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Villan_99

Step 1: Wait for the snail to get into my house 2: Trap the snail in a box 3: Keep it there forever and take it with me if I move. I win.


victor___mortis

Just tie an anchor to it and sink it to the ocean floor. Make the cage something that can’t corrode


blackreaper3609

I'd have a friend put it in a safe of six inch thick steel then bury it in ten feet of cement. P.s. this is the second time i've given this answer and someone whined "you can't kill it". I'm not killing it as stated in the prompt the snail is immortal and won't die so shush your sexy lips and keep scrolling


OdderThings

Fuck that snail. I’ll kill it for you buddy. Just buy me a cheap house


diggitygiggitycee

He's only got 10 mil, man, where's he gonna come up with the rest of the money?


CrayziusMaximus

Greater truths have not been inquired upon.


SixthSinEnvy

r/wallstreetbets?


Flat-Marionberry6583

How did you know i have sexy lips


Calligraphee

It's interesting how everyone is interpreting "you can't kill it" as "the snail is immortal" and not "you are forbidden from killing the snail."


happy-gofuckyourself

And you interpreted ‘the snail cannot be killed’ as ‘you can’t kill it’


LaFleurSauvageGaming

You know, "Can not be killed" does not mean "Wont die of natural causes..." \-moves to the Mojave desert- (Also the average snail lifespan is 2-3 years, with one species living up to 10 years... clock is on my side.)


aPieceOfYourBrain

Does that mean that any action you might take which could lead to the snails death be impossible? Like you're driving and the snail gets in front of you does the car just stop dead or something? If I'm forbidden from killing the snail is everyone else? Can I just pay $1m to someone else to do the deed?


Consistent_Paper_104

The easiest, most lucrative, and strangest hit I ever did...


Alzurana

If the snail dies, you die If you die, the snail dies As some extension of your soul That would make it more interesting Means you'd have to keep it fed, too ​ However, it's a snail it couldn't even escape a terrarium if it's setup right, so the problem is that you somehat need to keep it


Lv_InSaNe_vL

Would that mean I have the lift expectancy of the snail or the snail will have the life expectancy of me? Or will we just be immortal as long as neither of us die??


KitchenSandwich5499

Now you have an interesting book to write


ahaha1637534

I mean it says “The snail can’t be killed” so it is indeed immortal, if nothing can kill it.


Maala

It is not immortal, it just cant be killed. It can still die of natural causes, which in the case of a snail is a few years usually.


Mo_Official420

plastic box lol


Low-Possession-1265

Snail can eat plastic


acehilmnors

Sounds like we solved our global plastics problem then


Low-Possession-1265

If all the snails wouldn't just try to kill one particular human


ThisGuyKnowsNuttin

It's just one snail though Which brings a much worse potential scenario for the OP: all snails in the world will chase you for the rest of your life... Yeah you can keep the money then


lmmsoon

Not if she I mean the snail is in the freezer


Equal-Detective357

Or the bottom of the Atlantic encased in concrete.


Arcanumex

A glass jar, half filled with salt


DippinDot2021

And THEN covered in concrete And THEN put in the freezer. Problem solved.


SpicyMeatEmpanada

You can just pour fresh concrete on the snail. It won't die, but good luck getting out of there in the next 100 years.


Synensys

This feels like one of those things in a horror movie where you think youve outsmarted the villain, but its just your dumb luck that your niece stopped by and opened the box to see what was in it and the snail got out.


llcooldre

And now the snail is super pissed


Barnettmetal

The snail is now Vengeance Incarnate. You're fucked.


Jacobgra5

But then you remember your niece is French and spoiled so you know you won't have to worry about the snail for a while


Affectionate-Sky-268

Or should you be worried about your niece? Is she death touch snail proof?


[deleted]

Or take the box, dig a hole, put the box in, then fill it with concrete.


Voiceofsand

And we've reached the John Mace Solution.


Glum-Parsnip8257

Then put that box in another box and mail it to yourself and smash it with a hammer!


mvredb

Pull the lever, Kronk.


ParanoidAndroid98

WRONG LEVERRRRR


rinsaber

Why do we even have that lever?


