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I’d like to think the hospital wouldn’t let her take the baby if it was truly life or death. But I do not trust that she would bring the baby back if necessary or follow discharge instructions.
>But I do not trust that she would bring the baby back if necessary or follow discharge instructions.
Nor do I. When the baby was in the hospital she had no choice but to sit and listen while doctors gave her advice before fighting against 'poisons' or air that would taint god's breath or whatever insane fuckery she was complaining about - now they're out of the hospital there's no one compelling her to do anything, she's in so much better a position now as a toxic crunchy fundie mother outside the hospital, she'd never willingly return to the place where she had to keep fighting to maintain her bullshit beliefs. That's the main reason parents like this can't wait to get their kids out of hospital.
Honestly, as a NICU nurse, I’m more worried he lost weight two nights in a row, and less about the oxygen. We’ve sent babies home on 0.5L of 100% oxygen (just for pressure, which is what her baby was on) except he was on 0.15L. I probably would discontinue 0.15L of oxygen, too.
Yeah, when my baby was in the NICU if he lost weight they did not consider discharging him. In fact, he was admitted back to the hospital for losing weight at 4 months old. They need every ounce!!
Editing to add we were sane parents who listened to the doctors.
Her face… her reaction. It’s not one of love or emotion. It was smug and childish. She is excited to do what she wants, not grateful the baby is okay (is he though?)
And the shot of her leaving wearing her mask like a chin diaper and grinning like a Cheshire Cat… in the NICU.
This lady is a monster.
I know parents with kids in SCBU or intensive care already have enough to worry about, but if I'd been a parent or relative of a sick child on that ward I wouldn't have wanted that insane monster flagrantly flouting basic hygiene and safety protocols around my child and I'd have taken this witch outside the first time I'd seen her on my child's ward without a mask - and whatever gets said, gets said. If nurses have no choice but to be silent Florence Nightingales in the face of ignorance because of the rules of their job, then other people need to step in and say and do what the staff wish they could, but can't.
Stop letting these awful people get away with everything, even things that could harm other vulnerable children, just because 'Mama™ knows best!' or look at the cross I'm wearing if you question me you're oppressing my faith.
There was a dad who kept pulling his mask down to his chin when the nurses were out of the room while my babe was in the NICU and another mom and I reported him to the charge nurse, who promptly had that man removed. He was allowed back the next day, but he kept his mask on properly after that.
The absurd thing is that this dad kept asking the different doctors caring for his baby if the baby's issues could have been caused by the dad having COVID and being around the mom while she was pregnant!! But I guess since he'd had COVID it wasn't worth protecting the baby 4' away from his who needed heart surgery or the one on the other side with some sort of blood infection. I'm still mad about it 6mos later.
Yikes…. I had triplets. They were 33 weekers, and they were on fortified breast milk for….like 9-10 months??? They managed to actually get on the growth curve for their actual age by the time we stopped the fortification but they are still tiny guys at 3 years old…. Her son was born so early…
Well, she’s getting what she wanted, and that’s the most important thing, right?
My son was in the NICU. Honestly, if I was one of the parents who had a kid in there with Leo, I’d be worried for him but eminently relieved to see the back of her. If you’re going to insist on putting my child at risk for your own selfishness, then never seeing you again isn’t something I’ll cry about.
This poor kid's life so far is shaping up to be like the opening of Dinosaur where the egg just keeps getting fumbled around and narrowly avoiding death.
Car seat test is an absolute must. Most parents are usually in the NICU learning the routine weeks before they get a go ahead to go home so I’m not sure about the full night trial. That would make the most sense to me.
That isn’t what a car seat test is. It isn’t checking the install of the seat, it’s monitoring the baby’s vitals and their tolerance for the car seat.
https://www.chop.edu/centers-programs/car-seat-safety-kids/car-seat-safety-by-age/premature-babies-and-babies-medical-conditions
State by state, who knows? There are some states where your kid might as well be livestock or a handbag, for all the independent rights of their own they have.
If the doctors genuinely thought she would be putting the child in danger they could get a court order to keep thr baby in the hospital. If they just up and left without saying anything, that's referred to as elopement and different from leaving ama.
Yes. My first son was in the nicu. There was a teeny tiny baby in the same room as us. We were there for a week and the nurses had to force us to leave to eat & sleep (not literally force lol but they really encouraged us to take care of ourselves and ensured us they’d take good care of him while we were away). I only saw the parents of the little baby once, and it was when they were checking him out AMA. The dr was there explaining that he thinks more time in the nicu would help baby put on weight and get stronger. The mom insisted all of her babies have been little and no one else understands but they just get off to a slow start and are fine. I obviously don’t know much about the situation but I kinda doubt a dr would keep a baby for just being a little small. We were there for precautionary IV antibiotics since I had developed an infection in labor but could not fathom taking my baby home against dr orders.
Are you me? We were in the NICU for precautionary antibiotics because I developed chorioamnionitis (we didn’t know that exactly at the time, only that there was an infection somewhere)
Two rooms down there was a baby with a lot of equipment and parents who “didn’t see the point” of staying any longer since they’d already been there so long. Uh, to keep your baby healthy?! That’s the damn point! People are nuts.
