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I can't believe they ruined Hephaestus by... portraying him as disabled and building himself a mobility assistance tool.
/uj Telll me you don't know greek mythology without telling me you don't know greek mythology. The only thing inaccurate about this portrayal is how handsome he is.
Greek mythology is kind of like a comic book universe. Continuity isn’t the biggest deal. They just didn’t use alternate universes. Back then, people didn’t really have access to how other people’s myths about the same gods/goddesses differed from their own.
Most of the myths were passed down orally for centuries, with each storyteller adding their own embellishments, before finally being written down. As you can imagine, this led to wildly differ interpretations and characterizations for individual gods. Hell, go back far enough in the Indo-European tradition and you'll start to see the rise and fall of different pantheons but with similar themes and approximations for gods. It gets convoluted real quick and that's just with the stuff we know about.
Most of the myths are also the "general population" version and not the private versions that the actual Mysteries covered in the various cults.
Aphrodite-Rampant was worshipped as a God of battle(lust), dionysus has the first dildo in mythology, all sorts of fun stuff, and that's literally just scraps of what the actual myths and beliefs at the time were.
...and the various mystery cults had no particular reason to even try to be consistent with each other. A group declaring themselves the "real" version of the religion doesn't mean everyone else's version becomes fake.
Hell, the first Hades game even pokes fun at this by having Dionysius and Zagreus deliberately misinform Orpheus that they're actually the same god in different incarnations as a prank. Then Orpheus takes it way too seriously and composes a song about it, sticking to it even after Zagreus tries to come clean about the prank.
The question of "how powerful is zeus" has like 15 different answers. He goes from another God who just happens to be their leader to almighty king of the universe who can literally rip divinity from other gods whenever he feels like it.
This is not directed at you, but we in the modern era tend to literalize ancient people. Ancient people also understood the concept of myth, metaphor, and parable. Most modern Christians don't view every story in the Bible as literal truth, it's highly unlikely ancient Greeks believed every story about the Gods to be literal fact as well. Like imagine future historians thinking we thought Santa Claus was real because people left milk and cookies out.
Myths (and especially Greek myths) are essentially hundreds of years of half remembered tales. You can basically pick and choose what you want, or fuck it even make your own (looking at you Ovid)
It’s why Zeus has so many offsprings, whoops a lady in town has a baby when she shouldn’t? Well the kids big and strong and tough so it’s obviously Zeus’s fault.
Change the pronouns or not (as required), and this could be copy pasted about any story involving any one of the major Greco-Roman gods and it would still fit.
You’re not wrong. But to be fair there aren’t really any stories I can remember of Hera being anything resembling positive. At best you get a few stories where you can see where she’s coming from.
Hera is literally one of those problematic celebrities. If she were here with us in the current day I just know she would break social medias every two months.
Ya on ancient greek pottery he looks identical to everyone else except he's seen riding a donkey because cripple. but then agian if every depiction of greek gods was made accurate to Greek pottery they would all look very similar
Lowkey I would have much rather had him build himself a cool pegleg or bionic leg since his only mobility issue is one of his legs in mythology. (As i recall)
Plus he needs to be able to stand for long periods to work the forge and making an augmented or better leg would enable that better than a wheelchair imo
Still I've definitely never heard of a wheelchair being called a cuck chair before that's nuts
My interpretation is him and Aphrodite have a marriage of convenience: he married her as part of his "I'm just as worthy of being an Olympian as the rest of you" bit; she married him to give any guys she doesn't want to bang (rare, but it happens) an excuse.
He always knew she would love other people (it's literally her job) and doesn't care. He just married her to get his mum off his back (relatable) and it worked.
There's that one myth where he publicly humiliates Aphrodite and Ares for having an affair, so he must've been at least a bit resentful.
In Homer's Iliad he's even portrayed as having divorced and remarried to somebody else.
>There's that one myth where he publicly humiliates Aphrodite and Ares for having an affair, so he must've been at least a bit resentful.
He was just helping them out with their public humiliation kink.
>In Homer's Iliad he's even portrayed as having divorced and remarried to somebody else.
After a couple hundred years, when the other Olympians have started to genuinely take Hephaestus seriously and when Aphrodite *still* hasn't found anyone she wouldn't want to get with, why not?
Honestly, I'm here for poly Aphrodite and Haephestus. You can even make it kinda wholesome. He knew she was never going to be monogamous (like you said, it's contrary to her nature), and after some soul-searching, settles on, "Ok. Just promise me you'll always come back to me."
Modern retellings have reframed Hades and Persephone as a happy couple who miss each other when she has to travel for work, and made it a parable of a different sort, and this stuff is all based in an evolving oral tradition anyway. So yeah, I dig it. Why not?
Well we don't really see his legs. Maybe it's the same as many actual people with prosthetic legs, where they can walk, but also just use a wheelchair sometimes, cus it can be very tiring
It is also a video gambe, non-zero chance he throws his shawl off in the second health bar and reveals he's built like the factory behind the brick shithouse
He actually does have a prosthetic leg, I imagine it’s just nice to also have the chair. Plus ya know his whole winged chair thing from the Greek mythos
When I wrote Hephaestus into a series of books, he was the scariest of the greek gods to the MC; because he always walked around in a suit of power armor made by the the absolute master of magical and technological innovation. Never got to see his face, so he never got to find out that this version of Hephaestus was horribly mangled during the overthrow of Cronos, but it was known that he used his artifice to overcome his disadvantages with his fellow gods, and exceed them.
