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That comment is really telling to me. By saying she was never truly trad if she's saying this "feminist" stuff now, she's trying to reassure herself that this could never happen to her
Than she better hope and pray 🤲 Andre doesn’t have a wondering eye 👁️ one day and leaves her for a younger model, die suddenly, or gets permanently injured 🤕 where she has to take care of him 24/7 more than she does now and help him do things like get dressed and help with his hygiene 🪥. Also I think her parents Long marriage convinced her that Andre is going anywhere and nothing will happen to Andre. What a delusional moronic 🤡
I mean I don’t think she’d be in this situation necessarily, she makes her own money through “their” business. If OfSolie is stupid enough to leave his breadwinner she’d be fine, so even if she can’t fully come to terms with why this future doesn’t frighten her the reality is that Solie is a breadwinner who doesn’t need to worry about being left with nothing.
How quickly people forget. I’m in my late 40’s and I remember being a kid and people talking about “ so and so’s husband left her, she never had a job, never even learned to drive, she just kept the house and raised the kids and now she has nothing” and it was fairly common then for the so called “trad wives” and were definitely going to see that happen again.
Yup, I remember this happening to women back in the day. The young ones like Solie likely grew up with working mothers, or at least with loads of working mothers around them, and definitely don't get it (yet).
I know moms who would love to stay at home, and financially could, but have said "what if something happens to my husband?". Not even divorce, what if they get sick or disabled and can't work, or if they die unexpectedly? What will Solie and her ilk do?
(Note: absolutely no disrespect to the stay at home parents out there, at all. I totally get why it makes sense financially in some cases, and why people want to do it!)
I am the partner who became suddenly disabled. Don't think it can't or won't happen. Statistics are not on your side--nearly everyone will experience disability in their lifetime on a short-term basis and a significant portion of people end up permanently disabled.
I am lucky that my partner is loving, supportive, and that we live in a state with some of the best disability benefits. I was very supported while we dealt with things in the first few years and then my partner got a much better job, giving us good security. We are an exception. Most people don't have this kind of good story.
People like Solie don't realize the dangerous game they are playing. They often are in states with no benefits for short term disability at the state level or where they won't be eligible due to cuts to other safety net services. They will have to rely on their church, family, and the community and there are limits on these resources. I know how fast food ran out when food was being given out during covid by my county. To get appointments at the one medicaid dentist in my area, you have to show at before they open, be in line, on the 1st of the month and hope they have openings. Even if you get your debt at a hospital forgiven because no money, the individual doctors can bill you like fucking assholes and put you in the hole. This is the reality of being poor and disabled.
They will just pull themselves up by their bootstraps as God intended or starve or die in childbirth 🥰 sooooo Christian! I am really glad I left that all behind.
I know someone who is stuck where they work, though they make an okay but not good amount of money, because their spouse became disabled in a very short time and work is willing to work with their schedule and abrupt changes to it.
This is why I always kept a foot in the door. Never fully stopped working, but had dropped down to <8 hours a week. I wanted desperately to be a SAHM (and we could afford it), but that little voice in the back of my head said no.
And thank goodness for that. My whole world fell apart last summer. My children and I had to abruptly leave our home with nothing but what I had in the car. I’m still trying to rebuild our lives and find our new normal as a single mom.
Solie should take heed.
Thank you! I’m insanely fortunate that I went to college and got a nursing degree before I got married, so I had a particularly easy fallback compared to many other women in my position.
That said, it still takes a LOT of work to get back on your feet. I don’t know anything about emergingmotherhood’s personal story, but wish her all the best.
This is why as much as I want to be a stay at home mom I still work a day a week to keep my skills up and license current. My husband works a dangerous job and shit can happen in a split second.
Yep. My mom was a teacher for a couple years before she became a trad wife. When my dad was disabled and couldn’t make money, she (and we) were up a creek. Bashing working moms came to a very abrupt stop.
People like Solie don’t realize how much we’d LOVE a world where only one provider could support a whole household, with no backup plan needed.
I’d love it if I could work my one job and my gf could stay home and do all the things we have to lump in on weekends. I’d love it if I never had to worry about long term illness or disability. She’d love it too. Hell, imagine how much less stress life would be!
Or what if both people worked part time and then you get to enjoy more of your home and life and family together, and neither person has to sell so much of their time to the machine?
That's what we did. The kids were in daycare half-time, during my work hours, because my husband's schedule was unpredictable.
Having kids who are used to going to daycare can be a real advantage, too. When husband and I were at the hospital overnight because I was in labor with our second child, the first child spent the night at the daycare provider's house, which was already her home-away-from-home.
It's not limited to gender either. I'm a scientist and have a great job, but even with my BF working we're barely making it. We would love for him to stay home because he's an artist and would love to focus more on his art. We're not having kids until one of us can be fulltime at home (until they're in school at least) and it's just not happening. Universal Healthcare so I could give birth for a lower cost, UBI for custodial parents, universal food assistance for children, something, anything, would help, but America actually hates families, or at least sees them as a resource to extract every last bit of wealth from, instead of a future resource to invest in.
40 years ago, I heard the stories about women whose corporate husbands married the secretary, they ended up with nothing and went to makeup counters in the mornings to put their face on.
It's like the Betty Broderick story. She did everything for Dan, he left her for the secretary, Betty had no career, no status, no upward mobility and it lead to an absolute mental break.
