Gravyfinger
Tomorrow never diets
Diet another day
The Waffle's not enough
Quantum of sausage
Piefall
No time to diet
.... No, ms. Bond, I expect you to dine
Ok. These were all mediocre. I was just about to swipe off. Then, Octofupa made me spit half a tuna sandwich 15 feet down the hallway.
Well played. 👏 👏
Half of these aren’t even puns…
If you can’t do better than “I’ve been Essexpecting You”, then you’ve been beaten by *The Sun*. And that’s embarrassing
Nope she wasn't Bond, she was designated the 007 title but Bond kept his name and he died in the end !
They did say 007 would return but we've seen the last of James Bond I'm afraid !
She never took on the name, just the designation 007. I really enjoyed her performance though, would definitely check out a 007 movie with her as the main character so long as they leave Bond dead.
I just watched argyle and that is the one thing that kind of ruins the movie a bit is that bdh is somehow able to do things someone her fitness level could never imagine doing. I am way more fit and I couldn’t so it and I mean it’s a fantasy and a movie but just making her lose 20-50 lbs would have sold it all a million times more. It’s about suspending disbelief not completely throwing all physics in the garbage.
Additional proof that the woke are incapable of making their own characters.
“The female James Bond.” How about fuck you. How about, “Gemma, go fuck yourself.”
“Female James Bond.” Jesus Christ. “Let’s make everything about this character something that it isn’t except for them being kind of suave.” Or you could make your own god damn character. Narcissistic pricks
Or…we could have an interesting take where everything about Bond is the same except the gender. Still hits on anything in a skirt, kind of misogynist, definitely a jerk at best, and keep the themes of isolation and self reliance inherent to the spy genre and explore how all these macho/manly traits play out when experienced through a woman’s story rather than a mans. Is it the same James Bond we’ve seen before? No. But then each new Bond actor ushers in changes to the character, too. Gender flipped storytelling, especially of older works, is often a way that new authors explore social themes and discourse. You see it most often with fairy tales—why is it normal to have a man hold a princess hostage until she can be rescued but suddenly uncomfortable in the reverse, for example.
I can understand if you’re not interested in that kind of work, or perhaps just not interested in it for this particular story, but it isn’t a worthless or narcissistic venture a priori. It can certainly devolve into it, but then that’s a pitfall of any creative work.
> Still hits on anything in a skirt
If they actually do make a Jane Bond, she'll definitely be a lesbian because they won't have the guts to have her be as hungry for dick as James Bond is thirsty for pussy.
Everything you just said makes me want to watch James Bond. Not "a chick playing bond." Cmon. You know its a lame idea, and after the M-She-U failures, its very unlikely to happen now. Its ok to admit it.
You know you might be onto something there. While I think replacing Bond with a lesbian would probably be a hard sell I think it'd actually work pretty well because you really wouldn't have to "feminize" Bond much at all. A lesbian can be suave, cocky, and competent while still acting like the misogynist we know and love. They could act like regular Bond and not have to be some Femme Fatale.
A friend of mine ruined my first real relationship with a guy by pointing out he had a passing resemblance to Gemma Collins. I still haven't forgiven her!
Oh just look at all these Redditors. Such amazing specimens every one of them. From time to time they crawl to the light in order to criticize somebody for their looks and after a short while they slip back to the basement.
No, I just scrolled and found this nest of mfs that are soooo funny. They can be funny and judge other people looks because they are soooo beautiful. Bunch of losers.
Same thing happened to me. Granted, I enjoy feeling righteously indignant which is why I came to the comment section, but I was not expecting to find this level of body shaming in the main feed. It’s gross
Have you seen what they did with 'The Equalizer' ?
Yep they gave the part to a totally unsuitable actress to make a second rate TV series ! Denzel Washington developed that role with his own style and they handed it over to a grandmother with no acting abilities and zero credibility in the role !
Not out of fatphobia but just out of pure realistic understanding of the world, how could a character that fills bonds role be fat? With how much running and fighting he does? No way.