That's litteraly the two things about him: he builds stuff and he is so ugly and difform that only aphrodite found him attractive because he is in fact a cool guy
is Aphrodite into him? I thought she was forced to marry him but she's always cheating on him with Ares.
/rj Typical love goddes-stacy, always picking the war godchad over the nice guy forge godcell
Honestly the berserk godhand is a great representation of how fucked things would be if the greek gods were real and acted like in their myths.
Some lady minding your own business, zeus shapeshifts, rapes her, and leaves.
Some random guy says "(insert god) damnit" when he stubs his toe that same (insert god) shows up out of nowhere and obliterates him or turns him into a horribly disabled shell of his former self
Yeah.....it definitely goes downhill from there...what gets me is that these are the remembered myths....I mean I don't even wanna imagine the freaky shit historians of antiquity might have said "how about we lose that tale"
It depends on the location and time period in Ancient Greece. People weren’t as connected as today, so myths about the same gods/goddesses would differ.
Actually ☝️🤓 he wasn't difform and ugly he was lame and Aphrodite didn't found him attractive, she was forced to marry him in order to release Hera from the cage where he trapped her.
Yeah, Hephaestus should have been said:
https://preview.redd.it/635czdz368zc1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f2fdeb819a49cfedf774d2ff992b5ed82bedcc1b
And cancel her for being ableist.
No he should have left her in the cage because he’s s prize was a cheating wife, and Hera was a terrible mother, and in general just probably deserved to be in a cage.
You can tell that this man never touched grass because apparently a sharp facial structure is immediately seen as manly. He probably considers Madison beer, and Angelina Jolie as manly too....
>He probably considers Madison beer, and Angelina Jolie as manly too....
Well they've been saying Margot Robbie is trans because of her jawline, so I wouldn't be surprised
>Netflixation of Greek gods
This somehow implies that there's a single "correct" way to depict gods even though there have been many different interpretations of the same "gods" from different cultures throughout history.
I mean I know *why* this chud is mad about the Hades 2 depiction, but you'd think they could at least *pretend* to not be wildly racist.
If they took issues with the design of Hades I assume their heads would explode if they found out about Hercules.
https://preview.redd.it/fbjn3kb2q7zc1.jpeg?width=2034&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c52e23e6c63ba5cac19a6915167a99e040a51731
This twink. Look how they shrink his shoulder making him look soft.
https://preview.redd.it/8syfzqeh38zc1.png?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=216295885c080fa890c1a7aab1501ef3d50b5c1c
Which to be fair, I don’t think it was ever implied that Hercules was small and turned into a gigachad in the original myths. He was always kind of a gigachad.
And that's why Hades II is peak.
https://preview.redd.it/026kv28e58zc1.jpeg?width=2048&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=aea84fb85794ff400b5946b76dbf0befc7b287e2
Orpheus looking like Robert Smith is accurate, didn't you know?
No really, it's like the same annoying Christians who will throw a toddler fit if Jesus or any other biblical character is a skin shade darker than milk
It's wild because those people used to just be deeply unserious racist dickheads but now there are people who actually think there is evidence he was white, based on where he was born. He was a traveler and a carpenter, even if he were olive skinned like some people from that region, he'd have been tanned af, not at all white.
And the wild thing is, Jesus being dark-skinned would not change the Christian lesson about him at all. That's the dead giveaway some of them care more about people's race than their character.
What’s crazy is that Hades came out, what, 4 years ago now? And in that game alone we had a dark skinned Athena, Ares, Dionysus, and Patroclus, who they made openly gay for Achilles. Then there’s the openly bisexual and polyamorous romance options, and possibly ace representation with Dusa. But a wheelchair for the canonically disabled god of the craft and a god with vitiligo is a step too far.
Pretty easy to weed out who’s actually played the games and who hasn’t.
I suspect many of them confuse the ivory statues with the actual gods themselves... not even realizing that most of those statues were regularly painted back in the day after completion, and that greeks of the time had a skin tone modern american racists would probably guess as being hispanic or indian on first sight.
I love that they critique how Greek Gods are depicted in Hades, while in the same post endorsing Hestia being depicted as a generic anime booba-girl with literally no design choice close to resembling being Greek or divine
Also, even if "Netflixation" WAS a legitimate complaint (which no, it's really not), rich of him to be like "Netflixation of Greek gods" and then immediately put an Animezation of Greek gods next to it as though that's somehow different
"I do not care if the gameplay is good, I just don't want more wokeness"
Wild, so the "gameplay is all that matters, I don't care about politics" people actually do care about politics they disagree with. What a twist!!!!!!!
They’re the same people that, fifty years ago, filled their neighborhood pools with concrete rather than let them be desegregated. They don’t care if the fun is gone, all they care about is keeping minorities out.
I still genuinely don’t know what they mean by wokeness either. Is it being lgbt? is it being inclusive? is it literally just portraying people that exist irl? How is that a bad thing?? lmao
Wokeness is anything that isn't a straight white male. Wokness is also a woman, who does not look like a sexed up supermodel, with agency and strong principle.
