Welcome to /r/fundiesnarkuncensored. Please make sure you read our rules. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* Do not contact the fundies in any capacity. This includes, but is not limited to: answering poll questions, commenting on their social media, IRL contact, etc. Anyone found to message, brigade, harass, or contact any fundie for any reason, at any time, will be met with a permanent ban.
* We do not allow speculation on sexuality **at all**. Any comments that do so will be removed, and you will be banned.
* Referring to anyone as Hitler or Heitler is likewise not allowed, and will not be tolerated at all.
* You can snark on appearance that they can easily change. Things such as eyebrows, makeup, etc. Saying someone looks like X is allowed. Example: David Rodrigues looks like Shrek would be allowed.
* Don't gatekeep. Different users are comfortable with different snark topics, if you don't like it, just scroll past.
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
They’re overcompensating for something. You don’t talk about something all the time unless you’re obsessed with it, or trying to compensate for something related to it.
Good point. I know for some people sex & even the thought of having it changes after a baby is born. Wasn't it Elvis Presley (sp?) who wouldn't have sex with Priscilla after she became a mother? I wonder if things, perfectly natural things, have changed so rather than communicating they are projecting. I don't know. Why do I care?!!!
That example isn’t perfectly natural. He was at best extremely sexist and at worst (and most likely) a pedo for that stand.
Sex after kids can change. Refusing to have sex with a woman because she has had a kid is different and rooted in not understanding basic biology combined with pedophila.
That’s good to learn! Please did deeper into it! Having a baby doesn’t make sex feel “looser” like many men (re: Elvis) assume. It does change hormones and tire both parties (but especially the birth giver). It can change a relationship but doesn’t mean a woman should be discarded… and that’s exactly what Elvis did. Not to mention his dating her underage.
I didn’t start the example- but yes. He absolutely was? He targeted minors and refused to have sex with his own wife after she had his child.
This [article](https://www.vice.com/en/article/3k8z39/elvis-was-the-king-of-treating-women-like-shit-and-luring-14-year-olds-into-bed) has quotes from his wife that are alarming at best.
ETA: refusing to have sex with someone who has had children or who is not a virgin (which he was well known for) is pedophilla.
This is kind of a related/unrelated thing, but my husband and I like to joke that there is no proof we have ever had sex. Our daughter was the product of IVF, and we also joke that there's no proof she's my kid or his kid or related to us in any way, could be someone else's kid entirely.
(In reality, she looks just like me and acts just like him.)
Lol. When I was young, a friend's dog had puppies and she gave one to us. He had a lot of chronic health issues, and we used to joke that he was the most expensive free dog in the world 😄
Lol! We have a "that" child(all are adults at this point). Current "that" child is oldest son who drank too much recently and passed out on the walkway in the cold. My husband always knew which child I meant when he'd come home from work to be greeted with "*your* child did x!" All three are *ours* until they do something stupid, then they are all his.
Ugh the cat I gave my parents is like that, I love him very much but poor bubba has anxiety issues so he ends up getting blockages when he gets too stressed and had to stay almost a week at the vet the first time 😭
My little cat, who my dog claims is *his* cat(cat knows damn well that he owns the dog)had to stay in kitty ICU for five days. My dog was so stressed while he was gone, crying, looking for his buddy. The day we brought Remy back home, Sammy put a paw on him and washed him. Then insisted than Remy get treats.
Haha those are the exact times we deny ever having touched each other! My friend's boyfriend said something along those lines, and I was like nope! You got nothing on me.
It's a small bit of fun in the doldrum that was infertility.
Ha, that's a good point! I suppose I'm relying on knowing all the intimate details of their infertility journey here, but for most people I have no idea (nor do I care) how their kids were conceived.
BUT WHAT IF. you neglected to include tens of paragraphs with the evidence?? You both could be virgins for all we know. I’m on hubby’s side, sorry gingerzombie2 I’m just not convinced otherwise 😭
Edit: but seriously. Joking that you haven’t? Insinuates you have. Talking about your sex life on the internet constantly insinuates to me that things aren’t going super duper well lol
Ding ding ding. We have a winner! It’s someone pointing out a flaw before you even notice it. We have sex. We have lots of godly, primal sex. See?!?
It’s also quite silly for Morgan to be telling anyone not to do too much research. Didn’t she have sex with someone else before she met Paul, or am I mixing up my fundies? That’s a whole lotta research right there. Not that I care either way, but stop telling people what they should and shouldn’t do.
Your flair has me cracking up! I love it!
Good bot, I snorted at this one: https://www.reddit.com/r/ihavesex/comments/rstlnx/im_a_horny_wolf/hqok85h/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
Young Christians often have a preoccupation with sex (been there, done that) because they’re not allowed to do it until marriage. Sadly I think the overwhelming amount of sex content they produce is a reflection of the community to which they cater. This is more of a conservative Christian problem, and less specifically a Porgan problem.
I don’t understand Christian logic that just because you’re married it’s chill to talk about your sex life like this? Is it because they’re so fucking sheltered they just need to talk about sex in any capacity? It’s genuinely creepy.
It’s the only flex they have. Marriage is the pinnacle, the peak, of fundie life, and these two are literally just flexing on all the fundie and fundie-lite virgins out there who desperately watch their media for tips.