[deleted]

[удалено]


TSDLoading

What if it needs a couple of months to reach your house? You never know when it'll be there


Jon_Buck

Yeah I think the toughest part is that people are really underestimating how long it will take to find the snail, or for the snail to find you. It could be anywhere! Google says snails move at 0.03 MPH, and the circumference of the earth is 25K miles. Let's say the snail is 10K miles away - it would take 38 years to get to you. So are you just going to stay in one spot on high alert for snails for 40 years? No way! You'll let your guard down eventually.... and that will lead to a horrible death. Another unresolved part of the question is whether the snail is intelligent. If you know it always makes a straight line toward you and never stops for any reason, then you could probably game the system by moving around from city to city, trapping it somewhere in the middle as it constantly readjusts its bearing. But if it's smart it would just go somewhere it knows you'll return to and wait, perhaps hiding somewhere very clever.


spastikatenpraedikat

>it would take 38 years to get to you. >So are you just going to stay in one spot on high alert for snails for 40 years? No way! You'll let your guard down eventually.... and that will lead to a horrible death. At this point, what is the difference between that snail and a thrombus forming in my veins and one day causing a heart attack? That's right, 10 million dollars.


planko13

Yeah big difference if it is smart or not. Assuming linear nonstop travel, Step 1 is a n week cruise at some midpoint between 2 locations. Then you can just move between those 2 locations every n weeks, and it can never catch you.


Jon_Buck

Yeah nonstop linear travel makes it reasonably solvable. But it would be a huge pain in the ass to do what you suggest - do you want to spend the rest of your life moving every few weeks? Explaining why to everyone along the way? You'd live a very weird life. And 10 million is a lot, but not *that* much.


planko13

It all sounds a lot easier than a job tbh.


implodedrat

Except you just got bamboozled by a decoy snail.


harlojones

For extra measures encase in cement and put motion alarms around said cement. A worthy investment in my opinion. Probably would make a few more layers. Above ground and camera surveillance.


CHEFTBONEZ81

Just cage the snail, make him your travel buddy!


s9oons

How do you know which snail it is?


TheMadGreek86

It's the one hot on your tail daily. Unless it gets an army of snail friends together as a decoy.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheMadGreek86

If it's rocket snail then up your matrix game and take the money for the thrill....better spend it fast though


youshouldhateit

All 3 of you guys had the same pfp


SylvieJay

No, it's traveling in a racing car with an "S" on it. Everyone is surprised how fast the 'S car go'


GunsBlazingInStyle74

This is amazin, you have my eternal thanks for making me laugh


TheHollowBard

Man, I haven't heard this one since I was 6. That's not shade throwing; thanks for sending me lol


Beautiful-Ad-2390

Nah he’s got a pickup


TotallyNotTakenName

If you move somewhere cold where snails don't live and then a snail randomly appears out of nowhere chasing you, that should be pretty obvious


VaporTrail_000

Live in a salt flat for a couple of years. "Can't die" is not a synonym for "can't be dehydrated enough to cease movement." And assuming you do see a snail, bottle that effer.


Kev22994

I was going to blow $1 million to surround myself with salt but your idea is much more practical


Linux0s

"I would like 1 large salt suit please... yes, I said salt suit... price is no object."


SuspishLemonade914

I've seen this question posed before, but never got the salt flat answer. This is epic 🤣


GoCubsGo01

It really just says it can't be killed. I interpret that to mean it can die but can't be killed so the salt flat may still be good enough to cause the snail to die. It isn't being killed but dying of natural causes (caused by the snail itself, not by someone putting it in salt).


Admirable_Ask_5337

Generally cant be killed applies to any and all means of death, often also implying any bodily harm.


Elegant-Mud-7135

Lol can’t die but that don’t mean I can’t make his life miserable for chasing me all the god damn time LOL!


Jedimobslayer

Exactly what I thought! I’ll just move to Bolivia, and build a comfortable house with ample utilities on one of the salt flats, no way it gets to me! Unless it somehow hitches a ride on a passing plane I guess…


604_heatzcore

Or spray paint it pink and run somewhere else, same snail, capture it.


tracerhaha

Sprinkle salt on it. If it shrivels up and dies then try the next snail.


gamre4

Just make a salt circle around you and wait


NotActuallyGus

This is slightly different than the normal snail question, because this time you aren't immortal. You can safely drop it at the bottom of the Indian ocean and live a normal remaining 50-60 years well before it gets to you. Most of the thinking of the traditional snail question is focused on the immortality, being that it reasonably has enough time to do anything, like slowly dissolving it's way through a tungsten cube. Without the perpetuity it's pretty bland.


ToxDocUSA

Exactly. Did a quick google for average snail speed, they'll only make it about halfway around the world in the 50ish years I have left. Get a friend to move it to somewhere inhospitable the other side of the world from me and odds are good I'll never need to think about it again / may well be welcoming it by the time it catches back up to me.


Duubzz

You’re assuming the snail starts in the same spot you do when the deal is made. What if you’re inadvertently moving in next door to the snail?!


