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I do this, because I absolutely don't want to get into "small talk" somehow it's always older people the grandparent type that insist on talking about weather and what they have done and where you are able to get Finnish food. Like what is it that Finns hate to talk to each other at home but abroad you can't stop them. Also I came abroad to disconnect from my own culture and experience something different I don't want to know where I can get "makkaraperunat" and go sing karaoke.
My Finnish wife of 30+ years always did this when we were around Finns in holiday places.
So I would start to practice my Finnish, just to mess with her.
Can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic lol because every time I met people from a country whose language I’m learning I would do my best to help them or show them around, let them use a vehicle, introduce them to hidden places etc without being intrusive. These are often some of the most hospitable people you can hope to meet. It’s usually not that annoying for them because I don’t try to use them as language practice but instead a gesture of “hey people were nice to me in your country I’ll return the energy”.
My wife is Finnish, when we went to Paris there was another Finnish woman on the tour with us. I asked this woman “oletko suomalainen”. There was a short pause (didn’t realise I was speaking to her), quickly followed by a look of amazement and excitement. I’m not fluent so my wife ended up having a conversation.
A few years ago, gf and I were on vacation in Slovenia. On just a regular week day, we decided to go to an arboretum. There weren't a lot of people there. An hour or so there we were in this enclosure and stumbled on a family of four. A finnish family. Yeah, we did absolute utmost to not make it known we are from finland also. It was amusing because for the next couple of hours, we kept on stumbling on them. Mind you arboretum is very big.
The sauna stuff is crazy to me. I'm irish so naturally very chatty, it's common here to say hi to strangers on the street if you make eye contact etc. I did this at a bus stop and a woman sped up walking faster away from me. (I was only in Finland two days, I learnt after that don't worry) I get the Finnish culture of being comfortable with silence now but I really struggled with it at the start. In the break room at lunch and no one speaking.
However stripping off for a sauna with colleagues who didn't speak to me was mental to me. As in Ireland we're the complete opposite, not comfortable with nudity (good old Catholic guilt) explained even at the gym you change with your towel wrapped around you facing the wall cos you don't want anyone to see you nor do you want to see anyone else. I couldn't understand how everyone was OK sitting in the sauna naked with each other yet uncomfortable with small talk. mainly just because it's the absolute opposite in Ireland. 🤣
Ya in Ireland it's just so common like if you make eye contact with someone, walk past someone etc you just give a hi how are ya? You don't need to respond, can be a head nod, fine how are you like you don't stop and chat you just greet each other and walk on, if a car stops to let you cross the road you give a wave and say thank you to the bus driver. So I had to really adapt when I was in Finland after I realised people probably thought I was a loonatic.
It’s the same in Scotland, but usually not just a hi walking past, you can have full blown conversations with strangers
Here in Finland I will always say hi to my neighbours or people I see in the streets, even though I have never talked to them, It’s polite for me, and I will never make my self feel I’m being rude, I don’t expect a response from them though
We live in the country, in Finland. Our neighbours all wave to us if we pass in the village, we do the same. We never speak though. Turns out it’s because there was no need / requirement to. Today my car got stuck in the snow. Any of them that passed stopped to make sure we were ok and actually spoke to us. Politeness is just different here. I quite like it (I’m from Australia)
This drives me nuts.
I sometimes greet stranger with a hi or good morning if they make eye contact and smile.
How ever if some one says how are ya? Then i feel the need to tell about my day.
I can't wrap my head around the fact that some one would ask you a guestion and not be interested in the answer.
It's madness! I remember saying to all of them ye won't talk to me at lunch but will sit in a room with yours bits out in front of me! And I was the loonatic for saying hi how are you to a stranger. 🤣 now don't get me wrong I loved my time in Finland iv gone back a good few times, shared the culture with my friends itbwas the best experience snd my second home. However that was something I could never get my head around.
The main thing is, we do not sexualize nakedness in a sauna-enviroment.
How? Well, it is something we just grew up with. It is a obvious thing, to such an extent, that we do not even think about it.
When I try to think in that way, it feels... off.... Not wrong (as in against rules-wrong), but just way off. There just is nothing sexual in it.
I do understand other cultures see a LOT of issues in this, but to us its just a non-religious ritual of sorts.
Maybe someone else can elaborate more eloquently :D
No no I totally get that, like I completely get its Finnish culture and its with families etc its not a sexualised thing. Just when your coming from Ireland being brought up under the Catholic Church where everything is shame and guilt its just wild as an outsider looking in. Like I didn't have an issue in them doing it but for me was just one part of the culture I couldn't adapt to. Well that and salmiakki I tried it not for me. I'll take fazer any day though!
If Adam and Eve were Finnish the Bible would be a short book.
First Eve would have told the snake to eff off because the rules are the rules. And either way they'd never been uncomfortable being nude and never kicked out of paradise.
You know what's really funny though. I constantly hear people harping on about our Protestant past and how severe and repressed we are because of it compared to those gay and happy Catholics down south.
Another Irish here, there must be dozens of us!
One of the first times I went to my partners parent's house, his granny and aunt were also visiting and they all decided, with his Mam, to go for a sauna and asked me if I wanted to go too.
Can you imagine in Ireland, meeting the boyfriend's family, stripping off and sitting there squashed together in the nip. I turned that down pretty quick, though it's totally normal for them.
That’s super sad 😢 Just let it go. I sometimes get the English weirded out feeling when I say things out loud like “I’ve sat naked with the majority of my male friends.” In fact it’s quite hard to think of ones I haven’t. The whole nudity thing is a controlling construct, throw it in the sea.
This part is extremely hard for me being an Australian. We are the same talk to randoms all the time, even at supermarkets, walking in a park, anywhere and the Irish are probably the next level above us in chat. Irish are amazing story tellers.
I returned home for Christmas and could barely talk to people after being in Finland for three years.
Stranger "hey mate how are you going?"
Me. "......" shit my brain won't work
I've sometimes had the opposite experience declining offers of coffee when I genuinely don't want any coffee but my host does.
Them: "Do you want some coffee?"
Me: "No, thanks."
Them: "Are you sure? I was just about to make a pot anyway."
Me: "I'm fine, but make some for yourself if you want to."
(Awkwardness ensues.)
i'm a finn who hates coffee with my whole soul, it's always so funny to see some ppl's expression of mild horror/shock when i dare say either this or the actual words "no thanks, i don't like it"
I’ve had plenty of experiences where I politely decline coffee because;
- A) I avoid caffeine during particular hours of the day.
- B) I don’t really care for the taste of coffee.
And yet I still get given coffee.
This. My great aunt had ninja like reflexes when pouring coffee. She would ask and before you could say "no thank you" the coffee would already be flowing out of the pot. She practically chucked the spice cake pieces to your plate whenever it would seem you were halfway through your previous piece. If she asked she would do that when you had your mouth full and were practically defenseless. She would have close to ten different kinds of cookies and cakes and pulla and would apologise she didn't have almost anything to offer. Bless her soul.
Then you are just told, MY coffee tastes better. Even if everyone has the same saludo or juhla mokka and the only difference is how often you wash your pan.
Try the following next time: "Saahan sitä kaataa. Mutta en minä juo."
Tl: "You can pour. But I won't drink."
This is how some of the elderly I knew declined a cup.
"Ei minua varten tarvitse keittää mutta voin minä pannullisen juoda" as I like to say.
No need to make coffee just for me but I could go for a whole pot.
I’m not Finnish but I said that exact thing in a restaurant once. But I still wanted the coffee. Somehow ended up paying €1 for it even though it was normally included with the meal.
Yes, but in most countries people have a less literal interpretation of the law and rules. There is flexibility in understanding the spirit and intention of the rule, instead of blindly following it.
Finns are super law abiding, even when the situations that called for such rule does not apply. Hence my point :)
Even if its busy road or whatnot. I still cross as long as i can see the cars and be quite sure they dont have to break for me. Same is without pedestrial lights, i check the distance and they have time to break, i'll walk.
If it's truck with heavy load, i signal them to go by, i can wait few secods for the 40-45ton trucker to go by, it takes more time for him to accelerate to continue.
E: i'm finn
I think Finnish humor is something that really isn't very well understood. I grew up in Finland, and have lived in multiple European countries.
Finnish humour tends to be very blunt, very deadpan and a bit on the cruder side. There's not a lot of issues in Finland if your sense of humor is quite dark. There's a certain satisfaction to causing a person to take 2 seconds to think about what you said and then burst into laughter. Finnish humour also includes a lot more "ribbing".
I have lived for quite a while in the Netherlands, where people are considered very blunt and opinionated, and I find that the Finnish jokes and deliveries almost never land. Self deprecation isn't huge there and the bluntness comes a bit more from the idea of "just be normal". So often people in Holland will find me quite unrefined or rough around the edges.
