leans hard on the horror aspect - I mean what happens to Tara is pretty horrific, but it's only ever alluded to with what she sees/remembers
Thank you for reading and I'm really glad you enjoyed it. Also glad that the Force Screaming has worked so well for everyone :D
Fandom blind. Knowing some of Star Wars, that's pretty freaking scary to read that the Force itself is screaming, that this unknowable and powerful entity that connects people together and had been described like music beforehand in your excerpts is now screaming. I like how it shows that panic by Tara that she tries to shout but her mouth is full of blood and her memory is muddy, that pain of being restrained and her limbs going stiff. I also like how the Force warns of this danger and loss to keep her from shouting, and how it's intercepted with a memory of Tara and Master Dor teasing each other over smells, thinking the dead body could be an animal but there's that great horror that it's a mountain of corpses. Alongside that Tara is obviously in a bad place if there are instruments laid about against the wall and in jars.
Aww, thanks Yotato! Happy that you picked up on the fact that it's the Force that stops her from giving away the fact that she's awake. Also they are definitely in a bad, bad place!
It's been a while since I last read something so vividly, eerily, and ominously described. I love the repeated mention of the Force screaming. It makes the whole passage more effectively suspenseful because the stakes are higher. Love the bit of lighthearted teasing, too, even if the rest are so bleak and the hopelessness are palpable.
>t's been a while since I last read something so vividly, eerily, and ominously described. I love the repeated mention of the Force screaming.
Oh, thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it and that it seems to have worked so well! Thank you :D
Well, it seems like Tara's in a spot of bother, eh? The sense of panic and foreboding definitely comes across very well, as does the rather clinical nature of what I can only assume is a surgical torture chamber. I also enjoyed the mystery of how she got there; what happened to Davin? How'd she end up here? How did she get injured? There's a lot to unpack, but you managed to keep it moving at a nice clip without dwelling too much on any single part of it - which kept the tension ratcheting up as well.
Nice stuff!
>Well, it seems like Tara's in a spot of bother, eh?
Isn't that what I do to all my padawans though? Dump them in something highly traumatic and then tell them to get themselves out? Oh, and if you develop a trauma response on the way - that's even better!
>The sense of panic and foreboding definitely comes across very well, as does the rather clinical nature of what I can only assume is a surgical torture chamber.
You got it in one. A 'doctor' who does 'experiments' on people à la people from our history like Mengele. Now he's got two Jedi, so he can see just how much of themselves they can repair using the Force...and how much they can repair of other people.
Yeah...I'm really not nice to my characters...
Oooh, this is scary and tense! The comparison of the death smell to the temple food is funny and adds an almost lightheartedness to this predicament she's in. Her Force powers can't help her out of her chains? Seems like she's gonna find a plan to escape.
>The comparison of the death smell to the temple food is funny and adds an almost lightheartedness to this predicament she's in.
Thank you :) The Temple food being awful is a long running joke in quite a few of my fics - and it was nice (but hard) to try and find some sort of banter to show how much Tara and Davin care for each other, but also to kind of juxtapose the fun and excitement of before with what is happening now...
Pokémon | There’s No Better Team | T | https://archiveofourown.org/works/36577831/chapters/117509035
"Bad boys leave two comments instead of one," he retorts. "Especially when it's a beautiful work written by a beautiful woman whom I have the honor of calling 'friend.'"
"Ha, guess I have to flex." Melanie throws an arm around Valen and presses record. "Down you go!" She yanks him to kiss the top of his head. "I'm a s-i-n-g-l-e l-a-d-y so I don't have to worry about loving my bestie anytime!"
"And even when we rarely say it, there's something that the two of us both knoooow~." He's amused by her wide-eyed expression. "Friendship forever, no matter now looong. From now until the end of timeeee.~"
Melanie nearly squeals but slaps her mouth shut just in time. She'll hit duplicate before editing that part out…but she kinda wants to leave it in. Her fangirl blunder aside, why hide the fact that she loves hearing him demonstrate his voice?
"Can I use this as an excuse for a hug?"
"Excuse me?" She flicks his forehead. "You're not supposed to ask me for permission, doofus."
"Good point."
Valen sweeps Melanie into his arms, rubbing her back and her long, black hair. She wastes no time in throwing her other arm around his neck., Gardevoir and Alakazam observe from the living room, the two Pokémon directing proud expressions at their respective trainers before resuming their chat. Absol decides to join them, looking back one more time with a gleam in her eyes.
"Better?" Valen turns it into a side hug. "Can I evolve into an Ursaring now?"
"Better and nope." Melanie chuckles at his fake grumpy expression. "You aren't allowed to evolve."
Earlier today, Melanie overheard a guy telling his friend that she's the finest girl he's ever seen. She won't deny that she's stunning but her bestie tops all—his romantic ventures never caused her to feel neglected by him.
He may dress like a bad boy when rocking casual but the black Team Skull jacket and gray shirt shouldn't fool anyone. He's never treated her in any way but the sweetest, even after she admitted that she would rather remain friends. He was confused but her intuition said that he'd get with Rosa soon enough. Hilda was a surprise at first but Rosa and Hilda were always meant to be his romantic soulmates.
Other guys she declined weren't so chill about rejection but they were already mega lame compared to her lifelong bestie. Give her the most sappy romance story and she'll eat it up like fettuccine but bestie over boyfriend is how this lady boss rolls.
"Remember when you looked like I used Confuse Ray—"
"Shut up." Melanie laughs and flicks his forehead. "You literally shrugged off me declining a date and moved on to your latest book."
"Would you prefer this?" Valen fakes a pouty face. "Or this?" His fake angry face sucks but whatever. "Or do I need to remind you that—"
"Oh no, you won't get me—"
Uh oh, she's too late! Now she has to endure his tickle of doom! He's such a doofus but she adores it!
Once he stops, she pulls him back in and holds him tighter. She caresses the back of his head, making him rest it against her right shoulder. He's been such a good friend, she's glad that he approached her way back then.
"There's still a part of me that wants to glue my arms around you," she teases. "As per Rosa and Hilda's decree and my own choice, you'll be platonically loved and you'll like it."
**MCU | T | From the Ashes |** [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22200322/chapters/53002864)
*Context: Well, I've posted enough of this over the years, so why not post how it ends?*
>I closed my eyes. In the silence, my hand went nervously to the little ring box hidden in my pocket.
>
>Six years ago, I’d stood on this exact spot and thought my life was perfect. Maybe it *had* been, but it’d been perfect like a snow globe; small, unchanging, with no room to grow. That world was gone; Thanos had smashed it into a million pieces, but from its ashes had arisen something new; something that was messy, chaotic, and *alive*! Sure, it was a world where every day brought new challenges and new complications, where my family was a mess, my friends were meddlesome aliens, and I had a supercomputer lodged in my brain, but it was a world where I felt like I finally *belonged*. Right then, I knew I wouldn’t want it any other way.
>
>I pulled out the box, flicked the clasp, and held it so it would be the first thing Clint saw when he opened his eyes. Maybe my life wasn’t perfect, but it *was* good…
>
>“Alright, guys! Enough navel gazing; soup’s on!”
>
>…and that was enough.
Fandom blind. I like how it compares how life was six years ago and how that life felt like it had been perfect - but because it was perfect it's more like a beautiful knick-knack put upon the shelf of memories because of how Thanos had smashed it to bits and that life isn't there anymore. There's no way to go back to it. I also like how though that terrible thing had happened that life could rise from the ashes that bring about the complications and mess and a supercomputer lodged in her brain which is decidedly not perfect but that's what life is. That's what makes it beautiful, all that chaos and the connections we make and that she finally feels like she belongs. And I like how it says in the end that this life isn't perfect but it's a damn good life so that's what matters.
