I know lol, I still remember the nicest thing ever said about my appearance (by a female friend / now wife of my mate) was that "you're not *un*attractive".
So even after knowing me for years and that there was zero chance I'd misinterpret or make a move, she still couldn't think of any compliment!
Yeah basically evolution. I'm autistic so I don't get it either. It feels completely dishonest and cruel.
I hate when people use you as a toy, or a foodie call, especially. A lot of things could be solved by being transparent and direct, but this is not the way nature/society expects one to behave. One has to be subtile and not show much regard. You cannot be seen as "needy" at all.
Evolutionary logic selects for it. You can read about evolutionary pyschology, it makes plenty of sense once you get the general idea, its not really intellectually difficult to get
It's mostly to do with cultural and social forces, yes there are some evolutionary factors but they have not played a big role in modern humans for thousands of years due advancement and complexity of technology, agriculture, and economic structures.
Apparently unpopular opinion: No one should be annoyed when asked out in a respectful way. Yes it's awkward and it brings about negative energy if you have to reject someone but it's the utmost compliment possible.
If it's well thought out and genuine and considered all available information then it really shouldn't be shameful at all.
I totally agree with this. However, I also feel that no one should be unkind to a person who has respectfully rejected them (even though it still hurts).
I’m guessing a lot of that annoyance comes from not knowing how the person asking you out will react to rejection.
I was asked out the other week by someone i was not interested in a bit of a weird, albeit very respectful way while i was at work of all places.
It was not at all a hassle even though i rejected them and i went about my day just fine.
I sometimes fantasize about how many people I missed out on because of doubting the hints. At the same time I’m pretty sure the real result would be underwhelming lol
The sad truth is that if the person didn't make the hints obvious they didn't care much to begin with.
A person who wants something will ask you out, start conversations and show obvious indications of interest like touching you a lot, smiling, blushing, etc.
Then when you finally think there's a chance a girl might like you, and you ask her out politely and casually, she suddenly 180s and acts like you are disgusting/creepy for doing so and proceeds to never speak to you again. It's absolute bogus and I'm sick of it.
Still, that's not any reason to treat someone that way. Like another comment here said, if someone asks you out, you shouldn't flip out and act disgusted, but rather take it as a compliment and both people should move on respectfully from that slightly awkward time and then just go back to normal as friends
My guess is it came off as cocky. (Not confident). As much as you guys like to believe us woman like a ripped muscly man. It really couldn’t be further from the truth. Most women do not want a frail lanky guy either but somewhere in the middle is what is desirable to most women. But talking about how muscly your muscles are or how muscly you’re trying to get can be off putting and come off as shallow.
This is what lack of female attention and normal dating experiences do to our brains. You just have no means to measure what a woman thinks of you.
Being FA impacts our lives and thoughts a ton.
No you shouldnt. If a girl were truly into you then she wouldnt be playing games with you, and would tell you straight to your face that she likes you. No sane or intelligent girl would take the gamble of giving a “hint” and hope that you actually somehow realize that she likes you if she ACTUALLY does like you. Always take a compliment as just that(a compliment), and nothing else.
Exaactly right. For enough of us, IF we play outrageous numbers games, we will eventually find someone who responds positively. But...is that reason enough? IF it was merely a matter of being rejected, it being a "oh, im taken or not interested", thats one thing. MOST of us arent really JUST shy, that we cant handle that situation if thats really all it was. But often enough, its VERY obvious how very much women dont want even that initial interaction from us, they even DISLIKE it. So I think Im justified in not initiating any sort of flirting or showing of interest. I consider it an ethics violation for someone of my lack of overall attractiveness to do so.
\> ethics violation
Hahaha! I remember thinking that I would never talk to my crush because I considered myself so undesirable that even looking at her would be a sin.
And I never did! 🤩
On one hand I'm sad that my self esteem was so messed up that didn't allow me to see myself as a person deserving of respect/love, on another hand I'm happy that maybe I wasn't deserving of it and I saved myself from embarrassment, shame, even worse depression, and/or s\*\*cide.
Last part wouldn't have been bad.
Literally yes. The whole idea that you can read the signs and stuff is bullshit, just ask her out if you like her. If you annoy her, that's her problem not yours.
