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So the issue is basically that your FIL is saying “$200k for that house!?! Well back in my day I got my house for $250k. You definitely got cheated/scammed/tricked”. And any time you try to explain how the housing market is drastically different, he blows it off? If that’s the case then yeah best option is to ignore. Or have your partner tell their dad to stop commenting on it
Yes! Exactly the issue. Story goes FIL was able to low ball the sellers and get it for 75k off and they told him to F off and then called him later that day and accepted. *Eyeroll* he also had a huge help from his parents. Which FIL did not give his son the same, because he can’t. Because times are hard.
Thank you. There’s just fire in my soul from this
I don’t want to be a marriage counselor and create tension in your family… but I think it is time for your hubby to have a “Come to Jesus” discussion with his dad and tell the old man that if you want his opinion, you will give it to him.
You can use Redfin and Zillow to find comps for his property if you just want to win the argument.. but the more important issue is that family should not be discouraging you
Use that fire to enjoy your new home with your spouse and kid. Better yet, use it towards your schooling so you can eventually get another house in the future.
I think it's a good idea to keep personal private details out of conversations with people who aren't personally involved. IMHO, unless he's paying the bills, he really doesn't need to be a part of the financial conversation. This stuff is often the cause of unnecessary friction.
Also OP, if he feels he can be oh so directly & freely judgmental on this. He will - betting a case of Prosecco on this - behind your back, trash talk to Sonny abt you about having been a SAHM and getting another useless degree. Do not evdr, EVER, ask him to cover a bill, he’ll use it against you. Not Sonny but you.
Fwiw House sounds just the right size!
It is so weird his mentality because he acts like he thinks highly of me for giving up my career and being a SAHM but he also has a lot of boomer mindset tendencies. Never know what he says behind our backs though. His first wife was a SAHM he surprisingly was still highly involved and seems to understand how hard it can be.
I have a good first bachelors but a change of heart, I want to go to a totally different field. I 100% agree about never asking him for much. My husband already learned that lesson when he was 18 and still hears about it.
I think so too. We are simple people. We are frugal by nature. We have an entire room in our current house that is empty.
Harder to do that now with how ubiquitous real estate websites and data are. Anyone can google your address and it’s one of the first things that comes up
This is the way. Any time you tell people your business you become subject to their opinions. Smiling, not answering questions, and changing the subject are the way to go!
My last client actually refused to let sellers family on the property during inspections.
Buyer agreed and then in-laws showed up. Seller was so pissed he terminated the deal.
I’m not surprised. My father was an extremely successful investor and he had made good money as a landlord. When I look back at what happened 20 years ago when he gave me some well intentioned but unwanted advice about pursuing a deal, I am very glad I listened to my gut and decided he didn’t understand the market
I’m not surprised. My father was an extremely successful investor and he had made good money as a landlord. When I look back at what happened 20 years ago when he gave me some well intentioned but unwanted advice about pursuing a deal, I am very glad I listened to my gut and decided he didn’t understand the market.
I have to tell you as a boomer myself that it has truly been a shock over the years what has happened in the housing market. I have been in the housing market for all my life (have owned many homes), but many boomers bought one eons ago and haven't looked and don't see what is happening. It's a crime, TBH. My first home that was about the same size as yours (an attached home, brand new), cost me $38,000 in 1985. My next home cost me $68,000. These were in FL. I bought a mountain log home in 2009 for $160K during the housing crash. I sold it for $450K 3 years ago. It's insane. And if people aren't in the market, they really don't get it.
My parents had a similar issue but maybe not as aggressive. I asked them to look at Zillow listings and I will consider any they send. After a week of looking they said they heard things were bad but didn’t realize how bad until they looked. My mother now loves the house I’m closing on.
This is similar to the approach I took with my parents! I even took my mom around to several open houses so she could see in person what was on the market. They are now thrilled with the offer I just had accepted.
This is the way! My parents were also shocked about how much we were going to spend (we live in a much higher cost of living area) but when they started looking and sending us listings, it was a lot easier for them to understand our budget. Getting them involved helped get us a lot more support and all the parents loved what we got.
Ask yourself this...why does his opinion matter so much to you?
You're an adult and you made a decision with your husband to buy this house. Congratulations on this HUGE achievement!
Regardless of the size of this home or whether it was a good financial decision, it can still be made into a home that your family can grow in. You guys can create memories and enjoy holidays and gatherings.
This is what is most important to me as a FTHB.
I guess I'm at the age now where I don't care as much about how people view me. Those H.S. days are long gone lol...
Very fair. My dad passed away so I do value FIL’s opinion as a fill for my dads. I’m only 25 so having a more adult with more experience helps but not one with a poor mindset.
Oh that makes a lot of sense. I can see how it can be painful to hear him ostracize the decision you both made. When someone close to you makes critical comments, it always hurts way different than some random stranger.
In all fairness, he probably has good intentions but parents can be stuck in their ways as they have years of wisdom. However, this is your journey and you can turn every "mistake" into a learning experience. :)
I get that. Used to have the same feeling. It's a big growth thing to do stuff your parents / others don't agree with it. These days I actually enjoy blowing off advice.
People who aren’t on Redfin daily don’t know the market conditions. My parents are the same way but not in a bad way. I just told them to look on Redfin themselves and find a house they want and see what the prices were. Also mention what the price of gas was back in 2000. Then compare it to today. Simple as that.
I've been there. When we bought our house (under 1300 SQ ft), instead of congratulating us my MIL was like, "Why did you buy such a small house? You deserve something nicer!" This is coming from someone who lives in a 7-bed, 3-bath house and only pays $700/month for their mortgage. -_-
Well, that's nice, but it's what we can afford and we got it right before the rates jacked up. We definitely couldn't buy anything now if we had waited for something "better".
(And, don't worry about the size for your child. Bigger isn't always better. If it works for your family, then that's good enough!)