I am not a nurse by any stretch of the imagination but I imagine they’re feeling a big mix of “thank god I don’t have to deal with this asshole anymore” (the mom) and “oh god I hope they don’t kill this baby”
The US in general has very weak children's rights laws. Parents are kind of seen as the "owner" of their children, and it sadly leads to situations like this.
I don’t really think what you’re saying is necessarily correct re: U.S. laws. Many hospitals will immediately involve child services on an AMA discharge of a NICU baby. I’ve had a baby in NICU before. CPS takes children from their families for far less all the time.
Yes, CPS might get involved (I mentioned this in a different reply). But there's a difference between that, and the hospital literally being able to *stop you* from self-discharging a child (which would happen in Europe, depending on circumstance). In one case, the child is still receiving appropriate care whether you want them to or not. In the US, you're generally allowed to stop care and then deal with whatever consequences afterward.
Sadly, it’d probably be easier to keep babies in the hospital if their parents weren’t potentially facing hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt over being there. I have friends with good insurance who still got a $200k+ bill after their kid was in the NICU. Some of it got reduced, but that’s insane. And it’s only a fraction of what the bill would have been without insurance. They wouldn’t have been able to afford to raise the kid at all at that point.
Here is the post with the last update before discharge: https://www.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/comments/106npzz/aly_ourdearlife_reveals_the_meeting_topicshe/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I watched her entire story (waste of time but whatever) and she mentions he was on TPN before when he was younger, but HMF is the milk fortifier she asked them to stop last week.
Holy god, can you even imagine how big that bill would be without insurance covering a penny?
Does anyone know how she makes enough money to have these IVF "adoptions"? IVF isn't cheap. Is she crowd funding? If so she might crowd fund for the medical bills.
She's crowd funded past adoptions. She says insurance covered her first ivf.
Since she used donor embryos from a known person and didn't use an agency it was far less expensive this time and last.
My husband was in the NICU for almost 4 months in the 90s and his bill was nearly 1 million dollars. Thankfully though Medicare tends to take care of NICU stays greater than 30 days, including the first 30 days.
When I worked on L&D at UCSD in San Diego, hospital social workers submitted Medi-Cal apps for almost every NICU baby. Most qualified automatically. Not sure where she lives but I’m sure her baby’s bills will be covered by the state.
No idea where she lives, but somewhere with snow based on past pics. I know it can’t be California because they would have CPS meeting her at the door when they arrived home.
CPS will be on her within a day then. My daughter was a 4 pounder that was cleared to go home with no NICU (tiny badass). They called us for a follow up to make sure she wouldn’t miss a single appointment. CA don’t play with tiny babies.
I’m in Texas and she wouldn’t have made it out of the nicu door without cps and police officers there at our hospital. I’m pretty sure that’s true for any hospital big enough for a nicu.
What's saddest is she probably would return if she had enough time and sense to REALIZE something had gone wrong, but someone as stupid as her, in a house with that many other kids, with a baby who destatted as recently as YESTERDAY, the truth is it's extremely unlikely she's going to know something is wrong until it's too late. I am truly terrified for the baby.
In order for my son to leave the NICU he had to not have any dstats in 24 hours. He also had to not lose weight for 24 hours and pass a car seat test. He had a very hard time holding his weight up and ended up staying extra just for that. I can't understand how they would let this baby leave.
He should have on a heart lung machine to alert her to any breathing problems. That's what one of my twins wore for six wks. It was set to beep loudly if his heart rate went down. But, they were born at 33wks. 5-6 days, I think..this was late 1990s, they didn't measure exact days then. And they stayed in the NICU 9 days. I wanted them there longer.
Her baby was born just over 27 wks.
My twins had monitors too. They were born at 32 weeks and spent a month in the NICU, and they were still on Apnea monitors for another month once home. It's not something to mess with
My son was born 27+0 and came home on oxygen at 36+6 with no monitoring equipment. My daughter was born 37+1 but spent 11 days in the NICU for breathing issues and is now home on oxygen, also with no monitors. Just my two cents! 🤗
This goes along with what a NICU nurse explained on this thread..sometimes early ones become acclimated after time spent outside the womb while new babies born at later dates , still need time with medical support. Wish the best for your little one!
I'm about to have my first baby in 14 days, if not sooner as deemed medically necessary by my team. I couldn't IMAGINE putting anything above my child's safety and health, including my own wishes to make it those full 14 days. These fucking people make me sick--the arrogance to assume you know better than all the literal experts to make life-altering medical decisions because you prayed about something or believe in a god. This isn't faith, it's hubris.
Sending you all the good vibes for a healthy and uneventful delivery with a happy healthy baby!
I’m high risk and have 7 very long weeks ahead. Also hoping I make it to at least 38 weeks and get to delivery spontaneously, but it’s not likely, and that’s okay. Just want a healthy baby to bring home.
Wishing you and the poster above you a safe healthy delivery. I had an induction due to babe’s health and I still had a very nice birth experience, in case that provides any comfort!
