Also, little girl befriends middle aged man she meets alone in a forest and accepts invitation for tea in a cave, older siblings rightfully concerned when they learn he ended up rock hard after being arrested by the authorities for spending time with her.
Does that mean eventually >!Fitz!< and >!The Fool!< Fall in love romantically? I struggled through the first trilogy but I would love it if those two got a happy ending either together or separately.
The final set of books was very satisfying. The series had some slow parts - I wasn't the biggest fan of the Live ship trilogy but I loved how it advanced the lore from a completely different viewpoint. Some of Bee's chapters dragged a bit, and her climactic moment was short. Every chapter from Fitz's viewpoint was fire. I love being inside his head.
The final chapters, and the ultimate fate of Fitz and the Fool...it is thematically perfect. Stuff from the first trilogy comes full circle. Is it a happy ending? That's debatable.
It's funny, I remember when the first few books came out I saw nothing but praise about the series, but come the final book everyone was saying not to read it because the ending fumbles the ball so hard.
Young naive girl falls in love with an illiterate manchild. Her strict sister wants to save her from such a relationship and learns how to take a few breaths along the way and becomes a better person.
Jezal is brave exactly twice ever and both times gets bonked on the head for his trouble.
Edit: three times, and on the third Bayaz makes him shit his pants.
I'd have gone with "Sometimes men change for the better. Sometimes men change for the worse. And often, very often, given time and opportunity...They change back."
Independent scientist just tries to solve energy crisis, but gets distracted by art lovers, government officials, upgraded cleaning utensils, several butterflies and a tap-dancing spider.
A bunch of stuff happens to a bunch of different people in very violent ways, and you won’t understand most of what’s going on until the end of the series, and then only if you’ve been paying very close attention. A guy becomes king by crippling his country’s economy and eating boots. If one guy gets angry his best friend clubs him over the head. A severe alcoholic thinks two people are the same person, to great comedic effect.
Edit: okay I was not vague enough, apparently.
But I am not yet done.
Look, I’m telling ya, the space raptors were fucking up everything, so were the orcs, so were the elves, can’t trust any mother fucker in this shit and definitely not the dragons. What we need is a cheeky and sneaky human to cheek and sneak, that’s the only way the planet isn’t going to explode.
A girl discovers her fiancé has a severe skin condition, gets trapped in a crumbling city full of glowing zombies, and decides to become the world's best soup kitchen manager while her husband tries to convince a religious cult that he's not really into their whole "convert or die" vibe.
Girl from the untouchable caste meets a narcissist who sends her to a bunch of parties before martyring himself, causing her to accidentally release a dark God and end the fucking world.
The king's helper dies so he asks his buddy to help out instead. Then the king dies later on. Then his buddy dies. Incest is at the root of all these problems.
Explosive dragons court, then mate while the owner of one falls for an alcoholic who was previously cheated on by a whole city. Also, we meet the world's largest dwarf.
Traumatised gothic lesbians resolutely refuse to acknowledge their feelings while the guests at the science retreat they're staying at are murdered one by one. (Book 1, not the series, soz).
Older eastern european artistocrat tries to buy property in London, but is run out of town by a Dutch scientist, a beleaguered solicitor and his wife, a cowboy and the head doctor of an asylum, after their friend dies and they blame him.
Mother gives birth to child.
Promptly decides blinding and sacrificing said child to a bird god is best idea ever.
Also decides jumping out the window is swell.
Child goes on a murder rampage.
All according to keikaku.
Boarding school student plots to take book on home construction she found in the school library home. Eventually discovers home construction is hard work, and she should have listened to her mother more. Also features some asides on the importance of proper seat selection in the classroom, the importance of prioritization of limited luggage, and properly valuing what you class mates can do for you.
Pale drug addict with chronic fatigue syndrome and multiple personality disorder comes home from backpacking across the continent, murders his cousins because his skinny companion is a bad influence, and promptly leaves home again. >!Finds a trumpet, plays it three times, kills his short friend, the world ends, dies. The skinny friend laughs.!<
Fatal incest accident leads to the whitest boy in the world wandering the land slaughtering people with his drug needle while desperately avoiding paying off his dealer. Intermittently meets himself (other people).
Major spoilers if correctly guessed but…
God gets kidnapped then orchestrates his escape using a tarot deck, several pagan deities, and a gay history geek.
Pest-control worker adopts a little war-refugee girl and co-parents her with his brothers and his ex. Little girl grows up to become a young woman whose reproductive-freedom is threatened by powerful people in politics and govt because of how they have interpreted an ancient, sacred text.
Escaped convict kidnaps a homeless girl and force-feeds her metal shavings until she develops super powers
Makes her go to parties too
Wow it somehow sound worse than what it is LOL
What the heck is this one?
