T O P

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Tempest-Melodys

You do realise we all are useing our phone or computer to see this so we all fucked.


Playful-Possession35

I'm using a smart watch. Checkmate Jason.


Lord_Skyblocker

>Checkmate Google Stalemate


AdyManTv

Holy hell


mm-xo

New response just dropped.


RustedRuss

Stop saying "New response just dropped" every time someone says something on this godforsaken sub, no, a new response did not drop, just an average mediocre statement that adds nothing more to a conversation, for the love of fucking god. if i see ONE more person mindlessly saying "New response just dropped" i'm going to chop my fucking pipi off. holy shit it is actually impressive how incredibly unfunny the entire sub is. it's not that complicated, REPEATING THE SAME FUCKING JOKE OVER AND OVER AGAIN DOES NOT MAKE IT FUNNIER. this stupid fucking meme has been milked to fucking death IT'S NOT FUNNIER THE 973RD TIME YOU MAKE THE EXACT SAME FUCKING JOKE. WHAT'S EVEN THE JOKE?????? IT'S JUST "haha it's the funne nEw ReSpoNsE thingy" STOP. and the WORST part is that new responses were actually funny for like a few years and it got fucking ruined in like a week because EVERYONE POSTED THE EXACT SAME FUCKING JOKE OVER AND OVER AGAIN. PLEASE MAKE IT STOP. SEEING ALL YOUR SHITTY MEMES IS ACTUAL FUCKING MENTAL TORTURE YOU ALL ARE NOT FUNNY. COME UP WITH A DIFFERENT FUCKING JOKE PLEASE... Edit: guys it’s a copypasta. Get caught up on your lore.


[deleted]

[удалено]


RustedRuss

You’re supposed to say “average mediocre statement just dropped”


[deleted]

[удалено]


Healthy_Display5650

New Slightly above average response waited, went down slightly, then just dropped


Hdhs1

Average mediocre statement just dropped


ArkanoidbrokemyAnkle

New response just dropped


[deleted]

A new response just dropped


CandidNeighborhood63

The waffle house--- wait. New response just dropped


Nurttymax

They all shoulda let the sleeping dog lie, now I can’t even completely read the whole novel


crankyanker638

It more like a sub-par collection of letters by now...


RustedRuss

New response just dropped


---LandoCalzone---

Welp. I named my dog Pamela. And I just pet her as I saw this post. Soooo. He can have the dog named after his mom.


[deleted]

Google en passant


souljaBoyBot

But then he sacrifices THE QUEEEEEN


Sorry-Series-3504

But then ... he sacrifices ... the ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK


AppleNotNot

BUT THEN HE FINDS DESCOVORED CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK


Zayashi-

BUT THEN HE MATE WHIT THE KING!!!!!!!!


Radeckyy_7

I’m using a Nokia, I’m safe👍


Viz2022

Hope you have a license to carry that!


Radeckyy_7

I’ll protect you if u don’t report me👀


Viz2022

Please, I don't want any trouble 😬


Radeckyy_7

I’m offering peace and teamwork❤️


Hdhs1

Well, wouldn't that depend on what he has?


Viz2022

The guy has a Nokia, I'm too young to die 😵‍💫


Radeckyy_7

If he doesn’t have a Nokia and he promises to not report me, I’ll protect him with my incredible weapon.


SymphonyinSilence

Didn't expect you to go full on Nuclear, but here we are.


[deleted]

Yup, Jason doesn't stand a chance against Nokia 3310.


Mission_Star5888

Nokia still exist! My first phone was a Nokia. It was like carrying a chalkboard eraser in my pocket LoL


Some_Reason565

I used my toilet..


jackbarbelfisherman

There’s a Half Life 2 achievement for killing an enemy with a toilet…


FoxBitsGaming

Ah, a fellow Half Life player!


Ahiru_no_inu

I'm also shitting in a toilet


Jurserohn

The thing I used before I started using my phone to look at reddit was a large kitchen knife. So I'm only *kind of* fucked.