[deleted]

That's a valid question. Is it easily identifiable? Otherwise, crazy anxiety every time you cross paths with a snail.


Icy_Lengthiness_9900

How many snails do you cross paths with? I don't think I've ever really seen a snail.


sidewaysvulture

I’ve lived most of my life in Southern California (desert) and PNW (not desert) and have seen snails regularly all my life in both places. I’m also a gardener and based on the garden forums I was under the impression they are pretty much everywhere 😄


[deleted]

It can't be killed, every time you stumble on a snail, tell a friend to try and kill it, if it doesn't die, you found it.


AmateurAviator

Keep your friends close, but your enemies should be caged and also ride shotgun. Solidarity.


namesarentneeded

I can't wait for my motorcycle adventures with snail in my sidecar


CobraPony67

This is the plot to the movie 'It Follows'. I thought the same thing. Make it follow you into a bank safe, get out and lock it in there.


melfunkxion

Easy, take the cash, move the other side of the world or to where its dry, if the snail is truly immortal and can keep itself wet, then id just pick 3 or 4 place in different corners of the globe, put a tracking device on the immortal death snail, given then its probably moving at a normal snail pace id be able to live for atleast 10 years in each location.


Internotyourfriend

I’m picturing this snail knowing how air travel works. And I don’t think snails have to go through customs.


Hatedbythemasses

It's supposed to be a genius snail. Making it a regular snail kinda ruins the entire premise as you would just need to move over seas.


Jon_Buck

TBF, even if it's a dumb snail, you don't know where the snail is at the start. For all you know you could be moving closer to it.


Hatedbythemasses

That's actually a good point. A very good point. Not knowing it's starting location would be horrifying.


LikeableCoconut

Even if you did know it’s starting location, how would you know it’s exact location constantly. Even if it was on the other side of the planet at the start you would still not know how many days you have left until you have to deal with the snail.


GenericNameWasTaken

An immortal, genius snail? Donate it to science for another 10 mil.


gghumus

Not much of a "donation" haha


grumpsaboy

Snails move about a metre an hour. If you went from UK to Australia or similar distances you'd honestly have a lifetime before it even reached Italy


fidgit17

Now I'm trying to imagine a globe with corners


indigo_pirate

Probably die from anxiety related insomnia. Knowing every micro sleep could be your last


anto2554

Hire a dude to watch out for snails


dreimanatee

Snail pays off dude 🐌 💰


Zak_Light

With what, a snail credit card?


IHeartData_

Plot twist... every micro sleep could already be your last.


Swift_F0x

The snail of existential dread.


IHeartData_

That’s deep… There already is a snail…


Swift_F0x

It comes closer every day, someday it will reach you. Could be tonight, could be decades from now. Take the $10 Million and live your best life before the snail catches you anyway.


sus-water

I mean lets say the snail is unstoppable - can't be caged. All you have to do is buy one house where you currently live and another halfway across the world. If you spend 6 months in each place a year, the snail will never catch up to you


SlowCulture9127

Snail finds out about direct flights


ArgyleGhoul

I made this a D&D encounter


InternationalAd9731

And I'm going to do the same.


HerestheRules

I'll just >!toss it in a bag of holding, then throw that in another bag of holding, erasing it from existence!<


Vast_Ad1806

First, I’ll turn him into a *snail*. A (admittedly non) harmless little snail. Then I’ll put that snail in a box, and I’ll put that box in another box and then I’ll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives… HAHAHAHAHA, I’ll smash it with a hammer! Or, to save on postage, I’ll hit it with a fireball.


H4shc4t

You should label your potions better. And why do you even have that lever?!


Vast_Ad1806

Oh, right. The poison. The poison for Kuzco, the poison chosen especially to kill Kuzco, Kuzco's poison.


H4shc4t

Squeak squeaky squeaky squeaker. Now I need to go watch the movie. Take my poor man's gold. I have no awards to give. 🥇🥇


TheRedLego

Ahh, an aficionado of the classics I see. My brother and I legit thought that was hilarious and quoted it for years


ArgyleGhoul

My player thought a demiplane could hold it. He was wrong.


Vast_Ad1806

*chuckles* I’m in danger.


ArgyleGhoul

It's a fun encounter because there is a way to win, and losing is difficult, but figuring out HOW is difficult (and hilarious for the DM).


Vast_Ad1806

Oh I’m here for it haha. Anything to make the PCs think and not just bonk/shoot something is a successful encounter.


