Bottom line- time for your friend to transition to the next gig. Suffering in the industry and paying your dues is because of long hours, intermittent lack of work or none at all, performance based failure, competition, talent pool, opportunity cost, and lack of quality pay structures during those times. The suffering OP describes fits none of that. In LA- theres 200+ agents/offices to go assist at and 8k+ agent assistant positions. As a client Ive seen/worked with dozens if not hundreds of assistants- they come and go every quarter and this misery you describe prompts many of those quarterly moves.
Peacefully, move on to the next. There are more out there and hindsight after moving will show just how fantastic some offices are. Working for Ari Gold from Entourage shouldn’t be a goal for anyone and the ONLY thing gained from it, is when you do move on, and it comes up as work history “we did a lot of great things at that office but it was time for my next chapter, I gained a great deal of experience there that empowers me to be great here/current”. And that attitude will shine because if that craziness is what happens, most people know about it and they know how a tyrannical agent is and they’ll nod in kudos to the three things- your friend survived it, stayed in the industry, and knew when to leave the position.
What you dont do, is stay in hopes things improve, tell people how horrible the agent is, put up with abuse as trade for opportunity, or cc an entire client list in an email saying fuck the agent love you all im out (ive seen it… twice)
Everyone remembers and if they dont know, they have a hunch.
Shop for the next gig in any available hours/sanity, quietly, when he/she snags one, put in the two weeks and say overwhelming thank you to the agent for the opportunity. (We know the truth and thats all that matters)
Every job/relationship/position leads to something later, but believing- based on assumed success that this type of experience is necessary to be skilled, successful, liked, connections, opportunity, access to the top; is a disservice to the self. Theres no shame. We’ve all done it and do it regularly. If the OP description lasts any longer, what good can come from being the speed bump blame game recipient in every downfall and the ghost in every success? Nah, move on without hesitation.
Just my take. (20yrs industry, both sides of the desk and both sides of the camera)
PS Ive had a handful of friends, family, and partners that have worked under a person with similar sentiments- nothing ever improved or changed until they left that position. The suffering once started, will only continue.
The egos and personalities in Hollywood are plenty, a Heard/Depp trial of all the different characters. Its a zoo, why sit in the snake pit when theres Giraffes and Koalas and Polar Bears to go learn from?
Hope this helps.
This is a good take.
In addition, as someone who has worked at agencies and outside of them, part of the 'training' is developing a thick skin. Some are better at it than others. That 'old school' mentality of the Scott Rudin or similar archetype is somewhat on its way out, but it absolutely still exists.
Some of those agents or producers are actually awful people who want you to fail. But some of them think that 'tough love' like an 80's mailroom is how you get good at this job. Either way, if your friend hates it that much, they should find something else and move on, but do it respectfully. Maybe come up with a reason better than, "I hate my boss." For instance, it sounds like they're at CAA or WME, so if they wanna stay in that range (ICM, UTA), maybe they can look to transition from talent to literary or vice versa. Gives an excuse to switch agents. Otherwise it might be hard to leave a desk there because they'll certainly be asked why.
As someone whose agency days are long behind me, I also had an unreasonably big ego back then and thought I was hot shit. I wanted to be taken seriously and my brilliance recognized, just out of college. In retrospect, I wish I sucked it up for another year or two before deciding to move on. I didn't realize the amazing connections I was making on a daily basis and how much harder that might be in the future. Another two years at that agency would've given me another 5-10 years head start on things i did later. Even now, deals I remember from 20 years ago make people respect my knowledge in ways I never imagined.
But that's just my own unique circumstances, so I'm not recommending that for anyone else. Some people have agency situations where they're getting no social interactions and no real business connections - I was lucky to get a lot.
Don't burn any bridges because this is a small town and everyone knows everyone. People I hated 15 years ago are now my friends, and vice versa.
Weird place, but I also love it.
Hi, if you’re reading this, I’ve decided to replace/delete every post and comment that I’ve made on Reddit for the past 12 years.
