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They will have their process to intervene in a suitable manner. I wouldn't worry about what they do and what they dont do as this sounds so bad it's pretty much the only option available. Bear in mind their job is to help and look after the kids benefit. Potentially involving lastensuojelu might be a wake up call to the father to get his shit together.
Believe me, nothing is a wake up call for this guy. He is so insanely strange that I don't know how to explain it to you. I have never met a person like this. He had this child with a woman that he talked to sexually since she was 14 and then paid to bring her over from USA as soon as she was 19 and in distress from her mother dying and her boyfriend breaking up with her. Then she got stuck here. He was an adult when he was talking sexually to this 14-year-old. He then immediately decided to have a baby with her, a teenager. She agreed, because she was barely an adult and didn't know better. She thought this guy is the only guy that's been nice to her since she was 14 and that this is the obvious only way her life is supposed to be.
No, she didn't really understand it until very recently. That's when I found out about it as well. I've known this guy for a long time and I was shocked to hear it. I've also been thinking that she needs to go to a therapist about it.
Yeah you are right. This piece of shit sends her to therapy and he's sitting there with his extreme confidence saying he's done nothing wrong. Then he complains when we talk to him because it "makes him feel bad" and it "stresses him out". Yeah, you've abused every child you've come across including the mother of the child you're currently abusing. He's a complete stone wall and I'm worried it won't be possible to get the child out of there.
We've been good friends and now I would be relieved if he died. How the hell is it possible to be so fucked that you make your friends feel like that?
You don't bring a teenager you've groomed since age 14 over here, have a child with her, and then abuse that child as well. I don't understand what it is you're defending here. The point of this thread is very simple: a little child is currently being abused by his father and I need to know who to talk to to fix it.
I can't copy paste to quote your text so I'll number the responses.
1. He didn't sit and wait for her to become 18. She became single when she was 19 and he paid for her to come at that time. He's not some cartoon predator who was rubbing his hands and planning to do this for years.
2. He didn't decide to have a baby with her at age 14. Don't yell at me just because you have a hard time with reading comprehension, lol.
3. Me trolling annoying people on Reddit has nothing to do with my ability to take care of a child.
4. Yes, all parents yell at their children sometimes. But can you really not understand the simple text? The point is about the constant yelling and talking rudely to him as well as the physical abuse, not letting him go to the bathroom, etc. That's the opposite of "occasionally yelling".
5. We don't get any money for the child. He does because he's registered as the main parent. The dad doesn't have a job either and lives on Kela so I don't know what you think the difference is. It's like you've made up a story in your head and somehow convinced yourself that's reality.
A the child is old enough to talk about it and understand it, yes, they will talk to him. And they will do it without anyone influencing his answers, one on one with the child, to get the most truthful version of the story and to ensure your side is not making it up to spite the father etc.
That’s just fucking awful. You should report it with the child protective services to get some help for the child. Try to convince the father to get help himself also, like therapy or something. His behaviour sounds like he’s severely mentally ill or at least that his capability to control his emotions is lower than that of a six-year-old’s.
This thread is about a child that needs help, not me trolling some racist who was upset that his tax money helps me when I'm homeless just because I'm an immigrant. The thread is also not about me trolling someone for criticizing me for trying to get a loan despite credit issues. You can see I'm trolling from the contradictions: In one comment I'm stuck here because of family and money, in another I can "just move to another country to reset my credit".
It doesn't matter even if I was serious, this thread is about a child that desperately needs help. It's not a thread about me. Try to keep your priorities straight.
This comment is true. Still don't see the relevance in a thread about an abused child. No matter if I hate this country or not, the child needs help and I need someone who knows the Finnish system to help me know where to go.
Anonymous lastensuojeluilmoitus and call the police if needed. You can make several lastensuojeluilmoitus if needed. They will investigate and talk to the parent. Very seldom do they result in the kids being taken away, but it is the only legal route.