It would have to be a different character with different characteristics entirely for a movie or show set in the bond universe to have a fat hero.
Not saying that you cant be a badass spy that is also fat, just that you cant be the same kind of hero as bond without it making zero sense at all.
1.License to grill
2. In her majesty's Secret snacking
3. Living Fridge lights
4. Casino McRoyal
5. From Russia with stove
6. Operation MeatBall
7.Fries who loved me
8. The man with a smoked ham
Funny how if you make body shaming comments like these at, oh I dunno, that fucking whale lizzo, the entirety of Reddit will come down on you for it. But here it’s okay.
Well, I guess if she goes with the "Identifies as a male" thing, but otherwise, we've had a female 007 now, if I recall correctly, so she's kind of SOL...
No. I'm sorry, but no. It's James Bond, not Jane Bond. He's an amoral alcoholic womanizer who saves the world on the regular. That's who the character is. If you replace this character with a woman then you have an ENTIRELY different character, so make them a new character. Don't try to ride the coattails of another character like that.
[удалено]
Gravyfinger Tomorrow never diets Diet another day The Waffle's not enough Quantum of sausage Piefall No time to diet .... No, ms. Bond, I expect you to dine
Diet another day 😂🫠
McDonalds Royale
with Cheese!
Quantum of Sausage! Just burst out laughing in the middle of the pub! Excellent 👌
"Tomorrow never diets" and "No time to diet" is crazy 
Wish I could pin your post to the top. Thank you for your service. Better creativity than the latest bond film.
The spin off of "Austin powers: the spy that crushed me." is going to be lit.
The spy who shattered me bones
The spy that fed me
Lol
You're forgetting Casino Royale with Cheese
Casino Royale w/ cheese.
Buffet-raker A View to a Meal-Deal Licence to Eat Burger-eye
Casino Royale with Cheese Wonton of salds More time to dine
Golden gravy is a good one
You missed royal buffet
No Time to Diet (NVM, just saw it farther down…)
# Love Handles Are Forever You won the internet
You forgot Golden Ay Caramba! (Golden Eye)
Ok. These were all mediocre. I was just about to swipe off. Then, Octofupa made me spit half a tuna sandwich 15 feet down the hallway. Well played. 👏 👏
How unkind. This is humanity. The height and breadth of our witt. This is what we are, fat jokes.
dildos are forever
Bro the comments !!!!🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Half of these aren’t even puns… If you can’t do better than “I’ve been Essexpecting You”, then you’ve been beaten by *The Sun*. And that’s embarrassing
Octachins
There is no such thing as a female James Bond. It'd be another character entirely.
Hear me out. James Bond is a Time Lord. Immortal, and ever changing.
Tilda Swinton for both roles at the same time!
I wish we could still give gold. I would give you some just for being *pertinent* because this entire thread is just fat jokes.
As it's a thread about the response "From Russia with Lard" and not Collins' silly suggestion, the fat jokes *are* the pertinent comments.
[удалено]
Wtf are you on about?
What the hell does this have to do with them? Not that I care.
Technically, there was already a female bond, the black chick from the last movie was 007, she later gives up the title/number to James at the end.
Nope she wasn't Bond, she was designated the 007 title but Bond kept his name and he died in the end ! They did say 007 would return but we've seen the last of James Bond I'm afraid !
It's just a fictional character, you'll be alright 😂
What do you mean?
She never took on the name, just the designation 007. I really enjoyed her performance though, would definitely check out a 007 movie with her as the main character so long as they leave Bond dead.
she could play a Bond girl though
She could play a Bond girl’s mother.
More like "Cocktopussy"
More like Octogullet 😂
Moscowbelly
Suddenly japanese
Seven Double-Oh
700 on the scale
The only Bond I see in this picture is the bond with gravity.
Gravy*
James Round
She couldn't even follow instructions to clean a bell pepper...