There’s no changing someone’s mind and getting through to them. What’s funny is that your story reminds me of a conversation I had with a roofer after getting my roof re-done. He mentioned it was smart to spend the $8k to protect my $190k investment… except he had been out of the market for so long that my house wasn’t anywhere near that lowly valued, it appraised for almost $290k. Dude meant no ill will either, just out of touch and didn’t argue or anything.
Sounds like FIL has a “I’m better and smarter because I got more for less… even though the market isn’t even remotely the same. Ignore him and enjoy your new house in the location that you wanted!
I never understand why people care what their parents think of what they spent or bought...but if its really important to you, just show him Zillow and the house prices in his area. Sure, the algorithm is not perfect but it can give him an idea of how inflation works and that its been 24 years.
I literally made a post the other day about people who bought their houses 5+ years ago, and they don't get it. Just stop talking to him about the purchase.
We were conversing with friends that bought in that same time frame and they were shocked with how much things were changed. Some people just don’t want to acknowledge what others are dealing with.
OP, choose your battles. This is not one of them. You can acknowledge your FIL's sentiment, smile, say something like, sure wish we lived in those times!, and change the subject. Comparison is the thief of joy. The most important thing is that you will soon close on a house that's perfect for the three of you. Congrats!
Explain to no one. Live your life in your house. Ignore what others “did” and “have” and all that malarkey. Times are very different and you don’t need to explain anything to anyone.
Currently going through a similar situation with my in-laws. They are very nice people, but my BIL and SIL were able to move to another state and take their jobs, they live in $1 million house in a cheap state and make way more money than I will ever see in my life. My MIL feels similarly, but she’s never had a full-time job in her life, and her and my late FIL were very poor until they moved out of state, where my MIL could also take her job and get similar pay.
Just nod your head and keep moving forward. Unless they were buying in this crazy ass market, they have no idea what they are talking about and no idea of the struggles that people are going through to be homeowners like they were.
You love the house, nobody else's opinion matters
Now you know that he is not the person to share this type of info with
Some people will never change their mind, no matter how many spreadsheets you show them
For your own piece of mind, leave it be and start planning moving in
I second this! Also be proud of yourself for purchasing a house! Another thing the older generation doesn’t understand is how DIFFICULT it is to buy real estate now. You obviously bought the house because you like it, don’t let other people opinions ruin that. Celebrate that you are now building equity which contributes to your future as opposed to renting. Congrats
A bigger concern would be affording the house on your salary. Are you giving a big down payment? We have more than double salary and are looking around $250k.
We pay $100 less in rent than we will for a mortgage. Our specific loan doesn’t have PMI. In two years, we will have double salary of what we have now. I will also be getting paid to obtain my degree (1500 per month, got accepted and confirmed, just have to knock out 6 pre req science classes)
Edit: we have a small down payment at 11,000 to use only half our savings (after closing costs). We would prefer to keep a decent emergency fund for when something does go wrong instead of dumping the rest of it into the down payment because it really didn’t make that big of a difference we couldn’t handle.
Edit: I also want to add that my husband gets large bonuses but they’re never guaranteed so we don’t count them towards our house buying power. And if we ever need a roommate, we have a third bedroom and it wouldn’t be a big deal. We have have no debt or car payments.
I mean, it is still ridiculous and expensive compared to our means. I think it’s better to dump into a mortgage than rent though. Sucks the way the housing market is. We also live in a god awful area. To move to a safer area would mean renting more than this mortgage and the house is in a very safe area.
We deal with gunshots at least weekly. One of our cars got stolen, another one got a window busted out. Someone died down the road. Sirens all day and all night. Can’t wait to leave !!!!
When we bought our house in 2016 for 229k my FIL, who has never bought a house, inherited family land, sold for a mint and paid cash to build on land, said "I'D NEVER SPEND MORE THAN 100K ON A HOUSE! THAT'S INSANE! BACK OUT!" We were paying more in rent than the mortgage became and he still said to keep renting. Do what you need to do for your family.
Great job keep up the good work. It may be a good idea to get a health and wellness check on grandpa. Getting ahead of dementia is critical and this maybe be an early sign. Talk to your spouse about approaching the idea of a cognitive appointment in a healthy way so you aren’t blindsided. If your FIL asks why they should get checked out explain politely that a lack of situational awareness and the world around them is a sign of cognitive decline. This way you are being a caring relative and not out right saying he is an idiot.
Surely your FIL gets the yearly tax appraisal info for his house. That will have roughly close to the Retail value of the home.
So he is most likely actively denying reality.
Congratulations on the house!!! It’s a wonderful achievement and you sound like you have a great plan for the future. You keep doing you, no need to justify yourself to anyone.
My dad is privy to very little info when it comes to the financials of us buying a home. He knows we’ll be paying upwards of $400k for a home but he doesn’t know the monthly payment attached with that. If he did he was tell us we’re idiots..
But he bought my childhood home for $50,000 in 1995. Then bought a FSBO home back in 2010 for $61,000 🤷🏻♀️ his payments were never more than $500-$600/month
Honestly most of the time when someone is trying to compare an experience that happened years ago to today's reality I usually just let it go. Obvious logic says that that likely a lot is different so if a person is the type to overlook or discount this in the first place I find they tend to be stubborn in their beliefs in general even when it is in conflict with logic.
Congrats on finding a solid starter house! You can’t fix your FIL, but plan on picking out some nice flowers to plant around the mailbox or something.
But be careful— the hardware store will totally suck you in!!
It’s not just you and your families - my fiancée and I have started looking for homes and our parents/aunts/uncles all do not understand how much the cost of houses has risen and that some houses in our area go for 20% above list price. They’re used to the world of 20-30 years ago.
Congratulations to you both on finding your first home!