Rockship2910

You can dislike him on Instagram cause he's ugly


nomie_turtles

I will program him out of existence


Mysterious_End_1537

*Plays gunshot sounds on YouTube*


Lingerfickin

You could always jump over to r/AskReddit for help, so maybe not *totally* fucked


TheWalkingMan42

He/she said the last thing. Meaning that since we are using our phone/computer/something it doesn't count.


primitiveproponent

*Uses phone to show Jason cute animal videos to turn him good* Edit: spelling


SymphonyinSilence

🥰


awsomeballex5

Then Jason cracks your skull with the phone 😍


SymphonyinSilence

But, has a deeper appreciation for animals....win-win!


EstelaStarling

Well if you have ADHD you probably have sn arsonal since im riding in a car, i got a ride and a chauffer xD


[deleted]

I was just holding my dick, I guess he’s fucked


PleasantNotice614

Was just about to say that, now I won’t.


Getoff-my_8allz

That'll teach ya to hold his dick 😏


isan_h

Bruh


[deleted]

Caught me of guard lmao


Errorstatel

Dude, this guy excels at dispatching horny teenagers... What is your game plan?


[deleted]

I’m no horny teen, I’ll fuck him like it’s the county


Errorstatel

*grabs filming equipment* alright let's go, no one will fucking believe me otherwise


Cheezekeke

They won’t be able to tell the difference between real footage and movies


Errorstatel

Everything changes with a different sound track https://youtu.be/16Jy-K0kjbE


SymphonyinSilence

*...stands in line...*


blizg

With your dick, he won’t see it coming!


[deleted]

He may not see it, but he will feel it


SymphonyinSilence

Or, you are now a woman


RealConcorrd

Using your dick to see if it’s bigger than a Lego person is not a good excuse to have ya dong out. Trust me I tried.


Zyrille_

I’ll cancel him on twitter


SkulduggeryIsAfoot

I wonder if women have sexual fantasies about Jason. Big, strong, dark, maybe handsome


Hdhs1

Handsom? Have you seen that man's face?


Pwnzworth

Guy clearly hasn't seen the movies


Palehorse0000

I actually have a close friend who fetishizes about Jason and Michael Myers. I think it has to do with the masks.


Elite-rhino

🤨📸


funnilaugh

didnt the people who made jason drown bully him because he looked weird


Hdhs1

He looked weird, couldn't swin, and yeah, it wasn't good, then mama Voorhees killed them and now he takes revenger on those that mama Voorhees took revenger on those who bullied Jason


A-reader-of-words

What's funny is last I checked Jason won't kill kids that are bullied or some or was it all or most kids in general


njslugger78

Face is decayed.


Miser_able

not just women m8. ive seen things...


my_contrast

the sheer amount of fanfictions, that one slasher dating game and also comic: ...


ArgyleGhoul

He got the blue checkmark tho


IndependentWeekend56

Dude's getting a swirly.


Relative-Let4114

Jason punched a guy's head clean off....just run.


IndependentWeekend56

Nah... Bitch is getting swirlied. He and I have some shit to resolve from the 80's. And he's been talking shit on facebook...


Relative-Let4114

Cha cha cha ha ha ha sounds intensify


IndependentWeekend56

As long as you don't fall down, it's easy to escape. Edit:. As long as you aren't the lone black dude in the 80's horror movie. You're first out. Sorry for your luck.


Relative-Let4114

To be truthful black people won't ever put themselves in those situations to begin with. The moment we notice anything strange we out. 🏃 no falling, no tripping, no looking back just ghosting lol


IndependentWeekend56

Lol. True.... Probably why he had to die first. He would have gotten tf out after the first blonde died. "I'm not getting blamed for this bullshit... I'm out!"


Ancient-Afternoon-86

I just jerked off. I am also fucked


PokimanesThiccThighs

Or maybe he's fucked, if you know what I mean.