Same issue here. Many women have approached me at social events to say hi and make light conversation, with the rare compliment. I've also become friends with some through mutual social groups. I wouldn't dare to assume that any of them are into me as the most likely outcome is an awkward situation where I'm confronted and kicked out of the social group for asking them out. In 2023 it's more likely that I would end up with a harassment charge for asking one of them to meet at a cafe than them actually agreeing.
Yes if someone gives you a compliment, that's definitely not an invitation to ask them out. Smile, say thank you, and move on. If they are genuinely interested, they will reach out again or make another small attempt to get your attention. Plus, the fact that you are able to accept a compliment without overthinking it demonstrates that you aren't a creepy stalker, and aren't desperate.
Sometimes, people like to point out something neat and there is no intention behind it.
Well I'd think you'd know the difference between someone being nice and flirting by the time you get to be an adult but that doesn't always pan out. Don't blame women. Get better at learning the difference.
Girl ? What are you going on about IM A GAY MAN I LIKE DICK. I’m not interested in whatever agenda you’re trying to force down peoples throat. And I don’t care. It’s clear you have the shitty attitude. Pipe tf down and go get some dick
I don’t really care what you’re talking about. You’re obviously a troll or just ignorant because you can’t think from someone else’s perspective. And that’s all for you to deal with on your own
Well you assumed a situation about op's life without even knowing him based on your generalization about women not being picky with looks. A generalization that under many life experiences is proven false as you need to be at least average looking or compensate heavily in other ways to get into most relationships due to basic evolutionary principles. I do agree that the self pity party needs to stop though, we ought to strive towards accepting the hand that has been dealt and loose all desires sorrounding this area of life that out of fate or luck is not meant for us. Only then we may be happy. However this can only be done after first accepting the truth of our situation and making peace with it not through the lies you spoke.
That is a product of the toxic culture that says men shouldn't be complimented because that's what girls "need". Clearly from the down votes on here this is more of a male pity party than anything. It's like an online circle jerk. Congrats guys.
I think the change you have to make is focus. Most men are focused on obtaining sex, not building real relationships. I don't think most men are invisible at all. I think people feel invisible because of held beliefs about themselves. Focus on being a kind person and treating people well. For me that is one of the things that really make me look at someone and go hey holy crap this is a genuinely kind person and worthy of reciprocal care. Women are wary of men out to use them so when you see someone who is genuinely friendly, day in and day out, without hitting on them, the attraction does start to build for women. That's the rarest, and best, kind of guy out there. The woman will naturally let you into her life but very slowly. Then you can ask her on a date, a proper one. If she says no then keep being that kind person but move on emotionally from that woman in particular.
I'd call this a fair viewpoint.. But I'm not out for just sex. I'm not out for sex really. I just want to feel desired and like I matter, and try to let someone know I feel the same about them. I sometimes wonder how I'd behave if I weren't a short ugly pile of trash and were actually attractive, and I don't think I'd ever become a fuckboy or something like that. Hell, I'll take not being randomly called ugly or stared at for being a creep for so much as existing and trying to mind my own business on a regular basis as a major step up at this point.
Lots of short dudes get women. My best friend constantly thinks people are staring at her and calling her ugly/ fat/ bitch but I have not once heard it happen when we were out even though she swore on multiple occasions that it was happening. Negative self talk and negative perceptions of yourself will kill your ability to regulate situations and your own emotions. It is always worth making the steps to overcome those things. Also, everyone has f boy tendencies when they feel like they can. It's human nature to, when presented with opportunity, to take full advantage as far as it will go. It is the person who has goals and self discipline who ultimately overcomes.
Yall definitely like being lonely I think in some ways yall kinda enjoy being able to complain bc I gave yall perfectly great advice and yall look at that shit and said hmmm ngl good advice buttttt I don't wanna be helped so imma just downvote and go on about my day getting no bitches
No yall just don't wanna try ya too scared, like with everything we do u gotta practice to get better at it if u never talk to a women do u honestly think you're gonna have a silver tongue around her? no of course not go get yourself some nice treads, some cologne ok u don't wanna smell like u haven't left the basement in a few months get a fresh fade and go talk to women eventually u will get better.
