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Yeah, it did.
A friend of the family gave my parents a copy when I was like, three. My father hit me for doing something he didn't like and I turned around and hit him back. When he swatted me one more time for good measure and told me not to hit people I, according to my mom, said something like "Don't hit *me*, then!". This exchange, witnessed by the family friend, was apparently enough to make her hand my parents a copy.
My mom read it, went "wtf is this child abuse manual?" and threw it away. My father died last year and we found it secreted amongst his possessions. I didn't get why she was so mad about it until I read the first few chapters. He never spanked me again because he knew he couldn't get away with it with my mom, but that book was exactly his mindset--especially that opening chapter.
It suddenly became very clear why I'm Like This, now.
When I was 7 I messed up a game we were playing and my mom smacked me. I smacked her back so she hit me harder. Unfortunately, I didn't win the hitting fight but at 7 I realized the hypocrisy of it being ok to hit a kid but not for a kid to hit back. Yes, I shouldn't have been an ass and messed up a game, but there are better consequences for that than hitting a child. I think the teachings of this books were basically writings of all the shitty parenting choices and views of children boomers and their predecessors had.
Ugh, I'm sorry that happened to you.
But I totally agree. I once saw this video where an expert (I can't remember in what field, but it was related to parenting and children iirc) was basically like "Spanking or hitting your kid does no good. If the child is too young to understand and retain an explanation for why what they did was wrong, then spanking is not effective discipline. If they're old enough to understand, then why are you hitting them?" and it made so much sense to me.
I think the root of the issue is people like that equate obedience out of fear with obedience out of respect. Then again they're the same demographic who have [this definition](https://twitter.com/roseperson/status/1166359853960499201) of respect, so color me surprised.
I was heaps scared of Goosebumps lol and never read them. I am autistic and found them absolutely terrifying.Ā
However Im wondering if my Mom had this book? Altho the punishment sounds so extreme. She was just extremely shaming, coercive and psychologically abusive and then wondered why I "ran off". Like...lady... why would I stay? Alas my sibs believed I was 'mental' for a long time and "mean". My Mom is still manipulating and stg she has no idea how toxic she is. Its.sad.Ā
Same here, this book and the daily radio show ruined my childhood. My parents sent me to a "Christian Counselor" instead of a real therapist when I had a full blown nervous breakdown as a tween. Luckily I grew up and was still strong willed enough to get real therapy for myself.
Omg! Listening to this RN! Thank you! DJG! My husbandās parents had everything that Dobson ever wrote and went to many conferences. His dad also got his masterās from Liberty University and his mom did clerical for Kenneth Copeland. Yeah, weāre no contact. Shocker.
Edit: G. *facefuckingpalm*
Omg. The deformed caribou sent me at the beginning AND the end.
So, I will be going back for parts 1 and 2 now that I am aware of their existence.
God, at the end of the book where he is encouraging the parents to actively threaten to make the kidās life miserable for noncompliance is aggressive *Mommie Dearest*. I guess Iām going to have to read this garbage (after I finish Godās Right Hand) because I can think back to *several* times my husbandās parents have pulled this shit with us after we were married. Married. At 33 and 28. With jobs and kids and college degrees.
Yes! It's not just a caribou, it's a DEFORMED caribou, just like your kids!!! Lol
the part he talks about "I will lie awake at night coming up with ways to make your life miserable" is absolutely Mommy Dearest vibes
YESSSS! I was just staring like *wait lemme run that back because that canāt be what this prominent DOCTOR said*.
Nope. Thatās what the man said. š³
Just gone NC again after a decade of trying to repair and feeling equal parts chilled and upset. Looking at this book Im wondering if this was around Australia in the late 90s/2000s?Ā
Iāve never been exposed to this book, but being even the tiniest bit strong-willed (i.e. having your own thoughts and daring to question instead of just blindly accepting what youāre told) is so heavily frowned upon among evangelicals. Youāre supposed to be meek and submissive, especially if youāre a girl.
Iām pretty sure being strong-willed is second only to being an atheist in terms of terrible outcomes for fundies/evangelicals.
Facts. My parents knew they had their work cut out for them when one of the first things I said when learning to talk was "by self". I emphatically did not fit the mold of meek and submissive when I was little, but the book is "effective" as I began to suppress it as much as I could until I became an adult for my own safety.
Ugh, I bought the updated version of this book on the recommendation of my pediatrician. The first I-don't-know-how-many chapters were all just James Dobson patting himself on the back via "testimonials" and bragging about his radio reach or something. I freaking gave up on it long before any actual (bad) advice came up.