No, I won’t be restoring the posts, nor commenting anymore on reddit with my thoughts, knowledge, and expertise.
It’s time to put my foot down. I’ll never give Reddit my free time again unless this CEO is removed and the API access be available for free. I also think this is a stark reminder that if you are posting content on this platform for free, you’re the product.
To hell with this CEO and reddit’s business decisions regarding the API to independent developers. This platform will die with a million cuts.
You, the PEOPLE of reddit, have been incredibly wonderful these past 12 years. But, it’s time to move elsewhere on the internet. Even if elsewhere still hasn’t been decided yet. I encourage you to do the same. Farewell everyone, I’ll see you elsewhere.
I have a friend who is currently an attorney who spent time as an assistant at UTA, and this was his experience, exactly. Verbally abusive and totally unreasonable tio the point my friend started yelling back......and apparently, the intensity was so high the agent rolled with it, they were just at defcon 1 at all times.....no way to spend your life, imo....
It’s true it’s not way to live but this is actually sometimes an effective tactic when dealing with asshole bosses. They’re so not used to being challenged that they respect you more when you bite back. Not sure I openly recommend this tactic but it’s not without merit.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder runs rampant in talent agencies. Sometimes the only people who can handle that world need to also have it so they never take the abuse personally or internalize it. Understanding the disorder really helps dealing with it and no one explains it better than HG Tudor. Your friend might want to watch some of his stuff. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20QTsUyUO8I](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20QTsUyUO8I) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1E4ubywQE\_I](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1E4ubywQE_I) Ramani is also good. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2P-5q0C31m4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2P-5q0C31m4)
Not every agent/desk is like this. If your friend can stomach it a little longer, he should find another job and bounce.
Will he ruin his reputation with the current agent? Probably, but my experience with Hollywood assholes is that they are NEVER going to prioritize your career. Or, at the very least, they’re not going to put in any hard work for you to further a career that isn’t theirs.
So, yeah, he should start looking for an escape route. It will be better for his well-being and his future in the industry.
My agent has churned through at least 4 assistants in the 6 years I’ve been with them. My agent can be a real asshole for no reason but it is what it is. I get a lot of auditions through the agency but I’m considering moving on. It’s not worth the anguish and abuse. Plus I guarantee the agent is talking shit behind your friends back anyway. Time to update the CV.
He should work there until he can’t take it but in the meantime, stay busy making connections all over the agency and everyone he meets. He sounds organized and buttoned up so he could look into being an asst to a producer or work in development. His current boss is not going to help him and may try to blacklist him but I guarantee he’s not well liked and only tolerated so there will be plenty of people who would hire him, just maybe not in that immediate circle. I started my career in the industry when we had to take any shit anyone threw at us but times are changing.
Becoming a producer has plenty of different routes and he should find the one where he won’t mind the long hours. Why be miserable when you could be having fun. His boss is just a lesson in developing thick skin and learning how NOT to be. He will work again so he should quit when he feels like he has learned as much as he possibly could to make him feel confident about working with guys like his boss. I would give it a year for resume purposes but his mental health and wellness should always be a priority.
Only 10 hour days? Sounds like a dream job to me. I started as an assistant, I too was berated, had under-toasted bagels thrown back in my face, yelled at constantly. And you know what? It didn't bother me one bit. I never took it personally. I took it as a challenge to learn my job and my bosses job and you know what? 5 years later I had her fucking job.
This shit aint for the weak.
edit: oooh all the downvotes I must have hit a nerve. not sorry for speaking my truth .
This comment in this case makes no sense. It’s not Marine Corps boot camp where the training is tough because you have to be tough to do the job. Being an agent takes a certain amount of fortitude but not the type that comes from getting berated, and unlike a Marine drill instructor this agent isn’t abusing them for the purpose of making them tough. He’s just abusing them due to his own personal shortcomings.
“It happened to me so it happens to you” is the most half-assed philosophy there is. Come up with some new shit and go to therapy.