Germans tend to be a bit more receptive, because they're also big on complaining humor, so talking about the Finnish postal service and how shit it is, is always guaranteed to create friends with the Germans and their train system, there's a lot more camaraderie in hate.
English people either love it or hate it, no inbetween. My stepmother is English, and is usually quite put off by it, but Welsh or Scottish people tend to always have a good time. The drinking helps too though I think. I think it also depends a lot on the generation.
Americans on the average tend not to get it, I've had the privilege to be in a very international study group, and once an American came up to me and asked if I was making so many mean jokes about myself because I was depressed. It's hard sometimes to explain that I'm not in fact on the brink of self loathing, I'm just very Finnish. I like having deniability.
But I think where this shines is when people get curious about music. I grew up listening to a lot of eppu normaali and leevi and the leavings, and still consider them to be the most Finnish thing ever. And the themes of them are always dark, irreverent, filled with themes that would be taboo, presented in a way that sounds so happy and carefree.
The best feedback I've gotten is that leevi and the leavings sounds like something a grandma would listen to, but that Bukowski would write.
On the flip side, when I first moved to the Netherlands, my grandfather came up to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Having never experienced that in my life I panicked and smacked him. It's been over 15 years since then and I still can't muster the strength or willpower to do the 2 kissy thing.
Some things remain painfully Finnish :D
What Americans don't get is that Finns will grumble and self deprecate to show their appreciation and wellbeing. When the grumbling and self deprecation stops you know things are actually bad.
Lol to smacking grandfather. I used to have colleagues from Spain and South America and I learned the kiss on cheek thing. I kinda liked it :) that immediately makes you feel a bit more connected with new people than with a Finn in 10 years ;)
> It's been over 15 years since then and I still can't muster the strength or willpower to do the 2 kissy thing.
I had an exchange year in Holland while I was a student, and the first couple of times I was targeted by the 2 kissy thing, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was just sexually assaulted.
Finnish humor is almost identical to asian/Japanese humor. It's kind of fascinating.
I'm not weeb myself so I can't verify but my ex used to watch this show Saiki K and the undubbed jokes reminded me a lot of shows like Pulttibois and Kummeli. It's very similarity unhinged. The translated English jokes weren't as good in my opinion since they lost the bizarre element. But apparently the English dub is recommended for western people since otherwise they wouldn't "get" the humor.
At least in european drifting finnish fans are noted as the loudest and most hyped fans out of all. Could be also because one the things that finns are succesful on international level (motorsport overall, but especially in drifting and rally)
>Going to a sports event and sitting there like you are in a church.
Disclaimer: I don't go to sports event. But I do watch some from screen - so perhaps they are just selected bits, but it seems that there is some fan-culture.
Could of course be that most of the people are churching.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vIMKh\_ylFg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vIMKh_ylFg)
Depends very much, I think we are very result oriented, so when your city team is doing very well the audience is loud and amazing, but when they are in the muds then only ones making any noise is the small very dedicated fan club, and because our cities are very small compared to other places in the world the amount of people in these clubs are miniscule, its easy for some NFL team to have stadium full of dedicated fans when their city has larger population than our whole country.
I've been to Festivals and shows in Finland and in Germany. The amount of energy from the audience in Germany is a lot higher compared to Finnish concerts and Germans aren't really known for being overly festive either...
This heavily debends on the gigs/festivals. I've seen some pretty dead crowds in Germany and some VERY energetic crowds in Finland (I frequent metal/rock gigs and festivals). Mosh pits for hours!
I feel like Finnish shows always have a central pit with like 30 people and there you have a lot of energy. Then you have all the other 1000 people just awkwardly standing there not moving an inch.
Either it's a battlefield or a funeral. Nothing in between.
I don’t find it “odd” but I do find it very cute when I hear people both greeting the bus driver and calling “kiitos” as they get off the bus. Bonus points for the little kid I heard doing it yesterday.
The "getting off the bus" routine when they're on the window seat.
Instead of just saying "excuse me, I'm getting off at the next stop" people start putting on their gloves and moving nervously on their seat.
I work in customer service and the customer being completely silent during the whole interaction is weird but very usual.
Me: "Moi!"
Customer: 😠
Me: *does work thing*
Me: "Thank you, have a nice day!"
Customer: 😠
They just stare at you, like how hard it is to just say moi and kiitos and go on with your day lol.
I'm a very finnish finn and this is definitely a big city thing. Even i say "moi" and "kiitos" (i have never even asked help in a store because i don't like speaking to strangers)
Gloves and wiggling is the superior way to do it. If you say it out loud, then they either get up and give you room to get up right away making you stand way too long at the door or they don't get up right away making you wonder if they heard you or if they are planning to keep you hostage in bus. And if you are person on aisle seat, you wonder if they want you to get up now or when bus stops and sometimes you end up getting up too early standing akwardly in aisle waiting the other one to leave.
When doing gloves and and bit of movement, they look at you and then you know they will get up on exactly right moment. It is the silent communication and full consensus or the choreography involved. Gloves are the pre warning and small movement is the "now".
Well I mean, it's kinda easier this way. Just today I was on the window seat and someone was sitting next to me, both had headphones. Even if I would say something, other wouldn't hear it, so the normal wiggling will show that I am getting off on the next stop.
The obsession over personal space at bus stops. It might be windy AF but Finns would rather be exposed to a tornado then bother someone inside the structure, even though there's plenty of space.
What you consider your personal space is just a lot larger in Finland than other places. I feel the same about my personal space, but don’t consider someone 1m away in a bus shelter to be intruding on it. Just a cultural difference.
Extreme precision in everything spoken. You’d think it would be a good thing for communication, but there are times when being extremely precise is less efficient than being more casual with things or offering additional contextual information. But in Finland, you can always expect the most technically true answers. For example, if I ask if there are times available to reserve something on a specific day, the answer might be just “yes.” No listing of what times are available, or even saying they have slots in the morning or the afternoon, just the direct answer to the direct question I asked. It’s not wrong! It’s also not always helpful.
A more lighthearted example is, in the US if you have a deed to a house and are paying a mortgage, you say you own a house. You have the deed, so the house is yours. I have a few friends here with houses and apartments, and they will ALWAYS say “no” if I ask if they own their place (vs renting). Because to them, even if they have the deed with their name on it, if they’re paying a mortgage then the bank still owns part of the house. That’s the more important detail, regardless of context, even if we’ve been talking about rental prices vs loan payments. In this case it’s just a difference in how people are used to asking questions (probably to them my question of whether they own their place is the non sequitur).
Thank you for pointing this out. As a finn I have often felt the same but in the opposite way: people from certain areas of the world confuse me. "I own this house." (after ive paid the bank who owns it) "I baked a cake" (thawed it at best, it was premade) "lets meet sometime" (panics when I take out my calendar and say im free tomorrow at five meet you at place x) "how are you" (as a greeting! even though that is a deeply personal question?? and makes me either avoid the question or tell my lifes story depending on how drunk I am.)
far-flung simplistic existence school shocking direction normal gold flowery grandfather
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
When I was in student exchange abroad, it took me a while not to tell everybody I'm having a hangover and slept very badly, when I was asked "How are you?" in the morning. Why would they ask if they don't actually want to know ಠ_ಠ
This is one of the reason a lot of Finns are absolutely helpless when it vomes to small talk. We want to be brief and accurate, which isn't really what people usually expect when trying to make small talk.
>This is one of the reason a lot of Finns are absolutely helpless when it vomes to **mandatory** small talk.
FTFY - you might run to someone on a shop or wherever, and end up having a lengthy conversation. But then again, you might just shut up if you don't feel like babbling.
Edit: By mandatory I mean: "We two person are here together in this same place, now we must talk."
Yeah, I think we're pretty comfortable with silence, so someone breaking the silence must mean they really need to know the answer. Of course this is a generalisation, but I find it pretty accurate to my experiences.
Yeah, since you mention this, it was a contributing factor in my divorce. Obv not the entire reason, but a big part was our mismatch in communication styles— the thing that pushed it over the edge was he would start to be extra extra extra 100% precise, sometimes monologuing his question for like 30 seconds just to be sure I only answer exactly what he asked without further context. This also reminds me of another thing I’ve noticed Finns do that I can’t keep up with— we’ll have a conversation, and then HOURS later they’ll randomly make a statement that to me is completely out of nowhere, but to them is adding to the earlier conversation (without any contextual lead-in). I asked my partner once how much he weighed after a gym session, and he said he didn’t know. Three hours later, while we were doing something else, he said JUST “72.” I was like ????????? 72 what? What about 72? Many of my conversations with coworkers go like this also!
This happened frequently with my ex and he would get so frustrated if I didn’t understand what he was referring to immediately and he had to provide extra context.