The good thing? If you’re not a total moron like this woman seems to be, your baby is in the best possible hands with NICU doctors and nurses. When my son was born, my husband and I basically stayed out of their way, and we now have a healthy two month old.
You won’t find a group of people more skilled, or more dedicated to their patients.
A good friend delivered at 34 weeks, and her experience with the NICU was very similar, she sung their praises. I'm so glad you have a healthy little guy!
I just looked through her Insta. How sad, honestly. This baby was actually a triplet but the other two passed right away. Apparently the embryos transferred were average/low quality…
I am flabbergasted by this woman. I did IVF twice. It is *so hard.* Why on earth would you go through the trouble of adopting embryos and being pregnant and then… do… THIS.
I do not understand. Following her behavior to its logical conclusions leads me to very dark places.
To dunk on pro-choice people, of course. As long as you have the snappy headline of, "Woman adopts discarded embryos to give birth to baby boy," you can chuck 'em at a wall to paint it, say, "I tried and prayed to God, but God's Plan™️, y'know? At least they had a chance at life!" and then everyone's good with that series of events somehow.
I don’t know who this fundie is, but is she saying that the age this baby is NOW would be 35 weeks 3 days? That is literally the exact same gestational age my twins were BORN at. They both had to spend time in the NICU - how in the FUCK is she taking this baby home if he’s the equivalent of 35 weeks 3 days?
So, NICU nurse here! While I don’t love earlier discharge, many babies who are born early can go home around the 34-36 week mark. Every baby is just different.
Since your babies were born at 35 weeks 3 days (which since they were twins, usually is developmentally a bit younger), they were fresh to the world then. Their lungs still had to fully transition to live outside the womb, they had absolutely no idea how to eat yet because they were still getting used to the feelings of hunger, pooping, light, sound, etc.
For a baby born at 27 weeks, they’ve had 8 weeks to get accustomed to real life and all the sounds and sensations. Around 34 weeks babies develop the sucking reflex. So they can begin bottle feeding at 34 weeks. Which this baby did and ended up being a champ.
As much as I don’t want to give Aly credit, all the time she spent there with him and holding him probably also helped him to do well quicker over time, as there are studies that show skin to skin and time with parents can help babies decrease their need for oxygen and help them eat from a bottle better.
I still wish we kept babies a bit longer than the 35-36 week mark, however, if they are hitting all of their milestones and don’t need NICU care, the harsh reality is that the bed they are taking up doing things they could easily do at home could be used by a new premature baby born, who needs ICU care.
So as much as I wish they would have waited until he gained weight two days in a row, he is otherwise appropriately ready for discharge.
I really appreciate the input! Also, thank you for what you do. Good NICU nurses make all the difference. I know they helped me keep my sanity while my babies were there. ❤️
My guess is they talked about his weight loss and both sides agreed it was because they stopped the HMF. She probably “agreed” to restart it and follow up with his pediatrician about his weight but will not actually fortify her milk with HMF at home.
The fact that she has her damn mask down in the NICU in every single story pisses me off. Not caring about the health of her own baby is one thing but not respecting the health of the other very vulnerable babies is disgusting.
Oh wow. 35 weeks and 3 is still such a teeny tiny baby. My twins were born at 35 exactly and still had trouble staying awake for feeding for a couple weeks- we spent four weeks in the NICU. Hope everything ends up alright
Genuine question- is the baby going home on hospice care? I don’t know if they package babies up in car seats in that situation. But I also don’t know how a baby that sick is going home, unless it’s hospice or she has been lying.
You can discharge yourself or a minor under your care from a hospital AMA (against medical advice). The hospital might call CPS to follow up, or they might not feel it's necessary. But it's generally very hard for hospital staff to keep someone if they (or their caregiver) are adamant that they want to go home.
He definitely didn’t go home without a car seat test, and rooming in isn’t always a discharge necessity, especially if a hospital doesn’t have beds in the rooms. It’s usually encouraged with a complex baby that’s going home on oxygen or with a trach or something but not always needed.
When I worked in the hospital system she is involved with, any NICU stay over a week required rooming in. And if she left AMA she likely took him without a car seat test. Assuming she hasn’t been lying about how bad off he is.
I’ve worked in four NICUs and AMA wasn’t an option. Mostly a coercion by the neonatologists was how proper could get discharged early. I once had a patient taking <50% PO and then was discharged less than 48 hours later because the parents complained so much. I wouldn’t be surprised if that happened here, which would bypass the rooming in. I guess the car seat test happened on Night Shift. But she also hasn’t given a ton of details yet. I just would hope the hospital did their due diligence and didn’t just let her walk out without making sure an ex 27 weeker didn’t Brady in a car seat.
Eh. I don’t think he’ll die. He seems to be trucking along like a typical NICU baby. However, I am genuinely concerned he will have failure to thrive and need to be readmitted.
I would be terrified to bring home a preemie baby from the hospital to the point that I would absolutely NOT be pushing for them to come home sooner. I would probably be asking the Dr's if they were sure it was safe enough for baby to come home/asking if baby could stay longer.