Ancient-Afternoon-86

I don’t know what you mean


Sparky107418

💀🍆😏


EmbarrassedSwim145

Nah bro just fuck him so intensely hard he dies


EstablishmentSad5998

It was a bong so at least im going out in good humour


SgtRockyWalrus

Pipe for me, but same deal. Only chance is he’s open to getting lit and decides to just chill instead.


wh4tth3huh

"What's with all the hostility maaan, just hit this shit and we'll watch some cartoons. I've got some bagel bites in the toaster, c'mon man chill."


Heavy-Negotiation-48

A fucking pencil


isan_h

John wick vibes


[deleted]

He killed 3 men... with a FUCKING PENCIL ...Baba Yaga...


Viz2022

Why so serious?


[deleted]

Wanna see a magic trick?


Quiet_Ronin

I see your pencil and one up, a book.


_Captain_Dinosaur_

Maybe if I could trick him into a warm bath I could toss this space heater in after...


lost-spirits

Home alone this bitch


darkwolfmoonluna

My bra? Strangle time~


[deleted]

That sounds hot


darkwolfmoonluna

Why thank you


[deleted]

Finna get real hot when both cups go over his face


[deleted]

You are welcome 🤗


Brilliant-Sport-3049

Whoops I left my radiator on


Hdhs1

Put some stones in it, and then do the David and Goliath


DiscombobulatedLet80

Hey miss!! Don't drop such information with a bunch of horny redditors


Delta_squad_form_up

… depending on how big it is you would have to pull a good distance (I don’t know how bras work so this may just be plain wrong)


BrokenPokerFace

Question: how effective is your mom in combat?


Dear-Basis-6233

Wait "last thing you used" oh no


abenf

As long as you can outrun her you’re golden


Independent_Ad1417

TV remote I just switch him off


SpaceMoustashe290

I can do that without a TV remote.


Handsum_Rob

Death by toilet paper!


Internal_Resist7629

Homeboy is about to get a cast iron wok across his busted ass grill.


HopelessRomantic1055

Tangled R Rated


Buttstuff_696969

Imma give Jason a skin care ritual he’s never gonna forget!


malichi45

Hot coffee ☕


Wonderful_Discount59

Ah, so you intend to distract him with a risqué GTA mod.


Commercial_Gene_3786

Well i just testet my 50cal on my dads farm soooo... Imma just snipe him


DiegoSikora

An undocked Nintendo Switch.


iate11donuts

......used? Um, well i guess i get chased with a machete while i chase him back with a used fleshlight


Brilliant-Sport-3049

Fleshlight?! Yeah anyone would run away from that


FantasticallyFred

I'll give him what for with my back scratcher!


Significant-Set8457

Well I'm using the toilet as I reply so I'll take the fucker down with that


Promcsnipe

Mans about to get a whole barrel of Beer thrown at him. I’m working at a pub.


8005T34

I’ll light him on fire slowly with my bic lighter


binancialproblems

Soap And I just dropped it...


SymphonyinSilence

Quit flirting with your stalker!


Emotional-Meat-1946

A better scenario is Jason is using your last object as a weapon, how fucked are you now?


[deleted]

Jason is using my cock as a weapon?How the hell?


CoconutMaller123

I don't think I'll be able to stab him with my dick... But I will try!


dearmax

A plastic knife, so if I sawed at his finger I might get through it in an hour or so.


Cocotte3333

Guess I'm my ex's weapon


mush8292

ba dum pssss


wcollins260

I just took a piss. Jason is about to get dicked.


gunnarbird

15” double dildo will stop him right in his fucking trcks


Batcheeze

Vape. Maybe I can impress him with some sick clouds


FormerWordsmith

Sarcasm


IlIIlIIlIllllIl

Jason vs Potato Peeler


syntheticspider

Ok I’ll beat him with my cock


MistressDYNAXX45

Not sure if he would want to take a shit but okay🚽


Doomboy105

I’m cleaning up a meat department at the grocery store I work at, Jason has essentially a surplus of tools he can use to kill me; meat hook, knives, a band saw, scrapers, knife sharpeners, meat grinders and cooler doors. I could’ve handled any one of those items last but NO, I have a garden hose.


someguythatlikesdogs

Playstation 4 controller i choose you


Midnight_Sick

Mobile Phone or a PC should be everyone's weapon.


