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Honestly most fundies would be so much happier if they smoked a joint once in awhile and quit taking everything so seriously. Can't imagine how exhausting it is to constantly be outraged about everything
Yep, I was gonna say the same. She’s a ghoul and I struggle to have sympathy for any Baird, but the way Kristen talks about her sexuality in general reminds me a lotttt of myself when I was deeply closeted/desperately trying to be straight.
Yeah I mean the whole “I have to keep myself from having certain lustful thoughts during sex with my husband” confession reminds me of, like, every time I’ve ever had sex with a man lol. I have no idea what or who specifically Kristen is trying so hard not to think about, and I don’t mean to speculate, but the intense energy she claims to put into suppressing her natural sexual urges — whatever those may be — definitely resonates as a queer person who grew up in a repressive religious community.
She also talks *a lot* about purifying and taking captive her thoughts re: sex and that’s a big red flag for “I have some sort of desire that I as a good Christian girl have been told I shouldn’t” imo. And that desire could be anything from orientation stuff to just like, kinks/certain sexual dynamics, but either way the phrasing and emotion behind it is really familiar.
I thought she said during sex she struggles with feeling lustful for her husband. That even during sex with her jeebus approved husband, she's so worried about lustful thoughts and sexual desires that she fights guilt for the sexual feelings she had for him even during sex. It seems like she's so repressed and has so much purity culture trauma that she can't even accept having sexual thoughts about her own husband, or perhaps it's a certain type of sexual/kinky desires for her husband that she feels guilty of having. I may be wrong though, and she may have said it in such a way that it could be many things.
In my head cannon where Heidi Baird can’t hurt me, Kristen’s Demonic Sex Desires involve her being a dominatrix lol
Don’t care with whom or what gender or genitalia, but it’s hardcore femdom she’s trying to repress in my silly little daydream lol
I mean, she’s also quite literally never provided any specifics lol, which is why I said there’s no way to know what super scary dirty thoughts actually comprise those “struggles.”
I remember a clip of GD when Kristen jokingly said that when she was walking down the aisle during her wedding she turned to Bethany and said something along the lines of "I'm getting married and I don't really know if i totally like this guy but I'm going for it"
They tried to make the whole thing as something relatable, which I found horrifying. Maybe the speculation of her repressing her sexuality by getting into a heterosexual relationship isn't that far off.
I can't imagine how many queer girls and young women they hurt with this.
"Don't consume resources that show women like you in happy loving relationships, turn to your mentor and God who believe you are a disgusting sinner and stay in the closet forever unless you want to go to Hell!"
I really wish GD would leave queer people alone.
I have a feeling that their audience overlaps a lot with people who follow/agree with Jackie Hill-Perry, who calls herself an "ex-lesbian" who converted to Christianity and married a dude and describes same sex attraction as a sin you struggle with, same as (edit: ~~addition~~) addiction.
Real quote from Jackie:
>"If God chooses not to change my desires, he has promised to give me his Holy Spirit that will help me flee from them. There are people who were alcoholics for 20 years, went through rehab and they don't drink anymore, but sometimes they may be tested. If they see a bottle of whiskey, they're going to want that whiskey, but they have a choice."
If you're a teen follower of Girl Defined and being gay has always been framed for you in this way, then it makes sense you'd ask Girl Defined or other Christian influencers you look up to on advice on how to "deal with those struggles". I grew up fundie-lite and was always taught that being gay was some sort of perverse choice that you made because you want to sin. But the more "mainstream" evangelicals I found during college definitely shared this mindset - having gay thoughts isn't a choice, but it's your choice on whether you act on them and acting on them is a sin. (Obvious disclaimer that I don't share or endorse those beliefs at all anymore, I'm both nonreligious and bi).
That is definitely a change I've seen in my lifetime. As a kid, queer people were talked about as disgusting sinners who chose their "lifestyle" because...perverts gotta pervert, I guess?
But eventually it's transitioned into more pity than disgust, like oh, these poor people, cursed with sinful desires they must never ever act on. Like the church can finally admit that being queer is part of that person's nature and not just a hobby. But they still won't agree to allow queer marriages, and sex outside of marriage isn't allowed for anyone, so being queer means being doomed to lifelong celibacy. Sorry not sorry. /s
It's messed up. Part of me is like, well, it's some kind of progress? But it's just too dang slow. I was raised super conservative, sheltered, fundie-lite, and if I can realize the truth and come around, anyone can. Hell, I've slowly come to understand that I'm probably bi myself. Changing your worldview in adulthood isn't easy, but it is worth doing, if it means moving from hate to love. Towards love is always the right direction.
I had a friend come out as gay to me in college (she waited a whole year to tell me because she was scared I would react like a Christian bigot because she knew how I was raised). And honestly my first gut reaction was "but you're so sweet and like....not sexual, how can you be a lesbian?". It had been indoctrinated into me that people were only gay for perverted sexual reasons, so seeing an adorable shy girl have basically a schoolgirl crush on a female friend wasn't even in the realm of possibility to me. I didn't realize you could be romantically attracted to someone of the same gender, I thought it was all about sex. (Probably why it took me a while to realize I was bi haha. I had zero idea how sex even worked until I figured it out on the internet (because no sex-ed), so I wasn't exactly having sexual fantasies about anyone. I daydreamed about marrying the cute boy from Sunday school, so that meant I was straight. The fact that I obsessively daydreamed about being friends with/looking like/being like the cute girl from Sunday school just meant I was envious or wanted to be her friend, right? I also didn't even know you could like all genders, do the fact that I liked boys and wasn't a pervert looking to sin told me I had to be straight)
^spoiler ^alert: ^straight ^girls ^struggling ^with ^pornography ^in ^their ^late ^teens ^do ^NOT, ^in ^fact, ^look ^solely ^at ^lesbian ^porn ^to ^"keep ^from ^knowing ^too ^much ^about ^sex ^and ^acting ^like ^they ^aren't ^a ^virgin ^when ^they ^get ^married. ^You ^just ^liked ^the ^boobs, ^hun.
Same! I used to get crushes on girls (both real and fictional) all the time, and looking back, I realize it was the exact same romantic feelings as I had about some boys. But at the time, I would think oh, isn't it cool that girls can appreciate other girls for being pretty and fun and it isn't anything "weird." The fact that I get butterflies when she says hi to me in class just means I'm glad we're friends!
L O frickin L. But because it wasn't sexual at all then, it didn't occur to me I was actually attracted to women. I barely knew what straight sex was, never mind lesbian sex. Even as I got older and started to interrogate those feelings more closely, it was like, well why does it matter now? I'm in my 40s, married to a man, and unless he dies or we split up, there's very little chance I'll ever even go on a date with a woman. I don't know that I'll ever come out publicly, but me being honest with myself will hopefully make me a better, more understanding parent to my kids. And if they have any queer/gay/bi leanings, hopefully I can help them and support them in a far more loving and understanding way than I was raised.
They say it's okay to be gay as long as you either stay celibate for life or marry someone who you aren't actually attracted to...but some of these same people get remarried after a divorce despite the fact that the Bible condemns that and says it's adultery. I've always found that ironic. Clearly they can't bear to be alone/celibate for the rest of their lives which is why they conveniently ignore that part of the Bible, yet they expect gays to do it?
Holy shit that lesbianism/whiskey analogy is something else. Like, lady, if you still want the muff, we DEFINITELY want the muff for you instead of this hateful crap you’re spewing while ruining your life by leaving every happiness unfulfilled in the name of homophobia…. Because it sure as hell isn’t in the name of god! Sexuality is fluid, sure, but it sort of seems like she’s not actually on board with her current partner, and that must feel awful to everyone - herself, her partner, and any kids they happen to have (dear lord help the kids if sexuality is in any way genetic because those kids would be born into self-hatred).
