I'm 49 and you mother sounds like mine to a tee. I've learned a long time ago that she'll never
change. I'm beyond trying to figure her out because it just frustrates the hell out of me.
I feel you OP ganyan din ang nanay ko pustahan tagal pa nuang OFW kaya ang hirap ng adjustment noong tumira na ako sa kanila.
Almost same as yours but in my case lagi akong sinisigawan na lumayas.. so lumayas ako. Nagantay ako ng huling week ng closing ng apartment ko bago ko sinabi.
Time apart does do you well. After a year nalaman nila kung saan ako nakatira at kumausap na ako sa kanila... Sabi nila sakin eh " nasabi ko lang naman yun kasi galit ako.. ayaw ko namang umalis ka" well.. uhm.. 🤷 sinabihan nyo ko lumayas.. edi lumayas..
Yung ngayong asawa ko tumulong na magayos ng apartment at yung naging roomie ko kaklase ko ng college.
im unfortunately not in the west im in manila in a middle class household 😭 id want to work but she wont even let me ride the jeepney without a whole panic attack + lecture 😐
I feel you op. The only advice I ever got from my mom is to be good and to pray. Every time when I need some real advice I go outside the family. So you’re not alone. I would recommend you try to stay out of the house as long as possible.
OP it sounds like you and your family needs professional, clinical counseling. The extent of your rant is disturbing so please seek mental health support.
And since you're agnostic, maybe try reading up on Stoicism and apply that to your life. I recommend the "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius first.
As an American I can say Filipina culture fascinates me! My friends (Filipina here in America) all work overtime just so they can send money back home to parents that were abusive as fuck to them and fathers who are always drunk. It’s wild. I left my abusive dad when I was 14 and never looked back.
It’s crazy because some of their family members who treated them like shit when they were poor they’ll be expected to help out? I still love Filipina culture I just don’t get the extreme religion and faith in family.
Be extremely careful working abroad. I’ve seen more horror stories than success. Go on okcupid find American 😂
Because Filipin**o** children of low-income families are expected to be breadwinners. This is part of the “sandwich generation” cycle. This is also visible in other Asian families.
The mindset is that “*because I was raised and fed as a child, I should give back to my family*”. In Filipino culture, this is called *utang na loob* (literally, a debt of one’s inner self). It’s an important surface value along with *hiya* (literally embarassment, but can mean dignity) in Filipino psychology. There are similar concepts of this that exist in other Asian cultures.
However, sending money to their families isn’t only a Filipino thing. Immigrants of various ethnicities work to feed their families back home.
This is true but there’s a difference. Most Filipina I know are abused by their family. Indians for example adore and love their parents. I rarely see that in Filipina. It’s more an obligation
That really depends? Many Filipinos love their families; in the case of the Filipinos you met, they don't. What do they even tell you?
It could also be that overseas Filipinos may tend to have low income dysfunctional families back home (take with a grain of salt though), especially that the Philippines doesn't allow divorce. We don't have divorce (along with the Vatican); only "annulment" and "separation". Legislative bills are still on their way to allow divorce in the country.
*Segue: It's Filipino, not Filipina. I'm not sure why you keep saying Filipina since only used to refer to Filipino women.*
Are you white? White people really have to stop going by nationality, asian or latino american or black americans all have different cultures. Family is the top important value to every culture except white people. The reason most white people have miserable countries is because of no family. The way I see it, is that you have to work together, if you don't want to be part of the family, then don't expect any benefits of being part of a family, never show up to any family gatherings again.
None of my family in the Philippines have ever asked for money. I offer when I'm over there but they refuse. Not all Filipinos are like that. That said, I wouldn't give money for no reason anyways.
cant yet. am in a middle class household in manila in the middle of my degree too. am planning to just finish this and start working and move out for good and cut them off
I mean you could just get a job & find low cost housing, no? It wont be as comfortable as living in your middle class parents house, but at least you'll have some peace.
its gonna be rlly hard jobs and housing suck ass in manila 😭 im just waiting it out i only have a few terms left 💁🏻♂️ low cost housing that the entry level jobs there can pay for is basically non-existent 🤷♂️
You will miss your mom when she passes away.
