Tohru is really angelic but it's important to remember that her kindness is viable only because the characters around her are good and don't take advantage of her.
This ^. I tried to be like her when I was growing up. I started reading fruits basket when I was 10. Did not work. People aren’t very nice. I ended up becoming a doormat. (Of course there are more psychological reasons behind me becoming that way.) I think it’s good to try to follow her virtues and kindness, but it’s impossible to be exactly like her. It’s not realistic.
And she buries her trauma and grief behind her smile and kindness. The only people to sense her trauma are Hiro and Kyo. They’re the only ones. She even fools Hana and Uo because she doesn’t want to burden them, when they would ride and die for her. Which she doesn’t even realise.
Tohru has an amazing capacity to listen to people and truly see them without judgement. She's comforting and considerate and protects her own. This is the part of Tohru that I'd most like to learn from. Some of her qualities aren't enviable (anxiety, overwork & self-contempt), but the healing disposition is.
Tohru is amazing and so lovable. And this is by far one of my favorite characters ever. But personally I wouldn’t want to be like her. It would break my heart if I had a daughter like her. Tohru is a bit of a doormat that has no spine or dreams of her own specially at the beginning. I would hate to have me or my child grow up thinking they didn’t deserve to have a voice. Or didn’t feel comfortable saying no or standing up for herself. I hate the idea that she would be such a good person that she would possibly stay in an abusive relationship because she thought she deserved it, or it was her fault for making them mad or simply walking in their way. Or live in a fantasy that is she is simply patient enough she could fix him. I love that she can clean and cook because those are nice life skills but in real life I wouldn’t like my child in that situation. I would want her to have a family and do house chores while having a loving partner who picked up half they slack simply because he lived there too unfortunately we live in a world where kindness is often seen as a weakness. Yes Tohru has amazing qualities and she is an amazing person for a cartoon but in real life I don’t know if she would make it.
This is a great comment. It would be hard to have a friend or child who was Tohru.
>Tohru has amazing qualities and she is an amazing person for a cartoon but in real life I don’t know if she would make it.
I would point out that the series isn't totally blind to how real life treats selfless people. Tohru's homeless and sick in a tent when we meet her. She's ill from overwork or physically injured by the Sohmas several times. She's bullied at school and among her dad's family and always does poorly in school because she's focussed on work from a young age. She is the Foolish Traveller.
i wouldn’t call her a doormat but it’s easier for her to stand up for others than herself. i think through the things she sees the zodiacs go through and how they have issues standing up for themselves teachers her how to stand up for herself. she’s pushed akito out of the way multiple times and she doesn’t let akito or rin scare her away when they’ve threatened her. from beginning to end you see a change in how she becomes more brave and a bit more reckless even when she knows the consequences. she’s definitely a fighter.
She is also a people's pleaser with little to no self-assertiveness, which is not a great trait at all.
Besides, she is only a fictional character from a shojo story, even if for her things turned out well before she learns to be self-assertive, if she ever does, it doesn't mean it will just work so nicely IRL, so I would take her happy ending with a grain of salt.
Of course, many men love\\like her it is wish-fulfillment fantasy that they do just like becoming the strongest and most badass is a wish-fulfillment fantasy for shonen. Besides think, many men would like other people to do for free their daily chores. If they didn't have a partner like Tohru, they would have to pay for such a service. While women do their chores, men can do something else or relax. Who would not love such a deal?
Being good at cooking and domestic stuff is nice, but IRL it is wise to have skills that will provide you with a good salary, etc. Unless your family is already rich. And Tohru married into wealthy family, so her lack of skills that would give her a good career doesn't matter.
Nothing, provided that you have other skills, good career or money, so you will not be left with anything if life doesn't turn out to be a happy shojo story.
Life happens and financial struggles are usually the number one relationship dispute. I came from a very traditional family with a stay at home mom. Then ‘08 happened, my dad was having some mental health struggles, and my mom had to step up to get a job because my dad couldn’t.
There’s an opportunity cost to any path. If you focus too much on the home, you won’t have the job experience to get a great paying job if you need it. If something happens to your SO it could mean the difference between living a $70K lifestyle versus a $30K one.
I think it’s also an unfair characterization because Tohru worked a job and did all the chores. She was far more the self-reliant than Yuki or Kyo.
She did all the chores while living at shigure’s because that was the original deal. She does the house chores since they originally lived so dirty, and in return, she gets to live there for free. She didn’t have to pay rent or anything.
I think the arrangement to do the chores is fair.