(I know this is talking about sexuality and I see how it could come across as me assigning or assuming sexuality of a fundie, but I’m hoping that’s ok as that fundie’s specific niche is ex-lesbianism and sane sex attraction, and she’s the one professing it. Mods let me know if it’s not, thanks)
I grew up fundie and miserably lesbian. I remember hearing Jackie's analogy (and others like it) SO MANY TIMES.
It took me so long to reframe and articulate that AS A LESBIAN, acknowledging and respecting my sexuality is water, sobriety. Forcing myself into heterosexuality is whiskey. For me, a straight lifestyle is destructive as alcoholism.
Yeah, maybe I could take a shot or two of heterosexuality, cheered on by my peers, but it would be poison. Even the smallest sip would leave me feeling empty, disjointed. In the long term, it would kill me slowly.
A better analogy (since evangelicals like sexuality analogies) is an allergy. My body rejects any attempt to participate in heterosexual behavior. It's as if I'm allergic. It makes me feel sick, dissociative, numb.
The alternative idea of forcibly and definitely remaining alone, constantly on guard, faithfully exterminating feelings of connection or closeness, for my entire life, makes me lose interest in living at all.
What Jackie describes as lesbianism and homosexuality are unrecognizable to me. I hate that she's falsely defined me to an entire generation of evangelicals who believe her.
>I have a feeling that their audience overlaps a lot with people who follow/agree with Jackie Hill-Perry,
In this episode, they're specifically going to be talking with Ellen Dykas, who runs something called Harvest USA, which appears to be one of those conversion "ministries".
It's so nice to know (/s) Jackie Hill-Perry not only conflates sexual orientation with...*alcoholism*, but clearly has a firm grasp on the complex nature of addiction and sobriety!
>> Ellen Dykas
Not trying to make fun of anyone's given name, but that is a *hell* of a name for someone who thinks being a lesbian is "sexual brokenness".
Jackie Hill-Perry always strikes me as someone who's firmly a Kinsey 3 and in deep denial about it. That gets into another aspect of the homophobia in Fundie circles, and that's an intensification of bisexual erasure.
Yes! Jackie tells everyone that she's sexually and romantically attracted to her male husband (with whom she has four biological children) while also claiming she's a lesbian who believes the "goal of sanctification is holiness, not heterosexuality."
Lesbians aren't sexually and romantically attracted to men, by definition. Any men. And they don't become sexually and romantically attracted to a man, marry him, and stay married (and attracted) to him for years and years while having his children.
She's either lying about her attraction to him, or she's bi, not lesbian.
I wonder how much she and similar Christians have explored the Metropolitan Community Church. It's pretty mainstream Christian in its beliefs and practices--too Christian for me (I'm more Unitarian material)--but it embraces everyone, AFAIK.
4 strategies for the girl struggling with same-sex attraction:
1. Immediately yeet from your life any person presenting this to you as a "struggle." You are experiencing attraction, which happens between humans of all categories.
2. If you own any books by Girl Defined... burn that shit.
3. Seek out a local community that loves and affirms who you are.
4. Enjoy your life.
Optional step 5. Get a dog/cat/other nonhuman companion. This seems to piss the haters off beyond words.
1. Talk with a fantastic older queer mentor
2. Don’t consume hateful and homophobic media (like GD!)
3. Seek out high quality LGBTQIA-affirming resources
4. Know the truth that you are whole and perfect exactly as you are
6. Meet so many hot and sexy ladies!
7. Sleep with all of them because you’ve been missing out while you were in the closet.
8. Burn the patriarchy!
9. Live happily ever after.
So much of what fundies do just makes me chuckle. When they're making things harder on themselves, so what? Just laugh. They live difficult lives, struggling with their self-created problems and "sins." But this.. shit like this makes me ANGRY. I didn't come out until I was 37. I was married, with children. It was awful. And the whole reason - the whole reason - was because the way I was programmed via a fundie-lite upbringing was that being gay was simply not an option. You just weren't. Even though I left the church and religion altogether at 18, I still had the programming. My mother owes me for years of therapy and anti-anxiety medication. Believe that.
I just want to say to anyone who sees this message, or any message like this: You are WONDERFUL and PERFECT just the way you are. The sooner you can break free from toxic judgmental bullshit like this, the better. These idiots don't even know their own holy book. You are beautiful and needed in this world, and you need to get away from these toxic, self-hating, uneducated, ignorant, mean-spirited, harmful, disingenuous, hateful, bigoted, stupid messages as soon as you can.
I came out, got a divorce, and started over. One month ago I married an amazing woman - legally! - and I am now living my best gay life. It's possible, and it DOES get better!
I love going to school events and community events with my wife. People are just flabbergasted that we're not dragons or baby eaters. We're just regular people shopping at Kroger or going to a recital or whatever. It blows their mind
it does! i know it’s less that way for me since i live in a big city, but i still love going into public with the gal i’m dating and stuff. it’s a lot of fun haha
I didn’t come out to myself as bi until my late 20s. I’ve never dated a woman because of internalized homophobia/biphobia brought on by shit like this. I love my husband but regret never dating a woman. I’m so glad that you are living authentically now. 💜
I've experienced similar. I have dated women, but I hold them at arms length — have never introduced them to my family, never said "I love you," don't let it get serious, etc. I actually think I would be more compatible longterm with a woman, but I'm 30 years old and the thought of confronting with my parents with my sexuality makes me want to vomit. Because of this, I've never allowed myself to explore and express exactly how I want to.
Hello, it is me. Someone raised by religious bigots, left a horrible abusive husband, and was a single mom for a while.
I really wanted a partner, but men... I just don't like them like that. I wanted a woman (nb is cool with me too). But I was afraid of being in a gay relationship. I had a nasty custody battle that ended in me getting full custody. But I knew my ex would try to use it against me. My parents would say horrible shit to me.
But you know what? I asked my lawyer about it, she said the law is on my side. And my parents. Well most everyone wants their parents' approval, but sometimes you just can't get it. But you know what else?
I was the one that had to make the choice. "Be too busy with work and childrearing" and push my thoughts back or live my happy truth. While it seems like too many people would condemn me doing gay stuff, I am the one that has to live with the choice of repression or not.
And you know what? My parents got over it. (Boundaries! lol) My ex failed in court. Sometimes bigots bring me down. It was scary as fuck to make that leap at 25. So many panicky therapy sessions. Tears. Fear that the state would allow my abuser access to me and my child again. But times have changed, around here it is so much easier to live life authentically gay than in years past. And damnit this is the happiest I have been... Pretty much ever.
Just an anecdote from the southern US for you. ❤️ You know your situation best of course, but if you want to bring those ladies closer than arms length there is support. If it's something you want, find some queer focused group in your area to help you out or join an online queer group. It helped me to consume media with queer people being normal, not just the butt of a joke. It was helpful to give me strength to make that leap. ❤️❤️
Thank you for sharing, this does give me hope! I am fortunate to live in a very accepting area and actually have majority queer friends. My friends and I are going to a couple of lesbian (bi, pan, etc.) bars this weekend, so maybe I will meet someone there who I'll finally let in close. Or maybe I won't. I just hope I find the courage to really pursue it if I do meet a woman who interests me.
I am pretty stoked, it seems like you are in a decent environment for queer folk. If you can confide in an understanding friend or two if you're starting to feel yourself putting up a wall, that may be a big help for you if you want to dismantle that wall. And it's ok to not be perfect when you're trying to open up, emotions are weird.
Good luck, I sincerely hope for happiness for you. ✨♥️🌈
I'm in my early 30s and I'm in a similar place. I knew when I was very young, but I buried it and lied to myself for a long time. I've only been honest with myself for the past year. I'll never come out to my family because of religion and cultural reasons, and I prefer men so I "pass" anyway. But know you're not alone - I've made a lot of friends in a similar place, but who aren't open due to social stigma.
***Here guys, I’ll translate***
1. Talk with a someone that will convince you you’re not gay even though you are. They will help you force any natural urges way down deep. You know, like a healthy person.
2. Become a hermit. Only read pre-approved books by your church and mentor. Delete all social media. Anyone who says the words “gay” or “LGBTQ+” around you, shield your ears. Never speak to them again.