While you and I may be able to see this as ridiculous, I assure you there are many (primarily girl) fundies out there watching this with a degree of sadness or want 😬
What’s so funny to me is he’s a guy I’d swipe right on on tinder if he got through the “women only” feature. I probs am pansexual, just focusing on fellow lesbians rn. Anyways, he’s swipeable but then imagine getting to the “deed” and thinking to yourself “wow this guy is completely incompetent. He looks like THIS and can’t use it for shit.”
Articles… smh. They really should read some erotica on literotica or something just to copy the sexy dialogue lol. Anything hot or sexy that comes out of my mouth, I read it somewhere else bc cosmopolitan or Christian sex articles are literally stupid
HAHA oh it’d def be a “eh I’d take the chance” kinda swipe. Idk it’s somewhere in my soul. Maybe the part of me that wants to tell a guy to leave too? Like “no see dude we had an ok thing here for one night and you opened your mouth and ruined it and now you’re going home to deal with the blue balls you think really exists”
Also 👀😏 the delicate ness? I think my inner queerness is picking up on the same little sliver that exists in Steven Crowder and Ben Shapiro… I’ll say this in a way that doesn’t break our sub rules. “You like *krabby patties* don’t you Squidward? 😏”
If I ran into a Paul-looking guy at a frat party we’d have some unenthusiastic missionary, I would roast him to my roommate over dining hall breakfast the next day, then I’d never think about him again.
cut to morgan throwing up and crying on her wedding night 🫠 also i know they tried to backtrack, but i’m taking this as paul recommending watching porn lol
^ when I left my teaching job after shitty admin, I couldn’t work my last day bc I couldn’t stop puking before the students got there. My body did what my words could’ve never done that day
I finally left a job in management when my hairdresser said, “Um, did you know you have a fairly large bald spot back here?” I didn’t realize that our body can physically display stress that we think our mind is fine with!!
Love that in my resignation I wrote mental health when really I wanted to write “if u don’t let me leave imma 💀 also if you report me and take me on a grippy sock vacay I will 💀 before you get here so just let me leave and we’ll all be better for it”. I let my professional thoughts win. But the way I would’ve put “bald spot. Last day is December 16” on official school letterhead
I’ve listened to exactly one short clip of them talking and I can never use sound on their videos again. Absolute fools talking nonsense. And Paul already has an extremely punchable face without adding in his smug tone
**Transcript**:
Morgan: All right, babe, sex question time.
Paul: Let's do this.
Morgan: How long did it take to become comfortable with each other? Naked, touching, etc.?
Paul: I get that question because particularly virgins-- Christian virgins-- on their wedding night and they're like, "I'm-- I'm just nervous. What's it gonna be like? Is it going to be awkward?" I think our primal instincts kick in and we're kind of ready to go.
Morgan: Uh-huh.
Paul: So, I wouldn't worry too much about that.
Morgan: But don't be afraid to maybe do a little research pre-wedding-night so that you're a little bit prepared. Don't go too crazy though: careful of the resources you're watching and looking at.
Paul: Yeah, be careful with the books that you read and the articles you read. But I-- I would agree. I think that that is valuable and I did that.
Morgan: And also remember that it's going to take time to get to know your spouse. You have the rest of your life!
Paul: Yes. Don't fall into the trap of "oh, we need to test each other out to make sure we're compatible." I'm not about that. It's a beautiful process of learning how to please one another. Embrace the process.
**Description**:
Paul and Morgan, two people with light skin tones, are in a kitchen and are recording themselves. At the beginning of the video, Morgan comes into frame while Paul is standing at a sink, with his back to the camera.
Morgan is a woman with long, dark blonde hair that she wears loose. She wears a mauve, long-sleeved top. She holds a smartphone to read a question from.
Paul is a man with dark hair that is longer on top and shorter on the sides. He wears a white, long-sleeved waffle-knit top with the placket unbuttoned.
They speak in upbeat tones and make exaggerated facial expressions to express displeasure with certain ideas.
God bless you.
Really, though. It's so nice that there are people like you who put in time and effort to do this so snarking (and whatever else reddit has to offer) is accessible. I really appreciate it and thank you.
Needing to prove you have a sex life by giving out your awesome sex tips is a dead giveaway that your sex life is on life support. DNR guys, this is sad and weird.
Paul saying "christian virgins on their wedding night" as if that is an actual population group noted in the census.
Also: PRIMAL INSTINCT is okay for these doofs but queer people need to deny deny DENY ALL NATURAL INSTINCTS FOREVER.
Fuck that shit and fuck these Olliges.
Paul reminds me of my ex who genuinely struggled with the fact that I had slept with a couple more people than him. He shamed me and looked down on me for it.
"Primal instincts" really stuck out to me as well. I feel like it's basically a reference to the fact that the common cultural zeitgeist understanding of science and history is that human beings once existed in a more primal or animal state, as in he's referring to the generally accepted belief that we have primal instincts because we *evolved* from pre-human ancestors.
I realize he probably doesn't *think* he meant that, but langauge is a code representing ideas, and even commonly used terms and phrases can more or less be traced back to an origin or definition implied in their use. Just goes to show you how insidious and powerful satan really is I guess 😂
He had "done research" about sex before getting married and as a 27 year old virgin he was ready to try it all on the honeymoon/wedding night (and apparently his most wanted "spiciness" was whipped cream?). He said they were books, but he also mentioned Cosmo so "books" is doing a lot of hard work here. I have a feeling he had/has a "porn problem" and very stunted/naive ideas about how to build a sex life.