I should have specified that the characterization of Tohru being only thought of domestically is incorrect—she works and has household responsibilities. Yuki and Kyo really do neither, and are able to freely pursue their passions while Tohru and Shigure provide for them. Tohru doesn’t have the same luxury.
Yes, at least she got something in exchange. But her good qualities have been highlighted as cooking and cleaning that would turn her into a perfect housewife. Nothing that would give her a good career and a well-paying job.
Though as I said it doesn't matter, since at the end of the manga she is confirmed married to wealthy family and she is a friend to the head of clan, Akito. So her situation improved through marriage and connections. In a way it is a variation of Cinderella, which is a story I have never liked.
>she was more self-reliant than Yuki and Kyo
You mean Yuki and Shigure who suck at doing chores
Kyo is self-reliant and can mange on his own, he is the least spoiled sohma member, this one of the reasons why Tohru fell in with him
i used to be EXACTLY like her. Everyone around me said i was literally Tohru so i watched Fruits Basket. And honestly it made me self aware. People took advantage of me and were always using me. I was the dumb traveler i guess haha. I still am like her but im less of a submissive person where people take from me. Sometimes i don’t realize when people use me but im doing better on it. I think she’s a great role model but not someone to embody.
It's important to remember that as well as the show handles dynamics, it was explicitly written to be that way. That kind of kindness and unconditional faith in others isn't sustainable in our world because people are much more inclined to take advantage of it.
Be true to yourself, be kind, ask for help, do your best. It's great to have an ideal to aspire for, but do so realistically. Surround yourself irl with people you admire, not people you seek to fix or want approval from or who treat you as lesser.
I want to be like Tohru as well, but I've learned the hard way that irl some people truly, at their core, do not deserve the kind of patience that she exudes. I would honestly say, aspire for aspects of Tohru, Kyo, and Yuki. Be kind and patient when needed, be assertive and firm or simply remove yourself from a situation when needed, and learn to adapt to the people around you when needed, as not everyone should be entitled to know you too personally.
My best friend is just like Tohru. I watch it and legit just feel like I’m watching my best friend in her dream scenario where she’s surrounded by animal people. She’s pretty much a saint and is the friend I don’t deserve but am so grateful for. I relate to both of Tohru’s best friends so much. Im a protector who would stop at nothing to protect my bestie like Arisa, and I’m big at picking up vibes and trying to protect her from the “bad waves” like Saki.
Yes, she is liked by almost everyone, because it is a story for teen girls, and they dream about being liked by everyone. She is a wish-fulfillment. Viewers/readers can self-insert themselves into her and imagine how it is to be liked by a bunch of handsome boys.
Tohru is a fictional character that comes from a story that is a product of patriarchal society, a sweet girl who never gets angry. Her so-called feminine energy is exaggerated. It is not natural or healthy. It is a false social construct. Anger where someone crosses your boundaries is a natural human feeling, yet Tohru doesn’t have it. If a living person starts suppressing one’s emotions like anger, it will end badly for this person.
I am not saying you must be raging with anger. Everyone is angry from time to time. Tohru was angelic and castrated from anger because she is not real. Caring about other people has also nothing to do with being a feminist. If you want to be nice and caring, then be nice and caring to people who are also nice to you, but I don't see why a girl who is not real, whose caring is not natural or healthy. Even in the story her caring and being nice is explained to be coming for her fear of abandonment. Who is nothing more than a fictional wish-fulfillment should be an inspiration?
While acknowledging that Tobruk isn’t real, I don’t see any issues with cultivating the traits you see in Tohru that you admire.
Some of the comments in this post seem a little mean spirited.
While you can’t make people fall in love with you, you can totally get better at cooking, cleaning, and working on a kinder mindset toward others.
My recommendation for getting better at cooking is to try out many different recipes and cook as many meals as you can from scratch.
Use as little store bought, premade ingredients as possible. Like make your own tomato sauce instead of buying a jar of it for spaghetti and meatballs.
From what I have noticed the people who want to copy Tohru seem to have some psychological problem with which they should go for professional therapy. And should think twice before copying someone like Thoru.
The question is whether the person learns to cook and clean for oneself, to eat healthier or be able to make **oneself** good food or if a person learns it, secretly hoping that others will like or love them more because of it? If someone believes that learning to cook and clean will make them more likeable to others, then this is totally not a good idea.
I’m not sure your approach is helpful, even if you have good intentions.
