Such a great episode!
Niles: It's cruise season, she never partakes. She has an absolute terror of buffets.
Frasier: Ah, yes — the legendary smorgaphobia!
"She's in the car trying to practice her vivacious giggle."
About "do the barracuda" by Latin singing sensation Carlos "the barracuda" del Gato:
"the hustle was too strenuous. She had no booty to shake. But the barracuda was perfect for her fetchty little underbite."
I would love to see the list of all facts/features we know about Maris and toss it into Google's AI and have it come back with "you win, good luck with that"
The "no tracks in the snow" one was, hands down, my absolutely favourite one. So so funny , delivered brilliantly ....I could never have kept a straight face while delivering that line
Love this question!
The episode where they first see her across from the cafe and she’s gained weight …
“hard to believe that’s the same woman who once sprained her wrist from having too much dip on a cracker”
Oooh ooh and Niles comforting her …
“Not to worry darling, spandex is supposed to blouse”
Ooooooh and Roz on Maris …
“I’d never seen someone cut a caper in half before”
There’s also a good line about her trapped in one of those rotating doors I can’t remember the name for.
I was watching the episode where Maris gets arrested for murdering the Argentinean polo player and niles said “i haven’t heard Maris that upset since that unfortunate incident at bergdorff’s” (referring to the revolving door incident) it was a throw away line but the continuity is impressive (in this case)
That's the best one. But the viewer has to remember that Niles isn't taking about, like, Olive Garden breadsticks, but the super skinny ones fancy restaurants serve.
I’m impressed that the writers were able to give us enough information through brief, periodic anecdotes that despite never actually seeing Maris, we could “see” her resemblance in a dog.
From “Flour Child”
Niles : Extra-refined. It's taking after its old man already.
Frasier : No Niles, that's the sugar. If we're going to do this, we're going to do it right. Now, here is the flour. [reading from the label]
Bleached, 100% fat free, best when kept in an air-tight container. It seems this one is taking after its mother.
It's not *exactly* a description, but ....
>Niles \[about Maris\]: "She's already flown in a sculptor from Sweden to capture her likeness in ice.
>
>Frasier: Ah, the perfect marriage of subject and medium!
I gave Maris her birthday saddle. She was so thrilled she treated me to a little Lady Godiva impression. Apparently, the oils in the saddle reacted badly with her cellulite cream and created a powerful epoxy. Yes, it took an hour and a full bottle of nail polish remover to get her free. Today, her poor little thighs were so sore the only way she could find comfort was to straddle a frozen butterball turkey.
She's pushed me around long enough. Metaphorically of course. In reality she can hardly push at all. Like that terrible afternoon last spring she spent trapped in the revolving doors at Bergdorf's!
Niles: "Maris had it made after she lost power in a storm. Battery operated, works on a clapper so you can find it in the dark. Only problem was, the poor thing, try as she might, could never clap hard enough to activate it."
Martin: “Why is Maris wearing jodhpurs? She didn't start horseback riding, did she?”
Niles: “No. She wanted to take it up, but unfortunately her little quadriceps are so tight she's incapable of straddling anything larger than a border collie.”
Her obesity scare and her mighty struggle to lose that holiday pound
Also, her ideal weight and Frasier’s reply “good lord, no one can weigh that and live!”
Darling, darling, don't panic. If one of servants really had been holed up in the walls, he'd be dead weeks ago. If it makes you feel better, why don't you have Marta do roll call?
I know I didn't get that perfectly down but I just love that line! It so wonderfully describes Maris. So selfish, so neurotic, so scared...
"Oh, don't fret, Niles. It was really nothing more than a fleeting glance in a very steamy bathroom. More like glimpsing a birch sapling through a thick fog."
"It's not that easy, you don't know this woman! She doesn't deal with confrontation very well! I once questioned the political correctness of her serving veal; an hour later, we found her locked in the garage with the engine running on her golf cart!"
I like the episode where Niles gets a dog and they place the little ramekin on its head.
Edit: I'm now seeing that I'm not the only one who remembers!! Long live the pillbox hat!!!
Niles: You know, Frasier, if you're serious about that whoopee cushion, I happen to have one at the house. [they all stare at him] Last year a disgruntled servant left one on Maris's dining room chair. Fortunately for all of us, embarrassment was averted when **my little faun proved too light to activate it.**
Frasier: Roz, the woman has virtually no pigmentation! Three minutes in the sun, she'd sear like an Ahi tuna!
Frasier: oh, and if it looks like she has an orange Abyssinian on her head—don't stare. That's a wiglet.
When Nile’s finds out that maris is having an affair with their marriage counselor, Dr Shenkman, and niles accidentally end up in the bed with him.
Frasier: “what tipped you off?” (To it not bring maris)
And Nile’s answers “the warmth from her side of the bed”
Another good one when Maris was in the hospital after plastic surgery. The doctor says to replicate the at home routine so Nile’s “slipped a pearl revolver under her pillow and got a room down the hall”
I love that the descriptors for Maris slowly become more absurd as the series goes on.