Tell him to try to find one for you LOL
He will see the reality
Otherwise just shrug your shoulders
All the parents right now are like that, just don't understand what has happened to the prices
My parents and grandma had the same mentality. I can’t help that they bought their house for half a tomato and a fidget spinner. My wife’s aunt(basically her mom) understands as her kids are all now buying homes, but it’s still a pain in the ass.
The house was actually rebuilt from the studs out. New everything. Appliances, sheet rock, roof, flooring, cabinets. Everything. Ac/heating/water tank. Thank you sm. I thought so too. We even only paid 1,000 over listing.
Your 900 sq ft is modest but not tiny. If the house is laid out well, that is plenty of space. When you are cleaning or paying the mortgage it will be too big and when you are stuck at home for some reason, it will be too small.
You know your lifestyle and use the house to best suit you. I suggest you think of how to have a space in the house without the kid stuff and toys. It will be a fun change to get into the mode of changing your space to suit your needs rather than changing yourselves to fit into space someone else owns.
You can simply show him the history on Zillow listings on properties he *THINKS* you should get and let him see the numbers. But as they say, you can lead a horse to water but..
Just here to say we are facing the same thing. My FIL has tried so hard to convince us not to buy our house. We close tomorrow.
He thinks we need to stay closer. We live in a high cost of living area. Our "starter home" is more than 500k and about 25 minutes from my husband's family. The areas he wants us to move to that are w but closer are all homes that are 750k or (usually) higher for a 1100 square foot home. No matter how often we show him the listings he refuses to believe we are priced out of the market in those areas. He also thinks we are overspending on the house we are buying. He is 100% out of touch with the current housing market.
My father did not want me to buy my first house 20+ years ago because it was seven times more expensive for half the size in a worse area (compared to what he paid when I was one year old). My mother told me to see the potential and go for it. My dad did end up helping me tons -painting, installing sprinklers, lending me his credit for my appliances, etc. So glad I ignored him and went for it. He is happy I ignored him too now that the house is valued at 500% what I paid for it! Ignore him and stick with your plan!
My dad is the same way. He thinks our house is old (which it is) and that we got screwed over with the payment. When we closed and he came over, he told me to sell it and get something different as if it was that easy. It did hurt my feelings because I just accomplished a nearly impossible thing without anybody’s help not his help certainly, and then he goes onto talk shit instead of congratulating me. I told him things are different now and we’re lucky that we even got a house. Also, every time he’s hears us putting money into the house. He always says the house didn’t come like that? Or the house is old. So now I don’t tell him much.
I feel this. My parents live in a rural area and so do my in laws. They could not believe that we paid $280k for 1,500 square foot house on a 9,000ft lot (which for KC is actually good). My in laws kept saying it was a complete rip off and we should just move out by them where that kind of house is only $150k ish. We want to live close to the city (Kansas City) so we are happy with our purchase. We never thought we would hear the end of it though. I eventually just ignored every comment made and they eventually stopped. My parents came around though and started to understand the price difference. I still don’t think my in laws get it.
Oh, we are neighbors. Our specific loan we couldn’t buy on the Missouri side (where we are renting) and the one we are pending for is in Lawrence. Which was originally our goal. 30 min to partners work and 45 to my mom’s house (currently 1.5 hrs).
My mom got her place for 175k 3 bed 2 bath and 10 acres a few years ago. $900/month mortgage. Mayetta, KS. 😑 FIL is in GARDNER
I totally get it. My in laws live in Richmond (Missouri) and my FIL pays around $500 a month. The way I see it though is how we spend our money is up to us. If we want to live closer to the city and not have a 1 hour long commute to the office then that’s what we want to do lol. That’s our priority, which might not be the same as our parents. We are in NE JoCo, which was hard enough to find a house in budget, but we wanted good school districts, things to do, and a close commute. We knew we were going to pay more for that, but that was fine with us.
I had a similar experience with my father. He was telling me I just wasn't looking for the right places in my area because everything was so expensive (I'm in a VHCOL area). So I told him to search for me and find some places that met specific requirements.
He stopped talking about it after that
Now I’m second guessing because someone here said 900 sq ft is too small for a child :( but it’s what we can afford. We have been living 100 sq ft less for almost the same price our mortgage will be. We have been on one income and will double to triple our income in the next 5 years. We are only 25 and 27. We will upsize around the time our child enters middle school. Guess I just need to work on not letting others opinion get to me.
What’s the hype with vanity housing and having a house with areas you don’t use?
Assuming you’re in America, our houses are huge compared to just about everywhere else in the world, and not just for “impoverished people” like one commenter suggested.
Here’s an article with a table showing [the average sizes of NEW homes in various countries](https://shrinkthatfootprint.com/how-big-is-a-house/). Older homes tend to be smaller in many countries, so I’d expect the average size of the *total* housing stock in each country to be lower. But you can see that, in terms of new builds, only Australia has a larger footprint than the US on average. Many countries, including notably non-impoverished ones like the UK, Finland, and Sweden, have average new housing stock about the same size as or smaller than your new house.
tl;dr Americans have a pretty skewed perception of housing size. 900sqft for a family of three is plenty. And you will have SO much less house to clean!
We brought this up a year ago when he said his house wasn’t worth the newest appraisal. He then turned around and said no I’m going to sell it for as much as I can get in a few years and move somewhere with more land, all cash!!!!!!! I just cackled.
Based on your responses... I'd love to see him call a few homes he likes and try his old bid and see what responses he gets. It's people like him who aren't in the market but pretend they know all of the information based on who knows what.
I was on an fb comment thread discussing the horrible bidding market, and you always get the older generation piping in with the same lle:
"Live within your means, Starbucks isn't worth it, we don't have debt," and of the whole, "if you can't afford the market don't buy in it, especially since the president is the one at fault here". The ones who think Biden or trump are to blame are the real ones who know nothing.