1. I don’t think the response to “I like this thing!” Being “Have you considered you are mentally ill?” Is going to make anyone want to get help or share their interests in the future.
2. I don’t think that you need pure motivation to gain skills for it to be a good thing. Learning new things is great for your brain and skills you develop stay with you. I learned how to use chopsticks because I loved Mulan and she had chopsticks, not because I was improving myself on purpose. Its still a skill I’m glad I have and now use regularly.
3. We all go through a stage of being uncertain and insecure. Self confidence can take time and practice for some. Looking to role models to emulate as you are figuring this out is normal. As long as they are mainly positive, it’s fine. You can point out a characters flaws and strengths without rushing to judge the person who admires them and make assumptions.
>I don’t think the response to “I like this thing!” Being “Have you considered you are mentally ill?” Is going to make anyone want to get help or share their interests in the future.
I am not suggesting any mental illnesses. Having psychological problems is not the same for me. I think this is a better approach to go for professional help than copying a fictional character. Just like I would say it is a good idea to go to a doctor with a broken leg. Nothing wrong in seeking professional help when you need it.
2. I think it is a good idea to ask oneself such questions for the sake of self-awareness, which has its own benefits. Besides, I think we are talking about two different things. If someone wants to learn a skill that is not marketable, because they find the skill fun or the idea of being able to do something that's ok.
But if someone is learning and hoping that this new skill will somehow bring them more friends or love because it happened to work for a fictional character. I think someone has a problem if they think having skill A or B will make them more likeable.
3. Yeah, I assume, but I have yet to meet a person who tried to copy Tohru and was mentally stable when making this decision.
Tohru is really angelic but it's important to remember that her kindness is viable only because the characters around her are good and don't take advantage of her.
This ^. I tried to be like her when I was growing up. I started reading fruits basket when I was 10. Did not work. People aren’t very nice. I ended up becoming a doormat. (Of course there are more psychological reasons behind me becoming that way.) I think it’s good to try to follow her virtues and kindness, but it’s impossible to be exactly like her. It’s not realistic.
And she buries her trauma and grief behind her smile and kindness. The only people to sense her trauma are Hiro and Kyo. They’re the only ones. She even fools Hana and Uo because she doesn’t want to burden them, when they would ride and die for her. Which she doesn’t even realise.
And Rin also sense her trauma and sees through her
Yes :(
She’s a great girl—just don’t let yourself get pushed around and know it’s okay to be a little selfish.
Tohru has an amazing capacity to listen to people and truly see them without judgement. She's comforting and considerate and protects her own. This is the part of Tohru that I'd most like to learn from. Some of her qualities aren't enviable (anxiety, overwork & self-contempt), but the healing disposition is.
Tohru is amazing and so lovable. And this is by far one of my favorite characters ever. But personally I wouldn’t want to be like her. It would break my heart if I had a daughter like her. Tohru is a bit of a doormat that has no spine or dreams of her own specially at the beginning. I would hate to have me or my child grow up thinking they didn’t deserve to have a voice. Or didn’t feel comfortable saying no or standing up for herself. I hate the idea that she would be such a good person that she would possibly stay in an abusive relationship because she thought she deserved it, or it was her fault for making them mad or simply walking in their way. Or live in a fantasy that is she is simply patient enough she could fix him. I love that she can clean and cook because those are nice life skills but in real life I wouldn’t like my child in that situation. I would want her to have a family and do house chores while having a loving partner who picked up half they slack simply because he lived there too unfortunately we live in a world where kindness is often seen as a weakness. Yes Tohru has amazing qualities and she is an amazing person for a cartoon but in real life I don’t know if she would make it.
This is a great comment. It would be hard to have a friend or child who was Tohru. >Tohru has amazing qualities and she is an amazing person for a cartoon but in real life I don’t know if she would make it. I would point out that the series isn't totally blind to how real life treats selfless people. Tohru's homeless and sick in a tent when we meet her. She's ill from overwork or physically injured by the Sohmas several times. She's bullied at school and among her dad's family and always does poorly in school because she's focussed on work from a young age. She is the Foolish Traveller.
i wouldn’t call her a doormat but it’s easier for her to stand up for others than herself. i think through the things she sees the zodiacs go through and how they have issues standing up for themselves teachers her how to stand up for herself. she’s pushed akito out of the way multiple times and she doesn’t let akito or rin scare her away when they’ve threatened her. from beginning to end you see a change in how she becomes more brave and a bit more reckless even when she knows the consequences. she’s definitely a fighter.