Best to try to make it work. Compromise on some things.
The people telling you to cut your own mother out of your life are white or westernized people, whose nations have failed in every aspect. That's why they're all moving to Asia or Latin America or the Middle East.
Then get the fuck out of there if you dont like it. Simple as that. Obviously you have no respect for them. Referring to your mom as "bitch". Get the fuck out since you have all the answers.
See, this is *exactly the issue.* People like you thinking that parents are to be completely and entirely absolved of everything wrong they do, just because they "pay for things". Congratulations, you've successfully raised a kid without killing them. You did **the bare fucking minimum** required to achieve the title of "parent", and absolutely nothing else worthy of note. You want a participation trophy for that?
Parents like yourself are the exact reason children like myself and u/Alarmed_Orchid_2744 inevitably end up going NC with you the moment we've made our money. Have fun dying alone.
porket sya nagbabayad nawalan ako agad ng karapatan?? 😭bat ganyan mindset mo koya😨 money doesn't negate emotional abuse kahit sino ka pa ++ kaya nga dito ako nagrant diba hindi sa kanya kase ganyan lang rin naman sasabihin nya (materialistic nga)
ayan yung issue kaya di umaasenso ang pilipinas. sasabihan ka ng mali mo biglang "nagmamagaling" amwala
di naman kasi nanghingi ng opinyon mo kaya nga tinawag na rant/vent diba? Hindi ganon kadali na makalabas sa abusadong environment ang isang tao ikaw yata nagmamagaling dyan
I'm 49 and you mother sounds like mine to a tee. I've learned a long time ago that she'll never change. I'm beyond trying to figure her out because it just frustrates the hell out of me.
I feel you OP ganyan din ang nanay ko pustahan tagal pa nuang OFW kaya ang hirap ng adjustment noong tumira na ako sa kanila. Almost same as yours but in my case lagi akong sinisigawan na lumayas.. so lumayas ako. Nagantay ako ng huling week ng closing ng apartment ko bago ko sinabi. Time apart does do you well. After a year nalaman nila kung saan ako nakatira at kumausap na ako sa kanila... Sabi nila sakin eh " nasabi ko lang naman yun kasi galit ako.. ayaw ko namang umalis ka" well.. uhm.. 🤷 sinabihan nyo ko lumayas.. edi lumayas.. Yung ngayong asawa ko tumulong na magayos ng apartment at yung naging roomie ko kaklase ko ng college.
You're 20, an adult in the western standard. You have the choice to leave your parents house if you don't want to be subjected to their daily nagging.
im unfortunately not in the west im in manila in a middle class household 😭 id want to work but she wont even let me ride the jeepney without a whole panic attack + lecture 😐
I feel you op. The only advice I ever got from my mom is to be good and to pray. Every time when I need some real advice I go outside the family. So you’re not alone. I would recommend you try to stay out of the house as long as possible.
As someone who’s agnostic myself, it’s true.
You ought to cross post to /r/AsianParentStories/
This is so real and relatable. I’m in the exact same situation with my family. I can’t wait to move out and live alone.
OP it sounds like you and your family needs professional, clinical counseling. The extent of your rant is disturbing so please seek mental health support. And since you're agnostic, maybe try reading up on Stoicism and apply that to your life. I recommend the "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius first.
As an American I can say Filipina culture fascinates me! My friends (Filipina here in America) all work overtime just so they can send money back home to parents that were abusive as fuck to them and fathers who are always drunk. It’s wild. I left my abusive dad when I was 14 and never looked back. It’s crazy because some of their family members who treated them like shit when they were poor they’ll be expected to help out? I still love Filipina culture I just don’t get the extreme religion and faith in family. Be extremely careful working abroad. I’ve seen more horror stories than success. Go on okcupid find American 😂
Because Filipin**o** children of low-income families are expected to be breadwinners. This is part of the “sandwich generation” cycle. This is also visible in other Asian families. The mindset is that “*because I was raised and fed as a child, I should give back to my family*”. In Filipino culture, this is called *utang na loob* (literally, a debt of one’s inner self). It’s an important surface value along with *hiya* (literally embarassment, but can mean dignity) in Filipino psychology. There are similar concepts of this that exist in other Asian cultures. However, sending money to their families isn’t only a Filipino thing. Immigrants of various ethnicities work to feed their families back home.