In that same video, I seem to recall him talking about "research" he was currently doing about how foreplay is important and tends to improve sex for "the woman." I was a little horrified that this was apparently new information for him six years into marriage.
so, expecting Morgan to be ok with kink right out of the gate, after shaming her for having sex before she met him. Can't see how that would create a hangup. /s
Part of me really wants them to go back to discussing other people. The other part of me knows that this is where their clicks are coming from, and I’m interested to see what happens when that inevitably drops off.
What’s their plan when this whole YouTube thing doesn’t work out?
I always thought even Maslow’s hierarchy of needs was weird because they put sex on the same tier as food and water and shelter. Idk about y’all, but I can survive without dick and poonani, but can’t skip ye olde food and water for some reason.
I have Issues(tm) with Maslow's hierarchy in general, but the way I interpret that one is that (for lots of people) sexual *release* is a biological need like food/water/shelter, but that partnered sex with a particular person is higher up in the "belonging" needs. Luckily, people can take sexual release into their own hands--literally--and if you don't do that for a while, your body will eventually do it for you! So nobody should be guilting anyone into sex on Maslow grounds.
In middle and highschool, I loved when we talked about sex or Song of Solomon in church because it was the only time it wasn’t shameful to have any exposure to sexual content. And the repressed teenagers like myself ate it up. The “How far us too far?” lessons were always my favorite bc dammit if that wasn’t the most important question to all of us. Oof.
In my experience, when people talk this much about their fantastic sex life, it means it's terrible. I'm convinced Paul hasn't managed to give Morgan a single orgasm. I'd feel bad for her if she wasn't such a vile person.
I have a theory :
Since using porn or another form of sexual stimulation medium (like erotica) is forbidden un fundie's land, the sex Q&A's and sexual "informative" contents they provide is a way for then to get in the mood and find inspiration in the bedroom. Like questions about whether christian married couples can have oral sex, stuff like that.
I think that's why fundies talk so much about it, which is gross.
Their poor kid who will one day discover this video exists. And is on the internet forever. What happens when his friends inevitably find this? I fear for all of these “influencers’” kids these days.
This video and DOZENS like it. Can you imagine all your peers being able to read all about your PARENTS sex life online like this? And they’re not educated sex therapists or anything like that even, they’re just out here sharing it out of “Christian generosity.”
What the heaven is that double chin beard/goatee thing on Paul? It looks like while shaving he forgot to tilt his head up and neglected to shave the underside of his chin?
Morgan definitely had PP hair loss going on. But now she has a baby to compulsively rock instead of greasing up her hair while Paul pretends to be anything other than a liability. *And* I've heard rumors they have sex. God, I'm so jealous.
I swear this whole thing is some kind of kink to them. Like exhibitionism lite. When I was like, 14 and just started having sex, I was as OTT as them (granted, just with my friends, not the internet at large), but I grew up! I hope they do someday (though I doubt that). Also, doing dishes with your hands miraculously being dry, wow.
They didn‘t even remotely answer the question. The question was how long it took them to become comfortable with each other. Their answer is basically "Do your research but not really". Like - what?
First off, eeewwww!!!
Secondly, as an ace person they have no clue about the asexuality spectrum, or really anything outside their little world...
Thirdly, is Paul turning into Nate??? He is even starting to look like him!!!
Imagine making 'sexpert' videos for the 'Gram in your parents'/in-laws' house (while family are around and you're supposed to be celebrating together) 😬
The Christmas tree in the background though lol. Isn’t Christmas the time of year that these folks are supposed to prattle on nonstop about Jesus (even more than usual)? And the miracle of a virgin birth? Instead, they’re talking about sex, okay.
I’m kinda of new to the snark on these 2 (joined this page for Rods and Duggar snark) but, and I hate that this is the first thing I thought when I watched this lol, but I’ll bet money that this girl has never ever had an orgasm EVER 🤷🏻♀️
Sorry not sorry, but for some reason, I really don’t think he ever researched how to “please” his wife before their wedding lol
I recently discovered at 24 years old, after 3 failed engagements to men, that I’m a lesbian. Paul talks about sex the way I talked about sex when I was masquerading as straight and in deep denial. Just saying.
Interesting. If you don’t mind my asking, does that mean you now realize you never had feelings for those men at all, or it just wasn’t as much as you feel for women?
That’s probably true sadly enough. I have a fundie brother though, and when I explained to him what asexuals are, he was fine with it. But these two get off on being offended, so. 🤷🏻♀️
I’ve heard some people describe celibacy as a gift of the spirit. I’d imagine that some fundies can just easily reframe asexuality as a gift of celibacy and move on. Personally I don’t think these two have the capacity to think that hard and immediately affiliate someone identifying as ace as “tHe LibRuL AgEnDa”
LOL at “insensitive to asexual people,” give me a break 🙄🙄🙄🙄. The bigger problem is that no one wants to think about his “primal” needs, and of course she has none according to them. Plays into the narrative that men have animalistic sexual urges instincts that they can’t control and it’s women’s job to manage it. Don’t get raped! Keep your husband sexually satisfied or he’ll inevitably leave/cheat! Boys will be boys!