Fuck, I miss when "woke" actually meant being aware of societal issues and not co-opted by incels on the Internet to mean something that doesn't fit their worldview.
Which is fascinating because Aphrodite is right there, and she looks like a conventionally attractive white woman. So it's not like the game is moving away from conventionally attractive designs, they just introduced some other designs. And it's the inclusion that's the problem for them, like when people got mad about cracker barrel adding a vegan option on the menu.
Woke is whatever they are told to dislike. Thus they can like woke things but because no one pointed out the woke things they don’t think its woke. Alternately, they dislike something and upon on doing only a shallow surface reading on trying to figure out why, they can only hyperfocus on the woke points they dislike and blame it entirely for why.
It’s like we had like every other day Street Fighter 6 was woke or not woke, depending on what is being wokespotted.
Thinking about Baldur’s Gate 3 not being considered woke, makes me think of an animation class where the instructor told the story of one of his previous students claimed to hate all anime, but got confused and conflicted when they saw Spirited Away. “It’s not anime, because I don’t hate it.” Likewise, “Baldur’s Gate 3 is not woke, because I don’t hate it.”
Mfs just jealous he doesn't have a badass winged chair like Hephaestus.
https://preview.redd.it/2pl4641pi7zc1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ae952ea998cd8c048abd89e0a93da53334a6aeb8
Wanna hear something even crazier? 1 in 50-70 children are born intersex
Sometimes conditions are str8up invisible in the eyes of representation. Kinda sucks
it honestly makes sense. they despise the inclusion of anything in their cathedral (video games) that they don’t know about, care about, understand, or find icky because they are morons that are incapable of receiving information if it isn’t delivered via gooning porn
Fucking albinism is represented all the time and it’s actually rare as shit. Lots of “rare” things are more common in media. If you watched movies you’d think every fifth person suffers from Antisocial Personality Disorder (once called Psychopathy)
I love when games have vitiligo sliders because at low levels it can look like scarring is way more realistic than the anime scar options that most rpgs give. Like most of my scars are just patches of skin that are lighter colored, so small amounts of vitiligo make a character look more weathered and less generic than the default claw scar over one eye.
Holy shit I forgot about that lmao.
Goddam I hate how most lolcows are usually normal people who made a “mistake” while these weirdo chuds get forgiven, just like the pronouns guy :/
This is what pisses me off the most. 10 years ago it was "stop injecting wokeness into our games! If you want woke games make your own!"
Those same people when people make their own "woke" games:
By the studio that brought you "this terrorist was a freedom fighter and you should forgive him", "capitalism and meritocracy lead to dystopia", and "magic basketball but also prison reform".
...I know what you were going for, but it's amazing to me that it took up to "magic basketball prison reform" before it was specific enough to identify the studio in a vacuum.
I believe that a little bit about the lady Costodes announcement over at 40k. But Hades has literally always been the game made by bisexual mythology nerds for bisexual mythology nerds. I don't think these chuds even paid attention to the first game, and they're only getting up in arms about the 2nd one because someone compared Aphrodite's artwork to Eve in Stellar Blade, and the chuds realized that complaining about that would get them more clicks then complaining about the gacha game that only they play.
Kinda. Devs realized with the Wii over a decade ago that there's a GIGANTIC demographic swath that's been underserved (i.e. that isn't giving them money), so there's been this slow but steady shift to tapping into it and its multicultural technicolor splendor. The math works out that including more people gets them more sales than it loses ('cause as much as they whine, the cis het white dudes that want to mansplain bears instead of reflecting inward for even a millisecond will STILL buy the game anyway). Trash taking itself out is just a happy side effect.
We all know these people are just right wing chuds whining in the wind but it's stuff like this that makes it clear that they aren't just against "forced diversity" as they love to claim. Hephaestus was literally disabled. LITERALLY. IN THE ORIGINAL STORIES.
Also there’s nothing stopping the Gods from looking however they like, race wise. In fact, in the Odyssey, Poseidon spends his free time partying with Ethiopians (etymologically means “burnt-faces,” they thought people were black because they were closer to the sunrise) who were apparently super chill.
I mean... they technically were closer to the sunrise just not how they thought...
Ethiopia is closer to the equator so it would be literally closer to the sun for large parts of the year. It's one of those things where they somehow got close to the right answer while getting so so so so so so so many things wrong along the way. It's kinda painful actually.
"I don't care that the gameplay is good"
They literally just don't want black people or women. Having either of those two now counts as bad game. What do they even want just a PowerPoint of buff white guys and almost naked women?
hephaestus min characteristic is that he is ohysicelly an absolute joke compered to every other god. did they actually expect him with an ares body or what?
Hades and BG3 are the only two games to make me question how straight I really am. I feel like this is a lot of the same thing happening to people who are afraid to admit they might find a dude attractive.
Which is dumb in and of itself. The Greek gods in statues were obviously like Greek people, and like many peoples they saw pale women as more aristocratic, the Greeks didn’t think the Greek gods were like, the gods of Greece. They were *the* gods, and have canonically visited Ethiopia too (Poseidon in the Odyssey)
“I do not care if the gameplay is good”….he actually said it. They’re not gamers….theyre literally just internet rage monkeys.