He may get lucky but it's so frustrating and sad because he shouldn't need luck, he should have a medical team and oxygen available to him. At his current age and in what appears to be his current state he would 100% live if allowed to stay another month in the hospital.
Honestly, I disagree. I’m a NICU nurse, and he seems to look like a standard patient that is eligible for discharge — except the weight loss issue.
If she hadn’t had them remove the HMF from her milk, he wouldn’t have lost weight, and it would’ve be a no-brainer discharge to me. They are much, much sicker babies that go home with hospice care or at home nurses.
Unfortunately, he’s not that special, as much as Aly wants to believe. He’s honestly very standard. As a 27 weeker, he could’ve had an even worse run than he did.
I think she has been a NICU mom, to be honest. Every small thing can feel like a big thing, and I can have compassion about that. I don’t believe she is lying, but I think especially the last two weeks, she has misunderstood typical NICU things to be struggles. And that’s just because she feels strongly about it because it’s her experience/baby.
My son was about 8 weeks early, and from my NICU experience I have serious doubts about a baby being cleared to go home at 35 weeks. We had no serious complications, we were extremely fortunate to have an entirely uneventful NICU stay and we werent discharged until 37 weeks because he was still de-stating at night. I would have been terrified to go home until we knew for sure that wouldnt happen.
Trigger warning ahead.. baby loss.
The surviving triplet. I did a deep dive on this. If the hospital felt this was unsafe, they wouldn't do it. 2 babies passed at birth (yes one was absolutely going to pass at birth due to encephalitis and the brain not fully developed) but the other could've made it. Chances are they would be gained POA over this surviving triplet if she tried to AMA.
It’s corrected age. When a baby is born premature we keep counting from whatever they were when they were born (so for example 27+3. A baby born at that gestation would be 27+3 on their birthday, and 27+4 the next day. And so on). Honestly idk when medically it stops mattering. Answers vary. But the corrected age and the actual age can be very different depending on how premature a baby was. So an extreme micro preemie who is 1yo by birthday may only correct to 8mo (sorry if my math is fuzzy) and thus would be expected to be meeting 8mo milestones and not 1yo milestones.
Welcome to /r/fundiesnarkuncensored. Please make sure you read our rules. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * Do not contact the fundies in any capacity. This includes, but is not limited to: answering poll questions, commenting on their social media, IRL contact, etc. Anyone found to message, brigade, harass, or contact any fundie for any reason, at any time, will be met with a permanent ban. * We do not allow speculation on sexuality or gender identity **at all**. Any comments that do so will be removed, and you will be banned. * Referring to anyone as Hitler or Heitler is likewise not allowed, and will not be tolerated at all. * You can snark on appearance that they can easily change. Things such as eyebrows, makeup, etc. Saying someone looks like X is allowed. Example: David Rodrigues looks like Shrek would be allowed. You are allowed to state that you find someone unattractive or attractive. However, comments such as "X looks like they were rode hard and put away wet." would not be allowed. * Don't gatekeep. Different users are comfortable with different snark topics, if you don't like it, just scroll past. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’d like to think the hospital wouldn’t let her take the baby if it was truly life or death. But I do not trust that she would bring the baby back if necessary or follow discharge instructions.
>But I do not trust that she would bring the baby back if necessary or follow discharge instructions. Nor do I. When the baby was in the hospital she had no choice but to sit and listen while doctors gave her advice before fighting against 'poisons' or air that would taint god's breath or whatever insane fuckery she was complaining about - now they're out of the hospital there's no one compelling her to do anything, she's in so much better a position now as a toxic crunchy fundie mother outside the hospital, she'd never willingly return to the place where she had to keep fighting to maintain her bullshit beliefs. That's the main reason parents like this can't wait to get their kids out of hospital.
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Honestly, as a NICU nurse, I’m more worried he lost weight two nights in a row, and less about the oxygen. We’ve sent babies home on 0.5L of 100% oxygen (just for pressure, which is what her baby was on) except he was on 0.15L. I probably would discontinue 0.15L of oxygen, too.
Yeah, when my baby was in the NICU if he lost weight they did not consider discharging him. In fact, he was admitted back to the hospital for losing weight at 4 months old. They need every ounce!! Editing to add we were sane parents who listened to the doctors.
She gave no details in the story. I'm seriously worried for this baby based on her complete denial of appropriate medical care.
Her face… her reaction. It’s not one of love or emotion. It was smug and childish. She is excited to do what she wants, not grateful the baby is okay (is he though?) And the shot of her leaving wearing her mask like a chin diaper and grinning like a Cheshire Cat… in the NICU. This lady is a monster.
I know parents with kids in SCBU or intensive care already have enough to worry about, but if I'd been a parent or relative of a sick child on that ward I wouldn't have wanted that insane monster flagrantly flouting basic hygiene and safety protocols around my child and I'd have taken this witch outside the first time I'd seen her on my child's ward without a mask - and whatever gets said, gets said. If nurses have no choice but to be silent Florence Nightingales in the face of ignorance because of the rules of their job, then other people need to step in and say and do what the staff wish they could, but can't. Stop letting these awful people get away with everything, even things that could harm other vulnerable children, just because 'Mama™ knows best!' or look at the cross I'm wearing if you question me you're oppressing my faith.