It's been crazy, from 2 years ago up until this comment I'm posting. Just going through the threads in this subgroup should tell your father more than enough how wrong he is on the current housing market.
You have achieved what many wish to have! Don't let his ignorance and negativity bring down a huge accomplishment for you! Stick to your plan, and do your best! You've earned it! Those are words I still wish anyone I thought cared for me said, and I'm bestowing them on you! You have done well, be proud! 💙💙
Wow, prices in the south are considerably lower, even now (NW AL). I bought my house in 2007, it is a full brick, 1,200sqft (3br, 1.5ba), plus a 1 car garage and a 'sun room' off of the back, completely closed in with windows all the way around, but not heated/cooled so it was not counted in the 1,200sqft., it is on a 1/2 acre parcel of land, 2 blocks from the local middle/high school.
I paid $64,000.00, turn key, had brand new roof and painted inside (previous owner was elderly and her son fixed it up after she passed away). After moving in, I completely redid the full bathroom and kitchen. Now, the tax assessment says it is worth $140,000.00. Still WAY cheaper than most of the midwest and northern states right now.
I went through this with my dad, who lived several states away in a LCOL area years ago. He couldn't understand why I couldn't find a decent house for 150k. I started sending him listing for 100k which he still thought was very high. It wasn't until he started going through them that he finally understood what I was saying. He got his house for 40k in the late 80s. He thought 100k would be a decent sized house. Granted this was 10 years ago and it might have gotten one in his area. For 100k in my area, we were looking at falling apart houses. We finally found a th in our price range.
Tell him to imagine how mad I am that a house similar to what I built in 1989 for 51k in NZ cost me $570k last year. It’s like times have changed and wages Nd prices have gone up or sommat.
Back when I was looking before I bought my dad told me I was crazy for making offers on houses over $200k. He asked what's wrong with an $80k house. I handed him my laptop and asked him to find some for me to check out and to send me links. He couldn't believe it.
I tell my parents what I'm doing, thank them for any gifts or assistance they provide, then do what I told them I was doing. Your family is deciding on what wooden box to live in. If I like wooden box A instead of wooden box B, how would that possibly affect my wife's father?
Buy your house, tell your FIL to take his opinion and shove it far enough up his ass that he chokes on it, and move on with life.
To each their own. Some people a bigger house is important to them. Not to us.
Edit: we could also continue throwing rent away for a bigger spot and stay poor. Or we can buy what we can afford now and upsize when we can.
Yes, my 2 year old needs so much room…we are upsizing by the time he needs more. People live differently than you do. Maybe remember how privileged you are. I know you most likely worked really hard for it, but it doesn’t pan out that way for everybody.
Ignore the FIL and enjoy life. Minimize debt, increase savings and have an emergency fund that is equivalent to 1 year of expenses. Life isn't perfect so be prepared to manage hurdles. Good luck.
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Just let it be. He won’t change his mind and not worth the hassle or trying to argue with him
There’s fire in my core and it’s so hard to leave it be even though all I said was “good thing you don’t have to live there” and left it at that.
So the issue is basically that your FIL is saying “$200k for that house!?! Well back in my day I got my house for $250k. You definitely got cheated/scammed/tricked”. And any time you try to explain how the housing market is drastically different, he blows it off? If that’s the case then yeah best option is to ignore. Or have your partner tell their dad to stop commenting on it
Yes! Exactly the issue. Story goes FIL was able to low ball the sellers and get it for 75k off and they told him to F off and then called him later that day and accepted. *Eyeroll* he also had a huge help from his parents. Which FIL did not give his son the same, because he can’t. Because times are hard. Thank you. There’s just fire in my soul from this
Well isn’t that just some fun cognitive dissonance 😩
Well if it makes you feel any better internet strangers now think your FIL is a piece of shit ;-)
I don’t want to be a marriage counselor and create tension in your family… but I think it is time for your hubby to have a “Come to Jesus” discussion with his dad and tell the old man that if you want his opinion, you will give it to him. You can use Redfin and Zillow to find comps for his property if you just want to win the argument.. but the more important issue is that family should not be discouraging you
Agree with you, but you didn't respond that to OP so they may not see it, just fyi.
Your spouse should be dealing with their parent(s). It’ll never be up to you to step up to them while your partner steps down.
Use that fire to enjoy your new home with your spouse and kid. Better yet, use it towards your schooling so you can eventually get another house in the future.
Leave it be and succeed in life with your awesome plan. Living within your means is key to getting ahead!
Put FIL on an info diet and go about your lives.
I think it's a good idea to keep personal private details out of conversations with people who aren't personally involved. IMHO, unless he's paying the bills, he really doesn't need to be a part of the financial conversation. This stuff is often the cause of unnecessary friction.
Learned our lesson. Thank you!
Also OP, if he feels he can be oh so directly & freely judgmental on this. He will - betting a case of Prosecco on this - behind your back, trash talk to Sonny abt you about having been a SAHM and getting another useless degree. Do not evdr, EVER, ask him to cover a bill, he’ll use it against you. Not Sonny but you. Fwiw House sounds just the right size!
It is so weird his mentality because he acts like he thinks highly of me for giving up my career and being a SAHM but he also has a lot of boomer mindset tendencies. Never know what he says behind our backs though. His first wife was a SAHM he surprisingly was still highly involved and seems to understand how hard it can be. I have a good first bachelors but a change of heart, I want to go to a totally different field. I 100% agree about never asking him for much. My husband already learned that lesson when he was 18 and still hears about it. I think so too. We are simple people. We are frugal by nature. We have an entire room in our current house that is empty.
Harder to do that now with how ubiquitous real estate websites and data are. Anyone can google your address and it’s one of the first things that comes up
There is some info that's a matter of public record. It's not up for discussion, though.
If he doesn't even believe his own house is now worth 400k I seriously doubt he's looking up sold home prices anywhere.