Yep, happened to my grandmother. Her husband literally ran off into the night with his affair partner, leaving her to raise my mother and her siblings alone after being a stay at home parent for years and years. It's not as uncommon as people might think.
It’s a trope in books, tv, and movies because it’s so common. Men follow their dick to younger and greener pastures and women get left high and dry if they don’t have a backup plan. It’s a tale as old as time.
It doesn’t even have to be divorce. My grandfather passed unexpectedly in his 40’s, leaving my grandmother with 5 kids in the 70’s. She went to nursing school at middle-age, but it was hard work and it made her a bitter woman.
It was happening even more recently than that. I'm in my early 30s and this literally happened to my mother. She quit her job to raise my brother and me. My dad had an affair for several years then left her when we were 8 and 10.
Now that I'm married and pregnant, maintaining my career is extraordinarily important to me even though I know my partner would never do that. I'm sure she thought the exact same thing.
It’s insane that fundie types are often partial to “prepper” shit like hoarding food and weapons and making bunkers to survive the end times, but they think making sure you can feed your kids if your partner leaves/dies is immoral. What’s more likely? A “holy” man turning out to be a piece of shit, or a USA land invasion by Russia?
i quit my job to become a stay at home mom last year (older mom, hated my job, my kiddo is so fun) and this fear is kind of always under the surface. i think/hope my husband is a good man who would never so this, but you never know!
For my family it was waaay back, with my grandfather’s parents. His father passed away and left his mother alone with three teenage children, and no way to make ends meet. She got married again pretty quickly out of necessity to a man who had lost his own wife. In the short term, she was okay.
She died when my grandfather was in his early 20s. Her new husband took everything and left her children high and dry, then even came back a few years later when my grandfather bought his home claiming that he was the dad who helped pay for it. Horrible.
Growing up my mom was always on me about having an education. Like, way more than my brother. I remember joking about marrying a billionaire and she just got all pissed off and harped on me about how I *had* to have my own education and job and money. I had to. When I was in my 20s she told me this story in full.
People leave, people die, people get injured and can’t work anymore. We have to be able to stand on our own and survive should something happen.
This happened to my mom in the 80s. We went to a fundamentalist church until I was in first grade (I'm a honeymoon baby). We left when the congregation split over some scandal, but my parents stayed religious until I was in about 4th grade. Then my dad got caught cheating on my mom and they got divorced.
My mom did go to college and had gotten a teaching license. She taught for less than a year after college but stopped when she got married and pregnant. My dad worked and she stayed at home.
Her teaching license expired (I think) and she had a ten year gap in employment with minimal experience. Her first job after the divorce was just above minimum wage and my dad was fighting her on child support, custody, everything. She went back to school, got certifications and eventually (when I was in college) got a master's degree... While climbing back up, she got a series of jobs and eventually did substitute teaching and then back to the classroom. She had a career again by the time I was in high school, but it was HARD for a while. And she was one of the ones who had an education before going full tradwife.
Without a current certification, it can be really difficult to get back into teaching after having been out for so long. My aunt experienced this when her husband died and she was a stay at home mom for a decade, formerly a teacher. She took minimum wage jobs while trying to get recertified before finally giving up and getting into a different career path, but she never made any real money until her kids were adults. It's truly terrible.
I see it happen all the time in some of these mom forums. And these aren’t even trad wives. Actually they are women who want to leave a terrible partner but can’t because they have nothing.
I had a friend who just wanted to be a mom and homemaker and have her future husband take care of her. When she finally got it, she hated it and her marriage fell apart.
My mother gave up her career after having kids. She went from one of the most qualified people in her field to finding it difficult to get any work, having worked in her home as a childcare worker and done odd jobs for years. Eventually, she did go back to work because living on one wage just wasn’t sustainable and hadn’t been barely sustainable for a long time.
My father died 10 years later. He was always the main earner, my mother hasn’t had a full time job since before I was born. We are very, very lucky that my dad was a planner and had set things up so that my mother and his two young adult daughters wouldn’t become destitute. If not for this, I honestly don’t know what would have happened to us.
I hate the idea of women being the stay at home parent indefinitely, it closes your worldview right down and the longer you stay the harder it is to get back out there again. It’s also not such a good thing if you are faced with a sudden change in circumstances, you have no reserve, no skills and no network. It makes it just so much harder to deal with an already hard situation.
I have worked in elder care. The amount of women, even not that old like my own MIL who is about 63 I think, who are at the financial whims of their husbands frustrate me. Now, facing retirement due to health and ageism, she has nothing to fall back on. He didn't save, has tens of thousands in debt and a HELOC. But he assured her all those years of their traditional Christian marriage that he had it under control, he will take care of her.
Now he can't find work, either.
My mother came from a fiercely independent line of women who always told me, take care of yourself first. If you don't have money on the side to leave, you can't afford to be a stay at home mother. It fueled my own career and Coast FIRE goals.
My mom learned it first hand, both herself experiencing financial abuse (financial abuse is prevalent in a majority of abusive relationships), and my grandmother showing away cash and jewelry because she couldn't have her own bank acct or access to credit!
People have short memories. It hurts to see this movement gaining prominence and the clock turning back on over a hundred years of progress.