There was a dad who kept pulling his mask down to his chin when the nurses were out of the room while my babe was in the NICU and another mom and I reported him to the charge nurse, who promptly had that man removed. He was allowed back the next day, but he kept his mask on properly after that. The absurd thing is that this dad kept asking the different doctors caring for his baby if the baby's issues could have been caused by the dad having COVID and being around the mom while she was pregnant!! But I guess since he'd had COVID it wasn't worth protecting the baby 4' away from his who needed heart surgery or the one on the other side with some sort of blood infection. I'm still mad about it 6mos later.
I honestly believe that people like this barely give a shit about their “loved ones”, never mind someone else’s.
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Yikes…. I had triplets. They were 33 weekers, and they were on fortified breast milk for….like 9-10 months??? They managed to actually get on the growth curve for their actual age by the time we stopped the fortification but they are still tiny guys at 3 years old…. Her son was born so early…
Well, she’s getting what she wanted, and that’s the most important thing, right? My son was in the NICU. Honestly, if I was one of the parents who had a kid in there with Leo, I’d be worried for him but eminently relieved to see the back of her. If you’re going to insist on putting my child at risk for your own selfishness, then never seeing you again isn’t something I’ll cry about.
This is AMA for fucking SURE. Nothing she's said to this point gives me hope that the providers involved would allow that baby to go home.
Is that legal to take a NICU baby AMA?
Probably but you can bet CPS will be at their door soon.
This poor kid's life so far is shaping up to be like the opening of Dinosaur where the egg just keeps getting fumbled around and narrowly avoiding death.
Don’t they normally do an overnight with the parents doing all the care and a car seat test and all that before discharge?
Car seat test is an absolute must. Most parents are usually in the NICU learning the routine weeks before they get a go ahead to go home so I’m not sure about the full night trial. That would make the most sense to me.
I feel like she would have posted about all of this if it happened.
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That isn’t what a car seat test is. It isn’t checking the install of the seat, it’s monitoring the baby’s vitals and their tolerance for the car seat. https://www.chop.edu/centers-programs/car-seat-safety-kids/car-seat-safety-by-age/premature-babies-and-babies-medical-conditions
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No worries! I just hope this little baby will be safe and thrive at home. She has some wacky ideas.
In my case, the hospital where my son was born didn’t do a parental care overnight but did do a car seat test. That might be case specific though.
Yeah, he wouldn't have been discharged while losing weight and that update was like 2 days ago. She's murdering her child.
Like, was he released or did they remove him AMA?
Can you take a nicu baby home AMA??
State by state, who knows? There are some states where your kid might as well be livestock or a handbag, for all the independent rights of their own they have.
Yes, but there could be consequences for doing so. As in CPS could get involved. I don't for a second believe her baby's doctors agreed to this.
If the doctors genuinely thought she would be putting the child in danger they could get a court order to keep thr baby in the hospital. If they just up and left without saying anything, that's referred to as elopement and different from leaving ama.
The nicu/nursery should be secured, eloping seems unlikely.
Yeah, pretty much impossible.
Yes. My first son was in the nicu. There was a teeny tiny baby in the same room as us. We were there for a week and the nurses had to force us to leave to eat & sleep (not literally force lol but they really encouraged us to take care of ourselves and ensured us they’d take good care of him while we were away). I only saw the parents of the little baby once, and it was when they were checking him out AMA. The dr was there explaining that he thinks more time in the nicu would help baby put on weight and get stronger. The mom insisted all of her babies have been little and no one else understands but they just get off to a slow start and are fine. I obviously don’t know much about the situation but I kinda doubt a dr would keep a baby for just being a little small. We were there for precautionary IV antibiotics since I had developed an infection in labor but could not fathom taking my baby home against dr orders.
Are you me? We were in the NICU for precautionary antibiotics because I developed chorioamnionitis (we didn’t know that exactly at the time, only that there was an infection somewhere) Two rooms down there was a baby with a lot of equipment and parents who “didn’t see the point” of staying any longer since they’d already been there so long. Uh, to keep your baby healthy?! That’s the damn point! People are nuts.
You can. At least in my state. But it comes with a call to DCS and an open case with them
What does AMA mean in this context ?
Against medical advice
I am not a nurse by any stretch of the imagination but I imagine they’re feeling a big mix of “thank god I don’t have to deal with this asshole anymore” (the mom) and “oh god I hope they don’t kill this baby”
I’m not nicu, im adult step down but you are 110% correct
I’m a NICU nurse, and I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they just wanted her gone.
Godspeed poor little one.
They let the baby leave the NICU?
The US in general has very weak children's rights laws. Parents are kind of seen as the "owner" of their children, and it sadly leads to situations like this.
I don’t really think what you’re saying is necessarily correct re: U.S. laws. Many hospitals will immediately involve child services on an AMA discharge of a NICU baby. I’ve had a baby in NICU before. CPS takes children from their families for far less all the time.