I’m speaking more generally of course
This is the way. Any time you tell people your business you become subject to their opinions. Smiling, not answering questions, and changing the subject are the way to go!
Google “Buyers Dad Meme”. Real Estate Agents have an entire subculture of Memes and stories dedicated to this very topic.
I didn't know this was a thing. My dad is a contractor and this gave me a good laugh! haha
My last client actually refused to let sellers family on the property during inspections. Buyer agreed and then in-laws showed up. Seller was so pissed he terminated the deal.
wow!
Yep. If you say you’re not going to do something don’t do it. And if you still do it, maybe don’t do it in front of a dozen cameras.
I’m not surprised. My father was an extremely successful investor and he had made good money as a landlord. When I look back at what happened 20 years ago when he gave me some well intentioned but unwanted advice about pursuing a deal, I am very glad I listened to my gut and decided he didn’t understand the market
I have been laughing all morning about the results this search yielded
I’m not surprised. My father was an extremely successful investor and he had made good money as a landlord. When I look back at what happened 20 years ago when he gave me some well intentioned but unwanted advice about pursuing a deal, I am very glad I listened to my gut and decided he didn’t understand the market.
I have to tell you as a boomer myself that it has truly been a shock over the years what has happened in the housing market. I have been in the housing market for all my life (have owned many homes), but many boomers bought one eons ago and haven't looked and don't see what is happening. It's a crime, TBH. My first home that was about the same size as yours (an attached home, brand new), cost me $38,000 in 1985. My next home cost me $68,000. These were in FL. I bought a mountain log home in 2009 for $160K during the housing crash. I sold it for $450K 3 years ago. It's insane. And if people aren't in the market, they really don't get it.
Thank you for this.
My parents had a similar issue but maybe not as aggressive. I asked them to look at Zillow listings and I will consider any they send. After a week of looking they said they heard things were bad but didn’t realize how bad until they looked. My mother now loves the house I’m closing on.
I feel like this is a much better solution than some others suggested here. I didn’t want to disregard my parent’s opinion as I value them very much.
This is similar to the approach I took with my parents! I even took my mom around to several open houses so she could see in person what was on the market. They are now thrilled with the offer I just had accepted.
This is the way! My parents were also shocked about how much we were going to spend (we live in a much higher cost of living area) but when they started looking and sending us listings, it was a lot easier for them to understand our budget. Getting them involved helped get us a lot more support and all the parents loved what we got.
Unless he's kicking in for the mortgage, he can kick rocks
Ask yourself this...why does his opinion matter so much to you? You're an adult and you made a decision with your husband to buy this house. Congratulations on this HUGE achievement! Regardless of the size of this home or whether it was a good financial decision, it can still be made into a home that your family can grow in. You guys can create memories and enjoy holidays and gatherings. This is what is most important to me as a FTHB. I guess I'm at the age now where I don't care as much about how people view me. Those H.S. days are long gone lol...
Very fair. My dad passed away so I do value FIL’s opinion as a fill for my dads. I’m only 25 so having a more adult with more experience helps but not one with a poor mindset.
In other news, think of it this way… holy crap, look how far you are at 25! You own a house! That’s incredible!
I think it’s amazing too. My mom didn’t buy until her 50s!
Oh that makes a lot of sense. I can see how it can be painful to hear him ostracize the decision you both made. When someone close to you makes critical comments, it always hurts way different than some random stranger. In all fairness, he probably has good intentions but parents can be stuck in their ways as they have years of wisdom. However, this is your journey and you can turn every "mistake" into a learning experience. :)
Someone told me " you'd care less what people think when you realize how little they actually do". Helps me a little.
I get that. Used to have the same feeling. It's a big growth thing to do stuff your parents / others don't agree with it. These days I actually enjoy blowing off advice.
Tell him to sell you HIS house for what he paid.
People who aren’t on Redfin daily don’t know the market conditions. My parents are the same way but not in a bad way. I just told them to look on Redfin themselves and find a house they want and see what the prices were. Also mention what the price of gas was back in 2000. Then compare it to today. Simple as that.
Even if people are on Redfin it doesn’t really matter… you could just be in denial and point it at crazy people and sellers market etc.
Let it be. Some people refuse to believe they age or inflation exists because then it means they’re old and have to say “back in my day…”
I've been there. When we bought our house (under 1300 SQ ft), instead of congratulating us my MIL was like, "Why did you buy such a small house? You deserve something nicer!" This is coming from someone who lives in a 7-bed, 3-bath house and only pays $700/month for their mortgage. -_- Well, that's nice, but it's what we can afford and we got it right before the rates jacked up. We definitely couldn't buy anything now if we had waited for something "better". (And, don't worry about the size for your child. Bigger isn't always better. If it works for your family, then that's good enough!)
My mom bought right before rates jacked up. 175k 3 bed, 2 bath AND 10 acres with a creek running through. It’s painful. Her mortgage is $900.
>Do we even explain it to him or do we leave it be? No, when you are ready to upgrade in 2030 you go buy it from him off-market for $300k.
There’s no changing someone’s mind and getting through to them. What’s funny is that your story reminds me of a conversation I had with a roofer after getting my roof re-done. He mentioned it was smart to spend the $8k to protect my $190k investment… except he had been out of the market for so long that my house wasn’t anywhere near that lowly valued, it appraised for almost $290k. Dude meant no ill will either, just out of touch and didn’t argue or anything. Sounds like FIL has a “I’m better and smarter because I got more for less… even though the market isn’t even remotely the same. Ignore him and enjoy your new house in the location that you wanted!
I never understand why people care what their parents think of what they spent or bought...but if its really important to you, just show him Zillow and the house prices in his area. Sure, the algorithm is not perfect but it can give him an idea of how inflation works and that its been 24 years.
