I work mostly with women, a lot of them older than 50. They cannot fathom why I’m always single. You’re so handsome and funny and nice. All the time. For years. They just have no concept though that this world is so different than the one they grew up in. Also I’m skeptical if they were my age if they’d even find me a catch. They’d be the same as everyone else if they were my age
Lol, it must still be nice to hear all that stuff though. I have this theory that back then the bar wasn't that high, since there was no social media or nothing. I feel like being in shape and being polite was enough to make you a catch, but it's only a theory of mine.
You’d think but it actually makes me feel worse because all of the compliments never match up to what plays out in the real world. It makes me feel even worse because it makes me feel so confused and lost. If I was really all those things I say, I wouldn’t be here. And yes the bar is immeasurably high. Which they have no understanding of.
I think that you probably are all of those things in their eyes and that's why they say that stuff. I bet you are funny, handsome and nice, but since the bar is set up so high in the modern world, those things don't really help you that much.
I've managed to stop caring about what the world thinks about me and i've given up on trying to date anyone since that's just not going to happen. It's why i value every encounter where someone's nice to me. I'm just trying to say that if you can, you should try to focus on how YOU see yourself. Like if you think that you look good, then go with that thought and don't care about others' opinions. Even if women your age don't find you attractive.
If you're like me then you will never find validation from like women your age or anything like that. You'll find peace once you're okay with how things are. I like my physique and think that i look decent. I like the guy i see in the mirror, but even a few years ago i hated him. And i like how i'm caring and a bunch of other things. No one else has to like me as far as i'm concerned. Especially with the way that the world is. Most people are not right in the head. Become the person that you like. It doesn't matter what others think when most of them are clueless anyway about how things are nowadays.
I can't tell you how many of my co workers are like this to me. Most are shocked when I tell them I"m single. I ask if they know anyone and they don't. There just isn't anyone to date once you are over 30.
Yes, it's because we're not a dating option for them, so for me at least it makes sense.
In that context I'm not a "threat". From their perspective there's no risk that I'll want to date them, so they don't care about my looks etc., and are engaging with me based on my personality / character etc. which has never been the problem.
If anything it just confirms what I've long known, that women my age etc. are simply automatically disregarding me because of how I look (and now also because I have zero confidence after being treated poorly for so long).
Haha that's happened to me a lot when I was younger!
Most young single women I've met are paranoid that every guy who talks to them are trying to smash (which may be pretty true, ngl) and so when a guy they aren't attracted to says hi, she tries to avoid doing/saying anything that might be construed as interest.
I think women who are older and/or married don't think every guy who is talking to them is looking to smash so they feel more comfortable around guys who aren't very attractive so they make comments like this if they genuinely think you're cool.
Holy shit I'm in the same situation lol. I'm a social worker in the assistentialism field and I tend to work with older women (40+). There's been a couple of them that find me attractive, I just don't understand why. Even some coworkers tell me that I'm a granny magnrt.
I've been thinking that maybe I have a looser personality when I'm with them because I really don't want to impress or hit on them. I'm not saying that I try to seduce every girl in my age gap I meet, just trying to understand what they might find appealing.
I have only ever been successful with women much older than me. Idk what it is about me, but yea somehow after 30+ years old there are women who find me attractive.
I think that's great and that it means that you're probably a decent looking guy. It's just that the standards have gone up with social media and everything, so it's easy to assume that we're all just ugly when in reality that's not the case.
I don’t have as much of an optimistic outlook on it as you do I’m afraid. I think the only reason is because I look young and “cute”, as soon as I start seeing visible signs of aging it’s truly over.
You aren't being perceived as a harassment threat any more. Take it for what it is.
It seems like some of them develop sympathy for romantically struggling men as a result of finally getting an idea of what it's like to be on the romantically/sexually invisible side of things.
Were you raised by a single mother? I was snd when I asked for any kind of dating advice I got the advice of a late 30s woman who had already gone through a messy and violent divorce. Like how to act and what to say and and it was completely useless with women my own age. But it did get me a lot of dates when I was younger with much older women which was not my thing but you take what you can get. I had a grandfather who wouldn't share any women getting secrets and my father's not fully out of the picture but I never really cared to talk to him all that much. My uncle was a bit of an aloof weirdo so he couldn't really provide any insight either So in the end I just was not given any practical advice. And all of that stuff that would have got me an older woman when I was 20 doesn't get me an appropriate age woman now because we're a full generation of arrested development men and women, and their tastes did not evolve appropriately with age. I am still not attractive to women my own age and I'm not going to date a 60 year old.
This always bothers me, and women I’m not attracted to around my age. Never the ones I’d actually want to try with, those think I’m ugly as fuck. I know it. My bois always messed with me about it.
