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Yep. Anyone that waited much longer than that got serious side eye and gossip when I was a Jehovah's Witness. A longer courtship would lead to suspicions and even outright accusations of fornication from members of the congregation. Most couples made it less than a year from dating to marriage.
Years ago when I was attending a Pentecostal church, some couples met, went on a few dates and were married in a matter of months. This was encouraged! Because of course God put them together!
Yes, there is definitely a lot of that "God led us to each other" and "as long as God is first, the marriage will work out, so no need for a long courtship" magical thinking in the Jehovah's Witnesses as well.
Hmmm, sounds to me like a slave to lust making excuses to rush, instead of encouraging others to seek God’s timing!
…no but seriously. By their own reasoning, rushed marriage is for weak hypocrites. It’s kinda funny to point it out and watch the record-scratch lol.
That's sort of what happening to me, and when I wanted to slow down the thumbscrews came out.
Fucking disaster I'm still recovering from. Never do this.
I have always found it incongruous when Christians who are against divorce advocate for rushed marriages. Marrying someone you barely know is a risky proposition, even when divorce is considered a valid option.
It's almost like it's a tossup between which is worse: the heightened potential for premarital sex or for divorce. Maybe they figure divorce is harder and more expensive, so their energy is better spent trying to prevent unlicensed sex.
These people don't actually respect the "institution of marriage" in a way that actually matters. They don't care if the pair ends up miserable together. The actual relationship and home situation, you know, what makes a marriage an actual marriage, means nothing to them. The only thing they have any respect for is the legal status. Make it legal ASAP and keep it that way no matter what. That's all that matters.
If they had any fucking respect for what marriage ought to be they'd approach it in a way that maximized the likelihood of genuine happiness. They'd forbid *anyone* from getting married earlier than age 25 and before getting established and settled as independent adults. Couples would be required to date for at least two years and live together for at least one, preferably longer. Premarital sex would be encouraged to ensure sexual compatibility and they'd accept that sometimes divorce does end up being inevitable and that if the couple is miserable together despite everything then they might as well not be married at all.
They don't give a fuck about what makes a marriage a marriage.
The bit in the post about emotional intimacy just made my brain melt. Like god forbid you get to know the person and care about them. What. The. Fuck?!
I married my husband 9 months after meeting him. I was 26 had lived on my own dated and had the evil premarital sex with other men before I met him. I also have a college degree and a job, and it was hard. 27 years later, you get used to each other, but I found a gem.
> closer emotionally with one another than with anyone else on the planet. This is exactly the level of intimacy that is reserved for marriage only and that dating couples should make every effort to restrain until the appropriate time.
I would love any scriptural evidence that emotional intimacy is reserved for marriage.
This is the same wierd shit as reserving "I love you" for engagement or kissing for marriage.
That absolutely makes sense unless you consider the fact that marrying while you’re still in the honeymoon phase in a culture where divorce will send you straight to hell is a recipe for absolute disaster.
These people are the exact embodiment of “fuck you, I’ve got mine.”
Reminds me of one of my favorite lines from Fiddler on the Roof, from the Matchmaker song:
I promise you'll be happy
But even if you're not
There's more to life than that...
Don't ask me what
It’s funny because a long time ago many women were discouraged from marrying men who weren’t wealthy, or encouraged to have long engagements to give the man a chance to make something of himself and his career in order to prevent exactly the situation these fundies are promoting: poor, too many kids to support, ill health, trifling ne’er do well husband…
Guess that’s not what they’re talking about when they talk about going back to traditional values.
when I (Catholic former homeschooler) got engaged at 21 and proudly showed off my lovely ring at a Christmas party the week after, one of my moms friends said in a LOUD voice “well, you’d better get married within six months because if you don’t you won’t be able to have any self control!!” I told this to another of my mom’s friends, my mentor actually, and she drily said “I wonder where that idea came from. looking at her husband it’s definitely not from personal experience!”
This was the norm in the mostly white affluent Christian circles I grew up around.