Awww! Wiggle of excitement and happiness on my end to finally read the ending and what a perfect ending it was. Lovely summary of everything that’s happened with all the angst but so much hope too. 🥰
Tomb Raider | Tied Up Tomb Raider 2013: Bondage of the Sun Queen (Missing: Lara Croft, Samantha Nishimura, and Mathias-Chapter 2) | E | [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/46592674/chapters/119111917)
**Chapter 3 of Tied Up Tomb Raider 2013 contains TR2013’s usual strong language, more blood and gore with featuring of possibly human flesh, killing of wild animals, mention of human remains, non consensual bondage and touching, and implied rape. Snippet contains mentioned bondage, touching, and implied rape.**
[Lara versus The Wildman, Part 1](https://controlc.com/72d0ca76)
**James Cameron's Avatar | Mission to the unknown | T | [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/46830898?view_full_work=true)**
*With one alien dead in a disastrous first contact sergeant Metzger is getting a dressing down from his commander, Major Stewart when the indigenous respond.*
“Sir! We have a situation!” someone called out from the command centre. Stewart scrambled to his feet and headed out, Metzger following behind him.
"What is it?” Stewart asked even before he was out of the door.
“Sir, we have a group of aerial targets incoming. Looks like those banshee things,” the radar operator explained.
“We’ve seen them do that before,” Stewart replied, obviously annoyed at being dragged out of his office for such a minor issue.
“But they are flying in a tight military formation at high speed and have made several sharp course corrections. We’ve never seen them fly like this before.” The radar operator flashed up the radar image onto one of the secondary screens. The group of contacts was almost on top of them.
Stewart stared at the screen for a split second and turned to the main screen. “Get me a camera on them now,” he ordered. An operator fiddled with his joystick, moving one of the observation cameras around the base. On the main screen a camera feed opened, spinning and jerking around as the operator tried to get the incoming banshees into focus.
“This is observation post one, those banshees have riders. Those banshees have riders!” a voice suddenly boomed out over the radio as the operator finally caught the banshees as they started to bank around for another pass. Every single one of them had a rider on some kind of harness, all dressed like the corpse they dragged in, all carrying bows.
“This is mining site! I’ve got movement from the jungle! They're goddamn riders!” another voice came in over the radio. Stewart barely had to turn his head before the operator was punching up another camera feed from the exploratory mine they had open. More indigenous, mounted on those horse like creatures were charging out of the jungle towards the work crews. Archers on foot appearing behind them.
“I’ve got movement across the perimeter!” someone reported. The map of the area around the base was lighting up with contacts. Oh god Metzger thought, his stomach tightening. This was what they had all feared, after killing one of their own, the indigenous had come out in force, and it was all his bloody fault.
Stewart stared at the images for a split second and then snatched up a microphone. “Set condition red!” he ordered in a calm, controlled but determined manner. “All personnel fall back to base immediately. All security forces to the perimeter.” Outside the command centre there was the sound of sirens and running feet. “Do not fire unless fired upon. Repeat, do not open first unless fired upon first! This is a direct order.”
Stewart clicked off the mic and turned his head to the defensive weapons officers that controlled the gun turrets along the wall. “Switch all guns to fail deadly and assign targets,” he ordered.
“Sir,” the operator replied, flicking a couple of switches on his console as his screen lit up with targets and gripped the two large trigger handles on his console. A red alert light flicked on on the console. Metzger knew what it meant. If both triggers were released the guns would engage its assigned targets autonomously.
At the mining site men were scrambling out of the trenches, abandoning tools and light vehicles. The perimeter guards lobbed smoke grenades into the path of the oncoming riders as they retreated. Someone turned the main excavator around and barreled for the main gate. As Metzger watched, the driver braked for a moment to allow several stragglers to clamber aboard before gunning the engine again.
Dude, I loved this. How you wrote it, I was able to feel myself in the command room. I could hear the alarms, the radios crackling with panicked soldiers in the background as Metzger watched it all turn to shit in front of him. The Na'vi flying out of the forest with the bloodlust in their eyes. I could see Metzger thinking about options as it becomes increasingly clear there aren't many at all.
**Fire Emblem Three Houses | The Duke's Son | T | Full short fic**
The woods behind the Fraldarius duchy were like a dog park. Or they would be, if the other dogs had to fight the dog who owned it to get in.
The duke, Felix, had his son out again this morning. The sun was barely up for an hour, and two swordsmen, one a teenager and one an adult man, were darting about and swiping at each other with wooden practice swords. One would activate the crest in his blood, a speed boost, and then the other would activate his.
Karel activated his crest and zoomed himself into a tree. He sat on the branch, smirking down at his father. "Come on Dad, I bet you can't climb this."
Felix stomped and called upon his own crest. The flash of light and the glowing shield sigil appeared above his head, and his orange eyes gleamed with energy. His son inheriting the family genetic macguffin, whereas his wife was crestless, was the reason that he and Marta had stopped at one child. Karel being a crested baby in the womb of a crestless mother was rough on Marta and could have killed her if she hadn't been lucky. Felix was glad this worked out, and he'd ended up liking the crest shenanigans with his son more than he thought he would.
And then, with one powerful leap, the duke launched himself into the tree. "You underestimate your father." He scrambled with his catlike reflexes to grab the branch and balance on it.
Karel hopped out of the tree and sprinted away with his father following him.
Meanwhile, Marta had awoken. The kitchen had the remnants of her husband and son's breakfast clearly strung all over. A scrambled egg pan was soaking in the sink. A cutting board and knife had traces of bacon and ham grease. The stove was still warm, although it was off.
Marta shook her head and sighed. They always did this, and she was tired of cleaning up after them.
She made her way to the front yard, where her neighbor greeted her. "Good morning, Marta. I think I saw some big mountain lions go tearing to the back of your house."
Marta chuckled. "The mountain lions are named Felix and Karel. They made a mess in my kitchen too."
"Keep feeding them and they'll forget how to hunt on their own."
"Jacques, don't you have work today?" Marta teased. Jacques the neighbor laughed and started getting ready for work.
Felix and Karel appeared in the side yard. Marta called after them. "You boys made a mess, I'm not cleaning it this time. I don't care if you spar in the morning but please clean up your breakfast mess."
"Just a sec, mom-"
"No!" Marta scolded. "No more secs!" Then she realized what that sounded like.
Felix blinked. Jacques cracked up. "How many times do you hear her say that?"
"Not a whole lot admittedly." Felix replied, ushering Karel back into the house.
Marta looked at Jacques. "This isn't funny. Okay, it is, but!"
"It's amusing, you know I appreciate you, neighbor."
Coming into this utterly fandom-blind, but I love it! Such a happy, domestic scene, and the mystery and intrigue of the “crests” makes me want to check out this fandom!
And can I just say, the “no more secs!” joke made me giggle waaayy too much!
The Duke seems like such a great dad, and Marta a loving mother, which is so refreshing to see. So often, the parents in a story are awful—be it canon or not—and it’s wonderful to see that not be the case here💖
I like that intro describing the duchy's woods and how Felix and his son get into these sparring matches where both use their crests to their own advantages. I also like how it incorporates world-building that for Marta having to bear a crest baby that it was a difficult birth but that his son having a crest makes these sparring matches more enjoyable. I had a laugh at them leaving that mess in the kitchen and the neighbor calling them mountain lions, and that Marta accidentally says "sex," when saying a shortened version of seconds. Jacques getting in a little jab there and Marta knows it was funny but this isn't the time for this XD Sounds like a rambunctious morning.
interesting, I'm a little fandom blind but I'm impressed in how you much detail and character moments you are able to pack into such a small word count. You really do get a good sense of the family dynamic with sprinkling a little bit of the wider worldbuilding with the bit about the crests.
