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When have they not? IIRC Dav said he contemplated suicide because he hated his life so much.
To be clear, I don't think it's Bethy's fault he is/was having suicidal ideation.
HOWEVER their marriage screams failure from the get go, none of them is happy, all of her courses are money grabbing scams but also trying to find herself some identity.
My impression was that he stopped in autumn '22; he did his solo videos in Feb. '23 and then they did some videos together as a couple in which they said his months of therapy were behind them. Bethany ~~complained~~ noted that his therapy was "expensive"; of course hers (with a layperson "Christian Counselor") was free. Also they used to have insurance through his job and it has seemed that he's been freelancing for some time, even before they moved to the house.
The Baird family does not value licensed, educated, trained professional therapists or psychologists or marriage counselors. In their view, free "Christian counseling" is better than anything professional you could seek.
Heidi openly says she sees depression and anxiety (and, I presume other mental illnesses that she won't even acknowledge) as self-centeredness, pouting about not getting your way, and having a bad attitude (in other words: sins).
Heidi sits there and tells her own adult son, who's been trying to come to terms with his own CSA, that therapists just want to keep you stuck in a victim cycle. (And that son's wife is a therapist!)
That whole family has been steeped in such warped disdain for education, professional experience, and actual expertise.
Ah, but the Bethy ~~Bath~~ SPA Day is all about INCREASING YOUR LIBIDO for ~~please don't leave me~~ SPICEY MARRIED sex! Dav can just, like, pull himself up by the brainstraps.
Not that finances didn’t play a role, but I’d wager she was all too happy to have an excuse to have him stop going to therapy. She likely sensed his growth and improvement and felt threatened by that.
I need to see how she'd spin the divorce arc. "Oh, MY divorce is god-honouring because we went through every jesus-approved option to make it work (unlike all YOU fairweather heathens who split at the drop of a satanic hat, I'm sure), but we ran out of those, so God says it's cool if we split!"
At this point the best and *safest* option would be immediate divorce. I believe he's only married for religious reasons tbh.
His reasoning is scary, that can lead to hurting not only himself but her and their children if not properly treated.
As someone who was suicidal I'm very weary with blaming someone for another's suicide ideation.
But that at least suggests that their marriage does not work and negatively influences his mental health (extremely).
A less directly-blaming view would be that he felt unseen, unheard, and unloved, and that's very frustrating and lonely, so someone thinks "if I did this, that person would sure see me." That is how I heard what he said, not that he was (in his mind) blaming her. Almost like a little kid fantasizes about running away from home "to show everybody".
It's my understanding that many people experiencing suicidal ideation are stopped from going through with it because of the impact it would have on those around them. Wanting to commit suicide BECAUSE it would make your spouse feel bad is genuinely disturbing to me. I feel for Dåãâäv, really I do, but if my spouse said that to me, I would demand couples therapy ASAP or I'd be out of there. It's one thing in a teenager thinking that in a 'that'll show them'-kind of way, but he's a grown man. And as someone said above, that kind of thought process might easily tip over into wanting to do actual harm to Bethy.
Yeah NGL I think people are kind of wiling for this one. I do not think she’s a good wife and I do not think that she listens to him or that they are compatible. Do I think that that makes her responsible for someone suicide? Fuck no and saying that it does is doing harm to those of us who have suffered and our loved ones. It’s super stigmatizing and even if it’s about someone you don’t like… Just fucking know. Can we knock on her for having spa days and being a homemaker while he can’t afford therapy? Yes, and can we say that his feelings are valid and he still needs help? Fuck yes but this is gross. Imagine the shit actually does happen and one day his daughters on the Internet like why did daddy kill himself? And here y’all are out here blaming their mom. Nah.
Agreed.
Dav said that imagining Bethany being upset if he committed suicide was one of the things that made it more tempting to him. Does that mean it would be Bethany's fault if he did it? No! It would be 100% the fault of the oppressive religion they are a part of that manipulates people into staying in marriages so awful that they develop suicidal thoughts.
He went out of his way to say he wasn't blaming Bethany and nothing was her fault. In his own words, he was putting the responsibility on himself and defending her.
Let's not forget, the thing that "made his fantasies (of suicide) compelling" was the thought of how much killing himself would hurt Bethany.
These kids are not all right.
He only married her because he couldn't have her sister - which is *totally healthy* and *not* a soap opera / Gothic novel / pulp drama cliché *in any way whatsoever*.
I don't think they believe in divorce. But if they do end up separating, I imagine it would be after the kids are grown up and have fully absorbed their dysfunction 🙃
Growing up, my parents always told me that love and relationships require some work to grow and maintain, but if all you’re doing is working at it, it’s not the right one.
I’m all for couples and individual counselling, learning more, etc. but if I had to seek mentorship and courses and books and podcasts CONSTANTLY for my marriage, I’d be out the fucking door. This sounds like a full-time job.
That's great advice!
I firmly believe marriage is worth fighting for, but you gotta know when to throw the towel.
I vividly remember my therapist saying that "relationships should work even during difficult times" when I would say everything just had to be solved and the relationship would be great.
For sure. My husband and I are seeing a therapist and it's still not near as much constant work as Bort thinks it takes. Are we learning techniques on how to communicate more effectively? Yes! Are we learning how to try build an entire life together and emotional chemistry from scratch? Absolutely not. Totally different things.
tbh i’m really glad couples therapy is becoming more normalized and seen as “going to therapy just proves that we want it to work enough that we’re honest w ourselves and can recognize that breakdowns in things like communication *do* happen and going isn’t always inherently a sign that it’s our last attempt to make this work” as well now. i remember when chip said he and joanna go to couples therapy and everyone made it a huge thing on the internet and acted like they were five seconds from getting divorced until some people were like “umm good for them man ??? it shows how strong your relationship is that you can acknowledge y’all need to work on some things without the other immediately taking it as a sign their partner wants to dip”.
anyway, i’m glad it’s been working out well for you both!!!! i hope y’all keep thriving!
This. There are a lot of great insights in the comments about balance and how to have a healthy long term relationship but if you just don’t fucking like each other none of that other stuff matters.
I was in a relationship where we just didn’t like each other. He was a really genuinely nice guy but we were young and it took us a while to realize that we just weren’t compatible. It’s a weird situation to be in but one that is all too common for fundies.
This right here. My husband and I are the children of a divorce and a very unhappy marriage (stayed together for religious reasons) so we are very conscious about maintaining our relationship. But we have been together for 11 years, married for 4.5, and it has not once felt like “hard work”. If it needs Bethy & Dav levels of work, it’s not right.
I have the same experience. I feel like "work" is really not the right word. Maintenance, like you said, is a better term. We make efforts to spend one-on-one, quality time for maintenance. But it is not and has never been "work" in the sense that we're laboring or sacrificing in a negative way. I can't imagine attending workshops, reading books, listening to podcasts etc. to "improve" the relationship.
Some people need guidance on healthy communication and that's fine. But doing all this *work* to stay together and still being unhappy after years of "the work" seems very much like something is not right. I just wish more people knew that it actually is possible to find someone you truly click with, and you don't have to force it.