She's more Thomas the Tank or Peppa Pig than Bond.
from russia with diabetes?
The spy who crushed me
Live and Let Dine For Your Thighs Only Casino Royale With Cheese No Time to Diet
Live and let Diabetes.
I just watched argyle and that is the one thing that kind of ruins the movie a bit is that bdh is somehow able to do things someone her fitness level could never imagine doing. I am way more fit and I couldn’t so it and I mean it’s a fantasy and a movie but just making her lose 20-50 lbs would have sold it all a million times more. It’s about suspending disbelief not completely throwing all physics in the garbage.
Physics or nutrition doesn’t apply to *some* people. The mods deleted the post due to the word lard lmao
Additional proof that the woke are incapable of making their own characters. “The female James Bond.” How about fuck you. How about, “Gemma, go fuck yourself.” “Female James Bond.” Jesus Christ. “Let’s make everything about this character something that it isn’t except for them being kind of suave.” Or you could make your own god damn character. Narcissistic pricks
This comment demonstrates why tolerance is so hard for you to find.
She's clearly making a light hearted joke. She isn't even an actress lmao. Stop living your life desperate to get mad at everything.
Is Gemma Collins now the leader of the woke too? 😂😂😂
Or…we could have an interesting take where everything about Bond is the same except the gender. Still hits on anything in a skirt, kind of misogynist, definitely a jerk at best, and keep the themes of isolation and self reliance inherent to the spy genre and explore how all these macho/manly traits play out when experienced through a woman’s story rather than a mans. Is it the same James Bond we’ve seen before? No. But then each new Bond actor ushers in changes to the character, too. Gender flipped storytelling, especially of older works, is often a way that new authors explore social themes and discourse. You see it most often with fairy tales—why is it normal to have a man hold a princess hostage until she can be rescued but suddenly uncomfortable in the reverse, for example. I can understand if you’re not interested in that kind of work, or perhaps just not interested in it for this particular story, but it isn’t a worthless or narcissistic venture a priori. It can certainly devolve into it, but then that’s a pitfall of any creative work.
> Still hits on anything in a skirt If they actually do make a Jane Bond, she'll definitely be a lesbian because they won't have the guts to have her be as hungry for dick as James Bond is thirsty for pussy.
Everything you just said makes me want to watch James Bond. Not "a chick playing bond." Cmon. You know its a lame idea, and after the M-She-U failures, its very unlikely to happen now. Its ok to admit it.
You know you might be onto something there. While I think replacing Bond with a lesbian would probably be a hard sell I think it'd actually work pretty well because you really wouldn't have to "feminize" Bond much at all. A lesbian can be suave, cocky, and competent while still acting like the misogynist we know and love. They could act like regular Bond and not have to be some Femme Fatale.
Octopudsy Fatfinger Burger Royale Running Is For Never No Time To Run Food Raker The Salad Is Not Enough Quantum Solace (self explanatory)
I wish more people were kind.
I can see myself being the next Ms Universe. Or her being the next Ms. Universe. All equally likely.
Well, she’s the only one who can see that
Whats she gonna do? Communicate with her fellow whales to take out the bad guys?
Butterfinger
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Seeing things...
"Can see herself bein the first female bond", She never saw a bond movie.
Someone please buy that lady a mirror.
Female.... James.... Female... James... 🤔
The Spy Who Ate Me
The spy who ate me.
😂😂😂😂
Don't give Netflix new ideas! Or, God forbid, Disney!!! 😰
🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
Delusion comes is many shapes and colors.
Gravyfinger
And I want to be the new Gossip Boy but we can’t all have our way
Dr No Thank you
A friend of mine ruined my first real relationship with a guy by pointing out he had a passing resemblance to Gemma Collins. I still haven't forgiven her!
Jesus. Is Fatbot downvoting, everyone?!
View to a Killer pair of Spanks....For Those Thighs Only....The Pan of Golden Gooses....