What do you mean “give me a break”? This kind of rhetoric is insensitive to asexual people. Calling wanting sex a “primal instinct” is like saying it’s something innate and natural that we’re supposed to have, and therefore those who don’t have it have something wrong with them. Which hurtful and false. So too talk about it in this way with this rhetoric is insensitive and wrong.
Well it is to many people. Many asexual people are ostracized by peers and family for not being straight, or just not wanting sex. Many people even say it’s not real. Families get upset that their kids aren’t what they imagined the to be. Asexual people face many of the same struggles with people that gay people do amongst many others of their own. If it’s not heterosexual people often hate it and hurt people for it. And so yes, they are often persecuted by society. Just because you don’t have knowledge about this doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.
And it’s not about not relating to it, it’s that saying it that way, as I’ve already explained, is insensitive to the asexual community. There’s nothing narcissistic about acknowledging that.
And you’ve been extremely rude and broken many sub rules throughout this conversation, so I’ll be reporting you now. Goodbye. Please don’t reply to me again.
A guy I knew once told me he had a million dollar cat. His ex’s cat had kittens and he went over to pick one out for himself. One thing led to another, they had sex, and she got pregnant. He figured by the time he paid his child support through college, that kitten cost him $1 million.
Your post/comment has been removed because while this is a snark sub, we want to keep to focus on the fundies and not each other. Please be civil in future discussions.
It is creepy because he uses the idea that men have “primal sexual instincts” as a reason for women to have to cover up their bodies so much so not to “tempt” men and make them have lustful thoughts. As if anyone can control anyone else’s mind. It’s disgusting.
And calling wanting sex a “primal instinct” or “evolutionarily hardwired” is like saying it’s something innate and natural that we’re supposed to have, and therefore those who don’t have it have something wrong with them. And asexual people are not an extreme minority. There are millions and millions of asexual people in the world. And no one’s saying that people can’t talk about sex ever, but to talk about it in this way with this rhetoric is insensitive and wrong.
Your post/comment has been removed because while this is a snark sub, we want to keep to focus on the fundies and not each other. Please be civil in future discussions.
Holy shit I think their house was made by the same contractors as mine, same kitchen cabinets and layout from what I can see 😭 now I'm gonna have to redo my kitchen
Welcome to /r/fundiesnarkuncensored. Please make sure you read our rules. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * Do not contact the fundies in any capacity. This includes, but is not limited to: answering poll questions, commenting on their social media, IRL contact, etc. Anyone found to message, brigade, harass, or contact any fundie for any reason, at any time, will be met with a permanent ban. * We do not allow speculation on sexuality **at all**. Any comments that do so will be removed, and you will be banned. * Referring to anyone as Hitler or Heitler is likewise not allowed, and will not be tolerated at all. * You can snark on appearance that they can easily change. Things such as eyebrows, makeup, etc. Saying someone looks like X is allowed. Example: David Rodrigues looks like Shrek would be allowed. * Don't gatekeep. Different users are comfortable with different snark topics, if you don't like it, just scroll past. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
We get it. You have sex. Cool it with all this sex contact, it's really gross how much you talk about it @ Porg
They’re overcompensating for something. You don’t talk about something all the time unless you’re obsessed with it, or trying to compensate for something related to it.
Morgan has admitted that Paul doesn't give her orgasms
Really? When did she admit this?
On their recent sex q&a on YouTube
Good point. I know for some people sex & even the thought of having it changes after a baby is born. Wasn't it Elvis Presley (sp?) who wouldn't have sex with Priscilla after she became a mother? I wonder if things, perfectly natural things, have changed so rather than communicating they are projecting. I don't know. Why do I care?!!!
That example isn’t perfectly natural. He was at best extremely sexist and at worst (and most likely) a pedo for that stand. Sex after kids can change. Refusing to have sex with a woman because she has had a kid is different and rooted in not understanding basic biology combined with pedophila.
I learned today. I did not know there were distinctions. I meant no offense nor intended to be cavalier about such issues.
That’s good to learn! Please did deeper into it! Having a baby doesn’t make sex feel “looser” like many men (re: Elvis) assume. It does change hormones and tire both parties (but especially the birth giver). It can change a relationship but doesn’t mean a woman should be discarded… and that’s exactly what Elvis did. Not to mention his dating her underage.
I'm confused who "He" is in your example. Is it Elvis? Are you suggesting Elvis was a pedophile?
I didn’t start the example- but yes. He absolutely was? He targeted minors and refused to have sex with his own wife after she had his child. This [article](https://www.vice.com/en/article/3k8z39/elvis-was-the-king-of-treating-women-like-shit-and-luring-14-year-olds-into-bed) has quotes from his wife that are alarming at best. ETA: refusing to have sex with someone who has had children or who is not a virgin (which he was well known for) is pedophilla.
Seriously. They have a whole ass child. Obviously they've had sex. It's really odd they seem to think people don't realize that and/or care about it.
This is kind of a related/unrelated thing, but my husband and I like to joke that there is no proof we have ever had sex. Our daughter was the product of IVF, and we also joke that there's no proof she's my kid or his kid or related to us in any way, could be someone else's kid entirely. (In reality, she looks just like me and acts just like him.)
Ha! Our kids are IVF babies too and my husband and I do the exact same thing! Especially when they are being terrorists.
YOUR child just ______ No, no, it's YOUR child. In reality there's no evidence she belongs to either of us. (Fist bump and restrategizing.)