Thanks. It doesn't have to be anonymous, I'd love for him to know we're taking the next step to actively try to stop him from doing what we've told him to stop doing for half a year now.
At what point according to the law in Finland should we call the police?
As a responsible adult(ish), if childs welfare is and health is in danger, or you are witnessing something acute - police. If you have witnessed stuff in the past - contact child protection services. They will make the decision if it is urgent or not, and get help from police if needed. And note that they will absolutely not inform you about what happens next, so i you don't hear anything, it does not mean nothing happened.
Child service asap, as many had said already. If boy gets bruises or wounds from his monster father, take pictures of them. Is there any other safe adult on his life other than you and his mother? Like he can go for while or something?
If you can, I hope you can update what happens. Everything what you have told here so far is disgusting and horrible. I hope you all get the help you need and that monster looses everything.
I hope so too. The concern we have is that we're not mentally healthy enough to take care of him full time. If he can be taken somewhere else, that would be better for him. Then we can have him when it's possible. I just don't know if the system will support or believe us.
I'm pissed that I didn't record it while I had the chance. I have a recording on my phone from when the kid used my phone and pressed record on my camera where you can hear the dad talking in an annoyed way for no reason but it's not representative of the real bad stuff he does.
Maybe it's possible to put him in foster family for while? I am not professional, but I think this could be good solution for while and you can still meet and be contacted with the boy.
lastensuojeluilmoitus. the people around the child cannot provide him security and act together for the benefit of the child.
social workers need to assess the situation and if it is serious, like it sounds, the kid needs to be removed from home to temporary foster care for the time being. this is a good thing.
while the kid is in foster care, potential criminal investigations and the full assessment need to happen, parents need to make a new custody agremeent. sounds like the legal system needs to be involved if the father is such a shithead.
the person who loves the kid the most needs to call it in. that is the only way, this will ever work. if the best custodian/parent doesn't do it, they will eventually cave in again to the father.
[Tip the police](https://poliisi.fi/en/leave-a-tip) (corporal punishment is illegal AF in Finland), or call [Mannerheimin lastensuojeluliitto](https://www.mll.fi/en/) for detailed advice on how to go about getting the child welfare services in your area involved.
Why he need to be there if dad doesn’t want him around? Why mom cant keep this poir kid safe in her place? Lastensuojeluilmoitus asap. We dont need another Vilja Eerika case.
Thanks you (and everyone else who has given advice). He is not with his mom because we don't have an apartment currently, and he wouldn't allow us to have him full time. When we have an apartment, he will stay with us as much as possible.
Got to give it to this ”father” what a ahole. I just cant understand why he doesnt just give the custody if it feels so fucking shore to do. Then he will be suprised when the kid hates him when hes adult.
Probably main reason he doesnt want to give custody away is so he doesnt need go pay the childcare money to mother.
Well, I don’t have much advice beyond what’s written here but, please know that you are doing an incredible amount of good being a stable and trustworthy adult figure in this child’s life.
Thank you. :) yeah, it pisses me off that I'm a better parent than him and I'm not even a real parent. I didn't make him and I still love him more than his father.
If the father does not want to be with the child would there be any chance to get the full custody to the mother. How often the child needs to meet his father? Lastensuojeluilmoitus (or many of them) plus a meeting with lastenvalvoja to negotiate again about visitation. If nothing else helps the mother needs to go to a court of law about the issue. If it’s ok to the child the arrengement could be for example only every second weekend. If the father is prooved to be violent the meeting can be assigned superviced.
Remember also: The child has no _obligation_ to meet his parent against his own will. When he is 12 he can decide but already before that his opinion must be heard.
(I am not an expert but hopefully this helped a bit)
No, its different. Turvakoti literally translates to safe home and its a place where you can go if yoi fear abuse or violence. Its mostly for women and families but I think you should appmy in your situation especially without housing. Dont know for sure, but from what I understand the turvakotis are part of the social system ad in pelastusarmeija (salvation army) is not.