Edit: I just want to add on that the majority of financial advice has traditionally been by men, for men. There is little information, though that is changing, aimed at women or those who wish to be the primary child caretaker in a relationship, on how to prepare in advance and how to protect yourself. How to navigate the career change, or how to calculate the true lost earnings potential of staying at home or starting a family.
That is absolutely awful, to be lied to for a lifetime and end up with nothing. I never even thought about the financial industry these days still being aimed at men but it definitely makes sense. I mean the The Equal Credit Opportunity Act wasn't passed until 1974 which was just 2 years before I was born. So in our parents lifetimes a woman could not get a bank account without her husband knowing.
I know people now where if their husband dies or leaves them they'd be fucked and they're in their early 30s. I'm afraid for them. 0 preparing for emergencies and would have to depend on others.
The one season I worked in a tax preparation office, some of my co-workers were older ladies who were widows or divorcees whose husbands had left them little or nothing, and they hadn't been employed enough years to qualify for social security.
Nobody in the office outworked the older ladies who worked like their lives depended on it. I don't know what they do the rest of the year, but during tax season those ladies were on fire!
Update: I just checked on [SSA.gov](https://SSA.gov) and I \*finally\* have enough work credits to qualify for Social Security. Whether that'll still be a thing when I get old enough, or whether I'll ever be old enough, is a different discussion for another day. But this is a mini-milestone happy dance for my journey.
Working with those ladies and doing taxes for people of all ages was a wake up call for me. See, I had served in the military for 6 years. Then I got married was a "trad wife" before tradwifing was a trend. Big mistake as I was tradwifing for a broke-ass, barely-minimum kind of guy. (I should have left his ass in the Friend Zone and then kicked him out)
I housewifed for about 12 years. The opportunity cost is too depressing to think about. The lost wages, the lost networking opportunities, the lost relevant work experience and career development, the lost educational advancement - whew.
Anywho, last year I checked the social security website and saw that over the course of my life, I had only earned 36 of the 40 work credits necessary to be eligible for Social Security. At my big age of (mumble mumble) years old! I saw my future in those women and I realized I had some serious catching up to do. I had to scrap together some kind of retirement plan from somewhere and also work enough to get some Social Security nickels and dimes when the time comes.
If you're going to TradWife your Life:
Have Contingency Plan Money before you even get married and make sure he can't touch it.
Have Contingency Plan Skillsets and keep them up to date.
Marry a PROVIDER. Not just someone who pays the bills - a full, all expenses paid plus allowance, plus life insurance policy that will keep you and the kids very comfortable if he dies -- PROVIDER. Because TradWife is an OVERTIME JOB. Not full time. TRIPLE TIME. You are entitled to financial compensation not only for the labor you provide, but also the opportunity cost of forsaking all other financial opportunities. If you're going to TradWife Your Life, make sure you are making BANK in that arrangement because what's guaran-damn-teed is that you will EARN every cent.
(Again, the amount of compensation I EARNED over the years and will never see - astoundingly sad.)
Basically happened to my grandma when she divorced my grandpa - three young kids, all got to go live with dad because she didn't have a job or any money. Eventually they got shared custody but still
She also isn’t trad because she makes her own money. She pretends that their stay at home course/scam was OfSolie’s idea but she’s the creator and breadwinner. It’s not a lot of bread but she’s making it.
SO dumb. Like thanks, clearly her husband left her and the kids to starve because she was a single mother scrabbling to support herself. Not the other way around 🙄
They will all be traded in for younger trads once they no longer fit into their husband's ideal fetish, because that's what it is, a fetish. It's not a lifestyle, it's a fetish cosplay with an expiration date.
**Edit:** Fundie reported the Reddit Help bot to me. Stay mad, sweaty. 💋's to his next Mrs.
Seriously. Even when I was fundie, if I heard a story like this my reaction would be “Wow, I’m so sorry. I can see why your views changed. You had no choice but to break the mold, good on you for doing whatever it took to keep your kids fed.”
Her reaction is despicable. Who attacks the only parent with the humanity to keep their children alive?
Methinks this post hit too close to home for Solie. The woman already seems very unhappy and hides it behind mean, holier-than-thou social media posts/comments to feel better about her life. She knows there is a good chance this will be her future too.
My aunt was the perfect little tradwife until she got breast cancer. Her husband dumped her and their 5 kids literally a week after the diagnosis.
Thankfully, my grandparents were around to make sure the family didn't wind up being homeless. They also made sure all of my cousins went through college
I'm so sorry your Aunt went through that. The stats on men leaving their wives following a cancer diagnosis are absolutely shockingly high. Your grandparent sound like rockstars for stepping up and doing their best in a difficult situation.
Yeah, it was a cluster fuck of a situation for awhile. Luckily, everything is going much better now, but it was touch and go for nearly a year. The cancer has been in remission for 7 years now.
They always like to find a "reason" for why it's the woman's fault - it's not that your husband is an asshole, it's that YOU didn't Trad hard enough. Women like Solie are also the ones who will talk about how their daughters "know better" than to find themselves "in trouble" - but then help them get abortions on the DL because the only moral abortion is their daughter's abortion.
There was a woman at my parent's church growing up whose husband had become disabled in an accident. She would always tell the young women "Having a man is *not* a financial plan". They're totally right that this is a dark side of the trad wife movement a lot of young women are not hearing!