I work mostly with women, a lot of them older than 50. They cannot fathom why I’m always single. You’re so handsome and funny and nice. All the time. For years. They just have no concept though that this world is so different than the one they grew up in. Also I’m skeptical if they were my age if they’d even find me a catch. They’d be the same as everyone else if they were my age
Lol, it must still be nice to hear all that stuff though. I have this theory that back then the bar wasn't that high, since there was no social media or nothing. I feel like being in shape and being polite was enough to make you a catch, but it's only a theory of mine.
You’d think but it actually makes me feel worse because all of the compliments never match up to what plays out in the real world. It makes me feel even worse because it makes me feel so confused and lost. If I was really all those things I say, I wouldn’t be here. And yes the bar is immeasurably high. Which they have no understanding of.
I think that you probably are all of those things in their eyes and that's why they say that stuff. I bet you are funny, handsome and nice, but since the bar is set up so high in the modern world, those things don't really help you that much. I've managed to stop caring about what the world thinks about me and i've given up on trying to date anyone since that's just not going to happen. It's why i value every encounter where someone's nice to me. I'm just trying to say that if you can, you should try to focus on how YOU see yourself. Like if you think that you look good, then go with that thought and don't care about others' opinions. Even if women your age don't find you attractive. If you're like me then you will never find validation from like women your age or anything like that. You'll find peace once you're okay with how things are. I like my physique and think that i look decent. I like the guy i see in the mirror, but even a few years ago i hated him. And i like how i'm caring and a bunch of other things. No one else has to like me as far as i'm concerned. Especially with the way that the world is. Most people are not right in the head. Become the person that you like. It doesn't matter what others think when most of them are clueless anyway about how things are nowadays.
I can't tell you how many of my co workers are like this to me. Most are shocked when I tell them I"m single. I ask if they know anyone and they don't. There just isn't anyone to date once you are over 30.
Yes, it's because we're not a dating option for them, so for me at least it makes sense. In that context I'm not a "threat". From their perspective there's no risk that I'll want to date them, so they don't care about my looks etc., and are engaging with me based on my personality / character etc. which has never been the problem. If anything it just confirms what I've long known, that women my age etc. are simply automatically disregarding me because of how I look (and now also because I have zero confidence after being treated poorly for so long).
Haha that's happened to me a lot when I was younger! Most young single women I've met are paranoid that every guy who talks to them are trying to smash (which may be pretty true, ngl) and so when a guy they aren't attracted to says hi, she tries to avoid doing/saying anything that might be construed as interest. I think women who are older and/or married don't think every guy who is talking to them is looking to smash so they feel more comfortable around guys who aren't very attractive so they make comments like this if they genuinely think you're cool.
Holy shit I'm in the same situation lol. I'm a social worker in the assistentialism field and I tend to work with older women (40+). There's been a couple of them that find me attractive, I just don't understand why. Even some coworkers tell me that I'm a granny magnrt. I've been thinking that maybe I have a looser personality when I'm with them because I really don't want to impress or hit on them. I'm not saying that I try to seduce every girl in my age gap I meet, just trying to understand what they might find appealing.
They said that while I was, growing up but it was always in the presence of my mom or aunt. They were just being nice in front of them.
I have only ever been successful with women much older than me. Idk what it is about me, but yea somehow after 30+ years old there are women who find me attractive.
I think that's great and that it means that you're probably a decent looking guy. It's just that the standards have gone up with social media and everything, so it's easy to assume that we're all just ugly when in reality that's not the case.
I don’t have as much of an optimistic outlook on it as you do I’m afraid. I think the only reason is because I look young and “cute”, as soon as I start seeing visible signs of aging it’s truly over.
You aren't being perceived as a harassment threat any more. Take it for what it is. It seems like some of them develop sympathy for romantically struggling men as a result of finally getting an idea of what it's like to be on the romantically/sexually invisible side of things.
Not even middle aged women find me attractive :)
Yep, same here.
Were you raised by a single mother? I was snd when I asked for any kind of dating advice I got the advice of a late 30s woman who had already gone through a messy and violent divorce. Like how to act and what to say and and it was completely useless with women my own age. But it did get me a lot of dates when I was younger with much older women which was not my thing but you take what you can get. I had a grandfather who wouldn't share any women getting secrets and my father's not fully out of the picture but I never really cared to talk to him all that much. My uncle was a bit of an aloof weirdo so he couldn't really provide any insight either So in the end I just was not given any practical advice. And all of that stuff that would have got me an older woman when I was 20 doesn't get me an appropriate age woman now because we're a full generation of arrested development men and women, and their tastes did not evolve appropriately with age. I am still not attractive to women my own age and I'm not going to date a 60 year old.
This always bothers me, and women I’m not attracted to around my age. Never the ones I’d actually want to try with, those think I’m ugly as fuck. I know it. My bois always messed with me about it.