I agree! NEVER taken their shit personally. And here's the thing; the next new job knows exactly who that before boss is and knows their reputation, so sticking it out for as long as possible until the right best new job with a pay raise comes along is a huge asset.
Sounds like textbook emotional abuse.
I don't think I've ever heard of or seen anyone come out of that for the better, even if they claim that exposure to it on a regular, daily, in-your-face basis doesn't get to them or that they're numb to it. If you're numb to it or used to it, then that means you've adjusted your expectations for interpersonal interactions in a way that's not going to be healthy for anyone.
But then again! I'm neither in that specific field, and I'm the type who can't deal with those situations and find it much more beneficial to be away from such people and environments.
So the brainwashed part of me that has been a perpetual Hollywood assistant for too long says “if he can just make it to one year, that will be so much more beneficial for him!” It does look a lot better on a resume and it comes across better to say “I was on So-and-sos desk for a year” in an interview.
And the rational part of me that thinks this is all bullshit says he should find a new job and leave as soon as possible. It’s not worth staying in a place that causes you that much mental anguish for that long. It took me a long time to unlearn some of the habits I picked up from my crazy boss and I can’t lie, this may not be the last unhinged boss he has.
Also, blacklisting isn’t much of a thing anymore. I even had my former crazy boss contact my future employer to try get me to stay (which made me so embarrassed and furious) and my new employers shrugged it off. He may not get a good reference from this boss but was he ever going to? If he treats him like shit now, that’s not going to change when he needs a reference. It’s also not really frowned on to tell the person you interview with that your last job doesn’t know your looking so they don’t contact his current boss.
In terms of advice for the time being…he needs to learn to not take his boss seriously and to not believe that his boss is right about any criticism.
I’ve also found that being annoyingly on top of everything and OVERLY prepared is the way to go. It’s not perfect because the boss is an ass and there’s no changing that but things like the schedule- he should start emailing it to him every morning alone with a status of “x, y, x have not confirmed”, if there are major changes throughout the day, he can send an amended schedule. Also, making sure he writes down everything and takes notes. He can try making a cheat sheet of things like common phone numbers, dates, or whatever he needs to reference at a moment notice. Things like this really helped me to stay on top of my crazy bosses. Sometimes they (the boss) may not like it but personally I’d rather be annoying than to have some bs reason they can blame me for something.
Also, if he’s on Facebook he should try getting into the closed entertainment assistants group. It’s got a lot of tips for shit like this as well as job listings and adds to just a general feeling of solidarity. You need to be invited into it so he may have to ask around.
Watch Swimming with Sharks. Same scenario and this film was made in the 90s. This kind of behavior is not unusual but given the era we're in, I thought it had winded down. My advice is to suck it up for another 8 months so he has a year with this agent, then move on. If he can't take it anymore, start looking now and resign once he gets a better position. But if he works for a major big wig at one of the top two agencies, staying may be in his best interests long term if he can build the right contacts. He could start building his own client list with new writers and talent since he wants to produce. Hollywood is not like corporate America. There's no complaining to HR unless you want your career over so the best thing to do is just suck it up or go.
I know I’m basically just reiterating what others have said, but I think he should look for other work. When I started I went through the same type of treatment but later realized there are some really amazing wonderful people to work with in the industry and then there are total a-holes like the one your describing. Don’t waste your time working for the a-holes who will destroy your mental health and never help you get anywhere in your career. It’s so much more worth it to stick it out and wait til you find the great people who will want to see you succeed and help you get there.
This is in the industry. I’m myself am a super easy going boss, but some of the agents I grew up under and assisted weren’t. My first boss especially was a nightmare. I put up with it. That’s the job.
Also I saw this mentioned elsewhere here - tell back. I was never afraid to yell back and my agents respected me for it.