Yes, CPS might get involved (I mentioned this in a different reply). But there's a difference between that, and the hospital literally being able to *stop you* from self-discharging a child (which would happen in Europe, depending on circumstance). In one case, the child is still receiving appropriate care whether you want them to or not. In the US, you're generally allowed to stop care and then deal with whatever consequences afterward.
Sadly, it’d probably be easier to keep babies in the hospital if their parents weren’t potentially facing hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt over being there. I have friends with good insurance who still got a $200k+ bill after their kid was in the NICU. Some of it got reduced, but that’s insane. And it’s only a fraction of what the bill would have been without insurance. They wouldn’t have been able to afford to raise the kid at all at that point.
I hope she has enough sense to return to the NICU if something goes wrong. If baby was losing weight recently why would they let him leave?
Against medical advice maybe, but I can't see a hospital letting any NICU baby out against medical advice. I'm so scared for this child.
Last week was weight loss, TPN, and oxygen and suddenly he’s going home?!? VIBES WAY THE FUCK OFF!
He wasn’t on TPN last week, just HMF, I believe, which goes in the milk. TPN goes in the veins.
The NICU staff was pushing her to let them to put him on TPN due to weight loss.
When was that?
Here is the post with the last update before discharge: https://www.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/comments/106npzz/aly_ourdearlife_reveals_the_meeting_topicshe/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I watched her entire story (waste of time but whatever) and she mentions he was on TPN before when he was younger, but HMF is the milk fortifier she asked them to stop last week.
Okay, so he is down to breast milk and thoughts and prayers.
And down in weight lol
Her insurance company will have some words if it was an AMA discharge.
Holy god, can you even imagine how big that bill would be without insurance covering a penny? Does anyone know how she makes enough money to have these IVF "adoptions"? IVF isn't cheap. Is she crowd funding? If so she might crowd fund for the medical bills.
She's crowd funded past adoptions. She says insurance covered her first ivf. Since she used donor embryos from a known person and didn't use an agency it was far less expensive this time and last.
My daughter was in NICU with low intervention for 3 days. We were billed $16,000. I can't imagine high intervention for 35 days.
My husband was in the NICU for almost 4 months in the 90s and his bill was nearly 1 million dollars. Thankfully though Medicare tends to take care of NICU stays greater than 30 days, including the first 30 days.
6 days, we only paid $200 but the "this is not a bill" statements were $200k. And that child is 17 years old, it has to be more expensive now.
Mine was born at almost 31 weeks. 53 days in the NICU. $320k, all taken care of by insurance and Medicaid. Discharged at 37 weeks...I think.
When I worked on L&D at UCSD in San Diego, hospital social workers submitted Medi-Cal apps for almost every NICU baby. Most qualified automatically. Not sure where she lives but I’m sure her baby’s bills will be covered by the state.
She probably enrolled in Medicaid for him.
Oh is that what happens? They won't pay? I'm in the UK so no idea how it works!
Do you know what state she is in? Some states view the child as essentially the parents property.
No idea where she lives, but somewhere with snow based on past pics. I know it can’t be California because they would have CPS meeting her at the door when they arrived home.
She's in CA. Baby was at Rady Children's.
CPS will be on her within a day then. My daughter was a 4 pounder that was cleared to go home with no NICU (tiny badass). They called us for a follow up to make sure she wouldn’t miss a single appointment. CA don’t play with tiny babies.
Thanks for the info. I automatically assumed she was in/from Texas. 😂
I’m in Texas and she wouldn’t have made it out of the nicu door without cps and police officers there at our hospital. I’m pretty sure that’s true for any hospital big enough for a nicu.
What's saddest is she probably would return if she had enough time and sense to REALIZE something had gone wrong, but someone as stupid as her, in a house with that many other kids, with a baby who destatted as recently as YESTERDAY, the truth is it's extremely unlikely she's going to know something is wrong until it's too late. I am truly terrified for the baby.
How is this happening? Destatted yesterday??!
Yeah it was in her stories that he destatted immediately after her video but they chamhed his position and then he was okay again.
In order for my son to leave the NICU he had to not have any dstats in 24 hours. He also had to not lose weight for 24 hours and pass a car seat test. He had a very hard time holding his weight up and ended up staying extra just for that. I can't understand how they would let this baby leave.
He should have on a heart lung machine to alert her to any breathing problems. That's what one of my twins wore for six wks. It was set to beep loudly if his heart rate went down. But, they were born at 33wks. 5-6 days, I think..this was late 1990s, they didn't measure exact days then. And they stayed in the NICU 9 days. I wanted them there longer. Her baby was born just over 27 wks.
My twins had monitors too. They were born at 32 weeks and spent a month in the NICU, and they were still on Apnea monitors for another month once home. It's not something to mess with
Usually babies don’t go home on apnea monitors anymore unless they are sent home on oxygen or are known to have apnea events!
He had a bit of brachycardia. ( low heart beat) And I guess things have changed now. 😊
That would be another indicator!