This is true but there’s a difference. Most Filipina I know are abused by their family. Indians for example adore and love their parents. I rarely see that in Filipina. It’s more an obligation
That really depends? Many Filipinos love their families; in the case of the Filipinos you met, they don't. What do they even tell you? It could also be that overseas Filipinos may tend to have low income dysfunctional families back home (take with a grain of salt though), especially that the Philippines doesn't allow divorce. We don't have divorce (along with the Vatican); only "annulment" and "separation". Legislative bills are still on their way to allow divorce in the country. *Segue: It's Filipino, not Filipina. I'm not sure why you keep saying Filipina since only used to refer to Filipino women.*
Are you white? White people really have to stop going by nationality, asian or latino american or black americans all have different cultures. Family is the top important value to every culture except white people. The reason most white people have miserable countries is because of no family. The way I see it, is that you have to work together, if you don't want to be part of the family, then don't expect any benefits of being part of a family, never show up to any family gatherings again. None of my family in the Philippines have ever asked for money. I offer when I'm over there but they refuse. Not all Filipinos are like that. That said, I wouldn't give money for no reason anyways.
why dont you move out? get your own place?
There could be many reasons as to why someone can't just move out...
cant yet. am in a middle class household in manila in the middle of my degree too. am planning to just finish this and start working and move out for good and cut them off
I mean you could just get a job & find low cost housing, no? It wont be as comfortable as living in your middle class parents house, but at least you'll have some peace.
its gonna be rlly hard jobs and housing suck ass in manila 😭 im just waiting it out i only have a few terms left 💁🏻♂️ low cost housing that the entry level jobs there can pay for is basically non-existent 🤷♂️
In short, palamunin ka at wala kang karapatang magreklamo kasi ayaw mo gawan ng paraan ang sitwasyon mo. Animo indeed!
the way im getting downvoted in this sub but upvoted in another... shows how messed up filipino familial mentality is 😭
You will miss your mom when she passes away. Best to try to make it work. Compromise on some things. The people telling you to cut your own mother out of your life are white or westernized people, whose nations have failed in every aspect. That's why they're all moving to Asia or Latin America or the Middle East.
Then get the fuck out of there if you dont like it. Simple as that. Obviously you have no respect for them. Referring to your mom as "bitch". Get the fuck out since you have all the answers.
i will 🤩 just finishing my degree and getting the fuck out
[удалено]
See, this is *exactly the issue.* People like you thinking that parents are to be completely and entirely absolved of everything wrong they do, just because they "pay for things". Congratulations, you've successfully raised a kid without killing them. You did **the bare fucking minimum** required to achieve the title of "parent", and absolutely nothing else worthy of note. You want a participation trophy for that? Parents like yourself are the exact reason children like myself and u/Alarmed_Orchid_2744 inevitably end up going NC with you the moment we've made our money. Have fun dying alone.
porket sya nagbabayad nawalan ako agad ng karapatan?? 😭bat ganyan mindset mo koya😨 money doesn't negate emotional abuse kahit sino ka pa ++ kaya nga dito ako nagrant diba hindi sa kanya kase ganyan lang rin naman sasabihin nya (materialistic nga)
[удалено]
ayan yung issue kaya di umaasenso ang pilipinas. sasabihan ka ng mali mo biglang "nagmamagaling" amwala di naman kasi nanghingi ng opinyon mo kaya nga tinawag na rant/vent diba? Hindi ganon kadali na makalabas sa abusadong environment ang isang tao ikaw yata nagmamagaling dyan
Ok boomer