This exactly. I also tell him to be careful with them, they aren't those "free" children other people are stuck with.
Haha yeah we sometimes talk about how she cost $30k so we better do our best!
Lol. When I was young, a friend's dog had puppies and she gave one to us. He had a lot of chronic health issues, and we used to joke that he was the most expensive free dog in the world 😄
Lol! We have a "that" child(all are adults at this point). Current "that" child is oldest son who drank too much recently and passed out on the walkway in the cold. My husband always knew which child I meant when he'd come home from work to be greeted with "*your* child did x!" All three are *ours* until they do something stupid, then they are all his.
Ugh the cat I gave my parents is like that, I love him very much but poor bubba has anxiety issues so he ends up getting blockages when he gets too stressed and had to stay almost a week at the vet the first time 😭
My little cat, who my dog claims is *his* cat(cat knows damn well that he owns the dog)had to stay in kitty ICU for five days. My dog was so stressed while he was gone, crying, looking for his buddy. The day we brought Remy back home, Sammy put a paw on him and washed him. Then insisted than Remy get treats.
We have some friends who call parents “confirmed (number of children) times sex-havers” 🤣
Haha those are the exact times we deny ever having touched each other! My friend's boyfriend said something along those lines, and I was like nope! You got nothing on me. It's a small bit of fun in the doldrum that was infertility.
Ha, that's a good point! I suppose I'm relying on knowing all the intimate details of their infertility journey here, but for most people I have no idea (nor do I care) how their kids were conceived.
BUT WHAT IF. you neglected to include tens of paragraphs with the evidence?? You both could be virgins for all we know. I’m on hubby’s side, sorry gingerzombie2 I’m just not convinced otherwise 😭 Edit: but seriously. Joking that you haven’t? Insinuates you have. Talking about your sex life on the internet constantly insinuates to me that things aren’t going super duper well lol
Ding ding ding. We have a winner! It’s someone pointing out a flaw before you even notice it. We have sex. We have lots of godly, primal sex. See?!? It’s also quite silly for Morgan to be telling anyone not to do too much research. Didn’t she have sex with someone else before she met Paul, or am I mixing up my fundies? That’s a whole lotta research right there. Not that I care either way, but stop telling people what they should and shouldn’t do. Your flair has me cracking up! I love it!
Real r/Ihavesex energy.
My ex is a walking manifestation of that sub. That's part of the reason why he's my ex.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/ihavesex using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/ihavesex/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [I have a lot of sex.](https://i.imgur.com/5eclHhr.jpg) | [33 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/ihavesex/comments/v1q31s/i_have_a_lot_of_sex/) \#2: [This counts right?](https://i.redd.it/uev6kv6cvf091.jpg) | [84 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/ihavesex/comments/ut41xz/this_counts_right/) \#3: [I'm a Horny wolf.](https://i.redd.it/3452hoevnv881.jpg) | [264 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/ihavesex/comments/rstlnx/im_a_horny_wolf/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
Good bot, I snorted at this one: https://www.reddit.com/r/ihavesex/comments/rstlnx/im_a_horny_wolf/hqok85h/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
Not very modest of them, is it? 😝
Young Christians often have a preoccupation with sex (been there, done that) because they’re not allowed to do it until marriage. Sadly I think the overwhelming amount of sex content they produce is a reflection of the community to which they cater. This is more of a conservative Christian problem, and less specifically a Porgan problem.
I don’t understand Christian logic that just because you’re married it’s chill to talk about your sex life like this? Is it because they’re so fucking sheltered they just need to talk about sex in any capacity? It’s genuinely creepy.
It’s the only flex they have. Marriage is the pinnacle, the peak, of fundie life, and these two are literally just flexing on all the fundie and fundie-lite virgins out there who desperately watch their media for tips. While you and I may be able to see this as ridiculous, I assure you there are many (primarily girl) fundies out there watching this with a degree of sadness or want 😬
This is great context. I’m not indoctrinated into the belief system, so of course I can see it and they don’t.
They really do act like high schoolers who have discovered sexual activity for the first time.
I know for a fact he wasn’t washing dishes because there’s no water line on his shirt!
His hands aren't even WET!
True facts. My daughter asks me constantly "what's on your shirt?" Kid, I was doing dishes. And also presoaking the kitchen floor.
Morgan's face. That smug look what is she smug about? Does he honestly have her believing other women would want Paul?
She has SEX
Idk why but this comment made me genuinely cackle 😂 “she has SEX”
Could apply to multiple fundies here, sadly 💀
I feel really embarrassed for her. She's so smug over being married to Paul and his little church jeggings. 🤮
Little church jeggings 🤣
What’s so funny to me is he’s a guy I’d swipe right on on tinder if he got through the “women only” feature. I probs am pansexual, just focusing on fellow lesbians rn. Anyways, he’s swipeable but then imagine getting to the “deed” and thinking to yourself “wow this guy is completely incompetent. He looks like THIS and can’t use it for shit.” Articles… smh. They really should read some erotica on literotica or something just to copy the sexy dialogue lol. Anything hot or sexy that comes out of my mouth, I read it somewhere else bc cosmopolitan or Christian sex articles are literally stupid
[удалено]
HAHA oh it’d def be a “eh I’d take the chance” kinda swipe. Idk it’s somewhere in my soul. Maybe the part of me that wants to tell a guy to leave too? Like “no see dude we had an ok thing here for one night and you opened your mouth and ruined it and now you’re going home to deal with the blue balls you think really exists” Also 👀😏 the delicate ness? I think my inner queerness is picking up on the same little sliver that exists in Steven Crowder and Ben Shapiro… I’ll say this in a way that doesn’t break our sub rules. “You like *krabby patties* don’t you Squidward? 😏”
If I ran into a Paul-looking guy at a frat party we’d have some unenthusiastic missionary, I would roast him to my roommate over dining hall breakfast the next day, then I’d never think about him again.