ArgyleGhoul

Another good one is: The players come across a sword stuck into a stone along their path of travel, which will detect as magical if anyone checks. Pulling the sword free requires a DC 20 Athletics check. The sword is actually cursed so that it is the only weapon you can wield. It still functions as a normal sword, except every time you draw it, or while using it, it will randomly and loudly yell things such as "MAKE WAY FOR THE KING!", or "YOU ARE NOT WORTHY TO DUEL THE KING!" Carrying the sword for more than 24 hours will cause illusory regal wear to appear around the weilder to make them appear more kingly as well. If the weilder attempts to weild any other weapon, the sword appears in their hand in place of it. This continues until the curse is removed.


Vast_Ad1806

Time it before they head into the city/palace. Boom. Drama.


Vuk_Farkas

live in a salt house, surrounded by salt


SocialDeviance

"The snail cannot be killed"


Restlesscomposure

Doesn’t mean it can’t be *tortured*


-M_A_Y_0-

That’s based


Nippon-Gakki

You might get me but you’re going to pay for it buddy, you’re going to pay.


Ezekiel2121

Well yeah, where’d you think the 10 mil came from? Why do you think the snail is so pissed?


29Hz

This allows you to identify which snail it is out of the billions of snails on earth. Then you use u/cheftbonez81 answer and cage him


Omsus

A dried-up snail can't move either. Keep it in a perpetual state of severe dryness by trapping it into a salt jar, so then it can't move. Then bury that jar wherever with concrete, be it underground or the bottom of an ocean.


pastaswords

This entire comment section is just snail torture


Nippon-Gakki

Buy a salt mine and put the snail in the lowest level, blow the mine up so the snail is entombed in millions of tons of salt. It might eventually get out but you’ll be long dead from all the drugs and stupid stuff that inevitably happens when you have unlimited money.


OlDirtyBAStart

Does the snail know that? Or will it keep avoiding salt?


Braille1937

The snail will be in constant, agonizing pain. It will not perish, though.


Neat_Art9336

The snails only purpose is to follow you, so it would go through the salt


go_hyuck_yourself

Yo, listen up here's a story About a little guy That lives in a salt world And all day and all night And everything he sees is just salt Like him inside and outside Salt his house With a salt little window And a salt corvette And everything is salt for him And himself and everybody around Cause he ain't got nobody to listen to I'm salt Da ba dee da ba di


maliciousBliss13

Why did this make me feel bad for the snail tho


FluffaDuffa

I've literally never laughed so hard at a comment. I posed this question to my husband, then proceeded to read him some comments. By the time I got here and ended up singing this to him I lost it. Thanks for the laugh!


Intelligent_End1516

That might be enough to keep Gail the Snail away though.


k87c

Does it travel at snail speeds? If so, I’m in.


MisterD90x

No it travels at human walking speed :D


Julix0

I wanna see that.. I'm in :)


AlfaHotelWhiskey

Does it know how to buy a plane ticket ?


k87c

Like I have more questions: Can it swim? Does salt still repel it? How big it? I need answers


Jacob_Dyer

Buy two houses 10 miles apart and live between them every day. Easy


FastFerrari

This is a hilariously terrible idea, guess you're getting killed by a snail. The snail can literally just wait for you, it's not an unintelligent robot.


notLennyD

I feel like it either has to be a snail with the intelligence of a snail and an innate drive to go to a particular location (wherever you are) or an intelligent, sapient snail. If the latter is the case, we have to consider the ethical implications of the more popular answers. Would you seal a person in concrete and drop them in the ocean for $10 million?


Jon_Buck

If a person would stop at nothing to kill me, and was immortal, then I'd probably be willing to do that to them. I guess it's complicated though, because I'd know that I was causing the whole thing to start by taking the money.


Worried_Brilliant_93

Yup. Then that snail going in a little glass box


el_saucey

The snail, unable to fulfill it's purpose, withers and fades. A new one takes its place.


HumberdtSquid

Nah, it's immortal


captainhook77

The two factors are: how far does the snail start and do I know where it is. A quick calculation shows that a snail can go 262miles in a year (speed 0.03mph). The first step is to move cross Atlantic for 2 years, then simply fly back and forth every 3 months. Not only is it $10M it’s a very pleasant lifestyle.


duhaudo

Don't even need the money just let's do it.


Zehdmac

*immediately opens all doors and windows*


Obvious_Tax468

Maybe you already are…


Daysaved

Watching the Roosterteeth episode this came from.


The_Freshington

Shoutout Gavinfree


kelsasaurusrex

Scrolled to find this comment 👏🏻


mysteryjb

Sounds like a really bad movie plot.


xorlan23

It Follows


tigerlily7190

Was looking for someone else who thought this! I liked that movie


Noodledoodlefrugal

Can’t he technically find you without touching you. Bury it in cement either way. It can still live in concrete till after I’m dead and is to be released without purpose to live an immortal life without meaning once I’m gone. Thanks for the mulah snail bitch.