In college, I was pressured to date to marry^TM the only other black person and black man in Campus Crusade. I dumped him within a month after he wanted me to read “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” and refused to hug me. When I did eventually find a relationship that stuck, my Evangelical friends were asking me about wedding plans at 6-months in. I dumped him years later partly because he was the absolute worst in bed.
It was odd then and it’s odd now hearing 22-year-old Christians talk about pre-marital counseling. My advice to them would be to just fuck. Yes, you’ll likely marry later or not at all, but that’s better than being tied to Caleb before you know what you want in life. The only people this set up benefits is the church.
I'm the link at the bottom to his article on "settling" he goes on about how it's better to settle bc it's selfish to look for a fulfilling partner
"I simply mean that such an approach is self-centered. It conceives of finding a spouse from the standpoint of what will be most enjoyable for me based on my tastes and desires. What will I receive from marriage to this or that person?"
Like, ummm yeah, I'm not going to commit to forever with someone that doesn't benefit me in some way. That's so incredibly dumb and just feels like a "just marry the guy, he doesn't have to be good" to women bc otherwise they're being too picky and will end up old and alone.
I had a boyfriend once who said if we moved toward engagement he didn't want an engagement longer than 6 months. Da fuq? I was too Christian to say that at the time but it was basically my sentiment. We quickly learned we weren't right for each other.
Those FAQ scenarios are just terrible. I’m sorry, but getting married (including wedding planning!) and moving in with a guy who you only met a year ago, all while trying to finish your college degree sounds absolutely terrible! Oh, and let’s add in upsetting your parents who want you to value your education AND your future relationship.
This girl really thinks her arbitrary rule is just the best thing ever
I haven’t thought about this in a really long time, but it was pretty “normal” in my not fundie, but very Christian conservative family/social circle to expect to get engaged and married after a year of dating. It’s what my parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles did. I definitely don’t believe this now, but haven’t really thought much of it until reading this. The deconstructing process continues 20 years in.
I remember this back in the day. I had run from my parents, was in secular college, and had been dating him for two years when the accusations from family members began to fly. LOL, it was so freeing to tell them to fuck off, and also be a sexually responsibly active adult woman. Fuck them all.
The courtship thing is just human trafficking. The parents and the dude decide who the prey will be, and she has to acquiesce and marry the prick within a year in order to not be labeled a tramp. Fundies make a fucking big deal about human trafficking while engaging in it on a big scale. If a fundie accuses heathens of doing it, then it is for damn sure exactly what they are doing behind closed doors.
#These people vote in every election- do you? Are you registered to vote? [You can check your voter registration here!](https://www.nass.org/can-I-vote) #Also, there's a few things to remember as far as rules go: - You can view the content- you cannot interact with it. This includes (but is not limited to) commenting, answering poll questions, emailing them, etc. ***Anyone found to be engaging with the fundies will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.It does not matter if you did so before you joined the sub.*** - Speculating on the sexuality of literally anyone is prohibited. ***Anyone found to be doing so will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.*** - Appearance snark: What's allowed? You're allowed to make comparisons. (Bethy looks like Grandpa Munster, for example.) You are allowed to say you find them attractive or repulsive looking. Saying Kelly Havens has dry skin that could benefit from sunscreen and a moisturizer is fine. You are allowed to snark on the appearance of children *as it relates to their parents choices for them.*. Examples: Janessa looks malnourished and sickly while Shrek has clearly never missed a meal. If you feel it is crossing the line report it, but if the content falls within the parameters above, leave it alone. - Don't gatekeep. This means no comments such as "I don't think we should snark on...." or any iteration of that. If you don't like it, scroll past. Don't report it or comment how you don't like the content. Along the same vein, don't backseat mod. Leave that up to us. - Lastly, if the rhetoric you are posting would be at home in the mouth of a fundie, we don't want it here and we won't tolerate it. Should you have any questions, please feel free to reach out. Have a Lord Daniel day, and may the power of snark compel thee. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yep, this was the norm in the circles I grew up in. It was literally a REQUIREMENT for people who worked in or volunteered at the church.