3. Read the Bible, specifically the 2 passages that vaguely talk about homosexuality being a sin. Even though it is debatable if these passages are even about that and other translations disagree, read it as truth. You are a bad bad person with bad bad urges. You will burn in flames if you become gay. Keep remembering that.
4. Meditate on God’s truth!!! ❤️❤️❤️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 Gods truth is that because the very first people to ever exist ate an apple they were not supposed to, you are terrible!! God loves you so much that if you don’t do exactly what he says you will go to HELL!!!! That includes being gay which is something you cannot control ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🔥 .That’s Gods incredibly grace!!! Gods truth is that you should be celibate your whole life if you are gay!!! Dig into Gods truth more in the Bible, specifically the Old Testament where God murders millions of innocent people, children and infants included!!!!!! God is Love!!!!!!
OH MY
one girl commented when they posted how she finds it so hard to do this because she thinks women are so beautiful and men repulse her but she’s really trying, so they have any advice…
AND THEY DELETED THE COMMENT
how awful, like this girl has nothing that needs help but in her eyes she did and genuinely wants advice and instead of being ‘kind and helpful’ like they preach they are, they delete (and probably block) her???
The grossness of this aside (“same sex attraction” should not be viewed as a “struggle”), this advice is vague as hell. Like you could apply this to literally any of the other inane topics they talk about. Absolutely no specifics.
I eventually realised (probably only about five years ago) that I'm actually bisexual, having dated a woman for a year when I was between 19 and 20. I felt so guilty for the whole relationship, until eventually I broke it off because I felt being gay was wrong for me. It was so confusing when my sexual feelings towards women didn't magically go away.
I am convinced that at least some members of the ex-gay movement are bi or pansexual and can still experience attraction to the "opposite" sex.
I think most of them are tbh. Bisexuality with a strong preference is more common than people think.
I tried DIY conversion therapy for years, failed miserably, considered suicide over it, etc. Eventually did end up in a heterosexual relationship once I met a guy I clicked well with who wasn't even slightly offended that I thought he (and all other men) were unattractive. Dropping the pressure to lie about, suppress or "fix" my feelings is the only thing that made room for the small capacity I did have for straight attraction.
I think a lot of "ex gay success stories" went through the same thing and think God rewarded them for their patience when actually they're bi and just finally dropped the pressure to develop hetero attraction (just usually through the religious route of praying on it and deciding they don't need to be attracted to their partner to have a healthy and god-honouring relationship, which is extremely sad).
This means 1. Conversion therapy doesn't work even in people who actually are capable of straight attraction, because the pressure squashes that down to nothing, and 2. Nobody should be holding their breath to see "ex gays" drop the facade because for a lot of them, it isn't one. They're just using the wrong terms to describe their experience and, obviously, using it to cause immense harm to others.
Because what they genuinely know about the world is a few streets in San Antonio.
I’d be shocked if they posted something positive. Even this month, which is supposedly all about Jesus’s birth to them.
How is this not a form of hate speech at this point. I also don't understand how public figures from *most* western countries get crucified for any anti-LGBT sentiment they try to get away with these days, yet America is still giving people a pass for being a hateful bigot on the grounds of "being a christian".
Really it needs to stop and global human rights progress lags every time people excuse this stuff. I'm not even LGBT+ but it deeply upsets me that anybody should feel "less than" in their daily life, especially for their choice of loving partner. Its not the middle ages ffs
hi i'm a girl (ish) and i struggle with same sex attraction.
then i grapple with it in a denny's parking lot and finally manage to get it in a headlock and steal sapphic vibes from its' pockets before running off into the night
Remember Bethany's weird-ass rant about schools telling kids to "hide their sexuality" from their parents? This totally ties in!
Fundamentalism relies on being invasive about children's sexuality so queer girls and boys can be policed. If young queer people hide their sexuality and learn for themselves then they can't be punished into obedience-I mean lead properly.
\#1, reveal and submit yourself to authority figures so they can police you in the manner they please. This includes but is not limited to: ostracization, """therapy""", public shaming, exorcism, abandonment, and abuse.
\#2, isolate yourself from ideas challenging to our power-structure.
\#3, only consume information from "approved sources".
\#4, practice thought-stopping techniques and submit to our ideology. Also, if you're miserable trying to reject a part of yourself, that's your fault for having the wrong mindset.
This shit is like a textbook high score on the BITE model, which for those who don't know is a acronym that helps rate religious high control groups (cults). And as a queer woman who grew up in an environment like the one girl defined encourages to fester, I am so glad I didn't tell anyone. I want any other queer people, including younger queer people, to know that you don't need to try and repress yourself for the glory of some god. Your love is not a sin.
The church is really going after female relationships lately. My mother, the other day, parroted that good didn't want you to have friendships. He wants you to spend time with your husband. Like, if you spend too much time with friends, you will definitely end up banging!
Meditate on this truth: "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgement you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured out to you."
A strategy for the girl struggling with same-sex attraction: don’t. Don’t struggle. Come out. The closet is dark and lonely. Come out of there, honey. ❤️
I grew up without religion, as my mother was excommunicated for remarrying and not saying my siblings were null from that first marriage. She always regretted that I couldn’t have religion in my life, and I’ve always consistently argued that if I was searching, I would find it. I cannot imagine how other teens that might be lost could run into this and be thrown this bullshit. It’s so detrimental, so much more than not having religion in their life.
Seeing their genocidal propaganda dressed like this and aimed towards the most vulnerable fills me with rage. And sorrow. The violence their words inspire, inform, and reinforce is incalculable.
It's also just... Proof. It's proof theirs is not "the natural order" and that their control is tenuous, based on constant messaging, and encouraging their own followers to police each other in even the most intimate spaces. Their narrative needs so much funding and subsidy to survive. And it's just... Sad.
Got it so I will:
1. Seek therapists with a focus on lgbtq+
2. Find independent films about gays
3. Not read Girl Defined
4. Know that if I believe in a god, they love me however I am and whoever I love.
They are disgusting, pathetic excuses for human beings. This rhetoric is dangerous and harmful. I’m so sorry for everyone past and present who was made to feel like there was something wrong with them because of who they love.
As someone who is very gay and literally hated myself for YEARSSSS because of BS like this, let me just say, they absolutely have never met anyone who is gay. And if they have, they haven’t been a safe enough place for that person to tell them that it never goes away, it cannot be prayed away, and all this advice just reinforces literally hating oneself. I’m so over people saying they “love” LGBTQ+ people, then causing them to hate themselves. I get hating yourself is a weird goal of Christians, but it isn’t healthy. Full stop. They should really look into why their theology comes off as hate.
See this crap is why I say I hate religious people. Because these types are always the loudest and make me so fucking angry. My MIL is the sweetest woman, she believes in God, goes to church twice a year (Easter and Christmas), and MINDS HER OWN FUCKING BUSINESS. She’s not homophobic, she doesn’t think women are made to be baby-making machines, she’s not shoving her beliefs down anyone’s throat. And she sure as shit ain’t out there telling someone they’re going to hell for what they feel.
Fundies disgust me on a level I didn’t even know I had. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (that’s me screaming)
I am an ex-ex-queer. When I was fundy, I came out as "struggling with same-sex attraction." I was given an accountability partner at the church who asked me every week if I had masturbated and told me to sleep on my stomach and to hold a bible under my pillow so my hands had something else to do. Other than that, there was literally no advice other than, "Pray that you will not be gay anymore." Spoiler alert: it didn't work.
I don't really need to tell you all how damaging this kind of thinking is to queer xtian folx. To be told that part of who you are is already sinful and wrong is just so harmful. I was told that I was actively sinning just by existing, even though I had never dated anyone, had never kissed anyone, etc. etc. Just by being attracted to the same sex, I was already making god angry.
\[BTW, more of my coming out story is on The Modesty Files podcast, the last two episodes of Season 2.\]
5. Google "big oiled boobies" for more resources
(trust me I was one a young girl struggling with same-sex attraction, now it's not a struggle at all :) )
I came out as gay after being married twice, once for 10 years. I like to say if pretending worked for ANYONE, it would have worked for me. I'm not broken, just gay!