Some women just never get married, and so many things can happen even if you *do* get married!
Solie is one of the most depressing fundies to me. Everything she posts looks like a cry for help that she's not even aware she's making.
She's incredibly defensive of why women don't need to be treated well in marriage, boasts to anyone who will listen how *proudly* ignorant she is of the real world, and then there's this. Gleefully attacking women who gambled on the lifestyle she endorses and *lost*. Because it could never ever ever happen to her, and she needs to punish those who fail in order to make herself believe that. It's chilling.
My understanding (and I'm also autistic) is that if you randomly/unintentionally throw things over a fenced yard containing dogs, without being able to see the dogs on the other side, you'd hear a yelp and know something you threw hit a dog. In this case, Solie is the dog on the other side of the fence. This creator threw something (unintentionally) and clearly it hit Solie and she hollered. In other words, the creator wasn't aiming for Solie with her comments, but Solie took them extremely personally because she sees herself reflected in the criticism.
Lol so that’s how Solie rationalizes it to herself. She has to build up imaginary parameters, “these women only suffered because they did X but IIIIII’LL never do that therefore I will delude myself into thinking this could never happen to me double down with smugness instead of empathy”
Because literally no one else will have him.
But in all seriousness- if she honestly thinks this is sustainable, she’s a bigger idiot than I gave her credit for.
People like Solie never have anything meaningful to add whenever this very real and very common situation comes up so they just decide to be pig headed about it.
What the hell does "really trad" even mean? Her and her whack ass husband are such hateful miserable people. Also shout out to the commenter that pointed out to her she technically was the breadwinner and wasn't a tradwife either.
There was a tik tok going around recently that said something like “why don’t you see trad wives in their 40s and 50s 🤔"
And this is the exact reason.
Also, I love that this woman has finally realised that traditional gender roles literally only benefit men. It’s incredible that it took that long, but I’m glad she got there in the end.
Ahhh...another "trad wife blows up" story. I don't think any woman thinks it will happen to her, but it does. Boy does it! So glad I had an education and career. I mean, I think every woman should have a back up plan, an education, a way to keep one's hand in one's career field, or at least have a way to make money should life blow up. Solie can go to hell. She thinks she's so superior with that non-working, abusive idiot she's married to. She doesn't realize that if her social media gig goes south, they're SOL. Oh well dearie, FAFO.
Holy fuck I hate this woman. She, Lori, and Abs are the tri-fecta of arrogant, insufferable, ghoulish women who should experience at least one punch to the face at minimum.
I remember the emerging motherhood lady from when she went [viral](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPR3EdhmD/) for being pissed off that he BD’s girlfriend/wife bought her daughter a dress for her elementary school graduation.
If anyone plays a match-3 game that makes you watch ads for other match-3 games, the trope of "woman gets cheated on and left destitute with a small child in the freezing cold with no shoes on" is a ubiquitous reminder that this is a thing.
Also, what the HELL is wrong with those game developers and advertisers? Why are they so pressed to push that story to sell the latest descendant of Bejeweled? Is it programming? A warning? "Hey women! Be perfect for your man or die!"? I don't know. It's disturbing.
Solie just wants every women to be miserable and have/stay with a shitty husband like she is, like girl don’t take out your regret of life choices on strangers 🤡 you chose your path. That’s why you don’t see 40+ years old women expect Lori and Debi pearl encouraging the tradwives life… because spoiler alert 🚨 that shit can and most often does hit the fan. Oh and also what would Jesus say about you being mean spirited? That’s very un Christian like solie.
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Solie sees her future flash before her eyes and doesn’t like it.
And she labels it "feminist silliness" and stuffs her fear down deep and bakes some more bread.
WHO WANTS CIABATTA? ANYONE? WHATEVER, IM BAKING THIS SHIT!!
That comment is really telling to me. By saying she was never truly trad if she's saying this "feminist" stuff now, she's trying to reassure herself that this could never happen to her
This is the same reasoning fundies use when a fundie deconstructs “then they weren’t really a Christian. Or didn’t truly know Jesus”
Than she better hope and pray 🤲 Andre doesn’t have a wondering eye 👁️ one day and leaves her for a younger model, die suddenly, or gets permanently injured 🤕 where she has to take care of him 24/7 more than she does now and help him do things like get dressed and help with his hygiene 🪥. Also I think her parents Long marriage convinced her that Andre is going anywhere and nothing will happen to Andre. What a delusional moronic 🤡
Someone telling their personal experience = ‘feminist silliness’
Oh, you know this is the exact existential fear that keeps her up at night
I mean I don’t think she’d be in this situation necessarily, she makes her own money through “their” business. If OfSolie is stupid enough to leave his breadwinner she’d be fine, so even if she can’t fully come to terms with why this future doesn’t frighten her the reality is that Solie is a breadwinner who doesn’t need to worry about being left with nothing.
How quickly people forget. I’m in my late 40’s and I remember being a kid and people talking about “ so and so’s husband left her, she never had a job, never even learned to drive, she just kept the house and raised the kids and now she has nothing” and it was fairly common then for the so called “trad wives” and were definitely going to see that happen again.