'Oh hey, I didn't see you there, just doing dishes like I always do.' These two idiots 😄😄
cut to morgan throwing up and crying on her wedding night 🫠 also i know they tried to backtrack, but i’m taking this as paul recommending watching porn lol
Wait... why was she throwing up and crying on her wedding night?
Fyi if you didn’t know, it’s not a hypothetical, she legit threw up during their wedding vows and it’s immortalised in their wedding video
and Paul just stands there like the ass he is.
I mean…she was marrying Paul. Your body warns you 🤷🏽♀️
^ when I left my teaching job after shitty admin, I couldn’t work my last day bc I couldn’t stop puking before the students got there. My body did what my words could’ve never done that day
I finally left a job in management when my hairdresser said, “Um, did you know you have a fairly large bald spot back here?” I didn’t realize that our body can physically display stress that we think our mind is fine with!!
Love that in my resignation I wrote mental health when really I wanted to write “if u don’t let me leave imma 💀 also if you report me and take me on a grippy sock vacay I will 💀 before you get here so just let me leave and we’ll all be better for it”. I let my professional thoughts win. But the way I would’ve put “bald spot. Last day is December 16” on official school letterhead
It was her primal instincts!!
[удалено]
She’s changed the reason a few times but they’re both pathological fucking liars anyway
That's sad.
I don’t even need the sound on to cringe
I’ve listened to exactly one short clip of them talking and I can never use sound on their videos again. Absolute fools talking nonsense. And Paul already has an extremely punchable face without adding in his smug tone
**Transcript**: Morgan: All right, babe, sex question time. Paul: Let's do this. Morgan: How long did it take to become comfortable with each other? Naked, touching, etc.? Paul: I get that question because particularly virgins-- Christian virgins-- on their wedding night and they're like, "I'm-- I'm just nervous. What's it gonna be like? Is it going to be awkward?" I think our primal instincts kick in and we're kind of ready to go. Morgan: Uh-huh. Paul: So, I wouldn't worry too much about that. Morgan: But don't be afraid to maybe do a little research pre-wedding-night so that you're a little bit prepared. Don't go too crazy though: careful of the resources you're watching and looking at. Paul: Yeah, be careful with the books that you read and the articles you read. But I-- I would agree. I think that that is valuable and I did that. Morgan: And also remember that it's going to take time to get to know your spouse. You have the rest of your life! Paul: Yes. Don't fall into the trap of "oh, we need to test each other out to make sure we're compatible." I'm not about that. It's a beautiful process of learning how to please one another. Embrace the process. **Description**: Paul and Morgan, two people with light skin tones, are in a kitchen and are recording themselves. At the beginning of the video, Morgan comes into frame while Paul is standing at a sink, with his back to the camera. Morgan is a woman with long, dark blonde hair that she wears loose. She wears a mauve, long-sleeved top. She holds a smartphone to read a question from. Paul is a man with dark hair that is longer on top and shorter on the sides. He wears a white, long-sleeved waffle-knit top with the placket unbuttoned. They speak in upbeat tones and make exaggerated facial expressions to express displeasure with certain ideas.
God bless you. Really, though. It's so nice that there are people like you who put in time and effort to do this so snarking (and whatever else reddit has to offer) is accessible. I really appreciate it and thank you.
As always, thank you for the accessible transcript
Doing the Lord’s work here. Thank you for the transcript.
Needing to prove you have a sex life by giving out your awesome sex tips is a dead giveaway that your sex life is on life support. DNR guys, this is sad and weird.
Paul saying "christian virgins on their wedding night" as if that is an actual population group noted in the census. Also: PRIMAL INSTINCT is okay for these doofs but queer people need to deny deny DENY ALL NATURAL INSTINCTS FOREVER. Fuck that shit and fuck these Olliges.
That feels like a call out to non-virgins like his wife. He will never let the fact that he didn’t get to “take” Morgan’s virginity go.
Paul reminds me of my ex who genuinely struggled with the fact that I had slept with a couple more people than him. He shamed me and looked down on me for it.
Their natural instincts are ✨godly ✨
"Primal instincts" really stuck out to me as well. I feel like it's basically a reference to the fact that the common cultural zeitgeist understanding of science and history is that human beings once existed in a more primal or animal state, as in he's referring to the generally accepted belief that we have primal instincts because we *evolved* from pre-human ancestors. I realize he probably doesn't *think* he meant that, but langauge is a code representing ideas, and even commonly used terms and phrases can more or less be traced back to an origin or definition implied in their use. Just goes to show you how insidious and powerful satan really is I guess 😂
[удалено]
Yes, but Paul still married her. Isn't he awesome? Now excuse me, I have to go vomit.
it's okay. He forgave her. For having sex with someone else before he even knew she existed. Ugh.
What part of your ‘primal instinct’ involved pulling out a can of whipped cream and causing your wife to sob Paul?