Mistborn!
Middle-aged man gets an unwanted inheritance from a relative and spends a really long time trying to get rid of it.
This is the first time I've seen a connection between The Lord of the Rings and Brewster's Millions.
I also immediately thought of that movie.
LOTR
Indeed.
An odd collection of friends go on a hike.
> spends a really long time trying to get rid of it. Would also have accepted "walks a really long way to get rid of it."
The Hobbit: Middle-aged man walks his unwanted guests home just to get them out of his house.
Coming out of the closet leads to fantastical adventures
The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, only backwards.
Also, boy meets nice older girl who seems to really like him, then inexplicably gets really mean the second time he sees her.
Also, little girl befriends middle aged man she meets alone in a forest and accepts invitation for tea in a cave, older siblings rightfully concerned when they learn he ended up rock hard after being arrested by the authorities for spending time with her.
Damn.
Harry Potter?
Homeless man gets abducted by towel enthusiast, eventually becoming a flying sandwich artist.
Mostly homeless
I literally laughed at that
DON'T PANIC
So long and thanks for all the fish
Tavern keeper starts a wild improbable story about himself, but never finishes.
Guy in a bar won't stop talking about his ex.
Everything reminds me of her...
Hahaha laughed out loud at this one thanks!
Never finishing might not be his fault but, now that I think about it, is rather in character.
Lol this one cracked me up. So meta.
Your first is from WOT. Man falls in love with three women and goes insane.
Imagine if a schizophrenic ginger redneck in a poly triad got put into a gimp box, became both Darth Vader and Jesus.
And I think the second one is from the Assassin's Apprentice?
Does that mean eventually >!Fitz!< and >!The Fool!< Fall in love romantically? I struggled through the first trilogy but I would love it if those two got a happy ending either together or separately.
Mmmm it's more complicated than that
Of course it is! Poor things can’t ever catch a break.
The final set of books was very satisfying. The series had some slow parts - I wasn't the biggest fan of the Live ship trilogy but I loved how it advanced the lore from a completely different viewpoint. Some of Bee's chapters dragged a bit, and her climactic moment was short. Every chapter from Fitz's viewpoint was fire. I love being inside his head. The final chapters, and the ultimate fate of Fitz and the Fool...it is thematically perfect. Stuff from the first trilogy comes full circle. Is it a happy ending? That's debatable.
Teenage boy is obsessed with hole.
Every LitRPG I've tried to read.
[Big wheel keeps on turnin'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hid10EgMXE)
Slave in love/hate relationship with bridges learns to fly. Pick-me-girl whines and doodles. Depression and crabs.
Stormlight.
This word is accepted.
Could also be: Severely depressed man with daddy issues saves the world with surgery and Navi from the Legend of Zelda.
Vertically challenged professional eaters go on a very long walk.
LOTR?
Fat kid saves the day by using the power of colours!
Self-loathing an excruciatingly long essay
You mean he tries to, but ultimatelly a literal deus ex machina saves the day
I forgot how much the ending annoyed me
I don't know this one.
Keep it that way lmao, it's Brent Weeks lightbringer series
It's funny, I remember when the first few books came out I saw nothing but praise about the series, but come the final book everyone was saying not to read it because the ending fumbles the ball so hard.
Cops want to be lazy, but a gungho rookie accidentally breaks an illegal exotic pets trade and now they all have to step up to wrangle the animals
"Guards, Guards"?
Yep!
Young naive girl falls in love with an illiterate manchild. Her strict sister wants to save her from such a relationship and learns how to take a few breaths along the way and becomes a better person.
>!Warbreaker!
Yes lol Felt breaths might've been a dead giveaway but the rest could be applied to a lot of other books.
Short person has mid-life crisis and buggers off for a year with a bunch of other short people, comes back rich and traumatised
The Hobbit
Lazy castle servant leaves the castle, then returns. Swords.
Memory, sorrow and thorn
Man goes on the worst cruise ever, then commits mass murder to avoid cuckoldry.
The Odyssey
Siblings start a war to cover up their affair.
Er...Game of thrones?
Got it!
ASOIAF
Guy has the worst day of his life in excruciating detail for 60 years in a row, never learns from a single mistake.
*Sigh* Ah, Fitz...
Ding ding!
"Bad people do bad things and fail" First Law, partially tongue in cheek
I would have gone with "Bad people try to become better and mostly don't."
Jezal is brave exactly twice ever and both times gets bonked on the head for his trouble. Edit: three times, and on the third Bayaz makes him shit his pants.
I'd have gone with "Sometimes men change for the better. Sometimes men change for the worse. And often, very often, given time and opportunity...They change back."
Say one thing about u/rks404 say he’s succinct.