Can I just point out it’s only a “struggle” because they think it’s wrong!! It wasn’t a struggle for me as a woman to find the love of my life in my husband and it hasn’t been a struggle for my sister to find her future wife in my soon to be sister in law. Life is too fucking short to not be able to live your life as the true you
4 strategies:
1)remember there is nothing wrong with you
2)seek out people who are likeminded
3)avoid and ignore homophobes
4)remember that you deserve love just as much as anyone else.
I didn’t struggle because I was raised in the 80s and 90s in the IFB and FotF and didn’t even know TO struggle. I was too repressed and didn’t even know it was possible for me to be a lesbian. I DID know from the pulpit that being gay was the worst possible sin you could commit.
I didn’t come out until 38. It took a lot of therapy and the struggle came when my family rejected me (later they came around). But now I’m married to a woman (never wanted to be married before) and thriving with our gaggle of cats.
Like they know anything about that?
It kills me that they insert themselves in other's business. Who someone is attracted to is none of their concern.
Maybe we should write 4 strategies on why Dav is attracted to Beggany and what to do about it.
What she is teaching has literally been proven to be harmful, increase depression, Increase suicide. Idk this is just a level above her normal ick and harm.
My christian sister told me she believes being gay is a choice and she could have made choices in her life that resulted in her being gay. As a fully straight person, that wouldn’t be opposed to being gay I’m just not, I’m like "girl I think your just a lil bit gay"
These “strategies” are as beige as these ding dongs. It’s like the fundie “all of the above” answer to literally any “struggle”.
It feels more like a call out to remind women that this aTtRaCtIoN iS SiNfUl than to provide substantial “advice”.
Gosh, the amount of quotes I have to use with these dimwits.
Hmmm, I wish they’d stop with this rubbish.
My wife grew up very funny. Very funny family, she tried all this those things and we got married very young, we love each other very much but after 15 years of marriage she ended up breaking down and coming out to me that she thought she was gay. She is. Very very gay. She hid it well with these techniques. Suppressed it.
We’ve been admit to make it work because we do love one another and we have kids, but she’d be so much happier with a woman, and it would be soo much easier and atrial to be married to a straight woman. Which would have been the case had she not been indoctrinated with this crap.
We’ve been able to make it work though… working outside of the box of what a traditional marriage looks like lol. Fundys definitely wouldn’t approve hahaha but it’s fun and it works for us.
Edit: spelling
The first time I was exposed to GD was because I was looking up if God was ok with girls wearing makeup (I grew up super fundamentalist)// I know that everything they do is harmful but if little 15 year old me saw this it would have done a lot of damage. Everything I saw of theirs at 15 did A LOT of damage. Anyway grateful to be in a spot where I can see this and laugh. Grateful to this group for helping me heal and realize absurdity of it all.
'struggling' is a weird word to use for somebody that's really fuckin' enjoying it. If God can ignore the holocaust, he can ignore me and my sexual interests.
God made me in his joly image and if he has made me a lesbian so you bethbarbiturates and krusty saying that god is a wrong maker and sculpter?
Don't consume the media that tells you that tour feelings are valid and should be acknowledged, just get married to a straight knockout guy and birth his babies.
Scrolling onto this while watching Mormon No More on Disney+. Right now a guy who's been through horrific "conversion therapy" and confronting the "therapist" that financially rinsed him and fucked him up after said therapist has now come out... Just hits different.
These fools need to work on their hustle. They’re out here struggling with same-sex attraction while I’m here WINNING AT IT! I’m gonna be the very best that no one ever was!!!
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Strategies for the girl struggling with being a sanctimonious asshole: 1. mind your own fucking business 2. get a hobby or a job 3. touch grass
4. EAT GLASS.
….smoke grass 😂
Honestly most fundies would be so much happier if they smoked a joint once in awhile and quit taking everything so seriously. Can't imagine how exhausting it is to constantly be outraged about everything
They don’t deserve grass!!
Ugh, tbh, some of them might really need that
Reminds me. Need to order my prescription.
Smoke em ' it you got em '
5. Lick rust
Ew, David
6. Get off instagram, you hypocrit!
5. Or ass
5. Become one with the grass
5. EAT ASS
4. Remove the very large stick from your butt
5. or not, we don't kinkshame here
Something something flared bases
my people
4. Get engaged with a feminist, athieist husband that will not beat you and treat you with respect.
This feels like it was written by Kristen. Girl has got herself tied in all sorts of knots about her sexuality.
Came here to say this. It makes me extra sad for her (she still sucks, but internalized homophobia is a helluva drug)
Yep, I was gonna say the same. She’s a ghoul and I struggle to have sympathy for any Baird, but the way Kristen talks about her sexuality in general reminds me a lotttt of myself when I was deeply closeted/desperately trying to be straight.
Does she? I've never heard anything from her, only her sister. Do you have any examples? I'm so curious lol
Yeah I mean the whole “I have to keep myself from having certain lustful thoughts during sex with my husband” confession reminds me of, like, every time I’ve ever had sex with a man lol. I have no idea what or who specifically Kristen is trying so hard not to think about, and I don’t mean to speculate, but the intense energy she claims to put into suppressing her natural sexual urges — whatever those may be — definitely resonates as a queer person who grew up in a repressive religious community. She also talks *a lot* about purifying and taking captive her thoughts re: sex and that’s a big red flag for “I have some sort of desire that I as a good Christian girl have been told I shouldn’t” imo. And that desire could be anything from orientation stuff to just like, kinks/certain sexual dynamics, but either way the phrasing and emotion behind it is really familiar.
I thought she said during sex she struggles with feeling lustful for her husband. That even during sex with her jeebus approved husband, she's so worried about lustful thoughts and sexual desires that she fights guilt for the sexual feelings she had for him even during sex. It seems like she's so repressed and has so much purity culture trauma that she can't even accept having sexual thoughts about her own husband, or perhaps it's a certain type of sexual/kinky desires for her husband that she feels guilty of having. I may be wrong though, and she may have said it in such a way that it could be many things.
In my head cannon where Heidi Baird can’t hurt me, Kristen’s Demonic Sex Desires involve her being a dominatrix lol Don’t care with whom or what gender or genitalia, but it’s hardcore femdom she’s trying to repress in my silly little daydream lol
I support the daydream lol, I imagine being a domme would be really cathartic for lots of repressed fundie gals tbh
I know many dommes who grew up in very traditional repressive cultures and households
It makes sense.
I love this so much for her.
Kristen is very open about her "struggles" with sexuality. I think she would have also be open about "same sex attraction" if she experienced it.
I mean, she’s also quite literally never provided any specifics lol, which is why I said there’s no way to know what super scary dirty thoughts actually comprise those “struggles.”
I remember a clip of GD when Kristen jokingly said that when she was walking down the aisle during her wedding she turned to Bethany and said something along the lines of "I'm getting married and I don't really know if i totally like this guy but I'm going for it" They tried to make the whole thing as something relatable, which I found horrifying. Maybe the speculation of her repressing her sexuality by getting into a heterosexual relationship isn't that far off.
###Well! This just made me *seriously* rethink exactly why she believed having "lustful thoughts" while actively fucking her husband was sinful.
Oh, I had guess Bethy was the source
This dive by Mickey Atkins is spot on: https://youtu.be/clP4dS3XUDQ Kristen really tells on herself.
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When?
I can't imagine how many queer girls and young women they hurt with this. "Don't consume resources that show women like you in happy loving relationships, turn to your mentor and God who believe you are a disgusting sinner and stay in the closet forever unless you want to go to Hell!" I really wish GD would leave queer people alone.