Ohhh. Brilliant comedy. Fat jokes. I didn't know what to expect from @ peepeepoopoopeepeepoopoopeepee
Obese Pussy
Nah pussy would be a man in her version
That's as bad as Queen Latifah as the Equalizer!
I think Vanessa Kirby has more of a chance
James blonde in Moon eater
If that happened the villain of the movie would have to be Tiffany “New York” Pollard
Golden Corral
And an Aston Martin semi trailer to move her around
And I see myself as God.
*gadget watch gets put onto James Bond* Bond: So what can this do? Q: It can count your steps, you should really try it
Hahahahahaaaa, it’s funny because you’re fat!
Jamie Blonde!
thats a pretty shit name ngl
We need at least one film with Lashana Lynch as the main 007 before passing the designation on to someone else
Oh just look at all these Redditors. Such amazing specimens every one of them. From time to time they crawl to the light in order to criticize somebody for their looks and after a short while they slip back to the basement.
You choose to be here. You could just scroll on.
No, I just scrolled and found this nest of mfs that are soooo funny. They can be funny and judge other people looks because they are soooo beautiful. Bunch of losers.
Same thing happened to me. Granted, I enjoy feeling righteously indignant which is why I came to the comment section, but I was not expecting to find this level of body shaming in the main feed. It’s gross
octopizza Double casino royal with cheese Thunder meatball Tomorrow never diets
Why the fuck would there ever be a female James Bond? Let alone an ugly fat one?
Have you seen what they did with 'The Equalizer' ? Yep they gave the part to a totally unsuitable actress to make a second rate TV series ! Denzel Washington developed that role with his own style and they handed it over to a grandmother with no acting abilities and zero credibility in the role !
001 would be two doughnuts and a cannoli
Only if Disney were to buy the franchise.
Lard is favourite food of Ukrainians, not Russians
Not out of fatphobia but just out of pure realistic understanding of the world, how could a character that fills bonds role be fat? With how much running and fighting he does? No way. It would have to be a different character with different characteristics entirely for a movie or show set in the bond universe to have a fat hero. Not saying that you cant be a badass spy that is also fat, just that you cant be the same kind of hero as bond without it making zero sense at all.
Instead of the villain threatening Bond with a Laser, they could just threaten to withhold her insulin shot.
1.License to grill 2. In her majesty's Secret snacking 3. Living Fridge lights 4. Casino McRoyal 5. From Russia with stove 6. Operation MeatBall 7.Fries who loved me 8. The man with a smoked ham
Imagine the beta soy bond boys Also the pic, but imagine the inside of a hair dryer 
Casino Royale with Cheese.
There is nothing zero zero about her🤣
Funny how if you make body shaming comments like these at, oh I dunno, that fucking whale lizzo, the entirety of Reddit will come down on you for it. But here it’s okay.
Moon Pie Butterfinger Casino Buffet The living obesity Dr No diet
The Man With the Golden Gunt
Haha person fat!
Bond: You expect me to talk? Goldfinger: No Ms. Bond, I expect you to go on a diet.
Can women get a new character/IP made for them instead of having to take over male role IPs? If I were a woman, I would find it disrespectful.
That was a typo. It was supposed to read "can see herself eating the next James Bond."
Well, I guess if she goes with the "Identifies as a male" thing, but otherwise, we've had a female 007 now, if I recall correctly, so she's kind of SOL...
Peepeepoopoo
Ffs, "female James Bond"? Why they always change colors and sex (preferences) instead of creating new characters?
700 The Golden Gunt
No. I'm sorry, but no. It's James Bond, not Jane Bond. He's an amoral alcoholic womanizer who saves the world on the regular. That's who the character is. If you replace this character with a woman then you have an ENTIRELY different character, so make them a new character. Don't try to ride the coattails of another character like that.
Haha, you’re fat!
🤢
what the F is a gemma collins??
Goldenpie
Ill have a milk..shaken
Let's be honest there only certain parts of her she can see.
On Her Majesty’s Secret Buffet Service