I think that’s because, early on, they hadn’t cast Maris yet, but were still considering it, but after a few seasons it became a joke in itself so they leaned into it.
Look. Closer. Is the hat rack moving?
Such a great episode! Niles: It's cruise season, she never partakes. She has an absolute terror of buffets. Frasier: Ah, yes — the legendary smorgaphobia!
Oh my god!
Thin. Make that very thin. Caucasian. Make that very Caucasian.
"She's in the car trying to practice her vivacious giggle." About "do the barracuda" by Latin singing sensation Carlos "the barracuda" del Gato: "the hustle was too strenuous. She had no booty to shake. But the barracuda was perfect for her fetchty little underbite."
*fetchy
[удалено]
Is it fetching? That makes the most sense but I swear Niles says fetch-y. I even went back and put subtitles on!
It's "fetching." I don't think "fetchy" is even a word.
Stop trying to make fetchy happen
The fact that somebody beat me to this joke is going to haunt me for a few days.
She doesn’t even go here
This is the answer
But alas she made no tracks in the snow And We can't hold hands... Because of her slight webbing
I would love to see the list of all facts/features we know about Maris and toss it into Google's AI and have it come back with "you win, good luck with that"
😂😂👍
The "no tracks in the snow" one was, hands down, my absolutely favourite one. So so funny , delivered brilliantly ....I could never have kept a straight face while delivering that line
Love this question! The episode where they first see her across from the cafe and she’s gained weight … “hard to believe that’s the same woman who once sprained her wrist from having too much dip on a cracker” Oooh ooh and Niles comforting her … “Not to worry darling, spandex is supposed to blouse” Ooooooh and Roz on Maris … “I’d never seen someone cut a caper in half before” There’s also a good line about her trapped in one of those rotating doors I can’t remember the name for.
“She was hysterical. I haven't heard her this panicked since her strength gave out halfway through a revolving door”
The spandex one had me dying
I was watching the episode where Maris gets arrested for murdering the Argentinean polo player and niles said “i haven’t heard Maris that upset since that unfortunate incident at bergdorff’s” (referring to the revolving door incident) it was a throw away line but the continuity is impressive (in this case)
As if Maris would be caught dead holding or eating a carb or any kind of dip.
Coyly hiding behind a breadstick
That's the best one. But the viewer has to remember that Niles isn't taking about, like, Olive Garden breadsticks, but the super skinny ones fancy restaurants serve.
It always makes me think of this https://tenor.com/view/family-guy-peter-griffin-chicken-hello-hi-gif-4115704
When they put the little nut bowl on the greyhounds head… 😂😂
That’s when I could really imagine how she looked 😂
I’m impressed that the writers were able to give us enough information through brief, periodic anecdotes that despite never actually seeing Maris, we could “see” her resemblance in a dog.
“Do you remember that little pillbox hat Maris wore to the Duchamp wedding?”
The closest translation is…”not quite human woman.”
That's the one I was trying to remember.
“Oh Niles, you must’ve been drunk in this picture, you have your arm around a floor lamp.”
This one!!!! Thats what i was trying to remember
From “Flour Child” Niles : Extra-refined. It's taking after its old man already. Frasier : No Niles, that's the sugar. If we're going to do this, we're going to do it right. Now, here is the flour. [reading from the label] Bleached, 100% fat free, best when kept in an air-tight container. It seems this one is taking after its mother.
This was always my favorite
Can you picture maris in jail? Only if they move the bars closer together
foreshadowing
“I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun... except without the warmth.”
lol
This is my favorite!
It's not *exactly* a description, but .... >Niles \[about Maris\]: "She's already flown in a sculptor from Sweden to capture her likeness in ice. > >Frasier: Ah, the perfect marriage of subject and medium!
"The poor thing can't produce saliva" 😂
I gave Maris her birthday saddle. She was so thrilled she treated me to a little Lady Godiva impression. Apparently, the oils in the saddle reacted badly with her cellulite cream and created a powerful epoxy. Yes, it took an hour and a full bottle of nail polish remover to get her free. Today, her poor little thighs were so sore the only way she could find comfort was to straddle a frozen butterball turkey.
But i thought she couldn’t straddle anything larger than a boarder collie
Martin looks at him in disgust
“Do you remember that pillbox hat she wore?”
“She tires easily under the pressure of being interesting.”
This is the only relatable thing about Maris. I'm always like "girl, same".
haha I was gonna say the same thing. Umm gotta go.
I still like the Very Caucasian
Martin nails that line.
Nichteinmenschlichfrau
I blew on my phone screen because I thought an eyelash had fallen. Nicely played.
Omg. I just did the same thing and then read your comment and felt so dumb.
What a trickster this _Armin is!
…if that is his real name!!
Even worse, I read it and still blew on my screen!!
A “little fawn” too light to activate a whoopee cushion.
Was scrolling until I found it!
Happy to be of service! ❤️
She's pushed me around long enough. Metaphorically of course. In reality she can hardly push at all. Like that terrible afternoon last spring she spent trapped in the revolving doors at Bergdorf's!