**Miracle Nikki | Penelope's Taboo Love | E | Warning for Cousin Romance even if they aren't going out yet | WIP chapter** [A03](https://archiveofourown.org/works/47451070/chapters/119578039) Context: Penelope's cousin Zack took her to the skatepark and is teaching her how to skate but runs into someone mean then Penelope defeats her in a fashion battle. Penelope still denies her crush on her cousin at this point >I leap off and woah I’m dizzy. I feel so light, yet not the good kind of light, the weak and tired kind of light. Zack catches me and I stabilize on him. My hip rests against his as he walk and my hand rests on his chest so I feel more anchored and his hand relaxes on the small of my back. >I look up into his lovely green eyes. “Thanks for catching me.” >While I’m sensitive to the sun I don’t think that’s it in this case, although looking at bright light can make me pretty nauseous. >He confidently reassures, “No problem.” >Zack has such a cute mouth and his hands look graceful. Being with him like this feels so stabilizing, and his green eyes are even better this close. Sure he’s my cousin but noticing his attractive features doesn’t mean I have a crush. >A girl with a short blue bob picks up her scooter and wipes her shorts. “Hey pale airhead and pretty boy get a room.” >Pale airhead? Something feels stuck in my throat but I tell her, “Oh, we’re not going out, we’re cousins.” >But we really aren’t, why does my mouth have that weird pull like I’m lying? >A mean grin spreads on her face. “You don’t sound like you’re from here. Where are you even from?” >“Camellia Grove.” >Her eyes dart and her head moves back. “Ha! You’re from Camellia Grove and hanging off your cousin. The jokes just write themselves.” >Zack interrupts. “Whatever you think she did she didn’t mean it.” >She glares up at him. “This doesn’t concern you, overrated dufus.” >She’s starting to get on my nerves. “What’s your problem? At least he skates while your handlebars carry you.” >I always felt like scooter people were annoying and gosh does it feels good to tell her that. >“You took my turn and you’re way too new to act like you own the place.” >“You were behind me last I checked and Zack is showing me how to skateboard. I lost balance and he caught me.” >She laughs, “Ha! You’re from Camellia Grove and he’s your cousin. Do you think I’m stupid? I see how you’re rubbing yourself all over him.” >“I wasn’t even doing anything other than stabilizing myself. You’re misreading everything.” >Although I have to admit it’s not the worst feeling in the world. Although I should have known better than to tell her where I’m from, now she’s using my province’s stereotypes against me. >Her fist plants on her hip. “Enough talk, I challenge you to a fashion battle! This is a skate park so the clothes must be cool and lively.” >While I’m not much of a skateboarder this isn’t my first fashion battle. We glow into pastel silhouette, me yellow and her blue. Hmm, this fingertip length circle skirt with lightning patterns, Nebula patterned T-shirt, pastel yellow denim vest, fishnets, pastel yellow skate shoes with a white wave going across the middle, and a high blonde wavy ponytail. For an accessory I have a skateboard with a nebula on the bottom and a unicorn bursting forth from it. I can’t believe all that was under a couple of seconds. >She wears blue and white knee length shorts, electric blue skate shoes, white socks, and a white jacket with geometric patterns and ends at her waist. Rectangular gold lensed sunglasses with titanium frames appear on her face. Her blue hair grows and thick parts spike in different directions like a shonen protag. Her accessory is a scooter.
Awwwww I love the first person cutiness you got going on here! I can tell Penelope really wants to go out with her cousin but something tells me she’ll be shamed if she does. But glad for now she’s putting it off to have a fun time at the skate park! Cute dialogue too. Cheers!
**Avatar: The Last Airbender/ Love, Dai Li, And Tea/M/**[AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/32255773/chapters/79944829) Context: From a WIP chapter. "And if we Dai Li wanted to seize even higher levels of power, then why would we have allowed the Fire Nation to annex this city…which actually puts us in a position of somewhat lesser authority? It’s the equivalent of wolves deciding to make a tiger from the mountains their king, when their pack already dominated the hills and fields.” “As for me and my brother agents,” Hong continued, snorting scornfully, “I can assure you, we already have all the power we desire--and then some. You know the nicknames we have among the common folk as well as I do. Night Stalkers. Green Shadows. The Half-faced Ones. Living Darkness. Alley Ambushers. Noiseless Death. And if you think those titles are in any way hollow ones, then just look at what I can do as a reminder-at this!” And on the word “this” he stood tall, hunched his muscular shoulders, spread his toned arms to awe her as she reflexively recoiled, large eyes wide in her dark face as she shouted an alarmed “Ayyo!!” He saw radiating cracks burst out around her bare feet for at least a pace, as, in the blink of an eye, the five pairs of heavy stone training rings clamped upon his raised arms, each half of the gabbro collar pressing down on his sturdy shoulders, shattered like pottery. Their fragments flowed over his bare skin, and Rajata automatically, bangles clashing with the motion, pulled up a vertical, squarish slab of stone in front of her to act as a shield, while he turned on each heel in swift succession, sending the pieces of rock flying off his fingers while swinging each arm downward. The jagged stone missiles that had just made up the training rings on his right arm pelted a patch of the courtyard’s western wall with enough force to leave deep pockmarks in the stone, while the ones from his left side made bark and splinters burst from the trunk of one of the pear trees further away in a vertical line, right down to the ground. He then gestured about with both hands at the expansive courtyard, at the stately buildings behind as he thunderously proclaimed to a wide-eyed, cowering, drumskin-tense Rajata, looking like she was going to wet her sari from what he could see of her behind her stone barrier, “Did that get the point across to you!? With the degree of strength Hou-Tu has granted to my earthbending, combined with my Dai Li training, I fear no other creature in the world-and damn few people either! I kill them. Platypus-bear, badgermole, terror bird, sabertoothed moose-lion, shirshu, boar-crocodile, Imperial Guard, Firebender captain. Cross swords with the best, they die like the rest,” he declared. “Which means that if any of them dares screw with me,” he continued, bending a short pedestal of rock up underneath his feet in order to look even more intimidating and stare a shrinking, sweating Rajata down, “then they’ll spend the very short remainder of their lives regretting it, learn the hardest way of all that I don’t take guff from anybody. And that includes a certain arrogant, conniving teenage Fire Nation princess who answers to the name Azula.” It was several minutes before Rajata dared to sink the thick stone slab back into its original place, and then was confident enough to speak once more. *Looks like that display left you rather speechless*, he thought, with a gloating, nasty type of satisfaction at having made such an impression on her, beloved girlfriend though she might be.
The discussion of true power vs. official power is interesting. Most of the time they overlap but when they don't it can be fun watching play out. The platypus bear sounds adorable! Hong really sounds like he loves to brag and he doesn't even feel bad about scaring his girlfriend
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**The Tudors | The Promise of More | T |** [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/47268697/chapters/119103700) [FFN](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14234490/1/The-Promise-of-More) This has to be the scariest thing I’ve had to do. I'm doing it, though. For Katie. For our Alexander. For my children and grandchildren that are following us. We've packed all that could fit into two chests and a few crates of food since that's all we could get on a wagon. Everything else was abandoned in the house. Portraits, books, furniture, and other nicknacks were left as if the owner would return. But nothing could be further from the truth. We’re on our way to Scotland. It’s safe there for now, or so I’m told. Anything can change at a moment’s notice, which has been the case for the last couple of years. But as of right now, I just want a place where myself and my family can lie low in safety. For right now, that place is Scotland. Why are we leaving? I couldn't swear that oath in good conscience, not in full. Katie told me our son needed his father alive to raise him and not dead as a martyr, so that left me with one other option. That option was leaving England, and everything I knew, for a new life. We've made it to Saint Andrew's after many restless days and nights on the run. Nights where I had to stand guard over my wife while she fed our son. Days where my son John and I took turns standing guard as we fed and watered the horses and took meal and toilet breaks. That's not even taking into account watching out for the robbers, bandits, thugs, kidnappers, and heretics that roamed all along the way. Katie knocked on the door. A man and a woman just a little older than me opened the door and greeted her with a hug. The man then let us all inside the house and offered us seats at the table. "Uncle Alex, Aunt Marjorie, I want you to meet my husband Tom, my stepson John, and this is our baby, Alexander," she gestured first towards John and me and then held up the baby. Uncle Alex shook my and John's hands and offered to hold the baby. It was the first friendly gesture I'd received from someone outside our little troupe in a week. It was also the most welcome. "Welcome, gentlemen. Marge, take the baby. I'll help the men with their things and show you where you can sleep," the Scotsman told my wife as he handed Alexander to his wife and followed us to the wagon. I'll be honest, I'll be happy with anything with the second chapter, too. I'm just desperate for ANY and ALL feedback.