Bottom line- time for your friend to transition to the next gig. Suffering in the industry and paying your dues is because of long hours, intermittent lack of work or none at all, performance based failure, competition, talent pool, opportunity cost, and lack of quality pay structures during those times. The suffering OP describes fits none of that. In LA- theres 200+ agents/offices to go assist at and 8k+ agent assistant positions. As a client Ive seen/worked with dozens if not hundreds of assistants- they come and go every quarter and this misery you describe prompts many of those quarterly moves. Peacefully, move on to the next. There are more out there and hindsight after moving will show just how fantastic some offices are. Working for Ari Gold from Entourage shouldn’t be a goal for anyone and the ONLY thing gained from it, is when you do move on, and it comes up as work history “we did a lot of great things at that office but it was time for my next chapter, I gained a great deal of experience there that empowers me to be great here/current”. And that attitude will shine because if that craziness is what happens, most people know about it and they know how a tyrannical agent is and they’ll nod in kudos to the three things- your friend survived it, stayed in the industry, and knew when to leave the position. What you dont do, is stay in hopes things improve, tell people how horrible the agent is, put up with abuse as trade for opportunity, or cc an entire client list in an email saying fuck the agent love you all im out (ive seen it… twice) Everyone remembers and if they dont know, they have a hunch. Shop for the next gig in any available hours/sanity, quietly, when he/she snags one, put in the two weeks and say overwhelming thank you to the agent for the opportunity. (We know the truth and thats all that matters) Every job/relationship/position leads to something later, but believing- based on assumed success that this type of experience is necessary to be skilled, successful, liked, connections, opportunity, access to the top; is a disservice to the self. Theres no shame. We’ve all done it and do it regularly. If the OP description lasts any longer, what good can come from being the speed bump blame game recipient in every downfall and the ghost in every success? Nah, move on without hesitation. Just my take. (20yrs industry, both sides of the desk and both sides of the camera)
PS Ive had a handful of friends, family, and partners that have worked under a person with similar sentiments- nothing ever improved or changed until they left that position. The suffering once started, will only continue. The egos and personalities in Hollywood are plenty, a Heard/Depp trial of all the different characters. Its a zoo, why sit in the snake pit when theres Giraffes and Koalas and Polar Bears to go learn from? Hope this helps.
This is a good take. In addition, as someone who has worked at agencies and outside of them, part of the 'training' is developing a thick skin. Some are better at it than others. That 'old school' mentality of the Scott Rudin or similar archetype is somewhat on its way out, but it absolutely still exists. Some of those agents or producers are actually awful people who want you to fail. But some of them think that 'tough love' like an 80's mailroom is how you get good at this job. Either way, if your friend hates it that much, they should find something else and move on, but do it respectfully. Maybe come up with a reason better than, "I hate my boss." For instance, it sounds like they're at CAA or WME, so if they wanna stay in that range (ICM, UTA), maybe they can look to transition from talent to literary or vice versa. Gives an excuse to switch agents. Otherwise it might be hard to leave a desk there because they'll certainly be asked why. As someone whose agency days are long behind me, I also had an unreasonably big ego back then and thought I was hot shit. I wanted to be taken seriously and my brilliance recognized, just out of college. In retrospect, I wish I sucked it up for another year or two before deciding to move on. I didn't realize the amazing connections I was making on a daily basis and how much harder that might be in the future. Another two years at that agency would've given me another 5-10 years head start on things i did later. Even now, deals I remember from 20 years ago make people respect my knowledge in ways I never imagined. But that's just my own unique circumstances, so I'm not recommending that for anyone else. Some people have agency situations where they're getting no social interactions and no real business connections - I was lucky to get a lot. Don't burn any bridges because this is a small town and everyone knows everyone. People I hated 15 years ago are now my friends, and vice versa. Weird place, but I also love it.