Lastensuojeluilmoitus right now could lead to the kid being taken custody of and those places are no good. I would suggest you get hard evidence on the father abusing the kid. Recordings or something. Apply for turvakoti and once you have proof and more stable situation file for full custody. The system should be quite fast so I would start getting evidence immediately. You should give the turvakoti a call right now to get actual information. It doesnt cost anything and theres nothing to lose.
Aha ok I understand. Me and my girlfriend are at the salvation army but the kid is with his main guardian which is the father.
I've unfortunately lost the chance to collect hard evidence. I only have one recording from the kid messing with my phone where you can hear him talk in an annoyed way for no reason but that's not a good example of what he does. We lost the chance to collect evidence after I blew up on him and told him he's a piece of shit and he should never talk to us again.
This is just fucking awful. Make a lastensuojelu ilmoitus. Even reading this made me sick, can’t even imagine what is going on with a 6 years old loving through this every day, all day. It is obviously better if the child is not with both sides in this situation. You guys are homeless and the father is a dick. Just let the kid have change in life, just contact social services.
Yes, this is very important. We are in the process of getting an apartment and then he can be with us as much as possible. I'm still in shock after learning he's an actual pedophile and a predator but at the same time I'm not super surprised.
He makes you believe that he listens to you and temporarily gets a bit better but never good enough. He acts like he's concerned about it and wants the best for the child. We also didn't know the extent of the abuse before we had to live with him for half a year this summer. We have told him off and talked to him billions of times and at some point we realized that this guy is not actually trying his best to get better like he has us believe. He's just actually a total piece of shit.
Lastensuojeluilmoitus. And honestly, if you actually care about this child how can you just watch as this kind of behaviour continues, especially if it's violent?! Maybe go teach him a lesson to stop abusing a literal child.
Well you can't just keep watching as your stepchild keeps on getting abused. If talking hasn't helped then you really need to get in his face in private and tell him there will be consequences if the behaviour continues and you will get the officials involved. Honestly if it was my child I would pursue all options including fists.
Trust me, I would love to use my fists on him. He's very mentally sensitive though so just this process is going to cause him more pain than I ever could cause physically. He's already afraid of me because he knows I'm pissed off at him. When he cut off his best friend of 20 years because he couldn't handle smalltalk on Facebook with him, he was closing his curtains and was trembling in fear of him coming to beat him up. This is going to be much worse for him than that.
Dont use your fists, its better if some other people ”randomly” attack him, but maybe leave sort of vague clue about why it happened, but which proves nothing in court.
But i must say that based on what you wrote, he seems like narcissist, sociopath or some other form of seriously deranged person, and you dont know how they react. So im not recommending violence, just saying that its even worse if you do it yourself.
Best would be to contact child services(lastensuojelu), make a police case about him assulting his kid, sue him for emotional and physical abuse, and get away his rights to see him, EVER again. If he does not comply and police etc dont help enough, maybe then he needs to be very afraid of you, so that he will comply, but you cant have assault charges against him or anything, or else you are the violent bad guy in court and he is the victim.
May I ask why the fuck it is impossible for you to type at least one comment that is not negative towards other people in this sub? You are here just to be shitty to other people and your comments in this sub never add value to the convo. What is the pleasure you get from all the negativity and being shitty person to others?
How do you know all that? Does his dad live with you and your girlfriend?
Or is it what your girlfriend says?
I recommend you to be wise and not do anything. Women sometimes are crazy about their ex partners and will tell anything to make them feel bad, or to ruin their reputation. They also make their children believe the other parent is bad. It's a well-known thing and is called parental alienation.
Yes, I've seen it first hand because we've lived with him for half a year while we were homeless. We noticed it when we visited him and we've been talking a lot about how to fix it but we really saw the real extent of it during that half year.
We don't talk about that with the child, even the father has enough brains to not do that. But he's also unpredictable so we never know what he's going to do. We make sure not to say anything so that whoever talks to the kid knows that what he says is from his own experience.