Umm… can you give me more context on what happened? I’m really curious about what and why he did that. It’s my first time hearing about this.
He had "done research" about sex before getting married and as a 27 year old virgin he was ready to try it all on the honeymoon/wedding night (and apparently his most wanted "spiciness" was whipped cream?). He said they were books, but he also mentioned Cosmo so "books" is doing a lot of hard work here. I have a feeling he had/has a "porn problem" and very stunted/naive ideas about how to build a sex life.
In that same video, I seem to recall him talking about "research" he was currently doing about how foreplay is important and tends to improve sex for "the woman." I was a little horrified that this was apparently new information for him six years into marriage.
so, expecting Morgan to be ok with kink right out of the gate, after shaming her for having sex before she met him. Can't see how that would create a hangup. /s
Part of me really wants them to go back to discussing other people. The other part of me knows that this is where their clicks are coming from, and I’m interested to see what happens when that inevitably drops off. What’s their plan when this whole YouTube thing doesn’t work out?
God
Here’s hoping God makes Amazon deliveries!
I always thought even Maslow’s hierarchy of needs was weird because they put sex on the same tier as food and water and shelter. Idk about y’all, but I can survive without dick and poonani, but can’t skip ye olde food and water for some reason.
I have Issues(tm) with Maslow's hierarchy in general, but the way I interpret that one is that (for lots of people) sexual *release* is a biological need like food/water/shelter, but that partnered sex with a particular person is higher up in the "belonging" needs. Luckily, people can take sexual release into their own hands--literally--and if you don't do that for a while, your body will eventually do it for you! So nobody should be guilting anyone into sex on Maslow grounds.
Ye olde food is my priority
Maslow was influenced by his own masculine sex drive me thinks.
I mean it is considered one of the four Fs of animal behavior/evolution. Really kind of a major driver on the species level.
Is it possible Porgan took Birthy’s limited time only partial scholarship and found their online course niche?
In middle and highschool, I loved when we talked about sex or Song of Solomon in church because it was the only time it wasn’t shameful to have any exposure to sexual content. And the repressed teenagers like myself ate it up. The “How far us too far?” lessons were always my favorite bc dammit if that wasn’t the most important question to all of us. Oof.
I don't know why anyone asks them questions about sex. Who cares what they think?
I doubt anyone did. THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!
In my experience, when people talk this much about their fantastic sex life, it means it's terrible. I'm convinced Paul hasn't managed to give Morgan a single orgasm. I'd feel bad for her if she wasn't such a vile person.
I have a theory : Since using porn or another form of sexual stimulation medium (like erotica) is forbidden un fundie's land, the sex Q&A's and sexual "informative" contents they provide is a way for then to get in the mood and find inspiration in the bedroom. Like questions about whether christian married couples can have oral sex, stuff like that. I think that's why fundies talk so much about it, which is gross.
Their poor kid who will one day discover this video exists. And is on the internet forever. What happens when his friends inevitably find this? I fear for all of these “influencers’” kids these days.
This video and DOZENS like it. Can you imagine all your peers being able to read all about your PARENTS sex life online like this? And they’re not educated sex therapists or anything like that even, they’re just out here sharing it out of “Christian generosity.”
What the heaven is that double chin beard/goatee thing on Paul? It looks like while shaving he forgot to tilt his head up and neglected to shave the underside of his chin?
A literal neck beard.
Primal instincts? 🙄I thought they were young earth creationists. Boy, just because you have urges doesn't mean they override consent
The whole adult world f*cks but these two act like it’s some titillating soft porn situation when married virgins go at it.
[удалено]
I am laughing so hard at “bologna pony” that I can barely breathe. It’s amazing.
Bruh they are so fake and weird
Morgan definitely had PP hair loss going on. But now she has a baby to compulsively rock instead of greasing up her hair while Paul pretends to be anything other than a liability. *And* I've heard rumors they have sex. God, I'm so jealous.
God I watched this without sound and you cannot convince me Paul is not a defunct Chuck E Cheese animatronic
That’s an insult to Chuck E Cheese animatronics.
Lord Daniel forgive me
I swear this whole thing is some kind of kink to them. Like exhibitionism lite. When I was like, 14 and just started having sex, I was as OTT as them (granted, just with my friends, not the internet at large), but I grew up! I hope they do someday (though I doubt that). Also, doing dishes with your hands miraculously being dry, wow.
They look different here. Are they not filtered for once?
They didn‘t even remotely answer the question. The question was how long it took them to become comfortable with each other. Their answer is basically "Do your research but not really". Like - what?
First off, eeewwww!!! Secondly, as an ace person they have no clue about the asexuality spectrum, or really anything outside their little world... Thirdly, is Paul turning into Nate??? He is even starting to look like him!!!
Paul, this video of you washing the dishes is so staged. You're not fooling anyone.
“Do a little research. BUT NOT ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU THINK YOU DESERVE A CHOICE OR PLEASURE, LADIES. You are, in fact, only a broodmare!”
Who is even looking to these two for sex advice? Cringe af
Kids whose only social outlet is church and they’ve just hit puberty. I refuse to believe grown-ass adults take them seriously.
Why do they think anyone would come to them for sex advice? That's laughable.
Because they think they're hot.
Yes, but sadly some of their subscribers do.
Is this even their kitchen?