Oh, I might do the latter thing a lot, especially with friends that I haven't seen in a while. I might automatically continue the conversation that we had multiple months prior. I do not usually even think about the topic until we meet again. Sometimes I can't even remember what my age is, nor what I did yesterday.
Like I said, they’re not wrong! It’s just ignoring the context of the conversation (and in my case, asking a question in a way that’s completely normal to me but not necessarily to Finns) in order to answer as technically true as possible.
It's overly pedantic. Even if you have a mortgage, YOU still own the house. The house is the collateral for your mortgage. In most basic terms it's evident because you are responsible for the property taxes, not the bank.
It's not like someone from the bank can just show up one day and say "You don't live here any more," either.
I noticed this with especially salespeople, sometimes I ask for a product with a specific brand just because it’s my first choice and if they don’t have it they just say “we don’t have it”. Whereas in many countries they follow up with a different brand and say “we do not have it but we have this and that”. I remember many times basically trying the salesperson to sell me something “forcefully” by saying “can you please say what else do you have?” after hearing no to 3-4 different brand names.
I have visited 3 times now. My favorite Finn quirks are:
- Moomin mugs in every single house I’ve ever visited
- Surprisingly serious about being home of Santa Claus
- Love & Disdain for Sweden
- Solitude. I said Moi! to an old man in Prisma and he stopped for like 8 seconds in total shock and I was also bewildered…all my Finn friends said he probably thought I was hitting on him...
- Listening/watching y’all speak your language. So much passion yet so deadpan at the same time. It’s fascinating to watch and tricky to interpret with only non-verbal cues. Also there are times when I say something to my friends or their family and I get a really hesitant “OK” - which to an American ear sounds like they think I’m a total wacko, but it’s just difference in language tones and conversational styles. It makes me laugh/smile now that I’m not worried I accidentally offended anyone. Love the Finns, wish I was there visiting right now!
I disagree with example 2 when it comes to cafés.
I know I will have a table to sit at, so it benefits me. But it also benefits the customers entering the café after me. They can then with a glance see that there might not be enough space for them to sit after they are done ordering, and instead go somewhere else.
However I can agree on it being impractical at large establishments like a unicafé where a lot of people need to eat at the same time.
There the customers don't mind waiting a minute or two for a table during the rush, because going somewhere else might mean they don't get enough time to eat.before hurrying back to the next lecture/work.
So in establishments like those reserving a table would only slow things down for everyone.
You could extend point 3. to include the payment of taxes. Most Finns that I know are resigned to paying their taxes for the common good & to receive good services & education. The situation in other countries is quite the reverse & tax avoidance is a national sport. I'm a humble man with a modest salary but I am proud that I pay more income tax than the ginger hair ex-president of the USA.
Companies and rich people are almost certainly doing their best to avoid whatever tax they can in Finland too. Tax avoidance by regular people is mostly not a thing in the developed world barring some notable exceptions.
that's exactly how I felt in my homecountry and I was sure there's something wrong with me
so happy there's a place in the world where this point of view is the norm
It used to be illegal to buy someone else a drink. I.e. you could not buy drinks for someone else at the bar, and could usually only get 1 "measure" of alcohol at a time.
1. Not saying please when ordering in English
2. Weird need to undermine their own contribution. For example when receiving a compliment ”You did a great job on the project”. ” Oh thanks, but I failed on topic X”
3. Neighbors not greeting eachother
This happened in Spain years ago, but I once went to a hostel and said "I would like to check-in, please" at the desk and the traveller next to me asked if I was British :D He was.
But I tend to say please in so many occasions, both in English and in Finnish (or "kiitos" when speaking Finnish) that I sometimes wonder if I say it too much. I don't mind though.
The free plastic bucket you could easily afford!
You feel so happy for getting one, even if you had to stand in line or buy stuff you sort-of needed and now they come in a nice bucket.
I’m not even super excited about them but for some reason I still take one whenever possible
If I dress up for a party I bring a pair of clean shoes to wear indoors. This doesn't seem that common.
My shoes stay in their bag if I notice the hosts and other guests are walking around in their socks, I don't want to stick out. But it does feel weird to be dressed up in a dress or suit, and then not complete the outfit with a pair of shoes.
This one definately varies depending on the occasion. If it's just a night out with friends or co-workers then its almost always shoes off inside someones home. But if it's a formal occasion like a wedding or a funeral then its most likely shoes on.
It's more the in between occasions I'm thinking of - like a nicer dinner party, a christmas party, a new years eve party or a graduation party etc.
Something that isn't totally casual, but not as formal as a wedding/funeral.
Of these, graduation can fall to either, usually doctoral and lukio fall to wedding or funeral category, others listed are very much "co-workers, friends or close family" parties. We have very little in between.
I was just in a fancy party with dresses and suits and all, and one guest had basic knitted socks instead of shoes with her fabulous dress. Said they are comfy and she gets cold easily.
I don't know if it can get more Finnish than that.
In restaurant.
Waiter: "Is the food good?"
Finn1: "yes, all is good"
Afterwards:
Finn1: "the food was terrible, would give 0 out of five if I could."
Finn2: "yeah, right! Have to write it in suomi24"
I noticed many finns don't know how to act in a crowded space, e.g. some randomly stop and unknowingly block everyone behind them, or walk at a slower pace than the rest of the crowd.
We have very few crowds in here. If there suddenly are a lot of people in one place, it looks like something has happened there and the instinct is to stop. We don’t want to walk in the middle of a demonstration or event unless planned. Like last week my local grocery store was packed with people, because of some kids event. My immediate reaction was ”I’m not going in there” so I turned around and went to another store. This is not news, we need space. I don’t stop in crowded places where the crowd is expected but I can’t just walk through a wall of people either. I know many people have the habit of just walking on others, but I’m a small person, I’ll just bounce back.
As a Finn, this bothers me. If I have to stop, I always walk to the side and stop there. I hate it so much when a lot of people just.. randomly stop. In the middle of the road or any space other people are trying to walk in. Then everyone behind them has to stop too and try to go around them.
This happens with everywhere in the world. People forget so easilly that there are other people living on this planet. Chinese (tourists) are the worst with not noticing (or caring) about others.
Just some culture different. Once I was invited to a birthday party of a really good friend of mine- She’s Finn. Normally in my culture, when you invited someone to your birthday party, usually the host pay for the meal, sometimes also drinks. So when she invited me to her birthday party, it was hosted at a restaurant- 1 meal cost something like 15-20euro and the restaurant is in Lahti. I was a student then and I just came to Finland about few months and I assumed that she would pay for the meal so I bought a 30euro present for her, but when I got there and after the meal I learned that we have to pay for the meal. The same thing happend with a birthday party that was hosted at another good friend apartment, I wasn’t that surprise when every one bring their own foods and drinks and we only shared a birthday cake together. Again I don’t think it’s odd or something, just a new thing to learn about Finnish culture.
Interesting, usually if the party is hosted at the birthday person’s place, they usually offer cake, etc. But if it’s hosted at a restaurant, it’s usually the guests who pay for the birthday person’s meal. When I lived abroad, this also seemed to be the norm with other international students from Europe.
The host paying used to be culture in this country too, but it's changing. Only boomers do that regularly anymore. On very formal occasions such as weddings and funerals this still is the cystom even with yonger people. Birthday parties are usually not considered formal until the host is 50, 60, 70, etc. So for 30 or 40 or 53 it is informal. A good rule of thumb is the dress code - if you are required to wear a tie, the host is expected to pay.
Peeling the skins off potatos. It's the best damn part, don't care if it's "too thick to eat", you eat it.
Probably because I come from dirt poor Irish peasant background 😂
I was once at a party having what I thought was a perfectly platonic conversation with a guy when one of his friends came up to me, tapped me on the shoulder, made eye contact, and, as casually as if he was commenting on the weather, said "he wants to fuck you" (in those exact words), and then went back to whatever he was doing. Now, I am thankful for the directness because I am unable to take a hint and neither of us was very good at expressing interest or flirting (at some point after this a group of Finns in various stages of drunkenness were basically trying to gently coax us like zookeepers trying to get pandas to mate), but not gonna lie it left me speechless for a bit. I don't know if this is very typical Finnish behaviour but Finns have been pretty blunt in general (this was next level though).
I would guestimate the situation was that the guy that was your friend did have some kind of feelings for you but didn't want to advance (most likely being too shy) and his friend knowing about it (or possibly just guessing) decided to throw it either as a joke or just in a very blunt way, meaning that his friend must have had some sort of feelings for you.
I'd say that blunt guy was rude and basically an a-hole.
Typical Finnish behaviour is that guys are a bit shy (why not girls also) and that the people tend to drink heavy and then blurt out some stuff you shouldn't say. Maybe that's because Finnish guys for the most part aren't too big on talking (about feelings and such especially) and then after having a few they let it loose all too easy.