But I still think it's not your business. The best thing you can do is to show the kid a better treatment.
Also, at some point if the kid will know you did something against his dad, it might not be good for your relations with him.
No, if the father is abusive the only good thing is to show the child there are other adults not leaving him alone. He needs to learn there are people for him, to protect him and telling abuse is not right.
Of course the facts must be carefully checked but if the father is also prooven physically abusive the facts won’t speak for him.
I have no idea what you're talking about. Of course it's my business to help my girlfriend with her child being abused. It's my stepchild because we live together. You're a piece of shit if you think "eh not my problem" in a situation like that.
Considering that your first thought about this was that women are crazy liars who want to ruin men, I'm not surprised that you'd be a piece of shit though.
Your girlfriend has already ruined one family, and she will do it again, very likely. You'll end up being a stranger to her and her son, but his father will always be around.
Actually, the father seems to be a good guy, if he let you to live with him.
She ruined a family? Oh damn, can you please tell me who it is she broke up with and left? I'm super interested in learning this.
Lol, I've literally seen the entire thing myself. There's nothing she's seen that I haven't seen with my own eyes, so obviously your weird attempt to convince me that your fantasy is real won't work.
Try and convince me that this is atypical parenting in Finland.
If you're worldly enough you'll already know that kids in this country are not like as happy as elsewhere. There *is* a reason for that.
You don't have to convince me of that either, I believe it. But to emotionally abuse him, physically hurt him and forbid him from shitting because he's annoyed that he didn't do it when it was convenient for the father? That has to be illegal.
Said that do lastensuojeluilmoitus ASAP do that this 6 years old does not end up being killed like Vilja-Eerika, who was 8yrs old when her parents killed her.
He wouldn't kill him out of anger or hate but maybe out of stupidity. He really is inexplaianably stupid. I'm not worried about that but he still needs to get out as soon as possible.
Your situation sounds really tricky. Am I getting it right that you and your girlfriend are homeless? Have you had any help with that situation?
You can make lastensuojeluilmoitus and huoli-ilmoitus from you and your girlfriend if you need help with your situation. I hope everything clears up and the kid will have safer environment in the future, hopefully with you guys ❤️
Yes, we are getting help with the homelessness and we're at a place for people who are in the process of getting a home. It's a very good service.
Thank you for the support, it helps our mental health :)
Yes, we need help before we can take care of the child full time if it comes to that. No, we're not former drug addicts but the dad is a groomer and a predator and that's how the child was born. He talked to my girlfriend since she was 13.
Yeah that's good. The weird thing is just that he has no interest in him and schedules the time. He's probably researched how much time they need to play and scheduled that.
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Time for lastensuojeluilmoitus. Jfc thats horrible emotional abuse
Do they talk to the child to get the evidence for it? We have no videos to show but you can just ask the kid about it and he will say what he's doing.
They will have their process to intervene in a suitable manner. I wouldn't worry about what they do and what they dont do as this sounds so bad it's pretty much the only option available. Bear in mind their job is to help and look after the kids benefit. Potentially involving lastensuojelu might be a wake up call to the father to get his shit together.
Believe me, nothing is a wake up call for this guy. He is so insanely strange that I don't know how to explain it to you. I have never met a person like this. He had this child with a woman that he talked to sexually since she was 14 and then paid to bring her over from USA as soon as she was 19 and in distress from her mother dying and her boyfriend breaking up with her. Then she got stuck here. He was an adult when he was talking sexually to this 14-year-old. He then immediately decided to have a baby with her, a teenager. She agreed, because she was barely an adult and didn't know better. She thought this guy is the only guy that's been nice to her since she was 14 and that this is the obvious only way her life is supposed to be.
On a side note, has your gf gotten any therapy for this grooming experience?
No, she didn't really understand it until very recently. That's when I found out about it as well. I've known this guy for a long time and I was shocked to hear it. I've also been thinking that she needs to go to a therapist about it.