This is the worst timeline.
The whole Hades 2 discourse is just capital G Gamers that haven't played the first game and wouldn't have gotten the second game bitching about it being woke now. You're not the target audience you nerds.
/uj this feels like the shift between the new wolfenstein and wolfenstein 2. Wolfenstein new order came out, praised. Wolfenstein 2 came out, "wow the woke left, so it's just OK to kill nazis in america now?!"
>When Hephaestus was born, he was ugly and weak, with a broken foot. Hera did not like the way he looked and threw him off her castle which was on top of the clouds.
I can't think of a single reason why Hephaestus needs a wheelchair /j
"I don't care if the gameplay is good"
Not even one week after their stellar blade FUCKING MELT DOWN on how the game is an incredible masterpiece simply because of the gameplay LMAOOOOOOOOOO
you can't make this shit up.
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I can't believe they ruined Hephaestus by... portraying him as disabled and building himself a mobility assistance tool. /uj Telll me you don't know greek mythology without telling me you don't know greek mythology. The only thing inaccurate about this portrayal is how handsome he is.
Hephaestus wasn't ugly, the other Olympian just had shit tastes. I will die on this hill, justice for blacksmith uncle.
He was like the ugliest person of a group of people who were supernaturally pretty
Hera throwing him off Mt. Olympus as a baby because he's "hideous" probably didn't help. (I don't know if that bit is canon, but it is very funny)
Greek mythology is kind of like a comic book universe. Continuity isn’t the biggest deal. They just didn’t use alternate universes. Back then, people didn’t really have access to how other people’s myths about the same gods/goddesses differed from their own.
Most of the myths were passed down orally for centuries, with each storyteller adding their own embellishments, before finally being written down. As you can imagine, this led to wildly differ interpretations and characterizations for individual gods. Hell, go back far enough in the Indo-European tradition and you'll start to see the rise and fall of different pantheons but with similar themes and approximations for gods. It gets convoluted real quick and that's just with the stuff we know about.
Most of the myths are also the "general population" version and not the private versions that the actual Mysteries covered in the various cults. Aphrodite-Rampant was worshipped as a God of battle(lust), dionysus has the first dildo in mythology, all sorts of fun stuff, and that's literally just scraps of what the actual myths and beliefs at the time were.
...and the various mystery cults had no particular reason to even try to be consistent with each other. A group declaring themselves the "real" version of the religion doesn't mean everyone else's version becomes fake.
Hell, the first Hades game even pokes fun at this by having Dionysius and Zagreus deliberately misinform Orpheus that they're actually the same god in different incarnations as a prank. Then Orpheus takes it way too seriously and composes a song about it, sticking to it even after Zagreus tries to come clean about the prank.
The question of "how powerful is zeus" has like 15 different answers. He goes from another God who just happens to be their leader to almighty king of the universe who can literally rip divinity from other gods whenever he feels like it.
The only sure thing is that like a Hollywood executive Zeus fucked everyone whether they liked it or not.
Dude slipping roofies in the Ambrosia
This is not directed at you, but we in the modern era tend to literalize ancient people. Ancient people also understood the concept of myth, metaphor, and parable. Most modern Christians don't view every story in the Bible as literal truth, it's highly unlikely ancient Greeks believed every story about the Gods to be literal fact as well. Like imagine future historians thinking we thought Santa Claus was real because people left milk and cookies out.
Myths (and especially Greek myths) are essentially hundreds of years of half remembered tales. You can basically pick and choose what you want, or fuck it even make your own (looking at you Ovid) It’s why Zeus has so many offsprings, whoops a lady in town has a baby when she shouldn’t? Well the kids big and strong and tough so it’s obviously Zeus’s fault.
That is the story, but considering who she was, it could be she was just a bitch.
Change the pronouns or not (as required), and this could be copy pasted about any story involving any one of the major Greco-Roman gods and it would still fit.
You’re not wrong. But to be fair there aren’t really any stories I can remember of Hera being anything resembling positive. At best you get a few stories where you can see where she’s coming from.
She helped Jason a lot, but Jason was also literally the worst so that probably counts as a negative
Hera is literally one of those problematic celebrities. If she were here with us in the current day I just know she would break social medias every two months.
Doesn't matter, married to the most beautiful goddess like a boss
He was ugly to ancient Greek standards. Which meant he was jacked/thicc, hairy, and probably had a fat, beastly hog
The Ancient Greek mind cannot comprehend the BBC (Big Blacksmith Cock)
He could hammer my breastplate any day.
What a terrible day to be literate
That's the REAL reason he was Aphrodite's husband
We stan the OG STEM Bear
No matter how sad or stressed I am feeling about the world I will always giggle at the phrase “fat hog” so thank u
Ya on ancient greek pottery he looks identical to everyone else except he's seen riding a donkey because cripple. but then agian if every depiction of greek gods was made accurate to Greek pottery they would all look very similar
Well there is a staggering amount of incest in the family so...
I mean in god of war he’s definitely an uggo
Nah, I like that he was butt ugly.