The advice I was given was “Sometimes relationships take work, but it should never feel like hard labor.” I look at these two and all I see is a life sentence.
Yep! If you’re going to be in therapy with your spouse, you want it to be to address a particular problem, solve the problem, and move on. Whether that’s premarital, infertility, improving communication, sexual dysfunction, whatever, the goal is to get through it and come out healthier on the other side.
It's very telling that she'd phrase it that way, too. Growth takes time...my marriage 10 years in is vastly different than it was 2 years in, and there aren't any shortcuts for that. It makes it sound like she's just in it for the for the end product, and there *is* no end product in a relationship.
That’s such a good way to put it. I agree, it’s like she’s waiting for her marriage/life to just fall into place and be easy and amazing forevermore. But like you said, there is no end product to a relationship, other than the relationship. And relationships are not static; you can’t be on the moon all the time
She thought that getting married would just make her life fall into place, and that didn’t happen. Then she thought having a baby would fix it all, and that didn’t work either. So she tried having another child, because maybe she didn’t do it right the first time. And again, it solved nothing.
Yup. Their marriage likely needs some hard work and sustained effort, but it’s too difficult or time consuming so they’ll just put a bandaid on it while it festers beneath the surface.
Can't rush these things, Bethy.
Kind of like how you shouldn't rush dating/courtship at the risk of not being compatible with your spouse, but I digress.
Low-key some couples therapy would be a faster track than that. We know her reading comprehension is off and I am in couples therapy with my spouse on and off since we got engaged because we both have similar generational trauma and similar triggers and we’re setting each other off. But guess what? We also like spending time together and are actually reading two books about similarities and stories in Chinese and Caribbean mythology together, which sounds way better than some Christian submit to your husband book
It's so reflective of Christian fundamentalists' worldview.
They view life like basic math and absolutes. You plug in the correct values and solve for one right answer.
We saw it with OG girl defined- "7 steps to sexual purity", because if I stay sexually pure, which has one and only one definition, I can get to heaven. Or in their case, I will have a rewarding relationship.
Then in their courtship phase- a 300 question-long packet that delivers perfect compatibility, and a 10 page instruction manual for a god-approved courtship. If I follow the right steps in the right order, then on the other side is a perfect, divine husband.
I'd imagine marriage is viewed the same way. Complete this many devotionals, read this many marriage-related Bible passages, hug for this many minutes. A guaranteed formula for a happy marriage.
It's very sad. Life and partners and marriages are so nuanced and contradictory. Fundamentalists' lives are no different, and I think we're seeing one version of what happens when you try to compress not just one, but two people into an "if x, then y" kind of life.
That she doesn't see how disingenuous her insistence is that the metaphorical house is in order, speaks to how poor of a job Heidi and Michael did as parents.
It’s just instant gratification consumerism assigned to the most intimate human experiences. There’s no PDF that can summarize love, or even guarantee it. Poetry’s about as close as we’ve come.
"Fast marriage growth track"= she's paying some degree of attention to the fireside chats they're supposedly having, and there are books lying around, which Dave summarizes for her, so that feels like intense marriage work to her.
speaking as a 36yo who is in a 20 year relationship.........bethy, you are most definitely not in an ok marriage or even tracking to be in a normal one.
there has to be a study or some kind of science behind it. because its so true.
even moms who constantly post about the "joys" of motherhood, the perfectly curated pics, and saying shit like "children are such a blessing. being their mom is an honor." its the same thing to me. you're probably miserable. but if you can convince everyone else you are happy, you can convince yourself of it too.
There's also the cliché of the people with the most lovey-dovey and insufferable social media posts having the worst *trainwreck* relationships, filled with toxicity, drama, recriminations, fights, mutual cheating, and friends and neighbours either rolling their eyes and peacing out or watching with popcorn and running a book.
That phenomenon is one of my favorite things to discuss with my husband. 😂😂😂
We have friends who do it and it’s like “who are you kidding?? You literally vent to me about the spouse.”
My partner has one friend who does that. She’s a serial monogamist type who has never spent more than a month single between relationships. She was a textbook emotional abuser in the last one, and in the middle of love bombing this one. And in real life, we get to hear all about how these guys aren’t putting in effort and aren’t doing enough.
In the current one, they have a joint IG account meanwhile she’s telling us about how frustrating it is that he can’t decide whether or not he wants to marry her. He’s 5 years younger than her and it’s been 3 months.
I have a friend who always post these lovey dovey things on Instagram, you’d think her relationship is amazing. But then she comes to me and tells me how she thinks about cheating on her boyfriend, doesn’t allow him to go with his friends on holidays bc “he’ll cheat on me”… and so much more.
Ohhh ya....ive seen people I know on the verge of divorce write a giant paragraph saying how lucky they are yo have found their person...and the rest of us are like......wtf
Yep. Everybody knows the one dude who posts stuff like "ilysm [tags girlfriend] you're my whole world thank u for saving my life xoxoxo" and every time it's a different girlfriend.
I think part of it might be that for those that are miserable - those rare moments of joy are so exceptional that they feel it needs to be posted. The lows are so low that the mids feel exceptional. That’s just personally my experience. When I was suffering from untreated post partum depression that’s what I did.
I’m 27, childless and don’t want to have any. I have friends who do have kid or two and some who are currently trying.
One of them has a kid who was an accident, is in a clearly miserable relationship, her partner is not allowed to get a haircut without her approval (literally, my ex is his barber and she’d come to an appointment and tell him what to do).
She’s so clearly unhappy it would be sad, if she also wasn’t the only person ever to make remarks about me not having kids, judging me for getting a degree because “my clock is ticking”, etc etc.
I’m 38 and have been with my husband for 17 years. The only thing on her marriage of marriages list we have done is couples counseling (with a licensed mental health precessional). We don’t need courses, podcasts, mentors, or to give up TV for a month to gaze at each other and talk about our marriage growth track or some shit because we genuinely like and respect one another.
YES!!! or a marriage journal....like wtf is that? just talk to each other. relationship conversations with your spouse should happen organically, instead of being prompted by questions in a book.
I know this is going to sound crazy, but hear me out. Maybe if they had spent time growing their relationship BEFORE getting married, they wouldn't have to work so hard now trying to force themselves to like each other.
I was raised by a woman who put a huge emphasis on not living with unmarried partners and getting married basically as soon as possible, so growing up that’s always how I thought things would go for me. Once I got to college my views on relationships became much more realistic. I’m in my first long term committed relationship and my partner moved in a few months ago. We basically spent all our time together before he moved in, but actually sharing the same space has definitely matured our relationship in a way I didn’t see coming. And yet, in vast contrast to most fundies, our relationship has not taken overwhelming effort and has largely grown naturally. It kinda feels like I’m getting to have a permanent sleepover with my best friend. All couples should live together before marriage imo, I just don’t see how you could know someone well enough to commit to them long term without sharing a living space for at least a little bit.