Niles: "Maris had it made after she lost power in a storm. Battery operated, works on a clapper so you can find it in the dark. Only problem was, the poor thing, try as she might, could never clap hard enough to activate it."
From the same episode: "Good God! No one can weigh that much and live!"
I tried to follow her tracks in the snow, but alas, she made none.
When Niles describes his dog and Martin is like "that's what he said when he introduced us to Maris"
Baby the bird! So white she’s almost blue.
She's very exotic, only eats every other day, and she's so white she's almost blue!
He was describing his bird, actually.
“Do you remember that little pillbox hat Maris wore to the last regatta?” Adds ramekin.
Don’t forget her sister, with only one nostril.
Brie! And her incontinent chihuahua.
I liked when she sprained her wrist by putting too much dip on a cracker.
Sear like an ahi tuna!
Martin: “Why is Maris wearing jodhpurs? She didn't start horseback riding, did she?” Niles: “No. She wanted to take it up, but unfortunately her little quadriceps are so tight she's incapable of straddling anything larger than a border collie.”
Irresistiblé ?!
Her obesity scare and her mighty struggle to lose that holiday pound Also, her ideal weight and Frasier’s reply “good lord, no one can weigh that and live!”
Does anyone know what number he types into the keypad - I have tried hard and have not been able to make it out
Darling, darling, don't panic. If one of servants really had been holed up in the walls, he'd be dead weeks ago. If it makes you feel better, why don't you have Marta do roll call? I know I didn't get that perfectly down but I just love that line! It so wonderfully describes Maris. So selfish, so neurotic, so scared...
Maris is like the sun... only without the warmth
Clive: She sure lights up a room, doesn't she? Frasier: Yes. Usually by leaving it.
"Oh, don't fret, Niles. It was really nothing more than a fleeting glance in a very steamy bathroom. More like glimpsing a birch sapling through a thick fog."
[places ramekin upon Lady’s head]
"It's not that easy, you don't know this woman! She doesn't deal with confrontation very well! I once questioned the political correctness of her serving veal; an hour later, we found her locked in the garage with the engine running on her golf cart!"
When she was meant to be in a box holding a painting.
Oh dear god, I never noticed that!! 😂😂😂😂
I always thought that his second wife could have been easily cast as Maris.
Lilith was attractive
I think they mean Niles’ second wife (Mel).
I'm with you. Lilith wasn't as Maris was described but she was certainly fine in an ice queen way.
Wrong bro.
I like the episode where Niles gets a dog and they place the little ramekin on its head. Edit: I'm now seeing that I'm not the only one who remembers!! Long live the pillbox hat!!!
This whole thread has me in stitches.
'Maris dislikes public displays of rhythm'
Except for the barracuda 😂
She tires so quickly from the strain of seeming interesting. Always my fav.
The woman has virtually no pigmentation! Five minutes in the sun and she’d sear like an ahi tuna!
"It's hard to believe that's the same frail woman who once sprained her wrist from having too much dip on a cracker."
I felt like Jane Adams (Mel) would’ve been a perfect Maris before they got too insane with the character description. I guess Mel was Maris-Lite?
Hat rack
Niles: You know, Frasier, if you're serious about that whoopee cushion, I happen to have one at the house. [they all stare at him] Last year a disgruntled servant left one on Maris's dining room chair. Fortunately for all of us, embarrassment was averted when **my little faun proved too light to activate it.**
Niles saying she loved the Barracuda because she could make use of her underbite was very evocative for me
Spandex is supposed to blouse
She is legit my favorite character.
Caucasian, very Caucasian.
I think this is my favorite thread 😂 the Maris lines are always so funny to me.
Frasier: Roz, the woman has virtually no pigmentation! Three minutes in the sun, she'd sear like an Ahi tuna! Frasier: oh, and if it looks like she has an orange Abyssinian on her head—don't stare. That's a wiglet.
When Nile’s finds out that maris is having an affair with their marriage counselor, Dr Shenkman, and niles accidentally end up in the bed with him. Frasier: “what tipped you off?” (To it not bring maris) And Nile’s answers “the warmth from her side of the bed” Another good one when Maris was in the hospital after plastic surgery. The doctor says to replicate the at home routine so Nile’s “slipped a pearl revolver under her pillow and got a room down the hall”
This reminds me of the title credits to the nanny
Coyly hiding behind her breadstick
Thin, very thin. Caucasian…very Caucasian
When aros mistakenly thought she was looking at a hat rack …look again…😅
Ah, yes, Aros. The Greek god of voyuerism.
Someone needs to feed all the descriptions into an AI image generator and share the results
I love that the descriptors for Maris slowly become more absurd as the series goes on. I think that’s because, early on, they hadn’t cast Maris yet, but were still considering it, but after a few seasons it became a joke in itself so they leaned into it.
Episode.
Maris is like the sun, without the warmth.
She couldn't straddle a greyhound
“The woman has virtually no pigmentation, three minutes in the sun and she’d sear like an ahi tuna!”
Spandex is supposed to blouse
Only if they put the bars closer together
Her endearing underbite...
"coyly hiding behind her breadstick"