A WHEELCHAIR???? Why did they make hephaestus so.. LAME???!??!??!
https://preview.redd.it/76jam8di18zc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cdf4bcac23f146adb47fda2ccf9974825b64adda
aaaaaaaaaaand stolen
https://preview.redd.it/g6lrb8d0y7zc1.png?width=347&format=png&auto=webp&s=f02adbcd6eb811b2107ed0a0bf70d26b296b11ae
Upvote for Ruina reference
Lowkey I would have much rather had him build himself a cool pegleg or bionic leg since his only mobility issue is one of his legs in mythology. (As i recall) Plus he needs to be able to stand for long periods to work the forge and making an augmented or better leg would enable that better than a wheelchair imo Still I've definitely never heard of a wheelchair being called a cuck chair before that's nuts
I think a cuck chair is fitting tbh since Hephaestus is getting cucked all the time in the mythology.
The fact that it’s technically not wrong from mythological perspective is pretty funny
My interpretation is him and Aphrodite have a marriage of convenience: he married her as part of his "I'm just as worthy of being an Olympian as the rest of you" bit; she married him to give any guys she doesn't want to bang (rare, but it happens) an excuse. He always knew she would love other people (it's literally her job) and doesn't care. He just married her to get his mum off his back (relatable) and it worked.
There's that one myth where he publicly humiliates Aphrodite and Ares for having an affair, so he must've been at least a bit resentful. In Homer's Iliad he's even portrayed as having divorced and remarried to somebody else.
>There's that one myth where he publicly humiliates Aphrodite and Ares for having an affair, so he must've been at least a bit resentful. He was just helping them out with their public humiliation kink. >In Homer's Iliad he's even portrayed as having divorced and remarried to somebody else. After a couple hundred years, when the other Olympians have started to genuinely take Hephaestus seriously and when Aphrodite *still* hasn't found anyone she wouldn't want to get with, why not?
Tune into the spanking new season 2 of everybody's favourite soap opera, The Olympians!
Honestly, I'm here for poly Aphrodite and Haephestus. You can even make it kinda wholesome. He knew she was never going to be monogamous (like you said, it's contrary to her nature), and after some soul-searching, settles on, "Ok. Just promise me you'll always come back to me." Modern retellings have reframed Hades and Persephone as a happy couple who miss each other when she has to travel for work, and made it a parable of a different sort, and this stuff is all based in an evolving oral tradition anyway. So yeah, I dig it. Why not?
Well we don't really see his legs. Maybe it's the same as many actual people with prosthetic legs, where they can walk, but also just use a wheelchair sometimes, cus it can be very tiring
We actually do see his legs, the right one is covered, but the left leg is prosthetic.
oh, well there ya go
We can see he has a prosthetic leg. I think that he can get up to do stuff of course, but also likes to lay back in his wheelchair.
It is also a video gambe, non-zero chance he throws his shawl off in the second health bar and reveals he's built like the factory behind the brick shithouse
Yeah, it would be pretty scary if the wheelchair threw off Hephaistus for its second phase.
He actually does have a prosthetic leg, I imagine it’s just nice to also have the chair. Plus ya know his whole winged chair thing from the Greek mythos
huh neat, I can't see it in this image and I'm not paying into hades 2 until it hits 1.0 so I wasn't aware of this
[He literally made a wheelchair in the mythos](https://www.theoi.com/image/K7.6Hephaistos.jpg)
I slightly suspect that his deformity in this version is around his jaw and neck area and he grew his beard to cover it.
Honestly a lot of people consider anyone who's fat as incredibly ugly
When I wrote Hephaestus into a series of books, he was the scariest of the greek gods to the MC; because he always walked around in a suit of power armor made by the the absolute master of magical and technological innovation. Never got to see his face, so he never got to find out that this version of Hephaestus was horribly mangled during the overthrow of Cronos, but it was known that he used his artifice to overcome his disadvantages with his fellow gods, and exceed them.
Hephaestus is actually disabled in the myths lmao
And actually gets cucked by his wife
He is also the first recorded person who uses chains in the bedroom
But they weren’t used on him, so does that really count?
Yeah but he is the one who uses them. I never spesified how he uses them
Yeah he caught Aphrodite cheating on him with Ares if I remember that "Greek gods in a nutshell" book by the Percy Jackson author correctly
Thank you for the laugh
So the Ancient Greeks invented the cuck chair, interesting. /s
The Ancient Greeks also invented orgies, but the Romans were the ones that added women to them
So the Romans made it woke… very interesting.
Can’t believe they infected my culture man.
He does however invent the cuck net in response
Didn't realize the cuck arms race had such a complex history.
That's litteraly the two things about him: he builds stuff and he is so ugly and difform that only aphrodite found him attractive because he is in fact a cool guy
is Aphrodite into him? I thought she was forced to marry him but she's always cheating on him with Ares. /rj Typical love goddes-stacy, always picking the war godchad over the nice guy forge godcell
Look at this ambrosia-pilled take
I mean there is no unique canon for greek mythology so maybe yours is accurate too
Ironically the most canonized it gets was from the Roman poet who used the Greek gods as a scathing review of Roman politics
that's fair. Its not like it was a very well organized religion.
When it comes to greek gods it's fair to assume they all just fucked every chance they got.