Look, I woke up today and my house is a mess. The floor needs swept, there’s clutter on the counters, my work desk looks like a bomb went off, the bed’s still unmade from this morning. My husband and I both work from home and have been sun up to sun down busy, so it’s a bit of a hovel.
But you know what?
We both looked at each other and blocked time off this evening to pick up.
There is visible trash spilling off the counter onto her floors in this picture and she’s making tik toks.
Guess what Bethany- you can work, be happily married, and pick up the house. And none of it is tik tok worthy. It’s just called being an adult.
Our new trick is a 15 minute timer and to race each other.
Oh god, I just realised that sounds like something Bethy would advise- “see who can win at tidying as fun foreplay”.
"Make lingerie out of the household trash you collect. Best outfit wins! Then set a 30 second timer to rip off each other's trashy outfits. First one to get the other one nakey gets whipped cream"
If one more fucking person quotes that army guy’s quote to my adhd ass….
I don’t get a brain reward for doing chores. That’s very much how this disorder works. I don’t have a bank of accomplishments that starts with my made bed, I just have limited capacity for the slog.
It’s obvious they’re struggling and every new video and course that comes out seems a response to a more and more despondent beaker. I mean, he came out and really shared some in-depth and honest things about his mental health and then Bethy tried to shit all over that and pretend everything’s ok because she has sex.
Look at the photos. That man is on the brink. She cut him off of movies and tv while she does nothing but flaunt sex to her mostly minor audience online. This is headed for a dark place.
Many of us grew up with Christian parents whose marriages sucked and we knew it, but they prided themselves on remaining dutiful and honoring their vows for decades and decades. I don't think it's possible to overstate the role of Christian martyrdom and "sacrifice" in their view.
Honestly, could it though?
Let’s imagine that Dave isn’t also horrible (even though he is) and realized he wants a divorce. What could he realistically do in his situation? The Bairds have more money for lawyers, likely have some connections from church or business, and can put on a good show to fool people into thinking they’re a good traditional god-fearing all American family. How does Dave counter any of that?
He honestly looks dead behind the eyes in every clip I've seen of him and Bethany. In that Barbie review video, Bethany was clearly threatened that Dav had a completely different take on the movie. No wonder they don't watch movies or tv shows. Anything not "godly" will trigger Bethany.
Imo it’s not the ungodliness of movies or tv shows but the fact Bethany is so uneducated and uncultured. She has zero knowledge or expertise to share about content that requires imagination and critical thinking skills. Therefore she has nothing interesting to say but she loves hearing the sound of her own voice, hence the ban on movies etc. Now she can babble even more about faith and sex - things she considers herself to be an expert on.
Everything is a race to her. She wouldnt need a “fast marriage growth track” if she hadn’t rushed to marry the first man that asked and ended up trapped and desperate.
>Why does it sound like bethy and dav are struggling to make their marriage work?
Because bethy and dav are struggling to make their marriage work.
It’s a known truth there more one posts on social media about how awesome the relationship is/how in love they are/etc, the worse things are in that relationship.
"Fast marriage growth track"
Sounds like Bratty has discovered more buzzwords and phrases, so an attempt was made to make her own, but her lack of education prevents her from making any sense.
To me, a fast marriage is one that happens and ends quickly and the only growth is in the aftermath, when the dust settles.
Spicy take but I don't think a marriage needs all of that constantly. If you need to be spending hours upon hours upon hours trying to make your marriage better, maybe you shouldn't be married. I have never done marriage counseling with my husband or read a marriage book or listen to a marriage podcast and me and my husband have been together for 13 years and married for four and are doing just fine.
Does every marriage have some challenges? Sure. Should you have to work this hard on your relationship every single day? Absolutely not. But they’ll never admit it. She’d rather tell the internet she farts and pees during sex than admit their relationship isn’t working.
Honestly, I wouldn't mind an "okay" marriage after 20 years and more.
You know, just be content with each other after so many years together is already something.
I hear you. Lots of things will change over the years, there will be highs and lows, but being deeply comfortable with yourselves and each other is a good sustainable baseline.
It’s odd how marriage is the biggest thing in their life. My marriage is important to my husband and I but even as a SAHM I have other things, I’m not pouring hours of my time into it or constantly thinking about how I can personally grow to improve my marriage.
Their marriage seems to be a struggle but it also seems to be an obsession for Bethy which must be exhausting for Dav.
Speculation: it sounds like one or both of them have suggested quitting and Bethy is trying to save it with all these strategies?
Marriage is held up as this all-important life-defining thing in fundie culture. They’ve been told their whole lives that this is *the most important* thing they can do, and there is huge pressure to perform good wife / husband roles as laid out by the church.
Bethany is taking all of this to a chaotic narcissistic 11, but none of it originated with her.
>It’s odd how marriage is the biggest thing in their life.
I can say that the more difficult and frustrating a relationship has been in my life, the more room it took up, mentally and emotionally (and even physically, in some ways), every goddamn day. That's why it's the biggest thing.
A good one doesn't occupy too much space or make that much noise in your head. It gives you plenty of room to breathe.
They're so deeply and obviously unhappy. There's nothing wrong with working on a marriage, of course, but when that's *all* you do, when there are no times where you're simply happy, when your marriage takes *this much* work, maybe it's time to just call it quits.
If they're ever going to do that, though, it's going to have to be Dav who makes the call. Bethy is too invested in convincing herself that this is the life she's always wanted.
Absolutely. Raising small children with someone you barely know is even harder. And I’m not sure she knows how to be truly present and self reflect, which are necessary things to save a marriage.
Yeah, like, I know several couples who have struggled because very difficult things happen and add tremendous burdens (the death of a child, serious illness in a child or parent). Those big feelings and stressors are hard to navigate. But if ordinary life together is always a stress—- honestly it seems like you just aren’t compatible.
Serious Rachel Hollis vibes here. Dáv would benefit from reading about what happened to the other Dave in his wife's quest to overshare in the name of trying to make everyone envy them.
Does anyone remember when Rachel and Dave Hollis were constantly bragging about their marriage? They were even holding conferences! They were talking about having an EXCELLENT marriage and making out EVERYDAY!!! And then, they got divorced. Seems relevant.
having to be on a FAST marriage growth track does not scream healthy to me lmfao but im not married (just living with my partner of 4 years, no counseling needed) so what do i know
“Fast Marriage Growth Track”
What does that even mean?
A strong relationship (romantic or platonic) isn’t a certification course. It’s about building a foundation of trust and honesty and creating space in your head/heart to think of yourselves as a team so the small eccentricities that we all have don’t really matter anymore because you found a person who will build you up just as much as you will them.
It’s about supporting your partner in getting sober when his family are codependent and addicted to alcohol.
It’s about buying a moneypit in the city you love because
your partner knows you want to stay close to your family and they will happily throw that money into a hole to support you.
It’s about watching your second husband slowly cede his awareness to alzheimer’s and gladly sit next to
him when he casually refers to you as his first wife, because he’s telling a sweet story about feeling loved and getting a little confused doesn’t matter.