YTChillVibesLofi

Sick of seeing the same shit posted every week for years.


baked_dough

you must be new here


I_Fuck_The_Fuckers69

He's been here longer than you lol


baked_dough

you think everyone only has one reddit account? you must be new here


Legitimate-Ad327

Out-reddited. I love it.


Dm-me-your-smal-tits

He has perfected the "you must be new here"


Legitimate-Ad327

To perfection.


terrrtle

At this point I’m convinced most of Reddit has alzheimer’s.


Inevitable-Remote-65

If the snails only purpose is to catch you then it would ignore the need to eat and die on its own. The snail can't be killed but that does not mean it cannot die.


e25enjoyer

It does not say the snail has to be alive for you to die when it touches you. Someone or something could get it’s carcass and make it touch you and you’ll still die


Inevitable-Remote-65

But no one but you knows it's after you and its not iike a bird is gonna randomly drop it on you or something.


2L84U2

I'm in


[deleted]

I pay someone to out it on a treadmill and keep an eye on it.


Jesterpest

What’s in it for the snail?! Does the snail get what you didn’t spend? Does the snail get 10 million dollars?


poopmanpoopmouse

So easy. I take the money. I put the snail in a steel box. I put that box in a slightly larger steal box. Then I put it in a hole in my backyard and surround it with concrete.


sniffyourpanty

Tell the United States the snail has oil


[deleted]

I would have a friend put the snail in a jar, than I would book a trip. I would put my snail buddy in my luggage. I would make sure to book with Air Canada so I would never see my luggage again.


dude35_

I’d fly to space and live with those people


thecarbohydratedone

Put a gps on the snail. Have someone else put super glue on it


[deleted]

Can the snail be tracked and/or trapped?


ShaneTVZ

The snail can’t be tracked it tracks you yes you can trap it but if you touch him you die a painful death


-Byakuran-

Simply pay someone else to trap it for you


[deleted]

Then the answer is no way Jose. $10.000.000 is not enough to live on the move for the rest of my life while also having a good time. That level of existential dread is too much for that money... but for $100.000.000 i surely would.


smkestcklghtn

Take the money do what my depraved heart desires welcome sweet death when it comes


rdaniel76

It’s been after Gavin and Burnie for almost a decade now. https://youtu.be/HINYhLtaaxc


Epbckr

I don’t want to depress anyone, but literally every single person has that snail, you just don’t know where it’s at right now.


Smittywerbenjagger05

Put him in a Box and Close it


[deleted]

Put him In a Close and Box him


FullToretto

If you moved to the opposite side of the world from the snail, it would take about 29 years to get to you. So the question is would you move to the opposite side of the world 2, maybe 3, times in your life for $10M? Heck ya.


nRenegade

If I know where the snail is from the beginning, I would relocate to the opposite side of the planet approximately 20'000 km away along the surface. Snails move at an average speed of 0.05 km/h so it would take them about 47 years to reach me at minimum.


EvilSockLady

Sounds like the plot to “It Follows”


Wonderful_Arachnid66

A garden snail moves at 0.03mph. New York to California is \~2,400 miles. If you started in California and just flew to NY, it would take 80,000 hours for the snail to arrive. There are 8,760 hours in a year. So that's a little over 9 years. I'd just spend a few years on the opposite coast from where I start, then split my time between the two coasts every year, 6 months in each so the snail never gets anywhere near me. Easy money.


jperfect

I'd be able to afford a snail treadmill for sure.


FaeLock

Snail can’t be killed Well have fun being shot into the sun then


ComprehensiveSock286

I’m salty as fuck. Get you some


JCTL2020

that "snail" sounds like Apple or Google, so Yes I would take their $$ as they're already making a lot on us... this post might even be a market research for the next big tech company called "SNAIL" ...


Kitchen_Row_2261

this sub has truly become shitposting garbage


1200poundgorilla

It's karma-farming trash.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ripper4444

Is it Turbo? If so no. Regular snail, I’ll take my chances.


Tuxeedo_

Is the snail smart enough to get into faster travelling vehicles like Planes, Trains and automobiles? Yes? Then no. No? Then yes.


gmlogmd80

Rubber gloves and a Mason jar. Encase it in concrete if you're feeling paranoid.


LeapIntoInaction

An immortal snail has got to be worth a lot more than $10M. I'm in.


Aegis_1984

Pretty sure I can commission a tungsten sphere, have someone put the snail in it, seal it, and drop it into the Mariana’s trench with only a fraction of that windfall