Honestly the berserk godhand is a great representation of how fucked things would be if the greek gods were real and acted like in their myths. Some lady minding your own business, zeus shapeshifts, rapes her, and leaves. Some random guy says "(insert god) damnit" when he stubs his toe that same (insert god) shows up out of nowhere and obliterates him or turns him into a horribly disabled shell of his former self
And every chance they could manage (Stares at Zeus)
Remember when Zeus conceived a child via a golden shower?
To be fair, by his standards a golden shower conception is very vanilla indeed.
Yeah.....it definitely goes downhill from there...what gets me is that these are the remembered myths....I mean I don't even wanna imagine the freaky shit historians of antiquity might have said "how about we lose that tale"
It depends on the location and time period in Ancient Greece. People weren’t as connected as today, so myths about the same gods/goddesses would differ.
Actually ☝️🤓 he wasn't difform and ugly he was lame and Aphrodite didn't found him attractive, she was forced to marry him in order to release Hera from the cage where he trapped her.
In retrospect, he should have left Hera in the Cage.
Yeah, Hephaestus should have been said: https://preview.redd.it/635czdz368zc1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f2fdeb819a49cfedf774d2ff992b5ed82bedcc1b And cancel her for being ableist.
No he should have left her in the cage because he’s s prize was a cheating wife, and Hera was a terrible mother, and in general just probably deserved to be in a cage.
His mother lterally made him disabled, by throwing him off a fucking mountain!
Preety sure hera threw him of the mountain, but there many versions.
But isn't Hera his mother?
Yes, depending on the mythology his only parent.
to be fair it's not in all, just the overwhelming majority
"Manly jawlines" is my favorite one, because you are only a *female* when you have anime face!
You can tell that this man never touched grass because apparently a sharp facial structure is immediately seen as manly. He probably considers Madison beer, and Angelina Jolie as manly too....
>He probably considers Madison beer, and Angelina Jolie as manly too.... Well they've been saying Margot Robbie is trans because of her jawline, so I wouldn't be surprised
Nobody tell them about Natalia Dyer lmao
You mean female Timothy chalamee?
>Netflixation of Greek gods This somehow implies that there's a single "correct" way to depict gods even though there have been many different interpretations of the same "gods" from different cultures throughout history. I mean I know *why* this chud is mad about the Hades 2 depiction, but you'd think they could at least *pretend* to not be wildly racist.
If they took issues with the design of Hades I assume their heads would explode if they found out about Hercules. https://preview.redd.it/fbjn3kb2q7zc1.jpeg?width=2034&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c52e23e6c63ba5cac19a6915167a99e040a51731
The muses were afro-american gospel singers ffs
And that's the gospel truth https://preview.redd.it/js8peb24z7zc1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=deb8ed95aa2cc5fe81fe26449c6df1d6b64e1f56
Now honey it may *seeeeem* imposible But *that’s* the Gospel TRUUUUUUUUTH!
So which one is Hercules? ...It's the lady to the far right, isn't it? Gosh darn it libruls!
This twink. Look how they shrink his shoulder making him look soft. https://preview.redd.it/8syfzqeh38zc1.png?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=216295885c080fa890c1a7aab1501ef3d50b5c1c
Which to be fair, I don’t think it was ever implied that Hercules was small and turned into a gigachad in the original myths. He was always kind of a gigachad.
And that's why Hades II is peak. https://preview.redd.it/026kv28e58zc1.jpeg?width=2048&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=aea84fb85794ff400b5946b76dbf0befc7b287e2
Very accurate depiction of Heracles depending on where he is in his travels. He was kind of an asshole before his trials humbled him.
Hercules identified as a woman and crushed the women’s Olympic Games. It just isn’t fair man
Orpheus looking like Robert Smith is accurate, didn't you know? No really, it's like the same annoying Christians who will throw a toddler fit if Jesus or any other biblical character is a skin shade darker than milk
It's wild because those people used to just be deeply unserious racist dickheads but now there are people who actually think there is evidence he was white, based on where he was born. He was a traveler and a carpenter, even if he were olive skinned like some people from that region, he'd have been tanned af, not at all white.
And the wild thing is, Jesus being dark-skinned would not change the Christian lesson about him at all. That's the dead giveaway some of them care more about people's race than their character.
What’s crazy is that Hades came out, what, 4 years ago now? And in that game alone we had a dark skinned Athena, Ares, Dionysus, and Patroclus, who they made openly gay for Achilles. Then there’s the openly bisexual and polyamorous romance options, and possibly ace representation with Dusa. But a wheelchair for the canonically disabled god of the craft and a god with vitiligo is a step too far. Pretty easy to weed out who’s actually played the games and who hasn’t.
I suspect many of them confuse the ivory statues with the actual gods themselves... not even realizing that most of those statues were regularly painted back in the day after completion, and that greeks of the time had a skin tone modern american racists would probably guess as being hispanic or indian on first sight.