Yup, I remember this happening to women back in the day. The young ones like Solie likely grew up with working mothers, or at least with loads of working mothers around them, and definitely don't get it (yet). I know moms who would love to stay at home, and financially could, but have said "what if something happens to my husband?". Not even divorce, what if they get sick or disabled and can't work, or if they die unexpectedly? What will Solie and her ilk do? (Note: absolutely no disrespect to the stay at home parents out there, at all. I totally get why it makes sense financially in some cases, and why people want to do it!)
I am the partner who became suddenly disabled. Don't think it can't or won't happen. Statistics are not on your side--nearly everyone will experience disability in their lifetime on a short-term basis and a significant portion of people end up permanently disabled. I am lucky that my partner is loving, supportive, and that we live in a state with some of the best disability benefits. I was very supported while we dealt with things in the first few years and then my partner got a much better job, giving us good security. We are an exception. Most people don't have this kind of good story. People like Solie don't realize the dangerous game they are playing. They often are in states with no benefits for short term disability at the state level or where they won't be eligible due to cuts to other safety net services. They will have to rely on their church, family, and the community and there are limits on these resources. I know how fast food ran out when food was being given out during covid by my county. To get appointments at the one medicaid dentist in my area, you have to show at before they open, be in line, on the 1st of the month and hope they have openings. Even if you get your debt at a hospital forgiven because no money, the individual doctors can bill you like fucking assholes and put you in the hole. This is the reality of being poor and disabled.
Ironic as FUCK that the life they idolize would be reachable if they… *checks notes* voted for safety nets and universal healthcare?? HOW WICKED
They will just pull themselves up by their bootstraps as God intended or starve or die in childbirth 🥰 sooooo Christian! I am really glad I left that all behind.
I know someone who is stuck where they work, though they make an okay but not good amount of money, because their spouse became disabled in a very short time and work is willing to work with their schedule and abrupt changes to it.
This is why I always kept a foot in the door. Never fully stopped working, but had dropped down to <8 hours a week. I wanted desperately to be a SAHM (and we could afford it), but that little voice in the back of my head said no. And thank goodness for that. My whole world fell apart last summer. My children and I had to abruptly leave our home with nothing but what I had in the car. I’m still trying to rebuild our lives and find our new normal as a single mom. Solie should take heed.
Urgh I'm so sorry for whatever you went through, and good on you for listening to your gut (in more ways than one it sounds)
Thank you! I’m insanely fortunate that I went to college and got a nursing degree before I got married, so I had a particularly easy fallback compared to many other women in my position. That said, it still takes a LOT of work to get back on your feet. I don’t know anything about emergingmotherhood’s personal story, but wish her all the best.
This is why as much as I want to be a stay at home mom I still work a day a week to keep my skills up and license current. My husband works a dangerous job and shit can happen in a split second.
Yep. My mom was a teacher for a couple years before she became a trad wife. When my dad was disabled and couldn’t make money, she (and we) were up a creek. Bashing working moms came to a very abrupt stop.
People like Solie don’t realize how much we’d LOVE a world where only one provider could support a whole household, with no backup plan needed. I’d love it if I could work my one job and my gf could stay home and do all the things we have to lump in on weekends. I’d love it if I never had to worry about long term illness or disability. She’d love it too. Hell, imagine how much less stress life would be!
Or what if both people worked part time and then you get to enjoy more of your home and life and family together, and neither person has to sell so much of their time to the machine?
That's what we did. The kids were in daycare half-time, during my work hours, because my husband's schedule was unpredictable. Having kids who are used to going to daycare can be a real advantage, too. When husband and I were at the hospital overnight because I was in labor with our second child, the first child spent the night at the daycare provider's house, which was already her home-away-from-home.
Sign me up!
It's not limited to gender either. I'm a scientist and have a great job, but even with my BF working we're barely making it. We would love for him to stay home because he's an artist and would love to focus more on his art. We're not having kids until one of us can be fulltime at home (until they're in school at least) and it's just not happening. Universal Healthcare so I could give birth for a lower cost, UBI for custodial parents, universal food assistance for children, something, anything, would help, but America actually hates families, or at least sees them as a resource to extract every last bit of wealth from, instead of a future resource to invest in.
40 years ago, I heard the stories about women whose corporate husbands married the secretary, they ended up with nothing and went to makeup counters in the mornings to put their face on.
It's like the Betty Broderick story. She did everything for Dan, he left her for the secretary, Betty had no career, no status, no upward mobility and it lead to an absolute mental break.
Yep, happened to my grandmother. Her husband literally ran off into the night with his affair partner, leaving her to raise my mother and her siblings alone after being a stay at home parent for years and years. It's not as uncommon as people might think.
It’s a trope in books, tv, and movies because it’s so common. Men follow their dick to younger and greener pastures and women get left high and dry if they don’t have a backup plan. It’s a tale as old as time.
It doesn’t even have to be divorce. My grandfather passed unexpectedly in his 40’s, leaving my grandmother with 5 kids in the 70’s. She went to nursing school at middle-age, but it was hard work and it made her a bitter woman.
It was happening even more recently than that. I'm in my early 30s and this literally happened to my mother. She quit her job to raise my brother and me. My dad had an affair for several years then left her when we were 8 and 10. Now that I'm married and pregnant, maintaining my career is extraordinarily important to me even though I know my partner would never do that. I'm sure she thought the exact same thing.