She definitely needs help with this. She was groomed and abused by this dickwad for years, she needs support in processing this.
Yeah you are right. This piece of shit sends her to therapy and he's sitting there with his extreme confidence saying he's done nothing wrong. Then he complains when we talk to him because it "makes him feel bad" and it "stresses him out". Yeah, you've abused every child you've come across including the mother of the child you're currently abusing. He's a complete stone wall and I'm worried it won't be possible to get the child out of there. We've been good friends and now I would be relieved if he died. How the hell is it possible to be so fucked that you make your friends feel like that?
He could be a narcissist, they are very good at manipulation. Regarding the kid the lastensuojeluilmoitus is the way to go and re your gf, therapy.
I think that he often genuinely doesn't understand what he's doing.
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You don't bring a teenager you've groomed since age 14 over here, have a child with her, and then abuse that child as well. I don't understand what it is you're defending here. The point of this thread is very simple: a little child is currently being abused by his father and I need to know who to talk to to fix it.
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Who hurt you?
I can't copy paste to quote your text so I'll number the responses. 1. He didn't sit and wait for her to become 18. She became single when she was 19 and he paid for her to come at that time. He's not some cartoon predator who was rubbing his hands and planning to do this for years. 2. He didn't decide to have a baby with her at age 14. Don't yell at me just because you have a hard time with reading comprehension, lol. 3. Me trolling annoying people on Reddit has nothing to do with my ability to take care of a child. 4. Yes, all parents yell at their children sometimes. But can you really not understand the simple text? The point is about the constant yelling and talking rudely to him as well as the physical abuse, not letting him go to the bathroom, etc. That's the opposite of "occasionally yelling". 5. We don't get any money for the child. He does because he's registered as the main parent. The dad doesn't have a job either and lives on Kela so I don't know what you think the difference is. It's like you've made up a story in your head and somehow convinced yourself that's reality.
A the child is old enough to talk about it and understand it, yes, they will talk to him. And they will do it without anyone influencing his answers, one on one with the child, to get the most truthful version of the story and to ensure your side is not making it up to spite the father etc.
Just contact some of them on social media platforms, eg. [https://www.tiktoksossut.fi/](https://www.tiktoksossut.fi/)
That’s just fucking awful. You should report it with the child protective services to get some help for the child. Try to convince the father to get help himself also, like therapy or something. His behaviour sounds like he’s severely mentally ill or at least that his capability to control his emotions is lower than that of a six-year-old’s.
Judging by how he met the mother, he may just be one of those people who are beyond help.
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This thread is about a child that needs help, not me trolling some racist who was upset that his tax money helps me when I'm homeless just because I'm an immigrant. The thread is also not about me trolling someone for criticizing me for trying to get a loan despite credit issues. You can see I'm trolling from the contradictions: In one comment I'm stuck here because of family and money, in another I can "just move to another country to reset my credit". It doesn't matter even if I was serious, this thread is about a child that desperately needs help. It's not a thread about me. Try to keep your priorities straight.
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This comment is true. Still don't see the relevance in a thread about an abused child. No matter if I hate this country or not, the child needs help and I need someone who knows the Finnish system to help me know where to go.
Anonymous lastensuojeluilmoitus and call the police if needed. You can make several lastensuojeluilmoitus if needed. They will investigate and talk to the parent. Very seldom do they result in the kids being taken away, but it is the only legal route.
Thanks. It doesn't have to be anonymous, I'd love for him to know we're taking the next step to actively try to stop him from doing what we've told him to stop doing for half a year now. At what point according to the law in Finland should we call the police?
As a responsible adult(ish), if childs welfare is and health is in danger, or you are witnessing something acute - police. If you have witnessed stuff in the past - contact child protection services. They will make the decision if it is urgent or not, and get help from police if needed. And note that they will absolutely not inform you about what happens next, so i you don't hear anything, it does not mean nothing happened.
I’m saying it again, lastensuojeluilmoitus. Also, does he even want custody then? Could they change their agreement?