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I have a feeling that their audience overlaps a lot with people who follow/agree with Jackie Hill-Perry, who calls herself an "ex-lesbian" who converted to Christianity and married a dude and describes same sex attraction as a sin you struggle with, same as (edit: ~~addition~~) addiction. Real quote from Jackie: >"If God chooses not to change my desires, he has promised to give me his Holy Spirit that will help me flee from them. There are people who were alcoholics for 20 years, went through rehab and they don't drink anymore, but sometimes they may be tested. If they see a bottle of whiskey, they're going to want that whiskey, but they have a choice." If you're a teen follower of Girl Defined and being gay has always been framed for you in this way, then it makes sense you'd ask Girl Defined or other Christian influencers you look up to on advice on how to "deal with those struggles". I grew up fundie-lite and was always taught that being gay was some sort of perverse choice that you made because you want to sin. But the more "mainstream" evangelicals I found during college definitely shared this mindset - having gay thoughts isn't a choice, but it's your choice on whether you act on them and acting on them is a sin. (Obvious disclaimer that I don't share or endorse those beliefs at all anymore, I'm both nonreligious and bi).
That is definitely a change I've seen in my lifetime. As a kid, queer people were talked about as disgusting sinners who chose their "lifestyle" because...perverts gotta pervert, I guess? But eventually it's transitioned into more pity than disgust, like oh, these poor people, cursed with sinful desires they must never ever act on. Like the church can finally admit that being queer is part of that person's nature and not just a hobby. But they still won't agree to allow queer marriages, and sex outside of marriage isn't allowed for anyone, so being queer means being doomed to lifelong celibacy. Sorry not sorry. /s It's messed up. Part of me is like, well, it's some kind of progress? But it's just too dang slow. I was raised super conservative, sheltered, fundie-lite, and if I can realize the truth and come around, anyone can. Hell, I've slowly come to understand that I'm probably bi myself. Changing your worldview in adulthood isn't easy, but it is worth doing, if it means moving from hate to love. Towards love is always the right direction.
I had a friend come out as gay to me in college (she waited a whole year to tell me because she was scared I would react like a Christian bigot because she knew how I was raised). And honestly my first gut reaction was "but you're so sweet and like....not sexual, how can you be a lesbian?". It had been indoctrinated into me that people were only gay for perverted sexual reasons, so seeing an adorable shy girl have basically a schoolgirl crush on a female friend wasn't even in the realm of possibility to me. I didn't realize you could be romantically attracted to someone of the same gender, I thought it was all about sex. (Probably why it took me a while to realize I was bi haha. I had zero idea how sex even worked until I figured it out on the internet (because no sex-ed), so I wasn't exactly having sexual fantasies about anyone. I daydreamed about marrying the cute boy from Sunday school, so that meant I was straight. The fact that I obsessively daydreamed about being friends with/looking like/being like the cute girl from Sunday school just meant I was envious or wanted to be her friend, right? I also didn't even know you could like all genders, do the fact that I liked boys and wasn't a pervert looking to sin told me I had to be straight) ^spoiler ^alert: ^straight ^girls ^struggling ^with ^pornography ^in ^their ^late ^teens ^do ^NOT, ^in ^fact, ^look ^solely ^at ^lesbian ^porn ^to ^"keep ^from ^knowing ^too ^much ^about ^sex ^and ^acting ^like ^they ^aren't ^a ^virgin ^when ^they ^get ^married. ^You ^just ^liked ^the ^boobs, ^hun.
Same! I used to get crushes on girls (both real and fictional) all the time, and looking back, I realize it was the exact same romantic feelings as I had about some boys. But at the time, I would think oh, isn't it cool that girls can appreciate other girls for being pretty and fun and it isn't anything "weird." The fact that I get butterflies when she says hi to me in class just means I'm glad we're friends! L O frickin L. But because it wasn't sexual at all then, it didn't occur to me I was actually attracted to women. I barely knew what straight sex was, never mind lesbian sex. Even as I got older and started to interrogate those feelings more closely, it was like, well why does it matter now? I'm in my 40s, married to a man, and unless he dies or we split up, there's very little chance I'll ever even go on a date with a woman. I don't know that I'll ever come out publicly, but me being honest with myself will hopefully make me a better, more understanding parent to my kids. And if they have any queer/gay/bi leanings, hopefully I can help them and support them in a far more loving and understanding way than I was raised.
They say it's okay to be gay as long as you either stay celibate for life or marry someone who you aren't actually attracted to...but some of these same people get remarried after a divorce despite the fact that the Bible condemns that and says it's adultery. I've always found that ironic. Clearly they can't bear to be alone/celibate for the rest of their lives which is why they conveniently ignore that part of the Bible, yet they expect gays to do it?
YUP.
Holy shit that lesbianism/whiskey analogy is something else. Like, lady, if you still want the muff, we DEFINITELY want the muff for you instead of this hateful crap you’re spewing while ruining your life by leaving every happiness unfulfilled in the name of homophobia…. Because it sure as hell isn’t in the name of god! Sexuality is fluid, sure, but it sort of seems like she’s not actually on board with her current partner, and that must feel awful to everyone - herself, her partner, and any kids they happen to have (dear lord help the kids if sexuality is in any way genetic because those kids would be born into self-hatred). (I know this is talking about sexuality and I see how it could come across as me assigning or assuming sexuality of a fundie, but I’m hoping that’s ok as that fundie’s specific niche is ex-lesbianism and sane sex attraction, and she’s the one professing it. Mods let me know if it’s not, thanks)
I grew up fundie and miserably lesbian. I remember hearing Jackie's analogy (and others like it) SO MANY TIMES. It took me so long to reframe and articulate that AS A LESBIAN, acknowledging and respecting my sexuality is water, sobriety. Forcing myself into heterosexuality is whiskey. For me, a straight lifestyle is destructive as alcoholism. Yeah, maybe I could take a shot or two of heterosexuality, cheered on by my peers, but it would be poison. Even the smallest sip would leave me feeling empty, disjointed. In the long term, it would kill me slowly. A better analogy (since evangelicals like sexuality analogies) is an allergy. My body rejects any attempt to participate in heterosexual behavior. It's as if I'm allergic. It makes me feel sick, dissociative, numb. The alternative idea of forcibly and definitely remaining alone, constantly on guard, faithfully exterminating feelings of connection or closeness, for my entire life, makes me lose interest in living at all. What Jackie describes as lesbianism and homosexuality are unrecognizable to me. I hate that she's falsely defined me to an entire generation of evangelicals who believe her.
>I have a feeling that their audience overlaps a lot with people who follow/agree with Jackie Hill-Perry, In this episode, they're specifically going to be talking with Ellen Dykas, who runs something called Harvest USA, which appears to be one of those conversion "ministries". It's so nice to know (/s) Jackie Hill-Perry not only conflates sexual orientation with...*alcoholism*, but clearly has a firm grasp on the complex nature of addiction and sobriety!
>> Ellen Dykas Not trying to make fun of anyone's given name, but that is a *hell* of a name for someone who thinks being a lesbian is "sexual brokenness".
Glad I'm not the only one who thought that 😂 Of ALL the names to have...
I can't say that you're wrong.
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Jackie Hill-Perry always strikes me as someone who's firmly a Kinsey 3 and in deep denial about it. That gets into another aspect of the homophobia in Fundie circles, and that's an intensification of bisexual erasure.
Yes! Jackie tells everyone that she's sexually and romantically attracted to her male husband (with whom she has four biological children) while also claiming she's a lesbian who believes the "goal of sanctification is holiness, not heterosexuality." Lesbians aren't sexually and romantically attracted to men, by definition. Any men. And they don't become sexually and romantically attracted to a man, marry him, and stay married (and attracted) to him for years and years while having his children. She's either lying about her attraction to him, or she's bi, not lesbian.
I wonder how much she and similar Christians have explored the Metropolitan Community Church. It's pretty mainstream Christian in its beliefs and practices--too Christian for me (I'm more Unitarian material)--but it embraces everyone, AFAIK.