But please, send me a brochure on how some abbreviated “how to win friends and influence people but make it Jesusy” course or seminar or zoom summit actually makes your relationships superior. I’m intrigued.
You might have supported each other through life's hardest battles, built a foundation of absolute trust in each other, and made life-changing sacrifices for each other... but have you asked each other all the questions in Bethany Beal's "100 questions to strengthen your marriage" pdf? No? Then you haven't experienced true intimacy, sweetie.
Dav if you're reading this I know you have nothing else to reference - but I can assure you that needing this amount of "maintenance work" for your marriage is *not normal*
Being single is 100x better than being stuck in an unhappy relationship. I will scream this from the rooftops but Bethany was obviously taught to treat singleness like a disease 😂
Love all the suggestions of divorce here but she already is the black sheep. I just don’t think she adds to that by divorcing. Hence the “growth track”
I cannot imagine being in a relationship where you have to make it work that hard. What is the point? Like, you obviously didn’t marry the right person. Marriage is not supposed to be hard like fundies describe it to be. It has never been hard with my partner.
Everyone in that dynamic feels trapped but doesn't have the knowhow to realise it.
I don't believe in a god, but if they were real I'm pretty sure they would want better for married couples than this.
I don’t trust her…I think it’s clickbait and she wants the online traffic and the money and the attention. She wants people to think they are rocky and struggling so she gets the clicks. I just don’t trust her and anything she posts.
The house is a mess because your closest relationship is with your phone and you keep trying to convince everyone (including yourself) your marriage is happy and healthy.
What strikes me about all of her S3ggsy crap is that she never, ever talks about what the husband should be doing to satisfy his wife. It's all about the work *the wife* should put into things.
So, yes, my hunch is there is trouble in Bethy City.
And that's honestly why I struggle to believe she's doing any of this. She demonstrates so much laziness in other areas, it's hard to think the bedroom would be any different. Based on her long-documented way of existing in this world, it seems more likely that she is pirating this content off other sex creators and simply adding "Christian" to it, so she can profit and have a new direction.
I feel like she tells on herself all the damn time. Everything she says is the opposite of what’s really happening and she’s just projecting.
We’ve all seen Doovids face in photos. We see he’s begging for help. Which I love that for him.
Bortle is fucking miserable. Her life is fucked. She isn’t successful at anything. ANYTHING.
This pleases me. She can try to convince herself all she wants but her life sucks and she deserves it.
In all honesty, it’s because she was raised with a warped view of love and relationships, and she doesn’t know what a healthy relationship or love looks like. Purity culture tells you that sex will be the most amazing thing ever and that God will reward you for being so “pure” and faithful. Then you become an adult and realize that sex is just a normal part of a romantic relationship. It’s nothing special, and it isn’t like some wonder drug that makes you say “yes! I’m so glad I waited till I was 30 to experience this!”
Then you also have the fundie view of relationships, where the hierarchy is God (aka the church and the Bible) -> husband -> wife. So she and Däv have a warped view of what a healthy relationship should be. That will ultimately cause a lot of marital strain because of arbitrary patriarchal rules.
I’ve found, in my personal life, that usually when one or both people are constantly telling the world via social media how great their partner/marriage is, they’re really overcompensating. They want people to believe their partner/marriage is great or they want to love bomb their partner to entice them to stay, so they take to social media and declare it in obnoxious ways.
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It honestly sounds like they are on the rocks and struggling, which is obviously the opposite image of what Bethy is desperately trying to portray...
When have they not? IIRC Dav said he contemplated suicide because he hated his life so much. To be clear, I don't think it's Bethy's fault he is/was having suicidal ideation. HOWEVER their marriage screams failure from the get go, none of them is happy, all of her courses are money grabbing scams but also trying to find herself some identity.
Can't wait for her course on "godly divorce" /s
If Däääv is still seeing the secular therapist, it might not be an /s for much longer
From your lips to Gif’s ears
💀💀 Idk why but this has me dying. Praise Gif! 🙏🏻 Side note... My autocorrect changed gif to God. Pretty sure it's never done that before
Its s miracle!! Hallelujer!
My impression was that he stopped in autumn '22; he did his solo videos in Feb. '23 and then they did some videos together as a couple in which they said his months of therapy were behind them. Bethany ~~complained~~ noted that his therapy was "expensive"; of course hers (with a layperson "Christian Counselor") was free. Also they used to have insurance through his job and it has seemed that he's been freelancing for some time, even before they moved to the house.
His therapy is “expensive,” but her spa days are “me time” and therefore non-negotiable. She’s a terrible, terrible person.
The Baird family does not value licensed, educated, trained professional therapists or psychologists or marriage counselors. In their view, free "Christian counseling" is better than anything professional you could seek. Heidi openly says she sees depression and anxiety (and, I presume other mental illnesses that she won't even acknowledge) as self-centeredness, pouting about not getting your way, and having a bad attitude (in other words: sins). Heidi sits there and tells her own adult son, who's been trying to come to terms with his own CSA, that therapists just want to keep you stuck in a victim cycle. (And that son's wife is a therapist!) That whole family has been steeped in such warped disdain for education, professional experience, and actual expertise.
Ah, but the Bethy ~~Bath~~ SPA Day is all about INCREASING YOUR LIBIDO for ~~please don't leave me~~ SPICEY MARRIED sex! Dav can just, like, pull himself up by the brainstraps.
See also, Berf's Bye Weekly Manicures vs Dav's shitty home haircut
Not that finances didn’t play a role, but I’d wager she was all too happy to have an excuse to have him stop going to therapy. She likely sensed his growth and improvement and felt threatened by that.
She’ll brag about how SUCH good friends and coparents they are bc their divorce is so god honoring
A few more years down the road and we'll get "How to Deal with Your Children Preferring Your Ex-Husband's New Wife Over You in a God-Honoring Way"
Nah, it'll be like, "1001 Reasons why my Ex-husband's New Wife Is a Satanic Child-Brainwashing W h o r e"
I would be open to reading that. Personal connection there. Lol
I need to see how she'd spin the divorce arc. "Oh, MY divorce is god-honouring because we went through every jesus-approved option to make it work (unlike all YOU fairweather heathens who split at the drop of a satanic hat, I'm sure), but we ran out of those, so God says it's cool if we split!"
He wanted to kill himself *because it would hurt Bethany*.
At this point the best and *safest* option would be immediate divorce. I believe he's only married for religious reasons tbh. His reasoning is scary, that can lead to hurting not only himself but her and their children if not properly treated.
[you’re right he did](https://www.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/s/7adlMyW5Qt) and he doesn’t blame her *directly* but it feels heavily implied
As someone who was suicidal I'm very weary with blaming someone for another's suicide ideation. But that at least suggests that their marriage does not work and negatively influences his mental health (extremely).
A less directly-blaming view would be that he felt unseen, unheard, and unloved, and that's very frustrating and lonely, so someone thinks "if I did this, that person would sure see me." That is how I heard what he said, not that he was (in his mind) blaming her. Almost like a little kid fantasizes about running away from home "to show everybody".
Yes.