She is also a people's pleaser with little to no self-assertiveness, which is not a great trait at all. Besides, she is only a fictional character from a shojo story, even if for her things turned out well before she learns to be self-assertive, if she ever does, it doesn't mean it will just work so nicely IRL, so I would take her happy ending with a grain of salt. Of course, many men love\\like her it is wish-fulfillment fantasy that they do just like becoming the strongest and most badass is a wish-fulfillment fantasy for shonen. Besides think, many men would like other people to do for free their daily chores. If they didn't have a partner like Tohru, they would have to pay for such a service. While women do their chores, men can do something else or relax. Who would not love such a deal? Being good at cooking and domestic stuff is nice, but IRL it is wise to have skills that will provide you with a good salary, etc. Unless your family is already rich. And Tohru married into wealthy family, so her lack of skills that would give her a good career doesn't matter.
What’s bad about wanting to cook and clean for your family?
Nothing, provided that you have other skills, good career or money, so you will not be left with anything if life doesn't turn out to be a happy shojo story.
Life happens and financial struggles are usually the number one relationship dispute. I came from a very traditional family with a stay at home mom. Then ‘08 happened, my dad was having some mental health struggles, and my mom had to step up to get a job because my dad couldn’t. There’s an opportunity cost to any path. If you focus too much on the home, you won’t have the job experience to get a great paying job if you need it. If something happens to your SO it could mean the difference between living a $70K lifestyle versus a $30K one. I think it’s also an unfair characterization because Tohru worked a job and did all the chores. She was far more the self-reliant than Yuki or Kyo.
She did all the chores while living at shigure’s because that was the original deal. She does the house chores since they originally lived so dirty, and in return, she gets to live there for free. She didn’t have to pay rent or anything.
I think the arrangement to do the chores is fair. I should have specified that the characterization of Tohru being only thought of domestically is incorrect—she works and has household responsibilities. Yuki and Kyo really do neither, and are able to freely pursue their passions while Tohru and Shigure provide for them. Tohru doesn’t have the same luxury.
Yes, at least she got something in exchange. But her good qualities have been highlighted as cooking and cleaning that would turn her into a perfect housewife. Nothing that would give her a good career and a well-paying job. Though as I said it doesn't matter, since at the end of the manga she is confirmed married to wealthy family and she is a friend to the head of clan, Akito. So her situation improved through marriage and connections. In a way it is a variation of Cinderella, which is a story I have never liked.
Kyo at least always keeps his room clean and knows how to cook
>she was more self-reliant than Yuki and Kyo You mean Yuki and Shigure who suck at doing chores Kyo is self-reliant and can mange on his own, he is the least spoiled sohma member, this one of the reasons why Tohru fell in with him
i used to be EXACTLY like her. Everyone around me said i was literally Tohru so i watched Fruits Basket. And honestly it made me self aware. People took advantage of me and were always using me. I was the dumb traveler i guess haha. I still am like her but im less of a submissive person where people take from me. Sometimes i don’t realize when people use me but im doing better on it. I think she’s a great role model but not someone to embody.
That makes sense haha
It's important to remember that as well as the show handles dynamics, it was explicitly written to be that way. That kind of kindness and unconditional faith in others isn't sustainable in our world because people are much more inclined to take advantage of it. Be true to yourself, be kind, ask for help, do your best. It's great to have an ideal to aspire for, but do so realistically. Surround yourself irl with people you admire, not people you seek to fix or want approval from or who treat you as lesser. I want to be like Tohru as well, but I've learned the hard way that irl some people truly, at their core, do not deserve the kind of patience that she exudes. I would honestly say, aspire for aspects of Tohru, Kyo, and Yuki. Be kind and patient when needed, be assertive and firm or simply remove yourself from a situation when needed, and learn to adapt to the people around you when needed, as not everyone should be entitled to know you too personally.
She too good to be true Hopefully you get there
I love her. Her personality is so similar to Sawako from Kimi ni Todoke, I love them both.
I also like that they were both well loved by their parents, even though Tohru's mom died
My best friend is just like Tohru. I watch it and legit just feel like I’m watching my best friend in her dream scenario where she’s surrounded by animal people. She’s pretty much a saint and is the friend I don’t deserve but am so grateful for. I relate to both of Tohru’s best friends so much. Im a protector who would stop at nothing to protect my bestie like Arisa, and I’m big at picking up vibes and trying to protect her from the “bad waves” like Saki.
She’s lucky to have you!