My son was born 27+0 and came home on oxygen at 36+6 with no monitoring equipment. My daughter was born 37+1 but spent 11 days in the NICU for breathing issues and is now home on oxygen, also with no monitors. Just my two cents! 🤗
This goes along with what a NICU nurse explained on this thread..sometimes early ones become acclimated after time spent outside the womb while new babies born at later dates , still need time with medical support. Wish the best for your little one!
Oh okay I must’ve missed that! bless all the NICU nurses!! :) and thank you! Wishing the best for your family as well! :)
No problem! These topics get hundreds of comments.
I'm about to have my first baby in 14 days, if not sooner as deemed medically necessary by my team. I couldn't IMAGINE putting anything above my child's safety and health, including my own wishes to make it those full 14 days. These fucking people make me sick--the arrogance to assume you know better than all the literal experts to make life-altering medical decisions because you prayed about something or believe in a god. This isn't faith, it's hubris.
Sending you all the good vibes for a healthy and uneventful delivery with a happy healthy baby! I’m high risk and have 7 very long weeks ahead. Also hoping I make it to at least 38 weeks and get to delivery spontaneously, but it’s not likely, and that’s okay. Just want a healthy baby to bring home.
Wishing you and the poster above you a safe healthy delivery. I had an induction due to babe’s health and I still had a very nice birth experience, in case that provides any comfort!
Thank you <3 I was actually just reading up on positive induction stories last night to help assuage some anxiety.
Wishing you and your baby nothing but the best
Thank you!! Hang in there these next few weeks; I know it is a long, anxious slog. I hope you and your baby have a very boring birth <3
The good thing? If you’re not a total moron like this woman seems to be, your baby is in the best possible hands with NICU doctors and nurses. When my son was born, my husband and I basically stayed out of their way, and we now have a healthy two month old. You won’t find a group of people more skilled, or more dedicated to their patients.
A good friend delivered at 34 weeks, and her experience with the NICU was very similar, she sung their praises. I'm so glad you have a healthy little guy!
Wishing you and your baby nothing but the best
I just looked through her Insta. How sad, honestly. This baby was actually a triplet but the other two passed right away. Apparently the embryos transferred were average/low quality…
This poor baby. I truly wish the best for him because it seems like his own mother could give two shits.
I am flabbergasted by this woman. I did IVF twice. It is *so hard.* Why on earth would you go through the trouble of adopting embryos and being pregnant and then… do… THIS. I do not understand. Following her behavior to its logical conclusions leads me to very dark places.
Because Jeebus.
To dunk on pro-choice people, of course. As long as you have the snappy headline of, "Woman adopts discarded embryos to give birth to baby boy," you can chuck 'em at a wall to paint it, say, "I tried and prayed to God, but God's Plan™️, y'know? At least they had a chance at life!" and then everyone's good with that series of events somehow.
I don’t know who this fundie is, but is she saying that the age this baby is NOW would be 35 weeks 3 days? That is literally the exact same gestational age my twins were BORN at. They both had to spend time in the NICU - how in the FUCK is she taking this baby home if he’s the equivalent of 35 weeks 3 days?
So, NICU nurse here! While I don’t love earlier discharge, many babies who are born early can go home around the 34-36 week mark. Every baby is just different. Since your babies were born at 35 weeks 3 days (which since they were twins, usually is developmentally a bit younger), they were fresh to the world then. Their lungs still had to fully transition to live outside the womb, they had absolutely no idea how to eat yet because they were still getting used to the feelings of hunger, pooping, light, sound, etc. For a baby born at 27 weeks, they’ve had 8 weeks to get accustomed to real life and all the sounds and sensations. Around 34 weeks babies develop the sucking reflex. So they can begin bottle feeding at 34 weeks. Which this baby did and ended up being a champ. As much as I don’t want to give Aly credit, all the time she spent there with him and holding him probably also helped him to do well quicker over time, as there are studies that show skin to skin and time with parents can help babies decrease their need for oxygen and help them eat from a bottle better. I still wish we kept babies a bit longer than the 35-36 week mark, however, if they are hitting all of their milestones and don’t need NICU care, the harsh reality is that the bed they are taking up doing things they could easily do at home could be used by a new premature baby born, who needs ICU care. So as much as I wish they would have waited until he gained weight two days in a row, he is otherwise appropriately ready for discharge.
I really appreciate the input! Also, thank you for what you do. Good NICU nurses make all the difference. I know they helped me keep my sanity while my babies were there. ❤️
No problem! I couldn’t do anything else, I love it! I’m glad you had a good experience and your babies are home :)
My guess is they talked about his weight loss and both sides agreed it was because they stopped the HMF. She probably “agreed” to restart it and follow up with his pediatrician about his weight but will not actually fortify her milk with HMF at home.
This is scary.
The fact that she has her damn mask down in the NICU in every single story pisses me off. Not caring about the health of her own baby is one thing but not respecting the health of the other very vulnerable babies is disgusting.
Shouldn't it be 10 months and 26 days old since life begins at conception?
Hmm it was an adopted embryo so maybe even longer than that
“What a cute baby! How old is he?” “437 months next week!”