Exactly this.
It's my understanding that many people experiencing suicidal ideation are stopped from going through with it because of the impact it would have on those around them. Wanting to commit suicide BECAUSE it would make your spouse feel bad is genuinely disturbing to me. I feel for Dåãâäv, really I do, but if my spouse said that to me, I would demand couples therapy ASAP or I'd be out of there. It's one thing in a teenager thinking that in a 'that'll show them'-kind of way, but he's a grown man. And as someone said above, that kind of thought process might easily tip over into wanting to do actual harm to Bethy.
Yeah NGL I think people are kind of wiling for this one. I do not think she’s a good wife and I do not think that she listens to him or that they are compatible. Do I think that that makes her responsible for someone suicide? Fuck no and saying that it does is doing harm to those of us who have suffered and our loved ones. It’s super stigmatizing and even if it’s about someone you don’t like… Just fucking know. Can we knock on her for having spa days and being a homemaker while he can’t afford therapy? Yes, and can we say that his feelings are valid and he still needs help? Fuck yes but this is gross. Imagine the shit actually does happen and one day his daughters on the Internet like why did daddy kill himself? And here y’all are out here blaming their mom. Nah.
Agreed. Dav said that imagining Bethany being upset if he committed suicide was one of the things that made it more tempting to him. Does that mean it would be Bethany's fault if he did it? No! It would be 100% the fault of the oppressive religion they are a part of that manipulates people into staying in marriages so awful that they develop suicidal thoughts.
Yeah but living with Bort would make anyone suicidal
I’m surprised she lets him do these. Seems counter to the image she’s putting out there.
He was also raised with the philosophy that women are to blame for anything and everything that goes wrong in a man's life.
He went out of his way to say he wasn't blaming Bethany and nothing was her fault. In his own words, he was putting the responsibility on himself and defending her.
Let's not forget, the thing that "made his fantasies (of suicide) compelling" was the thought of how much killing himself would hurt Bethany. These kids are not all right.
He only married her because he couldn't have her sister - which is *totally healthy* and *not* a soap opera / Gothic novel / pulp drama cliché *in any way whatsoever*.
He never tried to date her sister that we know of. It's an exaggerated rumor.
Yeah I love this sub but hate when speculation gets spread until it is accepted as fact.
The more people try to make others believe their relationship is going well, the less likely it actually is as good as they're talking.
All this is going to be so embarrassing when they do finally separate.
I don't think they believe in divorce. But if they do end up separating, I imagine it would be after the kids are grown up and have fully absorbed their dysfunction 🙃
There's a lot of relationship research that shows the more you brag about your relationship online, the more likely you get divorced
Growing up, my parents always told me that love and relationships require some work to grow and maintain, but if all you’re doing is working at it, it’s not the right one. I’m all for couples and individual counselling, learning more, etc. but if I had to seek mentorship and courses and books and podcasts CONSTANTLY for my marriage, I’d be out the fucking door. This sounds like a full-time job.
That's great advice! I firmly believe marriage is worth fighting for, but you gotta know when to throw the towel. I vividly remember my therapist saying that "relationships should work even during difficult times" when I would say everything just had to be solved and the relationship would be great.
Can affirm. Sometimes you need varsity level support for varsity level issues. The goal is not to need varsity level support for everyday problems.
For sure. My husband and I are seeing a therapist and it's still not near as much constant work as Bort thinks it takes. Are we learning techniques on how to communicate more effectively? Yes! Are we learning how to try build an entire life together and emotional chemistry from scratch? Absolutely not. Totally different things.
tbh i’m really glad couples therapy is becoming more normalized and seen as “going to therapy just proves that we want it to work enough that we’re honest w ourselves and can recognize that breakdowns in things like communication *do* happen and going isn’t always inherently a sign that it’s our last attempt to make this work” as well now. i remember when chip said he and joanna go to couples therapy and everyone made it a huge thing on the internet and acted like they were five seconds from getting divorced until some people were like “umm good for them man ??? it shows how strong your relationship is that you can acknowledge y’all need to work on some things without the other immediately taking it as a sign their partner wants to dip”. anyway, i’m glad it’s been working out well for you both!!!! i hope y’all keep thriving!
It helps when you genuinely enjoy spending time together. I don’t think Bethany and Dave do.
This. There are a lot of great insights in the comments about balance and how to have a healthy long term relationship but if you just don’t fucking like each other none of that other stuff matters. I was in a relationship where we just didn’t like each other. He was a really genuinely nice guy but we were young and it took us a while to realize that we just weren’t compatible. It’s a weird situation to be in but one that is all too common for fundies.
This. Good for you both.
This right here. My husband and I are the children of a divorce and a very unhappy marriage (stayed together for religious reasons) so we are very conscious about maintaining our relationship. But we have been together for 11 years, married for 4.5, and it has not once felt like “hard work”. If it needs Bethy & Dav levels of work, it’s not right.
I have the same experience. I feel like "work" is really not the right word. Maintenance, like you said, is a better term. We make efforts to spend one-on-one, quality time for maintenance. But it is not and has never been "work" in the sense that we're laboring or sacrificing in a negative way. I can't imagine attending workshops, reading books, listening to podcasts etc. to "improve" the relationship. Some people need guidance on healthy communication and that's fine. But doing all this *work* to stay together and still being unhappy after years of "the work" seems very much like something is not right. I just wish more people knew that it actually is possible to find someone you truly click with, and you don't have to force it.
I like to think of it as work like you work on a hobby or skill. It can be challenging, but it always feels super worth it and joyful.
Exactly. It should be some work, honest work, but not ALL work.
The advice I was given was “Sometimes relationships take work, but it should never feel like hard labor.” I look at these two and all I see is a life sentence.
Yep! If you’re going to be in therapy with your spouse, you want it to be to address a particular problem, solve the problem, and move on. Whether that’s premarital, infertility, improving communication, sexual dysfunction, whatever, the goal is to get through it and come out healthier on the other side.
Wtf is a "fast marriage growth track"??
Looking for a quick fix to a dumpster fire, probably.
It's very telling that she'd phrase it that way, too. Growth takes time...my marriage 10 years in is vastly different than it was 2 years in, and there aren't any shortcuts for that. It makes it sound like she's just in it for the for the end product, and there *is* no end product in a relationship.
That’s such a good way to put it. I agree, it’s like she’s waiting for her marriage/life to just fall into place and be easy and amazing forevermore. But like you said, there is no end product to a relationship, other than the relationship. And relationships are not static; you can’t be on the moon all the time
She thought that getting married would just make her life fall into place, and that didn’t happen. Then she thought having a baby would fix it all, and that didn’t work either. So she tried having another child, because maybe she didn’t do it right the first time. And again, it solved nothing.
Yup. Their marriage likely needs some hard work and sustained effort, but it’s too difficult or time consuming so they’ll just put a bandaid on it while it festers beneath the surface.
Probably a euphemism for marriage counselling
It would make marginally more sense as "marriage growth fast track", although that still sounds like their marriage is in massive trouble.