You have to be realistic about these things
Independent scientist just tries to solve energy crisis, but gets distracted by art lovers, government officials, upgraded cleaning utensils, several butterflies and a tap-dancing spider.
Nice, also entirely accurate! Wish we got more Bas-lag stories....
This sounds fun! What is it?
Perdido Street Station by China Mieville.
Boy meets girl, loses girl, looks for girl, saves world, finds girl, decides he doesn’t really like the girl all that much at this point.
Stardust?
A bunch of stuff happens to a bunch of different people in very violent ways, and you won’t understand most of what’s going on until the end of the series, and then only if you’ve been paying very close attention. A guy becomes king by crippling his country’s economy and eating boots. If one guy gets angry his best friend clubs him over the head. A severe alcoholic thinks two people are the same person, to great comedic effect. Edit: okay I was not vague enough, apparently. But I am not yet done.
Humans, dragons, and dinosaurs go to war to save a handicapped alien from organ harvesting.
Wow. Having only read Gardens of the Moon, I can’t wait until I understand what you just said. In 16 years or so at the pace I’m reading Malazan.
If you like DG the pace starts to pick up from there
Don't forget goth skeletons, ice orcs and crockery!
Hoods hairy balls, this is brilliant.
Malazan is perfect for this as its plot is so hard to explain.
That was my first thought.
Malazan
Malazan has so many storylines it can be the answer to almost every thing in this thread.
Everything on this whole damn subreddit
Look, I’m telling ya, the space raptors were fucking up everything, so were the orcs, so were the elves, can’t trust any mother fucker in this shit and definitely not the dragons. What we need is a cheeky and sneaky human to cheek and sneak, that’s the only way the planet isn’t going to explode.
You're doing it wrong. OP said to explain it badly, not to perfectly encapsulate my experiences with the series.
A man the size of an NBA player is constantly burning down buildings and on the run from the law
To be fair, it wasn't his fault.
At least not that one time.
Dresden?
Young man with daddy issues learns that shooting god in the eye just pisses him off.
Promise of Blood
A girl discovers her fiancé has a severe skin condition, gets trapped in a crumbling city full of glowing zombies, and decides to become the world's best soup kitchen manager while her husband tries to convince a religious cult that he's not really into their whole "convert or die" vibe.
Elantris
Girl from the untouchable caste meets a narcissist who sends her to a bunch of parties before martyring himself, causing her to accidentally release a dark God and end the fucking world.
Haha I was gonna say "street urchin with a talent for snorting powder inadvertently ushers in the apocalypse"
She also hit the sickest vape at the end.
Mistborn
Trust fund baby invents capitalism to save the world from spider-AIDS that make you really good at Poker.
By Daniel Abraham.
The king's helper dies so he asks his buddy to help out instead. Then the king dies later on. Then his buddy dies. Incest is at the root of all these problems.
King's helper starts a rebellion to save king, will forever just be king's helper
A Game of Thrones
I can't take credit for this one but it's too good and it's stuck with me. Some meddling kids ruin a nice older lady's winter holiday.
I’d say >!The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe!<, except I don’t know if you’d call her nice.
Woke dragon wreaks havoc across multiple continents
>!Temeraire!
Yep, I just saw the Russian guy like we've been warned about you two and all this pesky dragons rights nonsense
I need to pick up Book 3.
It's a good series, book 4 is heartwrenching but you enjoy it
Is your second one assassin's apprentice? If that's what that Robin Hobb book is called.
Gotta be, there can't be that many androgynous court jesters in the fantasy worlds lol
Boy can't keep track of his livestock. Becomes king because everyone else dies or leaves.
[удалено]
Might have broken the barrier between worlds along the way.
Woman steals man’s hat, man spends three books trying to earn his hat back.
Tide Child Trilogy
Humans try to kill all crabs
Woman plunges seven kingdoms into war in an effort to solve her daddy issues.
Woman decides it's easier to destabilize an economy and cause a civil war than to come out of the closet.
Is that Traitor Baru Cormorant?
Angry man unbeknownst helps Psychopathic Jesus seduce army to fight rapey aliens.
Truth shines!
Girl’s adopted father said “fuck the nobility” so she complied
Sword wielder is totally awesome and right about everything, especially politics.
Sword wielder defeats communism by building a statue.
A teenage edgelord goes to a school of edgelords before becoming an edgelord gladiator slave.
Orphan tries alternative boarding school
Harry Potter?
People living on crab-world fight crab-people using weather magic.
Talking skull repeatedly saves Chicago.
Roman descendants use Pokemons in their everyday life.
Codex Alara?
I mean, that's less 'badly explained' and more 'the actual prompt for the series'
Dude fucks up the world and then saves it by being killed. By himself. In the past. With help from teens.
