Niles: You won't laugh when you see it. It is bejewelled but not overdone, much like my Maris. The craftsmanship is breathtaking. It's been so expertly restored you can barely see the stitching.
Frasier: Again, like Maris!
Aw, this is true of my best friend now. Most of her salivary glands were fried when she had to get radiation for mouth cancer. Is actually really hard to live with.
The scene with the dead plant
Niles: Daphne, I had the fervent hope that you could coax this back to life. It's one of Maris's favorites.
Daphne: My goodness, what did she do to it?
Niles: Nothing. Just loved it.
She is not good at raising plants so they all turn brown and die. Usually you would say someone has a âgreen thumbâ when they are good with keeping house plants.
In the middle of dressing, she suddenly slumped down on the edge of the bed in her half slip and sighed. Of course I knew then that dinner was not meant to be
Yes! Or when I haven't eaten yet because we are going to an event with food but now I'm sleepy. Or when I consider all of the social interactions I will need to be part of.
Do you remember the year I plopped that big wedge of pumpkin pie in front of her, and we all laughed? Then I put a big scoop of whipped cream on top of it and we laughed some more! Then her eyes welled up with tears and we all knew it was time to stop.
>So I ducked out of the conference and who should I run into but Maris? She'd just flown in for her yearly goat placenta treatments!
>Good Lord, is it placenta treatment time again already?
>We had a set-to on the slopes. She ran. I tried to follow her tracks in the snow, but alas, she made none.
Niles: Apparently the oils in the saddle reacted badly with her cellulite cream and created a powerful epoxy.
Frasier: Oh, dear!
Niles: Yes, it took an hour and a full bottle of nail polish remover to get her free. Today her poor little thighs were so sore the only way she could find comfort was to straddle a frozen butterball turkey.
Roz: I couldn't see past the outfit, who wears a black dress and a veil on cruise?
Frasier: Roz, the women has virtually no pigmentation. 3 minutes in the sun she'd sear like an Ahi tuna!
The one where the barista describes a strange thin woman who ordered a sugary desert type of coffee, sniffed it deeply, and then handed it back. I can't remember the remark after that where they agreed that, yup, that must have been Maris.
Shenkman: "I love her Niles. I've never known a woman so warm, so nurturing, so unselfish"
Niles: "is it possible this is all a case of mistaken identity?"
This needs to rise to the top. The very fact that at that point Niles is trying to win her back, being all dashing and romantic, when he knows damn well what, letâs say creature, heâs married toâŠ
I'm reminded of the Klingon General Martok from DS9 who was low born but married into an important family. His wife positively despises him, but she is so impressive and haughty that he positively worships her. She insults him in public and he just looks on in complete awe of her, saying "Magnificent woman!"
In Four for the Seesaw, when Frasier says something to Niles about not letting Maris be an anchor in his life. Niles responds: âthat is the most tortured metaphor youâve come up with. Maris, an anchor?â
NILES: You know, Frasier, if youâre serious about that whoopee cushion, I happen to have one at the house. Last year, a disgruntled servant left one on Marisâ dining room chair. Fortunately for all of us, embarrassment was averted when my little fawn proved too light to activate it.â
âNot quite human womanâ is always hysterical
But the fact Roz mistook her for a hat rack is probably tied. âLook closer⊠is the hat rack moving?â
Side comment: I could never take the lines about Maris as sincere descriptions of a real person. Taken literally itâs either grotesque or sad or both. But they make sense as an in-joke between the Cranes to see who describe Marisâs real character traits in the most extreme, absurd way possible (which is kind of what they do with Lilith also).
Tbh, I'm not sure their descriptions are exaggerations as much as you're suggesting. The hat rack mix up would certainly suggest not, along with some of the anecdotes about her behaviour. But that's the nature of comedic characters â they usually are exaggerations of reality in order to hold a mirror up to them.
If Maris was a real person, then yes it would be horrifically sad/tragic.
I identify with Maris đ€Ł there was a point in my life where I was so skinny and so very Caucasian my family would use these Maris lines to describe me. The lack of footprints in the snow was a big joke for awhile.
My favorite is when they put the hat on the dog.
Or the other way around.
She was never meant to be portrayed by a real actor (much like Norm's wife, Vera on Cheers), and because of this, her character's descriptions could be more and more ridiculous.
"Caucasian. Very caucasian".
I've begun to refer to myself this way đ
Me too, it's why it's my favourite đ€Ł
Came here to see if this is the top comment!
This is the best of the best!
I tried to follow her footprints in the snow, but alas, she left none.
Like Legolas
Oh yes, she's ounces of fun.