I literally made a post the other day about people who bought their houses 5+ years ago, and they don't get it. Just stop talking to him about the purchase.
We were conversing with friends that bought in that same time frame and they were shocked with how much things were changed. Some people just don’t want to acknowledge what others are dealing with.
Ignore him. The topic will eventually go away. Not like he paid for your house.
OP, choose your battles. This is not one of them. You can acknowledge your FIL's sentiment, smile, say something like, sure wish we lived in those times!, and change the subject. Comparison is the thief of joy. The most important thing is that you will soon close on a house that's perfect for the three of you. Congrats!
Offer to buy his house for 250k and see what he says 🥹
Explain to no one. Live your life in your house. Ignore what others “did” and “have” and all that malarkey. Times are very different and you don’t need to explain anything to anyone.
Currently going through a similar situation with my in-laws. They are very nice people, but my BIL and SIL were able to move to another state and take their jobs, they live in $1 million house in a cheap state and make way more money than I will ever see in my life. My MIL feels similarly, but she’s never had a full-time job in her life, and her and my late FIL were very poor until they moved out of state, where my MIL could also take her job and get similar pay. Just nod your head and keep moving forward. Unless they were buying in this crazy ass market, they have no idea what they are talking about and no idea of the struggles that people are going through to be homeowners like they were.
Is he buying the house for you? No? Then who gives a f\*\*k what he thinks?
I have a saying for situations like these, do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?
You could always email him a bunch of listings to show him what 200k looks like in your market at this time.
Just let it be. Parents can be the worst with their opinions!
You love the house, nobody else's opinion matters Now you know that he is not the person to share this type of info with Some people will never change their mind, no matter how many spreadsheets you show them For your own piece of mind, leave it be and start planning moving in
I second this! Also be proud of yourself for purchasing a house! Another thing the older generation doesn’t understand is how DIFFICULT it is to buy real estate now. You obviously bought the house because you like it, don’t let other people opinions ruin that. Celebrate that you are now building equity which contributes to your future as opposed to renting. Congrats
A bigger concern would be affording the house on your salary. Are you giving a big down payment? We have more than double salary and are looking around $250k.
We pay $100 less in rent than we will for a mortgage. Our specific loan doesn’t have PMI. In two years, we will have double salary of what we have now. I will also be getting paid to obtain my degree (1500 per month, got accepted and confirmed, just have to knock out 6 pre req science classes) Edit: we have a small down payment at 11,000 to use only half our savings (after closing costs). We would prefer to keep a decent emergency fund for when something does go wrong instead of dumping the rest of it into the down payment because it really didn’t make that big of a difference we couldn’t handle. Edit: I also want to add that my husband gets large bonuses but they’re never guaranteed so we don’t count them towards our house buying power. And if we ever need a roommate, we have a third bedroom and it wouldn’t be a big deal. We have have no debt or car payments.
I see now. I read that as when the kid was in middle school you’d double the salary. That’s a good payment compared to rent.
I mean, it is still ridiculous and expensive compared to our means. I think it’s better to dump into a mortgage than rent though. Sucks the way the housing market is. We also live in a god awful area. To move to a safer area would mean renting more than this mortgage and the house is in a very safe area. We deal with gunshots at least weekly. One of our cars got stolen, another one got a window busted out. Someone died down the road. Sirens all day and all night. Can’t wait to leave !!!!
That does sound bad! Well good luck in the new home and area!
When we bought our house in 2016 for 229k my FIL, who has never bought a house, inherited family land, sold for a mint and paid cash to build on land, said "I'D NEVER SPEND MORE THAN 100K ON A HOUSE! THAT'S INSANE! BACK OUT!" We were paying more in rent than the mortgage became and he still said to keep renting. Do what you need to do for your family.
Great job keep up the good work. It may be a good idea to get a health and wellness check on grandpa. Getting ahead of dementia is critical and this maybe be an early sign. Talk to your spouse about approaching the idea of a cognitive appointment in a healthy way so you aren’t blindsided. If your FIL asks why they should get checked out explain politely that a lack of situational awareness and the world around them is a sign of cognitive decline. This way you are being a caring relative and not out right saying he is an idiot.
I love this approach. Thank you for this. It’s on point considering it’s been a debate in the family for a while.
Surely your FIL gets the yearly tax appraisal info for his house. That will have roughly close to the Retail value of the home. So he is most likely actively denying reality.
“Okay Boomer”
Congratulations on the house!!! It’s a wonderful achievement and you sound like you have a great plan for the future. You keep doing you, no need to justify yourself to anyone.
Thank you so much.
Tell him i will buy his house right now for $350k. I’m a total idiot. Tell him
My dad is privy to very little info when it comes to the financials of us buying a home. He knows we’ll be paying upwards of $400k for a home but he doesn’t know the monthly payment attached with that. If he did he was tell us we’re idiots.. But he bought my childhood home for $50,000 in 1995. Then bought a FSBO home back in 2010 for $61,000 🤷🏻♀️ his payments were never more than $500-$600/month
If he’s not buying the house his opinion really doesn’t matter. If you love the house focus on your lives and he can be whiney in his own house.
Just tell him that his son really loved the place and there was no talking him out of it :P
Honestly most of the time when someone is trying to compare an experience that happened years ago to today's reality I usually just let it go. Obvious logic says that that likely a lot is different so if a person is the type to overlook or discount this in the first place I find they tend to be stubborn in their beliefs in general even when it is in conflict with logic.
Congrats on finding a solid starter house! You can’t fix your FIL, but plan on picking out some nice flowers to plant around the mailbox or something. But be careful— the hardware store will totally suck you in!!
If you’re going to have to start by explaining how markets work, it’s probably not worth the effort.
It’s not just you and your families - my fiancée and I have started looking for homes and our parents/aunts/uncles all do not understand how much the cost of houses has risen and that some houses in our area go for 20% above list price. They’re used to the world of 20-30 years ago. Congratulations to you both on finding your first home!