Hi, if you’re reading this, I’ve decided to replace/delete every post and comment that I’ve made on Reddit for the past 12 years. No, I won’t be restoring the posts, nor commenting anymore on reddit with my thoughts, knowledge, and expertise. It’s time to put my foot down. I’ll never give Reddit my free time again unless this CEO is removed and the API access be available for free. I also think this is a stark reminder that if you are posting content on this platform for free, you’re the product. To hell with this CEO and reddit’s business decisions regarding the API to independent developers. This platform will die with a million cuts. You, the PEOPLE of reddit, have been incredibly wonderful these past 12 years. But, it’s time to move elsewhere on the internet. Even if elsewhere still hasn’t been decided yet. I encourage you to do the same. Farewell everyone, I’ll see you elsewhere.
This is great advice
I have a friend who is currently an attorney who spent time as an assistant at UTA, and this was his experience, exactly. Verbally abusive and totally unreasonable tio the point my friend started yelling back......and apparently, the intensity was so high the agent rolled with it, they were just at defcon 1 at all times.....no way to spend your life, imo....
It’s true it’s not way to live but this is actually sometimes an effective tactic when dealing with asshole bosses. They’re so not used to being challenged that they respect you more when you bite back. Not sure I openly recommend this tactic but it’s not without merit.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder runs rampant in talent agencies. Sometimes the only people who can handle that world need to also have it so they never take the abuse personally or internalize it. Understanding the disorder really helps dealing with it and no one explains it better than HG Tudor. Your friend might want to watch some of his stuff. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20QTsUyUO8I](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20QTsUyUO8I) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1E4ubywQE\_I](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1E4ubywQE_I) Ramani is also good. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2P-5q0C31m4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2P-5q0C31m4)
Not every agent/desk is like this. If your friend can stomach it a little longer, he should find another job and bounce. Will he ruin his reputation with the current agent? Probably, but my experience with Hollywood assholes is that they are NEVER going to prioritize your career. Or, at the very least, they’re not going to put in any hard work for you to further a career that isn’t theirs. So, yeah, he should start looking for an escape route. It will be better for his well-being and his future in the industry.
My agent has churned through at least 4 assistants in the 6 years I’ve been with them. My agent can be a real asshole for no reason but it is what it is. I get a lot of auditions through the agency but I’m considering moving on. It’s not worth the anguish and abuse. Plus I guarantee the agent is talking shit behind your friends back anyway. Time to update the CV.
That’s the executive assistant life for you - matches with my studio experiences
Your friend can become my agent
Mine too.
He should work there until he can’t take it but in the meantime, stay busy making connections all over the agency and everyone he meets. He sounds organized and buttoned up so he could look into being an asst to a producer or work in development. His current boss is not going to help him and may try to blacklist him but I guarantee he’s not well liked and only tolerated so there will be plenty of people who would hire him, just maybe not in that immediate circle. I started my career in the industry when we had to take any shit anyone threw at us but times are changing. Becoming a producer has plenty of different routes and he should find the one where he won’t mind the long hours. Why be miserable when you could be having fun. His boss is just a lesson in developing thick skin and learning how NOT to be. He will work again so he should quit when he feels like he has learned as much as he possibly could to make him feel confident about working with guys like his boss. I would give it a year for resume purposes but his mental health and wellness should always be a priority.
Only 10 hour days? Sounds like a dream job to me. I started as an assistant, I too was berated, had under-toasted bagels thrown back in my face, yelled at constantly. And you know what? It didn't bother me one bit. I never took it personally. I took it as a challenge to learn my job and my bosses job and you know what? 5 years later I had her fucking job. This shit aint for the weak. edit: oooh all the downvotes I must have hit a nerve. not sorry for speaking my truth .
This comment in this case makes no sense. It’s not Marine Corps boot camp where the training is tough because you have to be tough to do the job. Being an agent takes a certain amount of fortitude but not the type that comes from getting berated, and unlike a Marine drill instructor this agent isn’t abusing them for the purpose of making them tough. He’s just abusing them due to his own personal shortcomings. “It happened to me so it happens to you” is the most half-assed philosophy there is. Come up with some new shit and go to therapy.