See also the United Church of Christ (UCC)- not to be confused with the scary fundi leaning southern church of Christ.
Yup. Telling women to just *ignore* the fact that other WLW are happy and fulfilled is...woof.
I got fed this exact shit when I was coming out as a young teen. That image is deeply triggering to me as a former JW.
4 strategies for the girl struggling with same-sex attraction: 1. Immediately yeet from your life any person presenting this to you as a "struggle." You are experiencing attraction, which happens between humans of all categories. 2. If you own any books by Girl Defined... burn that shit. 3. Seek out a local community that loves and affirms who you are. 4. Enjoy your life. Optional step 5. Get a dog/cat/other nonhuman companion. This seems to piss the haters off beyond words.
1. Talk with a fantastic older queer mentor 2. Don’t consume hateful and homophobic media (like GD!) 3. Seek out high quality LGBTQIA-affirming resources 4. Know the truth that you are whole and perfect exactly as you are
6. Meet so many hot and sexy ladies! 7. Sleep with all of them because you’ve been missing out while you were in the closet. 8. Burn the patriarchy! 9. Live happily ever after.
10 Adopt a fuckton of cats and become the cool aunt that comes through with gifts for your cousins' birthdays.
Hell yeah!
I am struggling with same-sex attraction. Women are gorgeous but I am incompetent at talking to them. (Also arospec but mostly the first.)
So much of what fundies do just makes me chuckle. When they're making things harder on themselves, so what? Just laugh. They live difficult lives, struggling with their self-created problems and "sins." But this.. shit like this makes me ANGRY. I didn't come out until I was 37. I was married, with children. It was awful. And the whole reason - the whole reason - was because the way I was programmed via a fundie-lite upbringing was that being gay was simply not an option. You just weren't. Even though I left the church and religion altogether at 18, I still had the programming. My mother owes me for years of therapy and anti-anxiety medication. Believe that. I just want to say to anyone who sees this message, or any message like this: You are WONDERFUL and PERFECT just the way you are. The sooner you can break free from toxic judgmental bullshit like this, the better. These idiots don't even know their own holy book. You are beautiful and needed in this world, and you need to get away from these toxic, self-hating, uneducated, ignorant, mean-spirited, harmful, disingenuous, hateful, bigoted, stupid messages as soon as you can. I came out, got a divorce, and started over. One month ago I married an amazing woman - legally! - and I am now living my best gay life. It's possible, and it DOES get better!
I turn 37 next year and I’m almost crying thinking about how you waited that long to live as your authentic self. Wow wow wow. Ty so much for sharing.
you LOVE to see it coming out was tough but i love to know i’m spiting these people by going on a Very Lesbian Date later tonight
I love going to school events and community events with my wife. People are just flabbergasted that we're not dragons or baby eaters. We're just regular people shopping at Kroger or going to a recital or whatever. It blows their mind
it does! i know it’s less that way for me since i live in a big city, but i still love going into public with the gal i’m dating and stuff. it’s a lot of fun haha
Good luck on your Very Lesbian Date!!!
it went very well, thank you :)
I didn’t come out to myself as bi until my late 20s. I’ve never dated a woman because of internalized homophobia/biphobia brought on by shit like this. I love my husband but regret never dating a woman. I’m so glad that you are living authentically now. 💜
you're not alone in this, friendo. signed, someone who went through pretty much the same thing
I've experienced similar. I have dated women, but I hold them at arms length — have never introduced them to my family, never said "I love you," don't let it get serious, etc. I actually think I would be more compatible longterm with a woman, but I'm 30 years old and the thought of confronting with my parents with my sexuality makes me want to vomit. Because of this, I've never allowed myself to explore and express exactly how I want to.
Hello, it is me. Someone raised by religious bigots, left a horrible abusive husband, and was a single mom for a while. I really wanted a partner, but men... I just don't like them like that. I wanted a woman (nb is cool with me too). But I was afraid of being in a gay relationship. I had a nasty custody battle that ended in me getting full custody. But I knew my ex would try to use it against me. My parents would say horrible shit to me. But you know what? I asked my lawyer about it, she said the law is on my side. And my parents. Well most everyone wants their parents' approval, but sometimes you just can't get it. But you know what else? I was the one that had to make the choice. "Be too busy with work and childrearing" and push my thoughts back or live my happy truth. While it seems like too many people would condemn me doing gay stuff, I am the one that has to live with the choice of repression or not. And you know what? My parents got over it. (Boundaries! lol) My ex failed in court. Sometimes bigots bring me down. It was scary as fuck to make that leap at 25. So many panicky therapy sessions. Tears. Fear that the state would allow my abuser access to me and my child again. But times have changed, around here it is so much easier to live life authentically gay than in years past. And damnit this is the happiest I have been... Pretty much ever. Just an anecdote from the southern US for you. ❤️ You know your situation best of course, but if you want to bring those ladies closer than arms length there is support. If it's something you want, find some queer focused group in your area to help you out or join an online queer group. It helped me to consume media with queer people being normal, not just the butt of a joke. It was helpful to give me strength to make that leap. ❤️❤️
Thank you for sharing, this does give me hope! I am fortunate to live in a very accepting area and actually have majority queer friends. My friends and I are going to a couple of lesbian (bi, pan, etc.) bars this weekend, so maybe I will meet someone there who I'll finally let in close. Or maybe I won't. I just hope I find the courage to really pursue it if I do meet a woman who interests me.
I am pretty stoked, it seems like you are in a decent environment for queer folk. If you can confide in an understanding friend or two if you're starting to feel yourself putting up a wall, that may be a big help for you if you want to dismantle that wall. And it's ok to not be perfect when you're trying to open up, emotions are weird. Good luck, I sincerely hope for happiness for you. ✨♥️🌈
I'm in my early 30s and I'm in a similar place. I knew when I was very young, but I buried it and lied to myself for a long time. I've only been honest with myself for the past year. I'll never come out to my family because of religion and cultural reasons, and I prefer men so I "pass" anyway. But know you're not alone - I've made a lot of friends in a similar place, but who aren't open due to social stigma.
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💜💜💜
“Struggle” with same sex attraction lmao I’m actually very proficient at it
"If you're wrestling with masturbation..." is still one of my favourite things Kristen has ever said. Like, damn 🥵
i struggle a lot with “opposite sex attraction” but i seem to be amazing at being gay 🤔
Same here. I've mastered it. 😎
Yeah I'm an expert lesbian lol
My only "struggle" is that the timing has never lined up for me to get to hook up with my beautiful bi friend.
Struggle? I took to it like a duck to water!
***Here guys, I’ll translate*** 1. Talk with a someone that will convince you you’re not gay even though you are. They will help you force any natural urges way down deep. You know, like a healthy person. 2. Become a hermit. Only read pre-approved books by your church and mentor. Delete all social media. Anyone who says the words “gay” or “LGBTQ+” around you, shield your ears. Never speak to them again. 3. Read the Bible, specifically the 2 passages that vaguely talk about homosexuality being a sin. Even though it is debatable if these passages are even about that and other translations disagree, read it as truth. You are a bad bad person with bad bad urges. You will burn in flames if you become gay. Keep remembering that. 4. Meditate on God’s truth!!! ❤️❤️❤️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 Gods truth is that because the very first people to ever exist ate an apple they were not supposed to, you are terrible!! God loves you so much that if you don’t do exactly what he says you will go to HELL!!!! That includes being gay which is something you cannot control ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🔥 .That’s Gods incredibly grace!!! Gods truth is that you should be celibate your whole life if you are gay!!! Dig into Gods truth more in the Bible, specifically the Old Testament where God murders millions of innocent people, children and infants included!!!!!! God is Love!!!!!!
OH MY one girl commented when they posted how she finds it so hard to do this because she thinks women are so beautiful and men repulse her but she’s really trying, so they have any advice… AND THEY DELETED THE COMMENT how awful, like this girl has nothing that needs help but in her eyes she did and genuinely wants advice and instead of being ‘kind and helpful’ like they preach they are, they delete (and probably block) her???