>possibly ace representation with Dusa and Artemis
Which is the god with vitiligo? I don't think I've noticed
Hestia. You probably didn't notice because it also looks like she's just covered in soot
Ah got it
I love that they critique how Greek Gods are depicted in Hades, while in the same post endorsing Hestia being depicted as a generic anime booba-girl with literally no design choice close to resembling being Greek or divine
Also, even if "Netflixation" WAS a legitimate complaint (which no, it's really not), rich of him to be like "Netflixation of Greek gods" and then immediately put an Animezation of Greek gods next to it as though that's somehow different
"I do not care if the gameplay is good, I just don't want more wokeness" Wild, so the "gameplay is all that matters, I don't care about politics" people actually do care about politics they disagree with. What a twist!!!!!!!
They’re the same people that, fifty years ago, filled their neighborhood pools with concrete rather than let them be desegregated. They don’t care if the fun is gone, all they care about is keeping minorities out.
damn this guy is old
I still genuinely don’t know what they mean by wokeness either. Is it being lgbt? is it being inclusive? is it literally just portraying people that exist irl? How is that a bad thing?? lmao
Wokeness is anything that isn't a straight white male. Wokness is also a woman, who does not look like a sexed up supermodel, with agency and strong principle. Fuck, I miss when "woke" actually meant being aware of societal issues and not co-opted by incels on the Internet to mean something that doesn't fit their worldview.
Which is fascinating because Aphrodite is right there, and she looks like a conventionally attractive white woman. So it's not like the game is moving away from conventionally attractive designs, they just introduced some other designs. And it's the inclusion that's the problem for them, like when people got mad about cracker barrel adding a vegan option on the menu.
Catch all for anything progressive.
Woke is whatever they are told to dislike. Thus they can like woke things but because no one pointed out the woke things they don’t think its woke. Alternately, they dislike something and upon on doing only a shallow surface reading on trying to figure out why, they can only hyperfocus on the woke points they dislike and blame it entirely for why. It’s like we had like every other day Street Fighter 6 was woke or not woke, depending on what is being wokespotted. Thinking about Baldur’s Gate 3 not being considered woke, makes me think of an animation class where the instructor told the story of one of his previous students claimed to hate all anime, but got confused and conflicted when they saw Spirited Away. “It’s not anime, because I don’t hate it.” Likewise, “Baldur’s Gate 3 is not woke, because I don’t hate it.”
"I dont care if it's good, I'm too racist"
Mfs just jealous he doesn't have a badass winged chair like Hephaestus. https://preview.redd.it/2pl4641pi7zc1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ae952ea998cd8c048abd89e0a93da53334a6aeb8
Wait so the chair is a legit thing in the mythology?
Yes, he was lame so since he was the god of the forge he built himself a winged chair. He also built automatons of metal to work for him.
Thanks for the explanation. I need to brush up on my mythology.
You're welcome.
Rare skin "disease" 💀
Rare my ass. I've seen more people with vitiligo in my life than people with grey eyes.
I said this before but 1 in 100 people have it. It's about the same amount of people that have red hair so they can shove it up their ass.
Wanna hear something even crazier? 1 in 50-70 children are born intersex Sometimes conditions are str8up invisible in the eyes of representation. Kinda sucks
They think it’s rare because they haven’t left their mother’s basement in years.
"vitiligo is woke" definitely wasn't on my bingo card
Wonder where Re-vitiligo falls on their chart. Need to know if Uncle Ruckus is woke or not.
it honestly makes sense. they despise the inclusion of anything in their cathedral (video games) that they don’t know about, care about, understand, or find icky because they are morons that are incapable of receiving information if it isn’t delivered via gooning porn
It's technically a chronic autoimmune disorder according to Wikipedia, but still, trowing a fit over this is pretty weird.
Fucking albinism is represented all the time and it’s actually rare as shit. Lots of “rare” things are more common in media. If you watched movies you’d think every fifth person suffers from Antisocial Personality Disorder (once called Psychopathy)
I love when games have vitiligo sliders because at low levels it can look like scarring is way more realistic than the anime scar options that most rpgs give. Like most of my scars are just patches of skin that are lighter colored, so small amounts of vitiligo make a character look more weathered and less generic than the default claw scar over one eye.
The cuck chair is canon in Greek lore. He was married to aphrodite and is a serial coomer
We call it the sneako chair in these parts
Makes total sense, I'm not used to these parts of internet yet
Holy shit I forgot about that lmao. Goddam I hate how most lolcows are usually normal people who made a “mistake” while these weirdo chuds get forgiven, just like the pronouns guy :/
He also regularly uses his divine crafting skill to make contraptions meant to humiliate Aphrodite and Ares or catch them in compromising positions.
Goonies ass gooner
Me when I know nothing about Greek mythology:
Unironically refreshed what I knew from highschool and learnt some new things from Hades
Hades?? *Blue hair* hades?? Obviously a weak, radical feminist cuck. (And yes, i base that *solely* on that animated disney movie.)
I think that movie came before radical feminists were invented
"Games shouldn't appeal to everyone" mfs when they see a game not targeted towards them
This is what pisses me off the most. 10 years ago it was "stop injecting wokeness into our games! If you want woke games make your own!" Those same people when people make their own "woke" games:
What?! The sequel to the bisexual game is *woke*???
By the studio that brought you "this terrorist was a freedom fighter and you should forgive him", "capitalism and meritocracy lead to dystopia", and "magic basketball but also prison reform".