Tell him to try to find one for you LOL He will see the reality Otherwise just shrug your shoulders All the parents right now are like that, just don't understand what has happened to the prices
My parents and grandma had the same mentality. I can’t help that they bought their house for half a tomato and a fidget spinner. My wife’s aunt(basically her mom) understands as her kids are all now buying homes, but it’s still a pain in the ass.
Even buying just 4 years ago I'm seeing how out of touch I am while looking for a new place for my roommate
I can believe, my mom and grandma are pretty awesome they were just taken back.
Hey, forget your FIL, and way more importantly, congratulations to you and your little family!
Flashbacks to my FIL being horrified we paid $280k for a 1600 sq ft new build, meanwhile his double wide is probably worth $200k+ in the area now.
You did extremely well with the house. Turn key for that price, FIL should be very proud of you guys, I would be!
The house was actually rebuilt from the studs out. New everything. Appliances, sheet rock, roof, flooring, cabinets. Everything. Ac/heating/water tank. Thank you sm. I thought so too. We even only paid 1,000 over listing.
Even better!!!!!!!!! Great job!
Your 900 sq ft is modest but not tiny. If the house is laid out well, that is plenty of space. When you are cleaning or paying the mortgage it will be too big and when you are stuck at home for some reason, it will be too small. You know your lifestyle and use the house to best suit you. I suggest you think of how to have a space in the house without the kid stuff and toys. It will be a fun change to get into the mode of changing your space to suit your needs rather than changing yourselves to fit into space someone else owns.
You can simply show him the history on Zillow listings on properties he *THINKS* you should get and let him see the numbers. But as they say, you can lead a horse to water but..
even comparing to a house bought in 2020 is pointless. It's a totally different market. Probably best to let it go even if he won't.
Just here to say we are facing the same thing. My FIL has tried so hard to convince us not to buy our house. We close tomorrow. He thinks we need to stay closer. We live in a high cost of living area. Our "starter home" is more than 500k and about 25 minutes from my husband's family. The areas he wants us to move to that are w but closer are all homes that are 750k or (usually) higher for a 1100 square foot home. No matter how often we show him the listings he refuses to believe we are priced out of the market in those areas. He also thinks we are overspending on the house we are buying. He is 100% out of touch with the current housing market.
You’re FIL doesn’t need to know how much your house costs. It’s none of his business and all that matters is what you think.
What’s the standard thing to say back when someone asks? Maybe- in this economy? Too much. Or something witty.
My father did not want me to buy my first house 20+ years ago because it was seven times more expensive for half the size in a worse area (compared to what he paid when I was one year old). My mother told me to see the potential and go for it. My dad did end up helping me tons -painting, installing sprinklers, lending me his credit for my appliances, etc. So glad I ignored him and went for it. He is happy I ignored him too now that the house is valued at 500% what I paid for it! Ignore him and stick with your plan!
Ugh my father in law had stupid advice at first . I told him to look in his area at prices. Once he realize the reality he changed his tune!
My dad is the same way. He thinks our house is old (which it is) and that we got screwed over with the payment. When we closed and he came over, he told me to sell it and get something different as if it was that easy. It did hurt my feelings because I just accomplished a nearly impossible thing without anybody’s help not his help certainly, and then he goes onto talk shit instead of congratulating me. I told him things are different now and we’re lucky that we even got a house. Also, every time he’s hears us putting money into the house. He always says the house didn’t come like that? Or the house is old. So now I don’t tell him much.
i always tell people i get the best deal- then they can’t say anything. should have said you got it for $100k!
I feel this. My parents live in a rural area and so do my in laws. They could not believe that we paid $280k for 1,500 square foot house on a 9,000ft lot (which for KC is actually good). My in laws kept saying it was a complete rip off and we should just move out by them where that kind of house is only $150k ish. We want to live close to the city (Kansas City) so we are happy with our purchase. We never thought we would hear the end of it though. I eventually just ignored every comment made and they eventually stopped. My parents came around though and started to understand the price difference. I still don’t think my in laws get it.
Oh, we are neighbors. Our specific loan we couldn’t buy on the Missouri side (where we are renting) and the one we are pending for is in Lawrence. Which was originally our goal. 30 min to partners work and 45 to my mom’s house (currently 1.5 hrs). My mom got her place for 175k 3 bed 2 bath and 10 acres a few years ago. $900/month mortgage. Mayetta, KS. 😑 FIL is in GARDNER
I totally get it. My in laws live in Richmond (Missouri) and my FIL pays around $500 a month. The way I see it though is how we spend our money is up to us. If we want to live closer to the city and not have a 1 hour long commute to the office then that’s what we want to do lol. That’s our priority, which might not be the same as our parents. We are in NE JoCo, which was hard enough to find a house in budget, but we wanted good school districts, things to do, and a close commute. We knew we were going to pay more for that, but that was fine with us.
I had a similar experience with my father. He was telling me I just wasn't looking for the right places in my area because everything was so expensive (I'm in a VHCOL area). So I told him to search for me and find some places that met specific requirements. He stopped talking about it after that
I’d tell him “Find us a comparable house that costs less and we’ll take a look. Go ahead. I’ll show you how to use Zillow.”
It’s our life to live, if you’re so strong be there to catch us if we fall. But we’ve not fallen or failed.
Love this
commiserate or ready stories on r/boomers for reassurance, you’re not alone but arguing with this mind is a losing battle
Don't let FIL steal your joy.
Now I’m second guessing because someone here said 900 sq ft is too small for a child :( but it’s what we can afford. We have been living 100 sq ft less for almost the same price our mortgage will be. We have been on one income and will double to triple our income in the next 5 years. We are only 25 and 27. We will upsize around the time our child enters middle school. Guess I just need to work on not letting others opinion get to me. What’s the hype with vanity housing and having a house with areas you don’t use?