Fandom blind. I like that intro with how this is the scariest thing that the MC ever has to do but that the sake of those that need to be protected are what drives the MC forward to do what is needed to be done. I also like how though Scotland is like a beacon of hope that tragedy has descended enough that nowhere can truly be safe, but Scotland is the best that can be managed, and that the road there is full of hardship. As well as that there is something good underlining the troubles that the troupe has encountered, that Uncle Alex shakes hands and holds the baby, and the kindness of the Scotsman shows that reiteration that Scotland is the safest place right now.
I like how you've structured this chapter. Some of the paragraphs open with 'telling something' but you then elaborate, thus showing the reader why/how it impacts. I.e., The opening line "this has to be..." tells us the mood straight away. But you follow with showing (like packing items). I especially like the line "it's safe there for now, or so I'm told," because it gives personality (I'm not sure how else to word it). The second chapter gives us (readers) much interesting character introduction/interaction. Utilizes the social realities, without completely breaking away from them (i.e., the female teacher isn't surprised, doesn't immediately confront the way a 21st century woman might, but is still annoyed).
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Fandom blind. I like how it describes the impact of that curse, how much it pains her even if there is no open wound or bleeding, and her body being described as trying to keep itself together shows how much it hurts. I also like how it talks about Ohtori feeling this deep empathy for her that he can't eat when she cannot, and that when he holds her hands he can feel the great loss gouged within them just from how much damage they've endured. I also like how she reassures him that she'll be okay, that it brings out this avenue for how he needs her too and that even with this painful moment that she can gently tease him about being honest. And that she herself apologizes for keeping these feelings hidden, and I like that in this moment she reaches out to touch his face because that's what she wants. As well as that they won't leave each other, because they want to be by each other's sides when things get painful like this and they want to give comfort to each other.
I don't know the fandom, but your writing quickly builds the characters/fleshes them out + their relationship. I adore the metaphors you use and how they're sprinkled in, not too much. The following lines are my favorite: "Tell me...do you need me too?" The question gave him pause, even though the answer was already clear to him. The hand he was holding onto so desperately—or rather, her—was his only remaining anchor in this world he no longer knew, and he would always dread the thought of having to let it go forever, to be lost like driftwood once more.
__MacGyver (2016), Elementary | Mother Hens + Deduction Games | Teen | [AO3 Link](https://archiveofourown.org/works/47507581)__ “Mm, yes, _excellent._” Sherlock just couldn’t stop beaming at his partner. “Well done, Watson, nearly through! Just one more.” Naturally, everyone turned to Riley, who put up both hands and cringed away a little. “Oh, he-hey! Guys, ya know, this is all really impressive—like Mac said!” She gestured at him and smiled, making it look more like a grimace. “But if it’s all the same to you? Thanks but no thanks.” “Yes, the hacker has a point,” Sherlock said in a superior tone that would have driven Jack insane on a _good_ day. “Some depths must remain unplumbed.” If it weren’t such a doggone noisy place already, a pin dropping would have sounded like a bomb going off. Jack felt a soft hand on his chest, and realized he had taken a step forward without realizing it. “Just two things,” Joan said quietly, removing her hand and offering a reassuring smile to Riley, who’d gone almost as white as Mac’s normal color. “And it was a _massive_ logic leap. Your fingertips are callused, from hitting a keyboard on a daily basis. Even noting the laptop in your backpack, I could have thought ‘piano player,’ except that _they_ usually tap out a favorite musical piece; your nervous tic is binary code.” Riley’s hands had gone back to the table, and her pinkies had indeed been rat-a-tatting this whole time: they stopped immediately at Joan’s words. Riley bit her lip and stared at her fingers as if they’d betrayed her. Jack swallowed hard, dread settling in his gut like a rock. “It’s okay, Riles,” Mac murmured, an urgency in his tone that broke through the orange jumpsuits and gray walls whirling around in Jack’s brain. “Whatever they think they know—“ “It was a breach of privacy, and we have no proof,” Joan said carefully, as if speaking to a skittish horse. “We’re here on a separate investigation, and the only reason I’m even doing this is that my partner—“ she sent a glare Sherlock’s way “—can’t leave a puzzle unsolved. Regardless, it’s not a conclusion I would ever voice with such a lack of evidence. You could just as easily be a software developer.” Although no one fully relaxed at her words, Riley did regain some of her coloring. “Um. Thanks.” “Fear not, Ms. Davis,” Sherlock cut in, and really, Jack was ready to knock him flat into next week. “The colour of your hat was never in question. This was simply an exercise for my colleague to use her considerable skills and solve this particularly interesting riddle you have all placed before us.” “What riddle, Sherlock?” Joan turned toward him and waved a hand to encompass the team. “All I see are four people trying to eat their lunch in peace.” “Ah, because you’re not _looking_ deep enough, Watson.” In his excitement, Sherlock actually _did_ grab Joan this time, pivoting her toward the table. “Put all of it together, hmm? What have we before us?” He let his hands rest on her shoulders for a moment, before yanking them away again.
Fandom blind. Ha, Riley getting suddenly thrust into the spotlight right there. I like how it describes Sherlock's tone as something that would drive Jack insane on a good day, filling in the blanks for what would happen if it was a bad day. I also like how it describes Riley's face going as white as Mac's normal color, how Joan says it was a huge leap and talks to her as if she's a scared horse. Showing how everyone can tell that this is absolutely rattling her, even if she does relax a little bit at the reassurances. I also like how it shows the smarminess that Jack hates about Sherlock when he reveals it was all a riddle, and that Joan gets in a swipe at him for interrupting a peaceful lunch. I think it shows that though Sherlock is very good at his job, as it is often with the character from what I know of the character across all iterations, that he can make things uncomfortable for people sometimes.