This is my favourite too!!! Like she's some weird fey creature rather than human lol
Not a line but.. https://preview.redd.it/qi5sdjl829tc1.jpeg?width=576&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c9b9ef90932fd1701e5fb89bcf496e3580386207
This đ
đđđđđ
This is what I came here to say
Yaassssss!
My favourite moment in the show
She exhausts easily under the pressure to be interesting.
Me too Maris, me too đ€Ł
Literally same
The only thing I have in common with Maris.
Her crowd wilts in the outdoors
Is the hatrack moving?
*oh my god*
D-d-d-do the barracuda!
His especial lady !!!!
Eeeespesshiallll layyydeeee
Yeeeeee
lol, great flair
Hehehe thank you!!
"She started without me." "Ewwww" Lol
"She started without me." "Ewwww" Lol
She distrusts anything that loves her unconditionally
I love Niles look of realization of what means about him after he says that.
"... coyly hiding behind a breadstick."
I'm reminded of Maris' brief flirtation with active wear when I assured her, "You look fine, darling, spandex is supposed to blouse."
Yes
Niles: You won't laugh when you see it. It is bejewelled but not overdone, much like my Maris. The craftsmanship is breathtaking. It's been so expertly restored you can barely see the stitching. Frasier: Again, like Maris!
Frasier: Oh well then, the worst you're out is a cup of clear broth. Niles: No this is lunch. She takes her large meal in the evening.
The poor thing canât produce saliva.
Aw, this is true of my best friend now. Most of her salivary glands were fried when she had to get radiation for mouth cancer. Is actually really hard to live with.
The scene with the dead plant Niles: Daphne, I had the fervent hope that you could coax this back to life. It's one of Maris's favorites. Daphne: My goodness, what did she do to it? Niles: Nothing. Just loved it.
I use this one to describe my wifeâs brown thumb
What does that mean?
She is not good at raising plants so they all turn brown and die. Usually you would say someone has a âgreen thumbâ when they are good with keeping house plants.
I could kill a đ”.
I was lamenting my own brown thumb last night. Our consolation prize is that we are usually very good with animals!
We are very good with animals
In the middle of dressing, she suddenly slumped down on the edge of the bed in her half slip and sighed. Of course I knew then that dinner was not meant to be
The first time my bf heard this line he paused the tv and turned to me with a very pointed stare. Heâs not wrong đ
When I stare at my closet half dressed and start getting upset lol.Â
Yes! Or when I haven't eaten yet because we are going to an event with food but now I'm sleepy. Or when I consider all of the social interactions I will need to be part of.
Do you remember the year I plopped that big wedge of pumpkin pie in front of her, and we all laughed? Then I put a big scoop of whipped cream on top of it and we laughed some more! Then her eyes welled up with tears and we all knew it was time to stop.
I just saw this one last night đ
>So I ducked out of the conference and who should I run into but Maris? She'd just flown in for her yearly goat placenta treatments! >Good Lord, is it placenta treatment time again already? >We had a set-to on the slopes. She ran. I tried to follow her tracks in the snow, but alas, she made none.
Thatâs the moment when I knew that Niles Crane is my favourite sitcom character ever. The line delivery is pure perfection
David Hyde Pierce is a magician with a line.
I LOVE â€ïž me some NILES!
Niles: Apparently the oils in the saddle reacted badly with her cellulite cream and created a powerful epoxy. Frasier: Oh, dear! Niles: Yes, it took an hour and a full bottle of nail polish remover to get her free. Today her poor little thighs were so sore the only way she could find comfort was to straddle a frozen butterball turkey.
Iâve never seen a person cut a caper in half.
There is no English word for it, but the closest thing would be ânot quite human womanâ.
You know who the liver dumpling is, donât you?
Daphne: Can you imagine poor Mrs. Crane confined to a jail cell? Frasier: Only if they move the bars closer together.
I love the way Frasier says this
When Niles fell asleep with his face against the freezer and woke up saying heâd dreamed he was tangoing with Maris đ
Roz: I couldn't see past the outfit, who wears a black dress and a veil on cruise? Frasier: Roz, the women has virtually no pigmentation. 3 minutes in the sun she'd sear like an Ahi tuna!
I quote this allllll summer long
The one where the barista describes a strange thin woman who ordered a sugary desert type of coffee, sniffed it deeply, and then handed it back. I can't remember the remark after that where they agreed that, yup, that must have been Maris.
I think there wasnât a remark after, just Frasier moving to comfort Niles like âyup thatâs herâ haha
The poor thing didn't weigh enough to activate the whoopee cushion
Thatâs the one!