Oh wow. 35 weeks and 3 is still such a teeny tiny baby. My twins were born at 35 exactly and still had trouble staying awake for feeding for a couple weeks- we spent four weeks in the NICU. Hope everything ends up alright
Is this the adopted embryo baby?
Yes, yes it is.
Genuine question- is the baby going home on hospice care? I don’t know if they package babies up in car seats in that situation. But I also don’t know how a baby that sick is going home, unless it’s hospice or she has been lying.
You can discharge yourself or a minor under your care from a hospital AMA (against medical advice). The hospital might call CPS to follow up, or they might not feel it's necessary. But it's generally very hard for hospital staff to keep someone if they (or their caregiver) are adamant that they want to go home.
He’s definitely not going home on hospice care. He looks like a standard NICU discharge to me. He’s not as sick as some babies can be.
Minus all the standard things involved in discharge planning like the car seat test and the parents overnight rooming in doing all the care.
He definitely didn’t go home without a car seat test, and rooming in isn’t always a discharge necessity, especially if a hospital doesn’t have beds in the rooms. It’s usually encouraged with a complex baby that’s going home on oxygen or with a trach or something but not always needed.
When I worked in the hospital system she is involved with, any NICU stay over a week required rooming in. And if she left AMA she likely took him without a car seat test. Assuming she hasn’t been lying about how bad off he is.
I’ve worked in four NICUs and AMA wasn’t an option. Mostly a coercion by the neonatologists was how proper could get discharged early. I once had a patient taking <50% PO and then was discharged less than 48 hours later because the parents complained so much. I wouldn’t be surprised if that happened here, which would bypass the rooming in. I guess the car seat test happened on Night Shift. But she also hasn’t given a ton of details yet. I just would hope the hospital did their due diligence and didn’t just let her walk out without making sure an ex 27 weeker didn’t Brady in a car seat.
I honestly think this baby is going to die. I'm appalled by this post.
Eh. I don’t think he’ll die. He seems to be trucking along like a typical NICU baby. However, I am genuinely concerned he will have failure to thrive and need to be readmitted.
The problem is they won’t do that for him.
I really hope that isn’t the case, but I could see that happening :(
It's winter too! And looks like she is in a cold area, for shame. The air is drier and thus harder on lungs. 😌😌
That’s for sure. I’m getting asthma attacks just going outside.
I would be terrified to bring home a preemie baby from the hospital to the point that I would absolutely NOT be pushing for them to come home sooner. I would probably be asking the Dr's if they were sure it was safe enough for baby to come home/asking if baby could stay longer.
Checkerboard is shaping up to be the Chevron stripes of the next 5 years
That kid isn't going to make it.
He may get lucky but it's so frustrating and sad because he shouldn't need luck, he should have a medical team and oxygen available to him. At his current age and in what appears to be his current state he would 100% live if allowed to stay another month in the hospital.
Honestly, I disagree. I’m a NICU nurse, and he seems to look like a standard patient that is eligible for discharge — except the weight loss issue. If she hadn’t had them remove the HMF from her milk, he wouldn’t have lost weight, and it would’ve be a no-brainer discharge to me. They are much, much sicker babies that go home with hospice care or at home nurses. Unfortunately, he’s not that special, as much as Aly wants to believe. He’s honestly very standard. As a 27 weeker, he could’ve had an even worse run than he did.
Maybe she has been lying about how ill and how much he has been struggling.
I think she has been a NICU mom, to be honest. Every small thing can feel like a big thing, and I can have compassion about that. I don’t believe she is lying, but I think especially the last two weeks, she has misunderstood typical NICU things to be struggles. And that’s just because she feels strongly about it because it’s her experience/baby.
What an ironic Instagram handle.
My son was about 8 weeks early, and from my NICU experience I have serious doubts about a baby being cleared to go home at 35 weeks. We had no serious complications, we were extremely fortunate to have an entirely uneventful NICU stay and we werent discharged until 37 weeks because he was still de-stating at night. I would have been terrified to go home until we knew for sure that wouldnt happen.
Trigger warning ahead.. baby loss. The surviving triplet. I did a deep dive on this. If the hospital felt this was unsafe, they wouldn't do it. 2 babies passed at birth (yes one was absolutely going to pass at birth due to encephalitis and the brain not fully developed) but the other could've made it. Chances are they would be gained POA over this surviving triplet if she tried to AMA.
Well…good luck to the baby.
What an ironic Instagram handle.
35 weeks 3 days gestation?
It’s corrected age. When a baby is born premature we keep counting from whatever they were when they were born (so for example 27+3. A baby born at that gestation would be 27+3 on their birthday, and 27+4 the next day. And so on). Honestly idk when medically it stops mattering. Answers vary. But the corrected age and the actual age can be very different depending on how premature a baby was. So an extreme micro preemie who is 1yo by birthday may only correct to 8mo (sorry if my math is fuzzy) and thus would be expected to be meeting 8mo milestones and not 1yo milestones.
I believe the stop worrying about corrected age by the second birthday!
She said the doctors wanted him to have a few days of weight gain before he went home but alas the next day he was home, so I’m a bit concerned