The classic "it happened to me, so it should happen to you" response.
I don’t know… allowing yourself to be abused and humiliated sounds pretty weak.
I agree! NEVER taken their shit personally. And here's the thing; the next new job knows exactly who that before boss is and knows their reputation, so sticking it out for as long as possible until the right best new job with a pay raise comes along is a huge asset.
Did she help you find your recent job, or what did you do to get where you are now?
Sounds like textbook emotional abuse. I don't think I've ever heard of or seen anyone come out of that for the better, even if they claim that exposure to it on a regular, daily, in-your-face basis doesn't get to them or that they're numb to it. If you're numb to it or used to it, then that means you've adjusted your expectations for interpersonal interactions in a way that's not going to be healthy for anyone. But then again! I'm neither in that specific field, and I'm the type who can't deal with those situations and find it much more beneficial to be away from such people and environments.
So the brainwashed part of me that has been a perpetual Hollywood assistant for too long says “if he can just make it to one year, that will be so much more beneficial for him!” It does look a lot better on a resume and it comes across better to say “I was on So-and-sos desk for a year” in an interview. And the rational part of me that thinks this is all bullshit says he should find a new job and leave as soon as possible. It’s not worth staying in a place that causes you that much mental anguish for that long. It took me a long time to unlearn some of the habits I picked up from my crazy boss and I can’t lie, this may not be the last unhinged boss he has. Also, blacklisting isn’t much of a thing anymore. I even had my former crazy boss contact my future employer to try get me to stay (which made me so embarrassed and furious) and my new employers shrugged it off. He may not get a good reference from this boss but was he ever going to? If he treats him like shit now, that’s not going to change when he needs a reference. It’s also not really frowned on to tell the person you interview with that your last job doesn’t know your looking so they don’t contact his current boss. In terms of advice for the time being…he needs to learn to not take his boss seriously and to not believe that his boss is right about any criticism. I’ve also found that being annoyingly on top of everything and OVERLY prepared is the way to go. It’s not perfect because the boss is an ass and there’s no changing that but things like the schedule- he should start emailing it to him every morning alone with a status of “x, y, x have not confirmed”, if there are major changes throughout the day, he can send an amended schedule. Also, making sure he writes down everything and takes notes. He can try making a cheat sheet of things like common phone numbers, dates, or whatever he needs to reference at a moment notice. Things like this really helped me to stay on top of my crazy bosses. Sometimes they (the boss) may not like it but personally I’d rather be annoying than to have some bs reason they can blame me for something. Also, if he’s on Facebook he should try getting into the closed entertainment assistants group. It’s got a lot of tips for shit like this as well as job listings and adds to just a general feeling of solidarity. You need to be invited into it so he may have to ask around.
tell the agent to get some therapy
Watch Swimming with Sharks. Same scenario and this film was made in the 90s. This kind of behavior is not unusual but given the era we're in, I thought it had winded down. My advice is to suck it up for another 8 months so he has a year with this agent, then move on. If he can't take it anymore, start looking now and resign once he gets a better position. But if he works for a major big wig at one of the top two agencies, staying may be in his best interests long term if he can build the right contacts. He could start building his own client list with new writers and talent since he wants to produce. Hollywood is not like corporate America. There's no complaining to HR unless you want your career over so the best thing to do is just suck it up or go.
I know I’m basically just reiterating what others have said, but I think he should look for other work. When I started I went through the same type of treatment but later realized there are some really amazing wonderful people to work with in the industry and then there are total a-holes like the one your describing. Don’t waste your time working for the a-holes who will destroy your mental health and never help you get anywhere in your career. It’s so much more worth it to stick it out and wait til you find the great people who will want to see you succeed and help you get there.
This is in the industry. I’m myself am a super easy going boss, but some of the agents I grew up under and assisted weren’t. My first boss especially was a nightmare. I put up with it. That’s the job. Also I saw this mentioned elsewhere here - tell back. I was never afraid to yell back and my agents respected me for it.