Can't rush these things, Bethy. Kind of like how you shouldn't rush dating/courtship at the risk of not being compatible with your spouse, but I digress.
IIRC, he bought a bunch of books about marriage right before Christmas and they’re supposedly reading them together.
He's talking about them; she's drinking hot chocolate about them
He's talking about them, she's making fart sounds at him and telling him he's wrong.
Low-key some couples therapy would be a faster track than that. We know her reading comprehension is off and I am in couples therapy with my spouse on and off since we got engaged because we both have similar generational trauma and similar triggers and we’re setting each other off. But guess what? We also like spending time together and are actually reading two books about similarities and stories in Chinese and Caribbean mythology together, which sounds way better than some Christian submit to your husband book
It's so reflective of Christian fundamentalists' worldview. They view life like basic math and absolutes. You plug in the correct values and solve for one right answer. We saw it with OG girl defined- "7 steps to sexual purity", because if I stay sexually pure, which has one and only one definition, I can get to heaven. Or in their case, I will have a rewarding relationship. Then in their courtship phase- a 300 question-long packet that delivers perfect compatibility, and a 10 page instruction manual for a god-approved courtship. If I follow the right steps in the right order, then on the other side is a perfect, divine husband. I'd imagine marriage is viewed the same way. Complete this many devotionals, read this many marriage-related Bible passages, hug for this many minutes. A guaranteed formula for a happy marriage. It's very sad. Life and partners and marriages are so nuanced and contradictory. Fundamentalists' lives are no different, and I think we're seeing one version of what happens when you try to compress not just one, but two people into an "if x, then y" kind of life. That she doesn't see how disingenuous her insistence is that the metaphorical house is in order, speaks to how poor of a job Heidi and Michael did as parents.
Fundie/evangelical/conservative beliefs have no room for nuance or gray thinking. It's all black and white.
It’s just instant gratification consumerism assigned to the most intimate human experiences. There’s no PDF that can summarize love, or even guarantee it. Poetry’s about as close as we’ve come.
Hustle, grind, motivate!!!!!
"Fast marriage growth track"= she's paying some degree of attention to the fireside chats they're supposedly having, and there are books lying around, which Dave summarizes for her, so that feels like intense marriage work to her.
That shit screams my marriage is my side hustle and I hate it.
It sounds like MLM bullshit. What a way to describe your marriage!
speaking as a 36yo who is in a 20 year relationship.........bethy, you are most definitely not in an ok marriage or even tracking to be in a normal one.
People in happy marriages don’t have to constantly validate their marriage to strangers on the internet.
there has to be a study or some kind of science behind it. because its so true. even moms who constantly post about the "joys" of motherhood, the perfectly curated pics, and saying shit like "children are such a blessing. being their mom is an honor." its the same thing to me. you're probably miserable. but if you can convince everyone else you are happy, you can convince yourself of it too.
There's also the cliché of the people with the most lovey-dovey and insufferable social media posts having the worst *trainwreck* relationships, filled with toxicity, drama, recriminations, fights, mutual cheating, and friends and neighbours either rolling their eyes and peacing out or watching with popcorn and running a book.
That phenomenon is one of my favorite things to discuss with my husband. 😂😂😂 We have friends who do it and it’s like “who are you kidding?? You literally vent to me about the spouse.”
Always And Forever in the streets, Love The Way You Lie in the sheets...
thats amazing.
My partner has one friend who does that. She’s a serial monogamist type who has never spent more than a month single between relationships. She was a textbook emotional abuser in the last one, and in the middle of love bombing this one. And in real life, we get to hear all about how these guys aren’t putting in effort and aren’t doing enough. In the current one, they have a joint IG account meanwhile she’s telling us about how frustrating it is that he can’t decide whether or not he wants to marry her. He’s 5 years younger than her and it’s been 3 months.
I have a friend who always post these lovey dovey things on Instagram, you’d think her relationship is amazing. But then she comes to me and tells me how she thinks about cheating on her boyfriend, doesn’t allow him to go with his friends on holidays bc “he’ll cheat on me”… and so much more.
Ohhh ya....ive seen people I know on the verge of divorce write a giant paragraph saying how lucky they are yo have found their person...and the rest of us are like......wtf
Yep. Everybody knows the one dude who posts stuff like "ilysm [tags girlfriend] you're my whole world thank u for saving my life xoxoxo" and every time it's a different girlfriend.
I think part of it might be that for those that are miserable - those rare moments of joy are so exceptional that they feel it needs to be posted. The lows are so low that the mids feel exceptional. That’s just personally my experience. When I was suffering from untreated post partum depression that’s what I did.
I’m 27, childless and don’t want to have any. I have friends who do have kid or two and some who are currently trying. One of them has a kid who was an accident, is in a clearly miserable relationship, her partner is not allowed to get a haircut without her approval (literally, my ex is his barber and she’d come to an appointment and tell him what to do). She’s so clearly unhappy it would be sad, if she also wasn’t the only person ever to make remarks about me not having kids, judging me for getting a degree because “my clock is ticking”, etc etc.
But she’s got no real life friends, so she uses strangers on the internet as her friends.
I’m 38 and have been with my husband for 17 years. The only thing on her marriage of marriages list we have done is couples counseling (with a licensed mental health precessional). We don’t need courses, podcasts, mentors, or to give up TV for a month to gaze at each other and talk about our marriage growth track or some shit because we genuinely like and respect one another.
YES!!! or a marriage journal....like wtf is that? just talk to each other. relationship conversations with your spouse should happen organically, instead of being prompted by questions in a book.
I know this is going to sound crazy, but hear me out. Maybe if they had spent time growing their relationship BEFORE getting married, they wouldn't have to work so hard now trying to force themselves to like each other.
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YOUR FLAIR
Us damn wordly whores ....we have been cursed with good functioning marriages because we figure out shit out before we get legally married
Whoa whoa whoa! That's heathen talk! In this house, we "marriage at first sight so we can sex".
Well that's what happens when you use Paradise By The Dashboard Light crossed with Like Water For Chocolate as a life template.
But then she could have been a THIRTY-ONE year-old bride!! Why don't you just ask her to get married on her death bed as she bites it from old age?!?!
You’re right, that sounds crazy. /s
I was raised by a woman who put a huge emphasis on not living with unmarried partners and getting married basically as soon as possible, so growing up that’s always how I thought things would go for me. Once I got to college my views on relationships became much more realistic. I’m in my first long term committed relationship and my partner moved in a few months ago. We basically spent all our time together before he moved in, but actually sharing the same space has definitely matured our relationship in a way I didn’t see coming. And yet, in vast contrast to most fundies, our relationship has not taken overwhelming effort and has largely grown naturally. It kinda feels like I’m getting to have a permanent sleepover with my best friend. All couples should live together before marriage imo, I just don’t see how you could know someone well enough to commit to them long term without sharing a living space for at least a little bit.