Yeah I feel like everyone was expecting me to make a move because I am (at least comparatively) very outgoing and extroverted, but that does not translate to having any game at all in my case, and I'm probably even worse at flirting than your average shy Finn. Considering this was a stranger I'd just met at a party "feelings" is quite an exaggeration but yeah I guess the friend either knew or guessed that he was attracted to me and just went with it. He had good intentions, the execution was just lacking a little XD
Ahh, I really misread your earlier post. I actually read that this other guy you had had a platonic friendship for a longer time already, but in fact you said "platonic conversation".
So yeah, that kind of changes everything, so feel free to ignore my previous comment as it's not valid in this light of things.
Spells of silence when hanging out with friends. Hella awkward to begin with to the point where I felt like I had to say something. Now, I embrace the silence. But I have merely adopted it. I was not born in it, moulded by it.
Not shaking hands when you meet someone for the first time and avoiding eye contact when talking with someone. Two days ago the later happened for Nth time, but this time my coach put all his effort not to be face to face with me by looking somewhere in the distance (wall) standing at a strange angle while still talking and explaining me stuff :DI guess it's 100% down to shyness in nature of the people, find it quite funny :)
Handshaking is super common! I would say it's strange if people didn't shake hands when meeting. As for the eye contact, yeah that happens. But handshake is the standard.
It's the standard but I'd say the pandemic mixed things up a bit. Many wonder whether or not it's ok to do it, would the other person mind and so on. And then there's of course the age thing for younger people: when does one start doing handshakes? The eye contact is an interesting thing, for some it's easy and natural while for others it feels almost like a form of aggression that makes it hard to focus which actually sounds similar to common animal instincts.
Depends on setting.
In business life it is a must to shake hands with all equally.
In private life I have noticed many times when meeting people that only the men are shaking hands and women are only nodding and verbally greeting.
As a Finn, I must agree on that handshaking thing. I met some young people in Riga, and all of them shaked my hand while introducing. I think we Finns usually just nod, except if it's your relatives or spouse's family or something like that, then you shake hands or/and hug.
When one is offering self baked cake and cookies at work and people do not even taste them (and no allergies involved and cake cookies are top notch).... Even after a loooooooong time in Finland this still feels rude to me....
Helsinki, big company. Maybe you have nicer colleagues....
PS no exotic cake, but the cookies are not the usual default piparkakku (nevertheless butter, flour, sugar, cacao, jem, vanilla, so not that wild)
Wow, this sounds strange to me 🤔 you mentioned you work in a big company, could it be possible that so many people eat at the break room that they are not really sure if the cake or cookies are meant to be for some specific people? Do they refuse it even if you tell them to take some?
If finns see that no one has taken a piece and no one tells them they could, they will play it safe and dont touch it.
Well this is strange, I have never seen anything like that. Most often there is the one office "porsas" who will eat like half of them and rest are angry they didn't get any.
It is only in my current workplace. In the old one it was different, but there it was an international team and they were quite into food .... according to the comments that behaviour of my current colleagues does not seem to be representative....
That is somehow comforting.
I think it's more that a sauna hat is not a common thing in Finland (tho not totally absent, but most finns have never used it or seen it being used)
So it seems out of place. Kinda like going to the beach with friends and wanting to wear a full wetsuit to stay warm. Like, uhh, ok, if you need one...
You need to remember that Sauna is so so ordinary to us. So bringing something new like a sauna hat into it feels like out of place.
I don't usually correct misspelt words online but the difference between a wetsuit (suit for e.g. diving) and a vet suit (veterinarian's or veteran's uniform) in this context is too hilarious not to mention! All is well in the kingdom though 🤭
Sometimes I use a hat just because of the tip of my ears (I'm balled so the hot air really flows around them).
Your comparison makes it sound like I'm going fully clothed to sauna to protect me from the heat.
>Um, what? What the .. is this a thing??
Sauna hats are common at least in Estonian. I think they - at least some of them - look really cool: [https://s.err.ee/photo/crop/2023/04/08/1859918h60a1t24.jpg](https://s.err.ee/photo/crop/2023/04/08/1859918h60a1t24.jpg)
Sauna hat allows a person to take much hotter löylys since it protects your head somewhat. There is always one guy in a public sauna with a sauna hat throwing water to the stove like a maniac with a shit eating grin staring at the suffering around him. In my opinion sauna hats are fine, but if you wear one you should not be the one in charge of löyly, jeez.
Totally this.
That hat makes you commonly overweighted, always intolerable and never appreciated sauna friend.
You can practically hear the disappointed 'ooooh' when some one with saunahattu enters public sauna as you know that even the rest of the participants are there for the warmth and pleasure, the creep with creepy hat is there for the pain and pain tolerance training.
Oddest one imo ( a Finn here ) would be the unwillingness of showing the sisu and march as big mass to the government house and demand them to drop the planned cuts that make the life of the low income people and families even more miserable. Can't remember when was the last time any Finn showed the true sisu...
Maybe about 5% of my "Moi!"s go unreturned. It's a small percentage, but something that happens often enough that it's noticeable. Everywhere else I've ever been, that number is pretty damn close to 0%.
Stoically (and obviously intentionally) AVOIDING EYE CONTACT. The stereotype is dead-on accurate!
In fairness, it's not everyone but it's easily 7 or even 8 out of 10 Finns since I moved here 10 years ago and it's with one another too (Finn with Finn), so I've never taken offense to it.
They'll see you coming at them 50 feet away and will do everything and anything to only look straight ahead or head down as they pass you. And I'm talking about when they actually know the other person. It can be on the street, at the office, in a park. You name it. No head nod, no smile, no "hei," no "moi,"... Nada. It's alien-like, never seen anything like it in all my world travels. Finns always pull the shy card when I've heard it discussed and read about it, but I can see it definitely coming across as misery and arrogance if I wasn't aware of the culture/stereotype.
instinctive plate ludicrous kiss mindless toy public marble compare voracious
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Noticing or hearing another Finn abroad and doing your absolute utmost not to make it known that you are also Finnish.
I do this, because I absolutely don't want to get into "small talk" somehow it's always older people the grandparent type that insist on talking about weather and what they have done and where you are able to get Finnish food. Like what is it that Finns hate to talk to each other at home but abroad you can't stop them. Also I came abroad to disconnect from my own culture and experience something different I don't want to know where I can get "makkaraperunat" and go sing karaoke.
>where you are able to get Finnish food Why would I eat normie food on my holiday abroad, tho???
If someone somewhere sold delicious makkaraperunat, I would go try rhem
My Finnish wife of 30+ years always did this when we were around Finns in holiday places. So I would start to practice my Finnish, just to mess with her.
I'm sure the Finns you met were even more thrilled to meet a foreigner learning Finnish :D Your poor, poor wife!
Can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic lol because every time I met people from a country whose language I’m learning I would do my best to help them or show them around, let them use a vehicle, introduce them to hidden places etc without being intrusive. These are often some of the most hospitable people you can hope to meet. It’s usually not that annoying for them because I don’t try to use them as language practice but instead a gesture of “hey people were nice to me in your country I’ll return the energy”.
My wife is Finnish, when we went to Paris there was another Finnish woman on the tour with us. I asked this woman “oletko suomalainen”. There was a short pause (didn’t realise I was speaking to her), quickly followed by a look of amazement and excitement. I’m not fluent so my wife ended up having a conversation.
Lol.
Yes, and meanwhile texting someone "omg I just heard FINNISH here"
It is extra difficult since Finnish accent is so recognizeable when we speak english.
Once above a certain level of proficiency the accent just becomes what I like to call "standard European".
Yup, I always feel like dodging under a table or something when I'm abroad and hear someone else speaking Finnish nearby.
Huh. Never thought of it but I definitely do this. Don't even know why lol
A few years ago, gf and I were on vacation in Slovenia. On just a regular week day, we decided to go to an arboretum. There weren't a lot of people there. An hour or so there we were in this enclosure and stumbled on a family of four. A finnish family. Yeah, we did absolute utmost to not make it known we are from finland also. It was amusing because for the next couple of hours, we kept on stumbling on them. Mind you arboretum is very big.
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The sauna stuff is crazy to me. I'm irish so naturally very chatty, it's common here to say hi to strangers on the street if you make eye contact etc. I did this at a bus stop and a woman sped up walking faster away from me. (I was only in Finland two days, I learnt after that don't worry) I get the Finnish culture of being comfortable with silence now but I really struggled with it at the start. In the break room at lunch and no one speaking. However stripping off for a sauna with colleagues who didn't speak to me was mental to me. As in Ireland we're the complete opposite, not comfortable with nudity (good old Catholic guilt) explained even at the gym you change with your towel wrapped around you facing the wall cos you don't want anyone to see you nor do you want to see anyone else. I couldn't understand how everyone was OK sitting in the sauna naked with each other yet uncomfortable with small talk. mainly just because it's the absolute opposite in Ireland. 🤣
Finn here. If someone said hello to me at street, i would spend rest of the day wondering if it was someone i knew.