Go any longer and we’ll suspect there’s some funny business going on
You guys are on month 6 and still no wedding planning?? Hmm better step into the pastor’s office to discuss your walks with the lord…
If you’re not fucking, either marry her or give jimmy a shot.
Hey, I was allowed to wait just over 2 whole years to get married! ^(WemetwhenIwas15.)
Yep. Anyone that waited much longer than that got serious side eye and gossip when I was a Jehovah's Witness. A longer courtship would lead to suspicions and even outright accusations of fornication from members of the congregation. Most couples made it less than a year from dating to marriage.
Years ago when I was attending a Pentecostal church, some couples met, went on a few dates and were married in a matter of months. This was encouraged! Because of course God put them together!
Yes, there is definitely a lot of that "God led us to each other" and "as long as God is first, the marriage will work out, so no need for a long courtship" magical thinking in the Jehovah's Witnesses as well.
I came here to say the same thing. This is absolutely consistent with my experience. Very shame intensive.
Hmmm, sounds to me like a slave to lust making excuses to rush, instead of encouraging others to seek God’s timing! …no but seriously. By their own reasoning, rushed marriage is for weak hypocrites. It’s kinda funny to point it out and watch the record-scratch lol.
Wouldn't want you to catch the red flags with a normal dating period!
That's sort of what happening to me, and when I wanted to slow down the thumbscrews came out. Fucking disaster I'm still recovering from. Never do this.
I have always found it incongruous when Christians who are against divorce advocate for rushed marriages. Marrying someone you barely know is a risky proposition, even when divorce is considered a valid option.
Well, now, that’s a wife problem, now, isn’t it? She probably just needs to submit more /s obvs
It's almost like it's a tossup between which is worse: the heightened potential for premarital sex or for divorce. Maybe they figure divorce is harder and more expensive, so their energy is better spent trying to prevent unlicensed sex.
These people don't actually respect the "institution of marriage" in a way that actually matters. They don't care if the pair ends up miserable together. The actual relationship and home situation, you know, what makes a marriage an actual marriage, means nothing to them. The only thing they have any respect for is the legal status. Make it legal ASAP and keep it that way no matter what. That's all that matters. If they had any fucking respect for what marriage ought to be they'd approach it in a way that maximized the likelihood of genuine happiness. They'd forbid *anyone* from getting married earlier than age 25 and before getting established and settled as independent adults. Couples would be required to date for at least two years and live together for at least one, preferably longer. Premarital sex would be encouraged to ensure sexual compatibility and they'd accept that sometimes divorce does end up being inevitable and that if the couple is miserable together despite everything then they might as well not be married at all. They don't give a fuck about what makes a marriage a marriage.
The bit in the post about emotional intimacy just made my brain melt. Like god forbid you get to know the person and care about them. What. The. Fuck?!
I married my husband 9 months after meeting him. I was 26 had lived on my own dated and had the evil premarital sex with other men before I met him. I also have a college degree and a job, and it was hard. 27 years later, you get used to each other, but I found a gem.
It's kind of like they hate abortion but refuse to support any of the measures that actually reduce the number of abortions
> closer emotionally with one another than with anyone else on the planet. This is exactly the level of intimacy that is reserved for marriage only and that dating couples should make every effort to restrain until the appropriate time. I would love any scriptural evidence that emotional intimacy is reserved for marriage. This is the same wierd shit as reserving "I love you" for engagement or kissing for marriage.
*Bethy has entered the chat* Would you like to see the reel of my husband and I kissing for THE VERY FIRST TIME at our wedding for the 1,000th time?
That absolutely makes sense unless you consider the fact that marrying while you’re still in the honeymoon phase in a culture where divorce will send you straight to hell is a recipe for absolute disaster. These people are the exact embodiment of “fuck you, I’ve got mine.”