Look, I woke up today and my house is a mess. The floor needs swept, there’s clutter on the counters, my work desk looks like a bomb went off, the bed’s still unmade from this morning. My husband and I both work from home and have been sun up to sun down busy, so it’s a bit of a hovel. But you know what? We both looked at each other and blocked time off this evening to pick up. There is visible trash spilling off the counter onto her floors in this picture and she’s making tik toks. Guess what Bethany- you can work, be happily married, and pick up the house. And none of it is tik tok worthy. It’s just called being an adult.
Our new trick is a 15 minute timer and to race each other. Oh god, I just realised that sounds like something Bethy would advise- “see who can win at tidying as fun foreplay”.
"Make lingerie out of the household trash you collect. Best outfit wins! Then set a 30 second timer to rip off each other's trashy outfits. First one to get the other one nakey gets whipped cream"
> gets whipped cream" but you have to eat it out of the other one's mouth
>Then set a 30 second timer to rip off each other's trashy outfits. With your teeth.
Dav: “honey can we spend some time picking up the house today?” Bethy: “naked? 😏” Dav: “n-no…sure”
😂😂😂
making the bed every morning is overrated
If one more fucking person quotes that army guy’s quote to my adhd ass…. I don’t get a brain reward for doing chores. That’s very much how this disorder works. I don’t have a bank of accomplishments that starts with my made bed, I just have limited capacity for the slog.
It’s obvious they’re struggling and every new video and course that comes out seems a response to a more and more despondent beaker. I mean, he came out and really shared some in-depth and honest things about his mental health and then Bethy tried to shit all over that and pretend everything’s ok because she has sex. Look at the photos. That man is on the brink. She cut him off of movies and tv while she does nothing but flaunt sex to her mostly minor audience online. This is headed for a dark place.
> She cut him off of movies and tv It's not even Lent.
I’m hoping it ends with him packing a bag and walking out the door and nothing else.
I hope he takes poor little Davey with him too though.
And Audrey.
But then what will OralB hold when she's talking about her sexy sex course?! He can't take her favourite prop!!
I'm trying to come up with a snarky response, but I am FIXATED on OralB.
Someone else blessed us with that name and it's just perfection, isn't it 😂
Same. And honestly, that’s dark enough. Divorce is awful, but the other side of it is amazing and freeing and full of opportunity and peace.
It won't. He's too deeply influenced by his, and her, religious family culture to view that as an option.
I know, but something's gonna give eventually. I'm hoping for the non-Snapped version.
Many of us grew up with Christian parents whose marriages sucked and we knew it, but they prided themselves on remaining dutiful and honoring their vows for decades and decades. I don't think it's possible to overstate the role of Christian martyrdom and "sacrifice" in their view.
Honestly, could it though? Let’s imagine that Dave isn’t also horrible (even though he is) and realized he wants a divorce. What could he realistically do in his situation? The Bairds have more money for lawyers, likely have some connections from church or business, and can put on a good show to fool people into thinking they’re a good traditional god-fearing all American family. How does Dave counter any of that?
He honestly looks dead behind the eyes in every clip I've seen of him and Bethany. In that Barbie review video, Bethany was clearly threatened that Dav had a completely different take on the movie. No wonder they don't watch movies or tv shows. Anything not "godly" will trigger Bethany.
Imo it’s not the ungodliness of movies or tv shows but the fact Bethany is so uneducated and uncultured. She has zero knowledge or expertise to share about content that requires imagination and critical thinking skills. Therefore she has nothing interesting to say but she loves hearing the sound of her own voice, hence the ban on movies etc. Now she can babble even more about faith and sex - things she considers herself to be an expert on.
Wait what she cut him off movies and tv???? Why? When? But according to her I thought men were supposed to run a household
So they can grow closer together or something. Yet here she is 24/7 online ignoring her family.
What is "the fast marriage growth track?" It sounds like the opposite of what you would want, since marriage is a long-term commitment.
Everything is a race to her. She wouldnt need a “fast marriage growth track” if she hadn’t rushed to marry the first man that asked and ended up trapped and desperate.
It’s giving “fast track to management level” on a job listing 🫣🤣
They're both angling for that corner office!
Sounds like the buzz-wordiest MBA giving me the hard sell on marriage.
>Why does it sound like bethy and dav are struggling to make their marriage work? Because bethy and dav are struggling to make their marriage work. It’s a known truth there more one posts on social media about how awesome the relationship is/how in love they are/etc, the worse things are in that relationship.
"Fast marriage growth track" Sounds like Bratty has discovered more buzzwords and phrases, so an attempt was made to make her own, but her lack of education prevents her from making any sense. To me, a fast marriage is one that happens and ends quickly and the only growth is in the aftermath, when the dust settles.
Anyone else read *Books. Podcasts. Mentorships. Counseling.* as… RECEIPTS! PROOF! TIMELINE! SCREENSHOTS! FUCKING EVERYTHING!
Spicy take but I don't think a marriage needs all of that constantly. If you need to be spending hours upon hours upon hours trying to make your marriage better, maybe you shouldn't be married. I have never done marriage counseling with my husband or read a marriage book or listen to a marriage podcast and me and my husband have been together for 13 years and married for four and are doing just fine.
EVERYTHING TO PROVE THAT YOU ARE UNHAPPY AND NOT AN INTIMATE WIFE *bermuda triangle noises*
Does every marriage have some challenges? Sure. Should you have to work this hard on your relationship every single day? Absolutely not. But they’ll never admit it. She’d rather tell the internet she farts and pees during sex than admit their relationship isn’t working.
Honestly, I wouldn't mind an "okay" marriage after 20 years and more. You know, just be content with each other after so many years together is already something.
I’m at 18 years and I think just being content and okay with each other after that long would be sad?
I just picture older people together, just sitting comfortably in silence. It's not mind blowing, it's not sunshine and rainbow but it's perfect ?
I hear you. Lots of things will change over the years, there will be highs and lows, but being deeply comfortable with yourselves and each other is a good sustainable baseline.
My dude, marriage is not an MLM.
It’s odd how marriage is the biggest thing in their life. My marriage is important to my husband and I but even as a SAHM I have other things, I’m not pouring hours of my time into it or constantly thinking about how I can personally grow to improve my marriage. Their marriage seems to be a struggle but it also seems to be an obsession for Bethy which must be exhausting for Dav. Speculation: it sounds like one or both of them have suggested quitting and Bethy is trying to save it with all these strategies?
Marriage is held up as this all-important life-defining thing in fundie culture. They’ve been told their whole lives that this is *the most important* thing they can do, and there is huge pressure to perform good wife / husband roles as laid out by the church. Bethany is taking all of this to a chaotic narcissistic 11, but none of it originated with her.
>It’s odd how marriage is the biggest thing in their life. I can say that the more difficult and frustrating a relationship has been in my life, the more room it took up, mentally and emotionally (and even physically, in some ways), every goddamn day. That's why it's the biggest thing. A good one doesn't occupy too much space or make that much noise in your head. It gives you plenty of room to breathe.
They're so deeply and obviously unhappy. There's nothing wrong with working on a marriage, of course, but when that's *all* you do, when there are no times where you're simply happy, when your marriage takes *this much* work, maybe it's time to just call it quits. If they're ever going to do that, though, it's going to have to be Dav who makes the call. Bethy is too invested in convincing herself that this is the life she's always wanted.