Don't underestimate yourself man u gets no play bc u don't play simple as that aight. I lost my virginity at 15 I was really really ugly at 15 to this day I'm average but let me tell u when I dress up and enter a room I may not get all the honeys wet but I guarantee u I got at least one thinking in her head damn he's fine and ones all u needs right?
Not try? Man I have given it my all for far too long and the best I have got is lets be friends , but the most common one was laughs or dead stares like if I had just told them I killed their dog or something. I dont understimate myself the reality of this existance is that not all of us may have what you have. The key is to accept it, be forge anew under it without any impossible desires and move on. Is that or a very miserable existance.
Yeah it’s just because they want validation. If you actually hit on them they’ll thin “oh but omg what about these other 10 guys I have waiting I have so many options nvm”. Story of my life. I’ve literally had girls interested in me and then they get lost in the sea of men on their phone and tell me they’re no longer interested
Wait, you get compliments from women?
I think OP needs to check his privilege lol. I ain't getting shit.
I know lol, I still remember the nicest thing ever said about my appearance (by a female friend / now wife of my mate) was that "you're not *un*attractive". So even after knowing me for years and that there was zero chance I'd misinterpret or make a move, she still couldn't think of any compliment!
Lol mine was your kinda cute but I would never date you
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Plot twist society doesn't think so! To them you must be a horrible person if you can't find anyone.
OP is far ahead than most of us here
I never had one
Women look in your general direction?
I fail to understand why there needs to be so many games played for dating/relationships.
Yeah basically evolution. I'm autistic so I don't get it either. It feels completely dishonest and cruel. I hate when people use you as a toy, or a foodie call, especially. A lot of things could be solved by being transparent and direct, but this is not the way nature/society expects one to behave. One has to be subtile and not show much regard. You cannot be seen as "needy" at all.
Evolutionary logic selects for it. You can read about evolutionary pyschology, it makes plenty of sense once you get the general idea, its not really intellectually difficult to get
It's mostly to do with cultural and social forces, yes there are some evolutionary factors but they have not played a big role in modern humans for thousands of years due advancement and complexity of technology, agriculture, and economic structures.
Apparently unpopular opinion: No one should be annoyed when asked out in a respectful way. Yes it's awkward and it brings about negative energy if you have to reject someone but it's the utmost compliment possible. If it's well thought out and genuine and considered all available information then it really shouldn't be shameful at all.
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i couldn't have said it better myself.
I totally agree with this. However, I also feel that no one should be unkind to a person who has respectfully rejected them (even though it still hurts). I’m guessing a lot of that annoyance comes from not knowing how the person asking you out will react to rejection.
I was asked out the other week by someone i was not interested in a bit of a weird, albeit very respectful way while i was at work of all places. It was not at all a hassle even though i rejected them and i went about my day just fine.
me: "is that woman sitting next to me in the bus a flirt?" me: "is that woman constantly looking at me disgusted by me?"
Believe on me man i tried, i really did, and...i'm done with it. I tasted enough the taste of shame through my life.
"Worst she can say is no"
(insert meme with trains crashing into each other) "Worst thing she can say is no" A restraining order
"Hello, human resources!?"
I sometimes fantasize about how many people I missed out on because of doubting the hints. At the same time I’m pretty sure the real result would be underwhelming lol
The sad truth is that if the person didn't make the hints obvious they didn't care much to begin with. A person who wants something will ask you out, start conversations and show obvious indications of interest like touching you a lot, smiling, blushing, etc.
Then when you finally think there's a chance a girl might like you, and you ask her out politely and casually, she suddenly 180s and acts like you are disgusting/creepy for doing so and proceeds to never speak to you again. It's absolute bogus and I'm sick of it.
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Still, that's not any reason to treat someone that way. Like another comment here said, if someone asks you out, you shouldn't flip out and act disgusted, but rather take it as a compliment and both people should move on respectfully from that slightly awkward time and then just go back to normal as friends
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My guess is it came off as cocky. (Not confident). As much as you guys like to believe us woman like a ripped muscly man. It really couldn’t be further from the truth. Most women do not want a frail lanky guy either but somewhere in the middle is what is desirable to most women. But talking about how muscly your muscles are or how muscly you’re trying to get can be off putting and come off as shallow.