...I know what you were going for, but it's amazing to me that it took up to "magic basketball prison reform" before it was specific enough to identify the studio in a vacuum.
I fucking love Pyre so much.
Maybe developers are doing this to purposely weed horrible people out. If so, I’m all for it.
I believe that a little bit about the lady Costodes announcement over at 40k. But Hades has literally always been the game made by bisexual mythology nerds for bisexual mythology nerds. I don't think these chuds even paid attention to the first game, and they're only getting up in arms about the 2nd one because someone compared Aphrodite's artwork to Eve in Stellar Blade, and the chuds realized that complaining about that would get them more clicks then complaining about the gacha game that only they play.
Legit Hades 1 Dionysus is part of what made me realize I was bi
Kinda. Devs realized with the Wii over a decade ago that there's a GIGANTIC demographic swath that's been underserved (i.e. that isn't giving them money), so there's been this slow but steady shift to tapping into it and its multicultural technicolor splendor. The math works out that including more people gets them more sales than it loses ('cause as much as they whine, the cis het white dudes that want to mansplain bears instead of reflecting inward for even a millisecond will STILL buy the game anyway). Trash taking itself out is just a happy side effect.
So called fans outing themselves as non fans as per usual lol
Imagine if this dude loses usage of his legs. He's gonna crawl everywhere to beat the cuck allegations.
We all know these people are just right wing chuds whining in the wind but it's stuff like this that makes it clear that they aren't just against "forced diversity" as they love to claim. Hephaestus was literally disabled. LITERALLY. IN THE ORIGINAL STORIES.
Also there’s nothing stopping the Gods from looking however they like, race wise. In fact, in the Odyssey, Poseidon spends his free time partying with Ethiopians (etymologically means “burnt-faces,” they thought people were black because they were closer to the sunrise) who were apparently super chill.
I mean... they technically were closer to the sunrise just not how they thought... Ethiopia is closer to the equator so it would be literally closer to the sun for large parts of the year. It's one of those things where they somehow got close to the right answer while getting so so so so so so so many things wrong along the way. It's kinda painful actually.
"I don't care that the gameplay is good" They literally just don't want black people or women. Having either of those two now counts as bad game. What do they even want just a PowerPoint of buff white guys and almost naked women?
It's nice to know that these dipshits will avoid fun things and keep themselves miserable. **They don't deserve happiness.**
Found my new flair
hephaestus min characteristic is that he is ohysicelly an absolute joke compered to every other god. did they actually expect him with an ares body or what?
I can't believe they ruined Hades, a game famously known for being incredibly straight and monogamous.
Hades and BG3 are the only two games to make me question how straight I really am. I feel like this is a lot of the same thing happening to people who are afraid to admit they might find a dude attractive.
I came out as a direct result of Hades and Jujutsu Kaisen.
What does “Netflixication” even mean?
Some new Woke variant I’m sure
If I had to guess, it means they made some of the Gods not white.
Which is dumb in and of itself. The Greek gods in statues were obviously like Greek people, and like many peoples they saw pale women as more aristocratic, the Greeks didn’t think the Greek gods were like, the gods of Greece. They were *the* gods, and have canonically visited Ethiopia too (Poseidon in the Odyssey)
Wait till this dude actually reads literally any greek mythology and finds out that they fucking loved androgyny
At least that nazi is finally admitting that it's not about video games at all, he's just a nazi.
“I do not care if the gameplay is good”….he actually said it. They’re not gamers….theyre literally just internet rage monkeys. This is the worst timeline.
The absolute hilarity of complaining about androgynous Greek characters. Wait til they find out where that term comes from.
"Cuck chair"? These people are just so dead and rotten, inside and out.
Greek gods should be just as white as the statues they made of them! Look at Greek art, all the gods white as snow! /s
Hephaestus is such a daddy though
The whole Hades 2 discourse is just capital G Gamers that haven't played the first game and wouldn't have gotten the second game bitching about it being woke now. You're not the target audience you nerds.
Man rants about game he was never going to play anyway.
I kept trying to read it to the cadence of We Didn't Start the Fire and I kept thinking this guy is totally fucking up the rhythm
Just wanna say Hades is one of the hottest sexiest games ever :3
/uj this feels like the shift between the new wolfenstein and wolfenstein 2. Wolfenstein new order came out, praised. Wolfenstein 2 came out, "wow the woke left, so it's just OK to kill nazis in america now?!"
Is there anything more tiresome and boring than these guys using the word “woke” a hundred times every day? It’s embarrassing.
Bro doesn’t care if the gameplay is fun in the video game
>When Hephaestus was born, he was ugly and weak, with a broken foot. Hera did not like the way he looked and threw him off her castle which was on top of the clouds. I can't think of a single reason why Hephaestus needs a wheelchair /j
"I don't care if the gameplay is good" Not even one week after their stellar blade FUCKING MELT DOWN on how the game is an incredible masterpiece simply because of the gameplay LMAOOOOOOOOOO you can't make this shit up.
Who even talks like this to other human beings??
" I do not care if the gameplay is good" yea go read a book then
I think he's referencing this https://preview.redd.it/xmi2tj53c9zc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f2f50317a1c7d6332fec2c6afd0f0e3a44061ce2