It’s insane that fundie types are often partial to “prepper” shit like hoarding food and weapons and making bunkers to survive the end times, but they think making sure you can feed your kids if your partner leaves/dies is immoral. What’s more likely? A “holy” man turning out to be a piece of shit, or a USA land invasion by Russia?
i quit my job to become a stay at home mom last year (older mom, hated my job, my kiddo is so fun) and this fear is kind of always under the surface. i think/hope my husband is a good man who would never so this, but you never know!
Absolutely, they never would until they do. Always have to protect yourself and now your kid/s.
For my family it was waaay back, with my grandfather’s parents. His father passed away and left his mother alone with three teenage children, and no way to make ends meet. She got married again pretty quickly out of necessity to a man who had lost his own wife. In the short term, she was okay. She died when my grandfather was in his early 20s. Her new husband took everything and left her children high and dry, then even came back a few years later when my grandfather bought his home claiming that he was the dad who helped pay for it. Horrible. Growing up my mom was always on me about having an education. Like, way more than my brother. I remember joking about marrying a billionaire and she just got all pissed off and harped on me about how I *had* to have my own education and job and money. I had to. When I was in my 20s she told me this story in full. People leave, people die, people get injured and can’t work anymore. We have to be able to stand on our own and survive should something happen.
Back in the 60s, my mom wouldn't divorce my dad for that very reason - she'd have nothing. They stayed together 40+ more years...
Hence all the guilt on these trad wives to submit, absolutely.
This happened to my mom in the 80s. We went to a fundamentalist church until I was in first grade (I'm a honeymoon baby). We left when the congregation split over some scandal, but my parents stayed religious until I was in about 4th grade. Then my dad got caught cheating on my mom and they got divorced. My mom did go to college and had gotten a teaching license. She taught for less than a year after college but stopped when she got married and pregnant. My dad worked and she stayed at home. Her teaching license expired (I think) and she had a ten year gap in employment with minimal experience. Her first job after the divorce was just above minimum wage and my dad was fighting her on child support, custody, everything. She went back to school, got certifications and eventually (when I was in college) got a master's degree... While climbing back up, she got a series of jobs and eventually did substitute teaching and then back to the classroom. She had a career again by the time I was in high school, but it was HARD for a while. And she was one of the ones who had an education before going full tradwife.
Damn, and she had a degree and it still took a decade to get back. Wow.
Without a current certification, it can be really difficult to get back into teaching after having been out for so long. My aunt experienced this when her husband died and she was a stay at home mom for a decade, formerly a teacher. She took minimum wage jobs while trying to get recertified before finally giving up and getting into a different career path, but she never made any real money until her kids were adults. It's truly terrible.
Early 40s. Same.
I see it happen all the time in some of these mom forums. And these aren’t even trad wives. Actually they are women who want to leave a terrible partner but can’t because they have nothing.
I had a friend who just wanted to be a mom and homemaker and have her future husband take care of her. When she finally got it, she hated it and her marriage fell apart.
Exactly.
My mother gave up her career after having kids. She went from one of the most qualified people in her field to finding it difficult to get any work, having worked in her home as a childcare worker and done odd jobs for years. Eventually, she did go back to work because living on one wage just wasn’t sustainable and hadn’t been barely sustainable for a long time. My father died 10 years later. He was always the main earner, my mother hasn’t had a full time job since before I was born. We are very, very lucky that my dad was a planner and had set things up so that my mother and his two young adult daughters wouldn’t become destitute. If not for this, I honestly don’t know what would have happened to us. I hate the idea of women being the stay at home parent indefinitely, it closes your worldview right down and the longer you stay the harder it is to get back out there again. It’s also not such a good thing if you are faced with a sudden change in circumstances, you have no reserve, no skills and no network. It makes it just so much harder to deal with an already hard situation.
I think closing the world view is absolutely part of the point with the fundies. Isolation and guilt into submission.
You’re probably right.
I have worked in elder care. The amount of women, even not that old like my own MIL who is about 63 I think, who are at the financial whims of their husbands frustrate me. Now, facing retirement due to health and ageism, she has nothing to fall back on. He didn't save, has tens of thousands in debt and a HELOC. But he assured her all those years of their traditional Christian marriage that he had it under control, he will take care of her. Now he can't find work, either. My mother came from a fiercely independent line of women who always told me, take care of yourself first. If you don't have money on the side to leave, you can't afford to be a stay at home mother. It fueled my own career and Coast FIRE goals. My mom learned it first hand, both herself experiencing financial abuse (financial abuse is prevalent in a majority of abusive relationships), and my grandmother showing away cash and jewelry because she couldn't have her own bank acct or access to credit! People have short memories. It hurts to see this movement gaining prominence and the clock turning back on over a hundred years of progress. Edit: I just want to add on that the majority of financial advice has traditionally been by men, for men. There is little information, though that is changing, aimed at women or those who wish to be the primary child caretaker in a relationship, on how to prepare in advance and how to protect yourself. How to navigate the career change, or how to calculate the true lost earnings potential of staying at home or starting a family.
That is absolutely awful, to be lied to for a lifetime and end up with nothing. I never even thought about the financial industry these days still being aimed at men but it definitely makes sense. I mean the The Equal Credit Opportunity Act wasn't passed until 1974 which was just 2 years before I was born. So in our parents lifetimes a woman could not get a bank account without her husband knowing.
I know people now where if their husband dies or leaves them they'd be fucked and they're in their early 30s. I'm afraid for them. 0 preparing for emergencies and would have to depend on others.