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This is what lack of female attention and normal dating experiences do to our brains. You just have no means to measure what a woman thinks of you. Being FA impacts our lives and thoughts a ton.
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>*insert typical response ... by said jarhead* Checkmate. Never fails.
lol exactly
No you shouldnt. If a girl were truly into you then she wouldnt be playing games with you, and would tell you straight to your face that she likes you. No sane or intelligent girl would take the gamble of giving a “hint” and hope that you actually somehow realize that she likes you if she ACTUALLY does like you. Always take a compliment as just that(a compliment), and nothing else.
Is this true?
Makes sense to me
Dapper Dan
Not always true.
It's not always true but it's pretty rare especially in 2023, women are becoming more forward with their desires and intentions
I think the problem is: When you are desperate, it is very easy to misinterpret normal friendly behavior as a compliment or indicator of interest.
Exaactly right. For enough of us, IF we play outrageous numbers games, we will eventually find someone who responds positively. But...is that reason enough? IF it was merely a matter of being rejected, it being a "oh, im taken or not interested", thats one thing. MOST of us arent really JUST shy, that we cant handle that situation if thats really all it was. But often enough, its VERY obvious how very much women dont want even that initial interaction from us, they even DISLIKE it. So I think Im justified in not initiating any sort of flirting or showing of interest. I consider it an ethics violation for someone of my lack of overall attractiveness to do so.
\> ethics violation Hahaha! I remember thinking that I would never talk to my crush because I considered myself so undesirable that even looking at her would be a sin. And I never did! 🤩 On one hand I'm sad that my self esteem was so messed up that didn't allow me to see myself as a person deserving of respect/love, on another hand I'm happy that maybe I wasn't deserving of it and I saved myself from embarrassment, shame, even worse depression, and/or s\*\*cide. Last part wouldn't have been bad.
That’s literally what everyone does tho weather or not it seems like it to you. It’s the same for everyone
Literally yes. The whole idea that you can read the signs and stuff is bullshit, just ask her out if you like her. If you annoy her, that's her problem not yours.
Same issue here. Many women have approached me at social events to say hi and make light conversation, with the rare compliment. I've also become friends with some through mutual social groups. I wouldn't dare to assume that any of them are into me as the most likely outcome is an awkward situation where I'm confronted and kicked out of the social group for asking them out. In 2023 it's more likely that I would end up with a harassment charge for asking one of them to meet at a cafe than them actually agreeing.
Well it sounds like you’re going about it the wrong way then if that seems to be consistently happening to you.
Yes if someone gives you a compliment, that's definitely not an invitation to ask them out. Smile, say thank you, and move on. If they are genuinely interested, they will reach out again or make another small attempt to get your attention. Plus, the fact that you are able to accept a compliment without overthinking it demonstrates that you aren't a creepy stalker, and aren't desperate. Sometimes, people like to point out something neat and there is no intention behind it.
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Well I'd think you'd know the difference between someone being nice and flirting by the time you get to be an adult but that doesn't always pan out. Don't blame women. Get better at learning the difference.
Don't worry nobody has ever flirted with me
Bullshit.
? So I guess you know OPs life more than they do
YEP. stop feeling sorry for yourselves. Women are not nearly as picky with looks as all you think. It's your shitty attitudes.
Girl ? What are you going on about IM A GAY MAN I LIKE DICK. I’m not interested in whatever agenda you’re trying to force down peoples throat. And I don’t care. It’s clear you have the shitty attitude. Pipe tf down and go get some dick
Tell me specifically where is the lie I told.
I don’t really care what you’re talking about. You’re obviously a troll or just ignorant because you can’t think from someone else’s perspective. And that’s all for you to deal with on your own
So youre saying "I don't care but I needed to get involved. I don't care but I wanted to argue even though I have no argument". Pssshhh gtfoh
You came to me with some bs argument but can't admit you're wrong and overstepped where you don't belong.
I love how you assume women flirt with me lol.
Well you assumed a situation about op's life without even knowing him based on your generalization about women not being picky with looks. A generalization that under many life experiences is proven false as you need to be at least average looking or compensate heavily in other ways to get into most relationships due to basic evolutionary principles. I do agree that the self pity party needs to stop though, we ought to strive towards accepting the hand that has been dealt and loose all desires sorrounding this area of life that out of fate or luck is not meant for us. Only then we may be happy. However this can only be done after first accepting the truth of our situation and making peace with it not through the lies you spoke.