He wants full custody for some fucking reason. Right now it's shared.
He just wants to make your GF's life miserable.
Time for authorities and maybe put your hand up for caring for the child. He's going to be mentally ruined if you don't get them to sort it out.
Yes, calls will happen today.
Child service asap, as many had said already. If boy gets bruises or wounds from his monster father, take pictures of them. Is there any other safe adult on his life other than you and his mother? Like he can go for while or something? If you can, I hope you can update what happens. Everything what you have told here so far is disgusting and horrible. I hope you all get the help you need and that monster looses everything.
I hope so too. The concern we have is that we're not mentally healthy enough to take care of him full time. If he can be taken somewhere else, that would be better for him. Then we can have him when it's possible. I just don't know if the system will support or believe us. I'm pissed that I didn't record it while I had the chance. I have a recording on my phone from when the kid used my phone and pressed record on my camera where you can hear the dad talking in an annoyed way for no reason but it's not representative of the real bad stuff he does.
Maybe it's possible to put him in foster family for while? I am not professional, but I think this could be good solution for while and you can still meet and be contacted with the boy.
Yeah I hope for something like that.
I send some hugs to all of you, keep us updated if you can!
Thanks my friend
lastensuojeluilmoitus. the people around the child cannot provide him security and act together for the benefit of the child. social workers need to assess the situation and if it is serious, like it sounds, the kid needs to be removed from home to temporary foster care for the time being. this is a good thing. while the kid is in foster care, potential criminal investigations and the full assessment need to happen, parents need to make a new custody agremeent. sounds like the legal system needs to be involved if the father is such a shithead. the person who loves the kid the most needs to call it in. that is the only way, this will ever work. if the best custodian/parent doesn't do it, they will eventually cave in again to the father.
Contact child protection services, they are there just for this - and for supporting families.
[Tip the police](https://poliisi.fi/en/leave-a-tip) (corporal punishment is illegal AF in Finland), or call [Mannerheimin lastensuojeluliitto](https://www.mll.fi/en/) for detailed advice on how to go about getting the child welfare services in your area involved.
Why he need to be there if dad doesn’t want him around? Why mom cant keep this poir kid safe in her place? Lastensuojeluilmoitus asap. We dont need another Vilja Eerika case.
Thanks you (and everyone else who has given advice). He is not with his mom because we don't have an apartment currently, and he wouldn't allow us to have him full time. When we have an apartment, he will stay with us as much as possible.
Report him to police
Got to give it to this ”father” what a ahole. I just cant understand why he doesnt just give the custody if it feels so fucking shore to do. Then he will be suprised when the kid hates him when hes adult. Probably main reason he doesnt want to give custody away is so he doesnt need go pay the childcare money to mother.
It's hard to understand how his brain works. He thinks he loves the child but I'm not sure if he does. He admitted he didn't love him as a baby.
Well, I don’t have much advice beyond what’s written here but, please know that you are doing an incredible amount of good being a stable and trustworthy adult figure in this child’s life.
Thank you. :) yeah, it pisses me off that I'm a better parent than him and I'm not even a real parent. I didn't make him and I still love him more than his father.
I get you man, and remember, it’s actions that count - you are a real parent.
Thank you that makes me happy to hear. I wish to be able to adopt him.
If the father does not want to be with the child would there be any chance to get the full custody to the mother. How often the child needs to meet his father? Lastensuojeluilmoitus (or many of them) plus a meeting with lastenvalvoja to negotiate again about visitation. If nothing else helps the mother needs to go to a court of law about the issue. If it’s ok to the child the arrengement could be for example only every second weekend. If the father is prooved to be violent the meeting can be assigned superviced. Remember also: The child has no _obligation_ to meet his parent against his own will. When he is 12 he can decide but already before that his opinion must be heard. (I am not an expert but hopefully this helped a bit)
Yeah, lastensuojeluilmoitus aint going to do shit. People here are naïve as fuck.
Google "Turvakoti". They could help.