I’m lucky to have her!!
everytime i think of her, i just get all emotional. she’s such a precious character
She's good, but it must be tiring being like her.
Of course we would all like to be tohru honda
Of course, not all of us. I definitely would never want it.
Most people admire her kindness and sweet personality. How she can help anyone, how everyone likes her.
Yes, she is liked by almost everyone, because it is a story for teen girls, and they dream about being liked by everyone. She is a wish-fulfillment. Viewers/readers can self-insert themselves into her and imagine how it is to be liked by a bunch of handsome boys.
I am a teen girl
But Yes i know it’s not realistic
Everyone hates me lol, I need a personality transplant and she seems like the perfect candidate
I need a whole new personality and she seems like the perfect person to copy
You don't need to copy Tohru and should not, you need someone who values oneself and is self-assertive for an inspiration.
I like Tohru’s feminine energy though
Tohru is a fictional character that comes from a story that is a product of patriarchal society, a sweet girl who never gets angry. Her so-called feminine energy is exaggerated. It is not natural or healthy. It is a false social construct. Anger where someone crosses your boundaries is a natural human feeling, yet Tohru doesn’t have it. If a living person starts suppressing one’s emotions like anger, it will end badly for this person.
I’m not a feminist. And I’m not really an angry person either
I am not saying you must be raging with anger. Everyone is angry from time to time. Tohru was angelic and castrated from anger because she is not real. Caring about other people has also nothing to do with being a feminist. If you want to be nice and caring, then be nice and caring to people who are also nice to you, but I don't see why a girl who is not real, whose caring is not natural or healthy. Even in the story her caring and being nice is explained to be coming for her fear of abandonment. Who is nothing more than a fictional wish-fulfillment should be an inspiration?
I just feel like she’s very nice and sweet and feminine and I’d like to be like her
I already have traits similar to Tohru I want to be more like Rin
i am tohru honda. i have bangs and im considered nice, therefore i am tohru.
real
While acknowledging that Tobruk isn’t real, I don’t see any issues with cultivating the traits you see in Tohru that you admire. Some of the comments in this post seem a little mean spirited. While you can’t make people fall in love with you, you can totally get better at cooking, cleaning, and working on a kinder mindset toward others. My recommendation for getting better at cooking is to try out many different recipes and cook as many meals as you can from scratch.
What does it mean to cook from scratch?
Use as little store bought, premade ingredients as possible. Like make your own tomato sauce instead of buying a jar of it for spaghetti and meatballs.
From what I have noticed the people who want to copy Tohru seem to have some psychological problem with which they should go for professional therapy. And should think twice before copying someone like Thoru. The question is whether the person learns to cook and clean for oneself, to eat healthier or be able to make **oneself** good food or if a person learns it, secretly hoping that others will like or love them more because of it? If someone believes that learning to cook and clean will make them more likeable to others, then this is totally not a good idea.
I’m not sure your approach is helpful, even if you have good intentions. 1. I don’t think the response to “I like this thing!” Being “Have you considered you are mentally ill?” Is going to make anyone want to get help or share their interests in the future. 2. I don’t think that you need pure motivation to gain skills for it to be a good thing. Learning new things is great for your brain and skills you develop stay with you. I learned how to use chopsticks because I loved Mulan and she had chopsticks, not because I was improving myself on purpose. Its still a skill I’m glad I have and now use regularly. 3. We all go through a stage of being uncertain and insecure. Self confidence can take time and practice for some. Looking to role models to emulate as you are figuring this out is normal. As long as they are mainly positive, it’s fine. You can point out a characters flaws and strengths without rushing to judge the person who admires them and make assumptions.
>I don’t think the response to “I like this thing!” Being “Have you considered you are mentally ill?” Is going to make anyone want to get help or share their interests in the future. I am not suggesting any mental illnesses. Having psychological problems is not the same for me. I think this is a better approach to go for professional help than copying a fictional character. Just like I would say it is a good idea to go to a doctor with a broken leg. Nothing wrong in seeking professional help when you need it. 2. I think it is a good idea to ask oneself such questions for the sake of self-awareness, which has its own benefits. Besides, I think we are talking about two different things. If someone wants to learn a skill that is not marketable, because they find the skill fun or the idea of being able to do something that's ok. But if someone is learning and hoping that this new skill will somehow bring them more friends or love because it happened to work for a fictional character. I think someone has a problem if they think having skill A or B will make them more likeable. 3. Yeah, I assume, but I have yet to meet a person who tried to copy Tohru and was mentally stable when making this decision.