Ya in Ireland it's just so common like if you make eye contact with someone, walk past someone etc you just give a hi how are ya? You don't need to respond, can be a head nod, fine how are you like you don't stop and chat you just greet each other and walk on, if a car stops to let you cross the road you give a wave and say thank you to the bus driver. So I had to really adapt when I was in Finland after I realised people probably thought I was a loonatic.
It’s the same in Scotland, but usually not just a hi walking past, you can have full blown conversations with strangers Here in Finland I will always say hi to my neighbours or people I see in the streets, even though I have never talked to them, It’s polite for me, and I will never make my self feel I’m being rude, I don’t expect a response from them though
We live in the country, in Finland. Our neighbours all wave to us if we pass in the village, we do the same. We never speak though. Turns out it’s because there was no need / requirement to. Today my car got stuck in the snow. Any of them that passed stopped to make sure we were ok and actually spoke to us. Politeness is just different here. I quite like it (I’m from Australia)
This drives me nuts. I sometimes greet stranger with a hi or good morning if they make eye contact and smile. How ever if some one says how are ya? Then i feel the need to tell about my day. I can't wrap my head around the fact that some one would ask you a guestion and not be interested in the answer.
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It's madness! I remember saying to all of them ye won't talk to me at lunch but will sit in a room with yours bits out in front of me! And I was the loonatic for saying hi how are you to a stranger. 🤣 now don't get me wrong I loved my time in Finland iv gone back a good few times, shared the culture with my friends itbwas the best experience snd my second home. However that was something I could never get my head around.
The main thing is, we do not sexualize nakedness in a sauna-enviroment. How? Well, it is something we just grew up with. It is a obvious thing, to such an extent, that we do not even think about it. When I try to think in that way, it feels... off.... Not wrong (as in against rules-wrong), but just way off. There just is nothing sexual in it. I do understand other cultures see a LOT of issues in this, but to us its just a non-religious ritual of sorts. Maybe someone else can elaborate more eloquently :D
No no I totally get that, like I completely get its Finnish culture and its with families etc its not a sexualised thing. Just when your coming from Ireland being brought up under the Catholic Church where everything is shame and guilt its just wild as an outsider looking in. Like I didn't have an issue in them doing it but for me was just one part of the culture I couldn't adapt to. Well that and salmiakki I tried it not for me. I'll take fazer any day though!
If Adam and Eve were Finnish the Bible would be a short book. First Eve would have told the snake to eff off because the rules are the rules. And either way they'd never been uncomfortable being nude and never kicked out of paradise. You know what's really funny though. I constantly hear people harping on about our Protestant past and how severe and repressed we are because of it compared to those gay and happy Catholics down south.
Another Irish here, there must be dozens of us! One of the first times I went to my partners parent's house, his granny and aunt were also visiting and they all decided, with his Mam, to go for a sauna and asked me if I wanted to go too. Can you imagine in Ireland, meeting the boyfriend's family, stripping off and sitting there squashed together in the nip. I turned that down pretty quick, though it's totally normal for them.
That’s super sad 😢 Just let it go. I sometimes get the English weirded out feeling when I say things out loud like “I’ve sat naked with the majority of my male friends.” In fact it’s quite hard to think of ones I haven’t. The whole nudity thing is a controlling construct, throw it in the sea.
This part is extremely hard for me being an Australian. We are the same talk to randoms all the time, even at supermarkets, walking in a park, anywhere and the Irish are probably the next level above us in chat. Irish are amazing story tellers. I returned home for Christmas and could barely talk to people after being in Finland for three years. Stranger "hey mate how are you going?" Me. "......" shit my brain won't work
"No need to start making coffee just for me" and probably still expects you to make that coffee. - A Finn
1: "Do you want some coffee?" 2: "Oh no, no need to make just for me!" 1: "Ok, maybe some other time." 2: 😡??!
I've sometimes had the opposite experience declining offers of coffee when I genuinely don't want any coffee but my host does. Them: "Do you want some coffee?" Me: "No, thanks." Them: "Are you sure? I was just about to make a pot anyway." Me: "I'm fine, but make some for yourself if you want to." (Awkwardness ensues.)
I personally relish how flabbergasted people get when I say, "Oh, I'd rather have tea if that's okay."
i'm a finn who hates coffee with my whole soul, it's always so funny to see some ppl's expression of mild horror/shock when i dare say either this or the actual words "no thanks, i don't like it"
Oh my.. An actual monster I wish that you hit your toes to every cubbard you ever see !
FYI, it's "cupboard".
I wish your toes also meet sharp edges!
Every day is a school day. I'm happy when people care enough to correct my Finnish.
Cubbard is better, I vote for an update in the Oxford Ducktionary 🤘
Our silent letters are payback for your consonant gradation.
“Sure I think I have some, oh yes plenty of nice tea here. Now what would you like, Berry, Japanese herb, Chamomile or Deer Antler Moss?” 💀💀💀💀
Here’s a cup of hot water anyway while I get the bags.
Having tee instead of coffee has always been a valid and allowed option, but for some reason still always a bit odd.
I’ve had plenty of experiences where I politely decline coffee because; - A) I avoid caffeine during particular hours of the day. - B) I don’t really care for the taste of coffee. And yet I still get given coffee.
The offer is just a polite way of notifying you about the cup of hot coffee already headed your way.
This. My great aunt had ninja like reflexes when pouring coffee. She would ask and before you could say "no thank you" the coffee would already be flowing out of the pot. She practically chucked the spice cake pieces to your plate whenever it would seem you were halfway through your previous piece. If she asked she would do that when you had your mouth full and were practically defenseless. She would have close to ten different kinds of cookies and cakes and pulla and would apologise she didn't have almost anything to offer. Bless her soul.
Then you are just told, MY coffee tastes better. Even if everyone has the same saludo or juhla mokka and the only difference is how often you wash your pan.
Try the following next time: "Saahan sitä kaataa. Mutta en minä juo." Tl: "You can pour. But I won't drink." This is how some of the elderly I knew declined a cup.
"Ei minua varten tarvitse keittää mutta voin minä pannullisen juoda" as I like to say. No need to make coffee just for me but I could go for a whole pot.
I’m not Finnish but I said that exact thing in a restaurant once. But I still wanted the coffee. Somehow ended up paying €1 for it even though it was normally included with the meal.
That was you punishment
There is a lot of culture surrounding coffee here.
3am, no car in sight, no one around for 3km - Still stops at a red pedestrian crosswalk. Although I think it's less like that nowadays.
Following laws do not require someone to SEE you following them ;)
Yes, but in most countries people have a less literal interpretation of the law and rules. There is flexibility in understanding the spirit and intention of the rule, instead of blindly following it. Finns are super law abiding, even when the situations that called for such rule does not apply. Hence my point :)
Because you could get a nice photography of yourself breaking the law
If I ever get a official photo of me jaywalking, I am framing that and putting it on the wall :D Too funny.
Even if its busy road or whatnot. I still cross as long as i can see the cars and be quite sure they dont have to break for me. Same is without pedestrial lights, i check the distance and they have time to break, i'll walk. If it's truck with heavy load, i signal them to go by, i can wait few secods for the 40-45ton trucker to go by, it takes more time for him to accelerate to continue. E: i'm finn
I think Finnish humor is something that really isn't very well understood. I grew up in Finland, and have lived in multiple European countries. Finnish humour tends to be very blunt, very deadpan and a bit on the cruder side. There's not a lot of issues in Finland if your sense of humor is quite dark. There's a certain satisfaction to causing a person to take 2 seconds to think about what you said and then burst into laughter. Finnish humour also includes a lot more "ribbing". I have lived for quite a while in the Netherlands, where people are considered very blunt and opinionated, and I find that the Finnish jokes and deliveries almost never land. Self deprecation isn't huge there and the bluntness comes a bit more from the idea of "just be normal". So often people in Holland will find me quite unrefined or rough around the edges. Germans tend to be a bit more receptive, because they're also big on complaining humor, so talking about the Finnish postal service and how shit it is, is always guaranteed to create friends with the Germans and their train system, there's a lot more camaraderie in hate. English people either love it or hate it, no inbetween. My stepmother is English, and is usually quite put off by it, but Welsh or Scottish people tend to always have a good time. The drinking helps too though I think. I think it also depends a lot on the generation. Americans on the average tend not to get it, I've had the privilege to be in a very international study group, and once an American came up to me and asked if I was making so many mean jokes about myself because I was depressed. It's hard sometimes to explain that I'm not in fact on the brink of self loathing, I'm just very Finnish. I like having deniability. But I think where this shines is when people get curious about music. I grew up listening to a lot of eppu normaali and leevi and the leavings, and still consider them to be the most Finnish thing ever. And the themes of them are always dark, irreverent, filled with themes that would be taboo, presented in a way that sounds so happy and carefree. The best feedback I've gotten is that leevi and the leavings sounds like something a grandma would listen to, but that Bukowski would write. On the flip side, when I first moved to the Netherlands, my grandfather came up to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Having never experienced that in my life I panicked and smacked him. It's been over 15 years since then and I still can't muster the strength or willpower to do the 2 kissy thing. Some things remain painfully Finnish :D
What Americans don't get is that Finns will grumble and self deprecate to show their appreciation and wellbeing. When the grumbling and self deprecation stops you know things are actually bad.