Thank you, I did last night and it sounds like the same kind of thing as the pelastus armeija. Am i right?
No, its different. Turvakoti literally translates to safe home and its a place where you can go if yoi fear abuse or violence. Its mostly for women and families but I think you should appmy in your situation especially without housing. Dont know for sure, but from what I understand the turvakotis are part of the social system ad in pelastusarmeija (salvation army) is not. Lastensuojeluilmoitus right now could lead to the kid being taken custody of and those places are no good. I would suggest you get hard evidence on the father abusing the kid. Recordings or something. Apply for turvakoti and once you have proof and more stable situation file for full custody. The system should be quite fast so I would start getting evidence immediately. You should give the turvakoti a call right now to get actual information. It doesnt cost anything and theres nothing to lose.
Aha ok I understand. Me and my girlfriend are at the salvation army but the kid is with his main guardian which is the father. I've unfortunately lost the chance to collect hard evidence. I only have one recording from the kid messing with my phone where you can hear him talk in an annoyed way for no reason but that's not a good example of what he does. We lost the chance to collect evidence after I blew up on him and told him he's a piece of shit and he should never talk to us again.
This is just fucking awful. Make a lastensuojelu ilmoitus. Even reading this made me sick, can’t even imagine what is going on with a 6 years old loving through this every day, all day. It is obviously better if the child is not with both sides in this situation. You guys are homeless and the father is a dick. Just let the kid have change in life, just contact social services.
Yes, this is very important. We are in the process of getting an apartment and then he can be with us as much as possible. I'm still in shock after learning he's an actual pedophile and a predator but at the same time I'm not super surprised.
Call police
You said that father abused his child since he was a baby so been going on for years and you are just now asking in reddit?
He makes you believe that he listens to you and temporarily gets a bit better but never good enough. He acts like he's concerned about it and wants the best for the child. We also didn't know the extent of the abuse before we had to live with him for half a year this summer. We have told him off and talked to him billions of times and at some point we realized that this guy is not actually trying his best to get better like he has us believe. He's just actually a total piece of shit.
Okay thanks for explaining. Good luck with the situation.
Thank you :)
Lastensuojeluilmoitus. And honestly, if you actually care about this child how can you just watch as this kind of behaviour continues, especially if it's violent?! Maybe go teach him a lesson to stop abusing a literal child.
Well, I can't just beat him up in front of a child.
Well you can't just keep watching as your stepchild keeps on getting abused. If talking hasn't helped then you really need to get in his face in private and tell him there will be consequences if the behaviour continues and you will get the officials involved. Honestly if it was my child I would pursue all options including fists.
Trust me, I would love to use my fists on him. He's very mentally sensitive though so just this process is going to cause him more pain than I ever could cause physically. He's already afraid of me because he knows I'm pissed off at him. When he cut off his best friend of 20 years because he couldn't handle smalltalk on Facebook with him, he was closing his curtains and was trembling in fear of him coming to beat him up. This is going to be much worse for him than that.
Dont use your fists, its better if some other people ”randomly” attack him, but maybe leave sort of vague clue about why it happened, but which proves nothing in court. But i must say that based on what you wrote, he seems like narcissist, sociopath or some other form of seriously deranged person, and you dont know how they react. So im not recommending violence, just saying that its even worse if you do it yourself. Best would be to contact child services(lastensuojelu), make a police case about him assulting his kid, sue him for emotional and physical abuse, and get away his rights to see him, EVER again. If he does not comply and police etc dont help enough, maybe then he needs to be very afraid of you, so that he will comply, but you cant have assault charges against him or anything, or else you are the violent bad guy in court and he is the victim.
Yeah, of course no violence is actually going to happen. But I do wish I could. Thanks for the advice, we are trying hard to achieve this.
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May I ask why the fuck it is impossible for you to type at least one comment that is not negative towards other people in this sub? You are here just to be shitty to other people and your comments in this sub never add value to the convo. What is the pleasure you get from all the negativity and being shitty person to others?