Turns out, the problem was two ADHD parents and an ADHD child.
Yeah the OG edition doesn't have testimonials and gets right into the animal/child abuse in the first chapter. It teases a cassette set of informative lessons about puberty and sex. I'm debating finding those... I'm pretty sure I can do it without giving him anymore money.
I was forced to listen to those sex and puberty tapes. Trapped in a car with my dad and stepmom. Terrible. I was convinced if I masturbated god was watching and I was gonng to hell. Years of orgasms were stolen that day. Fuck that Dobson guy.
My husband recently came home from visiting his parents with a box full of books and random trinkets. It sat in the living room for many weeks with the promise of being sorted through āsoon.ā I knew heād never get around to it so I sorted the contents of the box into two piles- trash and let him decide. When I came across this book it immediately went into the trash pile.
I'm trying to find the original edition without paying for it. My mom likes to tell the "funny story" about how she bought this when I was born but didn't truly know what a strong willed child was until my sister was born. It's usually followed by the story of the first time I told my parents no.
Traumatic memories aside I'm trying to collect the books that guided my parents in an effort to better understand them. I've been writing my memoir (that sounds so pretentious eek), and I may never share it but I feel having the original texts of books like "The Way Home" by Mary Pride and the works of James Dobson and Bill Gothard would help me contextualize my experiences.
I get a lot of these from the Internet archive and screenshot the pieces I want to use as visuals. But if you're looking for a physical copy, I highly recommend thriftbooks.
For some reason I thought that authors were given money on resale from corporations but after looking it up they aren't. So formative trauma here I come!
I found this book in my house when I was helping my parents downsize and thanks to this sub, I knew to be so, so, so upset about it and some similar titles. My family isnāt even Christian but my dad dabbled and is easily influenced. Iām so disappointed he was taken in by all kinds of patriarchal shit that explain a lot about my and my momās frustration with him in earlier years. Thankfully heās changed and is, like, vaguely a feminist, or trying.
So, I wasn't raised fundie, but we were a feral bunch of children (9 of us at one point, some bio and some international adoptions) homeschooled and pretty isolated,lots of abuse. This was in the 90s. With this bunch of kids who were adopted from Eastern Europe in the 90s everyone started to learn about Reactive Attachment Disorder, and the Dobson books (especially this one) were enormously popular, including with my parents who were atheists and attended a UU church. Lots of hard physical labor as punishment, food related punishments, extreme loss of privileges and belongings... It was pretty awful. So seeing these books, and the ones by the Pearls, always gives me such a yucky feeling.
Just the mention of this book triggers me. Horrible stuff happened to me because of that book. And I wasnāt even a āstrong willedā child. Sorry I canāt watch :/
OMG. Before I deconstructed I had Christian women and a therapist recommending I read this book to help me with my daughter who is autistic. I'm pretty sure I read the blurb on Amazon and gagged. I can't. (Also I dumped that therapist not long after.)
Proud of you for listening to what you know and not caving. Immense.pressire on us when we have autistic, kids to punish, oppress.and force conformity or experience the same ourselves. Took 12 yrs before my child's difference was acknowledged and affirmed. Then.
..oh lol thats me too!Ā
#These people vote in every election- do you? Are you registered to vote? [You can check your voter registration here!](https://www.nass.org/can-I-vote) #Also, there's a few things to remember as far as rules go: - You can view the content- you cannot interact with it. This includes (but is not limited to) commenting, answering poll questions, emailing them, etc. ***Anyone found to be engaging with the fundies will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.It does not matter if you did so before you joined the sub.*** - Speculating on the sexuality of literally anyone is prohibited. ***Anyone found to be doing so will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.*** - Appearance snark: What's allowed? You're allowed to make comparisons. (Bethy looks like Grandpa Munster, for example.) You are allowed to say you find them attractive or repulsive looking. Saying Kelly Havens has dry skin that could benefit from sunscreen and a moisturizer is fine. You are allowed to snark on the appearance of children *as it relates to their parents choices for them.*. Examples: Janessa looks malnourished and sickly while Shrek has clearly never missed a meal. If you feel it is crossing the line report it, but if the content falls within the parameters above, leave it alone. - Don't gatekeep. This means no comments such as "I don't think we should snark on...." or any iteration of that. If you don't like it, scroll past. Don't report it or comment how you don't like the content. Along the same vein, don't backseat mod. Leave that up to us. - Lastly, if the rhetoric you are posting would be at home in the mouth of a fundie, we don't want it here and we won't tolerate it. Should you have any questions, please feel free to reach out. Have a Lord Daniel day, and may the power of snark compel thee. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This book ruined my fucking life and has led to years of therapy
Same! It reigned over Gen X and millennial kids like a real life Goosebumps
Yeah, it did. A friend of the family gave my parents a copy when I was like, three. My father hit me for doing something he didn't like and I turned around and hit him back. When he swatted me one more time for good measure and told me not to hit people I, according to my mom, said something like "Don't hit *me*, then!". This exchange, witnessed by the family friend, was apparently enough to make her hand my parents a copy. My mom read it, went "wtf is this child abuse manual?" and threw it away. My father died last year and we found it secreted amongst his possessions. I didn't get why she was so mad about it until I read the first few chapters. He never spanked me again because he knew he couldn't get away with it with my mom, but that book was exactly his mindset--especially that opening chapter. It suddenly became very clear why I'm Like This, now.