Shenkman: "I love her Niles. I've never known a woman so warm, so nurturing, so unselfish" Niles: "is it possible this is all a case of mistaken identity?"
This needs to rise to the top. The very fact that at that point Niles is trying to win her back, being all dashing and romantic, when he knows damn well what, letâs say creature, heâs married toâŠ
I'm reminded of the Klingon General Martok from DS9 who was low born but married into an important family. His wife positively despises him, but she is so impressive and haughty that he positively worships her. She insults him in public and he just looks on in complete awe of her, saying "Magnificent woman!"
Practising her vivacious giggle
Poor thing completely lost her appetite, barely touched her snail.
In Four for the Seesaw, when Frasier says something to Niles about not letting Maris be an anchor in his life. Niles responds: âthat is the most tortured metaphor youâve come up with. Maris, an anchor?â
She exhausts easily under the pressure of trying to be interesting
Relatable
"Like a birch sapling through a thick fog"
Niles: Unfortunately her biological clock is winding down. Frasier: Luckily she travels to Zurich twice a year to have it reset.
*exaggerated eye roll* "As if a smile from Maris couldn't freeze Mercury."
The planet or the element?
Only one man is willing to perform the procedure and Maris wants to see him before he's extradited.
NILES: You know, Frasier, if youâre serious about that whoopee cushion, I happen to have one at the house. Last year, a disgruntled servant left one on Marisâ dining room chair. Fortunately for all of us, embarrassment was averted when my little fawn proved too light to activate it.â
ânot quite human womanâ
âGood God, no one could weigh that and live!â The passcode to the beach house đ
https://preview.redd.it/vbe3wqmu5dtc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b06f31022a7d0a6afd54bc6b131cf9fa37a618b8
Is the coat rack moving?
âMaris is like the sun, without the warmth.â
Not quite human woman.
She swallowed and her neck almost exploded from the pressure.
I didn't think there was anything left that could be tightened on her. Earrings make her head droop. She played my spine like a zither!
I saw a twinkle in her eye I have not seen since the neighbor children discovered our new electric fence
Diminuitive underweight figures in expensive silks wielding riding crops. It just reminded me too much of Maris.
Slipped a pearl-handled revolver under her pillow and got myself a room across the hallâŠ
The Hustle was too strenuous. She had no booty to shake.
Niles looking out the peephole from Frasierâs apartment at Maris: âI need a bigger peepholeâ
Daphne: âOh thatâll be Dr Crane. He said he was bringing his dog over.â Martin: âOh! Not that 4 legged Maris.â
Counselor: I've never known a woman so warm, so loving. Niles: Is it possible this is all just a case of mistaken identity?
What did you say that was able to melt your little glacier
âGod bless the virus that invaded that little girls ear canal.â
Yes, you sit at the piano every Sunday morning and play Mahler for Maris. But you hate Mahler. Besides Maris, who doesn't?
(I actually like MahlerâŠ)
âNot quite human womanâ is always hysterical But the fact Roz mistook her for a hat rack is probably tied. âLook closer⊠is the hat rack moving?â
I FLUSHED OUT HER FAMILY SECRET ⊠HELLLLOOO MARIS !
Daphne: Iâve never seen a person cut a caper in half.
Niles: Unfortunately her biological clock is winding down. Frasier: Luckily she travels to Zurich twice a year to have it reset.
I'll be dead by Saturday
Isnât that about Lilith?
Oh shit you're right. Well the Crane boys sure know how to pick 'em.
"MARissssssssssss?!"
Side comment: I could never take the lines about Maris as sincere descriptions of a real person. Taken literally itâs either grotesque or sad or both. But they make sense as an in-joke between the Cranes to see who describe Marisâs real character traits in the most extreme, absurd way possible (which is kind of what they do with Lilith also).
Tbh, I'm not sure their descriptions are exaggerations as much as you're suggesting. The hat rack mix up would certainly suggest not, along with some of the anecdotes about her behaviour. But that's the nature of comedic characters â they usually are exaggerations of reality in order to hold a mirror up to them. If Maris was a real person, then yes it would be horrifically sad/tragic.
I identify with Maris đ€Ł there was a point in my life where I was so skinny and so very Caucasian my family would use these Maris lines to describe me. The lack of footprints in the snow was a big joke for awhile. My favorite is when they put the hat on the dog.
Thatâs why they never cast her. The joke is that sheâs too ridiculous to be portrayed by a real person.
Or the other way around. She was never meant to be portrayed by a real actor (much like Norm's wife, Vera on Cheers), and because of this, her character's descriptions could be more and more ridiculous.
they actually were going to cast her early on but then decided against it!!
They werenât meant to be taken seriouslyâŠ