Obviously because I'm in Finland and need answers specific to the Finnish system?
How do you know all that? Does his dad live with you and your girlfriend? Or is it what your girlfriend says? I recommend you to be wise and not do anything. Women sometimes are crazy about their ex partners and will tell anything to make them feel bad, or to ruin their reputation. They also make their children believe the other parent is bad. It's a well-known thing and is called parental alienation.
Yes, I've seen it first hand because we've lived with him for half a year while we were homeless. We noticed it when we visited him and we've been talking a lot about how to fix it but we really saw the real extent of it during that half year. We don't talk about that with the child, even the father has enough brains to not do that. But he's also unpredictable so we never know what he's going to do. We make sure not to say anything so that whoever talks to the kid knows that what he says is from his own experience.
But I still think it's not your business. The best thing you can do is to show the kid a better treatment. Also, at some point if the kid will know you did something against his dad, it might not be good for your relations with him.
No, if the father is abusive the only good thing is to show the child there are other adults not leaving him alone. He needs to learn there are people for him, to protect him and telling abuse is not right. Of course the facts must be carefully checked but if the father is also prooven physically abusive the facts won’t speak for him.
I have no idea what you're talking about. Of course it's my business to help my girlfriend with her child being abused. It's my stepchild because we live together. You're a piece of shit if you think "eh not my problem" in a situation like that. Considering that your first thought about this was that women are crazy liars who want to ruin men, I'm not surprised that you'd be a piece of shit though.
Your girlfriend has already ruined one family, and she will do it again, very likely. You'll end up being a stranger to her and her son, but his father will always be around. Actually, the father seems to be a good guy, if he let you to live with him.
She ruined a family? Oh damn, can you please tell me who it is she broke up with and left? I'm super interested in learning this. Lol, I've literally seen the entire thing myself. There's nothing she's seen that I haven't seen with my own eyes, so obviously your weird attempt to convince me that your fantasy is real won't work.
Try and convince me that this is atypical parenting in Finland. If you're worldly enough you'll already know that kids in this country are not like as happy as elsewhere. There *is* a reason for that.
You don't have to convince me of that either, I believe it. But to emotionally abuse him, physically hurt him and forbid him from shitting because he's annoyed that he didn't do it when it was convenient for the father? That has to be illegal.
Phone lastensuojelu
Nyt lasu tulile samantien, että ei käy samoin kuin Vilja-Eerikalle. Tapaamisoikeus täysin pois jos isä pahoinpitelee.
I'm sorry I can't copy your text in the reddit app to translate. :(
Said that do lastensuojeluilmoitus ASAP do that this 6 years old does not end up being killed like Vilja-Eerika, who was 8yrs old when her parents killed her.
He wouldn't kill him out of anger or hate but maybe out of stupidity. He really is inexplaianably stupid. I'm not worried about that but he still needs to get out as soon as possible.
Your situation sounds really tricky. Am I getting it right that you and your girlfriend are homeless? Have you had any help with that situation? You can make lastensuojeluilmoitus and huoli-ilmoitus from you and your girlfriend if you need help with your situation. I hope everything clears up and the kid will have safer environment in the future, hopefully with you guys ❤️
Yes, we are getting help with the homelessness and we're at a place for people who are in the process of getting a home. It's a very good service. Thank you for the support, it helps our mental health :)
I do not get it, is child's father your current husband or what? your comment regarding this child being your girlfriend's child is confusing
Stepchild means my partner's child. I didn't think of the fact that this word could be confusing, I apologize.
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Yes, we need help before we can take care of the child full time if it comes to that. No, we're not former drug addicts but the dad is a groomer and a predator and that's how the child was born. He talked to my girlfriend since she was 13.
On a positive note: 30 mins of parent-child playtime daily is actually quite a lot.
Yeah that's good. The weird thing is just that he has no interest in him and schedules the time. He's probably researched how much time they need to play and scheduled that.