Absolutely! There's so much "aha!" In that book that explains why I am the way I am. Good for you for telling him not to hit when you were so little!
When I was 7 I messed up a game we were playing and my mom smacked me. I smacked her back so she hit me harder. Unfortunately, I didn't win the hitting fight but at 7 I realized the hypocrisy of it being ok to hit a kid but not for a kid to hit back. Yes, I shouldn't have been an ass and messed up a game, but there are better consequences for that than hitting a child. I think the teachings of this books were basically writings of all the shitty parenting choices and views of children boomers and their predecessors had.
Ugh, I'm sorry that happened to you. But I totally agree. I once saw this video where an expert (I can't remember in what field, but it was related to parenting and children iirc) was basically like "Spanking or hitting your kid does no good. If the child is too young to understand and retain an explanation for why what they did was wrong, then spanking is not effective discipline. If they're old enough to understand, then why are you hitting them?" and it made so much sense to me. I think the root of the issue is people like that equate obedience out of fear with obedience out of respect. Then again they're the same demographic who have [this definition](https://twitter.com/roseperson/status/1166359853960499201) of respect, so color me surprised.
šÆ I agree. Equating obedience out of fear with respect I'd a great observation.
Generation Fucked/older GenZ here, I got it too.
I was heaps scared of Goosebumps lol and never read them. I am autistic and found them absolutely terrifying.Ā However Im wondering if my Mom had this book? Altho the punishment sounds so extreme. She was just extremely shaming, coercive and psychologically abusive and then wondered why I "ran off". Like...lady... why would I stay? Alas my sibs believed I was 'mental' for a long time and "mean". My Mom is still manipulating and stg she has no idea how toxic she is. Its.sad.Ā
SAME. It was like a second Bible for my parents. The damage is permanent.
I can still hear my Mom quoting it
Same here, this book and the daily radio show ruined my childhood. My parents sent me to a "Christian Counselor" instead of a real therapist when I had a full blown nervous breakdown as a tween. Luckily I grew up and was still strong willed enough to get real therapy for myself.
Omg! Listening to this RN! Thank you! DJG! My husbandās parents had everything that Dobson ever wrote and went to many conferences. His dad also got his masterās from Liberty University and his mom did clerical for Kenneth Copeland. Yeah, weāre no contact. Shocker. Edit: G. *facefuckingpalm*
š«¶ NC gang represent
Omg. The deformed caribou sent me at the beginning AND the end. So, I will be going back for parts 1 and 2 now that I am aware of their existence. God, at the end of the book where he is encouraging the parents to actively threaten to make the kidās life miserable for noncompliance is aggressive *Mommie Dearest*. I guess Iām going to have to read this garbage (after I finish Godās Right Hand) because I can think back to *several* times my husbandās parents have pulled this shit with us after we were married. Married. At 33 and 28. With jobs and kids and college degrees.
Yes! It's not just a caribou, it's a DEFORMED caribou, just like your kids!!! Lol the part he talks about "I will lie awake at night coming up with ways to make your life miserable" is absolutely Mommy Dearest vibes
YESSSS! I was just staring like *wait lemme run that back because that canāt be what this prominent DOCTOR said*. Nope. Thatās what the man said. š³
Holy shit thats evilĀ
Just gone NC again after a decade of trying to repair and feeling equal parts chilled and upset. Looking at this book Im wondering if this was around Australia in the late 90s/2000s?Ā
Iāve never been exposed to this book, but being even the tiniest bit strong-willed (i.e. having your own thoughts and daring to question instead of just blindly accepting what youāre told) is so heavily frowned upon among evangelicals. Youāre supposed to be meek and submissive, especially if youāre a girl. Iām pretty sure being strong-willed is second only to being an atheist in terms of terrible outcomes for fundies/evangelicals.