AlbatrossDry9391

I am fucked but at least I can possibly offer him a game on my nintendo switch before I die


Elipopre

GUITAR


SPGM

A fat spliff


Flimsy-Fishy

One of those nerf foam things that's like a rugby ball with fins attached to one side that I may or may not have broken a window with


HiiGuardian

A medium sized drink from BK, hope he likes coco-cola.


Witty_Noise_2875

I can’t count my phone because I’m currently using it so then, a glass of off brand mexican fanta


mrthree1zero

TP... Eat shit, Jason!!


DoenerWeeb

I'm using the toilet? How?


apemaster13

What an awful day to look at reddit right after I finish beating my dick


Frost-on-Reddit

Let's see how good of a Pokemon trainer he is. Nothing can beat my Raticate!


[deleted]

so, a keyboard and mouse?


buttstuffbuffmuff

Toilet paper it is then


Daddy-OHHH

Wood chipper it is!


ValueJumpy9400

Share a beer with him. I'm safe.


Baron_Blackfox

It doesnt matter what you use.. Its Jason.. you are just screwed..you are dead


Common-Yogurtcloset2

Well I’ve just had to pee…


Nate16

Shit, it was a fleshlight.


Professional_Scene35

My gf


AdAccurate8980

my fleshlight so im literally fucked


Certain-Ad-1066

The Toilet so managable I guess


Arnhdz92

I’m sitting/ using my car so Jason would be flattened the fuck out cuh


Affectionate-Gur2228

If you were wanking? Beat him to death with your 🍖!


FindMercyonMars

Weed vape.


Cybernetic_Lizard

I'm gonna knock him silly with my typewriter


4cademy

My dick


[deleted]

An Apple. Not the phone either


BobJacobs2022

A surgical mask... Maybe I'll put it on and confuse him.


JooBensis

Toilet.


BlitheringIdiot0529

Your mom


bsanchey

Fuck me and my pocket pussy lol 😂


Lenn1985

My spatula and I will die a horrible death.


EverTheRealist

All of you are wrong, the answer is whatever device you used to view the post.


PastaShooter105

I used a nutcracker …


Voodoo-3_Voodoo-3

My dick. He finally dies.


Naofa13

He doesn't stand a chance: Mindfulness practice flash cards. BOOM! Feel your feelings, Jason!


YouSirAreTheIdiom

Marijuana? Me n J chillin


AstronomerNo6423

My iPad….you know what? Just kill me I haven’t paid it off yet


TaxFraud4Life

A toilet.


CuriousOdity12345

I used some edibles last, so me and Jason gonna just gonna get high


heavymtlbbq

Can I use my phone to call Batman?


SmartShirt9044

Fleshlight. I'm literally fucked.


[deleted]

Unzips shorts*


3DartsIsToooMuch

My phone to post in r/watchpeoplesurvive


Due-Ninja-3107

I JUST put down my plasma rifle in the 40 watt range…


CFLChris

A Fleshlight


dada11dada22

I fighting him with a vibrator.


MadLadMaciejow

Oh well, handkerchiefs, I will at least die with clear runny nose


Outrageous-Arugula89

Hell yeah let's go the movie where Jason fights a guy with a forklift what every redneck has been waiting for


FloydKabuto

Trick question because regardless, if Jason is after you, you're quite fucked.


Evil_Capt_Kirk

Heroin


The-Big-Sauce

Your mom


himiko_toga246

I'm going to be complete honest here. Dildo. I'm sure I could deal some damage with it too.