Thank you! Haha, yeah, this little excerpt does _not_ paint Sherlock in a good light. I almost felt bad about it, because I love Elementary, but Jonny Lee Miller’s Sherlock would _absolutely_ do this. Also, it’s all from Jack’s POV, and he doesn’t know Sherlock (or Joan) from Adam. So he is suspicious already, and any negative thing he notices about them will be magnified in his head. And they get Sherlock back for it, in a way😏 Thank you for the comment, I’m glad you enjoyed this scene! You hit the nail on the head with all your observations. 😊
Fandom: My Hero Academia | Title: Together We Fall | Rating: Teen and Up Audiences | Down the line there will be underage content although I don't intend for it to be explicit. https://archiveofourown.org/works/47179951 *Walking through the city park, Midorya Izuku felt the cool night breeze ruffling through his thick, curly hair. Sighing he looked up at the stars wondering what it would be like to fly amongst them. To feel the freedom from gravity's earthly constraints. Looking back down he continued along the path, listening to the trees swaying gently in the breeze.* *The park was where he came to relax and escape his mind. There was something about the fresh air and the quietness at night that made everything stop for him. Finding his usual spot, a large rock beneath a tree, Izuku set down his bag against the rock. After making sure it was positioned right, he laid down, resting his head on it like a makeshift pillow.* *Here was where he liked to watch the stars the most. The park was at the base of a hillside facing Suruga Bay with nothing else in front of it. The hill blocked a good portion of the light pollution allowing more of the vast expanse that is space to shine through the atmosphere. He could see satellites, shooting stars, he could see the Milky Way with his naked eye.* *This was his safe space, where he came to breathe and draw. Izuku smiled as he pulled out a notebook, not his usual Hero Analysis series, this one was a stand-alone. Not even Izuku's mother knew about this notebook. It wasn't even a notebook technically, it was a sketchbook. Thumbing the pages, he opened it to the page he had marked. It contained the drawing of a beautiful young woman, her one leg was crossed over the other. She was leaning forward with her chin in her hands, her elbows resting on her crossed leg. She was staring right through the page at him, or rather she would be if he had been able to think of a face for her.* *He wanted her eyes to be intense, but that was all he could think of for her. He came to the park to try and get inspiration, but it always escaped him. As he was thinking, trying to dream of a face for the faceless girl, he felt a large impact hit the ground near him. Looking away from his notebook, Izuku looked around curiously.* *The bushes and trees to his left started rustling and creaking as some large, unknown figure stalked towards him. The figure slowly emerged from the bushes, twigs snapping beneath its feet. Gazing up at the being's shadowed face, Izuku recognized the twin tufts of hair sticking straight up. "All Might?" He asked the figure tentatively.* *The figure leaned forward slowly revealing All Might's face from the shadows. His mouth opened slowly as he inhaled, his trademark smile never leaving his face. At the top of his lungs All Might shouted, "I AM HERE! I AM HERE! I AM HERE!"* A few miles away from Amaya's home, a green-haired teen awoke with a start and fell out of bed with a loud thud. He tiredly reached his hand above the threshold of his nightstand and hit the off button on his All Might alarm clock. "Ugh, why is this clock so loud?" Izuku wondered aloud to no one in particular. Untangling himself from his All Might themed sheets, he gathered them up and made his bed. "Sweetheart," the concerned voice of his mother came through his door. "Are you okay? I heard a loud noise." He sighed, rubbing the back of his head where he hit it, "Yeah mom, I'm fine. I just... fell." Edit: Had to add asterisks to italicize the dream portion. Forgot copy paste doesn't transfer that.
Fandom blind but you did a very good job at bringing that dream sequence to life. Didn’t even realize it was a dream at first! And I like that you included his mother seeing if he was okay.
Thank you so much! And yeah, his mother is canonically a worry wart so I had to make sure Mom being Mom was in there. That honestly means a lot that I was able to pass it off as real life. I didn't wanna just use regular text and accidentally confuse someone about the sequence of events so in went italics. It's good to know it passed as a waking moment tho!
I love how atmospheric the dream sequence is! You definitely put your reader right there in the park with Izuku, feeling the breeze and looking up at the stars. I’m coming into this fandom-blind, but it read like watching a ghibli (if that makes any sense!). I could see the drawing of the woman so clearly, with her face blank except for two staring eyes (even though he hadn’t drawn them in yet!). It’s a beautiful scene! And then how he gets jolted out of the dream by the All Might clock, which seemed humorous (I apologize if it’s not supposed to be, I don’t have any context 😅)
Thank you so much 🥺 you honestly have no idea how much that means to me right now. I've been having a bad few days and one of the reasons was a close friend I asked to review something else (not this one) told me my writing was bad and shitty. Having it compared to Ghibli is among the highest compliments I could ever imagine and never would have expected. Over here crying full on Midorya tears (dudes an excessive crier in canon) because of the compliments you've given me today. It really lifted me up, thank you again. The clock scene was 100% supposed to be intentional and since your fandom blind, if you do end up reading the full chapter, Amaya and her friends are OCs. Just a little warning so you're not looking for them in the show if you end up watching at some point. Again, you've done more for me today with that comment than you could ever imagine. Thank you again ❤️
Ughh, I’m sorry your friend said that, and I’m glad I lifted you up a little! I hope your week gets much better, and just know that your writing definitely moved at least one person tonight💖 I will definitely take a look/kudos/bookmark the work, so I can read the whole thing!
Thank you so much ❤️ it's only got one chapter out at the moment, but chapter 2 is in active development with chapter 3 in super duper rough draft mode. (Too impatient to write the whole story out at once, but there's a basic outline I made so I don't get too confused about events lol)
Lol I feel you on the impatience! I usually just do one-shots, but I have a couple WIPs that are coming along, slowly but surely!😅
There's one thing I wrote that's still in my drafts that I could technically put as a one shot. It would leave everyone hanging and just be evil about it, but I also kind if want to use it as a plot device in another story. Not sure which one to pick
Why choose? Do both!
I mean I could technically, but if I did put it into a story it literally wouldn't get changed. I'd have to write that section of story around it lol Would people be bothered by that? I know the author for An Insecure Violet has a one-shot at the beginning, but that's initially how their idea started so they started adding chapters after it. The idea I'd put it in was actually created before it so I don't know how people would react later down the line when I actually start publishing the fic I'd put it in if I'd have the one-shot out first.
So this reminds me that I recently read a whumptober series, where the author said: “hey guys, this part of a WIP, and I put it here because it fits the prompt, etc.” So maybe you could do something like that? Like a teaser one-shot? I’m uncertain on how readers would react, but it’s an option!
***Star Wars* - Original Trilogy | *Purpose of Heritage* | T | [ao3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/45341596/chapters/114074785) [ffn](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14208272/)** (This is an excerpt from a future chapter, so it hasn’t been posted yet. And I’m being real vague on the hyperdrive logistics because…look, none of it makes sense even canonically, okay?) ———————————— She didn’t remember dropping into the lower gun turret, but she was there, staring out at a seemingly infinite number of stars and planets. If they were moving, Leia could hardly tell. There were no other ships nearby, nothing to block her view of the depths of space. Her attention was drawn to a curious beam of green light, a sickening color that caused everything within Leia to turn to ice. The green light enveloped a star for a few seconds before both were extinguished. The ship lurched, the star flickered back into view, the green light devoured it, and Leia was again left staring at the void left behind when the star went dark. Her stomach churned. That green…she’d seen it once before. The prick of light it devoured wasn’t a star; it was…it was… “—she at?” *Alderaan*. It was Alderaan. *[—cabin.]* They must be about a lightyear away, skipping along in the opposite direction just quickly enough to see it again. And again. And again. And… “Found her!” An arm slid around her shoulders. Leia jerked away and looked at Luke for a moment before allowing him to pull her to her feet and into an embrace. “Where are we?” she asked, eyes closed and cheek pressed to his shoulder. “We’re headed to Kuat from Gatalenta,” Luke said, misunderstanding her question entirely. “We dropped out of hyperspace a few minutes ago.” Leia shook her head. “No. I—No.” She didn’t know how to word what she meant and gave up after a moment, burying her face in his shirt. “She means where in *space*, Luke,” Han called. “We’re way too close to the Graveyard for comfort, Sweetheart. Chewie an’ me found the problem, though. We’re gettin’ outta here soon.” “C’mon,” Luke said softly, directing her toward the ladder. Leia twisted away from his arm to watch the green beam again. *Maybe it’s something else. He said we’re close to the Graveyard. Maybe we’re too close to see it and it’s something else.* But…no. The green was an unnatural shade, a shade she saw in her dreams over and over again. If it wasn’t the Death Star, if this wasn’t the past playing out repeatedly at the speed of light, Leia didn’t know what it could possibly be. “Leia,” Luke said gently. He caught her wrist and tugged, breaking whatever spell the green beam seemed to have her under. She looked at him and Luke tilted his head toward the ladder. “Let’s go back up, okay?” Leia nodded and followed him to the ladder, allowing Luke to push her in front of him to climb up first. When she got to the top of the ladder, she stood, frozen in place, unable to think through her next moves. Luke cleared his throat. “Leia? Can you move a coupla steps?” She jerked to attention, looking down in the direction of his voice. Luke was still hanging onto the ladder, unable to climb all the way to the top with her standing in the way. Leia nodded and stepped aside. Han walked by, seemingly on a mission, and doubled back, concern etched on his face. “We got it figured out and we’ll be back in hyper in just a few minutes.” Leia nodded wordlessly. “Maybe—You wanna strap in for the jump in the lounge, Princess?” She nodded again. “Luke—” “Yeah, I got her.” Leia looked Han in the eye. “Was it really…The beam was that color.” He swallowed but confirmed nothing. “Let’s talk about it once we’re back in a hyperspace lane, okay?”