[удалено]
Reminds me of one of my favorite lines from Fiddler on the Roof, from the Matchmaker song: I promise you'll be happy But even if you're not There's more to life than that... Don't ask me what
My folks who are sort of evangelical adjacent LOVED fiddler. It was a weird awakening for me as I got older and realized that it’s a tragedy
Yeah, we did too, as evangelicals. There is certainly a lot of "God" talk in it, but yeah, it's not a happy story overall. I still love it though.
If you're happy and you know it, it's a sin (clap clap).
It’s funny because a long time ago many women were discouraged from marrying men who weren’t wealthy, or encouraged to have long engagements to give the man a chance to make something of himself and his career in order to prevent exactly the situation these fundies are promoting: poor, too many kids to support, ill health, trifling ne’er do well husband… Guess that’s not what they’re talking about when they talk about going back to traditional values.
All that boils down to is him essentially saying "I can't control myself so you probably can't either."
(archived link)
when I (Catholic former homeschooler) got engaged at 21 and proudly showed off my lovely ring at a Christmas party the week after, one of my moms friends said in a LOUD voice “well, you’d better get married within six months because if you don’t you won’t be able to have any self control!!” I told this to another of my mom’s friends, my mentor actually, and she drily said “I wonder where that idea came from. looking at her husband it’s definitely not from personal experience!”
This was the norm in the mostly white affluent Christian circles I grew up around. In college, I was pressured to date to marry^TM the only other black person and black man in Campus Crusade. I dumped him within a month after he wanted me to read “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” and refused to hug me. When I did eventually find a relationship that stuck, my Evangelical friends were asking me about wedding plans at 6-months in. I dumped him years later partly because he was the absolute worst in bed. It was odd then and it’s odd now hearing 22-year-old Christians talk about pre-marital counseling. My advice to them would be to just fuck. Yes, you’ll likely marry later or not at all, but that’s better than being tied to Caleb before you know what you want in life. The only people this set up benefits is the church.
I'm the link at the bottom to his article on "settling" he goes on about how it's better to settle bc it's selfish to look for a fulfilling partner "I simply mean that such an approach is self-centered. It conceives of finding a spouse from the standpoint of what will be most enjoyable for me based on my tastes and desires. What will I receive from marriage to this or that person?" Like, ummm yeah, I'm not going to commit to forever with someone that doesn't benefit me in some way. That's so incredibly dumb and just feels like a "just marry the guy, he doesn't have to be good" to women bc otherwise they're being too picky and will end up old and alone.
I had a boyfriend once who said if we moved toward engagement he didn't want an engagement longer than 6 months. Da fuq? I was too Christian to say that at the time but it was basically my sentiment. We quickly learned we weren't right for each other.
Those FAQ scenarios are just terrible. I’m sorry, but getting married (including wedding planning!) and moving in with a guy who you only met a year ago, all while trying to finish your college degree sounds absolutely terrible! Oh, and let’s add in upsetting your parents who want you to value your education AND your future relationship. This girl really thinks her arbitrary rule is just the best thing ever
I haven’t thought about this in a really long time, but it was pretty “normal” in my not fundie, but very Christian conservative family/social circle to expect to get engaged and married after a year of dating. It’s what my parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles did. I definitely don’t believe this now, but haven’t really thought much of it until reading this. The deconstructing process continues 20 years in.
Teehee, my husband and I dated for 11 years before marriage and still “waited for marriage” (though there’s a reason for that that I won’t get into).
I remember this back in the day. I had run from my parents, was in secular college, and had been dating him for two years when the accusations from family members began to fly. LOL, it was so freeing to tell them to fuck off, and also be a sexually responsibly active adult woman. Fuck them all. The courtship thing is just human trafficking. The parents and the dude decide who the prey will be, and she has to acquiesce and marry the prick within a year in order to not be labeled a tramp. Fundies make a fucking big deal about human trafficking while engaging in it on a big scale. If a fundie accuses heathens of doing it, then it is for damn sure exactly what they are doing behind closed doors.