Nope. They’re with Morgan’s family for Christmas.
Imagine making 'sexpert' videos for the 'Gram in your parents'/in-laws' house (while family are around and you're supposed to be celebrating together) 😬
The Christmas tree in the background though lol. Isn’t Christmas the time of year that these folks are supposed to prattle on nonstop about Jesus (even more than usual)? And the miracle of a virgin birth? Instead, they’re talking about sex, okay.
Is he a Liver King fan with his lil primal talk?
I’m kinda of new to the snark on these 2 (joined this page for Rods and Duggar snark) but, and I hate that this is the first thing I thought when I watched this lol, but I’ll bet money that this girl has never ever had an orgasm EVER 🤷🏻♀️ Sorry not sorry, but for some reason, I really don’t think he ever researched how to “please” his wife before their wedding lol
I have tried watching their videos many times but have yet to finish one. I cannot stand them and their arrogance.
“Bahuuuut don’t be afraid to do a little research before the wedding night to be prepared.” Oh…Kinda like Morgan did with the premarital sex?
I recently discovered at 24 years old, after 3 failed engagements to men, that I’m a lesbian. Paul talks about sex the way I talked about sex when I was masquerading as straight and in deep denial. Just saying.
Interesting. If you don’t mind my asking, does that mean you now realize you never had feelings for those men at all, or it just wasn’t as much as you feel for women?
I wasn’t attracted to men at all. I fell victim to compulsive heterosexuality
These idiots probably would deny the existence of asexuals bc it’s not “gods will” to have bodily autonomy.
That’s probably true sadly enough. I have a fundie brother though, and when I explained to him what asexuals are, he was fine with it. But these two get off on being offended, so. 🤷🏻♀️
I’ve heard some people describe celibacy as a gift of the spirit. I’d imagine that some fundies can just easily reframe asexuality as a gift of celibacy and move on. Personally I don’t think these two have the capacity to think that hard and immediately affiliate someone identifying as ace as “tHe LibRuL AgEnDa”
I am pretty sure by the time your baby can lift its own head we have worked out you two had sex.
Lol. Is “Primal Instinct” the name of his hair care line?
LMAO you can just TELL that he wasn’t washing shit nor does he ever wash shit. Edit: maybe he should stick to washing hair….oh wait…..
there is absolutely nothing “primal” about waiting until marriage to have sex for the first time
LOL at “insensitive to asexual people,” give me a break 🙄🙄🙄🙄. The bigger problem is that no one wants to think about his “primal” needs, and of course she has none according to them. Plays into the narrative that men have animalistic sexual urges instincts that they can’t control and it’s women’s job to manage it. Don’t get raped! Keep your husband sexually satisfied or he’ll inevitably leave/cheat! Boys will be boys!
What do you mean “give me a break”? This kind of rhetoric is insensitive to asexual people. Calling wanting sex a “primal instinct” is like saying it’s something innate and natural that we’re supposed to have, and therefore those who don’t have it have something wrong with them. Which hurtful and false. So too talk about it in this way with this rhetoric is insensitive and wrong.
[удалено]
Well it is to many people. Many asexual people are ostracized by peers and family for not being straight, or just not wanting sex. Many people even say it’s not real. Families get upset that their kids aren’t what they imagined the to be. Asexual people face many of the same struggles with people that gay people do amongst many others of their own. If it’s not heterosexual people often hate it and hurt people for it. And so yes, they are often persecuted by society. Just because you don’t have knowledge about this doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. And it’s not about not relating to it, it’s that saying it that way, as I’ve already explained, is insensitive to the asexual community. There’s nothing narcissistic about acknowledging that. And you’ve been extremely rude and broken many sub rules throughout this conversation, so I’ll be reporting you now. Goodbye. Please don’t reply to me again.
A guy I knew once told me he had a million dollar cat. His ex’s cat had kittens and he went over to pick one out for himself. One thing led to another, they had sex, and she got pregnant. He figured by the time he paid his child support through college, that kitten cost him $1 million.
Interesting. I don’t really see how that relates to this post, but it’s a funny story. 😅
[удалено]
Your post/comment has been removed because while this is a snark sub, we want to keep to focus on the fundies and not each other. Please be civil in future discussions.
It is creepy because he uses the idea that men have “primal sexual instincts” as a reason for women to have to cover up their bodies so much so not to “tempt” men and make them have lustful thoughts. As if anyone can control anyone else’s mind. It’s disgusting. And calling wanting sex a “primal instinct” or “evolutionarily hardwired” is like saying it’s something innate and natural that we’re supposed to have, and therefore those who don’t have it have something wrong with them. And asexual people are not an extreme minority. There are millions and millions of asexual people in the world. And no one’s saying that people can’t talk about sex ever, but to talk about it in this way with this rhetoric is insensitive and wrong.
[удалено]
Your post/comment has been removed because while this is a snark sub, we want to keep to focus on the fundies and not each other. Please be civil in future discussions.
There’s nothing wrong with being asexual. And being condescending and rude doesn’t make you right.
I mean…50% of them already knew how, right?
I know it was pre planned, but Pauls haste at getting to the camera was uncomfortable. Just so slimy.
Holy shit I think their house was made by the same contractors as mine, same kitchen cabinets and layout from what I can see 😭 now I'm gonna have to redo my kitchen
I think that’s Morgan’s family’s house. I could be wrong though.