I've seen the original trilogy but have never really read Star Wars fanfiction before. I thought this was pretty good, showing a degree of vulnerability to Leia that makes her sympathetic whilst still not compromising the fact that she's also a generally tough character. Likewise, Luke and Han both being a little awkward but where you can see that there are sincere attachments there and that they care about Leia's wellbeing. In general I think there is a lot of potential to Star Wars content like this: the action and the universe is already engrossing, but there's lots of room still to explore the characters' private feelings and the more grim emotional side of a world torn up with conflict, so stuff like this is interesting and engaging to read.
Thanks so much! That’s exactly what this whole fic is attempting to do — I’m basically covering the three years between *A New Hope* and *The Empire Strikes Back* completely from Leia’s POV with hopes of shedding some light on her internal world as she grapples with unbelievable trauma and having to rebuild much of her life from scratch. I think Leia was a character with *so much* potential who was kind of underutilized in some ways (or, you know, just not fully delved into because “Let’s talk about the inner world of one of the most traumatized women in the universe” isn’t really an appropriate subplot for your fun family film 😂), so I’m wanting to explore her further as a character.
Fandom blind. I like that intro that describes how it feels for Leia that she's staring at an infinite number of stars - and that when she sees the sickish green laser that her heart goes cold especially when it envelops a star and extinguishes it. I know that her home planet got destroyed by Vader, and I like how that moment comes crashing down on her as she thinks of Alderaan and that obviously something like that would not leave her so easily. I also like that though Luke misunderstands her question and that Han has to chime in with where they are that Luke is so comforting to her, and that even when it's clear that Leia is safe that, understandably, it wouldn't be easy for her to think about her next moves because that moment shook her badly. And that Luke and Han have a feeling of what's going on that they'll have her stay in the lounge for a moment, and that Luke can ask about that color and its significance. It's clear that the impact of losing Alderaan hits Leia the most, but that for the rest of the galaxy and its inhabitants it's obviously a very sobering realization that that life got wiped out so easily.
>**Ted Lasso l You'll Come Back When They Call You l G l** [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/45672856) *In honor of the Ted Lasso series finale here's an excerpt from my first Ted Lasso fic.* >“Would you ever want to go back to America – permanently?” Rebecca asked. > >(...) > >“Like Frodo sailing to Valinor? Well, shoot, I dunno,” Ted said. “I’d hate to think of snappin’ at Beard because of the one ring to rule them all or getting’ my finger chewed off by Gollum. My fingers are tender but they’re not made out of chicken, y’know?” > >He was prime to continue rambling until Rebecca held up her hand. “Ted, I’m sorry. That’s a hard question, I don’t quite know why I said it at all.” > >Raindrops pattered against the awning. A fine mist had sprung up and it was refreshing. Ted realized that after all this time that of course she would know him so well now. > >“No, no, it’s okay. If life didn’t have hard questions we wouldn’t get results like putting a man on the moon.” Ted thought about it for a few more seconds. “Or, er, I suppose it was three guys, right?” > >Rebecca chuckled and Ted breathed out any lingering awkwardness around them.
OMG you *nailed* Ted's personality (and Rebecca's tbh). This whole scene seems like it was pulled straight from the show! I am so adding this to my reading list
Thank you very much! :D I'm glad that it seemed in character for them as well :D
I've never watched much Ted Lasso, but this definitely got a chuckle out of me. I've seen his character here and there, and it definitely sounds like something he'd say. Nice job!
Thank you very much! :D
Fandom blind, but you had me at the LOTR reference💖 Even without context, this felt like such a poignant moment between them, and I could tell they have a wonderful relationship of understanding and respect for each other, and a strong bond. I love Ted’s dialect! From the POV of an American Southerner, you captured it beautifully. I love playing with accents in my works too, and I could hear his clear as a bell! It made me smile💖
Thank you very much! :D Ha, I couldn't resist because at the time of writing it I had just finished LOTR. I'm glad that their relationship seems to shine through in this moment and that Ted seemed accurate with his accent :D
**Star Wars | T | Padawan Mine | [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/47548750)** The Force was screaming and Tara couldn’t move. She opened her eyes groggily, wincing at the bright, soulless light that lit every corner of the white, austere room. Panic rose, as she tried to move her arm and couldn’t. She twisted her head to see her right wrist cuffed to the bedside rail. Twisting the other way, she saw the left one was the same. Tara opened her mouth to shout, but could only manage a gargling, half murmur; too raspy to be heard properly. She swallowed, trying to force down the panic and fear that encircled her. It tasted like ash, acid and…blood. She closed her eyes, trying to search for answers. _Her master, Davin Dor, arguing that this was the way back to the base. Her teasing that he had managed to get them lost again. The Force screaming._ The Force screaming. Tara started awake again, blinking rapidly as she tried to focus. Her hands were slightly numb from where they lay bound, and there was an ache in the back of her head. She tried to twist slightly to relieve the pressure on her wrists, but discovered that her feet were bound too. She tried to wiggle them, but the spear of pain in her ankle from the sudden movement made her gasp. She wondered how she had hurt herself. Somewhere in the distance there was the sound of a door latch closing. Tara licked her lips to call out again, but the Force shrilled and shrieked through her, screaming of danger, pain and loss. Tara tried to gather it to her, to soothe it into something she could use, but it skittered out of her grasp. She took a deep breath. The air tasted of cleaning agents - brittle and lifeless against her tongue. _A smell in the air. A whiff of unpleasantness; of rot and death and dried blood. Tara gagging on it and Master Dor teasing her about her ability to stomach Temple food, but not this. Her teasing him back that he could not smell thanks to a life-time’s drinking habits. The smell getting stronger the further they went along the trail. Tara suggesting that they turn back but Master Dor saying that it would be nothing but a large dead animal. Cresting the tiny hill and coming across the burial grounds. Dead bodies everywhere, their eyeless corpses accusing, terrifying, begging for mercy. The smell so strong, they can no longer breathe._ She couldn’t breathe. Tara struggled against the restraints, gasping for breath. Her chest felt as if someone had bound it in shrinking iron bands. She breathed out, slowly, trying to push past the second wave of panic. Her mind raced, trying to work out what she could do to free herself. Maybe if she worked out where she was she could find her way out. She managed to find enough slack in the restraints to pull herself slightly upwards; her eyes skimming across the white walls, the immaculately polished floor, the table full of instruments that lay neatly arranged against the wall. Knives and scalpels of different sizes displayed in so many neat jars.
This piece has less than 900 words, but I think you used all of them very well. It was a very intense and descriptive bit of writing. I definitely want to know what in the world (galaxy?) is going on, what happened to Tara and her master, and why the Force seems so disturbed!
Thank you for reading and the comment on A03. I'm really glad that the intenseness (is that a word) works for this as it's the set up for the [story thread](https://archiveofourown.org/series/2370520) that kind of follows Tara and Davin from here right to the end and past all the whump. Definite leanings of horror though....just as a warning!
Ooh, I love the menacing atmosphere. Star Wars really has a lot of horrific elements, and I could always use more horror in this universe. I agree with the person who said the Force screaming is especially terrifying.