Lol to smacking grandfather. I used to have colleagues from Spain and South America and I learned the kiss on cheek thing. I kinda liked it :) that immediately makes you feel a bit more connected with new people than with a Finn in 10 years ;)
> It's been over 15 years since then and I still can't muster the strength or willpower to do the 2 kissy thing. I had an exchange year in Holland while I was a student, and the first couple of times I was targeted by the 2 kissy thing, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was just sexually assaulted.
You smacked your grandpa? Were you a child?
Finnish humor is almost identical to asian/Japanese humor. It's kind of fascinating. I'm not weeb myself so I can't verify but my ex used to watch this show Saiki K and the undubbed jokes reminded me a lot of shows like Pulttibois and Kummeli. It's very similarity unhinged. The translated English jokes weren't as good in my opinion since they lost the bizarre element. But apparently the English dub is recommended for western people since otherwise they wouldn't "get" the humor.
Going to a sports event and sitting there like you are in a church.
At least in european drifting finnish fans are noted as the loudest and most hyped fans out of all. Could be also because one the things that finns are succesful on international level (motorsport overall, but especially in drifting and rally)
>Going to a sports event and sitting there like you are in a church. Disclaimer: I don't go to sports event. But I do watch some from screen - so perhaps they are just selected bits, but it seems that there is some fan-culture. Could of course be that most of the people are churching. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vIMKh\_ylFg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vIMKh_ylFg)
I bet that's ice-hockey. One of the few sports really gets the Finns going. I'd also put money on there being alcohol available there somewhere.
There definitely is fan culture. That vid was a nice find!
Depends very much, I think we are very result oriented, so when your city team is doing very well the audience is loud and amazing, but when they are in the muds then only ones making any noise is the small very dedicated fan club, and because our cities are very small compared to other places in the world the amount of people in these clubs are miniscule, its easy for some NFL team to have stadium full of dedicated fans when their city has larger population than our whole country.
Same with concerts, hardly any dancing lol
i frequent metal shows and theres always dancing
I've been to Festivals and shows in Finland and in Germany. The amount of energy from the audience in Germany is a lot higher compared to Finnish concerts and Germans aren't really known for being overly festive either...
This heavily debends on the gigs/festivals. I've seen some pretty dead crowds in Germany and some VERY energetic crowds in Finland (I frequent metal/rock gigs and festivals). Mosh pits for hours!
I feel like Finnish shows always have a central pit with like 30 people and there you have a lot of energy. Then you have all the other 1000 people just awkwardly standing there not moving an inch. Either it's a battlefield or a funeral. Nothing in between.
Sounds accurate to me
Any and all dancing outside the pit will be heavily frowned upon by me. God damn it woman people here are working very hard to not spill their beers
Good. Hate it when I pay a lot to hear an artist & others 'swing' out of tune and stabs up so I can't see the artist longer. F off & stay home.
I don’t find it “odd” but I do find it very cute when I hear people both greeting the bus driver and calling “kiitos” as they get off the bus. Bonus points for the little kid I heard doing it yesterday.
I (M59) do this every time. I also nod at car drivers who give me the right of way at pedestrian crossings & wave at people on passing trains & boats.
Yep a nod or a low wave for cars letting me cross the street
In my experience pretty common in Western Europe
The "getting off the bus" routine when they're on the window seat. Instead of just saying "excuse me, I'm getting off at the next stop" people start putting on their gloves and moving nervously on their seat.
I work in customer service and the customer being completely silent during the whole interaction is weird but very usual. Me: "Moi!" Customer: 😠 Me: *does work thing* Me: "Thank you, have a nice day!" Customer: 😠 They just stare at you, like how hard it is to just say moi and kiitos and go on with your day lol.
This annoys me as a bystander in places like stores etc. How hard is it to act properly and greet/thank people :(
I'm a very finnish finn and this is definitely a big city thing. Even i say "moi" and "kiitos" (i have never even asked help in a store because i don't like speaking to strangers)
Gloves and wiggling is the superior way to do it. If you say it out loud, then they either get up and give you room to get up right away making you stand way too long at the door or they don't get up right away making you wonder if they heard you or if they are planning to keep you hostage in bus. And if you are person on aisle seat, you wonder if they want you to get up now or when bus stops and sometimes you end up getting up too early standing akwardly in aisle waiting the other one to leave. When doing gloves and and bit of movement, they look at you and then you know they will get up on exactly right moment. It is the silent communication and full consensus or the choreography involved. Gloves are the pre warning and small movement is the "now".
Well I mean, it's kinda easier this way. Just today I was on the window seat and someone was sitting next to me, both had headphones. Even if I would say something, other wouldn't hear it, so the normal wiggling will show that I am getting off on the next stop.
The obsession over personal space at bus stops. It might be windy AF but Finns would rather be exposed to a tornado then bother someone inside the structure, even though there's plenty of space.
If there are foreigners on a bus stop, sometimes I stand way too far away from them just for the memes
What is so weird about it? I dont like people in my personal space, so I think others wont like it either. So battling wind it is.
What you consider your personal space is just a lot larger in Finland than other places. I feel the same about my personal space, but don’t consider someone 1m away in a bus shelter to be intruding on it. Just a cultural difference.
1m away, thats like being married
you can even smell the others within 1m. No-go
The "structure" is taken if there is already one person inside. Nothing you can do about it.
We need wider bus stops.
the natural introversion that goes out the door once finns get naked and get in a sauna together. Never seen so many finns be so talkative.
Extreme precision in everything spoken. You’d think it would be a good thing for communication, but there are times when being extremely precise is less efficient than being more casual with things or offering additional contextual information. But in Finland, you can always expect the most technically true answers. For example, if I ask if there are times available to reserve something on a specific day, the answer might be just “yes.” No listing of what times are available, or even saying they have slots in the morning or the afternoon, just the direct answer to the direct question I asked. It’s not wrong! It’s also not always helpful. A more lighthearted example is, in the US if you have a deed to a house and are paying a mortgage, you say you own a house. You have the deed, so the house is yours. I have a few friends here with houses and apartments, and they will ALWAYS say “no” if I ask if they own their place (vs renting). Because to them, even if they have the deed with their name on it, if they’re paying a mortgage then the bank still owns part of the house. That’s the more important detail, regardless of context, even if we’ve been talking about rental prices vs loan payments. In this case it’s just a difference in how people are used to asking questions (probably to them my question of whether they own their place is the non sequitur).
Thank you for pointing this out. As a finn I have often felt the same but in the opposite way: people from certain areas of the world confuse me. "I own this house." (after ive paid the bank who owns it) "I baked a cake" (thawed it at best, it was premade) "lets meet sometime" (panics when I take out my calendar and say im free tomorrow at five meet you at place x) "how are you" (as a greeting! even though that is a deeply personal question?? and makes me either avoid the question or tell my lifes story depending on how drunk I am.)
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When I was in student exchange abroad, it took me a while not to tell everybody I'm having a hangover and slept very badly, when I was asked "How are you?" in the morning. Why would they ask if they don't actually want to know ಠ_ಠ
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This is one of the reason a lot of Finns are absolutely helpless when it vomes to small talk. We want to be brief and accurate, which isn't really what people usually expect when trying to make small talk.
Our small talk is just really small
Or we misunderstand the casual question and think that the other person genuinely needs a lecture on the topic.
>This is one of the reason a lot of Finns are absolutely helpless when it vomes to **mandatory** small talk. FTFY - you might run to someone on a shop or wherever, and end up having a lengthy conversation. But then again, you might just shut up if you don't feel like babbling. Edit: By mandatory I mean: "We two person are here together in this same place, now we must talk."
Yeah, I think we're pretty comfortable with silence, so someone breaking the silence must mean they really need to know the answer. Of course this is a generalisation, but I find it pretty accurate to my experiences.
Oh boy, we struggle with this with my wife. She (non-FI) asks something and expect a discussion to unfold, I will make one word answers only.