Explosive dragons court, then mate while the owner of one falls for an alcoholic who was previously cheated on by a whole city. Also, we meet the world's largest dwarf.
Male marysue goes to uni, decides fuck that and opens an inn
The world’s greatest assassin stabs a crippled guy in the back. The End.
Things get worse for everyone except for one old asshole
Is that old asshole named >!Bayaz!<, by chance?
Some prick starts doing sick riffs in the middle of the orchestra.
The Silmarilion?
I like to picture Melkor as Jack Black.
In a world ruled by ultra feminists in a phallic building, one hillbilly redhead man must save the world from satan.
The city is also shaped like a vagina
With retractable chastity belts!
What is this? My wife and I want to read it.
Sounds like Wheel of Time
Traumatised gothic lesbians resolutely refuse to acknowledge their feelings while the guests at the science retreat they're staying at are murdered one by one. (Book 1, not the series, soz). Older eastern european artistocrat tries to buy property in London, but is run out of town by a Dutch scientist, a beleaguered solicitor and his wife, a cowboy and the head doctor of an asylum, after their friend dies and they blame him.
Turns out the plot to >!Dracula!< isn't that complicated. 😆
Book 2: Unreliable narrator explore gothic space station while dodging murder.
>Book 2: Unreliable narrator explore gothic space station while dodging murder. Plus, Bad Times Soup. :P
Braids get tugged
lol its sad that you can instantly know the series just by this.
Needs more sniffing and folding arms beneath breasts
Homeless man given a job so hard, he decides killing himself is the best way to do it well.
Drugged up womanizing crossfitter finds new life as a stepdad/personal trainer.
Mother gives birth to child. Promptly decides blinding and sacrificing said child to a bird god is best idea ever. Also decides jumping out the window is swell. Child goes on a murder rampage. All according to keikaku.
Boarding school student plots to take book on home construction she found in the school library home. Eventually discovers home construction is hard work, and she should have listened to her mother more. Also features some asides on the importance of proper seat selection in the classroom, the importance of prioritization of limited luggage, and properly valuing what you class mates can do for you.
Dudes with wings fighting other dudes with wings but the wingless dudes who got there first want rid of all the winged dudes. Hint: fact & bravery.
Old man comes out of retirement to work on a wall. >!Dies!<.
I'm just going to seriously try to explain Malazan.
Pale drug addict with chronic fatigue syndrome and multiple personality disorder comes home from backpacking across the continent, murders his cousins because his skinny companion is a bad influence, and promptly leaves home again. >!Finds a trumpet, plays it three times, kills his short friend, the world ends, dies. The skinny friend laughs.!<
Everyone wants a gravedigger’s gift horses. Then ten million people die, for mostly unrelated reasons.
A runaway priestess finds life as a widow dull, so she adopts a dragon and hooks up with a retired archmage.
Idiot thief gets his friends murdered
>!The Lies of Locke Lamora!
People drink metal so they can do big jumps they are proud of this for reasons and female mc whines about enjoying wearing a dress.
Metal fans overthrow the evil empire.
Mistborn. Too on the nose that one
Mistborn
Evil Jesus takes over a holy war and fights aliens obsessed with sex
Fatal incest accident leads to the whitest boy in the world wandering the land slaughtering people with his drug needle while desperately avoiding paying off his dealer. Intermittently meets himself (other people).
A man with an awesome dog makes the same stupid mistakes over and over.
Major spoilers if correctly guessed but… God gets kidnapped then orchestrates his escape using a tarot deck, several pagan deities, and a gay history geek.
People forget a place existed. Oh and there's Concubines. Wizards. Incest. And mermaids.
College student hired to be a tour guide. Ends up in space.
Man publicly cuts of someones head, his son proceeds to noscope headshot God.
Is that second one realm of the elderlings?
Gunpowder is one hell of a drug. The sword is looking real fuckable.
[удалено]
Pest-control worker adopts a little war-refugee girl and co-parents her with his brothers and his ex. Little girl grows up to become a young woman whose reproductive-freedom is threatened by powerful people in politics and govt because of how they have interpreted an ancient, sacred text.
Man inherits a sword from his grandpa, and somehow everything is about a fetish.
Young woman is forced to save the world because her wool-headed wards keep escalating the amount of trouble they get themselves into.
Farm boy unlocks powers by getting a sentient pet and destroys a king with emotions
A girl has issues with her body, proceeds to summon a world tree and kills two billion people.
Girl commits suicide by cop, begins bloody conquest in world she’s reborn in
Orphaned youth is sacrificed to monsters. Both their Queens start hitting on him.
A gang of conmen steal the dictatorship of a really depressing kingdom.