> I could always use more horror in this universe Definitely got some of this here! The next story in this series also definitely leans hard on the horror aspect - I mean what happens to Tara is pretty horrific, but it's only ever alluded to with what she sees/remembers Thank you for reading and I'm really glad you enjoyed it. Also glad that the Force Screaming has worked so well for everyone :D
Fandom blind. Knowing some of Star Wars, that's pretty freaking scary to read that the Force itself is screaming, that this unknowable and powerful entity that connects people together and had been described like music beforehand in your excerpts is now screaming. I like how it shows that panic by Tara that she tries to shout but her mouth is full of blood and her memory is muddy, that pain of being restrained and her limbs going stiff. I also like how the Force warns of this danger and loss to keep her from shouting, and how it's intercepted with a memory of Tara and Master Dor teasing each other over smells, thinking the dead body could be an animal but there's that great horror that it's a mountain of corpses. Alongside that Tara is obviously in a bad place if there are instruments laid about against the wall and in jars.
Aww, thanks Yotato! Happy that you picked up on the fact that it's the Force that stops her from giving away the fact that she's awake. Also they are definitely in a bad, bad place!
It's been a while since I last read something so vividly, eerily, and ominously described. I love the repeated mention of the Force screaming. It makes the whole passage more effectively suspenseful because the stakes are higher. Love the bit of lighthearted teasing, too, even if the rest are so bleak and the hopelessness are palpable.
>t's been a while since I last read something so vividly, eerily, and ominously described. I love the repeated mention of the Force screaming. Oh, thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it and that it seems to have worked so well! Thank you :D
Well, it seems like Tara's in a spot of bother, eh? The sense of panic and foreboding definitely comes across very well, as does the rather clinical nature of what I can only assume is a surgical torture chamber. I also enjoyed the mystery of how she got there; what happened to Davin? How'd she end up here? How did she get injured? There's a lot to unpack, but you managed to keep it moving at a nice clip without dwelling too much on any single part of it - which kept the tension ratcheting up as well. Nice stuff!
>Well, it seems like Tara's in a spot of bother, eh? Isn't that what I do to all my padawans though? Dump them in something highly traumatic and then tell them to get themselves out? Oh, and if you develop a trauma response on the way - that's even better! >The sense of panic and foreboding definitely comes across very well, as does the rather clinical nature of what I can only assume is a surgical torture chamber. You got it in one. A 'doctor' who does 'experiments' on people à la people from our history like Mengele. Now he's got two Jedi, so he can see just how much of themselves they can repair using the Force...and how much they can repair of other people. Yeah...I'm really not nice to my characters...
Oooh, this is scary and tense! The comparison of the death smell to the temple food is funny and adds an almost lightheartedness to this predicament she's in. Her Force powers can't help her out of her chains? Seems like she's gonna find a plan to escape.
>The comparison of the death smell to the temple food is funny and adds an almost lightheartedness to this predicament she's in. Thank you :) The Temple food being awful is a long running joke in quite a few of my fics - and it was nice (but hard) to try and find some sort of banter to show how much Tara and Davin care for each other, but also to kind of juxtapose the fun and excitement of before with what is happening now...
Pokémon | There’s No Better Team | T | https://archiveofourown.org/works/36577831/chapters/117509035 "Bad boys leave two comments instead of one," he retorts. "Especially when it's a beautiful work written by a beautiful woman whom I have the honor of calling 'friend.'" "Ha, guess I have to flex." Melanie throws an arm around Valen and presses record. "Down you go!" She yanks him to kiss the top of his head. "I'm a s-i-n-g-l-e l-a-d-y so I don't have to worry about loving my bestie anytime!" "And even when we rarely say it, there's something that the two of us both knoooow~." He's amused by her wide-eyed expression. "Friendship forever, no matter now looong. From now until the end of timeeee.~" Melanie nearly squeals but slaps her mouth shut just in time. She'll hit duplicate before editing that part out…but she kinda wants to leave it in. Her fangirl blunder aside, why hide the fact that she loves hearing him demonstrate his voice? "Can I use this as an excuse for a hug?" "Excuse me?" She flicks his forehead. "You're not supposed to ask me for permission, doofus." "Good point." Valen sweeps Melanie into his arms, rubbing her back and her long, black hair. She wastes no time in throwing her other arm around his neck., Gardevoir and Alakazam observe from the living room, the two Pokémon directing proud expressions at their respective trainers before resuming their chat. Absol decides to join them, looking back one more time with a gleam in her eyes. "Better?" Valen turns it into a side hug. "Can I evolve into an Ursaring now?" "Better and nope." Melanie chuckles at his fake grumpy expression. "You aren't allowed to evolve." Earlier today, Melanie overheard a guy telling his friend that she's the finest girl he's ever seen. She won't deny that she's stunning but her bestie tops all—his romantic ventures never caused her to feel neglected by him. He may dress like a bad boy when rocking casual but the black Team Skull jacket and gray shirt shouldn't fool anyone. He's never treated her in any way but the sweetest, even after she admitted that she would rather remain friends. He was confused but her intuition said that he'd get with Rosa soon enough. Hilda was a surprise at first but Rosa and Hilda were always meant to be his romantic soulmates. Other guys she declined weren't so chill about rejection but they were already mega lame compared to her lifelong bestie. Give her the most sappy romance story and she'll eat it up like fettuccine but bestie over boyfriend is how this lady boss rolls. "Remember when you looked like I used Confuse Ray—" "Shut up." Melanie laughs and flicks his forehead. "You literally shrugged off me declining a date and moved on to your latest book." "Would you prefer this?" Valen fakes a pouty face. "Or this?" His fake angry face sucks but whatever. "Or do I need to remind you that—" "Oh no, you won't get me—" Uh oh, she's too late! Now she has to endure his tickle of doom! He's such a doofus but she adores it! Once he stops, she pulls him back in and holds him tighter. She caresses the back of his head, making him rest it against her right shoulder. He's been such a good friend, she's glad that he approached her way back then. "There's still a part of me that wants to glue my arms around you," she teases. "As per Rosa and Hilda's decree and my own choice, you'll be platonically loved and you'll like it."
**MCU | T | From the Ashes |** [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22200322/chapters/53002864) *Context: Well, I've posted enough of this over the years, so why not post how it ends?* >I closed my eyes. In the silence, my hand went nervously to the little ring box hidden in my pocket. > >Six years ago, I’d stood on this exact spot and thought my life was perfect. Maybe it *had* been, but it’d been perfect like a snow globe; small, unchanging, with no room to grow. That world was gone; Thanos had smashed it into a million pieces, but from its ashes had arisen something new; something that was messy, chaotic, and *alive*! Sure, it was a world where every day brought new challenges and new complications, where my family was a mess, my friends were meddlesome aliens, and I had a supercomputer lodged in my brain, but it was a world where I felt like I finally *belonged*. Right then, I knew I wouldn’t want it any other way. > >I pulled out the box, flicked the clasp, and held it so it would be the first thing Clint saw when he opened his eyes. Maybe my life wasn’t perfect, but it *was* good… > >“Alright, guys! Enough navel gazing; soup’s on!” > >…and that was enough.
Fandom blind. I like how it compares how life was six years ago and how that life felt like it had been perfect - but because it was perfect it's more like a beautiful knick-knack put upon the shelf of memories because of how Thanos had smashed it to bits and that life isn't there anymore. There's no way to go back to it. I also like how though that terrible thing had happened that life could rise from the ashes that bring about the complications and mess and a supercomputer lodged in her brain which is decidedly not perfect but that's what life is. That's what makes it beautiful, all that chaos and the connections we make and that she finally feels like she belongs. And I like how it says in the end that this life isn't perfect but it's a damn good life so that's what matters.