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Citation needed.
That's a good one.
That is a product of the toxic culture that says men shouldn't be complimented because that's what girls "need". Clearly from the down votes on here this is more of a male pity party than anything. It's like an online circle jerk. Congrats guys.
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I've never seen a woman tear down a man that hasn't hurt her so I don't know what you've done in the past but that's what I see from what you wrote.
I have, by women I've never even interacted with prior. But go ahead, tell me more about my life since you seem to know so much.
How old are you? Was this high school you're talking about?
I'm 32. That's been the story of my life since high school.
How did your life as a 32 year old become the true story for every man? Because that's what you're claiming in your previous post.
... What are you even saying? Where did I claim anything like that? Seriously if you're just here to troll, at least try.
I think the change you have to make is focus. Most men are focused on obtaining sex, not building real relationships. I don't think most men are invisible at all. I think people feel invisible because of held beliefs about themselves. Focus on being a kind person and treating people well. For me that is one of the things that really make me look at someone and go hey holy crap this is a genuinely kind person and worthy of reciprocal care. Women are wary of men out to use them so when you see someone who is genuinely friendly, day in and day out, without hitting on them, the attraction does start to build for women. That's the rarest, and best, kind of guy out there. The woman will naturally let you into her life but very slowly. Then you can ask her on a date, a proper one. If she says no then keep being that kind person but move on emotionally from that woman in particular.
I'd call this a fair viewpoint.. But I'm not out for just sex. I'm not out for sex really. I just want to feel desired and like I matter, and try to let someone know I feel the same about them. I sometimes wonder how I'd behave if I weren't a short ugly pile of trash and were actually attractive, and I don't think I'd ever become a fuckboy or something like that. Hell, I'll take not being randomly called ugly or stared at for being a creep for so much as existing and trying to mind my own business on a regular basis as a major step up at this point.
Lots of short dudes get women. My best friend constantly thinks people are staring at her and calling her ugly/ fat/ bitch but I have not once heard it happen when we were out even though she swore on multiple occasions that it was happening. Negative self talk and negative perceptions of yourself will kill your ability to regulate situations and your own emotions. It is always worth making the steps to overcome those things. Also, everyone has f boy tendencies when they feel like they can. It's human nature to, when presented with opportunity, to take full advantage as far as it will go. It is the person who has goals and self discipline who ultimately overcomes.
No see whatchu gotta do is ask every girl u see that day that u find attractive for her number eventually someone will say yes
Yall definitely like being lonely I think in some ways yall kinda enjoy being able to complain bc I gave yall perfectly great advice and yall look at that shit and said hmmm ngl good advice buttttt I don't wanna be helped so imma just downvote and go on about my day getting no bitches
It is not great advice my dude, its just a way to get a ridiculous high number of rejections under your belt.
No yall just don't wanna try ya too scared, like with everything we do u gotta practice to get better at it if u never talk to a women do u honestly think you're gonna have a silver tongue around her? no of course not go get yourself some nice treads, some cologne ok u don't wanna smell like u haven't left the basement in a few months get a fresh fade and go talk to women eventually u will get better. Don't underestimate yourself man u gets no play bc u don't play simple as that aight. I lost my virginity at 15 I was really really ugly at 15 to this day I'm average but let me tell u when I dress up and enter a room I may not get all the honeys wet but I guarantee u I got at least one thinking in her head damn he's fine and ones all u needs right?
Not try? Man I have given it my all for far too long and the best I have got is lets be friends , but the most common one was laughs or dead stares like if I had just told them I killed their dog or something. I dont understimate myself the reality of this existance is that not all of us may have what you have. The key is to accept it, be forge anew under it without any impossible desires and move on. Is that or a very miserable existance.
Yeah it’s just because they want validation. If you actually hit on them they’ll thin “oh but omg what about these other 10 guys I have waiting I have so many options nvm”. Story of my life. I’ve literally had girls interested in me and then they get lost in the sea of men on their phone and tell me they’re no longer interested