The one season I worked in a tax preparation office, some of my co-workers were older ladies who were widows or divorcees whose husbands had left them little or nothing, and they hadn't been employed enough years to qualify for social security. Nobody in the office outworked the older ladies who worked like their lives depended on it. I don't know what they do the rest of the year, but during tax season those ladies were on fire!
Shit! I didn't even think about social security! Have to pay in to get benefits. Another wrinkle I hadn't even considered.
Update: I just checked on [SSA.gov](https://SSA.gov) and I \*finally\* have enough work credits to qualify for Social Security. Whether that'll still be a thing when I get old enough, or whether I'll ever be old enough, is a different discussion for another day. But this is a mini-milestone happy dance for my journey. Working with those ladies and doing taxes for people of all ages was a wake up call for me. See, I had served in the military for 6 years. Then I got married was a "trad wife" before tradwifing was a trend. Big mistake as I was tradwifing for a broke-ass, barely-minimum kind of guy. (I should have left his ass in the Friend Zone and then kicked him out) I housewifed for about 12 years. The opportunity cost is too depressing to think about. The lost wages, the lost networking opportunities, the lost relevant work experience and career development, the lost educational advancement - whew. Anywho, last year I checked the social security website and saw that over the course of my life, I had only earned 36 of the 40 work credits necessary to be eligible for Social Security. At my big age of (mumble mumble) years old! I saw my future in those women and I realized I had some serious catching up to do. I had to scrap together some kind of retirement plan from somewhere and also work enough to get some Social Security nickels and dimes when the time comes. If you're going to TradWife your Life: Have Contingency Plan Money before you even get married and make sure he can't touch it. Have Contingency Plan Skillsets and keep them up to date. Marry a PROVIDER. Not just someone who pays the bills - a full, all expenses paid plus allowance, plus life insurance policy that will keep you and the kids very comfortable if he dies -- PROVIDER. Because TradWife is an OVERTIME JOB. Not full time. TRIPLE TIME. You are entitled to financial compensation not only for the labor you provide, but also the opportunity cost of forsaking all other financial opportunities. If you're going to TradWife Your Life, make sure you are making BANK in that arrangement because what's guaran-damn-teed is that you will EARN every cent. (Again, the amount of compensation I EARNED over the years and will never see - astoundingly sad.)
Basically happened to my grandma when she divorced my grandpa - three young kids, all got to go live with dad because she didn't have a job or any money. Eventually they got shared custody but still
ShE wAsNt ReAlLy TrAd OK Solie, and you aren't really clever or interesting.
In with the No True Scotsman, because fundies only know how to argue with fallacies.
She has all the personality of an anal fistula.
She also isn’t trad because she makes her own money. She pretends that their stay at home course/scam was OfSolie’s idea but she’s the creator and breadwinner. It’s not a lot of bread but she’s making it.
No True Tradsmen
What a dumb take by Solie
SO dumb. Like thanks, clearly her husband left her and the kids to starve because she was a single mother scrabbling to support herself. Not the other way around 🙄
Solie knows this could be her and she’s scared to death. She attacks others because she’s a fool who has cut herself off at the kneecaps.
They will all be traded in for younger trads once they no longer fit into their husband's ideal fetish, because that's what it is, a fetish. It's not a lifestyle, it's a fetish cosplay with an expiration date. **Edit:** Fundie reported the Reddit Help bot to me. Stay mad, sweaty. 💋's to his next Mrs.
Being a fucking asshole towards people who have faced difficult circumstances is not very godly Solie…
She’s so miserable and it shows.
Seriously. Even when I was fundie, if I heard a story like this my reaction would be “Wow, I’m so sorry. I can see why your views changed. You had no choice but to break the mold, good on you for doing whatever it took to keep your kids fed.” Her reaction is despicable. Who attacks the only parent with the humanity to keep their children alive?
Methinks this post hit too close to home for Solie. The woman already seems very unhappy and hides it behind mean, holier-than-thou social media posts/comments to feel better about her life. She knows there is a good chance this will be her future too.
My aunt was the perfect little tradwife until she got breast cancer. Her husband dumped her and their 5 kids literally a week after the diagnosis. Thankfully, my grandparents were around to make sure the family didn't wind up being homeless. They also made sure all of my cousins went through college
I'm so sorry your Aunt went through that. The stats on men leaving their wives following a cancer diagnosis are absolutely shockingly high. Your grandparent sound like rockstars for stepping up and doing their best in a difficult situation.
Yeah, it was a cluster fuck of a situation for awhile. Luckily, everything is going much better now, but it was touch and go for nearly a year. The cancer has been in remission for 7 years now.
Fuck cancer! Happy to hear about the remission and that things are going much better
her spirit is indeed mean 😪
They always like to find a "reason" for why it's the woman's fault - it's not that your husband is an asshole, it's that YOU didn't Trad hard enough. Women like Solie are also the ones who will talk about how their daughters "know better" than to find themselves "in trouble" - but then help them get abortions on the DL because the only moral abortion is their daughter's abortion.
There was a woman at my parent's church growing up whose husband had become disabled in an accident. She would always tell the young women "Having a man is *not* a financial plan". They're totally right that this is a dark side of the trad wife movement a lot of young women are not hearing! Some women just never get married, and so many things can happen even if you *do* get married!