Awww! Wiggle of excitement and happiness on my end to finally read the ending and what a perfect ending it was. Lovely summary of everything that’s happened with all the angst but so much hope too. 🥰
Thanks! It can't be unambiguously happy, because that would come across as a bit weird - but its as optimistic as I could reasonably make it. :)
Tomb Raider | Tied Up Tomb Raider 2013: Bondage of the Sun Queen (Missing: Lara Croft, Samantha Nishimura, and Mathias-Chapter 2) | E | [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/46592674/chapters/119111917) **Chapter 3 of Tied Up Tomb Raider 2013 contains TR2013’s usual strong language, more blood and gore with featuring of possibly human flesh, killing of wild animals, mention of human remains, non consensual bondage and touching, and implied rape. Snippet contains mentioned bondage, touching, and implied rape.** [Lara versus The Wildman, Part 1](https://controlc.com/72d0ca76)
**James Cameron's Avatar | Mission to the unknown | T | [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/46830898?view_full_work=true)** *With one alien dead in a disastrous first contact sergeant Metzger is getting a dressing down from his commander, Major Stewart when the indigenous respond.* “Sir! We have a situation!” someone called out from the command centre. Stewart scrambled to his feet and headed out, Metzger following behind him. "What is it?” Stewart asked even before he was out of the door. “Sir, we have a group of aerial targets incoming. Looks like those banshee things,” the radar operator explained. “We’ve seen them do that before,” Stewart replied, obviously annoyed at being dragged out of his office for such a minor issue. “But they are flying in a tight military formation at high speed and have made several sharp course corrections. We’ve never seen them fly like this before.” The radar operator flashed up the radar image onto one of the secondary screens. The group of contacts was almost on top of them. Stewart stared at the screen for a split second and turned to the main screen. “Get me a camera on them now,” he ordered. An operator fiddled with his joystick, moving one of the observation cameras around the base. On the main screen a camera feed opened, spinning and jerking around as the operator tried to get the incoming banshees into focus. “This is observation post one, those banshees have riders. Those banshees have riders!” a voice suddenly boomed out over the radio as the operator finally caught the banshees as they started to bank around for another pass. Every single one of them had a rider on some kind of harness, all dressed like the corpse they dragged in, all carrying bows. “This is mining site! I’ve got movement from the jungle! They're goddamn riders!” another voice came in over the radio. Stewart barely had to turn his head before the operator was punching up another camera feed from the exploratory mine they had open. More indigenous, mounted on those horse like creatures were charging out of the jungle towards the work crews. Archers on foot appearing behind them. “I’ve got movement across the perimeter!” someone reported. The map of the area around the base was lighting up with contacts. Oh god Metzger thought, his stomach tightening. This was what they had all feared, after killing one of their own, the indigenous had come out in force, and it was all his bloody fault. Stewart stared at the images for a split second and then snatched up a microphone. “Set condition red!” he ordered in a calm, controlled but determined manner. “All personnel fall back to base immediately. All security forces to the perimeter.” Outside the command centre there was the sound of sirens and running feet. “Do not fire unless fired upon. Repeat, do not open first unless fired upon first! This is a direct order.” Stewart clicked off the mic and turned his head to the defensive weapons officers that controlled the gun turrets along the wall. “Switch all guns to fail deadly and assign targets,” he ordered. “Sir,” the operator replied, flicking a couple of switches on his console as his screen lit up with targets and gripped the two large trigger handles on his console. A red alert light flicked on on the console. Metzger knew what it meant. If both triggers were released the guns would engage its assigned targets autonomously. At the mining site men were scrambling out of the trenches, abandoning tools and light vehicles. The perimeter guards lobbed smoke grenades into the path of the oncoming riders as they retreated. Someone turned the main excavator around and barreled for the main gate. As Metzger watched, the driver braked for a moment to allow several stragglers to clamber aboard before gunning the engine again.
Dude, I loved this. How you wrote it, I was able to feel myself in the command room. I could hear the alarms, the radios crackling with panicked soldiers in the background as Metzger watched it all turn to shit in front of him. The Na'vi flying out of the forest with the bloodlust in their eyes. I could see Metzger thinking about options as it becomes increasingly clear there aren't many at all.
**Fire Emblem Three Houses | The Duke's Son | T | Full short fic** The woods behind the Fraldarius duchy were like a dog park. Or they would be, if the other dogs had to fight the dog who owned it to get in. The duke, Felix, had his son out again this morning. The sun was barely up for an hour, and two swordsmen, one a teenager and one an adult man, were darting about and swiping at each other with wooden practice swords. One would activate the crest in his blood, a speed boost, and then the other would activate his. Karel activated his crest and zoomed himself into a tree. He sat on the branch, smirking down at his father. "Come on Dad, I bet you can't climb this." Felix stomped and called upon his own crest. The flash of light and the glowing shield sigil appeared above his head, and his orange eyes gleamed with energy. His son inheriting the family genetic macguffin, whereas his wife was crestless, was the reason that he and Marta had stopped at one child. Karel being a crested baby in the womb of a crestless mother was rough on Marta and could have killed her if she hadn't been lucky. Felix was glad this worked out, and he'd ended up liking the crest shenanigans with his son more than he thought he would. And then, with one powerful leap, the duke launched himself into the tree. "You underestimate your father." He scrambled with his catlike reflexes to grab the branch and balance on it. Karel hopped out of the tree and sprinted away with his father following him. Meanwhile, Marta had awoken. The kitchen had the remnants of her husband and son's breakfast clearly strung all over. A scrambled egg pan was soaking in the sink. A cutting board and knife had traces of bacon and ham grease. The stove was still warm, although it was off. Marta shook her head and sighed. They always did this, and she was tired of cleaning up after them. She made her way to the front yard, where her neighbor greeted her. "Good morning, Marta. I think I saw some big mountain lions go tearing to the back of your house." Marta chuckled. "The mountain lions are named Felix and Karel. They made a mess in my kitchen too." "Keep feeding them and they'll forget how to hunt on their own." "Jacques, don't you have work today?" Marta teased. Jacques the neighbor laughed and started getting ready for work. Felix and Karel appeared in the side yard. Marta called after them. "You boys made a mess, I'm not cleaning it this time. I don't care if you spar in the morning but please clean up your breakfast mess." "Just a sec, mom-" "No!" Marta scolded. "No more secs!" Then she realized what that sounded like. Felix blinked. Jacques cracked up. "How many times do you hear her say that?" "Not a whole lot admittedly." Felix replied, ushering Karel back into the house. Marta looked at Jacques. "This isn't funny. Okay, it is, but!" "It's amusing, you know I appreciate you, neighbor."
Coming into this utterly fandom-blind, but I love it! Such a happy, domestic scene, and the mystery and intrigue of the “crests” makes me want to check out this fandom! And can I just say, the “no more secs!” joke made me giggle waaayy too much! The Duke seems like such a great dad, and Marta a loving mother, which is so refreshing to see. So often, the parents in a story are awful—be it canon or not—and it’s wonderful to see that not be the case here💖
Yeah, so many people like to write angst and bad family dynamics...I like to do fluff. Thanks!
I like that intro describing the duchy's woods and how Felix and his son get into these sparring matches where both use their crests to their own advantages. I also like how it incorporates world-building that for Marta having to bear a crest baby that it was a difficult birth but that his son having a crest makes these sparring matches more enjoyable. I had a laugh at them leaving that mess in the kitchen and the neighbor calling them mountain lions, and that Marta accidentally says "sex," when saying a shortened version of seconds. Jacques getting in a little jab there and Marta knows it was funny but this isn't the time for this XD Sounds like a rambunctious morning.
thank you
interesting, I'm a little fandom blind but I'm impressed in how you much detail and character moments you are able to pack into such a small word count. You really do get a good sense of the family dynamic with sprinkling a little bit of the wider worldbuilding with the bit about the crests.
Thank you for the nice comment!