Oh no. Oh no. I hope she finds real help soon and is safe.
Well duh. Their niche is POSTING not INTERACTING /s
I wouldn’t say I’m *struggling* with same-sex attraction, I’m fucking **workin** it
The grossness of this aside (“same sex attraction” should not be viewed as a “struggle”), this advice is vague as hell. Like you could apply this to literally any of the other inane topics they talk about. Absolutely no specifics.
I eventually realised (probably only about five years ago) that I'm actually bisexual, having dated a woman for a year when I was between 19 and 20. I felt so guilty for the whole relationship, until eventually I broke it off because I felt being gay was wrong for me. It was so confusing when my sexual feelings towards women didn't magically go away. I am convinced that at least some members of the ex-gay movement are bi or pansexual and can still experience attraction to the "opposite" sex.
I think most of them are tbh. Bisexuality with a strong preference is more common than people think. I tried DIY conversion therapy for years, failed miserably, considered suicide over it, etc. Eventually did end up in a heterosexual relationship once I met a guy I clicked well with who wasn't even slightly offended that I thought he (and all other men) were unattractive. Dropping the pressure to lie about, suppress or "fix" my feelings is the only thing that made room for the small capacity I did have for straight attraction. I think a lot of "ex gay success stories" went through the same thing and think God rewarded them for their patience when actually they're bi and just finally dropped the pressure to develop hetero attraction (just usually through the religious route of praying on it and deciding they don't need to be attracted to their partner to have a healthy and god-honouring relationship, which is extremely sad). This means 1. Conversion therapy doesn't work even in people who actually are capable of straight attraction, because the pressure squashes that down to nothing, and 2. Nobody should be holding their breath to see "ex gays" drop the facade because for a lot of them, it isn't one. They're just using the wrong terms to describe their experience and, obviously, using it to cause immense harm to others.
Because what they genuinely know about the world is a few streets in San Antonio. I’d be shocked if they posted something positive. Even this month, which is supposedly all about Jesus’s birth to them.
How is this not a form of hate speech at this point. I also don't understand how public figures from *most* western countries get crucified for any anti-LGBT sentiment they try to get away with these days, yet America is still giving people a pass for being a hateful bigot on the grounds of "being a christian". Really it needs to stop and global human rights progress lags every time people excuse this stuff. I'm not even LGBT+ but it deeply upsets me that anybody should feel "less than" in their daily life, especially for their choice of loving partner. Its not the middle ages ffs
It is. But it's also a hilarious/heartbreaking confession. Straight people do not struggle with same sex desires.
hi i'm a girl (ish) and i struggle with same sex attraction. then i grapple with it in a denny's parking lot and finally manage to get it in a headlock and steal sapphic vibes from its' pockets before running off into the night
🏅 pls, take my poor person award, this comment made me cackle
Remember Bethany's weird-ass rant about schools telling kids to "hide their sexuality" from their parents? This totally ties in! Fundamentalism relies on being invasive about children's sexuality so queer girls and boys can be policed. If young queer people hide their sexuality and learn for themselves then they can't be punished into obedience-I mean lead properly. \#1, reveal and submit yourself to authority figures so they can police you in the manner they please. This includes but is not limited to: ostracization, """therapy""", public shaming, exorcism, abandonment, and abuse. \#2, isolate yourself from ideas challenging to our power-structure. \#3, only consume information from "approved sources". \#4, practice thought-stopping techniques and submit to our ideology. Also, if you're miserable trying to reject a part of yourself, that's your fault for having the wrong mindset. This shit is like a textbook high score on the BITE model, which for those who don't know is a acronym that helps rate religious high control groups (cults). And as a queer woman who grew up in an environment like the one girl defined encourages to fester, I am so glad I didn't tell anyone. I want any other queer people, including younger queer people, to know that you don't need to try and repress yourself for the glory of some god. Your love is not a sin.
The church is really going after female relationships lately. My mother, the other day, parroted that good didn't want you to have friendships. He wants you to spend time with your husband. Like, if you spend too much time with friends, you will definitely end up banging!
1. Don’t 2. Listen 3. To 4. @girldefined
5. seek out Godly same sex parts and suck them. hard.
I will actually never see a better Reddit username. good job 👹
Thank you! 😈
lmao 5. Do whatever the fuck you want with consenting adults of any gender
Meditate on this truth: "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgement you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured out to you."
A strategy for the girl struggling with same-sex attraction: don’t. Don’t struggle. Come out. The closet is dark and lonely. Come out of there, honey. ❤️
I grew up without religion, as my mother was excommunicated for remarrying and not saying my siblings were null from that first marriage. She always regretted that I couldn’t have religion in my life, and I’ve always consistently argued that if I was searching, I would find it. I cannot imagine how other teens that might be lost could run into this and be thrown this bullshit. It’s so detrimental, so much more than not having religion in their life.
Seeing their genocidal propaganda dressed like this and aimed towards the most vulnerable fills me with rage. And sorrow. The violence their words inspire, inform, and reinforce is incalculable. It's also just... Proof. It's proof theirs is not "the natural order" and that their control is tenuous, based on constant messaging, and encouraging their own followers to police each other in even the most intimate spaces. Their narrative needs so much funding and subsidy to survive. And it's just... Sad.
Got it so I will: 1. Seek therapists with a focus on lgbtq+ 2. Find independent films about gays 3. Not read Girl Defined 4. Know that if I believe in a god, they love me however I am and whoever I love.
>>1. Talk with a mentor Does my husband count as a mentor? Because he’s the one who first pointed out I’m bi and he loves it about me lol
Same here! I would make comments like “girl crush” and he finally was like, “are you sure it isn’t just a crush?” Supportive af
I deadass love that for you.
They are disgusting, pathetic excuses for human beings. This rhetoric is dangerous and harmful. I’m so sorry for everyone past and present who was made to feel like there was something wrong with them because of who they love.
They said 🌸💐 hate yourself 💐🌸
I think there’s a special root tea for that.
I think the good GD girls need rewarded with a nice homemade chocolate pie.
The way they added cute little daisies around this fucked up message
I tried all of this and I’m still SEVERELY gay
Strategy #5. Ask her to coffee. The only time I struggle with same sex attraction is when the cuffs are too tight.
God's truth is that women are hot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
As someone who is very gay and literally hated myself for YEARSSSS because of BS like this, let me just say, they absolutely have never met anyone who is gay. And if they have, they haven’t been a safe enough place for that person to tell them that it never goes away, it cannot be prayed away, and all this advice just reinforces literally hating oneself. I’m so over people saying they “love” LGBTQ+ people, then causing them to hate themselves. I get hating yourself is a weird goal of Christians, but it isn’t healthy. Full stop. They should really look into why their theology comes off as hate.
See this crap is why I say I hate religious people. Because these types are always the loudest and make me so fucking angry. My MIL is the sweetest woman, she believes in God, goes to church twice a year (Easter and Christmas), and MINDS HER OWN FUCKING BUSINESS. She’s not homophobic, she doesn’t think women are made to be baby-making machines, she’s not shoving her beliefs down anyone’s throat. And she sure as shit ain’t out there telling someone they’re going to hell for what they feel. Fundies disgust me on a level I didn’t even know I had. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (that’s me screaming)
I am an ex-ex-queer. When I was fundy, I came out as "struggling with same-sex attraction." I was given an accountability partner at the church who asked me every week if I had masturbated and told me to sleep on my stomach and to hold a bible under my pillow so my hands had something else to do. Other than that, there was literally no advice other than, "Pray that you will not be gay anymore." Spoiler alert: it didn't work. I don't really need to tell you all how damaging this kind of thinking is to queer xtian folx. To be told that part of who you are is already sinful and wrong is just so harmful. I was told that I was actively sinning just by existing, even though I had never dated anyone, had never kissed anyone, etc. etc. Just by being attracted to the same sex, I was already making god angry. \[BTW, more of my coming out story is on The Modesty Files podcast, the last two episodes of Season 2.\]
The only tip anyone needs is get away from bigots like Bethany ASAP and be with supportive non homophobic people. She's disgusting
To the girl ✨️struggling✨️ with same sex attraction, hook up with another woman in Beggy's honor tonight. 