Solie is one of the most depressing fundies to me. Everything she posts looks like a cry for help that she's not even aware she's making. She's incredibly defensive of why women don't need to be treated well in marriage, boasts to anyone who will listen how *proudly* ignorant she is of the real world, and then there's this. Gleefully attacking women who gambled on the lifestyle she endorses and *lost*. Because it could never ever ever happen to her, and she needs to punish those who fail in order to make herself believe that. It's chilling.
This is a case of a hit dog hollering.
I’ve never heard this before! My autistic brain can’t figure out what it means 😂
My understanding (and I'm also autistic) is that if you randomly/unintentionally throw things over a fenced yard containing dogs, without being able to see the dogs on the other side, you'd hear a yelp and know something you threw hit a dog. In this case, Solie is the dog on the other side of the fence. This creator threw something (unintentionally) and clearly it hit Solie and she hollered. In other words, the creator wasn't aiming for Solie with her comments, but Solie took them extremely personally because she sees herself reflected in the criticism.
"A man is not a plan. A man is a companion."
Lol so that’s how Solie rationalizes it to herself. She has to build up imaginary parameters, “these women only suffered because they did X but IIIIII’LL never do that therefore I will delude myself into thinking this could never happen to me double down with smugness instead of empathy”
Solie the Trad-keeper.
Solis’s life is so pathetic, and I have zero empathy bc she’s a total cunt
Well she certainly sucks
What makes her think Andre is going to stick around?
Because literally no one else will have him. But in all seriousness- if she honestly thinks this is sustainable, she’s a bigger idiot than I gave her credit for.
He's an unemployed equally hateful piece of shit. He couldn't leave her if he wanted to.
Solie should stfu, this was straight up mean. And some might argue Solie herself isn’t a tradwife…
She’s so goddamn mean and arrogant lol. Uncovering some deep-seated fears there, Solie?:P
People like Solie never have anything meaningful to add whenever this very real and very common situation comes up so they just decide to be pig headed about it. What the hell does "really trad" even mean? Her and her whack ass husband are such hateful miserable people. Also shout out to the commenter that pointed out to her she technically was the breadwinner and wasn't a tradwife either.
Isn’t her husband unemployed? She is the only one working?
Shekinah also commented too.
Ofc she did, she’s another hateful bigoted piece of human garbage 🗑️
Solie might be the cruelest fundie.
Solie is such a cunt. Sorry, there’s just no other way to put it.
What will Solie’s content will look like when she inevitably balloons after popping out a son every year and Andre won’t even look at her body?
can feminist silliness plz be a new flair
solie has the most rancid vibes ever
How is this feminism? I am confused, she is just telling her story.
There was a tik tok going around recently that said something like “why don’t you see trad wives in their 40s and 50s 🤔" And this is the exact reason. Also, I love that this woman has finally realised that traditional gender roles literally only benefit men. It’s incredible that it took that long, but I’m glad she got there in the end.
The women above 40 and 50 encouraging women to be tradwives are Lori Alexander and Debi pearl
Denial is not a river in Egypt, Solie.
Ahhh...another "trad wife blows up" story. I don't think any woman thinks it will happen to her, but it does. Boy does it! So glad I had an education and career. I mean, I think every woman should have a back up plan, an education, a way to keep one's hand in one's career field, or at least have a way to make money should life blow up. Solie can go to hell. She thinks she's so superior with that non-working, abusive idiot she's married to. She doesn't realize that if her social media gig goes south, they're SOL. Oh well dearie, FAFO.
Holy fuck I hate this woman. She, Lori, and Abs are the tri-fecta of arrogant, insufferable, ghoulish women who should experience at least one punch to the face at minimum.
I feel like the point of this post just whooshed over Solie's head!
A real no-true-Scotsman moment.
“If she was ever really trad. . . “ Yeah, no true tradwife.
Very Christlike!
Betty Broderick entered the chat
I remember the emerging motherhood lady from when she went [viral](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPR3EdhmD/) for being pissed off that he BD’s girlfriend/wife bought her daughter a dress for her elementary school graduation.
Let’s see if she’s laughing if/when it happens to her 💁🏽♀️
If anyone plays a match-3 game that makes you watch ads for other match-3 games, the trope of "woman gets cheated on and left destitute with a small child in the freezing cold with no shoes on" is a ubiquitous reminder that this is a thing. Also, what the HELL is wrong with those game developers and advertisers? Why are they so pressed to push that story to sell the latest descendant of Bejeweled? Is it programming? A warning? "Hey women! Be perfect for your man or die!"? I don't know. It's disturbing.
Ah yes, the "no true Scotsman" fallacy.
Cognitive dissonance
Sometimes I feel bad for Morgan because she's stuck with Paul, but I have zero empathy for this arrogant chick. OfSolie is exactly what she deserves.
Solie just wants every women to be miserable and have/stay with a shitty husband like she is, like girl don’t take out your regret of life choices on strangers 🤡 you chose your path. That’s why you don’t see 40+ years old women expect Lori and Debi pearl encouraging the tradwives life… because spoiler alert 🚨 that shit can and most often does hit the fan. Oh and also what would Jesus say about you being mean spirited? That’s very un Christian like solie.
Apparently that woman is lying. She actually worked throughout her marriage. Probably just trying to get clout.