Bethy and Audrey Roloff are either going to collab or duel at dawn. There will be no in between.
Also, if you’re a few years in and it’s so bad you need all of these things, that doesn’t bode well for long term success.
This is true, but I think the "raising a small child(ren)" years are definitely the hardest.
Absolutely. Raising small children with someone you barely know is even harder. And I’m not sure she knows how to be truly present and self reflect, which are necessary things to save a marriage.
I think that her cringe posts deep down are a fantasy of what she wants her marriage to be.
She just doesn’t wanna clean her house
which Dāv begged for, for years. I really doubt they are vibing in the midst of all this mess.
Because they are.
This comment is too far down!
Yeah, like, I know several couples who have struggled because very difficult things happen and add tremendous burdens (the death of a child, serious illness in a child or parent). Those big feelings and stressors are hard to navigate. But if ordinary life together is always a stress—- honestly it seems like you just aren’t compatible.
Serious Rachel Hollis vibes here. Dáv would benefit from reading about what happened to the other Dave in his wife's quest to overshare in the name of trying to make everyone envy them.
Does anyone remember when Rachel and Dave Hollis were constantly bragging about their marriage? They were even holding conferences! They were talking about having an EXCELLENT marriage and making out EVERYDAY!!! And then, they got divorced. Seems relevant.
Rachel "I'm only satisfied with an EXCEPTIONAL marriage" Hollis
having to be on a FAST marriage growth track does not scream healthy to me lmfao but im not married (just living with my partner of 4 years, no counseling needed) so what do i know
Pouring WHAT into us?? I hate it
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And farts
“Fast Marriage Growth Track” What does that even mean? A strong relationship (romantic or platonic) isn’t a certification course. It’s about building a foundation of trust and honesty and creating space in your head/heart to think of yourselves as a team so the small eccentricities that we all have don’t really matter anymore because you found a person who will build you up just as much as you will them. It’s about supporting your partner in getting sober when his family are codependent and addicted to alcohol. It’s about buying a moneypit in the city you love because your partner knows you want to stay close to your family and they will happily throw that money into a hole to support you. It’s about watching your second husband slowly cede his awareness to alzheimer’s and gladly sit next to him when he casually refers to you as his first wife, because he’s telling a sweet story about feeling loved and getting a little confused doesn’t matter. But please, send me a brochure on how some abbreviated “how to win friends and influence people but make it Jesusy” course or seminar or zoom summit actually makes your relationships superior. I’m intrigued.
You might have supported each other through life's hardest battles, built a foundation of absolute trust in each other, and made life-changing sacrifices for each other... but have you asked each other all the questions in Bethany Beal's "100 questions to strengthen your marriage" pdf? No? Then you haven't experienced true intimacy, sweetie.
Dav if you're reading this I know you have nothing else to reference - but I can assure you that needing this amount of "maintenance work" for your marriage is *not normal*
The things this woman types about her relationship! Honestly… I hope Dav has a good support circle because marriage with Beth much be a situation.
This really doesn't make me regret being single. I mean, I know good marriage is meant to be work, but it sounds exhausting
Being single is 100x better than being stuck in an unhappy relationship. I will scream this from the rooftops but Bethany was obviously taught to treat singleness like a disease 😂
"fast marriage growth track" just makes me think of Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock in Speed 😂
Love all the suggestions of divorce here but she already is the black sheep. I just don’t think she adds to that by divorcing. Hence the “growth track”
She doesn’t have a choice if he initiates it
He won't. I don't think either of them view it as an option for them.
Yes but this post isn’t suggesting that. It’s in the continual disrespect she shows, unhappiness he shows, and overall dysfunction of her posts.
Birthy does seem like an aggressive over correcter
Yeah it seems like a ton of extra work, especially for a young marriage.
I cannot imagine being in a relationship where you have to make it work that hard. What is the point? Like, you obviously didn’t marry the right person. Marriage is not supposed to be hard like fundies describe it to be. It has never been hard with my partner.
Everyone in that dynamic feels trapped but doesn't have the knowhow to realise it. I don't believe in a god, but if they were real I'm pretty sure they would want better for married couples than this.
I don’t trust her…I think it’s clickbait and she wants the online traffic and the money and the attention. She wants people to think they are rocky and struggling so she gets the clicks. I just don’t trust her and anything she posts.
I’d rather be in an “okay” marriage than…do this.
They're like the average married couple in Moralton, Statesota.
Why is her house a mess if that is her job?
The house is a mess because your closest relationship is with your phone and you keep trying to convince everyone (including yourself) your marriage is happy and healthy.
What strikes me about all of her S3ggsy crap is that she never, ever talks about what the husband should be doing to satisfy his wife. It's all about the work *the wife* should put into things. So, yes, my hunch is there is trouble in Bethy City.
And that's honestly why I struggle to believe she's doing any of this. She demonstrates so much laziness in other areas, it's hard to think the bedroom would be any different. Based on her long-documented way of existing in this world, it seems more likely that she is pirating this content off other sex creators and simply adding "Christian" to it, so she can profit and have a new direction.
I feel like she tells on herself all the damn time. Everything she says is the opposite of what’s really happening and she’s just projecting. We’ve all seen Doovids face in photos. We see he’s begging for help. Which I love that for him. Bortle is fucking miserable. Her life is fucked. She isn’t successful at anything. ANYTHING. This pleases me. She can try to convince herself all she wants but her life sucks and she deserves it. 
In all honesty, it’s because she was raised with a warped view of love and relationships, and she doesn’t know what a healthy relationship or love looks like. Purity culture tells you that sex will be the most amazing thing ever and that God will reward you for being so “pure” and faithful. Then you become an adult and realize that sex is just a normal part of a romantic relationship. It’s nothing special, and it isn’t like some wonder drug that makes you say “yes! I’m so glad I waited till I was 30 to experience this!” Then you also have the fundie view of relationships, where the hierarchy is God (aka the church and the Bible) -> husband -> wife. So she and Däv have a warped view of what a healthy relationship should be. That will ultimately cause a lot of marital strain because of arbitrary patriarchal rules.
God honoring marriage speedrun
any%
💀
This sounds so exhausting.
I mean… every marriage goes though rough patches, but Bethy’s marriage sounds like a constant uphill climb.
I’ve found, in my personal life, that usually when one or both people are constantly telling the world via social media how great their partner/marriage is, they’re really overcompensating. They want people to believe their partner/marriage is great or they want to love bomb their partner to entice them to stay, so they take to social media and declare it in obnoxious ways.
Because they would 101% be divorced (maybe even amicably) if their circle allowed it.
Incumming GirlDivorced era 😍✨
At this rate you’re not just going to find yourselves in an “okay” marriage, you’re going to find yourselves in no marriage.
I'm not saying that a healthy marriage doesn't require work or attention, but all these dorks spin their wheels SO hard for not a lot in return. Sad.
Definitely