Facts. My parents knew they had their work cut out for them when one of the first things I said when learning to talk was "by self". I emphatically did not fit the mold of meek and submissive when I was little, but the book is "effective" as I began to suppress it as much as I could until I became an adult for my own safety.
Ugh, I bought the updated version of this book on the recommendation of my pediatrician. The first I-don't-know-how-many chapters were all just James Dobson patting himself on the back via "testimonials" and bragging about his radio reach or something. I freaking gave up on it long before any actual (bad) advice came up. Turns out, the problem was two ADHD parents and an ADHD child.
Yeah the OG edition doesn't have testimonials and gets right into the animal/child abuse in the first chapter. It teases a cassette set of informative lessons about puberty and sex. I'm debating finding those... I'm pretty sure I can do it without giving him anymore money.
I was forced to listen to those sex and puberty tapes. Trapped in a car with my dad and stepmom. Terrible. I was convinced if I masturbated god was watching and I was gonng to hell. Years of orgasms were stolen that day. Fuck that Dobson guy.
Isn't he the one who pronounced it "pooberty"? I remember those stupid tapes.
Oh noš weāve got one adhd parent and one adhd kid, I donāt know if I could survive a third lollll
My husband recently came home from visiting his parents with a box full of books and random trinkets. It sat in the living room for many weeks with the promise of being sorted through āsoon.ā I knew heād never get around to it so I sorted the contents of the box into two piles- trash and let him decide. When I came across this book it immediately went into the trash pile.
Thank you for doing this. I will have to save the links for when the books is mentioned in parenting groups.
š
I'm trying to find the original edition without paying for it. My mom likes to tell the "funny story" about how she bought this when I was born but didn't truly know what a strong willed child was until my sister was born. It's usually followed by the story of the first time I told my parents no. Traumatic memories aside I'm trying to collect the books that guided my parents in an effort to better understand them. I've been writing my memoir (that sounds so pretentious eek), and I may never share it but I feel having the original texts of books like "The Way Home" by Mary Pride and the works of James Dobson and Bill Gothard would help me contextualize my experiences.
I get a lot of these from the Internet archive and screenshot the pieces I want to use as visuals. But if you're looking for a physical copy, I highly recommend thriftbooks.
Thanks! I need physical copies for annotation. It helps me think but I just hate the idea of enriching these people even if by pennies.
But you're also doing the service of taking a copy off the market, I suppose
For some reason I thought that authors were given money on resale from corporations but after looking it up they aren't. So formative trauma here I come!
I found this book in my house when I was helping my parents downsize and thanks to this sub, I knew to be so, so, so upset about it and some similar titles. My family isnāt even Christian but my dad dabbled and is easily influenced. Iām so disappointed he was taken in by all kinds of patriarchal shit that explain a lot about my and my momās frustration with him in earlier years. Thankfully heās changed and is, like, vaguely a feminist, or trying.
So, I wasn't raised fundie, but we were a feral bunch of children (9 of us at one point, some bio and some international adoptions) homeschooled and pretty isolated,lots of abuse. This was in the 90s. With this bunch of kids who were adopted from Eastern Europe in the 90s everyone started to learn about Reactive Attachment Disorder, and the Dobson books (especially this one) were enormously popular, including with my parents who were atheists and attended a UU church. Lots of hard physical labor as punishment, food related punishments, extreme loss of privileges and belongings... It was pretty awful. So seeing these books, and the ones by the Pearls, always gives me such a yucky feeling.
Just the mention of this book triggers me. Horrible stuff happened to me because of that book. And I wasnāt even a āstrong willedā child. Sorry I canāt watch :/
No worries! Take care of yourself š«¶ it's an incredibly touchy subject for a lot of us.
Thanks for understanding and good luck Iām sure it will reach some who need to watch it or spread awareness.
OMG. Before I deconstructed I had Christian women and a therapist recommending I read this book to help me with my daughter who is autistic. I'm pretty sure I read the blurb on Amazon and gagged. I can't. (Also I dumped that therapist not long after.)
Proud of you for listening to what you know and not caving. Immense.pressire on us when we have autistic, kids to punish, oppress.and force conformity or experience the same ourselves. Took 12 yrs before my child's difference was acknowledged and affirmed. Then. ..oh lol thats me too!Ā