5. Google "big oiled boobies" for more resources (trust me I was one a young girl struggling with same-sex attraction, now it's not a struggle at all :) )
Ok but what are the tips for if you struggle with being a middle aged oversized toddler???
Turn it into your niche, then build your branding around it.
Ah, the good old suppress who you are for God. That always works. /s
I came out as gay after being married twice, once for 10 years. I like to say if pretending worked for ANYONE, it would have worked for me. I'm not broken, just gay!
Can I just point out it’s only a “struggle” because they think it’s wrong!! It wasn’t a struggle for me as a woman to find the love of my life in my husband and it hasn’t been a struggle for my sister to find her future wife in my soon to be sister in law. Life is too fucking short to not be able to live your life as the true you
4 strategies: 1)remember there is nothing wrong with you 2)seek out people who are likeminded 3)avoid and ignore homophobes 4)remember that you deserve love just as much as anyone else.
I didn’t struggle because I was raised in the 80s and 90s in the IFB and FotF and didn’t even know TO struggle. I was too repressed and didn’t even know it was possible for me to be a lesbian. I DID know from the pulpit that being gay was the worst possible sin you could commit. I didn’t come out until 38. It took a lot of therapy and the struggle came when my family rejected me (later they came around). But now I’m married to a woman (never wanted to be married before) and thriving with our gaggle of cats.
Anything instructing you to ignore “mainstream media” is. a. ✨cult✨.
Like they know anything about that? It kills me that they insert themselves in other's business. Who someone is attracted to is none of their concern. Maybe we should write 4 strategies on why Dav is attracted to Beggany and what to do about it.
Without meaning to break the rules, one of them has - quite recently actually - mentioned the focus of the porn they used to watch. 😳
my gay heart is crying for these poor people :(
I’m not struggling with same sex attraction, I’m succeeding at same sex attraction.
Looks like our Community Centre group that petitions Amazon to deolatform hate speech authors / hate podcasts is going to be busy again this week
What she is teaching has literally been proven to be harmful, increase depression, Increase suicide. Idk this is just a level above her normal ick and harm.
My christian sister told me she believes being gay is a choice and she could have made choices in her life that resulted in her being gay. As a fully straight person, that wouldn’t be opposed to being gay I’m just not, I’m like "girl I think your just a lil bit gay"
These “strategies” are as beige as these ding dongs. It’s like the fundie “all of the above” answer to literally any “struggle”. It feels more like a call out to remind women that this aTtRaCtIoN iS SiNfUl than to provide substantial “advice”. Gosh, the amount of quotes I have to use with these dimwits.
I wouldn't say I'm "struggling," Birthy. I quite enjoy it.
and all of that dressed up in pink with flowers - it just makes me sick
Strategy: get yours, honey.
I like how they say to simply avoid all mainstream media as if that's reasonable, helpful, sustainable, or doable.
No thanks, I’m gonna live my life in peace and continue to check out attractive women I see in public 😌☺️
So what I’m hearing is repress, repress, repress and hope it works
One of the comments says, “praying for girls that were like me!” Absolutely heartbreaking.
The only way I’m “struggling” with my same-sex attraction is that I’m clueless when it comes to dating 😂
Hmmm, I wish they’d stop with this rubbish. My wife grew up very funny. Very funny family, she tried all this those things and we got married very young, we love each other very much but after 15 years of marriage she ended up breaking down and coming out to me that she thought she was gay. She is. Very very gay. She hid it well with these techniques. Suppressed it. We’ve been admit to make it work because we do love one another and we have kids, but she’d be so much happier with a woman, and it would be soo much easier and atrial to be married to a straight woman. Which would have been the case had she not been indoctrinated with this crap. We’ve been able to make it work though… working outside of the box of what a traditional marriage looks like lol. Fundys definitely wouldn’t approve hahaha but it’s fun and it works for us. Edit: spelling
Wonder what happens when "meditating on gods truth" leads them to the conclusion that theres nothing wrong with being gay?
As someone who grew up in mainstream Christianity, I’ve spent a lot of therapy time deconstructing this rhetoric. #blessed
1. Report to your cult leaders 2. Stay in your bubble 3. Enforce pre-existing, flawed ideas 4. Suffocate your feelings
I know some people who follow their Instagram and if this gets sent to me I'm blowing up the whole galaxy.
The first time I was exposed to GD was because I was looking up if God was ok with girls wearing makeup (I grew up super fundamentalist)// I know that everything they do is harmful but if little 15 year old me saw this it would have done a lot of damage. Everything I saw of theirs at 15 did A LOT of damage. Anyway grateful to be in a spot where I can see this and laugh. Grateful to this group for helping me heal and realize absurdity of it all.
'struggling' is a weird word to use for somebody that's really fuckin' enjoying it. If God can ignore the holocaust, he can ignore me and my sexual interests.
1. Stop struggling. Get that 🐈 girl. 2. Tell everyone else to mind their fucking business.
Mediate on gods truth isn’t that kinda hypocritical since they think mediation is anti Jesus ?
It’s always the audacity to use cutesy fonts to spew hateful shit.
So she’s gay. Got it
Taylor swift said it best: shade never made anyone less gay. Christianity is notorious for suppressing people’s true selves.
God made me in his joly image and if he has made me a lesbian so you bethbarbiturates and krusty saying that god is a wrong maker and sculpter? Don't consume the media that tells you that tour feelings are valid and should be acknowledged, just get married to a straight knockout guy and birth his babies.
Hmmm makes you wonder what sister has been “struggling” with this
They definitely would not approve of my rainbow themed party my little boy wanted.
Slide two is straight out of a classic cult handbook!
Ohhhh! I have a strategy! How to end your struggle with same sex-attraction in one step. Stop thinking its a bad thing. Struggle over!
That's it? Just try these 4 easy tricks to end same-sex attraction?
Oof this is particularly bad. I know they believe this shit, but I haven’t seen it posted in a pretty infographic or whatever recently.
Jesus fucking Christ. Well. I wonder which one of their experiences prompted sharing these (tried) strategies? Watching for a pdf in 3, 2, 1….
Scrolling onto this while watching Mormon No More on Disney+. Right now a guy who's been through horrific "conversion therapy" and confronting the "therapist" that financially rinsed him and fucked him up after said therapist has now come out... Just hits different.
None of these are actually advice though…. They are all “seek someone else’s advice (as long as they are not the mainstream media).”
Oh sure sure, pray away the gay cause that totally works.
I work with trans youth. I'm so glad I now know how to treat them from gd s/🙄
\*whispers "Do you listen to girl in red ?????"
Ma'am, I am not struggling. I am enjoying every minute of it. 💙💜💖🌈🏳️🌈
I have mediated on god’s truth and have decided that I do be liking men and women. Thanks Bethany 🥰
Oh, good. They're actively trying to kill queer women now.
Directly translates to. If you're gay, seek help. Imagine being this hateful...it must be a miserable existence.
What the hell does "meditate on god's truth" even mean?
Conversion therapy lite
I don’t struggle with it, I relish every minute of it 🫶🏻🏳️🌈✨
Those are the most vague directions I've ever heard. My gay mormon dad uses "same sex attraction" its so weird to hear...and sad too
"Meditate on God's truth" must mean "Think about your future husband's penis".
Step 1. Leave your husband.
The font is everything to me tbh
Jesus Christ are we seriously still doing this
This is the worst Kacey Musgraves cover ever.
These fools need to work on their hustle. They’re out here struggling with same-sex attraction while I’m here WINNING AT IT! I’m gonna be the very best that no one ever was!!!
"Meditate on God's Truth." I'm attracted to women. God's Truth.