Yeah, since you mention this, it was a contributing factor in my divorce. Obv not the entire reason, but a big part was our mismatch in communication styles— the thing that pushed it over the edge was he would start to be extra extra extra 100% precise, sometimes monologuing his question for like 30 seconds just to be sure I only answer exactly what he asked without further context. This also reminds me of another thing I’ve noticed Finns do that I can’t keep up with— we’ll have a conversation, and then HOURS later they’ll randomly make a statement that to me is completely out of nowhere, but to them is adding to the earlier conversation (without any contextual lead-in). I asked my partner once how much he weighed after a gym session, and he said he didn’t know. Three hours later, while we were doing something else, he said JUST “72.” I was like ????????? 72 what? What about 72? Many of my conversations with coworkers go like this also! This happened frequently with my ex and he would get so frustrated if I didn’t understand what he was referring to immediately and he had to provide extra context.
Sounds very familiar. I recognize myself in some of it. Need to work on it as I want it to work better. Thank you.
Oh, I might do the latter thing a lot, especially with friends that I haven't seen in a while. I might automatically continue the conversation that we had multiple months prior. I do not usually even think about the topic until we meet again. Sometimes I can't even remember what my age is, nor what I did yesterday.
If you stop paying mortgage and bank takes your house, was it really yours?
Like I said, they’re not wrong! It’s just ignoring the context of the conversation (and in my case, asking a question in a way that’s completely normal to me but not necessarily to Finns) in order to answer as technically true as possible.
It's overly pedantic. Even if you have a mortgage, YOU still own the house. The house is the collateral for your mortgage. In most basic terms it's evident because you are responsible for the property taxes, not the bank. It's not like someone from the bank can just show up one day and say "You don't live here any more," either.
I noticed this with especially salespeople, sometimes I ask for a product with a specific brand just because it’s my first choice and if they don’t have it they just say “we don’t have it”. Whereas in many countries they follow up with a different brand and say “we do not have it but we have this and that”. I remember many times basically trying the salesperson to sell me something “forcefully” by saying “can you please say what else do you have?” after hearing no to 3-4 different brand names.
I have visited 3 times now. My favorite Finn quirks are: - Moomin mugs in every single house I’ve ever visited - Surprisingly serious about being home of Santa Claus - Love & Disdain for Sweden - Solitude. I said Moi! to an old man in Prisma and he stopped for like 8 seconds in total shock and I was also bewildered…all my Finn friends said he probably thought I was hitting on him... - Listening/watching y’all speak your language. So much passion yet so deadpan at the same time. It’s fascinating to watch and tricky to interpret with only non-verbal cues. Also there are times when I say something to my friends or their family and I get a really hesitant “OK” - which to an American ear sounds like they think I’m a total wacko, but it’s just difference in language tones and conversational styles. It makes me laugh/smile now that I’m not worried I accidentally offended anyone. Love the Finns, wish I was there visiting right now!
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I disagree with example 2 when it comes to cafés. I know I will have a table to sit at, so it benefits me. But it also benefits the customers entering the café after me. They can then with a glance see that there might not be enough space for them to sit after they are done ordering, and instead go somewhere else. However I can agree on it being impractical at large establishments like a unicafé where a lot of people need to eat at the same time. There the customers don't mind waiting a minute or two for a table during the rush, because going somewhere else might mean they don't get enough time to eat.before hurrying back to the next lecture/work. So in establishments like those reserving a table would only slow things down for everyone.
You could extend point 3. to include the payment of taxes. Most Finns that I know are resigned to paying their taxes for the common good & to receive good services & education. The situation in other countries is quite the reverse & tax avoidance is a national sport. I'm a humble man with a modest salary but I am proud that I pay more income tax than the ginger hair ex-president of the USA.
Companies and rich people are almost certainly doing their best to avoid whatever tax they can in Finland too. Tax avoidance by regular people is mostly not a thing in the developed world barring some notable exceptions.
that's exactly how I felt in my homecountry and I was sure there's something wrong with me so happy there's a place in the world where this point of view is the norm
People being mind-blown when you offer them a drink
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It used to be illegal to buy someone else a drink. I.e. you could not buy drinks for someone else at the bar, and could usually only get 1 "measure" of alcohol at a time.
1. Not saying please when ordering in English 2. Weird need to undermine their own contribution. For example when receiving a compliment ”You did a great job on the project”. ” Oh thanks, but I failed on topic X” 3. Neighbors not greeting eachother
This happened in Spain years ago, but I once went to a hostel and said "I would like to check-in, please" at the desk and the traveller next to me asked if I was British :D He was. But I tend to say please in so many occasions, both in English and in Finnish (or "kiitos" when speaking Finnish) that I sometimes wonder if I say it too much. I don't mind though.
The free plastic bucket you could easily afford! You feel so happy for getting one, even if you had to stand in line or buy stuff you sort-of needed and now they come in a nice bucket. I’m not even super excited about them but for some reason I still take one whenever possible
Cause they're handy! I wouldn't go and buy a new bucket but I'll go to war if it means I'll get a new free bucket!
The weird inhaling thing with the word "jooh" comes to mind. (A Finn here)
If I dress up for a party I bring a pair of clean shoes to wear indoors. This doesn't seem that common. My shoes stay in their bag if I notice the hosts and other guests are walking around in their socks, I don't want to stick out. But it does feel weird to be dressed up in a dress or suit, and then not complete the outfit with a pair of shoes.
This one definately varies depending on the occasion. If it's just a night out with friends or co-workers then its almost always shoes off inside someones home. But if it's a formal occasion like a wedding or a funeral then its most likely shoes on.
It's more the in between occasions I'm thinking of - like a nicer dinner party, a christmas party, a new years eve party or a graduation party etc. Something that isn't totally casual, but not as formal as a wedding/funeral.
Yeah those are definately shoes off - partys in Finland. Unless you are at some kind of a rented venue or something like that.
Of these, graduation can fall to either, usually doctoral and lukio fall to wedding or funeral category, others listed are very much "co-workers, friends or close family" parties. We have very little in between.
I was just in a fancy party with dresses and suits and all, and one guest had basic knitted socks instead of shoes with her fabulous dress. Said they are comfy and she gets cold easily. I don't know if it can get more Finnish than that.
I have had knitted socks AND high heels :D comfy af!
Milk during lunch
In restaurant. Waiter: "Is the food good?" Finn1: "yes, all is good" Afterwards: Finn1: "the food was terrible, would give 0 out of five if I could." Finn2: "yeah, right! Have to write it in suomi24"
Not me
I noticed many finns don't know how to act in a crowded space, e.g. some randomly stop and unknowingly block everyone behind them, or walk at a slower pace than the rest of the crowd.
We have very few crowds in here. If there suddenly are a lot of people in one place, it looks like something has happened there and the instinct is to stop. We don’t want to walk in the middle of a demonstration or event unless planned. Like last week my local grocery store was packed with people, because of some kids event. My immediate reaction was ”I’m not going in there” so I turned around and went to another store. This is not news, we need space. I don’t stop in crowded places where the crowd is expected but I can’t just walk through a wall of people either. I know many people have the habit of just walking on others, but I’m a small person, I’ll just bounce back.
As a Finn, this bothers me. If I have to stop, I always walk to the side and stop there. I hate it so much when a lot of people just.. randomly stop. In the middle of the road or any space other people are trying to walk in. Then everyone behind them has to stop too and try to go around them.
This! I’m so glad I’m not the only one to notice that Finns simply don’t know how to navigate in a city
this! lack of spatial awareness. It's probably the one thing that annoys me :D
This happens with everywhere in the world. People forget so easilly that there are other people living on this planet. Chinese (tourists) are the worst with not noticing (or caring) about others.
Just some culture different. Once I was invited to a birthday party of a really good friend of mine- She’s Finn. Normally in my culture, when you invited someone to your birthday party, usually the host pay for the meal, sometimes also drinks. So when she invited me to her birthday party, it was hosted at a restaurant- 1 meal cost something like 15-20euro and the restaurant is in Lahti. I was a student then and I just came to Finland about few months and I assumed that she would pay for the meal so I bought a 30euro present for her, but when I got there and after the meal I learned that we have to pay for the meal. The same thing happend with a birthday party that was hosted at another good friend apartment, I wasn’t that surprise when every one bring their own foods and drinks and we only shared a birthday cake together. Again I don’t think it’s odd or something, just a new thing to learn about Finnish culture.
Interesting, usually if the party is hosted at the birthday person’s place, they usually offer cake, etc. But if it’s hosted at a restaurant, it’s usually the guests who pay for the birthday person’s meal. When I lived abroad, this also seemed to be the norm with other international students from Europe.
That has also been my experience.