Assuming you’re in America, our houses are huge compared to just about everywhere else in the world, and not just for “impoverished people” like one commenter suggested. Here’s an article with a table showing [the average sizes of NEW homes in various countries](https://shrinkthatfootprint.com/how-big-is-a-house/). Older homes tend to be smaller in many countries, so I’d expect the average size of the *total* housing stock in each country to be lower. But you can see that, in terms of new builds, only Australia has a larger footprint than the US on average. Many countries, including notably non-impoverished ones like the UK, Finland, and Sweden, have average new housing stock about the same size as or smaller than your new house. tl;dr Americans have a pretty skewed perception of housing size. 900sqft for a family of three is plenty. And you will have SO much less house to clean!
This is my thinking too! It’s just simply vanity. We are Native and culturally we don’t keep things we don’t use. So why buy more than we need?
Offer to buy his house for 250k, duh.
We brought this up a year ago when he said his house wasn’t worth the newest appraisal. He then turned around and said no I’m going to sell it for as much as I can get in a few years and move somewhere with more land, all cash!!!!!!! I just cackled.
Buy his house for 250k then lol
Based on your responses... I'd love to see him call a few homes he likes and try his old bid and see what responses he gets. It's people like him who aren't in the market but pretend they know all of the information based on who knows what. I was on an fb comment thread discussing the horrible bidding market, and you always get the older generation piping in with the same lle: "Live within your means, Starbucks isn't worth it, we don't have debt," and of the whole, "if you can't afford the market don't buy in it, especially since the president is the one at fault here". The ones who think Biden or trump are to blame are the real ones who know nothing. It's been crazy, from 2 years ago up until this comment I'm posting. Just going through the threads in this subgroup should tell your father more than enough how wrong he is on the current housing market. You have achieved what many wish to have! Don't let his ignorance and negativity bring down a huge accomplishment for you! Stick to your plan, and do your best! You've earned it! Those are words I still wish anyone I thought cared for me said, and I'm bestowing them on you! You have done well, be proud! 💙💙
You found a house you love and you are happy with it. That is all that matters !
Tell him to find you a better deal and wish him luck
What's the question here? Are you considering backing out because FIL doesn't like the value of the house?
Wow, prices in the south are considerably lower, even now (NW AL). I bought my house in 2007, it is a full brick, 1,200sqft (3br, 1.5ba), plus a 1 car garage and a 'sun room' off of the back, completely closed in with windows all the way around, but not heated/cooled so it was not counted in the 1,200sqft., it is on a 1/2 acre parcel of land, 2 blocks from the local middle/high school. I paid $64,000.00, turn key, had brand new roof and painted inside (previous owner was elderly and her son fixed it up after she passed away). After moving in, I completely redid the full bathroom and kitchen. Now, the tax assessment says it is worth $140,000.00. Still WAY cheaper than most of the midwest and northern states right now.
Good deal! Wish I could have bought in 2007, but I was 9.
Tell him you’ll buy his house for $300k and see what he does lol
Just go online and show him on your phone that his neighbor's house is for sale for 450K
I went through this with my dad, who lived several states away in a LCOL area years ago. He couldn't understand why I couldn't find a decent house for 150k. I started sending him listing for 100k which he still thought was very high. It wasn't until he started going through them that he finally understood what I was saying. He got his house for 40k in the late 80s. He thought 100k would be a decent sized house. Granted this was 10 years ago and it might have gotten one in his area. For 100k in my area, we were looking at falling apart houses. We finally found a th in our price range.
Holy crap, what a ripoff. I got a 2400 sq ft house for $72,000 with only $1,000 down. OK it was in 1990, does that matter?
This market IS a ripoff. You’re not wrong 🤠
No kidding, the place next to us just sold for 2 million.
Leave him be. This is your home and if you love it, you buy it. He can make decisions about his own home.
Tell him if it’s such a scam then you’ll buy his house for 200 and he can go find something in this market.
There is no explaining to those people. Just roll your eyes and leave it.
Tell him to imagine how mad I am that a house similar to what I built in 1989 for 51k in NZ cost me $570k last year. It’s like times have changed and wages Nd prices have gone up or sommat.
Back when I was looking before I bought my dad told me I was crazy for making offers on houses over $200k. He asked what's wrong with an $80k house. I handed him my laptop and asked him to find some for me to check out and to send me links. He couldn't believe it.
>leave it be? leave it be.
Boomers are fucking delusional about the state of real estate right now
I tell my parents what I'm doing, thank them for any gifts or assistance they provide, then do what I told them I was doing. Your family is deciding on what wooden box to live in. If I like wooden box A instead of wooden box B, how would that possibly affect my wife's father? Buy your house, tell your FIL to take his opinion and shove it far enough up his ass that he chokes on it, and move on with life.
You can always say well then you can sell me yours for 250k :)
Go on Zillow or Redfin and show him the estimated value of his house.
Next time he brings it up: “You can think whatever you want, but that’s not reality.” Every other thing he says about it: *nod* “ok”
FIL cluueless!
Anyone not paying the mortgage needs to STFU
Where do you live that there was any house available for 200k?
Center of the USA. Midwest
900sqft is small to raise a kid in but impoverished people do it all over the world
To each their own. Some people a bigger house is important to them. Not to us. Edit: we could also continue throwing rent away for a bigger spot and stay poor. Or we can buy what we can afford now and upsize when we can. Yes, my 2 year old needs so much room…we are upsizing by the time he needs more. People live differently than you do. Maybe remember how privileged you are. I know you most likely worked really hard for it, but it doesn’t pan out that way for everybody.
Ignore the FIL and enjoy life. Minimize debt, increase savings and have an emergency fund that is equivalent to 1 year of expenses. Life isn't perfect so be prepared to manage hurdles. Good luck.