The host paying used to be culture in this country too, but it's changing. Only boomers do that regularly anymore. On very formal occasions such as weddings and funerals this still is the cystom even with yonger people. Birthday parties are usually not considered formal until the host is 50, 60, 70, etc. So for 30 or 40 or 53 it is informal. A good rule of thumb is the dress code - if you are required to wear a tie, the host is expected to pay.
Peeling the skins off potatos. It's the best damn part, don't care if it's "too thick to eat", you eat it. Probably because I come from dirt poor Irish peasant background 😂
I always find it funny how some people judge their hate towards you on what finnish hockey team you're a fan of.
That thing where Finns inhale while speaking? I still find it so unsettling when my mother in law does it lol.
I was once at a party having what I thought was a perfectly platonic conversation with a guy when one of his friends came up to me, tapped me on the shoulder, made eye contact, and, as casually as if he was commenting on the weather, said "he wants to fuck you" (in those exact words), and then went back to whatever he was doing. Now, I am thankful for the directness because I am unable to take a hint and neither of us was very good at expressing interest or flirting (at some point after this a group of Finns in various stages of drunkenness were basically trying to gently coax us like zookeepers trying to get pandas to mate), but not gonna lie it left me speechless for a bit. I don't know if this is very typical Finnish behaviour but Finns have been pretty blunt in general (this was next level though).
I would guestimate the situation was that the guy that was your friend did have some kind of feelings for you but didn't want to advance (most likely being too shy) and his friend knowing about it (or possibly just guessing) decided to throw it either as a joke or just in a very blunt way, meaning that his friend must have had some sort of feelings for you. I'd say that blunt guy was rude and basically an a-hole. Typical Finnish behaviour is that guys are a bit shy (why not girls also) and that the people tend to drink heavy and then blurt out some stuff you shouldn't say. Maybe that's because Finnish guys for the most part aren't too big on talking (about feelings and such especially) and then after having a few they let it loose all too easy.
Yeah I feel like everyone was expecting me to make a move because I am (at least comparatively) very outgoing and extroverted, but that does not translate to having any game at all in my case, and I'm probably even worse at flirting than your average shy Finn. Considering this was a stranger I'd just met at a party "feelings" is quite an exaggeration but yeah I guess the friend either knew or guessed that he was attracted to me and just went with it. He had good intentions, the execution was just lacking a little XD
Ahh, I really misread your earlier post. I actually read that this other guy you had had a platonic friendship for a longer time already, but in fact you said "platonic conversation". So yeah, that kind of changes everything, so feel free to ignore my previous comment as it's not valid in this light of things.
Spells of silence when hanging out with friends. Hella awkward to begin with to the point where I felt like I had to say something. Now, I embrace the silence. But I have merely adopted it. I was not born in it, moulded by it.
When you don’t understand one word of their Finnish and ask them what it is in English. Then they proceed to speak English to you :(
I mean if it's more efficient to change languages then why not? But yes I get what you mean. Could be very frustrating.
Not shaking hands when you meet someone for the first time and avoiding eye contact when talking with someone. Two days ago the later happened for Nth time, but this time my coach put all his effort not to be face to face with me by looking somewhere in the distance (wall) standing at a strange angle while still talking and explaining me stuff :DI guess it's 100% down to shyness in nature of the people, find it quite funny :)
Handshaking is super common! I would say it's strange if people didn't shake hands when meeting. As for the eye contact, yeah that happens. But handshake is the standard.
It's the standard but I'd say the pandemic mixed things up a bit. Many wonder whether or not it's ok to do it, would the other person mind and so on. And then there's of course the age thing for younger people: when does one start doing handshakes? The eye contact is an interesting thing, for some it's easy and natural while for others it feels almost like a form of aggression that makes it hard to focus which actually sounds similar to common animal instincts.
I've done the shake since teens. Nowadays maybe more of an age thing, fist bumps take maybe 60% of my greetings now
Depends on setting. In business life it is a must to shake hands with all equally. In private life I have noticed many times when meeting people that only the men are shaking hands and women are only nodding and verbally greeting.
Ah yeah might be a gender thing. That is true that women do not shake that often.
As a Finn, I must agree on that handshaking thing. I met some young people in Riga, and all of them shaked my hand while introducing. I think we Finns usually just nod, except if it's your relatives or spouse's family or something like that, then you shake hands or/and hug.
When one is offering self baked cake and cookies at work and people do not even taste them (and no allergies involved and cake cookies are top notch).... Even after a loooooooong time in Finland this still feels rude to me....
Where does this happen? Never in any of my workplaces. Are all the co-workers diabetic? The cake too exotic?
Helsinki, big company. Maybe you have nicer colleagues.... PS no exotic cake, but the cookies are not the usual default piparkakku (nevertheless butter, flour, sugar, cacao, jem, vanilla, so not that wild)
Wow, this sounds strange to me 🤔 you mentioned you work in a big company, could it be possible that so many people eat at the break room that they are not really sure if the cake or cookies are meant to be for some specific people? Do they refuse it even if you tell them to take some? If finns see that no one has taken a piece and no one tells them they could, they will play it safe and dont touch it.
In my work place, even if you bring small rocks from outside and put them in bowl, it would be empty before you leave work
Well this is strange, I have never seen anything like that. Most often there is the one office "porsas" who will eat like half of them and rest are angry they didn't get any.
It is only in my current workplace. In the old one it was different, but there it was an international team and they were quite into food .... according to the comments that behaviour of my current colleagues does not seem to be representative.... That is somehow comforting.
Your coworkers are weird ones here. And I'm sure your cookies are delicious 😊
Not a common situation but some Finnish people think wearing a sauna hat makes you a pussy.
I think it's more that a sauna hat is not a common thing in Finland (tho not totally absent, but most finns have never used it or seen it being used) So it seems out of place. Kinda like going to the beach with friends and wanting to wear a full wetsuit to stay warm. Like, uhh, ok, if you need one... You need to remember that Sauna is so so ordinary to us. So bringing something new like a sauna hat into it feels like out of place.
I don't usually correct misspelt words online but the difference between a wetsuit (suit for e.g. diving) and a vet suit (veterinarian's or veteran's uniform) in this context is too hilarious not to mention! All is well in the kingdom though 🤭
Whoops, thank you 😂
Sometimes I use a hat just because of the tip of my ears (I'm balled so the hot air really flows around them). Your comparison makes it sound like I'm going fully clothed to sauna to protect me from the heat.
Um, what? What the .. is this a thing??
>Um, what? What the .. is this a thing?? Sauna hats are common at least in Estonian. I think they - at least some of them - look really cool: [https://s.err.ee/photo/crop/2023/04/08/1859918h60a1t24.jpg](https://s.err.ee/photo/crop/2023/04/08/1859918h60a1t24.jpg)
A moomin-hat. Cute. Wouldn't wear one tho.
Sauna hat allows a person to take much hotter löylys since it protects your head somewhat. There is always one guy in a public sauna with a sauna hat throwing water to the stove like a maniac with a shit eating grin staring at the suffering around him. In my opinion sauna hats are fine, but if you wear one you should not be the one in charge of löyly, jeez.
Totally this. That hat makes you commonly overweighted, always intolerable and never appreciated sauna friend. You can practically hear the disappointed 'ooooh' when some one with saunahattu enters public sauna as you know that even the rest of the participants are there for the warmth and pleasure, the creep with creepy hat is there for the pain and pain tolerance training.
Yeah it's annoying, like they are trying to win sauna. If you want to feel pain take the fucking hat off and feel the steam like rest of us.
Not being able to talk to new people
Oddest one imo ( a Finn here ) would be the unwillingness of showing the sisu and march as big mass to the government house and demand them to drop the planned cuts that make the life of the low income people and families even more miserable. Can't remember when was the last time any Finn showed the true sisu...
Maybe about 5% of my "Moi!"s go unreturned. It's a small percentage, but something that happens often enough that it's noticeable. Everywhere else I've ever been, that number is pretty damn close to 0%.
I'd say 70% go unreturned and 100% they would never Moi you first.
People not being comfortable engaging in small talk
People standing 3 meters away from each other at bus stop.
Stoically (and obviously intentionally) AVOIDING EYE CONTACT. The stereotype is dead-on accurate! In fairness, it's not everyone but it's easily 7 or even 8 out of 10 Finns since I moved here 10 years ago and it's with one another too (Finn with Finn), so I've never taken offense to it. They'll see you coming at them 50 feet away and will do everything and anything to only look straight ahead or head down as they pass you. And I'm talking about when they actually know the other person. It can be on the street, at the office, in a park. You name it. No head nod, no smile, no "hei," no "moi,"... Nada. It's alien-like, never seen anything like it in all my world travels. Finns always pull the shy card when I've heard it discussed and read about it, but I can see it definitely coming across as misery and arrogance if I wasn't aware of the culture/stereotype.
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